Original subtitles

- Previously on "First Wives Club."

- I know I filed for divorce,

but he was supposed to keep fighting for me.

I have an emergency.

Jesus, the bartender, he wants to give me the D!

- Ah, don't overthink it, and have some fun.

- I think you'd do well to go back to the actual place

where you first remember falling in love with Gary.

- I wanna work on our marriage.

- So happy to hear you say that.

- Running his campaign is a full-time job.

I quit. Effective immediately.

- I can live with losing the Senate race,

but I can't live with losing you.

- Tell me you don't miss practicing law.

- I ain't going to Albany.

- I am not interested in being in that town

without my wife by my side.

♪ ♪

- [screaming] - Yo, chill!

- I wanna do a partnership-- 60, 40.

- Make it 65, 35.

- It's our drama that is climbing the top of the charts.

Not your song.

- I would rather fail on my own

than succeed with your punk ass.

- He stole millions from Hazel

and used that money to start the new label.

- Shut up and get in the van! - [grunts]

- I found your bank accounts and your tax forms,

both sets.

- All right, what you want? - Everything.

- So what's next for you and your new label?

- When women support each other,

there's nothing we can't do.

["Juice" by Lizzo playing]

[upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪

- Cliché, yes, but it's true what they say.

Good friends make you laugh a little louder,

smile a little bigger,

and make life in general a little better.

Well, in our case, a hell of a lot better.

But being a good friend takes effort.

It's all a big balancing act:

trying to be a good mother.

- ♪ I be dripping so much sauce ♪

- A good partner, despite being over 3,000 miles away.

- ♪ Crystal ball ♪

♪ That's cool, baby, so is you ♪

♪ That's how I roll ♪

- Just landed.

- ♪ Everybody gonna shine ♪

- And kick-ass at work.

Night after night after night.

- ♪ Better over time ♪

♪ Heard you say I'm not the baddest ♪

♪ You lyin' ♪

- And even when you think

you've managed to balance it all,

life still throws you a curve ball anyway.

- ♪ It ain't my fault that I'm out here making news ♪

♪ I'm the pudding in the proof ♪

♪ Gotta blame it on my juice ♪

- And with 20 million users worldwide,

Anonymou.sly's profits this year will exceed 100 million.

[crowd gasping]

Not bad for a Black girl from the Bronx.

[laughter]

Listen, my very existence is proof

that one need not come from money

or have an MBA from Wharton

to be a successful multi-millionaire entrepreneur.

All you need is a good idea,

a great demand for that idea,

and the balls to make it happen.

[chuckles]

Now, questions from the audience,

and I do mean questions.

- Maxine Hart. - Yes, yes.

What's your question?

- Maxine Hart, on behalf of your husband,

Brian Hart, you've been served.

♪ ♪

- That's some savage shit right there.

- So savage, but I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of impressed.

- Total dick move,

but well-played if you're going for views.

- 2 million and counting.

- Well, listen, Jayla, Robin and I

are taking a big risk by giving you this case.

- And the only reason why we agreed

is that Ari personally vouched for you.

- And she also blackmailed us by refusing to set up

the LA office if we didn't agree.

- She has massive shoes to fill.

- Now you are overwhelming me with your confidence.

- Well, this case has the potential to be huge for us.

We can't afford to make any mistakes.

- Wow, well, ladies, thank you for the pep talk,

but let me remind you, I spent two years in Syracuse

clerking for the Supreme Court justice,

followed by three years as a litigator.

And if that's not enough,

I survived one of the meanest, nastiest divorces in history

from a soul-sucking sorry excuse of a man.

I not only won, I annihilated him.

- Well, as long as you can back up that cockiness.

Who's representing the husband?

- Jacob Rosen. - Shit, he is good.

- Brilliant, strategic.

Knows how to wear a suit. - Mm-hmm.

- Wouldn't mind seeing him without one.

- I don't care if he can bend it like Beckham.

I'm a Scorpio. So trust,

he's not ready for what I got coming.

- All right, ladies, I have an 11:00

with a certain Knicks player's wife

who's got her husband's threesome on tape.

both: Ooh! - That's so good.

- You have fun with that, and Jayla and I

will just keep you looped in on the whole Maxine situation.

- All right. - Absolutely.

[laidback music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, babe.

- Of course, you call me back

as I'm literally walking into a meeting.

- How's the office looking?

- Oh, God, looks somewhere between screaming and crying,

and I'm gonna be doing interview all day.

- Oh, I'm sorry. FaceTime dinner tonight?

- Yes, done.

It's a date. I love you.

- Love you too, beautiful.

♪ ♪

- Dr. Washington?

- Yeah. - Your daughter called again.

- Oh, can you tell her I'll be home

in 30 minutes or less or she gets a free pizza?

- Sure.

- Very impressive, Dr. Washington.

[sensual music]

- Damn, damn.

Thank you so much, everybody, for that record-time surgery.

Thank you so much.

- I'm Dr. Reynard, the new hospital administrator.

- I'm Dr. Washington.

Nice to--oh. - Pleasure.

- You couldn't wait till I didn't look

like an ad for Mr. Bubble?

- Oh, you look beautiful.

- You're beautiful. - What?

- What? - Listen,

it's not every day you get to see nerve surgery

of the brachial plexus,

especially when executed so flawlessly.

- Well, thank you so much.

Did you take a video because I'd love to see it?

- We did not,

but I'll be keeping an eye on you, Dr. Washington.

- Okay, I'll be keeping an eye on you, Dr. Reynard.

- Good day. - You too.

"I'll keeping an eye on you."

- You okay? - Yeah, I'm okay--you okay?

- Mm-hmm. - Great.

Can you order a pizza and send it to my house?

You knew I was lying when I said I'd be home

in 30 minutes or less.

Judgy.

- ♪ Boy, you want that ooh na na ♪

- All right, you're ready

for something sweet and delicious?

- [laughs] Mmm.

Mmm...

♪ ♪

Not what I had in mind, but I like it.

- That was just one appetiser, you know,

but me have the full entrée.

- Yes, you do.

- [clears throat]

- Curtis? This is not a good time.

- Problem is, there never is a good time.

- What can I say? I'm busy, Curtis.

- Your call logs. Mostly Ari and Bree.

- Tell them we'll have dinner

at Chez Ballari when I get back.

- Will do. Also, several talent managers

that I assume you want me to schedule appointments with.

- Why are you so annoying?

- Because I have to be.

Hazel, you forget your time is no longer your own.

It belongs to FAI because they write the cheques,

which we love for Ladies First,

and we need to find an artist to present to the parent label

when we get back to New York in four days.

- You're wearing me out. - That's right.

Chop, chop, time to get down to work, Miss Hazel.

Also, what do you want me to do about Mr. Duty-Free over here?

- He can hear you. - I know.

- [scoffs]

[bright music]

- How is it going with Kat?

- She's an arrogant ball-busting bully,

but I love it.

She and I are gonna get along just fine.

- I'd like to say her bark is worse than her bite,

but really it's not. Do you miss Syracuse?

- Nobody misses Syracuse. You getting me this job

at this firm is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

You know I'm not gonna let you down.

- Oh, you had better not.

- I got a double shot skinny latte for Jalayla.

- Jayla. Jayla, that's it.

Only two syllables. You didn't even try.

How's LA? - Stupid.

- Says every New Yorker.

You'll be fine. Just give it a beat.

- Mm-mm, doubtful.

- Oh, shit. Maxine's here.

I gotta go.

♪ ♪

Maxine, how are you holding up?

- Well, I could kill him.

A slow violent death. That's how I'm holding up.

- You have my full support usually,

but, as your attorney, I can't suggest murder.

- Well, I wouldn't say never,

but let's try for a legal slang first.

- Is there a prenup in place?

- No. When we first got married,

we were so broke, we couldn't even afford

a headboard on the bed.

Never in a million years did I think that

Anonymou.sly would take off the way that it has.

- Walk me through the Anonymou.sly site.

- We're basically Ashley Madison,

except for celebrities and high-income clientele

who are looking to have a little fun on the side.

- Ah, you help men cheat on their wives.

- Women too. We're equal opportunity.

- And so is New York state divorce law.

As the monied spouse, you're looking at handing

over substantial proportions of all your assets.

- The hell I am. This is my company

and I'm not handing over a substantial amount of shit.

I built this company on my own.

- I'm sorry, it says here he's the director of vision.

- Have you heard of a director of vision?

No, it's a bullshit title that I gave him,

so we could both pretend he had a real job.

Ridiculous.

- Hey, regardless of what he actually contributed

to the vision of Anonymou.sly,

without a prenup we have our work cut out for us,

but you have come to the right firm.

- You can't be serious.

I mean, I've been supporting

his lazy ass for years and now...

- He got another woman. Don't he?

- How do you know? - It was just a hunch

that I get from being in this business long enough.

Statistically, men who file for divorce,

it's because of another woman.

- Yeah, well, I could kill his lying, cheating, trifling ass.

He just gets to live happily ever after on my dime.

See, this is how women end up on "Snapped."

[dreamy ambient music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, my Ari's gonna love this.

- ♪ If you wanna come, lay up ♪

- All right.

- ♪ If you wanna come, pay up ♪

♪ But you know you've got ♪

♪ Work in the morning ♪

[phone trilling]

♪ Don't got no obligations ♪

♪ At least for today ♪

[phone continues trilling]

- Seriously?

- ♪ As long as you wanna ♪

- Where is she?

[phone continues trilling]

- ♪ Thing's in the air, ah ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I don't wanna see you no more ♪

♪ 'cause every time I see you ♪

♪ It's a different excuse ♪

[phone ringing]

♪ I don't wanna be here no more ♪

♪ 'cause I feel like I'm wasting time ♪

♪ Being too emotional ♪

[phone ringing]

♪ I'm not your baby ♪

- Oh.

- ♪ It's driving you crazy ♪

♪ We ain't working towards nothing ♪

♪ Swear that we something ♪

[phone continues ringing]

- Hey.

- Hey--okay.

"Hey," is--is that all you have to say?

- David, I'm sorry. It's just been crazy.

- Oh, yeah. My day was crazy too, Ari,

and I came home and cooked a whole meal

and waited and waited until the food got cold.

- Wait, you cooked?

- Well, I ordered pasta, but--

but then made a house salad to go with it.

I chopped those onions by hand, Ari.

- Why?

Why didn't you just order a salad from the restaurant?

- I don't know. No, don't do that.

That is not the point. The point is,

you say make the effort.

Well, well, that and this, this is me making the effort.

Where were you?

- Actually, at work.

I'm sorry, David.

I forgot about the time difference.

I just--and setting up a fully functioning law office

is a shit ton of work.

Not to mention, I gotta worry about Jayla

and how she's settling in in New York

and--and I haven't even gotten started about LA traffic.

I sat on the freeway for an hour and a half.

LA sucks, but-- but, but, but, but

I will make it up to you when you get here.

- Yeah.

Maybe...

maybe you'd be willing to give a brother a little preview.

Doesn't that bra snap in the front?

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

I want you pent up till the weekend.

Me and you. No work.

Just play.

- Oh, I'll be pent.

- Baby? - Yeah, baby.

- I don't know if Imani was happier about the pizza

or having you home before she went to bed.

- That is hilarious 'cause you know it was the pizza.

- It was the pizza. It was definitely the pizza.

[laughs] But, no, she enjoys

spending time with you too. I mean, we all did.

- It's really a wonder I could stay awake

because I'm just all the way exhausted.

It was such a long day.

Like two surgeries on my feet all day.

Barely had time for lunch,

but so fun hanging with you guys.

- Hey, you still gonna be able to make it

to the block party planning meeting tomorrow, right?

- Oh, my God, hell to the yes.

I wouldn't miss it for anything.

- Mm-hmm. - I'm gonna go and look

at all those bitches that tried to holler at you

when they thought we were getting divorced.

- Mm-hmm. - I'm gonna put them on notice.

- And-slash-more importantly,

it's something fun for us to do.

- My man is in charge 'cause ain't no party

like a Gary and Bree party. You heard me?

I think I'm gonna low-key multitask

and then stunt on them hoes at the same time.

- That's right, baby.

I want you to stunt on them hoes.

Oh, dammit. Bree, in the bed?

- What?

Every woman of a particular age has one.

Your mum's got a lot of them.

- I guess sex is off the table tonight.

- Oh, my God. Is it Wednesday?

- It is Wednesday.

- Oh, my God.

- [clears throat]

[groans]

- I'm ready, baby. - Hey, what you--

ready for what?

- It's Wednesday. It's what I'm saying.

- Yeah, no, no, no, I know. I know, I know.

It is Wednesday, but I know you're tired, baby.

You know, you had--

- Yeah, I had to do two surgeries.

- Yeah, you had two surgeries. You had two surgeries.

You delirious.

- No, baby, we said on Wednesday, we're gonna do it.

- Right, I know.

- Every Wednesday, and today's Wednesday, and it's hump day.

- Mm-hmm. - So come on, let's do it.

- Don't you worry, you know what we do.

We take--we take today and we move it to Thursday

and we just gonna have hump day on Thursday.

All right, baby, go--get you-- get you some sleep, okay?

I love you. - Okay, Gary,

it feels like you don't wanna have sex with me.

- I didn't--okay. I'm not saying that.

I'm saying, you know, you're eating--you eating hot Cheetos.

- I put it away.

- You got--you plucking hairs.

You got-- - It's the one hair.

- This mix-match pajamas on and then the stank ass,

but why don't you ever wash this?

- Don't touch my bonnet. - I'm not, okay.

- Don't do my bonnet like that. Excuse me.

Look at these edges.

These edges are glorious and tame, and they have

to remain this way, which is why I wear the bonnet.

And if I wash my bonnet, the elastic is gonna break

and then I don't have nice edges.

Have unruly edges.

Do you want me to have unruly edges?

- Keep the bonnet on. Okay.

My point is, I just feel like sometimes you go

out of your way to not be sexy. That's all I'm saying.

- Okay, hold up. Did you just call me not sexy?

Do you just say I'm not sexy?

- No, no, no, no. Don't do that.

- It feels like you just said your wife is not sexy.

- That's not at all what I said.

- Your wife that holds it down for you.

That stresses her body out

for you to have children, is not sexy.

- Really? - So, negro, I'm sorry, okay?

But you're gonna have to wanna fuck this no matter what.

That's what marriage is.

Just like I gotta get it together and fuck a dude

that has a 12-step dental routine.

Newsflash, Gary, you gotta brush 'em in the morning.

- All right, well, it's Wednesday.

It's hump day. Let's do it.

Come on, I wanna do it. I wanna--let's--come on.

- I don't wanna do it no more. - Just, just--

- No, I don't wanna do it no more.

- I'm just saying just angle this way.

- I'm saying--no one's angling anything anywhere.

- Why are we, why-- - Because I'm done.

I don't wanna do it. Goodnight.

It's over. You ruined it.

- Okay, fine. You know what?

I'm just trying to communicate like we learned how to do.

- Why are you still talking? - Just--you know what?

Just shut your light off. Can you cut your light off?

- Cut your light off. - My light is off.

- Oh.

- Thank you. Good night.

- You're still talking.

- Love you. - Shut up.

- I said, I love you. You can't say I love you back?

- I have feelings of love towards you.

[chips crunching]

- Ari, I really just wanna drink

every last one of my feelings,

but I have six more patients to see.

So I just have to eat them instead.

- Ugh, I miss the salads at Mauricio's.

- Girl, my feelings don't want a overpriced salad with tuna.

This half-rate sandwich barely hits the spot.

It is so dry. I need lotion for this.

- Oh, my God. Hazel's texting us.

[gasps]

She's finally coming back from touring.

- Aw, dinner at Chez Ballari's.

I'm sad you won't be there.

- Maybe you could invite Jayla on my behalf.

I mean, I know she's, like, settling in,

but I don't think she has, like, people there, you know?

- Doesn't Hazel have beef with her?

- That was years ago.

Even a Taurus like Hazel should be over it by now.

- You have met our Hazel, right?

We're talking about the same Hazel?

- All right, check this out. David's coming this weekend

and I want it to be perfect.

So does this say,

"I missed you, baby"?

- For $400, it should say "I'll fuck him for you."

- Come on, Bree.

David and I seriously need to reconnect.

I mean, between work and the time difference,

we can barely get in a phone call.

This weekend is really important.

- I get that, girl. I really do,

but you're still playing dress-up

to the tune of $400 drawers?

- The bra was $600. - A G?

[clears throat] - Shh.

- A thousand dollars to wrap a present

for someone who's already opened it a thousand times?

Hell to the no, lingerie is for sad single women

that have to pay for their own meals.

That's the good thing about marriage.

You could drop the facade,

get a six-pack of cotton panties,

super soft from Dwayne Reed for $7 with a coupon.

$8 if you want the ones with the animal print.

- Mm, and how's that workin' out for you?

- Too soon, bitch, okay? Too soon.

- But, look, I'm with Gary on this one.

You oughta keep the fire burning in the bedroom

or those lingerie-wearing single women will.

- Well, all I'm sayin' is, if I dropped a G

on two pieces of lingerie,

the only thing burning in my bedroom

would be Gary setting fire to my credit cards.

[upbeat music]

- Just make it quick. Dr. Washington.

- Dr. Reynard, how are you?

- Good. Good to see you again.

- Nice to see you too.

- You got a minute?

- Uh, not really. Is it important?

- Yes. The current chief of surgery

is leaving to pursue an opportunity

at a teaching hospital in Texas.

- Didn't his wife get knocked up by the head of pediatrics?

- Yes.

- Allegedly.

- Supposedly. I heard about that.

Listen, I am spearheading the search for his replacement

and I would love to throw your hat in the ring.

- What? Wow.

That is amazing. Thank you so much.

I'm--I'm honoured.

I--I'm also really overwhelmed with work already

and the kids, and chiefs,

I mean, they tend to do less surgery

and I'm so good at surgery,

and they have to do a lot more people stuff,

and I kind of mid-key hate people.

- Oh, go on. I know it.

I took this job because I mid-key hate patients.

- Patients are the worst,

unless they're under anesthesia,

then they're, like, the best. - Oh, then they're my favourite.

They just babble and drool on themselves.

- Yes. - I love it.

Listen, I know you got a lot on your plate,

but becoming chief of surgery

would be really great for your career.

- Okay. - So think about it.

- Yeah, I'll definitely think about it.

- Oh, maybe we can have dinner this week

to talk about it more.

- Yeah, I would love to have dinner this week

and talk about it more. That'd be nice.

- Looking forward to it.

- I'm looking forward to it too.

Thank you so much. - Thank you.

Have a good rest of your day.

- You have a great day, Dr. Reynard.

[watch chirps]

Oh, shit.

- As soon as Bree gets here, we'll jump in.

- I know I suggested to have bananas on the fruit salad,

but can those be locally sourced?

- Of course, we can locally source that.

Don't you worry about that, Penny.

- Hey, everyone.

Sorry, I'm late. This is everybody?

- Yeah. - Can you freeze cannolis?

'cause I really feel like I overbought.

- Bree, where have you been?

- I know, I'm so sorry. I was running behind.

I got stuck at work and then I had to go to the bakery

and I'm like, "Why call or text

when I can just show up with the baked goods?"

- Wait, wait, it's supposed to be vegan.

Specifically says it's supposed to be vegan.

Emailed you, texted you, I left a post-it--"get the vegan."

- There, vegan.

- Okay, you're-- - Hi, everyone, I'm Bree.

Gary's wife.

We weren't together before, now we're together.

We've be getting it in, honey, every Wednesday night.

I know he can't reach everything,

but he reaches the things that he's supposed to.

[laughs]

Is there alcohol in that?

[sultry music]

♪ ♪

[phone ringing]

- Well, hello.

- Ari, honey, um...

- No, no, no.

That was for that gorgeous Hermes birthday tie.

Now you, Mr. Montgomery,

whoever gave that tie to you has impeccable taste.

I better be seeing you in that tie

and own that tie in T-minus-- wait, where are you?

Aren't you supposed to be on a plane?

- Don't kill me, please.

- Ugh, it depends on what happens next.

- I'm still in New York. - David.

- I know, I know, but this crazy thing happened.

I, I was leaving the office

to, to head to the airport

when all of a sudden,

the car in front of me tried to make a left

and--and got clipped by a bus.

- Oh, my God.

- Yeah, that-- that's what I said, oh, my God.

Fortunately, everyone was okay,

but by the time the fire department came

and the police and I had to give a statement

I, I just lost track of the time.

- Are you telling me you aren't coming?

- Well, it's too late for tonight.

I mean, I, I could, I could come tomorrow,

but by the time I get there, I'd practically have to leave.

- I bought a thong for you, David.

A lacy, pretty itchy thong

that is not designed to be worn

for more than 20 minutes, but I'm wearing it for you.

- Oh, no, don't tell me that. [sighs]

Baby...can I see it?

Just a little glimpse.

- No, no. Absolutely not.

It's an in-person deal only.

I'm taking this thing off immediately

before I catch something.

- Come on, babe. That's not--that is not fair.

You didn't have to do this gig in Los Angeles.

Re--remember I was the one

who said you should move with me to Albany instead.

- Yes, David,

so the only option was for me to give up my career again.

Nice compromise. Now, if you don't mind,

I must go pull this thong out of my ass.

- Yeah, but you--what if you-- - Bye, David.

♪ ♪

- ♪ You know how to kill a vibe ♪

♪ We in and out on the regular ♪

♪ And are you really where you say you are? ♪

♪ Right or wrong, I'll stick with you ♪

- Oh, God. Okay.

- [sighs]

- ♪ You say a lot of things ♪

♪ Yeah, lot of things, yeah ♪

♪ You say a lot of things ♪

♪ You say a lot of things, yeah ♪

- Okay. So I made the meeting.

That's what you call four people just railing

against the evils of cotton candy for a whole hour.

I mean, what was that?

♪ ♪

What's your problem?

- What's my problem?

Bree, you're not holdin' up your end of the bargain.

- Those bitches really aren't vegan, okay?

I coulda sworn I saw Penelope at Sweet Chick,

just housing some chipotle fried chicken.

That's a new flavour they have on the menu; it is delicious.

- Listen, when we agreed to give our marriage another shot,

you made a lot of promises that you haven't kept, Bree, hmm.

- Excuse me, Gary, I am busting my ass, working long days,

spending more time with you and the kids,

coming up with new games for game night

because you decided that the kids are too damn good for UNO.

I'm sucking your dick every Wednesday night

and acting like I like it.

And I'm buying overpriced baked goods for adults

that should have eaten before they came to my house,

and you're saying it's not good enough?

- You said that we would stay in therapy.

- Yes.

When we have the time, we will go back.

We've been really busy.

- You also said you would be more present,

but you didn't even engage at the block club party meeting.

You didn't even engage, not one time.

- Oh, my God, I'm sorry-- - Not one time.

No suggestions. You didn't engage.

- I'm sorry, I didn't engage in a banana controversy.

I am tired.

My brain and my limbs are exhausted

from fusing a spinal column. Excuse me.

- Right, you also said that-- that--that we would do

a better job communicating

and then the other night, you turn your back on me.

I know you remember that. Yeah.

- Oh, Lord, is this about the bonnet?

I will buy a new bonnet. - Are you--

This is not about the bonnet. Bree, this is about everything.

- Yeah, and this seems like it's all about my shit.

I don't hear anything about Gary's shit.

- What is my shit? - You wanna hear your shit?

- Tell me my shit.

- I would love to tell you about your shit.

- Because you know what? You have to communicate my shit

in order for me to work on my shit.

That's how that works. - Excuse me.

- Did you not know that? That's how that works.

- Oh, how do you know that I'm not communicating all your shit

because I've realised that you're trying.

I recognise that you're putting effort in,

so I don't wanna throw every little thing in your face.

Okay, maybe you could give me the same courtesy.

- What does that mean?

- It means where's my "Good job, Bree,

"for working a long ass day

"and rushing home for your stupid little block party

planning meeting bullshit." With four people?

- Sure, there were people that RSVP'd that didn't make it,

but it doesn't matter.

My block club party meeting was lit.

- It was whack.

- Okay.

Do you hear us?

It's like we right back where we were.

- No we're--we're not right back where we were.

- Did we rush back into this too soon?

- What?

We have an argument about a meeting or whatever,

and--and you are questioning our whole relationship.

- I'm not, nobody wants to make this work more than I do, okay?

Believe that, but I know it's not working, Bree.

I just don't know how to fix it.

- Maybe we just go back to therapy.

- Okay.

♪ ♪

- Bree, thank you for getting me out.

You have no idea how much I needed this release.

It's crazy trying to be the new Ari at work.

- Oh, I kinda have an idea and I do not envy you.

- You shouldn't. - Good luck with that though.

Oh, Hazel. - Hazel Hazel?

Did you tell her you invited me?

- Yeah, we're good.

both: Hi!

Ooh.

- Back from her sold out tour.

Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only Hazel Rachelle.

- Oh, I have missed your intros.

Oh, excuse me, I'll have a bottle of your finest Dom.

Thank you.

Oh.

What is she doing here?

- You remember-- both: Jayla?

- I remember Ari bringing her to a party at my house

where she spewed a fifth of scotch in my kitchen sink.

- Was that me? Are you sure? If so, I am so sorry.

- Not sorry enough to clean it up though.

- So long ago.

I don't really remember the details.

- Yeah, but I do. I remember.

Oh, thank you. - Just keep it coming.

- Luckily I am in a forgiving mood

because I'm having the most phenomenal,

amazing, frequent sex with my new boo.

- What, who's your new boo?

Okay, girl.

- There he is.

- Stella got her groove back. - Okay.

- Dear Bree and Jayla, this is Nigel.

both: Hey, Nigel.

♪ ♪

- My fiancé.

♪ ♪

We're engaged.

- ♪ So cravin' it ♪

♪ So amazin', and it ain't fair ♪

- ♪ Hell yeah ♪ - ♪ Number one, yeah ♪

♪ I'm still number one ♪ - ♪ Hell yeah ♪

- ♪ Number one, always be number one ♪

- ♪ Oh ♪

♪ Took you for mine of the major ♪

- ♪ Oh ♪

- ♪ You won't admit it ♪

♪ You're the fruits of my labor ♪

- ♪ Hell yeah ♪ - ♪ Number one, yeah ♪

♪ I'm still number one ♪ - ♪ Hell yeah ♪

- ♪ Number one, always be number one ♪

- ♪ Oh ♪

♪ Don't forget it, yeah, I'm still number one ♪

- ♪ Hell yeah ♪

- [snaps] - Whoo!

[animal bleats]