Original subtitles

Oh, baby, what I couldn't do, ooh

With plenty of money and you, ooh

In spite of the worry that money brings

Just a little filthy lucre buys a lot of things

And I could take you to places you'd like to go

But outside of that I've no use for dough

It's the root of all evil

Of strife and upheaval

But I'm certain, honey

That life could be sunny

- With plenty of money - May I help you?

I'm looking for a box of chocolates.

Something fancy, if you have it.

- Is it a gift? - Yeah.

I want something fancy and not too rich,

because she tends to put on a little blubber, the wife.

- Uh-huh. - On the thighs.

What about this one? It's kinda rich.

- It's from Belgium. - Er, from Belgium?

- It's very pretty. - Yeah.

Hey, Frenchy, I'm home!

(Woman) Who's that?

Who do ya... It's the Pope! I wanted to see your apartment.

- Who comes home every night?! - I'm watching Princess Diana.

Again? How many times you gonna do that?

Look at those clothes.

I told you time and again, she got all that stuff discount.

What... You think those kings and queens buy retail?

It's a known... Hey, here, I got you some chocolates.

Chocolates?

You heard of chocolates? I got you chocolates.

- How come? - Whaddya mean?

They're from Belgium, handmade by Belgiumites.

Tell it to the Marines. You get caught hitting on a waitress?

Hey, in 25 years of marriage have I ever hit on anybody but you?

Hmm, well, I don't buy it, Ray. You got a scheme.

OK, forget it. Get me dinner. They're not for you!

- OK. - I got you nothin'.

Just get my dinner, right now. And hurry up.

Before you make dinner, I gotta talk to you.

What did I tell you? Here comes the commercial.

Frenchy, I need our $6,000.

- What?! - I gotta have our six G's.

- That's our savings. - Don't get dramatic about it.

Ray, that's all we got, right?

I got a brilliant idea. I'll make us rich.

How? You gonna rob a bank?

How'd you know that? That's fantastic.

- What? - First shot, you got it.

Is that why Tommy Beale's coming over, and Denny?

What if I told you you were married to a very brilliant man?

I'd say I'd have to be a bigamist.

This is foolproof - foolproof!

You said you were finished with that.

I was, but I've been kicked from stupid little job to job.

- You like the way we live? - It beats your old residence.

You think I like looking at you through glass talking over a phone?

Frenchy, you stood...you stood by me!

- Yeah... - Granted, you stood by me.

Two years I waited, and what did I get?

You got Belgian chocolates! What's wrong with that?

God, I got an idea, this is so incredible, but I need money.

We need seed money for this, we need 18,000 bucks.

(Gasps)

Denny and Tommy kick six and I gotta put in my six.

- How can those bums get that? - They didn't go to Harvard but...

They were drafted before they finished kindergarten!

You're such a snob, Frenchy!

Denny's not stupid because he drives a truck!

No, he's stupid because he has a low IQ.

- I'd like to flatten you once. - Oh, yeah...

Tommy's got street smarts.

Yeah, his brain's got potholes.

(Buzzer)

She's got an answer for everything.

Forget it! I'm not spending our last bucks!

I got my end! I said I could.

Well, he can't get his end.

Frenchy, I gotta have that money.

Yeah, maybe if you needed a quadruple bypass.

- This is brilliant! - No, Ray is a genius.

Compared to you, this chair is a genius.

No, this is the plan of a great mind.

I can't believe you're just a dishwasher.

Thank you.

I don't get your agreeance, I count to three...

You can count to 53, I did a lot of nails for that money.

That's all you wanna do? Nails?

- Take a hike, OK? - Frenchy, I-I'm countin'...

- Oh, yeah? - If I lose it, you're gone.

I'm quaking.

(Buzzer)

- You're embarrassing me! - How did you get a cookie?

- One cookie? - Hey, guys!

- Got your share? - Share of what?

- Yeah, I sold some stuff. - What?

- A rented car. - He can't get his.

- What are you tellin' him? - The candy didn't work, then?

Will you shut up?!

All that's missing from him is some velvet and a pet mouse.

Frenchy, gimme the money.

I wouldn't invest it on a legit idea,

much less something that'll land you back in stir.

You said you call the shots.

For God... Will you knock it off? Jesus...

- Frenchy, that money's mine. - It's MINE, I earned it.

- But I'm your husband... - Take a hike.

Frenchy, I... I'm gonna get violent.

Oh, yeah? With your hernia?

Fellas, I can't do it, it's over. Forget it.

But you said you're the boss.

Stop telling me what I said!

Frenchy, it's over.

Let the bank lay there, let someone else do it.

I-I gotta get some air on the roof.

Don't jump, you're too valuable as a dishwasher!

Knock it off!

Can I have another cookie?

(Frenchy) No!

(Distant police siren)

(Sighs)

All right, tell me your idea.

I told you my idea. You shot it down.

You gonna tell me or have a tantrum?

You know, for some reason you're always shooting down my dreams.

Because your dreams are like the ones people get

from putting opium in brownies.

Can I just tell you this?

You're not a bank robber. Your two-year vacation proved it.

Not as a stick-up man, that's all.

When I hit that bank that time, we were inexperienced,

the whole group of us all put on Ronald Reagan masks

so it was confusing, I didn't know who was who.

You're lucky your lawyer knew the judge!

Can I tell you my idea?!

(Ray) 'A few weeks ago, a couple of doors down from the bank,

'a pizza joint there folded and it's for rent, Frenchy.'

And then it hits me, and believe me, I'm no genius...

Yeah, you don't have to sell me.

..but I figure we tunnel under, take the pizza joint,

we come up under the bank vault.

I know the layout cos I used to know a guard - I got diagrams.

We clean out the vault, we go to Florida.

Ray, we're poor but we're happy.

No, you're always complaining.

Are you happy doing cuticles? Is that what you want?

Mother said never get involved with a guy from the rackets.

Frenchy, what's wrong? We had dreams.

What's gotten into you? Did...did we not have dreams?

When we met, yes, granted, I was in rackets.

I was running numbers, you were an exotic dancer,

your parents didn't approve.

I tried to go legit, OK?

- I know. - What do you want me to do?

'B-but this pizza place is just waiting for us.'

Ray, it's gonna look suspicious,

a group of guys drilling in an empty store.

No, that's where you come in, you front it.

- What? - You front it, you make pizzas.

I can't cook pizzas!

So cook cookies! What's the difference?!

Tell fortunes, you look like a gypsy, make it a travel agency.

You work there and we tunnel under into the bank.

- God... - Frenchy, come here.

- You see how beautiful this is? - Yeah.

What you see, it's not just New Jersey.

When we first met there was a sunset just like this, very...

- Remember? - Mm-hm. Yeah.

But in Columbia there was an earthquake!

Sorry, the location was taken by someone else.

What?!

Yesterday. I told you, if you waited too long...

Who did? Wh-who took the place?

Can you give me...? You got the name?

Mrs Neddy Goldberg.

Oh, Jesus. For what?

I believe a flower shop.

A flower shop?

(Sighs)

It's a little old lady,

her husband just died and she wants to start a flower shop.

Somebody's got to get to her.

- Get to her what? - Beg her, con her.

I'll go to her shop and threaten her.

- No, you can't. - Don't do that.

I gotta talk to her.

And say what? If her husband just died, you need a plan.

I don't know. I'll charm her.

What are you gonna use for charm, Ray?

Knock it off.

Some master plan, you lost the lease.

I'll get it, that's what this is about.

You're gonna rob a bank and some little old lady has it first.

Very funny, what...you...you...

(Mumbles)

I'll slam your head off.

- Hey! - Jesus.

The bank isn't even next to the pizza joint.

I told you that before! That's what's great...

- What? - There's nothing suspicious.

The only thing suspicious is your sanity.

And when did you guys ever dig a tunnel?

It's no big deal.

You underestimate Ray's personality.

He's the most likeable dishwasher I ever met.

Don't pay any attention to her, we're gonna proceed.

- Uh... - Yeah?

I'm looking for Neddy Goldberg.

Who wants her?

Uh, I got something for her.

I wanna make her a big offer. Big dough. BIG dough.

Come in.

(Locks door)

I'm Neddy Goldberg.

I know you...

You're...you're Benny, from cell block eight!

- Oh...oh, God, Ray! - Ray!

- Ray! How are you? - You look like I'm a stranger!

I'm sorry, come on in.

- It's a small world. - You leased that empty store?

Yeah, I'm gonna open a flower shop.

- What you gonna do with that? - Burn it down.

You're still burning stuff down for insurance?

That's how I sent two kids through college.

There's no money in that!

That's... You... Benny, you gotta come in with us.

- Who's us? - What?

Why are you so suspicious? It's me, Ray...

Remember my nickname in the joint?

- The Brain? - The Brain.

That's what they called me.

But Ray, that was sarcastic.

No, that was real.

- No, it was sarcastic. - There was nothing sarcastic!

- No, it was. - Benny, it was real.

- I was... - It was sarcastic.

- It wasn't sarcastic... - Oh, God. Oh, God!

- I was The Brain! - It was sarcastic!

Fellas, this is Benny. He's in.

- Benny? Looks like a cop to me. - How you doin'?

You know you're workin' with a genius?

We're all smart, but he wears glasses.

Yeah.

W-what's good? Pine, right?

Oak, redwood. Redwood is what woodpeckers peck on.

It's supposed to be the strongest.

- Good trees, right? - Yeah.

- This looks good. - Whoa, look how long it is.

We could build a house.

- We're just building a tunnel. - Whoa.

- Or, like, a house. - Yeah.

(Ray) How much is that?

- 1,000 bucks. - 1,000 bucks a box? Jesus!

- How many sticks in a box? - 50.

My God, this is...this is robbery. This is unbelievable.

What do we need this dynamite for?

What? Just be careful...

I don't like the colour...

Ohh, phew!

Can I have one of these?

Uh, OK.

- One of these? - Mm-hm.

- OK, you want a bag? - No, that's OK.

I haven't got a bag. You'll take 'em like this?

(Ray) It's a lot of work,

but when it's over we're all gonna be well compensated.

Who's gonna work the drill?

- What do you mean? - I don't know how to.

There's nothing to that.

Whoever's working it, I tell ya, it's gonna make a lot of noise.

No, no, hey, what do you think this is?

We wrap this blanket around it, it's fine.

No, no, you gotta know how to work that.

(Tommy) Whoa! Shut it off!

(Shouting and drilling)

Guys, shut up! What did you do?!

- We ain't started yet. - What are you waitin' for,

the drilling season?

Do me a favour, go upstairs and bake, will ya?

You know, I-I don't need any help.

(Denny) Got it? (Ray) You better brace me.

You said you were fine! What are you doing?!

Get that thing! Get that thing!

- Got it?! - Yeah, I got it!

I can't hold it!

(All shouting and screaming)

I'm gettin' out of here! I can hear somebody in the store!

Could we have half a dozen of the chocolate cinnamon?

We're closed. For Easter.

That was three months ago.

- Greek Easter. - That was two months ago.

Chinese Easter!

I'd like a cookie for my daughter.

- Honey, what kind? - All right!

Have a cookie. Yeah, sure, take a cookie.

- How you doing? - Oh...hi!

- You still open? - Yeah, yeah, sure.

- Two cherry cinnamon. - Cherry cinnamon, right.

- New here, huh? - Just opened today.

(Banging)

What's all that noise?

That's...the cookie press. It needs oil.

There's... a slight leak...downstairs.

- This is the plumber. - There's a tiny leak.

- What do I owe you? - Oh, no charge.

- Thanks a lot. Take it easy. - I gotta get some sandbags!

Oh, the cookies are 85 cents for...

- Get the sandbags! - Relax, you're a perfect fit!

- Where are the sandbags?! - Just relax!

OK, so we got off to a shaky start.

Yeah, I'd say it was shaky, yeah.

Frenchy, there's gonna be glitches, so what?

Tomorrow I'll bring a bathing suit.

I'm not discouraged, cos I don't get discouraged.

There was a woman on before, she's got 200 pairs of shoes.

You'll get yours Frenchy, I promise you.

This time in a month or two we'll be in Miami,

it'll be great.

"A patron of the arts", don't that sound great?

- Frenchy... - Opening night at the opera.

I love you, Frenchy, you know why?

Because you back me all the time.

You know when I first knew I loved you?

This was a long time ago if you remember.

Remember I taught you how to open a safe

by listening to the tumblers, and you got it.

- That's when I knew. - You're a very romantic man,

and I'm very lucky because not many wives get to see

their husbands battling a ruptured water main.

- I'm crazy about you. - I'm crazy about you.

- Here, Benny. - Benny, put it in the bag.

- You... I'll... - He puts it in the bag.

- This is efficiency. - Hurry up!

What... Why are you putting it in his shovel?

- He puts it in. - It's called efficiency.

It saves energy.

(Customers chatting)

- Chocolate chip, please. - Here.

Little girl, what do you want?

- Chocolate fudge. - OK. You can only have two.

What are you stopping for?

Why? I'm trying to figure this out!

According to this, we're supposed to take a left turn.

That doesn't mean stop! Let's go!

Will you give me a... What the hell are you doing?

- What? - You got your hat on backwards.

Yeah, so?

The flashlight goes in the front!

But it looks cooler like this.

What are you, a jerk?

It's a lot more stylish than that - look at that!

- You think so? - Yeah, turn it around.

This is chic. Yeah, look at that. That's cool.

You got a mirror?

No, I don't. That looks good, I'll show you when we get out.

Can you keep going, please?

I'm trying to figure the map out!

You want two?

OK, OK, everybody hold on.

That's 1.70, that's it. Thank you very much. Thank you.

OK, here...chocolate chip...

(Tommy) What you gonna do with your share?

How much is my share?

Well, I figure there's gotta be two million,

I'm counting the jewellery too.

(Benny) Divided four ways, that's a half million bucks apiece.

- What about Frenchy? - She's just a front.

But without her we're dead.

Any broad could sell cookies.

I say she gets a share but not a full share.

I'd go for that.

What if we each get a fourth and she gets, like, a third?

- She'd be getting more than us. - How you figure?

Where you gonna get four-fourths and a third?

- I don't do fractions. - Let's not get greedy.

Remember that Bogart movie where they're digging for gold?

They find the gold and then this guy turns on his friends.

- Let's not let that happen. - And he's killed by Hispanics.

- The Treasure Of... - Treasure Island.

- Right! That was a good movie. - The best.

OK, folks, here's the deal. I'm out of cookies, OK?

(Crowd groans)

It's gonna be another two minutes.

That's the way the cookie crumbles.

I've got one cookie left, you know who's gonna eat this? Me.

(Frenchy) I gotta put on help.

Help?

Yeah, I can't handle the volume.

What...? A second person?

I can't help it, Ray, the cookies are selling.

Gee, I never counted on that. You gotta manage it somehow.

What about my cousin May? We can trust her.

May's a dodo, I bring a dodo into a master plan?

- She's not a squealer. - But we'd have to cut her in.

The pot's getting smaller and smaller.

Well, I can't cook and sell at the same time, it's a madhouse,

we'll get caught.

Hey, you know what we could do?

May... We could hire May and not tell her what we're doing.

And she...she'll never catch on. She's got, you know, and...

We're making enough from the cookies to pay her.

Absolutely, she'll never figure out or catch wise to anything.

If you think Denny's slow, your cousin May is dumb like a...

like a horse or a dog or something.

Maybe it's not such a great idea.

No, I think... I think we could do it.

- Where are we? - Supposed to be here.

Excuse me!

Where's the sugar? Frenchy wants sugar.

May, stop bothering us, we're busy here.

I just don't understand the drilling.

I told you, business is good, we're expanding.

Yeah, a little tea shop so people can eat cookies and drink tea.

Where are they gonna drink the tea, in the tunnel?

I'd explain it but you gotta understand engineering.

What's engineering?

May, do me a favour, I told you, we're expanding.

But there's a nail shop next door.

- We made a deal with them. - You're expanding into there?

May, get your stuff.

You want the sugar... Take a hike.

Get the sugar and go, we'll call you.

(Tommy) This broad's big trouble.

Is it safe having that broad around?

She's harmless.

(Benny) I think we've made a wrong turn.

Oh, please! Give me the map.

- What're you talkin' about? - For God's sakes.

This is fine, I don't know what you're in a dither about.

- You're holding it upside down. - I am?

You were reading this upside down all along?

Get off my back.

Can I help it if they print these things like this?

OK, thank you very much.

I gotta get another plate of the...cherry...

- Can I help you? Next? - I'm coming right back.

Can I get two cherry cinnamon? How you doin'?

We're doin' something right! Two cherry cinnamon.

- You new here, huh? - No, this is my first day.

These are the greatest cookies I ever tasted.

- Oh, really? We're expanding. - No kidding?

Yeah, some guys are working right now,

- tunnelling under next door. - Really?

- Yeah. - Did you try the fudge?

We were talking about what a success this place is.

- About the restaurant. - What restaurant?

You know, the guys in the back tunnelling under the nail shop?

- What are you talking about? - The tea room.

May, come here!

We're at the Sunset Bake Shop where the lines wait patiently

for the most fabulous cookies in New York.

What's goin' on here?!

And you're the heart of Sunset Cookies, Miss...?

Frenchy Winkler.

Frances, but everybody calls me Frenchy.

Standing here, one can inhale the aroma of chocolate, cinnamon

and a dozen other mouth-watering taste treats.

Is it true customers wait half an hour for a cookie?

(Crowd mumble agreement)

That you've rationed sales?

Well, it happened once but... what's all the fuss?

Where did you learn the secret of your baking?

It's all I can cook, that and linguine with turkey meatballs.

(Laughter)

Sir, how is your cookie?

I don't know, it's baked with nutmeg or something.

But it's great.

And we're expanding, there are men in the back tunnelling...

No, no, May! Get back!

I can't take this, Frenchy! We don't want this attention.

I didn't hire a publicity agent, they just showed up.

I know, but it's putting us in the toilet!

I can't concentrate, there's people demanding cookies,

and Denny got bit by a rat, he needed rabies shots.

- Who, the rat? - Funny. You should be on TV.

I am! Open your eyes!

Frenchy, I don't like this.

You've been digging for weeks, when you gonna get somewhere?

It's complicated, we keep getting lost!

The other day I was in deep and my hat went out.

- That stupid coal miner's hat? - It's a life-saver, that bulb!

We'd do better just with a cookie store,

we're making good dough.

Hey, making good dough!

It's a cookie store but we're making dough.

- We're making dough but... - I get it.

(Benny) I knew we were going the wrong way!

What are we doin' in a dress shop?

At least it's a Sunday, we can patch this up and get out.

- Patch it up?! - Tile it!

- I'm not a tiler. - We don't have any tiles!

Where do you get cement in a dress shop?

Besides, BRAIN, how can you close the hole and tile it?

We're inside the store! How do we get out?

Well... He's got a point. You can't tile it from that side.

- No kidding. - No, you can't.

This is very discouraging, guys, I'm ready to pack this in.

Everybody freeze!

Ray, your wife's cousin talks too much.

Sorry to spoil your expansion plans...

Officer, listen, we didn't do anything yet.

It's true, we were gonna...rob the bank

but we screwed up everything except for the cookie shop,

that's doing great, you like the cookies!

Let us forget all this and just concentrate on the cookie store.

Hey, look, I'm not trying to ruin anybody's life, OK?

Then, give us a break.

Think I could get a piece of the action?

I don't mind paying off the cops.

It's a standard business expense.

Don't think of it as a pay-off. I think I'm qualified

to make a major contribution to this whole enterprise.

My brother-in-law majored in business.

Let us hear this contribution.

- One word. - Yeah, and that word is?

Franchise.

(Ray) 'We got about 600 trucks and we're all over the country

'and Canada, and we make a lot of different cookies now.

'We got pistachio, we got pretzels,

'we make chicken chip cookies, tuna mint...'

(Reporter) 'Virtually overnight,

'the Winklers and associates have gone from a small cookie shop

'to something approaching a baking empire.'

This is where we package everything, you know?

And, uh...we, uh...the cookies have a wonderful fresh smell

and that's put on with a chemical spray.

We do that here.

There's no denying he's refreshingly down-to-earth

for a corporate executive.

In fact, Sunset Farms has captured the imagination

of the public and the industry.

We wondered what the competition thinks,

so we went to American Cookies.

The bottom line is they make a great product.

And everything else pretty much takes care of itself.

This is your office?

Yeah, this is where I operate.

Frenchy decorated this place, she's got...all her stuff here.

This is an antique, you know.

She says it's Louis the... I don't know, Louis XIV, or XV.

I don't know how high the Louis go, actually,

but it's a top Louis, one of the...

And Frenchy stuck a TV in it, you know,

because she's got a...you know, she's a creative decorator.

It's very original. Um, how much are you worth?

Oh, plenty. Plenty.

- How much? Between you and me. - A lot.

I mean, whatever you see is antiques.

You know, this thing here, this is from the Renaissance

or the Magna Carta or something but that's where it's from.

Why did you decide to go into baking so late in life?

Well, Frenchy, we found out, can make cookies.

(Reporter) 'The Frenchy they're talking about

'and culinary genius of Sunset is Frances Fox,

'the wife of the CEO.'

So everybody told you how delicious your cookies were?

- I thought they were BSing me. - Really?

Yeah, cos someone gives you something they cooked

you always say you enjoy it even if you threw up, so, you know.

In an age where everyone has public relations handlers

it's hard to imagine a group more direct

and less image-conscious than Sunset Farms.

Each person we met seemed more eccentric than the last,

like Tommy Walker, the chairman.

Frenchy makes the best cookies in the world. We're very proud.

What are your duties as chairman?

The board meets twice a week and we take up issues.

Issues?

Yeah, facts, problems, things like that.

What problems does an overnight success like Sunset Farms face?

Last week the toilet on the fourth floor wouldn't flush.

The water kept coming to the top,

so the board voted on getting a plumber.

'An architect of Sunset Farms' unorthodox marketing strategy

'is head of advertising, Denny Doyle, a former truck driver.'

Did you have the idea to advertise in Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler?

I figured if a guy's staring at a naked piece of tail,

he sees the breasts and the legs, he's gonna salivate.

So if he's salivating and turns the page

and comes across a picture of our cookies,

he thinks maybe that's why he's drooling.

It's psychology. It's science.

It's like Pablo's theory, with the dog when he feeds him?

- Pablo? - Pablo, with the dogs.

'Then there's ex-police officer Ken Deloach,

'in charge of distribution.

'And Benjamin Borkowsky, in charge of plant safety.'

I made sure the building was fireproof.

'And lest they be accused of being a male club,

'May Sloane handles public relations and physical therapy.'

I understand public relations, but physical therapy?

Well, all the chocolate chips are put in by hand

and that's really hard on the back and the leg muscles.

I do deep massage.

She's also a vice president.

So that's a brief glimpse into a corporate culture

that has industry leaders and management analysts

scratching their heads, wondering what Sunset Farms will try next.

But it may be as simple as the Winklers' chief competitor said.

You've got something people want, everything else falls into place.

Or as we in TV might say,

there's no accounting for the public's taste.

Keep coming through with the stuff.

I think it's better the way I had it. Put the doll there.

(Chef) Mrs Winkler? You wanted to check the menu?

Right. Stevens, bring that piece downstairs

and try it again next to the fireplace.

I want a lot of nuts and crudites.

What did we say for openers? Yeah, snails.

Escargot, yes, then potato and truffle salad.

By all means, but I hate those thin pieces.

When you shave it, lay it on big time.

Truffles are always shaved finely, Mrs Winkler.

I wouldn't suggest anything overdone.

(Chef) ..then poached sea bass in filo,

and spinach souffl� and salad and dessert.

And finger bowls.

Nothing being served requires them.

You never know whose fingers need washing.

- Did you rearrange this again? - Hold your water!

Every time I come home it's like walking into a strange house.

Did I tell you to get rid of this?

It's a harp. You got no flair, Ray.

Nobody plays the harp. Who plays it?

What's it doing in the living room?

I like the visual sweep.

You know, I don't know what's gotten into you,

you're so hoity-toity all of a sudden.

My cookies pay for this, so turn it off.

What's for dinner?

And don't tell me it's little sparrows on a bed of lettuce,

cos I never want anything on lettuce again.

They're pheasants and you ate 'em.

And I almost choked on a BB!

Can I get a cheeseburger, is that possible?

Are you forgetting? It's the dinner party.

Oh...great(!) Just when I got a lot on my mind.

Your mind don't hold a lot.

Come on, get dressed. It's tuxedo.

- I'm hungry. - You want a snail?

A...? Are you nuts? I'm gonna have a snail?

Come on, you eat steamers.

Hey, a snail leaves a trail of scum in the yard when it walks.

Not in France, they don't.

Jesus, what happened to all the turkey meatballs and spaghetti?

Have a potato and truffle thing, that'll hold you.

Truffles got no flavour, Frenchy!

They're subtle, only pigs can find 'em.

You're thinking of pearls, they come in oysters.

- Take a hike. - You're such an ignoramus.

That's what I love about you, you're... Pearls are in oysters.

Ray, Ray, Ray...please.

- Don't spoil my big night. - What's so big about tonight?

There's a lot of important arts people coming.

Hey, we donate, you'll be on the boards.

- I wanna be a patron. - You wanna be a socialite.

So what? Is that so terrible?

But when we talked about making it, we were gonna hit it big,

move to Florida, swim, eat stone crabs...

We can get a place in Palm Beach.

Palm Beach is ritzy.

I want to go to Miami, be at the dog track every day.

I just wanna be as far away from Frenchy Fox the topless wonder

as I can be.

Hey, you were beautiful as Frenchy Fox.

You'd come out, remember you'd give it a little of this?

Those days are over.

And our accountants want us to be twice as big next year.

What good is that if I can't get a cheeseburger?

Ray, please, be charming tonight.

I've seen you when you wanna turn on the charm, you sparkle.

All right. (Chuckles)

I gotta go.

Good evening! Welcome to our humble little abode.

Charles Bailey, this is my wife, Emily.

- How you doin'? - David Parret.

- Hello, hello. - Linda Rhinelander.

- Can I get you drinks? - Just Evian, or Perrier?

- Certainly. - We got anything you want.

I take tap water. The fluoride keeps your teeth from rotting.

Hey! Look at this!

(Posh voice) Hello!

So glad you could attend our humble abode.

We just got back. Didn't want to miss the new Traviata.

- Have you seen it? - No, not yet.

Nor have I. What is it?

Ray, why are we standing in the hallway?

Please, let's retire to the living room.

(Parret) Are you a fan of the ballet, Mrs Winkler?

I used to be a dancer, but, please, call me Fren...Frances.

- Frances Fox-Winkler. - The Foxes from Saratoga?

I don't know, I never checked my pedigree.

Can we change the music? I feel like I should be wearing a wig.

You will be soon.

Did you do the place yourself?

They say I have a flair for decorating.

- This rug lights up. - It lights?

Yeah, it's made of fibre-optics. I'll turn it on later.

Stevens, what's with the snails?!

(Doorbell)

W-w-why don't I get the door

and you show them your collection of leather pigs?

- Do you play the harp, Frances? - No, it's a visual, honey.

The sweep kills me. Oh, finally. Girls...

Hey, how you doin'? Come on in.

Right there, all the action... Hey, honey? Toots?

Shake it, they're in there.

- How you doin'? - Garth Steinway.

- Garth Steinway. - Garth...? Yeah.

- I'm Anthony Gwynne. - Oh, no kidding?

You're the outfielder with the Padres?

Our goal is to raise $2 million,

then the company can tour the west coast

and include the new opera.

Right.

Well, count me in. I love serious music.

Ray, on the other hand, opera freaks him.

Have you tried your finger bowl??

So the guy says, "What do you do for a living?"

He says, "I'm a monback."

He says, "What's a monback?"

"You know, I stand behind a truck saying "'monback"!"

H-he stands behind the truck, he goes "'monback"!

He says... I think it's too fast for her.

'Monback. He says 'monback.

I do think they overpaid for the Picasso.

I mean, for me it was unusually mediocre, don't you think?

I agree completely. Excuse me, I have to go find my wife.

I saw a beautiful painting of fruit at the Met or the Whitney,

it might have been the Holocaust.

Are you affiliated with any of the museums?

No, I'm a private dealer.

We have one or two paintings but I haven't gotten around to...

- building a collection. - Uh-huh.

So what are you interested in?

Er, Rembrandt, Picasso, Michelangelo.

- You know, the boys. - Yeah, yeah.

I might be out of Michelangelos at the moment.

But I have come into possession of an incredible Damon Dexter

that someone's trying to sell, is he...?

I'm not aware of him.

No, well, he's new, you know.

I have to say, your wine is absolutely delicious. Really.

The chef who did the finger bowls chose it. Have you rinsed?

David used to own a vineyard, so he's a tough audience.

Did you study art at school?

No, I didn't. I think I should have.

No, I studied literature.

Then inevitably wound up as a stockbroker,

then I dropped out, went to Japan and became a Buddhist

blah blah blah, and then I did teach art for a bit.

And then the vineyard.

My God, what a life, and you're still so young!

Don't be fooled.

Somewhere in a closet there's a portrait of me ageing.

In the closet?

Why would it be...?

Oh! How droll.

(Chuckling)

You hear about the Polish carpool?

Every day they meet at work.

I can't believe this room. This takes bad taste to new heights.

(Woman) This is excruciating.

(Man) And can you believe them? I can't keep a straight face.

(2nd Man) And this apartment, the flawless vulgarity.

(Woman) She must've been frightened by a leopard.

(Man) I think they plan on being very generous.

(2nd Man) And the house? Not to mention her clothes.

(Man) This is the definition of bad taste.

(Ray) I never saw so much jewellery.

It makes me sad that I don't have to steal any more. Really.

What's the matter, honey? You've been quiet all night.

What's bothering you?

What's bothering me is that we got no class.

Speak for yourself, I was very charming tonight.

Ray, I went to sit in the bar. They were in there talking about us.

You shoulda heard 'em. And they were right.

We got more dough than all of them.

It ain't dough. It's knowing the finer things.

Like what? Opera?

Like food and wine and painting and books.

Stop it, will you? I'm unimpressed.

All my life I've been ignorant, I could never afford to learn.

And I was a good student...

Well, I was a lousy student and I always hated school.

If I could find my school principal today,

I'd put a contract out on her.

Class is something you can't fake and can't buy.

I got more class in my little finger than them.

We came into a few bucks but we're phoneys,

we're trying to act like big shots.

- Not me. - Well, me.

But the time has come to use our dough to amount to something.

Like what?

To change our lives.

I'm too busy to change my life.

Doing what? Playing pinball?

I don't wanna wear a tux any more, I wanna go to Florida and swim.

Well, I wanna be the real thing.

Wise up, because if I grow and you stay as stupid as you are,

we're gonna have big problems, Ray.

Smarten you up, is that what you said?

Yeah, you said you were a teacher,

you know art, opera, books, wine, you know,

we want to learn it all, don't we, Ray?

I'm flattered you think I'm capable of...

Turning two slugs like us into classy items?

No homework. I never did any when I was young, I'm not...

You know, not doing anything that's got homework.

Naturally, we'd make it worth your while, David.

No, it's absolutely not about money,

it's just that...I've never been asked to do anything like this.

I'm not sure I'd know where to start.

I know I gotta get a better vocabulary.

Have you ever thought about enrolling in college?

I didn't go to high school, why would I go to college?

That takes four years, we want a private crash course, right?

Am I crazy? She's nuts! David, tell her she's nuts.

What are... I'm gonna learn about life suddenly?

I must say, Frenchy, Ray has a point, you know.

He could probably teach me more about life than I could teach you.

What's he gonna teach you?

I can figure the point spread and count cards at blackjack.

- Close your bazoo. - I can...

Close your bazoo!

I don't want to be discouraging

because what you propose is admirable...

I'd like to be able to spell Connecticut.

Don't ask why, I never knew how to spell Connecticut.

Fair enough. You could teach him that, right?

Yeah.

You said this is a slow period in the art market

and we would take VERY good care of you, right?

Like I say, I don't want to discourage you...

I'd just have to think about it a bit, I haven't...

If I could envisage a plan, a starting point.

We could start by, you know, building our art collection.

You'd make a few bucks and we can learn something.

But I'm not going to museums.

The...pictures spook me out...

- (Laughing) - Virgins...

- What are you laughin' at? - Spooked by the virgins!

- I'm sorry. - Work on the laugh.

You can see the difference between this Tintoretto

and the earlier Byzantine painting we looked at.

What would you say is the most significant difference?

I would say that the frame's bigger here.

Mm-hm. Yeah, it is bigger,

but there's also a difference in the paintings themselves

and it's important because it characterises

the great technical leap

from the ancient into the modern world.

You remember how the saints had very flat faces

and the background was on the same plane as the foreground?

- Perspective. - Right, perspective.

Let me show you another very good example of that.

"The frame on this one is bigger"? Oh, boy, you are a dummy.

Hey, don't give me "perspective."

Take a hike, will ya?

(Woman's voice) 28.

- Four. - Lev axle.

51.

- You niv dee can. - 87.

- (Groaning) - 90.

- Darvo sed. - Four.

- Red do. - 10.

(Screeching)

(Wailing)

(Ray) I'm hungry. (Frenchy) Learn something.

There's nothing to learn!

This is where Henry James lived.

- Who? - The band leader, stupid.

- Married to Betty Grable? - Yes!

No, you're thinking of Harry James, who's brilliant too.

This is Henry James, the author.

- Oh. - Yeah?

This is where he lived and worked and...

I don't care where he lived, where did he eat?

- The Heiress, right? - The "H" is silent.

Oh. Did he write that too?

Oh... Frenchy!

Frenchy, I'm still sick.

I'm weak, I can't go.

You're gonna miss an interesting "great books" discussion.

Yeah, I know. It kills me. But I... I'm just gonna lay here.

See you when you come back.

- Hello. - Hello.

Ray's got a cold.

- I bet 500. - 500?

See your five, raise you 500.

I'm out.

I'll see the five, and a thou.

What did you think of the book?

Well, I thought it was very romantic.

I mean, he loved her but their backgrounds were so different.

Right.

So you thought it was doomed from the start?

I guess, cos he wound up dead,

but I think that two people from different backgrounds

can make it if, er... the juice is there.

Right.

- Sorry, juice is...is? - You know, the hots.

Right.

Wine, would you like some wine?

I brought over a bottle of Chateau Margaux.

We can compare that to my Clos de la Roche

and see the difference between a Bordeaux and a burgundy.

I've got two others of the same vintage

that I thought it might be fun to try.

I see the five, I raise a thou.

I'll see it, raise you a thousand more.

And a thousand.

- And a thousand. - OK. Call.

Read it and weep, a pair of threes.

Oh, good, I thought you were bluffing.

So what do you wanna play now?

What about Indian Poker?

Seven cards, hold them over your head, nobody sees their hand,

we bet on each other's hands, high-low, wild cards all the reds.

Do you wanna sit down, May?

(Benny) Old Maid? Can you play Old Maid?

So, um...try this one.

Well, OK.

Nice nose.

Yeah, the bouquet is very special.

No, I mean you got a nice nose.

- Me? - Yeah.

I can't describe it, it's like kind of...

- It's just any old nose... - Aquiline.

Yeah, um, talking of which, how is your vocabulary coming along?

Oh, good. I'm almost through all the "A" words in the dictionary.

Right, right.

Thing is, I'm not convinced that memorising the dictionary

is the best way to improve your vocabulary.

- Hmm. - Yeah.

You sold the Damon Dexter so fast and at such a good price.

That'll really take a bite out of our debts.

Oliver, it's dawning on me that the opportunity has arisen

for me to become quite, er, obscenely rich.

They're serious about an art collection?

- No, that would be peanuts. - What, then?

Well, I think that she might be falling for me.

Frenchy Winkler?

How much do you think she's worth, roughly?

- Her husband, you mean? - No, it's all in her name.

What are you saying?

I don't know, I suppose I'm saying...

people grow and marriages sadly break up and...

women remarry, you know?

Fortunes, they change hands.

(Ray) What is this?

It's a Damon Dexter, a discovery of David's.

I say it's depressing.

You wouldn't know a masterpiece if it bit you.

- I refuse to look at this. - What does that mean?

It means I won't look at that wall.

Oh! You're a head case.

I bet David made a profit on this.

Whose cookies pay the rent, huh?

He's making a fool out of you!

Stevens, what time is it? I no longer look at this wall.

- 11am, sir. - Thank you very much.

David, what's this? Oh...

Oh, that? That's a citrine necklace.

- You know about citrines? - No.

They're not precious stones, but the lustre's very special.

And that?

Ah...

- Talking about lustre... - Uh-huh.

This is very special and very, very expensive.

It's a cigarette case that belonged to the Duke of Windsor.

I know the Duke of Windsor!

He also married beneath his station, right?

He did, he did, like our friend Henry Higgins.

It was such a romantic story, I saw it on television.

Uh-huh?

Ray? Ray!

What are you doin' here?

I'm...having Chinese food.

That's what they serve in a Chinese restaurant.

- You want some company? - Who?

Who's talking to you? Me!

All right...but where's Frenchy?

She's at a concert, some piano concert with a guy.

Oh. They have take-out here but they won't deliver to a concert.

Don't worry about it, May.

Rachmaninoff: Prelude in B Minor, Opus 32

(Ray) Dinner was so great, May.

All that MSG and the grease, it was just... What a treat.

I'm so sick of continental food every night.

You know, Frenchy eats frogs' legs.

(May) Do they taste like chicken?

(Ray) Rabbit.

- Rabbit tastes like frog legs? - No... Forget it, forget it.

(Ray) Are you happy being rich?

(May) It's OK.

I got a lot of charge accounts

and a really, really nice apartment and a maid.

- I'm still lonely though. - Yeah? How come?

The guy I was seeing left me

because he was so embarrassed about being poor

and hated that I paid for everything.

So I stopped paying, and that's when he left me.

Yeah, I can...understand your...

- You...you enjoy being rich? - I hate it.

- You're kidding? - No, I hate the life, you know?

- It's making me lose Frenchy. - What?

I mean she's outgrowing me, that's what she said.

She's a different person.

I think she's got a crush on her teacher, David.

Yeah, well, he's very good looking and really bright,

- very charming and elegant... - OK, I got the picture.

You really know how to make a guy feel good.

- When you're right, you're right. - Thank you.

(David) What did you think of it?

I thought the whole evening was apocalyptic.

- Apocalyptic? - Totally. I really was agog.

Well, me too, she's fabulous.

And I have to asseverate she deserves accolades.

Have you been memorising the dictionary?

Yeah. Next week the "B"s.

How do I look?

I have to say, that dress is just...gorgeous.

See? Your influence. Low-key, right?

Well, that's very flattering...

Ray thinks it's dullsville.

David?

- Paige. - Wasn't Rachmaninoff inspired?

Wasn't it?

I thought it might incur my animadversion

- but realised it was apposite. - A-ha! I think I see drinks.

- Good to see you, David. - Nice meeting you.

I love your friends, David.

They're so bright and cultured and refined, it's another world.

It's a world I know you'd love to belong to.

This looks a lot more civilised.

- Oh, beautiful. - Let's take a seat here.

'Anything we get, Cody's in for his full share.

'That's how it is.'

(May) You know why I respect Cody?

- Why? - Because he loves his mother.

I understand that, May.

Even though he's a cold-blooded killer and she encourages him,

still, it's sweet.

Yeah, I wish I had a mother like that.

- More Pepsi? - Yeah, please.

And this is the best part, I love this part.

Yeah...

Will you pass me the Crackerjack?

What are you lookin' at?

I happen to be noticin' you,

I was lookin' at you a couple of times tonight,

cos for the first time I had the thought

that in a very, very strange way, you got a sweet face.

It's off-beat in a kind of bizarre...you know.

I don't know how to explain it exactly, but it's...

it's right up there.

- What d'you mean? - It's a compliment, May,

I'm trying to say a nice thing.

Cos you being a relative of Frenchy

I never before classified you as a human-type female.

- So... - I-I-I was married.

A long time ago, right?

It was a really tragic story because my husband, Otto,

was dyslexic, and the only thing he could spell was his name.

That is... That's, er...

There's no doubt about it, burgundy really goes to my head.

What did you want to talk about?

I've, um...

Well, I've...got a little present for you.

- For me? - Yeah.

- Here. - Oh...pretty...

I love leather books.

Oh, Pygmalion. I love that story, David.

There's a little inscription.

"To my favourite Eliza,

"from your Professor Higgins, love David."

- I got a confession to make. - What?

I got you a present too.

Oh, no, you didn't have to do that.

It's in appreciation of all the stuff you've been doing for me.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Frenchy...

- This is... - Frances!

Frances, this is...

It must have cost you a fortune.

What good's having dough unless you spend it, huh?

This is...this is so extravagant...

I-I'm embarrassed.

Don't take up smoking,

but if it's good enough for the Duke of Windsor, right?

Well, I'm really overwhelmed

and my little Bernard Shaw is so insignificant...

No.

But you see I just...

I just wanted you to know how unbelievably proud I am of you.

David, this is not insignificant.

Maybe I'm talking out of turn here but...

you've just developed so much and I...

I just feel that you belong

in a world of society and high culture now.

It's frustrating because you should continue growing,

you should be branching out.

There's Paris and Rome and the great opera houses and museums.

You should be able to cultivate the right kinds of friends...

Anyway, I, you know... Biff.

It's hard, cos Ray's not like that.

He likes watching TV in his underwear, suckin' a Bud.

Well, I don't know what to say. I can't...can't comment on that.

- Can I be frank, David? - Mm-hm.

(Sighs) Sometimes I think I've outgrown him.

- Pretty late. - You too. What did you do?

Ah, you know, I-I, uh, worked late

and then May and me had some Chinese food.

You and May. What did you talk about? Cartoons?

No, we went up to her apartment and watched "White Heat" on TV.

- Till 3am? - Then we went and got a pizza.

Chinese food and a pizza?

I'm surprised you didn't break into the Pepto-Bismol factory.

No, Frenchy, for the first time in a long time I had fun.

- I wanna talk to you, Ray. - Now?

David's going to Europe for a month,

I thought we might go along, see some sights.

- What kind of sights? - Churches, opera houses, ruins.

What are you, a stroke victim?

Fly 3,000 miles to see opera houses and ruins?

Well, I wanna go.

- What do you mean? - It's part of my development.

You're Frenchy Fox from New Jersey, stop putting on airs.

David thinks it would be good for me.

- I get a bad vibe about him. - You think everybody's a crook.

I wish I still was a crook, I'd feel like a person.

You haven't grown along with me.

The only thing that's grown about you is your rear end.

I'm sorry, Ray, I wanna go to Europe.

We're married! You can't just go to Europe with David.

- I asked you to come! - Cos you knew I'd say no!

My idea of fun is not going to operas and ruins.

I get enough sleep at home.

I never thought I'd say this,

but maybe the time has come to re-evaluate our marriage.

If you go with David, you'll have to re-evaluate it big time.

I won't be held back by an over-aged juvenile delinquent!

Then get yourself a lawyer.

We don't need lawyers, I'll go 50/50, even though it's all in my name.

You're right, we don't need lawyers

because I don't want anything.

You can have the house, the business,

custody of all the chocolate chips, I just want out.

(Ray) You know, May, it was on a boat that I proposed to Frenchy.

(May) Yeah, yeah, I know.

Suddenly I'm not her type after all these years.

Oh, may I tell you something, Ray?

What?

You're not my type either.

What? What the hell does that mean?

Maybe Frenchy wasn't so wrong

to try and make something out of herself.

Frenchy overdid everything.

Well, you underdo everything.

There's more to life than turkey meatballs.

I don't know. I get a bad vibe about this guy David.

It's my street instinct, but I don't trust him.

Because he's younger than you, he's handsomer than you,

he's much taller than you are, he's smarter than you,

he's much more exciting than you.

May, don't pull any punches with me, I can take it.

Women... You know, women like a little elegance. It's more...

So if I did it again I would do some things differently.

Maybe I'd sit through more operas with Frenchy.

Especially now they got the new Sony Walkmans.

Now you split with Frenchy, you don't even work.

No, I don't work, but I got an idea for something

and I want to talk to you about it.

Really?

(May) Wow, what a place.

That's the home of Chi Chi Potter, the socialite.

Now, Chi Chi's got a necklace,

it's all emeralds with diamonds around it,

it's a very famous necklace, maybe you saw it in a magazine.

Would it have been on TV?

I don't know, but it's been in magazines, it's famous.

I wanna... I could live off that necklace, if I fenced it,

for the rest of my life.

Remember what happened with the tunnel.

Yeah, but we don't have to tunnel any more.

Now, Frenchy and I, we're patrons of the arts

so Chi Chi invited us to a big party,

Frenchy's out of town, you come with me, we get the necklace.

Oh. I never heisted anything before.

There's nothing to it, I know where the safe is, I've been planning.

'I had dinner there one night and I excused myself,

'I was very crafty.

'I went upstairs and I scoped it all out

'and found the safe and I got the whole layout in my mind,

'so I know we can do this.'

I don't wanna wind up in jail, and if this is such a big item

they'll be turning the town upside-down looking for it.

No, I have a particularly shrewd mentality,

I got a connection in Chinatown.

I bring in a picture of the necklace,

he makes me an exact duplicate, I switch, she never knows.

She's a... Chi Chi's a dumb, flighty society dame.

By the time she figures out there's been a switch,

I'll be in Florida or the Cayman Islands.

(Melancholy classical music)

(Mobile phone)

Hello? What?

- I can't hear you, what? - Shh.

I'm in a crypt! I can't!

What do you mean?

What are you talking about? How?

Give me a break, sister, OK?

- Today?! - Shh!

What do you mean it's an emergency? I...

- Oh, hi. - Mrs Winkler?

We're sorry to bring you back from your vacation.

- What's goin' on? - I've terrible news.

- Something happened to Ray? - Sunset Enterprises is bankrupt.

- How? - Fraud.

- Fraud? Who? - Your accountants.

I-I-I don't even know who they are. What?

- You should have looked. - We let them handle everything.

What do I know about running a corporation?

Did you ever read anything you signed?

No, but they assured us everything was OK.

Mrs Winkler, do you want a drink?

I'd like a 1961 Roman�e Saint-Vivant if we have it.

I'd have a whisky if I were you.

Well, I don't understand, I mean, Sunset's gone?

Can't we do anything?

We could put a few people in jail IF we could find them.

Oh...this is the worst news.

Oh, no. No, Mrs Winkler, it's not.

No? It is to me!

No, no, the worst news is coming up.

Oh. All right.

All right, you better tell me. Let me sit down.

They talked about expanding Sunset.

That's right, yeah.

To do that you needed a bank loan, are you aware of that?

Quite a substantial loan.

Get to the point.

You signed a promissory note to the bank.

This is exactly what I've got accountants for.

Yes, but your accountants are in Venezuela.

Wh... This is all so confusing!

You put up your home and savings for a monster loan.

Could you put some cyanide in here?

- It needs to be stronger. - You've lost it all, Frenchy.

Or should I say you've been swindled out of it all?

- You mean I got... - Nothing. You have nothing.

No house, no bank account, just some large, outstanding loans

which we feel you can best deal with by filing for bankruptcy.

Bankruptcy? Bankruptcy? I'm not up to the "B" words yet.

- Sorry. - Does Ray know about this?

What difference does it make to Ray? He's gone.

What did you say?

(Frenchy) I'm bankrupt.

Sunset's gone. Worse, all my personal dough is gone.

The whole ride's over.

Well...

How could that possibly happen?

Fraud. My accountants.

Ray said not to trust them because the whole firm had moustaches.

I-I'm gonna get myself a little Valium.

David, I can't give you that loan I promised you.

What? What did you say?

It turns out I got people I owe.

But you did say I could borrow $400,000.

I was using it to cement a deal!

It kills me to cop out on you like this, but I'm busted.

- What an idiot. - I guess I am, yeah.

H-how could you be so stupid and irresponsible

as to allow some patently cheap and thieving accountants

to defraud you out of a future?

How could anyone be that stupid?

Aren't you a little out of line?

I've made plans, I've made commitments to people!

Oh.

You got a strange look in your eye, like the guy from the book.

Dr Jekyll or Mr Hyde or Ted Bundy, I can never remember.

The time I've put in nurturing an idea that's not gonna happen.

Is that what it was? The money?

I-I need my prescription, my little blue pills

so I'm gonna...go and get them.

And I would very much appreciate it if when I came back you were gone.

Thank you.

David, I'd like the cigarette case back that I gave you.

I don't think so.

Wow.

I asked you for lessons in life.

I guess I really got one, right?

(Lively jazz)

Oh, we're so glad you could come!

- How are you? - Good.

Langston wants to talk to you about a theatre project in Aspen.

- Do you ski? - Me? No, never.

Do either of you play miniature golf?

- There's Minky. - Hello.

Oh, for heaven's sake! Er... Mingle.

I don't think you should speak.

- You said make conversation... - I know.

Make conversation but don't speak.

You know, don't bring up anything.

Maybe the weather, but don't...don't...

I'm gonna get in the flow and then kinda glide upstairs.

- Shall I glide with you? - No, I'll contact you.

- Can I get you some champagne? - Uh...sure.

(Woman) Ray!

I was gonna make a phone call.

- Have you seen Edgar? - Edgar?

Where that man gets off to!

I was gonna make a phone call...

- I'll look downstairs. - Try back there.

Thank you, Ray.

(Man) Oh, Winkler? Do you play golf?

Golf? No. I was just gonna make a phone call...

Guess I was mis...misdirected.

Yes, I'll just go and use the phone.

I wanted a match on Sunday but I'll get somebody else.

So sorry.

There'll be rain over the tri-state area, and fog.

Temperatures will hover in the low 60s till Tuesday.

(Laughs) I must say, you are most amusing.

Would you like a canap�?

Those are shrimp, these are quail eggs, and...

I don't have any idea what they are.

Thank you, I hate things with toothpicks,

they lodge in your throat.

(Chuckles) I'm George Blint, Mutual Funds, and you?

May Sloane, I'm a lookout.

I noticed the way you walked and carried yourself

from across the room.

You remind me of my wonderful departed wife.

You can't carry yourself across the room,

that's physically impossible.

(Laughs) You're charming.

You're the first woman I've met since Helen died

that I could say that about.

Was Helen your wife or just a woman who died?

Where's Mr Winkler? I wanted to talk to him.

Oh, he's mingling. Cloudy today, wasn't it?

With a chance of light sprinkles followed by sunshine.

Absolutely. Chi Chi, would you get those photos in the bedroom?

I want to show Mr Winkler the property in Aspen.

Yes, I just want to talk to Dr Henske.

He'd be perfect to do Beth Kramer's face

after the unbelievable job he did on Mrs Morton's buttocks.

Oh, I'm going to be right back.

Would you just...?

(Door opening)

Ray...

Shh! You scared me.

- For God's sake. - I came to warn you,

Mrs Potter's coming to get some pictures

that Mr Potter wants you to see.

She's looking for you.

Now I've closed the safe.

It's a tough safe, I'm out of practice.

- Did they see you come up here? - Uh, I don't think so.

(Sighs) Get out there and stand watch.

I'm gonna do this again.

Are you OK?

I'm fine, I'm fine. Get out, get out!

If you could fit it in to your schedule, it would mean so much.

She's been so down since the divorce

and don't you think - he got custody of the Pola-Polas.

Chi Chi, don't forget those photographs for Mr Winkler.

Oh, I'll get them.

So, you will try?

- I'll do my best. - Kiss kiss.

Mrs Potter is coming!

(Footsteps fading)

She's gone.

- Shh! - (She's gone.)

She's gone.

Mr Winkler wouldn't go without saying goodbye, would he?

He's not upstairs.

Jesus.

I met a wonderful man downstairs.

He seemed to like me.

He said I reminded him of his wife who's dead,

but I assume he meant when she was alive.

May, can you stop talking while I'm doing this?

Little short fella, bright yellow shirt, unbelievable tie.

Oh, yes, I know the gentleman, he was going upstairs before.

- Are you sure? - Er, yes, um... Mr Winkler.

Ray, I hear something.

- Oh. - Ooh!

She's not feeling well. She had one of her spells.

- Spells? - Yes, she gets spells.

- We have a doctor... - No, not necessary.

I-I-I'm a haemophiliac.

- Dear God, are you bleeding? - Why would I be bleeding?

Oh, no, she... Her neck...

There is, but my nasal passages are clearing up.

On weekends I do this for a hobby.

- She had champagne, you know... - Oh, I'll get Dr Henske.

Really... Ray, you have my cortisone pills?

- Me? - My medication?

I'll feel better if Dr Henske looks at her.

You relax and I'll go get Dr Henske.

A haemophiliac? Cortisone? Where do you get this?

- On TV. - I said stay with the weather!

I thought I did some quick thinking!

Yes, and you're going to be examined now!

Why? I just had a check-up.

Jesus, I got no time to work here.

They'll be back in seconds.

I can't tell the difference between these!

Then you gotta take 'em both.

I can't, if they don't find any necklace...

we've been suspiciously seen in here, I'll go right to jail!

Especially with your DNA!

What has my DNA got to do with it?

You better choose, they're gonna be back any minute.

I ca... I ca...

Ray, let's go!

Oh... Grrr!

All I know is what I've told you, Doctor.

She's right in here. Come along.

Here's Dr Henske!

What seems to be the trouble?

False alarm, it was a hot flash.

I think it was menopausal, I've seen it before.

I-I'm given to occasional spells.

- Spells? - Not spells, but she...

No, no! Sometimes for no reason I get hot and cold flashes

and the room will spin and spots will flash before my eyes

and I'll hear a ringing in my ears...

You're making too much of it, May.

..and then my tongue turns black and I can't swallow.

Really?

They diagnosed Parkinson's

but it could be Ebola or mad cow disease...

We got to go... It was a false positive, I think.

Come on, sweetheart, we're due.

I do hope you feel better, and not to worry, Mr Winkler,

Aspen will have to wait.

Ebola virus or mad cow?

I just said the first thing that came into my mouth.

- Great. - Hello, again.

George. Do I still remind you of your wife?

(Laughs) You kill me, you're great.

You're not feeling well, remember? I'm taking her home.

I'm in the book, May Sloane. I'll be better.

Well, I'll call you.

Ray, I just got the news about Frenchy.

Frenchy?

Didn't you hear? Sunset's gone under.

She was defrauded out of every penny.

- I figured you'd know. - Yeah. No, I do know. I...I...

(Ray) Shit.

(Ray) I came as soon as I heard.

I got exactly what I deserved.

You know, I missed you, Frenchy.

I'm sorry I blew our cookie company

but I'm even more sorry I blew our marriage.

What are you gonna do? Everybody makes mistakes.

The important thing is I still love you.

I don't deserve it, I behaved badly.

You behaved like an ass.

That's one of those "A" words you used to practise. Ass.

But I'm not the easiest guy in the world. I'm not Mr Sensitive.

There's things I coulda done differently.

We stayed in separate rooms the whole trip, Ray, that's the truth.

So where's David now?

He split the second I went bust.

No, I don't believe it(!)

He was hustling me for the dough.

Jeez. So now we got to begin again, you know?

And in more ways than one.

You still want me?

Still want you? You got to ask a question like that?

I'm crazy about you. You're a goddess to me.

I'm nuts for you. Of course I want ya.

But we're broke, we haven't got a dime.

We don't own a stick of this furniture.

Can I show you something? May I show you one thing?

- OK... - Just let me...

I think you're gonna be very, very proud of me.

That's Chi Chi Potter's!

Was... Was Chi Chi... Was!

- Ray! - Key word, "was".

- You didn't?! - I never felt so great.

I was back in action, I felt alive.

- Cos I always felt... - Hey, this is glass.

What are you talking about? How's it glass?

- It's fake. - What? How would you know?

I can tell fake, this ain't even good fake.

What are you talking about?

Oh, you know, it might fool some idiot with no eye and no brains

but it'd never pass with a normal person.

You're saying I got the phoney? I came away with the wrong thing?

Sounds like your MO.

- Nuts! I was in the room... - Yeah.

I was gonna substitute the glass one for the real one...

It's good to see that you got the same great instincts.

You're so wrong... Can I tell you...?

- What? - You take those lessons...

Wait, I'm gonna show you something.

..but you know nothing about jewellery.

This is... We take this and fence it, go to Florida...

It's the goods.

That won't get us on the subway, much less to Florida.

You're such a know-everything.

You don't have to be a rocket scientist

to spot a clinker like this.

Whoever made it, you overpaid.

What can I do if you're wrong? Tell me.

Can I take your nose and twist it till you turn blue?

Sure.

(Banging)

Gee... You broke it.

It's glass, Ray.

I know, but... Wh... Eh...

It's, well...

I'm not cleaning it up! You broke it!

You got glass over everything!

It's dangerous, you...

Jesus... I don't know what you see in me, I'm such a screw-up.

- It's glass! - Ray...

All that matters is that we have each other.

We didn't there for a while

and it made me realise how much I need you.

But you're married to a loser, Frenchy.

No, I'm the luckiest woman in the world.

And the brokest.

We got nothing. As usual, I come up empty.

We could pawn this.

What is this? What is this thing?

Who...?

I don't understand, who's the Duke of Windsor?

We could probably auction it.

- Where'd you get this? - From David.

David gave you this?

He doesn't know it yet.

I don't get it, what do you mean?

Hey, it was you who taught me how to open a safe.

I... That was one of my fondest memories of our time together.

What are you saying? You boosted this from David's safe?

- Frenchy, that's stealing. - Not exactly.

It's a long story, Ray. Let's sell it.

I'll fill you in on the flight to Miami.

Sweetheart, you...

are the greatest.

Oh, baby, what I couldn't do

With plenty of money and you, ooh

In spite of the worry that money brings

Just a little filthy lucre buys a lot of things

And I could take you to places you'd like to go

But outside of that I've no use for dough

It's the root of all evil

Of strife and upheaval

But I'm certain, honey

That life could be sunny

With plenty of money and you

The Champs: "Tequila"

Tequila

DVD Subtitles by European Captioning Institute