Original subtitles

Give me a joint. Come on, give me a joint, man.

Go, go! Go!

Okay, Walter, Hubert says it's time for some shine.

Come on, Walter, I got to talk to you.

We know where you're going!

No, you don't!

Man, am I blasted!

- How are you? - Good, man.

You know, I was just talking to Meredith about death.

- She's kind of hot for your bod. - Are you jiving me?

No, I'm not.

As a matter of fact, she's in that convertible right over there, right now, waiting for you.

Yeah, she said she wanted to give you a hand.

But listen, I'll try to tell you what. Meredith is kind of modest.

So you're going to have to wear this, okay?

But don't worry about being a fool or anything because she's wearing one, too.

Thanks, Bob.

No problem. Go get them, slugger.

He went for it!

Is this Christie? I can't believe it. Look who's here!

You look adorable this evening.

Have fun.

Oh, no, this isn't Kate. I don't believe it!

You aren't fat anymore. Good for you!

- You recognize any of these people? - No. Who are you?

- I'm Carl, man, your best friend. - Oh, Carl! What's happening?

You got it all.

I knew we had a lot of bozos in this class.

But so many?

So far, we're still the prettiest ones here.

- Meredith! - Bunny!

I'm so excited! You said you weren't coming.

I came from a TV commercial for UnderBuns Sanifresh All-Cotton Pale Pantyhose.

Would I miss all this?

- Yeah, I remember you. - But do you recognize any of these people?

No.

We go to high school with them.

Yeah, but that was 10 years ago.

But where have we been since then?

I don't know.

Time goes by fast when you're having fun.

- Where have you been? - I don't know.

- I'll see you inside. - Wait! Your name tag.

What am I talking about? Everybody knows you.

Bye.

She's a fun person, isn't she?

Let's look her up in the yearbook.

I was so pretty, wasn't I?

Hello, darling. So, what do you think of our little shindig?

Gala, just gala.

Why do you always have to be so negative?

Who is being negative? It is a run-down old gym filled with a bunch of weirdo-es.

You yourself said the high school had to be closed down...

because your oddball class scandalized the community.

Yeah, but that was 10 years ago. People change.

Hey, Big Bob, how's it hanging?

How's it going, Big Bob?

- Can't complain, Hubert. And you? - Couldn't be better.

Hey, you still get a lot of ass?

You always were a suave and soigne guy, Hubert.

Hey, this your main squeeze, Big Bob?

I'm sorry. Hubert, this is my good friend, Jane Washburn.

- Jane, darling, this is Hubert Downs. - Pleased to meet you, Jane.

You got nice big jugs.

We have to run along now, Hubert.

Me, too, guy. I got to go get shitfaced.

- He is absolutely gross. - Take it as a compliment.

- Is everybody here? - Well, I guess everyone who's anyone.

Let's party.

Wait a minute. Hi.

Mary Beth, Bunny, it's me, Gary Nash.

May I help you?

I'm Gary Nash.

I was in this class. Bunny, I graduated with you. Remember?

No.

Mary Beth, I think we better check the yearbook on this one.

Well, I got an invitation in the mail.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Barry. - Gary.

Forgive me.

Mary Beth, you want to get Jerry here a name tag?

- But there aren't any name tags left. - Oh, darn.

Well, I've got an idea.

We'll just improvise a name tag, huh?

Isn't that awful? We just ran out. Isn't that the way it always is?

Listen, have a super time.

- Thank you. - You're bad!

You should've seen me in our convention in New York.

Come on, let's go get wild.

- Well, who have we here? - Oh, Bobby.

Let's go to first base.

Oh, my God, look at you. You look terrific.

Well, lacrosse. Right for the old breadbox.

Excuse me. Darling, you forgot to introduce us.

- Oh, yeah. - I am Jane. You must be the old flame.

- How do you do? - Robert and I are engaged.

It's been announced.

It's not really official. We haven't ordered the tent yet.

Darling, the thank-you notes for our bed and bath shower are already in the mail.

Tell me.

How does it feel to see yourself on TV wearing only inexpensive pantyhose?

- Well, I watch TV so seldom that I... - Hi.

Bartender, could I have one of those pink and pretty things?

You can, lady.

Delores Salk, is that you?

Didn't you used to be crippled?

- My disease went away. - Well, God bless Jerry Lewis.

Jerry Lewis had nothing to do with it. I sold my soul to the devil.

Good for you.

Of course, I'm still not feeling a 100%.

I get these terrible attacks.

Well, probably not enough fiber in your diet.

- Let me light that for you. - Thank you.

It's been super seeing you again...

and I'm so glad you got rid of those awful leg braces.

They were so unattractive.

Ciao!

God, I hate that bitch!

Who does she think she is?

- Hi, Bunny. - I think it's going rather well, don't you?

Wait till you see the program that Bob and I have planned.

My God!

- Oh, my God! - Here, let me help.

I had one of these at Club Med once. It just infuriates me!

Let me help.

- What a mess! - I think I'll have one of those.

Whatever happened to us?

I don't know, but it's happening again.

- What are we going to do? - Everything.

Hey, you don't got no Jell-O.

The State says you got to have Jell-O.

I'm so happy you asked me to come out of retirement to be here this evening.

Well, we were so happy you were available.

May I give you some of this?

I'm so sorry, forgive me. I had no idea.

- Have some salad. It's delicious. - Give me some food.

Iris, be careful. Let me take your tray. No, Iris, watch it.

Pardon?

Let me have it. I'll do it. Have some of my special spaghetti with liver sauce.

And some sweet and sour creamed corn.

My own recipe.

You'll have to speak up.

My hearing aid's having fits. It keeps going in and out and in and out.

Are you having a good time?

No, they passed away two years ago.

- I'm sorry to hear that. - Nice meeting you again.

- Come on, Sampson. - Bon appétit, honey.

Hi, honey. Careful of my hair.

I have a new friend.

Fritz Shears, this is my husband, Jeff.

- Hi. - How do you do?

I don't believe we've met.

I'm Mrs. Shears.

Then you know Fritz.

Only too well.

Fritz sells insurance.

Isn't it fascinating? Excuse me, Fritz is analyzing our needs.

- I'm wringing wet. - Where?

Honey, Fritz thinks we're under-protected.

Now, let's see here: Home, auto, and...

- life. - Life.

Take care of it, honey.

Excuse me.

Did you say something?

Excuse me.

Did you send a naked picture of yourself into a men's magazine?

- You saw it? - I ate it.

What? The food's ready. Oh, goody! Come on, honey, let's go.

Come on, you two.

You kids look like you haven't had a good cafeteria meal in years.

No chicken for me, please.

Hey, Mrs. T., this food looks almost good enough to eat.

- Find me a phone, will you? - You got it.

I don't believe this. Milt!

Little Miltie Friedman.

- It's like a time machine. - Yeah.

- I can't believe it. - I know, it's 10 years.

You look so different. I didn't recognize you.

I don't recognize you.

I'm Gary Nash. Come on, we were best friends.

We were?

- Blood brothers since the second grade. - Here you go.

- Blood brothers? - Yeah, you...

Operator? I want to make a collect call.

You remember that time in high school, Patsy McClap...

What?

If you need help finding a number that isn't in your phone book...

please stay on the line.

And if you're looking for a phone that works, go the principal's office.

- This is a recording. - It was in high school...

- Oh, great. - What?

Where's the principal's office?

Right where it's always been. Down the foyer to the right.

Great. Thanks...

- Gary. - Gary, great. Thanks.

What can I possibly say about tonight's entertainment...

except that it was my idea.

Ladies and gentlemen, the king of rock 'n' roll, Chuck Berry!

Hello, Operator?

Damn phone company. I'd have more luck with two cans and a string.

Here's your string, Milt!

We didn't get to do the Funky Chicken. That's where I really get down.

- That dancing really makes me hungry. - Tell me about it.

Remember what they used to say in Bible school about rock 'n' roll.

I feel so guilty.

It's my favorite song.

Aren't you supposed to be setting up the slide show?

Mary Beth was just starting to go for me.

- — Get up there. - Somebody broke my foot.

It's two for a dollar. Give me a dollar, I'll give you my car.

Hit it!

Good evening.

Wonderful! Bob, are you ready for our little trip down memory lane?

With a co-host that's as lovely as Ms. Bunny Packard...

our charming name tag chairperson, you bet I am!

You wanna take a trip to Bozoland?

On with the show!

Let's begin with a picture of our lovely homecoming queen.

We all remember...

- Who is that? - God, I wish I knew.

Mr. Smarty Pants, I could just shake you, mister!

You're really a dork! Now put up the next slide.

The class of '72...

distinguished itself in the area of public service...

with our super-successful blood drive.

Headed for four years by a graduate...

of Lizzie Borden High's night school vocational training program...

a very dedicated guy...

Egon Von Stoker.

We're still grateful for that, Egon.

Glory comes to Borden High in many different packages.

Right on, Bun.

- It's great to see you again. - But as packages go...

there's nothing square about these two guys.

Carl Clapton and Chip Hendrix...

who were cited for the experimental farm they set up...

behind the football bleachers.

Super!

- Here's another one. - That freaks me out.

All right, you guYS-

I had to have help on this one.

What boy in our class never took gym and why?

- It was Chris Beckerman. - Right.

But why didn't he take gym?

Today Chris is the mother of three living in Spokane, Washington.

Isn't that fun?

And now, here is Iris Augen...

winner of the Lightweight Club Junior Marksmanship Award.

Super!

Isn't Iris' outfit just fabulous, Bob?

- Yeah. - I bet she picked it out herself.

Where's mY dog?

Isn't that fun?

Sampson!

And remember Ziggy Klein who set the school underwater...

- Way to go! - Bravo!

Excuse me.

Can you tell me who's in charge here?

The guy up there on the podium.

- Bob Spinnaker. - Thank you.

Here's our very own projectionist, Hubert Downs...

on the occasion of his third anniversary as a sophomore.

In search of talent, Borden High has more...

Do you mind?

- Get the show going on. - We got a show here, get out of the way.

Sorry, Bun.

This is outrageous.

Let's get back to the fun.

- Don't you realize you're interrupting? - I realize that.

Who the hell are you?

You are Robert Spinnaker. Former class president.

As a matter of fact, that is right. Four years running.

Present day yacht salesman.

More of a yacht broker, really.

- Why? Are you in the market? - No.

In terms of talent, Borden High certainly had more than its fair share.

Who could ever forget...

Milt Friedman's magic at the Senior Talent Fair? Remember that?

Milt, are you here? Stand up, Milt, come on.

What's going on here?

Somebody turn on the light!

All right, please, I can explain all this!

I am Dr. Robert Young...

from the hospital for the criminally insane.

Somebody do something! The reunion's bombing!

Holy smoke, it's locked!

What's happening? All the doors have been locked!

We know a way out!

Dope!

Me and Carl will get real high and escape...

and save everyone.

Maybe.

I know CPR.

What's this all about?

It's all about...

mental illness, Mr. Spinnaker.

I'm here concerning a former classmate of yours. You may remember him.

Walter Baylor.

Squirrelly little dude.

He was institutionalized shortly after graduating from here.

He committed a heinous crime against his parents...

with an upright vacuum cleaner.

That crime...

was related to an incident that occurred at your senior class party.

- An incident that all of you were involved in. - Yeah, but...

we were young and crazy.

Besides we were just having a good time, weren't we?

Things may have gotten a little out of hand...

but we were drunk, weren't we, Hubert?

Besides, it was just a joke!

It's too late for apologies and explanations, Mr. Spinnaker.

The damage is done.

It's time to pipe the payer.

Do you know who that girl was?

Yeah, she was some tramp y girl from Catholic school.

- Do you know who that girl was? - I just told you.

That girl...

was Walter Baylor's twin sister!

- Oh, shit! - Mr. Spinnaker...

- are you a religious man? - Certainly not. Episcopalian.

So am I.

Mr. Spinnaker...

Bob...

do you value your life?

Are you kidding?

I love my life!

Whether we live or die is up to all of us right now.

From this moment on.

So let's get to work.

We need some volunteers to find our way out of here.

Come on! Where's your old school spirit?

Can't you just smell the tension?

- Great, there's a volunteer. - Good.

That's our two group leaders.

Wait a minute!

I can't just abandon my leadership position. These people are counting on me.

You're wasting time.

All right, but I'm not going alone.

My father didn't spend all that money to keep me out of Vietnam...

- — just so I could die in my old high school! - Any more volunteers?

Are you crazy? You're a girl and you'll twist your ankles!

- Count me in. - I'll go.

Me, too.

Anybody else want to go wander around dark lonely hallways?

- I do. - Me, too.

All right, who else is man enough to volunteer?

- Me. - Good girl, Delores.

- Now, who else? - Where we going?

- I don't know. - Don't be bashful.

Bob, before I volunteer, I just wanna make sure that...

would the women feel safer if I stayed behind to protect them?

All right!

All volunteers to the foyer.

Here, Sam!

All right.

I want this group to head upstairs and search out...

all open windows and doors.

And remember...

Walter Baylor is a dangerous man.

- I'll remember. - I'm telling you...

there aren't any open windows.

Now this group, I want you to go in the opposite direction.

I want you to try to break out. In the meantime...

I'll try to find Walter Baylor before...

- Before? - You know.

I don't want panic. Honey, move your buns.

Make that secure.

I don't want anybody getting in here.

I have something to tell you.

I shall do my utmost to protect your safety.

He must be carrying a gun.

My virility is my only weapon.

We are in deep you-know-what.

No. I can't die!

I haven't been to Europe yet.

I haven't seen a Broadway play.

I have six more pounds to lose!

I have a beauty parlor appointment on Monday!

Mary Beth, you'll get mascara all over your dress.

I can't handle this!

Yes, you can.

What should I do?

You just stay here, and if you see anybody, then you yell.

What should I do?

- You just do the same thing as Carl. - What's he doing?

I've already explained this a couple of times. You gotta stay with me.

This is very serious business. We could all die.

- Oh, shit! - That's tonnage.

You didn't say nothing about death.

Okay. Now, both of you, Chip...

Carl, you stay here, wait here.

- Don't move. You stay right here, okay? - Right.

If you see anybody, you yell.

You yell loud. You go, "Gary!"

Just like that.

Only louder.

Not now, wait till you see someone.

You guys are gonna work it out. I know.

I'm proud of you guys.

- You got it. - No problem.

What was that guy's name again?

- I don't know. - Me, too.

But lift the book and fire this joint, man.

I don't like it when he yells at us.

He wasn't yelling at me, he was yelling at you.

- He was looking at you. - Well, he was yelling at you.

Use me!

Alone at last.

Be tender, be passionate!

Be gentle, be romantic.

Be quiet.

Do something, you two. Don't you realize there is a killer on the loose?

Give me this.

- Thank you. - You got it.

What did she say?

I think she said this is some killer stuff we're smoking.

I like her.

- She's nice. - She's got nice legs.

I don't see why I couldn't have sat up front. I do have my own firm and...

What are you doing?

What is that supposed to mean? Oh, my God, stop breathing on me.

I think we ought to go back and die with the others.

- I think we ought to die here. - Stop yakking!

My God! Be grateful we're safe.

I have a kind of fun idea.

Why don't we sing a song?

I don't wanna sing a song.

They're really great for troubled times. So come on, what do you say?

Mary Beth, I know this is gonna make you feel better and...

- Jane, I bet you've got a great voice. - Come on, let's do it.

Who's there?

Mrs. Tabazooski?

Walter's here!

Come on, everybody!

Remember when we wore these in the high school play?

Remember when we made love Hawaiian style?

Jeff, I have no lust left in me.

That's okay, because I've got enough left for the whole school!

You better run!

What Carl Jung was trying to say...

is that trapped inside of each of us, there is a woman...

that comes out when we fuck up real bad.

You mean, there's a woman trapped inside of me?

A black woman or a white woman?

A Jewish woman.

I don't know.

You mean, when I fuck up as a man, the woman inside comes out?

Look, now do you understand what I'm talking about?

No.

Man, have you ever thought of me as a woman?

No, but I have thought of you as a farm animal.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm pulling into a gas station.

I haven't taken a dump in four days.

Do you actually eat with that mouth?

Listen, we go back...

we'll tell them that we checked every dorm window and they were all locked.

They'll never know we tried only two.

Do you really think they'll buy that?

- Yeah. - So ignorant, they probably will.

Those are my friends you're talking about.

Any asshole in a pair of Calvins could be your friend.

Let me tell you a thing or two, Miss Delores Salk.

I wasn't the one this class voted "Most Likely To Betray Her Country."

- Feminist. - Weirdo.

Virgin.

- Who told you that? - Everybody.

Can't you stop this senseless bickering?

Go get bent!

If you tell that to anybody, I'll get my lawyer involved!

Where are you?

Where's my cane?

- Did you scream? - No, man.

Let's go get some food.

- I'm hungry. - Me, too.

This is an emergency. I gotta have something to eat.

Rabbit food.

I don't want that.

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.

Why don't we find some real food, like some roast beef?

Dig in.

How about some roasted old lady?

- Holy shit! - Holy shit!

440.

Meredith's old locker.

Unburied treasure.

What chance have I got?

Oh, well, souvenir.

I remember this sweater.

Ten years, it still smells sexy.

I know you're busy in the gym.

How about a couple of quick steps around the hallway?

Oh, yes, Gary.

Hold me.

Take my arm.

That's perfect. Do you want me to lead?

I'll lead.

Don't be nervous. I know it's our first dance.

I feel so safe with you.

Just hang onto me, baby.

- I will. - Here we go.

- Is it heaven for you? - Dreamland.

You dance so well, I feel like I'm floating.

- Are you ready to fly? - Oh, yes.

Kind of fancy, huh?

Here's a move my father made on my mother.

I love it when you spin me.

I'm dizzy. Don't stop.

- Hubert Downs. - You recognized me.

Hubert, I haven't felt you in years.

- How have you been? - Not half bad. You?

- You'll have to speak up. - How have you been?

I didn't vote Republican, either.

Iris, listen.

Since you're on another planet, in terms of speech and sight...

I'm gonna try to read your mind...

and you try to read mine.

Okay? That's right.

Concentrate real hard.

That's good. I'm gonna concentrate hard, too.

Let me have it! Come here.

Hubert, not here.

- Not here. - Where then?

- In the woodshop? - Great. When?

- In 10 minutes. - Cross your heart and swear to die?

Cross my heart and swear to die.

The woodshop in 10 minutes. I'm gonna go to the john. I'll be right back.

I appreciate the compliment.

A pretty set of bongos is a pretty set of bongos.

I bet he's hung better than my gynecologist.

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

It's been one year since my last confession.

Father, I have on occasion used foul language.

I have lied. Not just little white lies...

but great big sinful ones.

I shoplift all the time, Father.

- Darling... - And I'm an exhibitionist, Father.

I like to expose myself to strangers.

Especially authority figures.

I hold the neighborhood record...

for most repairmen satisfied in a single afternoon.

I own an enormous collection of vibrators, Father.

I have them in all assorted sizes. I have one that's in the shape of a crucifix.

My God, it's gorgeous.

I put pictures up on the wall of all kinds of things.

I listen to Barry Manilow, and over and over again...

I think of priests and nuns in that movie, The Exorcist... How did it go?

Huben?

I am all ready.

- Hubert? - No, it's Gary.

- Gary? - You remember Gary Nash?

Your pimples are all gone.

I always liked you, Gary.

I always liked you, too, Iris, but we have to be very quiet now.

I wish I could, but I have a previous engagement with Hubert.

Well, that's okay. Why don't we get these buckets off first?

Here we go. Upsy-daisy!

Do you suppose maybe I have time for one dance?

Maybe Hubert will be late.

Maybe Hubert won't get here at all.

Is this a slow dance or a fast dance? I can't hear the beat.

I'll get the dress, you get the panties.

No, Iris, keep your clothes on, please!

- Stay quiet. - Don't think twice about it.

I'm over 21 and I have my own apartment.

We have to get back to the gym. I've gotta get the tools.

Rules at a time like this?

There are no rules.

Not "rules." "Tools " Iris ..

Tools. That's kinky.

I'll get the tools and I'll be right back, all right?

We forgot all about Hubert.

- We have to find Hubert. - Well, we're going to find him now.

- Who the hell cares if we find him or not? - My God, can't you be quiet?

It's my personal safety we're talking about.

What the hell are you doing?

You're jeopardizing the safety of the group.

I, for one, am not going to die so that you can take a nice leisurely...

evacuation.

Listen, Superman.

Are you gonna keep an eye out for the forces of evil while I go tidy up?

- I feel ugly. - No problem, Bun.

Me, too.

Argumentative ninnies.

Excuse me!

How gross!

There, there, Bunny.

Poor, ignorant bastard.

Should I cremate him?

No!

What happened to him?

Seems as though Walter Baylor has struck again.

At least he died in the girls' convenience and not on the battlefield somewhere.

You know, you're really terribly attractive when you're frightened, Bunny.

So are you.

I see London, I see France, I see Bunny's underpants.

Where am I?

I should have left a trail of bread crumbs.

Hello!

No.

Right, how are we supposed to get through all this?

Why don't we go into a classroom and break through the wall?

Where do you come up with this stuff?

TV.

- Actually, it sounds quite reasonable. — Come on!

Is it reasonable to go creeping around in dark classrooms?

Dark hallways are bad enough!

Bob, what's the difference?

Right again.

Well, at least the door's unlocked.

After you, Lumpy.

How did you do that?

All right, Hubert, let's get to it.

Let's see you break through the wall or something.

I'm injured.

Do you realize I've injured myself?

Bunny, watch out!

Hubert, grow up!

- What are we supposed to do now? - Bunny, watch this.

Biology Lab straight ahead.

- Thank you, Delores. - Yeah.

- Can you do that out your ass? - You wish.

This guy ought to be in a mental institution.

Your travail does not diminish your beauty.

The only way you're going to touch me is if I'm dead.

I'll be back.

I don't know what's worse: This reunion or my marriage.

You know, I've decided that the only thing that I like about my life...

is my wardrobe.

- I thought you had a wonderful marriage. - I lied.

This is a reunion.

Actually, my husband ran off two years ago with a male model.

You need some milk and cookies. Excuse me.

Your travail does not diminish your beauty.

I'm engaged. It's been announced.

- Congratulations. - Thank you. Excuse me.

Have a nice day.

Your travail does not diminish your beauty.

This old travail? I've had it for years.

Your very presence fills my tuxedo with joy.

I feel as if I've known you for a thousand years!

That's something. I hardly remember you from high school.

Would you like to dance?

But there's no music.

We'll dance to the music of our passion.

I want you.

I can't. It's that time of month.

Oh, my'

Jeff. Cindy.

This is crazy.

We're trapped like rats in here, I tell you.

It's absolutely unbearable.

Bigger, bigger.

Will you stop that?

I've had it. Be quiet.

Hubert has his hand where it shouldn't be. Please remove it, Hubert.

Bunny, it's not my hand.

Bob, will you do something?

Hubert, whatever it is, move it.

Okay, Big Bob, you got it.

- Not there. - Over here.

Hi, there.

Did you find him?

No luck. How about you?

Hubert saw him.

Yeah, I think he dented my brains.

This is not working out. Walter Baylor is no fool.

Wait a minute. I've got an idea.

Let's go back to the gym.

We've got to counteract his psychiatric psychopathia...

with some elementary psychology.

Great. Yeah, elementary psych.

I took that at Yale.

How nice.

All right. 0-69.

All right, next number.

I-24.

Thank you, darling.

G-59.

Bingo!

Just a minute, we have to verify the card, please.

We don't have a winner unless we verify the card.

It's okay, folks. B-12.

Right. 1-17.

N-35.

Open up, it's us.

Somebody open that door.

- — Open up! - It's all right. It's our classmates.

Come on, let's help them!

Come on, put your backs into it.

What on earth took you so long? We could have been murdered...

or mutilated, or stabbed to death...

Thank God you're all right.

Tell me it's over and we can all go home.

Were any of the good people hurt?

Not so far as we know. Except Hubert, who got some more brain damage.

What are we going to do?

I'm a yacht salesman, not a Green Beret.

What's going to happen to us?

Look, on the upside...

we're all still alive.

Of course, on the downside, we're all probably going to die.

Delores, are you all right?

Don't you want a Valium?

Delores, I'm trying to help out here. Now, what seems to be the problem?

You know, actually...

you could use a little lip gloss.

And, I hope you don't mind, a little dental floss.

And I'd love to see you in short hair. What do you think?

Now, come on. Nothing that drastic. Maybe a cucumber facial, they're marvelous.

I'd love to arch these eyebrows, clean up some of the strays here.

I'd love to try a henna rinse on you.

Because, face it, you got good bone structure but you're not a pretty girl.

I'm free!

Meredith.

Walter Baylor told me on a number of occasions...

that you were the girl he thought he was going to diddle at the senior class party.

Is that true?

Doctor, it was all clone behind my back.

I never even did that act with guys I liked for fear of overdeveloping my forearms.

Right you are, ma'am.

I'm afraid I have to give it to you straight.

You're the one he wants to kill.

- But I've always been so popular. - I think you're missing the point.

If I could use you...

to lure Walter Baylor out of his hideout...

Use me as bait?

No, I can't let you do that.

That means the rest of you could remain here safe and sound.

- Sounds feasible. - It's the only chance we've got.

Okay, I'll do it.

Bob, stay here. Keep everybody calm.

- We're free! Hey, everybody! - It's what's-his-name with the tools.

Everybody! Hi.

Where are the tools? You marshmallow. You jellyfish.

- No, you don't understand. - I understand.

Where have you been, cowering in some corner?

Protecting your own worthless hide? You disgust me.

No, wait. I found the tools. I opened the doors.

Excuse me?

The doors are open. Come on, we're free.

Way to go. Nice work.

Everybody, I got the doors open! Let's go!

No, wait!

Wait a minute!

Why are you running? What about Walter?

- So? - Iris.

- What about him? - Where's Dr. Young?

I've been looking everywhere for you.

Where's Meredith? Where is she?

She's with Dr. Young. Don't sweat it.

What's she doing with him?

Who are you, her dad? She's fine.

Maybe somebody should go tell them we got the door open.

Since Jerry here is so concerned, why doesn't he go do it?

Think you can handle it, fellow?

There's something wrong. It doesn't make sense.

- Are you scared? - No.

Don't worry about a thing.

I know Walter Baylor intimately.

Really?

Didn't you know he was going to kill Milt?

- Yes. - Then why didn't you try to stop him?

I couldn't find a parking spot.

- It's really gross down here. - It certainly is.

For a minute, I thought you were...

Walter Baylor?

YES.

I am Walter Baylor.

Oh, my God.

Why didn't I realize this? It's Dr. Young! He's Walter!

Don't you see? It's not his face.

Okey-dokey. Another Borden alum heads for the loony bin.

Do you think that Meredith is all right?

Probably not.

Someone's gotta do something.

Here.

- Are you gonna make me throw up? - I want you to wear it.

Just like you were gonna wear it for me 10 years ago, remember?

And then?

That's okay.

It's not gonna be fun for you.

It's gonna be rough, painful.

I like it rough and painful. I live in New York.

When I'm clone, I'm gonna kill you. Now get undressed!

Are you crazy?

Have you all fallen out of your respective trees?

That idiot's got you believing him.

Bunny, please, tell me you don't go along with this.

Bob, you're a disgrace to the Class of '72.

I second that.

Robert, I am ashamed.

Could you help me?

Please.

They say that sex gets better as the partners learn what each other enjoys.

Will you shut up and get naked?

Do you have a hanger?

Oh, no. Now we got company.

Take it off.

Okay. Now don't move.

I'll be right back.

Gary.

Walter!

I got him!

Hit him!

No!

I think he's dead.

Oh, my'

I think these are yours.

Thank you.

Gary, you saved my life.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Hopefully, that's the last we'll see of Walter Baylor.

Now I am really mad!

I'm pretty modest, but it's okay.

I know you're the kind of guy who wouldn't peek.

Ten years ago, if someone told me I would be getting dressed in an elevator with you...

I would have thought they were crazy.

Don't get me wrong.

It's just kind of funny.

- How do I look? - Great.

There's just never a dull moment here at Borden. Hi, Walter.

There.

No!

Follow me.

Get back or the girl gets it!

I'm warning you!

You make one move and she gets a hole where she doesn't need one.

Walter, can we see her naked before you kill her?

Walter, let her go.

I feel sure that you haven't got any problems...

that can't be worked out.

Let me handle this.

Listen, you're making a big deal out of nothing.

You're not unique, you know?

Everybody in the class had sex with your sister.

Shut up!

I think we'd better do what he says.

You're still looking for trouble, Baylor?

Listen!

How about we all sing the Borden Loyalty Song?

I didn't sing that fucking song in school...

and I ain't singing it for you, fuzz nuts!

- Sing! - I don't remember the words.

No problem.

Borden High we'll always love.

Come on, sing!

Now, you listen to me, Walter.

We're not gonna take this anymore.

We're serious.

What you see standing here is a class united.

Brothers and sisters...

bound together by a mutual love and respect.

You can kill one of us, you can kill 10 of us.

But, Walter, you can't kill all of us.

Your terrorism has galvanized our spirit into a collective will.

It's no use, Walter. We're a family!

His truth is marching on.

Nice job!

Super job.

Let me out of here!

Let's get him!

Maybe he's in one of these old classrooms.

No, Bob, he's not in there.

- I think he went this way. - Right behind you.

Let me out of here!

You're all nuts. Revenge sucks!

Excuse me.

I hope you realize you're in the ladies' room.

Peace. Keep back!

You let me out of here!

Bob, what happened?

I just threw the lily-livered weenie through the wall.

Quick, let's find him before the cops get here and take all the credit.

- Through the wall? - Yeah.

He went into the gym. Come on.

Let's go, quickly.

Hurry UP'

Walter, are you all right?

Not really.

That probably isn't a very good place to be if you're not feeling well.

You could fall.

What's it to you? You'd probably all get a big kick out of it.

No.

Walter, listen to me.

You are up there because of a foolish prank pulled on you 10 years ago.

I think I speak for the entire class...

with the possible exception of the people you killed tonight, when I say...

we're sorry.

We're sorry.

Walter, if you come on down...

I promise that if we're ever in the shower together again...

I won't snap your nuts with my towel.

- Take it easy, Walter. - Come on.

Walter, I think your ride is here.

Do you wanna dance?

I appreciate the invitation...

but I think I'm gonna stay right up here, thank you.

- I'm the one who's at fault here. - What?

I'm not perfect.

I know you all thought I was, and so did I.

I've seen tonight that I have flaws.

No.

Not physical flaws, God knows...

but flaws nonetheless.

I've hurt you deeply.

I'd like to apologize...

from the bottom of my heart.

Bob Spinnaker?

Did you say you were sorry?

Hey, man, are you going to the class reunion?

When is it?

- I think it's tonight. - Let's go home.

I wonder what could have happened to Jeff and Cindy.

I don't know.

But I do know that you're an enormously attractive woman.

Iris, how would you like to marry me?

Hubert, you mean it?

Sure, we'll settle down, have a couple of kids.

- One like you and one like me. - Perfect!

Of course I'm sincere about eternal life.

I can go to the beauty parlor three times a week...

- from now till the end of time. - Only evenings.

You should consider going into public relations, Delores.

You would be marvelous.

Why? So I can be some tight-ass, phony bitch like you?

Right.

- You know, I like it. Let's have lunch. - Good.

Were you really serious about Meredith?

She was obviously taken with me, what could I do?

I'm sorry I revealed what a coward you are.

That's all right, darling. I'll forgive anything for the sake of old money.

Meredith, would you... I mean, could you...

- Gary, are you asking me to marry you? - Yeah.

Yes, I'd love to be Mrs. Gary.

Nash. Gary Nash.

What a great bunch of kids!

Everybody, let's do the Walter!