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1
00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:07,336
HOMER:
What? Cheap, lousy...
2
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:08,941
Ah, there.
3
00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:11,013
♪ ♪
4
00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:17,783
(sleepy piano melody playing)
5
00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:19,845
♪ ♪
6
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,955
MOE:
Springfield-- the city sleeps.
7
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:26,788
But a storm is brewingover the home of...
8
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:30,364
CHORUS:
♪ The Simpsons. ♪
9
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,004
MOE: Interesting fact:the singers that sang that song
10
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,070
are all dead.
11
00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:35,228
Enjoy the show.
12
00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,136
HOMER (over speakerphone):
Hello, family!
13
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:41,711
I'm 20 minutes away.
14
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,139
Can I bring anyone a...?
15
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,414
Mmm, pork chop.
16
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:46,913
(tires screeching)
17
00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:50,624
HOMER: Flanders,
you need a new mailbox!
18
00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:54,553
(groans)
19
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,085
(tires screech)
20
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,260
(Homer humming)
21
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:03,402
Are these from
the gas station?
22
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,057
Uh, Marge, please.
23
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:08,166
They're from a supermarket
that sells gas.
24
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,169
(sniffing):
Were you at Moe's?
25
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:13,441
Yeah, celebrating
St. Patrick's Day.
26
00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:15,211
(in brogue):
Ah, the Blarney Stone,
27
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:18,379
Angela's Ashes,
centuries of troubles.
28
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,449
It's not St. Patrick's Day.
29
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,778
Well, on the real day,
the price of green hats
30
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:24,053
goes through the roof.
31
00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:26,251
I thought you'd be happy
I was saving money.
32
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,523
Cheap hats?
You ruined Sunday dinner
33
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:29,892
for cheap hats?!
34
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:32,560
That's not...
You know, forget it.
35
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,690
That's it?
Yeah, that's it.
36
00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:37,456
Thanks for the flowers.
37
00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:39,595
I'm sure they were nice,
but they're wilting now.
38
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,930
(sighs)
39
00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:43,035
Honey, when you were
talking about those flowers,
40
00:01:43,037 --> 00:01:45,437
was it a metaphor for anything?
41
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:46,869
Was it?
42
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:49,174
Honey? Metaphor?
43
00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:52,608
So I thought she'd
be furious, but nothing.
44
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,713
She was as aloof
as Steve Martin.
45
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:55,945
(both gasp)
46
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:59,320
Ahoy-hoy.
This is Sector 7G, where...
47
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,950
where, uh...
What does go on here?
48
00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:03,556
Mostly we decide
which of us should be
49
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:05,087
on the lookout for you.
50
00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:07,292
Which was supposed
to be you, Lenny.
51
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,564
(à la birdcall):
Coo-coo-coo...
52
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:10,662
Yes, well,
this is Nigel,
53
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,404
an old boarding school chum,
54
00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:15,429
and, uh, this Piccadilly
Circus walkup is his wife.
55
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:17,066
(Cockney accent):
I have to go, luv.
56
00:02:17,071 --> 00:02:19,441
I've got to pick up
a lip tint at the chemist's.
57
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:23,580
Farewell, darling.
You take the sun with you.
58
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:28,012
(chuckles):
You never told me about her.
59
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:30,915
Well, you never
told me about
60
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,578
your handsome
young man.
61
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,246
Who, Smithers?
(chuckles)
62
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:35,645
He just works here.
63
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,516
Smithers, I see
you're one of those
64
00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,825
truly devoted people
who make one forget
65
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,087
love is an illusion.
66
00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:44,426
Eh, I'm just a man
who enjoys his job.
67
00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:46,271
Uh, time for your pill, sir.
68
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:50,365
(grunting)
69
00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:53,165
(Burns grunting)
70
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:57,876
Did you swallow the cheese
and not the pill?
71
00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,008
Nuh-uh.
72
00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:00,753
Show me.
73
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:02,709
(swallows)
74
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,216
That's a good boss.
75
00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:05,718
Such devotion.
76
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,119
My wife is in love
with her tennis coach,
77
00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:10,162
(rolling "R"):
Rolando.
78
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,117
Well, I believe in true love.
79
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:13,786
Like the first time
I saw profit.
80
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,294
(chuckles)
A day doesn't go by
81
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:16,796
that I don't think
of that ledger.
82
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,497
(sighs)
83
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,069
Hey, Homie.
84
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,797
That's our cue.
85
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:25,243
Lenny, when you say
"That's our cue,"
86
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:26,709
then you're supposed
to leave.
87
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,507
Dear God, so many times
88
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,839
I must have looked
like a complete ass.
89
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:33,154
Homer, this is the
part of the marriage
90
00:03:33,147 --> 00:03:35,207
where the needle
is on "E,"
91
00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:38,546
but we still have
a little more gas.
92
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,892
The brink of doom,
where I do my best work.
93
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,689
And I want to break
out of our rut,
94
00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:45,821
so I brought us
a nice lunch.
95
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:49,356
Oh, honey, you've given me
a big appetite.
96
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:50,833
For what?
97
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,561
HOMER: Careful, Homer,she's expecting
98
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,566
a non-food answer.
99
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,698
For...you?
Oh...
100
00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,035
Well, I have to admit,
101
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,909
that was suggested by the nose.
102
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,078
(nasally):
Finally, some credit.
103
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:04,507
Mmm...
104
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:07,181
Wait, I want to know that
you're really gonna change.
105
00:04:07,181 --> 00:04:10,221
Marge, I get it.
I truly get it.
106
00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:13,447
And to prove it,
I'm eating a carrot.
107
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:16,464
Oh...
108
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:17,757
Mmm.
109
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,726
Sir, do you need help
with that tea bag?
110
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:23,128
No, I can talk
to Nigel by myself.
111
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:27,125
Nigel, you were wrong
about the Crimean War,
112
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,574
and you're wrong now.
113
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,439
Love can endure.
114
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:33,207
Oh, I could dissolve
that union as easily
115
00:04:33,207 --> 00:04:36,137
as the tea dissolves
this sugar.
116
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,913
Smithers, did you see him
heft that sugar cube?
117
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:39,281
Did I.
118
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,050
Monty, I can
break up that couple,
119
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:43,918
and I'd wager five million
on it.
120
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:45,747
Dollars or pounds?
Pounds.
121
00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:48,223
Sterling or flesh?
Sterling, this time.
122
00:04:48,222 --> 00:04:50,722
Oh, that money is
as good as mine.
123
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,494
Look at them spooning.
124
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:53,493
(giggles)
125
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:56,164
(both munching)
126
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:57,563
(whistle blows)
127
00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:58,734
Hmm.
128
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,572
(humming happily)
129
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,897
Excuse me there, Simpson.
130
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,343
May I buy you
a drink?
131
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,238
Thanks, Alfred,
but my marriage is
132
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:09,110
in a very unusual
condition-- good--
133
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,009
and I want to get home.
Now, now.
134
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,511
I'm an old friend
of your boss',
135
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:14,283
and if you turn me down,
136
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,181
it will not go
down favorably.
137
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,253
Will it go down unfavorably?
138
00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:20,292
Mm, it may.
(shrieks)
139
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:22,187
Very well, then.
(phone chimes)
140
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,419
(Homer groans)
141
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,824
No texting your wife.
142
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,886
I'll just tell her I'm
drinking with an English guy.
143
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,368
(phone chimes)
144
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:34,867
What does that mean?
145
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,398
He'd better just be
around the corner.
146
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:42,843
(disco music playing)
147
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,452
Oh.
148
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:51,722
♪ ♪
149
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:55,787
Oh!
150
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,189
And everyone left
the hot tub
151
00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:01,662
except for Ringo,
Princess Margaret, and me.
152
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,462
Yeah, uh, listen,
Dr. Doolittle,
153
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:07,904
I like hearing you talk,
but I got to get home.
154
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,071
So, been married long?
155
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,340
Knocked her up
right after high school.
156
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:15,339
I can't listen to that story
without getting weepy.
157
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:17,582
Hey, hey, that's my
talking bar rag!
158
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,678
Let go of that!
159
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,510
You doing all right
there, Raggy?
160
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:24,116
Yeah, that's good.
161
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,322
So, Homer, the only woman
162
00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:29,151
you've ever been with
is your wife.
163
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,886
How shall I put this?
You thumped one melon
164
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,892
and left the store satisfied.
165
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,334
If you knew anything
about me, you would know
166
00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:39,830
I would never, ever shop
in the produce section.
167
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,933
Homer, have you ever thought
there might have been
168
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:46,265
other melons-- bigger,
smaller, more exciting?
169
00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:49,413
Oh, the women I could have had.
170
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,780
You drew me in fifth grade,
171
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:54,009
and I've never
gotten over you.
172
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:57,724
I like a man who
pours me on everything.
173
00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:59,118
(shuddering):
Oh...
174
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:03,189
I think it's time I went home
to my wife.
175
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,628
(shrieks)
176
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:10,057
I fear my seed landed
on barren soil.
177
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:12,603
Oh, yeah, he's crazy
about that Midge.
178
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:15,599
Eh, she's got it all.
Hair that goes on forever...
179
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,642
Moe, I always
wondered something.
180
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:19,698
Who are you talking about
when you say "Midge"?
181
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,106
Why, Marge, of course.
182
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,208
What the...
(grunts)
183
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,979
Wait'll Midge
hears about this!
184
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:28,077
Hmm, this might be worked
from another angle.
185
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:31,481
So, Moe, you find
Homer's wife attractive?
186
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:33,445
Yeah. She barely
knows I exist.
187
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,654
Which is the only thing
I got going for me.
188
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,816
Well, how would you like me
to set you up
189
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:39,985
in a more elegant
establishment?
190
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,563
More elegant than this?
191
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,455
Aah!
192
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:46,604
This may just be the bonk on
the head talking, but sure.
193
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,570
Oh.
194
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:48,428
(tires screech)
195
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,335
(worried groaning)
196
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,497
Marge, I know I'm late,
197
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:54,266
but I'm really sorry.
198
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:57,984
"Sorry" and
"Congratulations, Graduate."
199
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,338
They had a
two-for-one sale.
200
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,276
Now, I'm late because...
Don't bother.
201
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:02,851
But there's a really good...
It's too late.
202
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,150
But you're... You're
gonna laugh when you...
No.
203
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,622
I just have to accept that
you're never going to change.
204
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:10,161
No, no, don't give up.
I've changed before.
205
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,857
I lost my hair
and got fat.
206
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:13,119
Good night.
207
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,856
Oh, good night.
208
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:18,632
(Homer snoring)
209
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,932
(sobbing)
210
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:27,041
♪ ♪
211
00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:37,222
(crying)
212
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,392
(yawning)
213
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,847
How was your night?
The usual.
214
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:51,699
(worried grunting)
So, it's Saturday morning.
215
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,028
What do you want
to do today?
216
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,903
Nothing.
Hey, Homer,
217
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,642
I got an extra ticket
for the ball game.
218
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:57,797
Box seats.
219
00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:58,674
He'll take it.
220
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:00,172
Marge, no.
221
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,073
Flanders ruins baseball.
222
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,035
He adds the word "Lord"
to the end of
223
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,184
"Take Me Out
to the Ball Game."
224
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:09,209
FLANDERS: ♪ Take me outto the ball game, Lord ♪
225
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:12,376
♪ Take me outwith the crowd, Lord ♪
226
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:13,986
BOYS:
♪ Buy us some water ♪
227
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,987
♪ And that's just fine ♪
228
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,819
♪ All I drink iscommunion wine ♪
229
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:22,225
♪ For it's pray, pray, prayto our Jesus ♪
230
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:25,529
(Homer groans)
♪ If we don't win,it's His will ♪
231
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:29,172
♪ 'Cause He's one, two,three Gods in one ♪
232
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:32,039
♪ At the baseball church ♪
233
00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,199
♪ We're at church. ♪
234
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,266
D'oh.
235
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:35,674
Hi, hon, I'm near Moe's,
236
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,036
but I can come right home.
237
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:39,284
I haven't even put
a coin in the meter.
238
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:42,549
Just what I needed
to hear.
239
00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:44,219
Oh... Oh, damn it.
240
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,147
(gasps)
241
00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:50,961
Aw, maybe now I can
finish my novel.
242
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:53,528
I just wish I hadn't
left it in there.
243
00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,265
Yeah, well, don't worry,
you still got old Moe.
244
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,927
Moe 2.0.
It's a whole new me.
245
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,966
I even bought one
of those new gizmos
246
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:07,572
that everyone's using.
247
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:09,374
Why'd you close
the bar?
248
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:12,076
Well, I've been set up
in a high-end establishment
249
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:13,809
by a well-heeled backer.
250
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:16,154
Really, you should see
the heels on this guy.
251
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,819
MoHo House?
252
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:21,118
Yes, MoHo House, the vaguely
British, invitation-only club
253
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,661
that celebritieswho don't want publicity
254
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,457
can be sure to be seen at.
255
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:28,029
I'm going there now.Don't tell anyone.
256
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,462
Tonight is the grand opening
for the town's hottest
257
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,765
new destination,
run by the man most in demand
258
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:37,097
for Springfield's
haunted houses, Moe Szyslak.
259
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:38,574
(growling)
260
00:10:38,572 --> 00:10:39,902
Oh, sorry,
force of habit.
261
00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:41,136
(chuckles)
How you doing?
262
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,311
Good to see you,
Mr. Mayor.
263
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,439
Bumblebee Man, ¿cómo está?
264
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,084
Hey, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
265
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:49,579
No can do, Mr. "Movie Star."
266
00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:50,953
Your last picture...
(chuckles)
267
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,181
was a bomb.
268
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,345
The trailer gave away too much,
269
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,324
like, uh, the fact
that it was terrible.
270
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,793
I deserve a good time.
271
00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,321
I can have a good time.
272
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,056
The heck with Homer.
273
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,433
Thanks for the lift, Homer.
274
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:05,831
(tires screech)
275
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,272
(groans)
276
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:10,597
I really don't think you're
taking this seriously enough.
277
00:11:10,604 --> 00:11:12,374
(chuckles)
278
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,871
BURNS:
What are you up to, Nigel?
279
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:18,136
Oh, just stacking the deck
in my favor,
280
00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:20,205
as sporting men are wont to do.
281
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,113
A posh club,
beautiful single men and women,
282
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:27,516
irresistible temptations
to my unsuspecting quarry.
283
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:30,391
(scoffs) Good luck
breaking them apart.
284
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,790
See you.
Hmm.
285
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,322
(gasps, shudders)
286
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,956
HOMER:
I can have fun by myself.
287
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:36,701
Would you care
to spill a drink on me
288
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,857
and use it as an excuse
to meet me?
289
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,295
Can I eat the cherry first?
290
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,970
Don't take too long.
291
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:44,038
I might;
I asked for extra cherries.
292
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,067
(whispering loudly):
They don't charge
for extra cherries.
293
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:51,084
Monty, what say we make
this wager something meaningful?
294
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,138
Like what?
295
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,075
How about my
entire fortune
296
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,011
against your
boy Friday?
297
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:57,016
(gasps)
298
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,677
Smithers?
299
00:11:58,685 --> 00:11:59,815
(grunting)
300
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,920
Oh.
(groans)
301
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:04,062
Well, I can't possibly
lose. You're on.
302
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,657
Mr. Burns, you can't use me
as a gambling chip.
303
00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:08,530
Check your contract.
304
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:10,428
(sighs)
I'll be darned.
305
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,330
It also says I'm permitted
to mold your hair
306
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,172
into whimsical shapes.
307
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,227
Smithers want
a cracker?
308
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,365
(groans)
Got to get a better lawyer.
309
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:20,000
Ooh, those fingers.
310
00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,206
(chattering)
311
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,938
The chimp yes,
the clown no.
312
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:24,243
Don't tell me,
313
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,114
it's because I'm Jewish.
314
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,213
No, it's 'cause
you're a has-been
315
00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:28,584
nobody likes,
all right?
316
00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:30,582
Please tell me
it's because I'm Jewish.
317
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:31,884
(cries)
318
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:32,945
Moe, good
to see you.
319
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,693
Oh, good to
see you, Midge.
320
00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:36,958
Boy, who knew you'd look so
great in a strapless dress?
321
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,187
Well, thank you.
322
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:41,561
Methinks I see my opportunity.
323
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:43,431
Why are you
telling me?
324
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,260
I always considered
us friends.
325
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:48,874
So, let--
uh, what's your name there?
326
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,199
Brant-- Brant here
pour something for you.
327
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:54,044
We got loads of microbrew
with crazy names,
328
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:57,640
like, uh, Hops-along Cassidy
and Michelob.
329
00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:59,714
So, uh, where's Homer?
330
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:01,713
We're not spending as
much time together.
331
00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:03,615
MOE:
Whoa, this night,when I opened up
332
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:07,217
a fabulous new bar,just got interesting.
333
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,490
(soft jazz music plays)
334
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,188
Hey, Stogie, how about
a little "Moonglow"?
335
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:12,664
Not the real moon.
336
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,459
Oh, you mean
the drug.
337
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:15,761
No, the song.
338
00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:18,262
("Moonglow" playing)
339
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:22,395
"Moonglow,"
that's my favorite song.
340
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:25,002
Yeah, you came into
my bar seven years ago
341
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,765
and you played it
on the jukebox.
342
00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:29,113
I remember things like that.
343
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:30,939
So, you want to dance?
344
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:34,384
I actually do it a lot, but,
uh, nobody sees behind the bar.
345
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:40,080
I guess one dance
couldn't hurt.
346
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,923
So, can you
start Monday?
347
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,785
Oh, you won't break up
the Simpsons.
348
00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:50,663
I'm not used to getting my arms
all the way around someone.
349
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:53,774
Oh, God, I can't work for a man
I'm not in love with.
350
00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:55,897
I've got to fix this now.
351
00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,604
Simpson, you need to patch
things up with your wife now.
352
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,866
We're fine.
Excuse me, bartender?
353
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:04,675
I ordered three dozen wings
and I only count 35.
354
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,138
Listen to me,
355
00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:07,676
this was gonna be a birthday
present for my mother,
356
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,651
but I want you
to give it to Marge.
357
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,279
Okay, what's the gag?
358
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,824
You have to reconcile
with your wife.
359
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,820
Mm, there's always a catch.
360
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:19,022
I've seen a whole different side
of you tonight, Moe.
361
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,685
MOE:
Whoa, she's waving me home
362
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,185
like a third-base coach.
363
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,996
But could I reallydo that to Homer?
364
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,828
Damn it, I need timeto think here.
365
00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:29,533
Sorry, this is great, but I got
to go stick plastic ribbons
366
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:30,866
onto toothpicks.
367
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:32,101
That don't just happen.
368
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:37,640
If Moe can change,
why can't my husband?
369
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:41,584
Well, um, seems to me the reason
your husband won't change
370
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,721
is 'cause he knows he's got
a great thing with you.
371
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,317
If he suddenly treated
you different,
372
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:46,888
that should worry you.
373
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:48,417
I mean, duh, I guess.
374
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:50,051
You know? Duh?
375
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,656
Hey, Marge.
Homie!
376
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:52,988
I got you something.
377
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,657
(sobbing)
378
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:56,932
What the...?
379
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,330
That's not from you.
380
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:02,072
Can't you at least open it
so I can find out what it is?
381
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,674
Marge, I got
the best gift
382
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,435
I ever got you
in my life.
383
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:11,743
Huh?
384
00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:13,745
(groans)
Okay,
385
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:17,117
that's not great.
And why, if you were
trying to be close,
386
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,677
would you spend the whole
evening away from me?
387
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:22,686
Hey, you've taken me off
the market since I was 18,
388
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,789
which I immediately
regret saying.
389
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,461
Look, I'm on my knees.
390
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,189
Why aren't you forgiving me?
391
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,962
I'll follow you.
392
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:33,255
Ow, hairbrush.
393
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,096
Ow, alphabet blocks.
394
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,230
Ow, dog toy!
395
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,065
(murmuring):
Wasn't even a card for me.
396
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:40,200
(Homer grunting)
397
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:42,906
I hope you kids haven't lost
any respect for your old man.
398
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:45,239
Uh, can't lose
what you don't have.
399
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,105
Thanks, boy.
400
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:50,249
HOMER:
Ow! Oh!
401
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,850
(thunder crashes)
402
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,719
♪ ♪
(sighs)
403
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:56,421
Something wrong,
boss man?
404
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:58,623
When you finally get a shot
at what you always wanted,
405
00:15:58,625 --> 00:15:59,955
do you really want it?
406
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,330
Frankly, that's
a white person problem.
407
00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:04,299
Wow, I never had
one of those before.
408
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,797
Hey, what you playing there?
409
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:08,829
Oh, just a little something
I've been messing around with
410
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:12,765
that may or may not be
a commentary on your situation.
411
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:15,812
♪ ♪
412
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:18,609
♪ It was hopeless and new ♪
413
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,811
♪ New from the start ♪
414
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,814
♪ Her hair was blue ♪
415
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:26,316
♪ As blueas my heart ♪
416
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,619
♪ Her husband was fat ♪
417
00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:31,991
♪ And not very smart ♪
418
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:35,932
♪ So I'm writing this songto tell you it's wrong ♪
419
00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:39,659
♪ To love ♪
420
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:45,366
♪ An elephant's wife ♪
421
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,412
♪ It's wrong, baby. ♪
422
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:52,180
(squawks)
423
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,678
Homer don't treat her right.
424
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:54,950
She should be loved.
425
00:16:54,948 --> 00:16:57,378
Loved like Barney loves my bar.
426
00:16:57,384 --> 00:17:00,724
He's thinking of me, I know it.
427
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,250
This is going in my new novel.
428
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:07,025
My mind's made up.
429
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,487
There's only one thing I can do.
430
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:12,096
(phone chiming)
431
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,998
Whoa, that's a
conflicted look.
432
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:20,304
Are you a cashier
or a psychiatrist?
433
00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:23,006
(sighs) I was
a psychiatrist.
434
00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:26,639
Then I lost my license for
prescribing too few meds.
435
00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:39,420
You came. I wasn't
sure you would.
436
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:42,086
♪ He wasn't sure you would ♪
437
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:43,925
Let's go somewhere
more private.
438
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:48,400
♪ There's cameras everywhere. ♪
439
00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:51,202
I needed to see you.
440
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,604
(thunder crashes)
441
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,505
You're supposed to
be my friend, Moe!
442
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,007
How could you meet my
wife behind my back?
443
00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:59,340
I did it because
I'm your friend, Homer.
444
00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:01,345
And that's why
I invited you here.
445
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,877
To tell you that if you
don't treat this woman right,
446
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,223
someone's gonna
take her away.
447
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,918
Now, it won't be me,
448
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,720
but you don't leave the lid
off a pickle jar like her.
449
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:11,022
Right, Midge?
450
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:12,564
First of all,
it's Marge.
451
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,129
No, I know, I-I don't know
what my deal is with that.
452
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,958
But you're right
about everything else.
453
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:18,733
Marge, I treasure you.
454
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:22,301
And to prove it, here's
something I drew last night.
455
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:27,106
♪ Why do birds ♪
456
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:30,977
♪ Suddenly appear ♪
457
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:32,907
♪ Every time ♪
458
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:35,552
♪ You are near? ♪
459
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,649
♪ Just like me ♪
460
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:41,821
♪ They long to be. ♪
461
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:44,321
Okay, we haven't achieved
all our dreams,
462
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:47,064
but the day I met you,
I had them.
463
00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:48,390
I love you.
464
00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:50,064
I love you, too.
465
00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:51,903
Mmm.
Mmm.
466
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,658
Maybe some day
I'll find happiness,
467
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,066
but not today.
468
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:58,302
Ugh.
469
00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,974
Mm-mm-mm.
470
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:02,407
A very
touching scene.
471
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,675
Pleasure doing
business with you.
472
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,810
Uh, sir, who are
you talking to?
473
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,076
Why, Nigel here.
474
00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:14,785
Sir, you're imagining
people again.
475
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:17,357
Well, then who gave
me this check?
476
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,917
That's a coupon
for free frozen yogurt.
477
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,326
Bah!
478
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:27,170
Where is he going, and why is
my check torn to shreds?
479
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,527
You don't have to pay him,
he'll be fine.
480
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,996
Use me in a wager,
will he?
481
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,635
Mmm!
Mmm.
482
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,740
♪ ♪
483
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:45,815
Wait a minute,
this place was just built.
484
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:47,148
♪ ♪
485
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:51,723
♪ It must havebeen MoHo ♪
486
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:56,534
♪ For Homerand Marge ♪
487
00:19:56,529 --> 00:20:00,729
♪ They got backtheir mojo ♪
488
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:05,143
♪ And now they'reliving large ♪
489
00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:08,408
♪ Still I hear you saying ♪
490
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:13,206
♪ What happens to Moe? ♪
491
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:19,647
♪ He'll go backto his hellhole ♪
492
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:24,162
♪ That's the endingof the show ♪
493
00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:26,217
♪ Except for the tag. ♪
494
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,027
Okay, sir,
we've revised my contract,
495
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,672
so you can no longer
proffer me in a wager,
496
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,197
throw me in a volcano,
497
00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:37,672
use me as a chew toy
for your tiger...
498
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,600
(chuckles) Sabu will
be disappointed.
499
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:41,236
...use me as a human
Christmas ornament,
500
00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:43,171
or jack-o'-lantern, lit.
501
00:20:43,176 --> 00:20:45,736
But I still agree to be
mummified with you if you pass.
502
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,135
Excellent.
503
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,116
Mm, it's good to be back.
504
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:54,448
♪ ♪
505
00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:34,058
Shh!
506
00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:39,033
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
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