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1
00:00:01,260 --> 00:00:04,560
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
2
00:00:04,810 --> 00:00:08,810
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:08,980 --> 00:00:12,890
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
4
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:16,810
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:16,990 --> 00:00:20,840
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
6
00:00:21,090 --> 00:00:23,350
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:24,620
[laughs]
8
00:00:24,690 --> 00:00:25,770
Ooh! [growls]
9
00:00:25,790 --> 00:00:27,190
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
10
00:00:27,210 --> 00:00:29,210
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
11
00:00:32,550 --> 00:00:34,890
All right,
assistant coach Dunker.
12
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,280
- Orange slices?
- Yup.
13
00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:37,780
- Juice boxes?
- Yup.
14
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:38,970
- First aid kit?
- Yup.
15
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:40,620
That's everything I forgot to bring.
16
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:44,040
Hmm.
All right, bring it in, Plungers!
17
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:45,900
Good hustle, Henley!
18
00:00:45,970 --> 00:00:50,220
Ow! I have weak bones
'cause my mom is vegan.
19
00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:53,390
Now remember our motto:
W-I-N.
20
00:00:53,450 --> 00:00:55,650
Winning Isn't Necessary!
21
00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,580
- That's good, cause we never do.
- That's the spirit, honey!
22
00:00:59,650 --> 00:01:02,410
Organized sports is all about
fresh air and having fun.
23
00:01:02,490 --> 00:01:04,900
Winning would be
a mowale booster.
24
00:01:04,980 --> 00:01:06,920
The least we can do
is beat the spread!
25
00:01:07,070 --> 00:01:08,830
My pop's got two bills
on the game.
26
00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:11,910
Relax, my kid says
they're gonna bend it
27
00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:15,240
like, what's his name, Beckham!
How ya ma's, good?
28
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:17,430
Okay, gang, now get out there
29
00:01:17,580 --> 00:01:20,930
and give it whatever percent
you feel comfortable with!
30
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:24,490
Kimberly, shut your phone off.
This isn't baseball.
31
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:26,420
You can't look away
for an hour and miss nothing.
32
00:01:26,421 --> 00:01:29,031
Sorry, my witches' coven is
electing a new high priestess.
33
00:01:29,181 --> 00:01:31,090
It's between me and Samantha.
34
00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:33,760
Her curses are just spells,
but voters can be fooled by that!
35
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:37,950
Wow, at your age I was wild
about my roller skates.
36
00:01:39,290 --> 00:01:42,800
- Is that the end of the story, Mom?
- Yeah, pretty much.
37
00:01:42,810 --> 00:01:44,610
[grunts]
38
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:48,030
[whistle blows]
Great illegal catch, Gigi!
39
00:01:48,110 --> 00:01:50,350
Great whistle, Ref!
40
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,200
Great goal, opposing team!
41
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:54,110
[disappointed sigh]
42
00:01:54,130 --> 00:01:58,260
- Heck of a disappointed sigh, Jing.
- Ugh.
43
00:02:00,050 --> 00:02:01,640
So, the coven's been texting,
44
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,290
and you're unfit to hold
the office of high priestess.
45
00:02:04,310 --> 00:02:06,310
Yeah, and we know it was you
who cast
46
00:02:06,390 --> 00:02:08,370
a water retention spell on Samantha
47
00:02:08,390 --> 00:02:10,630
because her ankles...
they look insane.
48
00:02:10,710 --> 00:02:13,300
My socks don't fit anymore!
49
00:02:13,335 --> 00:02:14,640
You think I'm unfit for leadership?
50
00:02:14,650 --> 00:02:16,880
Let's hear you say that
when you're strangled
51
00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:18,610
by your own hair at midnight!
52
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:22,550
Gah!
53
00:02:22,570 --> 00:02:25,980
- Everything okay, honey?
- I'll never be high priestess!
54
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,070
Hex Claire!
Hex everyone!
55
00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:30,340
Language!
Well, I gotta get to work.
56
00:02:30,490 --> 00:02:32,580
Are you gonna be okay home alone
57
00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:34,260
with none of your friends
speaking to you
58
00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:36,490
and a drawer full
of freshly sharpened knives?
59
00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:39,250
- [crying] Y-y-y-y-yes.
- Okie doke!
60
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,569
There's Stouffer's in the freezer.
61
00:02:41,570 --> 00:02:43,680
[sobbing]
62
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:48,340
Hey, I know! Why don't
you come to work with me?
63
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:51,360
I. Don't. Need. Your. Pity.
64
00:02:51,430 --> 00:02:53,430
Come on, it'll be fun!
65
00:02:53,510 --> 00:02:55,840
[sing song]
We've got a vending machine.
66
00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:59,200
Famous Amos,
and they're pummeled to crumbs.
67
00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:01,030
You're just gonna keep
talking like that
68
00:03:01,110 --> 00:03:03,700
- until I say yes, right?
- [sing-songy] Yes I am!
69
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,599
Fine. I'll go.
70
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,433
[sing-song]
That's my... okay, sorry.
71
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:13,040
You're, uh, probably wondering
why I'm wearing a whistle.
72
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:14,940
To alert people
if you get touched?
73
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,050
My mom got the same one
at her self-defense class.
74
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,130
I'm assistant coach
of my sister's team,
75
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:23,040
which means I get to be
head coach if my dad dies.
76
00:03:23,110 --> 00:03:24,800
Hey, that's great!
77
00:03:24,950 --> 00:03:26,220
Coach, can I talk to you?
78
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,449
Of course, but don't call me coach.
79
00:03:28,450 --> 00:03:31,800
Right now, I'm wearing my
Daddy hat. Figuratively.
80
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,470
I don't wear
my actual Daddy hat anymore
81
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,430
because it gave some men
the wrong impression.
82
00:03:35,454 --> 00:03:38,240
The team thinks
maybe we'd win more, or once,
83
00:03:38,390 --> 00:03:41,050
if you were just a little tougher on us.
84
00:03:41,070 --> 00:03:43,410
Yeah, wight a fwire under our butts!
85
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:48,431
Sorry. My dad was a yelling coach,
and I do not want that for you.
86
00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:52,580
Eye on the ball, Jackie!
87
00:03:52,740 --> 00:03:55,309
Look at me
when I'm talking to you!
88
00:03:55,310 --> 00:03:57,910
- Strike!
- What did I tell you?!
89
00:03:57,980 --> 00:04:00,482
Two conflicting things?
90
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,910
[slow triumphant music]
91
00:04:06,990 --> 00:04:10,010
[crowd cheers]
92
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:12,440
You call that a parody
of "The Natural"?!
93
00:04:12,590 --> 00:04:14,350
It's actually an homage!
94
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:16,500
Don't tell me what an homage is!
95
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,430
[yells and gibbers]
96
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:21,850
You call that running for your life?!
97
00:04:21,930 --> 00:04:25,340
But you won! Isn't that the
whole idea of kids' sports?
98
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,770
She gets it! It's all about
humiliating your opponent.
99
00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:31,360
And these thought bubbles
make me look dead.
100
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,270
I live twenty minutes away!
Come see me sometime.
101
00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:36,690
- Okay.
- Not you.
102
00:04:36,700 --> 00:04:39,880
- Her! The winner!
- Hi, Grandpa!
103
00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:48,580
This is so exciting!
You only know me as Home Mom.
104
00:04:48,650 --> 00:04:50,840
You've never seen me
as Work Mom.
105
00:04:50,910 --> 00:04:52,080
It'll blow your mind.
106
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:54,520
It's just you with a stapler, right?
107
00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,750
It was not a red zone!
It was a white zone!
108
00:04:59,830 --> 00:05:02,420
White because you painted it, scumbag.
109
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,090
[screams]
110
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:05,440
Please, anybody, help!
111
00:05:05,590 --> 00:05:07,780
My partner got hit!
It's bad!
112
00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:09,740
Not on my watch.
113
00:05:10,930 --> 00:05:13,600
Do not die on me!
114
00:05:13,620 --> 00:05:15,700
You've still got
parade routes to mark!
115
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:18,849
[all cheer]
116
00:05:18,850 --> 00:05:22,020
Somebody better change
street sweeping to Tuesdays,
117
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,040
or I'll blow us all to hell!
118
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:25,450
[all scream]
119
00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,540
This dynamite is a hot dog!
120
00:05:28,690 --> 00:05:33,826
And this hot dog is dy-no-mite!
[all cheer]
121
00:05:34,370 --> 00:05:36,960
- This is what you do at work?!
- Not really. It's a slow day.
122
00:05:36,980 --> 00:05:38,460
I know I'm not supposed
to say this,
123
00:05:38,484 --> 00:05:42,130
- but you're a friggin' badass.
- I'll allow it this once.
124
00:05:42,210 --> 00:05:44,300
[rock music]
125
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:45,630
Who are those guys?
126
00:05:45,650 --> 00:05:49,650
Ooh, that's SPF:
Special Parking Force.
127
00:05:49,730 --> 00:05:52,879
We call them The Pad Boys.
They make the rules.
128
00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:56,240
Except for themselves.
That's why they don't have any.
129
00:05:56,310 --> 00:05:58,570
- Rules.
- I get it, Mom.
130
00:05:58,650 --> 00:05:59,830
Annie!
131
00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:03,320
Shane! Fitz!
Gutter!
132
00:06:03,340 --> 00:06:05,410
All right.
You got my d-nuts?
133
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,510
You know I do, Shane!
134
00:06:07,580 --> 00:06:09,899
We'd do it ourselves,
but you know they taste better
135
00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:12,750
when you plate them
and wash the plate after.
136
00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:15,180
Napkin me, A-Train.
137
00:06:15,330 --> 00:06:19,239
They call me A-Train.
And they make up their own rules.
138
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:23,000
Hey, did you get my theory
about fake handicap placards
139
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:24,430
outside CrossFit gyms?
140
00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:27,079
Yeah, you're definitely onto something.
141
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:28,270
You want me to follow up?
142
00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:30,360
Nah, Fitz and Gutter
will take care of it.
143
00:06:30,510 --> 00:06:32,920
You know the deal, A-Train.
You set 'em up...
144
00:06:32,940 --> 00:06:34,510
And you knock 'em down!
145
00:06:34,530 --> 00:06:36,440
And when we have beers
with the mayor,
146
00:06:36,590 --> 00:06:40,149
we will be sure
to drink a silent toast to you.
147
00:06:41,020 --> 00:06:43,770
But we do have
a special assignment for you.
148
00:06:43,780 --> 00:06:44,780
I'm ready.
149
00:06:44,860 --> 00:06:47,710
- [singsong] Somebody has a birthday!
- It's me.
150
00:06:47,860 --> 00:06:49,030
I'm on it!
151
00:06:49,110 --> 00:06:51,300
[upbeat music playing]
152
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:55,200
Happy birthday Gutter!
Unh!
153
00:06:55,220 --> 00:06:57,390
Guess who's proud?
Your mutter! Unh!
154
00:06:57,470 --> 00:06:59,420
'Cause she pushed you out!
155
00:06:59,421 --> 00:07:01,370
Unh!
Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh!
156
00:07:01,390 --> 00:07:04,230
- Whoo!
- Sugar Tickets!
157
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:07,247
[groans quietly]
158
00:07:09,070 --> 00:07:10,070
Okay, Henley.
159
00:07:10,140 --> 00:07:11,630
If it gets too lonely in the goal,
160
00:07:11,650 --> 00:07:13,980
feel free to leave the net
and join the rest of the team.
161
00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:15,700
Make friends!
162
00:07:18,820 --> 00:07:21,300
[whistle blows]
163
00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:23,140
Dad, we cannot lose this game!
164
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,040
It's the other team's nap time!
165
00:07:26,250 --> 00:07:28,750
You're right.
Let's try to keep it down!
166
00:07:28,900 --> 00:07:30,830
[muffled scream]
167
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:35,270
- Dad, will you sign my history test?
- Twenty-two percent?
168
00:07:35,290 --> 00:07:36,650
Duncan, do you know
how little work
169
00:07:36,674 --> 00:07:38,700
you have to do
to get a grade this low?
170
00:07:38,780 --> 00:07:40,380
Oh, that's the one answer
I do know.
171
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:44,040
You know I don't like to yell, but
your mom thinks school is important!
172
00:07:44,060 --> 00:07:45,610
I am so disappointed in you!
173
00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:49,449
Eyy foccacia!
Coach is disappointed in us!
174
00:07:49,450 --> 00:07:51,230
I mean, I don't expect perfection,
175
00:07:51,310 --> 00:07:53,460
but you at least need to pass!
176
00:07:53,470 --> 00:07:55,380
You heard him, Bradley!
Pass!
177
00:07:55,460 --> 00:07:58,390
I respond well to directness.
178
00:07:58,460 --> 00:08:01,630
[wondrous music]
179
00:08:01,650 --> 00:08:04,630
Start using that head of yours!
180
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:07,830
Use my noodle?
Don't mind if I do!
181
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:11,750
You need to achieve your goals!
182
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:16,309
[all cheer]
183
00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:19,550
Whoo!
We tied! We tied!
184
00:08:20,590 --> 00:08:23,500
Thanks for yelling at us, Daddy!
You're the best!
185
00:08:23,580 --> 00:08:26,170
Yelling at you?
No.
186
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,010
I was mad at Duncan for failing a test.
187
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,600
I told you,
I am not that kind of coach.
188
00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:33,850
Quench your thirst, Mr. Harris!
189
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,260
On the other hand,
having sticky Gatorade
190
00:08:36,330 --> 00:08:37,690
dumped down my back
does feel good.
191
00:08:37,714 --> 00:08:41,090
Bring it in, you little nose-pickers!
[all cheer]
192
00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:45,740
Relax, they won't shoot me
if I'm surrounded by kids.
193
00:08:46,950 --> 00:08:49,900
Ooh, a commercial
loading zone infraction.
194
00:08:50,010 --> 00:08:51,620
You came to work on a great day.
195
00:08:51,770 --> 00:08:54,139
So, are we gonna talk about
what happened at your office?
196
00:08:54,140 --> 00:08:55,519
Did something happen?
197
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,700
You were dancing on a desk
for your coworkers.
198
00:08:57,860 --> 00:08:59,280
It was Gutter's birthday.
199
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,540
Did Gutter dance on a desk
for your birthday?
200
00:09:01,690 --> 00:09:04,300
No, I danced on my own desk
for my birthday.
201
00:09:04,450 --> 00:09:06,620
You were such a badass
when we walked in,
202
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,470
but with those Pad Boys,
you seemed like a... kiss-ass.
203
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:13,680
Okay, I think we hit our max
on asses for today.
204
00:09:13,690 --> 00:09:16,620
That's just the way things are
in an office, honey.
205
00:09:16,700 --> 00:09:18,530
There's always people above you
206
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,520
that you act
a little differently around
207
00:09:20,530 --> 00:09:24,322
- or sometimes dance for.
- It's not just the dancing.
208
00:09:24,357 --> 00:09:25,630
There were
so many microaggressions.
209
00:09:25,780 --> 00:09:28,950
Ya, I keep hearing that word, and
it sounds adorable. What is it?
210
00:09:29,030 --> 00:09:31,710
They're these little insults
that, yeah, they could be jokes,
211
00:09:31,860 --> 00:09:33,740
but they're actually
just ways to keep you down.
212
00:09:33,764 --> 00:09:35,810
Oh, okay,
like baby aggressions!
213
00:09:35,990 --> 00:09:37,480
Mom, stop trying to make it cute.
214
00:09:37,490 --> 00:09:38,970
They make you arrange
their doughnuts,
215
00:09:38,994 --> 00:09:40,920
they compliment your ideas,
take them,
216
00:09:41,070 --> 00:09:42,160
and don't give you credit.
217
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:45,650
But they like me, and being liked
is the ticket to the top.
218
00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:47,320
Who would you rather be
President?
219
00:09:47,340 --> 00:09:48,840
Tom Hanks or The Grinch?
220
00:09:48,990 --> 00:09:50,930
It's obvious you want me
to say Tom Hanks.
221
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,680
The Grinch's heart is filled
with unwashed socks.
222
00:09:53,830 --> 00:09:56,510
Sweetie, I appreciate
your concern, but trust me,
223
00:09:56,660 --> 00:09:59,010
I'm a valued part of this team.
224
00:09:59,090 --> 00:10:00,770
Now, let's head to Macy's.
225
00:10:00,930 --> 00:10:04,650
I gotta try on an anniversary gift
for Shane's wife.
226
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:07,364
We're down by one, Duncan.
227
00:10:07,365 --> 00:10:10,510
- Got something to rile me up?
- [grunt] Kick!
228
00:10:10,530 --> 00:10:13,120
Ooh, ow!
What the hell was that?!
229
00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:15,940
[whistle blows]
230
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,200
You got anything else?
231
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:20,520
Oh yeah, I've been cooking up
something that's pretty clever.
232
00:10:20,540 --> 00:10:21,689
[grunts]
233
00:10:21,690 --> 00:10:23,670
Ooh, is that all you got?!
234
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,380
- Go for the ball!
- Huh huh.
235
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:30,030
Oh, no, no, no, wait!
236
00:10:30,050 --> 00:10:32,199
[yells]
237
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,050
Ow!
238
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,200
[all cheer]
239
00:10:35,290 --> 00:10:37,730
[groaning]
Good job!
240
00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:42,060
Oh Annie, thank God you're back!
241
00:10:42,210 --> 00:10:45,130
- I can't solve this thing!
- What's the case, Shane?
242
00:10:45,210 --> 00:10:47,900
I'm trying to write an
anniversary haiku for my wife!
243
00:10:47,970 --> 00:10:50,320
No problem! Okay.
244
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,080
Five, seven, five.
Here you go!
245
00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:58,170
You saved my marriage again!
246
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,330
What?
A woman can't be good at haiku?
247
00:11:00,490 --> 00:11:04,229
Heads up, everybody.
The Space Jammer is back!
248
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,660
He left this cryptic note
on my desk.
249
00:11:06,730 --> 00:11:08,069
Who's the Space Jammer?
250
00:11:08,070 --> 00:11:11,090
Does nobody at home listen
to my work stories?
251
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,680
The Space Jammer
is Oakdale's worst
252
00:11:13,830 --> 00:11:16,580
and only serial parking offender!
253
00:11:16,590 --> 00:11:18,670
He's tormented this department
for years
254
00:11:18,690 --> 00:11:23,430
- by creating traffic nightmares.
- Oh, whoa.
255
00:11:23,580 --> 00:11:25,860
You know, when the Jammer
first started striking,
256
00:11:25,940 --> 00:11:28,010
I had some theories
on who it could be,
257
00:11:28,030 --> 00:11:31,680
but I was new to the force and
too nervous to show you guys.
258
00:11:31,700 --> 00:11:34,200
That was a great instinct
to say nothing, Annie.
259
00:11:34,350 --> 00:11:36,600
Women's intuition at its finest.
260
00:11:36,610 --> 00:11:39,610
Yeah, this case is total
Pad Boys turf.
261
00:11:39,690 --> 00:11:41,430
But there is a way you can help.
262
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:42,769
[gasps hopefully]
263
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:44,440
Fill in for me
at my anniversary dinner
264
00:11:44,450 --> 00:11:46,685
- with my wife.
- Again?
265
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,112
But we've run out
of things to talk about.
266
00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:54,316
Okay, okay,
I'm starting to see it!
267
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:59,210
So, are you kids ready
for the big game?
268
00:11:59,230 --> 00:12:00,950
- [cheers]
- Mama!
269
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:04,230
As long as you keep
losing it, we can't lose!
270
00:12:04,380 --> 00:12:05,720
Proud of you, son.
271
00:12:05,730 --> 00:12:07,730
Couldn't have screamed
at those kids better myself.
272
00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:10,799
No, I'm not like you.
I'm motivating them.
273
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,060
Oh sure, it starts out
as motivation.
274
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:15,155
Next thing you know,
you're being dragged out
275
00:12:15,156 --> 00:12:17,230
of Applebee's for
throwing ribs on the floor.
276
00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:21,710
C'mon, son. Give in to
the full-blown Harris rage.
277
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,660
Light beer?!
You pansy!
278
00:12:26,740 --> 00:12:28,330
I'm not like you!
279
00:12:28,410 --> 00:12:32,149
I will never have Harris rage!
Never! Ahh!
280
00:12:32,150 --> 00:12:34,260
Jeez, Mr. H., whatchu think
this is, Applebee's?
281
00:12:34,340 --> 00:12:36,490
You know I have
to drag you out now, right?
282
00:12:36,510 --> 00:12:38,500
Of course.
283
00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,080
You're strong.
284
00:12:41,230 --> 00:12:43,400
[sighs]
285
00:12:43,550 --> 00:12:45,740
You haven't taken one bite
of food, Mom.
286
00:12:45,810 --> 00:12:48,129
And you haven't said anything
about how I look
287
00:12:48,130 --> 00:12:49,740
in the dress
you picked out for me.
288
00:12:49,890 --> 00:12:52,169
Huh?
Oh, I'm sorry, Sandra.
289
00:12:52,170 --> 00:12:55,250
You look radiant, and I'm sure
Shane would say the same.
290
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,080
I can't believe you still came.
291
00:12:57,230 --> 00:12:58,920
Don't you know
how messed up this is?
292
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:02,480
I know, but I can't ditch
Sandra on their anniversary.
293
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:06,223
- She would be devastated.
- You seem distracted, Annie.
294
00:13:06,258 --> 00:13:08,480
Normally, at our anniversary
dinners you're so attentive.
295
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,340
How many years have you guys
been doing this?
296
00:13:10,364 --> 00:13:11,364
- Eight.
- Eight.
297
00:13:11,630 --> 00:13:14,220
I knew being the wife
of a Pad Boy would be tough,
298
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,630
but I never thought I'd be
trapped in a dead-end marriage
299
00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:19,230
eating tortellini
with my husband's coworker.
300
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:21,390
And I'm tired of being
micro-aggressed.
301
00:13:21,410 --> 00:13:23,820
I should be on
that Space Jammer case.
302
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,979
Shane treats you both terribly,
and he's not even that hot.
303
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:29,160
You two need to take control
of your lives.
304
00:13:29,310 --> 00:13:31,830
Break the power structure.
Mom, you can solve that case.
305
00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:33,460
And Sandra,
you can find a better guy.
306
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,240
Look at you, you're radiant!
307
00:13:36,260 --> 00:13:38,380
You know, when your face
isn't buried in your phone,
308
00:13:38,404 --> 00:13:40,000
you're a pretty insightful
young woman.
309
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,100
Thanks, Mom.
And you and Sandra
310
00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:44,600
are two beautiful cautionary tales.
311
00:13:44,750 --> 00:13:47,360
You know what?
I'm gonna get the respect I deserve
312
00:13:47,384 --> 00:13:49,590
by bringing
the Space Jammer to justice!
313
00:13:49,610 --> 00:13:52,500
And I'm never dancing
on a desk again!
314
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,260
And I'm never dressing
Shane like a baby
315
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,339
and pretending
to breast-feed him again!
316
00:13:57,340 --> 00:13:59,180
[quickly] Okay, Kimberly.
You've inspired us.
317
00:13:59,204 --> 00:14:00,204
- Time to go.
- Oh.
318
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,620
Nice meeting you!
Sorry about your life!
319
00:14:02,770 --> 00:14:04,400
Okay, bye!
320
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:11,630
Okay, I pulled out my old file
on the Space Jammer.
321
00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:13,670
Oh, and we caught that rat!
322
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:18,950
Oh my God.
323
00:14:19,030 --> 00:14:21,140
These are clearly
the scrawls of a psycho.
324
00:14:21,210 --> 00:14:23,470
Oops, that's
Duncan's self-portrait.
325
00:14:23,550 --> 00:14:25,960
Because the Space Jammer
seems to know so much
326
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,199
about parking
enforcement protocols,
327
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,560
my theory was it had to be
a once-gruntled,
328
00:14:31,710 --> 00:14:33,650
now disgruntled, employee.
329
00:14:33,730 --> 00:14:37,380
Either that or... oh wait,
the rat ate my other theory.
330
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,640
[phone buzzes]
331
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:42,374
[gasps] He's never called me
directly before!
332
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,970
Riddle me something, Jammer.
333
00:14:46,050 --> 00:14:49,140
[distorted] I'm white and
black and go round and round.
334
00:14:49,290 --> 00:14:52,310
The green grass
is where I'm found.
335
00:14:52,390 --> 00:14:54,810
Oh, I wanna say it's
the panda at the zoo,
336
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,890
but I know that's not it!
337
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,130
- Is it?
- We're not getting it.
338
00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:00,539
Riddle us another one, Jammie.
339
00:15:00,540 --> 00:15:03,150
Okay, but this one isn't as good.
340
00:15:03,230 --> 00:15:06,660
What has 22 little legs,
orange slices,
341
00:15:06,810 --> 00:15:09,070
and a couple of goals?
342
00:15:09,220 --> 00:15:11,980
Oh! I wanna say it's
a giant centipede at the zoo,
343
00:15:12,060 --> 00:15:16,670
- but I know that's not it! Is it?
- Get off the zoo, Mom!
344
00:15:16,820 --> 00:15:18,480
[phone beeps]
He hung up.
345
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:22,550
Okay, we got legs, goals,
slices, black, white and grass.
346
00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:26,510
[gasps]
Soccer!
347
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:29,680
He's gonna strike at the
Oakdale Kids' Soccer Tournament.
348
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,590
It'll be packed with cars
and minivans.
349
00:15:31,670 --> 00:15:33,850
It's a Space Jammer's wet dream.
350
00:15:33,930 --> 00:15:35,861
Ewww! Mooom!
351
00:15:35,896 --> 00:15:38,600
And Jack, Duncan
and Jing are at the field!
352
00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:42,530
- This wet dream just got personal!
- Mom!!!
353
00:15:44,250 --> 00:15:47,010
[squeals]
[whistle blows]
354
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:51,200
Without your dad yelling,
I've lost my killer instinct.
355
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:53,930
Come on, Duncan!
Get him going!
356
00:15:53,950 --> 00:15:57,080
I'm trying! Oof!
357
00:15:58,100 --> 00:15:59,770
Uh!
I'm laying into your nuts!
358
00:15:59,790 --> 00:16:01,190
What's wrong with you?!
359
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:04,030
I'm not my father.
And I'm wearing a cup.
360
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:06,030
What happened to Mad Daddy?!
361
00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:08,370
Yeah, you promised
to treat us like crap.
362
00:16:08,390 --> 00:16:09,870
What's more important?
363
00:16:09,890 --> 00:16:12,540
Your father's sanity,
or winning a trophy?
364
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,120
We get trophies?!
365
00:16:14,130 --> 00:16:17,380
Aw, come on!
Make with the rage!
366
00:16:17,450 --> 00:16:18,900
Threaten us, Daddy!
367
00:16:19,050 --> 00:16:22,459
[all chanting]
Threaten us! Threaten us!
368
00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:25,220
I told you that's not
the kind of coach I am!
369
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:28,150
- Threat-en us! Threat-en us!
- Stop it, kids!
370
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:30,240
He's yelling.
Look at my foot!
371
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:31,410
It's kicking!
372
00:16:31,580 --> 00:16:34,240
Hey, my leg's goin'
all scungilli over here!
373
00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:39,490
- What the heck's going on?
- Children are like dogs.
374
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,420
We don't respond to words,
we respond to tone.
375
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:44,160
So I can scream at them,
376
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,590
but in my own loving,
supportive way?
377
00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:50,319
- Yeah, but just to be safe...
- Stop kicking me!
378
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,930
It's a kid's cup
and I've got some overflow!
379
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,930
[groans]
Okay, kids. Get ready for...
380
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:59,160
[screaming]
ENCOURAGEMENT!!!
381
00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:00,620
Okay, what are we
looking for, Mom?
382
00:17:00,660 --> 00:17:03,830
Somebody that looks crazy,
unhinged, psychotic.
383
00:17:03,850 --> 00:17:06,440
Got one!
Two clicks to your left.
384
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:10,610
You're a winner, Joey!
Save your dad's kneecaps!
385
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,509
[cheers]
Yes.
386
00:17:12,510 --> 00:17:16,010
Your father's a needy wreck,
not psychotic.
387
00:17:16,030 --> 00:17:17,940
There's only one minute
left in the game.
388
00:17:18,010 --> 00:17:21,020
If Jammer's gonna pull something,
it's gonna happen soon.
389
00:17:21,030 --> 00:17:23,940
Come on, show yourself,
you son of a bitch.
390
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:26,019
Mommy! I just scored!
391
00:17:26,020 --> 00:17:30,106
Oh, that's great, sweetie!
Who's my little superstar?!
392
00:17:31,540 --> 00:17:35,350
Where were we,
you son of a bitch?
393
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:41,050
You can be anything
you wanna be, Jing!
394
00:17:41,130 --> 00:17:44,560
You've got the heart
of a lion, Bradley!
395
00:17:44,710 --> 00:17:49,280
Henley, look at you working
those brittle vegan bones!
396
00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:52,800
[whistle blows]
397
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:55,730
We won! Trophies!
398
00:17:55,890 --> 00:17:57,900
[all cheer]
399
00:17:58,050 --> 00:18:01,153
Coach Daddy! Coach Daddy!
400
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,330
Winner, winner,
eggplant parm dinner.
401
00:18:04,490 --> 00:18:06,090
[laughs]
402
00:18:10,580 --> 00:18:14,180
I'm gonna bathe in you tonight.
I love being small.
403
00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:17,250
Everything's moving normally.
Guess I was wrong.
404
00:18:17,410 --> 00:18:19,830
Maybe it is the zoo.
Is it?
405
00:18:19,850 --> 00:18:23,870
- No!
- Huh. Everyone's suddenly stopped,
406
00:18:23,905 --> 00:18:25,100
but I don't smell
a charred body.
407
00:18:25,250 --> 00:18:27,079
Let's see if this does anything.
408
00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:30,820
[honking]
Well, I'm out of ideas.
409
00:18:31,510 --> 00:18:34,680
[cars honking]
410
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,350
[gasp] It's happening!
411
00:18:36,370 --> 00:18:39,260
The Space Jammer has struck
for the eighth year in a row.
412
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,930
Ugh, we're trapped.
It's a dead end.
413
00:18:41,950 --> 00:18:43,260
Cool, a boob!
414
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,430
Aw, wait,
there's a baby on it.
415
00:18:45,450 --> 00:18:48,269
- Food boob.
- It's called breastfeeding.
416
00:18:48,270 --> 00:18:50,290
Ugh!
You make everything boring.
417
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:52,609
[helicopter roaring]
418
00:18:52,610 --> 00:18:55,780
- Mom, the Pad Boys are here!
- What do you see, Shane?
419
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,130
The traffic's all folding
in on itself.
420
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,300
I might be hungry,
but it looks like tortellini.
421
00:19:00,450 --> 00:19:04,470
[gasps] Tortellini...
Eight years... dead end...
422
00:19:04,550 --> 00:19:06,900
tortellini...
breastfeeding...
423
00:19:06,970 --> 00:19:08,898
Me want food boob.
424
00:19:08,933 --> 00:19:11,810
The Space Jammer's not a he,
it's a she!
425
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:17,570
- A radiant, unhappily married she!
- Sandra's the Space Jammer?
426
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,969
And she's doing
computer bomb stuff!
427
00:19:21,970 --> 00:19:24,830
[gasps]
428
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,330
Sandra, don't do it!
429
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:36,003
- You're too late, Annie!
- Noooo!
430
00:19:42,510 --> 00:19:46,210
Whoa. Annie, how are you
gonna break it to my parents?
431
00:19:46,290 --> 00:19:48,250
You did the right thing
dumping Shane,
432
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,420
but you did the wrong thing
messing with parking.
433
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,780
I'm afraid you're looking
at community service
434
00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:55,090
for at least
the next two Saturdays.
435
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:59,476
Never!
Happy anniversary, baby!
436
00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:04,180
Okay, bye!
[yells]
437
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,960
Oh my God, I have a nemesis!
438
00:20:07,030 --> 00:20:09,438
And what a kiss!
439
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:13,000
That's right, losers, my mom
solved the crime you couldn't.
440
00:20:13,020 --> 00:20:15,670
And she doesn't need
your validation to be happy.
441
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,280
Wait, let's see
what they have to say.
442
00:20:17,430 --> 00:20:22,679
- I mean, we're here.
- Annie, how'd you like to be a Pad Boy?
443
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,290
I've waited so long to hear
those words, Gutter,
444
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,190
but you know what?
I'll take it.
445
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,850
But you have terms, right, Mom?
446
00:20:29,870 --> 00:20:33,520
Hell yeah, I do.
What are they, Kimberly?
447
00:20:33,530 --> 00:20:36,530
Arrange your own doughnuts,
buy your own gifts,
448
00:20:36,550 --> 00:20:38,950
and she only dances when
she damn well feels like it.
449
00:20:38,970 --> 00:20:42,050
You know what, Kimberly?
I'm feeling like it.
450
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,640
Come on, empowerment dance!
451
00:20:46,130 --> 00:20:50,970
[both vocalizing]
Respect!
452
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,040
Michelle Obama!
453
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:57,295
Come on, you dumb baby!
Move your head!
454
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:05,240
Sorry we accused you
of using witchcraft for evil.
455
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,240
Yeah, turns out
the water retention
456
00:21:07,390 --> 00:21:10,229
was from me eating a whole
mess of salty pork rinds.
457
00:21:10,230 --> 00:21:13,420
- I love you guys.
- Aw, Kimberly...
458
00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:18,990
Kimberly!
You forgot to recant
459
00:21:19,010 --> 00:21:20,900
your hair-strangling spell!
460
00:21:20,910 --> 00:21:22,590
[all choking]
461
00:21:22,670 --> 00:21:26,020
Oh, yeah! But first, let's take
a quick vote for high priestess.
462
00:21:26,100 --> 00:21:28,020
Who votes for me?
463
00:21:28,170 --> 00:21:30,338
Unanimous!
464
00:21:32,681 --> 00:21:35,537
sync & correction by f1nc0
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