Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

[computer ringing]

- Morning! - Morning.

- Aha. - Whoo, I can get used to this.

- [laughs] - Ooh.

You know, I think you can go deeper, babe--oh.

Yes, you did.

Really? You just gonna sexy stretch

in my favourite Spandex without me?

- Nice suit.

- You remember what's underneath it?

- Oh, I remember. - Yeah?

Wait, since when did you start breaking a sweat before dawn?

- Since my neighbour invited me to predawn hot yoga.

- Hmm. - In a plastic tent

on the beach, and I loved it.

Weren't no black people, but still, amazing!

- Hm. Celery juice, all-white yoga?

I don't know. Sounds like somebody

is starting to sip that L.A. Kool-Aid.

- [with L.A. accent] Oh, David, there's no such thing

as L.A. Kool-Aid.

It has sugar in it, and it isn't organic.

- Hm. - I'm just embracing

the benefits of being open to new experiences

and trying on different ways of being,

like minding my own business

when it comes to Hazel's premature wedding.

- Oh, remember you said that.

- Oh, I will.

- Well, last chance for us to sexy stretch together

'cause Vanessa is gonna be here any minute.

Gotta go over some talking points

for the Fair Housing rally.

- Yeah, I'm gonna give that a hard pass,

but I'm glad she's working out.

I can't wait to see her. [doorbell dings]

- Oh, must be her now. Door's open!

- She was the cutest

little chubby thing with her little glasses.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, hey, Vanessa.

- Oh! - Here, exactly the way

you like it. - Oh, thank you.

- Ms. Ari! - Vanessa!

Look at you.

No braces, no bifocals.

- Or baby fat.

- Not an ounce.

The last time I saw you,

you were a freshman in high school.

- Yup. Mum would go on and on about raising my GPA

so I could follow in your footsteps.

You know, I still have

those secret to success Post-Its you created for me?

- You still have those after all these years?

- Yup. Oh, thank you for recommending me

for this position, Ms. Ari.

- Of course. And, look, now that we're both adults,

just call me Ari.

- [chuckles] Isn't she great? - She sure is.

- She sure is. - Jinx!

[laughter]

- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- Bree, where are the shin guards?

- The what? - The shin guards!

They're not in the bag.

- The--wait, why are you yelling?

And I thought you were on shin guards.

Please tell me you used the bathroom.

- I did. - Where did the shin guards go?

- Hurry up, everybody! - Daddy?

How come Ollie gets the blue bag,

and I'm stuck with the pink one?

- What-- - Yeah, Daddy.

Why does she get the pink ones? - Oh, the shin guards.

I thought you don't like-- You know what?

Doesn't matter. It was insensitive of Daddy

to assume that you want the pink one, so here you go.

Next time you can get whatever you want. Here.

- Blue with rainbows and unicorns.

- Got it. I'll get it for you.

- Thank you! - You're welcome.

Gotta love a woman that knows what she wants.

- Ooh, and I gotta love a man that supports women's rights,

even if it's a small one. - We're gonna be late.

- It's a turn-on. - Is that right?

- Mum! - Mm-hmm.

- Okay, so maybe we got time to, you know,

maybe right in this area-- you know, we send 'em outside.

- I wish. - Hurry up, Mum.

- I gotta go, but what about tonight?

- Hell yeah! - Hell yeah.

- Hell yeah. - Mm.

- Making plans, it ain't even Wednesday.

- I know!

All right. I gotta go.

I'm home after five. - No, no, no, 5:00,

you'll miss the last of the nanny interviews.

- I know, but I trust your judgment,

and if you mess it up, it's only a trial week.

- Okay, I'ma do it. - Out of my way.

- I'ma get us a nanny. - Yeah!

Oh, but no Instagram models, no Republicans

and only women that are eligible for SSI.

- I hear you loud and clear. [whispering] No sexy nannies.

I got it. - You cheated!

- ♪ That's your vibe, babe ♪

♪ Don't give 'em down it's worth a try ♪

♪ You better try ♪

- It's a great space.

Have you found any new artists that you're excited about?

- Not yet. - But--but we will.

We've been scouring the interwebs,

beating the pavement,

leaving no lyrical stone unturned in our search.

- Mmm, still no one.

That's concerning.

- Well, any artists that performs on my label

has to live up to my standards.

- I understand.

Just find me that artist soon,

or the next conversation we have

might be a little more difficult.

You know, I really love the wall colour.

[laughs] It's nice.

Yeah. Ciao.

- Oh, yeah! Yeah, it's actually called SeaFOMO, you know?

- [sighs] - Don't wanna miss out!

- I'm so screwed.

- So how would you describe yourself as a nanny?

- Well, I'd say there are good nannies,

and there are bad nannies.

I'd like to think I fall squarely in the middle. Hm.

[energetic music]

- I've never had a hard time

establishing a firm bedtime routine.

Well, at least nothing a little allergy tablet couldn't fix.

[laughs]

- [laughs] Thank you,

and we will be in touch.

Actually, we won't. [clears throat] We won't.

- 42 years I have been working as a nanny.

Every morning at 6:00, I light a candle

and pray to Saint Nicholas,

the patron saint of children,

for guidance, strength and compassion.

- Isabella?

- [snores] - Oh, shit!

You scared me. [laughs]

Can I get you some coffee?

♪ ♪

Uh, can I offer you coffee, tea,

maybe something spiked because, you know, goth?

Never mind. Just-- [clears throat]

♪ ♪

- Oh, you're definitely not on SSI.

You certified CPR, first aid?

'Cause I see the red cross.

[whip cracks]

Cookie?

So tell me about your discipline styles.

- I prefer not to use the word discipline.

The trick is to make following the rules fun.

Kids are happy, family is happy.

That's how I know I've done my job.

- Fantastic!

When can you start?

♪ ♪

- Don't worry, baby.

Everything's gonna to work out with FAI.

Just bill back. You don't have to stress.

- Yeah, you're right.

Maybe I need to just get out

and forget about work for a second.

- [laughs] Good!

My sister is having a birthday party

tomorrow night in Flatbush.

Will you come?

- Oh, um, I'd love to, but--

- But what?

Every time you're invited to meet my people,

you're too busy.

Hazel, my boonoonoonos. - Hm?

- You are my fiancée.

I want them to meet you.

I want you to meet them.

It's important to me.

- Oh, of course. I'd love to meet them.

- All right!

Baby. - It will be so great.

- Can't wait.

[upbeat music]

- Let's deliver this by courier today,

and file a copy with the clerk's office.

- Absolutely. Thanks, Jayla.

- Thank you. You the best.

- Well, it's good to see you acting like a boss

even though your job is hanging by a thread

until you prove your worth.

- Have you ever considered a second career

as a motivational speaker?

'Cause I think that's your purpose.

- It's a good thought. - Mm-hmm.

- So where are we with Maxine Hart?

- Fortunately for me, we're in great shape.

- Oh? - Yes.

Ya girl sent over a preservation letter

to stop Brian from destroying any electronic evidence.

- And the backup files of Brian's work data?

- Already on it. Got a paralegal looking through

everything right now to see what we can use.

- It's impressive, but don't get too cocky.

If I know Jacob, he's already two steps ahead of us.

He's unbelievably competitive. We have got to beat him!

- Trust me. When I say that I got it, I got it.

I'm here to win.

I'm on it. I got it. It's handled. [laughs]

Always wanted to-- [knock at door]

Yeah? - Ladies, I think

you'll wanna see this.

- See what? - What's this?

♪ ♪

- Wait, wait, Mrs. Hart, are you saying this a ploy

from your husband to wrestle ownership of your company?

- I'm saying that it's unconscionable

that my soon-to-be-ex-husband

would use the custody of our children

as some sort of bargaining chip.

Oh, and by the way, biologically,

they're not even his.

We used a sperm donor.

- Oh! - 77th and Madison.

- Holy shit.

- What the hell was that? Did you know about that?

- I had no idea.

I'm sure she was just caught by surprise.

- No, no, I don't care if they ambush her in the shower.

That can't happen.

There's 100 different ways that Jacob can spin this.

We're talking invasion of privacy, slander--

- Robin, I got it.

Maxine needs to be checked, and I will talk to her today.

- Well, you better because that just pushed this case

out of mediation into court.

She is your client. You get her under control,

or you're out.

How's that for motivation?

[door slams] - Shit.

- Hey, I'm home! - Hey, baby.

- Hi, Mummy. - Hi, Mummy.

- Aww, it's a unicorn bag.

It's so cute!

Ooh, look, it's our names: Bree, Gary, Imani, Ollie.

Oh, that's a nice touch. - Don't you have a book report?

- Okay, wow, are you kidding me right now?

I haven't seen that corner for, like, what, a year?

And that smells deli-- is that arroz con pollo?

- Yes, it is, and you're gonna love it.

- Mummy, we had a new dessert. - You did? What, what dessert?

- It's called flan. Shakes like Jell-O.

- Aww! - [laughs]

- All right. I hate to break this up.

We got homework to finish. - Okay.

- Come on, guys. Upstairs. - Okay.

- Aw. - Baby, the nanny that I hired,

unbelievable.

He is the answer to our prayers.

- He? You got us a manny?

Ooh! - Yeah, look, look, look.

- ♪ Yeah, baby ♪

♪ I like it like that ♪

- ♪ You better believe me when I tell you ♪

- Meet Jesus. Jesus, this is my wife, Bree.

- Hello, Bree.

- Jesus! - Mm-mm, it's pronounced Jesus.

- Oh, great. That's amazing. I need wine. Is there wine?

I am so thirsty. - No, but we got sangria

because Jesus said it would pair well with dinner.

- I hope you're hungry, Bree. I saved some just for you.

- ♪ Spicy mami, hot tamale ♪

♪ Hotter than a Somali, fur coat, Ferrari ♪

♪ Hop out the stu', come up in the coupe ♪

♪ Big Dipper on top of the roof ♪

- Por favor, go slow.

Esta muy caliente.

- Mmm. - [chuckles, gasps]

- ♪ Oh, he's so handsome, what's his name? ♪

- Oh!

Oh, my God.

Oh, I feel hot. I need to sit down.

- Baby, are you okay? - I'm just so hot. It's so hot.

Is this cold? Oh, that's really cold.

Oh, yeah, it's very cold. I like it.

[dialing phone]

- Hey, Ari, listen, so-- - Make it quick.

I'm late for my reiki healing. My chakras need restoration.

- Well, mine probably do, too,

now that Maxine has gone off the deep end.

How many years you think they would give me

for murdering a client?

'Cause I think I wanna murder a client.

- Breathe in, Jayla. You have this under control.

Now, namaste. I must go, love.

[dial tone beeps] - Wait, Ari, seriously?

Wow, this bitch really just hung up on me.

Okay.

- So, Maxine, as your legal counsel,

I just have one question.

Have you lost your goddamn mind?

Do you have any idea what damage you have caused

and what that interview has done to our case?

- As a matter of fact, I have. You see,

it made me look like a mother who's willing to put herself

on the line to protect what's hers.

- By revealing that their father is not

their father on national TV?

Do your kids even know that?

- Of course!

There are books about this type of thing, Jayla.

Besides, they're never gonna see it because you'll make sure

that it's pulled down before that happens.

It's all a part of my strategy.

- Your strategy?

Girl, why don't you just dump a can of gasoline on your head

and set yourself on fire

'cause that's how stupid that was.

- Okay. You are talking to me like I work for you

when the fact of the matter is, is that you work for me.

I pay you. - Exactly.

That right there, that right there.

You hired me to educate you on the legal facts,

so here they are.

You and Brian were married. He raised those kids with you.

He is their father, period,

but if a spouse seems unstable or acting a damn fool,

the court can subpoena therapist records,

texts, e-mails, whatever they want to bring into discovery.

They will have a forensic psychologist

so far up your ass,

they'll be able to tell you what you ate two weeks ago.

- While I'm not sure what I ate would still be there,

that's off-topic, I take probiotics.

But the point is, is you just need to focus

and make sure that doesn't happen.

- And you need to stop this shit today.

Do you want to win? - Yes.

- Do you want full custody?

- Yes. - Do you want this negro

to take half your company and half your money?

- No. - Then we're gonna

do this my way, so no impromptu interviews,

no Twitter fingers,

no confiding in your little girlfriends.

I don't care if you even want to talk to your Mummy.

You're gonna run it by me first.

Do you understand?

- Finally, an excuse not to talk to my mother.

- Kids are in bed, teeth brushed,

just waiting for Mami and Papi to kiss them goodnight.

- Jesus, you are a lifesaver. Thank you very much.

You coming, babe?

- Yeah, I'll be right there. - Okay.

- Jesus, if you quit now, I can fix this.

- Quit? On my first day? I'm sorry.

Did I do something wrong?

- Oh, my God.

You don't remember who I am?

Okay, about a year ago, Tantric Night Club,

we went back to your place, I had cheetah panties on.

We did a little, uh, you know--

- Oh, claro. Bree.

Sorry. You look different.

- Yeah, that's because I was single, hot,

sexy Bree that night,

and tonight I am Dr. Bree with a husband and two kids

and a manny that I smashed a year ago

while I was separated from the husband

that I am now back with!

- Hey, that's cool. Gary is great.

I'm glad you guys worked it out.

Not enough people today work to save their marriage.

- Thank you?

Are you insane? Stop cleaning!

Jesus, you cannot work here. You gots to go now.

- Tranquila. Relax, Bree, por favor.

It was just one night.

A good one.

But a lifetime ago.

We can get past this, right?

Why don't you try my flan?

♪ ♪

- ♪ I said I like it like that ♪

- Mmm. - ♪ I said I like it like ♪

- Delicioso, no?

- ♪ I said I like it like that ♪

- Very creamy.

- And when I got home, he was just standing there.

Jesus! He was in my kitchen.

- Was he making cocktails?

- He is the new nanny.

- No. [laughs] No!

- I am losing my mind. My mind is gonna explode,

just like my marriage at some point

because what am I gonna do? - Oh, my gosh.

Y'all will not believe the day I had.

First, it started with Jacob-- - Bitch, my husband just hired

the only other man that I've had sex with

in 20 years as our nanny,

and you just gonna sit down and interrupt a conversation?

- I swear, if Millennials don't have shit else,

they have the fucking audacity.

- Yo, you smashed the nanny?

[laughter] What? What are the odds?

- Well, his name is Jesus. Girl, maybe Spanish Jesus

was sent to heal your vagina and your marriage.

[both laugh]

You know, mysterious ways?

- He works mysterious ways.

- Would you stop it? This is-- I don't see the joke.

This is not funny.

Uh-uh, no. This is serious. If Gary finds out that I--

- Wait. You haven't told him yet?

- Of course she didn't tell him.

You didn't tell him, did you?

- I told Jesus, "You can't stay here.

You gots to go now, boy."

I told him to quit,

but then he fed me the most delicious piece

of flan I have ever had.

He is like a Spanish Gordon Ramsay.

I was just, like, fresh, local ingredients?

Yes, sir. That is a thick milk.

Listen, now that I'm saying this out loud,

I think I might be able to ride with this.

Truly. - Mmm,

you gonna wind up riding that thing out.

Honey, you're playing with fuego.

- I think you should just tell Gary the truth.

This happened while you all were separated,

and he was with that bitch Monica, anyway.

- Mm. - But that still doesn't mean

he wants Jesus playing "Twister" with his kids.

- Ooh! - So you should probably tell.

- The worst part is that I am

the one who convinced Gary to hire a nanny.

- Mm-mm, honey, I think the worst part

is that you fucked him.

I mean, but I see the irony.

- I am begging for a subject change right now.

- Okay, great.

I was hoping somebody would ask.

Nigel invited me to a Caribbean house party tonight.

- I'm down.

- Oh, that's a hard pass for me.

House party? I don't know that person.

- Oh, no, no. It's his sister's birthday,

and it's my first time meeting her and all of his friends,

and I'm nervous, y'all.

- You are Hazel Rochelle.

Everyone loves you.

- But what if they don't like me?

I need my girl there, and you, too, new girl.

Or else I'll just be all in my head,

and you know how I can get.

Come on, Breety, please?

- Please? - Oh, God, stop that.

Okay, I will go if there's enough liquor

because God knows I can't get any liquor over here.

My drink is broken. Where's the waiter?

[Popcan's "Numbers Don't Lie" playing]

♪ ♪

♪ I am way up ♪

♪ High like the Fourth of July ♪

♪ From a pretty girl roll up ♪

♪ Shootin' me shot like Kawhi ♪

♪ What 'mount of girl me have, yeah ♪

♪ Numbers don't lie, yeah ♪

♪ What 'mount of-- me have, yeah ♪

♪ Numbers don't lie, yeah ♪

♪ What 'mount of respect we have, yeah ♪

- We overdressed.

- We look like the chaperones.

- Should we go home and change?

- No, no, no, we're fine.

Sexy, big-sister fine, but still.

- I need more than fine.

You know how it is when friends and family

give you the thumbs-down,

and then boom, relationship over!

- Okay, it didn't work like that when I disapproved, so.

- It's not a perfect science, Bree.

- Okay. - Boonoonoonos.

- Hi. - Mmm, mmm, mmm,

my beautiful girl, mmm!

- [clears throat]

- And beautiful ladies.

- Yeah, we're here, too. - Thanks.

- Hazel, this is my big sister, Mia.

- Hi, Mia. It is so nice to meet you.

- You, too! I told Nigel

I had to meet the person responsible for his smile,

and when he said it was you, I died.

I love your music since I was a kid!

- Ah. [laughs] He makes me smile, too.

These are my good friends, Bree and Jayla.

- Happy birthday! - Dope party.

- Thank you, but enough talking.

Let's dance, and turn it up, eh?

- Yeah, it's about to get litty! Litty!

Ow! Ow, ow.

- Wind the waist, wind the waist,

wind the bottom, wind the waist.

Okay, okay, wait. Just help me down really quick.

- ♪ Yeah, you're killing the rest ♪

♪ Can't even come close with you ♪

♪ Finally, you love how we got it ♪

- Oh, with the tongue.

It's the faces for me.

- Mm-hmm. The hips for me.

♪ ♪

- ♪ I'll be waiting at the bar ♪

- [laughing] - ♪ Baby, come over ♪

- Ooh! - Oh! You remember when

we could move like that?

- No. Mm-mm, I've never been able to move like that.

- Speak for yourself. - That's nothing.

I could do that.

♪ ♪

- Ow. What?

I can't work it no more. I'm just going to keep it cute.

- Okay, Hazel, we're surrounded by children.

Nigel's cousin asked me to dance, and I just, like,

wanted to whip my titty out to breastfeed him.

[laughter] - Bree, what?

- Not in a sexual way, but, like, in a nourishing way.

- Stop! Just stop. [laughter]

- It felt right. It felt real comfortable.

- Hey, ladies. Having fun? all: Yes!

- This is amazing. We're so glad

we could celebrate your birthday with you tonight.

- Yeah, me, too.

Hazel, I've been wanting to have

a little one-on-one time with you.

Would you ladies mind if I steal Hazel away for a few?

- Not at all! - Watch my purse, okay?

- Okay. - Thank you. Okay.

- Okay! - Okay.

- Aw, she seems so sweet.

- No, she doesn't.

I'm just saying, I don't trust anyone that doesn't

wear zippers or buttons or has their bra out like that.

- You look so beautiful. I love it.

- Thank you so much. So do you.

This is really a great party.

- Oh, thanks.

I guess when you get up to your age, birthday parties

aren't a celebration as much as a,

"Oh, shit, I'm almost dead."

- [scoffs] Excuse me?

- You know how sad this looks, right?

Rich lady throwing coin 'round to land a young bird

who doesn't know better?

- Okay, I don't know

who this is more insulting to-- me or to Nigel.

- You.

We already have a mother, so before he gets too attached,

and you get bored and hop to the next pretty young thing,

please move on, Stella.

Your growth is not here.

Stacy, hi!

♪ ♪

- The nerve.

I'm only 19 years older. - Hm.

- Oh, God. When you say it like that,

do you think everybody here is looking at me that way?

- Well, I don't think anyone

is looking at us at all.

No offense.

- Hazel, do not let Mia get into your head.

Your relationship with Nigel is none of her business.

- Exactly. Anyone who loves him

shouldn't be giving you shit for doing the same thing.

- Right. You're right. You're right.

Seriously, thank you guys so much for being here.

- Girl, you know we got you.

Now can I get something to drink

because this Mia girl is killing my vibe.

- Right. I'll get us a drink. - Whew!

She's too small to be that nasty.

- Petty. - Really.

- Here you go. Here you go. - Thank you.

- Is this any good? - Oh, honey,

if there's one thing Jamaicans are good at--

well, two things-- one of them is rum punch!

- Mmm.

- Mmm. - Mmm. It's pretty good.

- Yeah, it hits you in the bag.

It's a little room temp. I'll be right back.

May I have some ice?

- Is that papaya? - [clears throat]

- Don't freak out, but the bartender

is just using his bare hands.

- [spits] - Mmm! Mmm!

- Spit it right in your cup.

- What are you doing all the way over here?

Weh yaw seh? - [laughs]

What? Ooh.

Ohh, I don't understand what you're saying,

but I feel the same way. [laughs]

Mmm.

- All righty, then.

We're gonna go home and slip on our bonnets,

watch some random crime television, you know,

standard Black girl pleasantries.

- Oh, that's so sad.

I'm gonna stay here with my boo.

- Okay, see you later. - Have fun.

- [kisses] Thanks.

- How you like the party?

- Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming.

- Oh, I just have to do one more thing.

Hey! Happy birthday, again,

and I just wanna say, I get it.

- You get what?

- You, your worries and your judgments

that you might have about our friend,

kinda like the same worries we had about your brother

maybe taking Hazel's coin or even

if she has an early midlife crisis coming on or something.

- [laughs] Not that early.

- Look, I didn't come here to read a Black woman

at her bootleg carnival shindig

with the nasty, unsanitary punch.

But here's the deal.

The deck is already stacked up against us

when it comes to finding true love,

which is why I support real Black love when I see it.

'Cause for some of us, that shit is fleeting.

Hazel and Nigel finding each other is a good thing,

and I hope you'll realise that when you grow up.

- Noted. Whatever.

- Oh, my feet are killing me.

I had such a good time!

- Me, I go rub them later for you.

- Thank you. - So I saw you and Mia

talking earlier.

Should I be worried?

- No, she's just looking out for you.

I respect that.

[upbeat acoustic music]

- ♪ Caught me at the right time, baby, oh ♪

♪ I was at the edge ♪

♪ I was at the end ♪

♪ Made me feel like there is ♪

- Everything criss?

- Whose voice is that? - ♪ Made me feel alive ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ Tell me I'm a sign ♪

♪ Baby, where would I be without your love? ♪

- That's Regina Crowell. - You know her?

- Man, we go way back.

- ♪ Probably gone, oh ♪

♪ 'Cause it feels like CPR ♪

- I think I found my new artist.

- And here's the pitch, and, again, way outside

but heads down to first. That was a fantastic at bat.

- Mmm! - Oop, I'm sorry, Gare-bear.

Did I wake you, Gare-bear? - Mm-mm.

- Were you sleeping? - No. Well--

I was just resting my eyes. - Are you hungry?

- Um-- - 'Cause there is some lasagna

that Jesus made in the microwave, and FYI,

I'm never eating frozen again. [both laugh]

Did you have fun?

- Uh, I am way too old for the kind of night that I had.

I would much rather be home with my man.

- Oh, baby. Well, with Jesus here,

you know, I love the fact that we can do more of that now.

- Yeah, and about that--

- And he's teaching the kids how to speak Spanish.

- Our kids? - Our kids, and get this.

I started working on my book.

- What? - Yes, I did.

- That is amazing. Are you serious?

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, Black "Twilight," you better come through.

Oh, baby, you're awesome.

- Oh, no, no, we are awesome, and, you know,

for the first time in a long time, baby,

everything just feels right.

Hmm? Mmm.

- Yeah. Uh-huh. Things feel right.

- ♪ I don't know what to do ♪

- ♪ Hell yeah ♪ - ♪ Number one, yeah ♪

♪ I'm still number one ♪ - ♪ Hell yeah ♪

- ♪ Number one, always be number one ♪

♪ Held you down, took you from minor to major ♪

♪ You won't admit it, you're the fruits of my labor ♪

- ♪ Hell yeah ♪ - ♪ Number one, yeah ♪

♪ I'm still number one ♪ - ♪ Hell yeah ♪

- ♪ Number one, always be number one ♪

♪ Don't forget it, yeah, I'm still number one ♪

- ♪ Hell yeah ♪