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00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:03,835
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:03,836 --> 00:00:06,430
TV ANNOUNCER: We now return
to Doctor Who Farted.
3
00:00:06,431 --> 00:00:09,908
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
4
00:00:09,909 --> 00:00:12,244
Doctor, the alien
attack has begun!
5
00:00:12,245 --> 00:00:14,880
We've got to return
to the 21st century!
6
00:00:14,881 --> 00:00:17,749
Uh... we can't go into
the time machine right now.
7
00:00:17,750 --> 00:00:19,684
But they're going
to kill us all!
8
00:00:19,685 --> 00:00:22,587
All right, all right,
just one second.
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00:00:22,588 --> 00:00:24,555
So, how was your weekend?
10
00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:29,761
I-Is, is it your line?
11
00:00:29,762 --> 00:00:31,463
I don't...
Uh, no, I don't think so.
12
00:00:31,464 --> 00:00:33,198
I'm-I'm sorry,
whose line is it?
13
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:35,767
Cut!
(BELL RINGING)
14
00:00:35,768 --> 00:00:37,802
That was Peter's line.
Where's Peter?
15
00:00:37,803 --> 00:00:41,106
Sorry, I was in my trailer
eating fancy nuts and smoking.
16
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:43,942
(SIGHS) All right,
everybody, take five.
17
00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:47,712
Okay, I'll be in my dressing
room playing online poker.
18
00:00:47,713 --> 00:00:50,649
That's me asking for help.
19
00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:52,617
Hi, I'm James Woods.
20
00:00:52,618 --> 00:00:54,452
You might know me
from banging your niece
21
00:00:54,453 --> 00:00:56,254
on a pile of your brother's
pool equipment.
22
00:00:56,255 --> 00:00:57,789
Or from Salvador.
23
00:00:57,790 --> 00:00:59,591
But tonight,
I'm here to take you
24
00:00:59,592 --> 00:01:02,294
behind the scenes
on the set of Family Guy.
25
00:01:02,295 --> 00:01:04,496
For the first time ever,
you'll see what a typical
26
00:01:04,497 --> 00:01:08,066
production week is like
for TV's 11th favorite family.
27
00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:10,435
So please join me as we go
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00:01:10,436 --> 00:01:12,437
Inside Family Guy.
29
00:01:12,438 --> 00:01:14,405
♪ ♪
30
00:01:18,945 --> 00:01:20,945
(INSTRUMENTAL FAMILY GUY
THEME SONG PLAYS)
31
00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:39,497
It's certainly not easy
being a family
32
00:01:39,498 --> 00:01:42,300
that also happens to star
in a sitcom together.
33
00:01:42,301 --> 00:01:44,035
Especially last year,
when I discovered
34
00:01:44,036 --> 00:01:45,937
those naked pictures
of that 18-year-old intern
35
00:01:45,938 --> 00:01:47,806
on Peter's phone.
36
00:01:47,807 --> 00:01:49,975
But he explained
that his phone number
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00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:52,978
was the old number
of-of her ex-boyfriend,
38
00:01:52,979 --> 00:01:55,280
so... what was it again?
39
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,215
Oh, the Cloud, that's right.
40
00:01:57,216 --> 00:01:59,150
So the photos were on the Cloud,
41
00:01:59,151 --> 00:02:02,120
and that the-the Cloud
pulled the pictures or...?
42
00:02:02,121 --> 00:02:05,457
I mean, even if the pictures had
not been sent directly to him,
43
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,692
and that's why he has them.
44
00:02:07,693 --> 00:02:09,628
And-and we both
called the Apple store,
45
00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:11,696
and they said they can't
disprove that it doesn't happen,
46
00:02:11,697 --> 00:02:15,200
so here we are, still married,
still on the show.
47
00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:18,036
A-And it's happened
five times since then,
48
00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:21,906
and some of the pictures had
both Peter and the girl in them.
49
00:02:21,907 --> 00:02:23,575
Being on this show reminds me
50
00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:25,644
of one of my favorite
quotes from Macbeth.
51
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,012
WOODS:
What's the quote?
52
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:28,079
(CHUCKLES)
Whoa!
53
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,547
I didn't realize
this was a trial.
54
00:02:29,548 --> 00:02:31,716
Objection, Your Honor.
55
00:02:31,717 --> 00:02:33,818
Oh, yeah, it's great, you know,
doing a show with your family.
56
00:02:33,819 --> 00:02:35,820
'Cause what guy doesn't
want to go to his office
57
00:02:35,821 --> 00:02:37,055
and have his family there?
58
00:02:37,056 --> 00:02:38,423
You know, and then you
go home after work
59
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:40,392
and catch up with the family.
60
00:02:40,393 --> 00:02:42,427
- And then, uh,
- next day, same thing.
61
00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:46,331
Just trying to make it to
the weekend, so you can, uh...
62
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,600
spend some time with the family.
63
00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:51,202
Isn't that the dream?
64
00:02:51,203 --> 00:02:52,570
WOODS:
Now, I-I understand the show
65
00:02:52,571 --> 00:02:54,172
was quite different
when it started.
66
00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:57,709
Yeah, in the original pilot,
I was actually the star.
67
00:02:57,710 --> 00:03:01,012
It was called,
CHRIS GRIFFIN: Teen Doctor.
68
00:03:01,013 --> 00:03:04,516
Sir, I'm afraid
I've got some bad news.
69
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:07,452
Well, it can't be any
worse than what's in here.
70
00:03:07,453 --> 00:03:09,888
(STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)
71
00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:11,256
I ad-libbed that line.
72
00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:12,891
I wasn't even supposed to talk.
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00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:14,559
What they didn't know
is that I'd been privately
74
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,028
doing jokes about
the newspaper for years.
75
00:03:17,029 --> 00:03:18,596
But, you know,
it's not just the Griffins
76
00:03:18,597 --> 00:03:21,199
who work hard to make
Family Guy what it is.
77
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,801
Here in the props department,
78
00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:24,669
some sweaty guy
is working on the Petercopter.
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00:03:24,670 --> 00:03:26,104
That's right.
80
00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:28,640
You know, a lot of people
don't realize SEAL Team Six
81
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:31,542
actually completed
their mission in this puppy.
82
00:03:32,645 --> 00:03:34,546
Oh, cool, Family Guy!
83
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,580
Over here!
I'm down here!
84
00:03:37,983 --> 00:03:39,117
Knock-knock?
85
00:03:39,118 --> 00:03:40,719
Yeah?
Hi, Stewie.
86
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,821
Hey, I was just showing
the viewers around Family Guy,
87
00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:46,458
and we thought we'd drop in
and talk to you about the show.
88
00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:47,659
You want to talk
about the show?
89
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:49,461
I'll talk about the show.
The show sucks.
90
00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:51,996
The only reason I stay here
is to maintain my profile
91
00:03:51,997 --> 00:03:55,734
for my start-up business,
DiscreetCrepe.com.
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00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,969
Hi. Are you a straight,
adult male who likes
93
00:03:57,970 --> 00:04:00,238
to eat crepes without people
making unwanted assumptions
94
00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:01,606
about your private life?
95
00:04:01,607 --> 00:04:03,274
Go to DiscreetCrepe.com,
96
00:04:03,275 --> 00:04:05,510
place your order,
and within 30 minutes...
97
00:04:05,511 --> 00:04:07,144
(DOORBELL RINGS)
98
00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:11,850
Very masculine pizza delivery
for Stewie Griffin?
99
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:13,151
Oh, thank you.
100
00:04:13,152 --> 00:04:17,088
Mmm, strawberry-banana Nutella
with raspberry drizzle!
101
00:04:17,089 --> 00:04:19,290
Now I just need a guy's butt
to eat this off of,
102
00:04:19,291 --> 00:04:21,259
and I got myself a night.
103
00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:22,994
But of course,
every episode of Family Guy
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00:04:22,995 --> 00:04:24,696
starts with the writing.
105
00:04:24,697 --> 00:04:28,165
And here we are...
the Family Guy writers' room...
106
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,870
where the writers
are hard at work
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00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:33,638
with the show's
talented cast.
108
00:04:33,639 --> 00:04:35,540
Look, don't get me wrong, guys,
I-I think it's hilarious,
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00:04:35,541 --> 00:04:37,709
and-and I totally get
that the sex thing
110
00:04:37,710 --> 00:04:40,145
is what made me popular,
but would it kill us
111
00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:43,548
to just once tell a joke
that brings glory to God?
112
00:04:43,549 --> 00:04:45,784
Eight years ago, Glenn opened
a restaurant where he was
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00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:48,052
spying on ladies
peeing in the bathroom.
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00:04:48,053 --> 00:04:49,988
As part of the class-action
settlement,
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00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:53,124
he entered rehab,
and that's where he found Jesus.
116
00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:55,527
The restaurant
was called Sprinklers.
117
00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:57,462
That should've been a tip-off.
118
00:04:57,463 --> 00:05:01,199
He still runs Dumpy's, but I'm
pretty sure that one's legit.
119
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,700
WOODS:
As the star of the show,
120
00:05:02,701 --> 00:05:05,537
Peter likes to stay involved
in the writing process.
121
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,372
All right,
butthorns,
122
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:09,541
which one of you idiots
wrote this script?
123
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:11,042
Uh, I did.
124
00:05:11,043 --> 00:05:12,911
Oh, what'd you write it,
like, on a computer?
125
00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:13,978
Yeah.
126
00:05:13,979 --> 00:05:15,580
So you know a lot
about computers?
127
00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:17,048
Yeah.
128
00:05:17,049 --> 00:05:19,317
Can you show me how to turn off
the flashlight on my phone?
129
00:05:19,318 --> 00:05:21,219
(BEEPS)
Don't touch my phone!
130
00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:23,555
And another thing, I read
this piece of garbage script.
131
00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:25,056
It's only one page.
132
00:05:25,057 --> 00:05:26,191
That's never gonna cut it.
133
00:05:26,192 --> 00:05:27,859
Uh, that's
just the cover.
134
00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:30,495
You can turn the page,
like this.
135
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,897
Well, why you hiding all these
pages behind the first page?!
136
00:05:32,898 --> 00:05:34,232
What's wrong with them?!
137
00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:35,834
Stand by your work
or get out!
138
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,335
Now, spit in each
other's mouths.
139
00:05:37,336 --> 00:05:38,903
(WRITERS SPITTING)
140
00:05:38,904 --> 00:05:42,073
You know I'm only tough on you
'cause I hate you, right?
141
00:05:42,074 --> 00:05:44,943
Yeah, over the years, Peter's
become just a total nightmare.
142
00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:46,878
I mean, you know,
he's not Jim Belushi.
143
00:05:46,879 --> 00:05:48,913
He's not peeing
in Snapple bottles on set,
144
00:05:48,914 --> 00:05:50,949
which is, like,
a totally real thing.
145
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:52,784
But he-he's-he's pretty bad.
146
00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:55,186
Dad refuses to interact
with any actors on set.
147
00:05:55,187 --> 00:05:57,088
He'll only rehearse
with helium balloons
148
00:05:57,089 --> 00:05:59,457
with crudely drawn faces
on them.
149
00:05:59,458 --> 00:06:01,092
I'm sorry, Meg,
but you're grounded.
150
00:06:01,093 --> 00:06:03,094
MEG: But, Dad,
the prom is tonight. Over.
151
00:06:03,095 --> 00:06:04,429
(STATIC CRACKLES)
152
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:06,130
LOIS: You heard
your father, Meg. Over.
153
00:06:06,131 --> 00:06:08,132
(STATIC CRACKLES)
(KNOCKING)
154
00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:09,801
JOE: Peter, you ready
to hit the Drunken Clam?
155
00:06:09,802 --> 00:06:11,870
Over.
(STATIC CRACKLES)
156
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:15,039
It's difficult having to give up
my chair for the balloon.
157
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,575
But that's the business
we call "show."
158
00:06:17,576 --> 00:06:20,211
Excuse me, Joe.
159
00:06:20,212 --> 00:06:22,313
The Fat Man's behavior
has been deteriorating
160
00:06:22,314 --> 00:06:23,615
for quite some time.
161
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:25,750
And I think someone may have
162
00:06:25,751 --> 00:06:28,887
placed an anonymous phone call
to the network about it.
163
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,854
STEWIE (FALSETTO):
164
00:06:43,402 --> 00:06:46,137
Word around the stage is they've
decided to finally fire Peter
165
00:06:46,138 --> 00:06:48,006
and replace him
with another actor.
166
00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:49,474
And this time, it's permanent.
167
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:51,776
Not like when we killed off
Brian for a few episodes,
168
00:06:51,777 --> 00:06:54,913
so he could shoot that crappy
movie... what was it?
169
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,148
It was a remake of Old Yeller
where the dog
170
00:06:57,149 --> 00:06:59,017
gets the drop on him
and kills him first.
171
00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:01,319
I'm sorry.
172
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:04,489
No, I'm sorry.
173
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:05,789
(GRUNTING)
174
00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:11,529
They miscalculated the number
of dogs who buy movie tickets.
175
00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:13,331
It's actually
pretty awkward.
176
00:07:13,332 --> 00:07:15,300
I mean, Dad's the only one
in the whole production
177
00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:17,001
who doesn't know
he's being fired.
178
00:07:17,002 --> 00:07:19,603
But he'll find out tomorrow
at the table read.
179
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:25,343
This is how we did that.
180
00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:27,311
Bet you didn't know.
181
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,387
(LOW, INDISTINCT CHATTER)
182
00:07:36,388 --> 00:07:39,223
The table read is where the
Family Guy cast reads aloud
183
00:07:39,224 --> 00:07:41,225
that week's script
to see how the story
184
00:07:41,226 --> 00:07:43,227
and the jokes are working.
185
00:07:43,228 --> 00:07:46,898
And where Peter will learn
he's being written off the show.
186
00:07:46,899 --> 00:07:49,701
Okay, everybody, welcome to
the table read for this week's
187
00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:53,671
episode, entitled, "Peter Dies
(We're Really Serious, No Joke,
188
00:07:53,672 --> 00:07:56,074
He's Dead
and Never Coming Back)."
189
00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:58,076
Oh, and there's other pages.
You got to turn them.
190
00:07:58,077 --> 00:07:59,544
Here, let me show you.
191
00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:01,746
"Interior, Griffins'
living room, day.
192
00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:03,982
"Brian, Meg and Chris watch TV.
193
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,817
Lois enters, upset."
194
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:07,552
You guys, I have terrible news!
195
00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:09,320
Your father is dead.
196
00:08:09,321 --> 00:08:11,889
He was shot in the head
while killing himself.
197
00:08:11,890 --> 00:08:13,891
I suppose he had his demons.
198
00:08:13,892 --> 00:08:15,593
And his enemies.
199
00:08:15,594 --> 00:08:17,028
Wait, I'm... I'm what?
200
00:08:17,029 --> 00:08:18,396
Oh-oh, I know.
201
00:08:18,397 --> 00:08:20,698
Stewie's gonna fire up
his time machine and undo this.
202
00:08:20,699 --> 00:08:22,100
DIRECTOR:
"Stewie enters."
203
00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:23,334
Brian, bad news.
204
00:08:23,335 --> 00:08:24,936
My time machine got a virus
205
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:27,405
that causes Dad to die again
if it's ever used.
206
00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:28,740
Oh, wait, you know what?
207
00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:30,575
I-I bet this
is all Chris' dream.
208
00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:32,910
Wow, I am wide awake!
209
00:08:32,911 --> 00:08:34,679
Okay, but there's
no way this is real.
210
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:37,081
They'd have to bring in
someone to replace me.
211
00:08:37,082 --> 00:08:38,850
"Uncle Ricky,
played by sitcom buzzard
212
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,918
David Spade, enters."
213
00:08:40,919 --> 00:08:42,120
Hi, everybody.
214
00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:44,122
ALL:
Uncle Ricky!
215
00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:45,923
Hey guys,
a time period called.
216
00:08:45,924 --> 00:08:47,592
They want an object back.
217
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:49,293
(LAUGHTER)
218
00:08:49,294 --> 00:08:51,796
Aw, do we have
to go to Dad's funeral?
219
00:08:51,797 --> 00:08:54,732
Let's just play
with Uncle Ricky instead.
220
00:08:54,733 --> 00:08:55,933
"The family cheers.
221
00:08:55,934 --> 00:08:57,701
They do not miss Peter."
222
00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:03,975
I'm sorry, Peter,
but the production
223
00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:06,577
just can't deal
with all your nonsense anymore.
224
00:09:06,578 --> 00:09:07,712
We're letting you go.
225
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:09,080
Oh, please,
don't do this!
226
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:10,581
I'm begging you, just
give me one more chance!
227
00:09:10,582 --> 00:09:13,084
(SIGHS)
Okay, fine.
228
00:09:13,085 --> 00:09:14,552
(BLEEP)
229
00:09:14,553 --> 00:09:17,155
All right, that's it,
you're fired!
230
00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:18,923
And you guys are
all okay with this?!
231
00:09:18,924 --> 00:09:20,625
I'm sorry,
sweetheart.
232
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:22,226
This is painful
for all of us,
233
00:09:22,227 --> 00:09:24,595
but we just don't
see another option.
234
00:09:24,596 --> 00:09:25,963
Yeah, Peter, we love you,
235
00:09:25,964 --> 00:09:27,331
and-and you're
still part of the family,
236
00:09:27,332 --> 00:09:29,467
just not part of the show.
237
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:30,802
Look, I don't know
who brought this on,
238
00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:32,303
but maybe it's for the best.
239
00:09:32,304 --> 00:09:34,505
All right, fine,
you bastards can fire me,
240
00:09:34,506 --> 00:09:36,974
but at least I'm leaving
with my dignity.
241
00:09:36,975 --> 00:09:40,043
♪ ♪
242
00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:53,490
Have a good life, Mr. G.
243
00:09:54,993 --> 00:09:56,529
Your penis is out.
244
00:09:57,633 --> 00:10:00,218
Welcome back
to Inside Family Guy.
245
00:10:00,219 --> 00:10:02,686
I'm your host and angel investor
to the Fappening,
246
00:10:02,687 --> 00:10:04,119
James Woods.
247
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,520
Boy, we picked
quite a week to document
248
00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:08,101
the production
of a Family Guy episode.
249
00:10:08,102 --> 00:10:10,904
Yesterday, Peter Griffin
was fired from the show
250
00:10:10,905 --> 00:10:13,279
and replaced by David Spade.
251
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,448
Given this surprising
development,
252
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:18,668
we decided to follow Peter,
and see if our cameras
253
00:10:18,669 --> 00:10:21,170
could capture his story,
as well.
254
00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:23,373
We caught up with Peter
at Hollywood's legendary
255
00:10:23,374 --> 00:10:26,142
Chateau Marmont Hotel,
where I once engaged
256
00:10:26,143 --> 00:10:28,691
in the consensual murder
of an underaged prostitute.
257
00:10:28,855 --> 00:10:30,155
WOODS:
So, what's your plan?
258
00:10:30,157 --> 00:10:32,092
Are you going to be
staying here for awhile?
259
00:10:32,093 --> 00:10:33,760
Yeah, well, I figured if
my family doesn't want me
260
00:10:33,761 --> 00:10:36,229
on the show, there's no reason
I should keep living with them.
261
00:10:36,230 --> 00:10:39,232
I-I mean, there's no hard
feelings, um, I just feel like
262
00:10:39,233 --> 00:10:43,036
this is best for me, and this is
best for those cancerous dicks.
263
00:10:43,037 --> 00:10:45,171
And what's next
for Peter Griffin?
264
00:10:45,172 --> 00:10:47,407
Well, starting tomorrow,
I'm getting back out there.
265
00:10:47,408 --> 00:10:49,743
I already got an audition
to be the caring dad
266
00:10:49,744 --> 00:10:51,678
for a Cheerios commercial.
267
00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:52,679
Hey, Dad?
268
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:53,713
Yeah, bud?
269
00:10:53,714 --> 00:10:54,748
When you were a kid,
270
00:10:54,749 --> 00:10:56,716
what did you want to be
when you grew up?
271
00:10:56,717 --> 00:10:58,585
Well, I wanted
to be a rock star.
272
00:10:58,586 --> 00:11:00,120
Why didn't you
become one?
273
00:11:00,121 --> 00:11:01,387
'Cause of you, bud.
274
00:11:01,388 --> 00:11:03,923
I smiled at one girl
in a cell phone store,
275
00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:05,859
and now here I am,
stuck eating cereal
276
00:11:05,860 --> 00:11:07,060
for dinner with a kid.
277
00:11:07,061 --> 00:11:09,963
You'll always be
a rock star to me, Dad.
278
00:11:09,964 --> 00:11:11,764
You ruined my life.
279
00:11:13,601 --> 00:11:15,534
I'm going to bed.
280
00:11:18,906 --> 00:11:20,807
(FUNKY BASS MUSIC PLAYS)
281
00:11:20,808 --> 00:11:23,810
Wednesdays are rehearsal
days here at Family Guy
282
00:11:23,811 --> 00:11:25,945
and the first rehearsal
with David Spade
283
00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:28,046
appears to be
going very well.
284
00:11:30,151 --> 00:11:31,551
"Uncle Ricky,
285
00:11:31,552 --> 00:11:34,120
what are all these strippers
doing in our house?"
286
00:11:34,121 --> 00:11:36,422
"Uh... each other?"
287
00:11:36,423 --> 00:11:38,458
Hmm?
288
00:11:38,459 --> 00:11:40,460
(LAUGHS)
289
00:11:40,461 --> 00:11:41,828
Oh, my God!
290
00:11:41,829 --> 00:11:43,096
(LAUGHING):
I'm sorry, I just...
291
00:11:43,097 --> 00:11:44,130
(LAUGHS)
292
00:11:44,131 --> 00:11:45,799
Did you see
the way he smirked?
293
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,802
He's like a naughty
53-year-old boy.
294
00:11:48,803 --> 00:11:49,903
Who is this guy?
295
00:11:49,904 --> 00:11:51,171
I'm not familiar with him.
296
00:11:51,172 --> 00:11:53,306
That's David Spade
from Just Shoot Me!
297
00:11:53,307 --> 00:11:54,774
I don't know that one.
298
00:11:54,775 --> 00:11:56,609
He was in Grown Ups,Joe Dirt,
299
00:11:56,610 --> 00:11:57,944
Saturday Night Live.
300
00:11:57,945 --> 00:11:59,245
Saturday what how?
301
00:11:59,246 --> 00:12:01,347
And he was also in some
movie called Senseless.
302
00:12:01,348 --> 00:12:02,582
With Marlon Wayans?
303
00:12:02,583 --> 00:12:05,819
Oh, yeah, he played
Scott Thorpe.
304
00:12:05,820 --> 00:12:08,454
Donna, I'm here
with Scott Thorpe.
305
00:12:08,455 --> 00:12:10,348
That's right,
from Senseless.
306
00:12:14,361 --> 00:12:16,930
Yeah, I got to be honest,
I'm having a blast.
307
00:12:16,931 --> 00:12:19,165
You know, now that
I'm not tied down by the show,
308
00:12:19,166 --> 00:12:21,835
it's given me more time
to pursue my true passion:
309
00:12:21,836 --> 00:12:24,337
weaving sexually
explicit tapestries
310
00:12:24,338 --> 00:12:25,804
featuring the Minions.
311
00:12:30,644 --> 00:12:33,445
Did you have any questions
about the artist?
312
00:12:37,384 --> 00:12:40,119
Thursdays at Family Guy
are reserved for shooting
313
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:43,189
all those flashbacks and
cutaway gags we love so much,
314
00:12:43,190 --> 00:12:44,691
and what most people don't know
315
00:12:44,692 --> 00:12:48,127
is that all these gags
are directed by James Cameron.
316
00:12:48,128 --> 00:12:49,629
What's that?
317
00:12:49,630 --> 00:12:50,864
I'm sorry.
(CHUCKLES)
318
00:12:50,865 --> 00:12:52,665
Apparently,
I misread the cue card.
319
00:12:52,666 --> 00:12:55,401
They're directed by James,
the cameraman.
320
00:12:55,402 --> 00:12:57,370
Tell us, how'd
you get the gig?
321
00:12:57,371 --> 00:13:00,807
I sell Vicodin to
some of the producers.
322
00:13:00,808 --> 00:13:03,209
What a wonderful
Hollywood story.
323
00:13:03,210 --> 00:13:05,511
You know, many viewers
think our cutaways
324
00:13:05,512 --> 00:13:07,814
are just whipped together,
but they actually
325
00:13:07,815 --> 00:13:11,317
go through a rigorous
testing process before filming.
326
00:13:11,318 --> 00:13:13,720
This is the planet Jew-piter,
327
00:13:13,721 --> 00:13:17,156
and he could say,
"Next year is my star mitzvah."
328
00:13:17,157 --> 00:13:18,591
(LAUGHS)
329
00:13:18,592 --> 00:13:19,659
They love it.
330
00:13:19,660 --> 00:13:21,394
Tell the director.
Where is he?
331
00:13:21,395 --> 00:13:23,830
It says don't take
it with alcohol,
332
00:13:23,831 --> 00:13:25,899
but you should take
it with alcohol.
333
00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:27,066
Yeah, duh.
334
00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:29,736
I also need a couple for
the girl I'm babysitting.
335
00:13:29,737 --> 00:13:33,873
Meanwhile, David Spade is
making lots of friends on set.
336
00:13:33,874 --> 00:13:36,075
Yeah, I'll definitely
talk to the writers.
337
00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:38,111
I agree, there's a lot
about your character
338
00:13:38,112 --> 00:13:39,245
that's still untapped.
339
00:13:39,246 --> 00:13:41,080
Okay, thank you, because,
340
00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:42,849
like, yes, I'm greased-up
341
00:13:42,850 --> 00:13:45,351
and, yes, I'm deaf,
but what else am I?
342
00:13:45,352 --> 00:13:46,352
Totally.
343
00:13:46,353 --> 00:13:47,553
Thanks, man.
344
00:13:47,554 --> 00:13:48,721
DIRECTOR:
Okay, we're ready for you.
345
00:13:48,722 --> 00:13:51,224
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE):
I'll be right there.
346
00:13:51,225 --> 00:13:52,892
Who's the new kid?
347
00:13:52,893 --> 00:13:55,094
Hot-chee-wawa!
348
00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:58,698
Unfortunately, things aren't
going quite so well for Peter.
349
00:13:58,699 --> 00:14:00,400
(PHONE RINGS)
350
00:14:00,401 --> 00:14:04,270
Yeah, it's an '09,
fully loaded, extra cool A/C.
351
00:14:04,271 --> 00:14:05,738
Great.
352
00:14:05,739 --> 00:14:08,374
I just made $500
flipping a Honda.
353
00:14:08,375 --> 00:14:09,976
All I did was
Armor-All the dash.
354
00:14:09,977 --> 00:14:11,277
Boom.
355
00:14:11,278 --> 00:14:13,245
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
356
00:14:14,782 --> 00:14:16,249
Hey, any mail for me?
357
00:14:16,250 --> 00:14:18,251
Yes, your death
threats to Grimace
358
00:14:18,252 --> 00:14:19,419
have all been returned.
359
00:14:19,420 --> 00:14:21,921
Well, has the Shamrock Shake
period been extended?
360
00:14:21,922 --> 00:14:23,489
I believe that's
still seasonal,
361
00:14:23,490 --> 00:14:25,925
but while I have you,
your bill remains unpaid,
362
00:14:25,926 --> 00:14:28,428
and we saw you selling
our robes on eBay.
363
00:14:28,429 --> 00:14:30,596
I'm afraid we're evicting
you from the hotel.
364
00:14:30,597 --> 00:14:32,265
What's your
home address?
365
00:14:32,266 --> 00:14:33,499
I'm sorry, sir.
366
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,268
Now do you want to
leave the regular way,
367
00:14:35,269 --> 00:14:37,403
or do you want our Uncle
Phil to throw you out?
368
00:14:37,404 --> 00:14:40,106
I think you know
what I want.
369
00:14:40,107 --> 00:14:41,774
(SHOUTS)
370
00:14:41,775 --> 00:14:43,643
(STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)
371
00:14:43,644 --> 00:14:47,080
(DISTANT SIREN WAILING)
372
00:14:47,081 --> 00:14:49,081
(HINGES CREAKING)
373
00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:51,417
Door was unlocked.
374
00:14:51,418 --> 00:14:52,617
I'm sure that's fine.
375
00:14:54,955 --> 00:14:57,190
Well, this seems like
a really cheery place,
376
00:14:57,191 --> 00:14:59,826
and looks like some guy
named Brooks was here,
377
00:14:59,827 --> 00:15:02,195
and I think this is gonna
work out just great.
378
00:15:02,196 --> 00:15:04,364
WOODS: You don't miss your
show or your family at all?
379
00:15:04,365 --> 00:15:06,099
Of course I miss my family
380
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:09,435
but everything comes to an end
eventually, a-and you just...
381
00:15:09,436 --> 00:15:11,604
you just got to keep
moving forward.
382
00:15:11,605 --> 00:15:12,939
Are you gonna
be all right?
383
00:15:12,940 --> 00:15:14,340
Oh, yeah, yeah.
384
00:15:14,341 --> 00:15:16,843
I-in fact, I was just about
to melt some cheese on chips
385
00:15:16,844 --> 00:15:19,612
if you want to stay
for a sad, single guy dinner.
386
00:15:19,613 --> 00:15:20,913
You going oven
or microwave?
387
00:15:20,914 --> 00:15:22,181
Uh, microwave.
388
00:15:22,182 --> 00:15:23,749
I don't know how
to turn on the oven.
389
00:15:25,219 --> 00:15:27,687
Those, uh, chips are
gonna be chewy, Peter.
390
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,442
Friday night is tape night
here at Family Guy,
391
00:15:35,443 --> 00:15:39,279
but tonight they'll be filming
the show without Peter Griffin.
392
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,614
I have to admit,
it's a little strange
393
00:15:41,615 --> 00:15:43,283
taping a show without Peter.
394
00:15:43,284 --> 00:15:45,118
It-it just doesn't feel right.
395
00:15:45,119 --> 00:15:47,320
I'm especially going
to miss the Fat Man's bit
396
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:48,555
with the audience where he fires
397
00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:50,457
the T-shirt cannon
at his own head.
398
00:15:50,458 --> 00:15:53,159
You know he once tried to hold
up a store with that thing?
399
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,228
(BELL JINGLES) All right,
everybody on the floor.
400
00:15:55,229 --> 00:15:56,296
Empty the register.
401
00:15:56,297 --> 00:15:57,330
Please, don't do this!
402
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:58,331
Oh, yeah?
403
00:15:58,332 --> 00:15:59,499
You want to be a hero?
404
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,401
Here's what
happens to heroes.
405
00:16:01,402 --> 00:16:03,136
Anybody else want
to be a hero?
406
00:16:03,137 --> 00:16:04,204
Ooh, me, me, me!
407
00:16:04,205 --> 00:16:05,805
Over here!
Over here!
408
00:16:05,806 --> 00:16:08,375
And with regard
to Peter's replacement, well,
409
00:16:08,376 --> 00:16:10,643
as his parents and
previous co-stars have learned,
410
00:16:10,644 --> 00:16:14,080
a little of David Spade
goes a long way.
411
00:16:14,081 --> 00:16:16,316
David, the line is,
"What's for dinner?"
412
00:16:16,317 --> 00:16:17,484
Go again.
413
00:16:17,485 --> 00:16:19,519
What's for dinner?
414
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,254
Hmm?
415
00:16:21,255 --> 00:16:22,255
(SIGHS)
416
00:16:22,256 --> 00:16:23,823
Okay, we can trim
that in editing.
417
00:16:23,824 --> 00:16:25,525
He's getting on people's nerves.
418
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:28,728
I mean, there's only so many
jars I can open for one man.
419
00:16:28,729 --> 00:16:30,830
DAVID:
Lois, I want pickles!
420
00:16:30,831 --> 00:16:32,065
Coming!
421
00:16:32,066 --> 00:16:35,168
He has tiny hands
but when one of my rings
422
00:16:35,169 --> 00:16:37,370
went down the drain,
he got it right out.
423
00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:39,239
WOODS:
Meanwhile, Peter has wound up
424
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,741
here at the Chinese Theatre,
where panhandlers
425
00:16:41,742 --> 00:16:43,777
dress up like
iconic movie characters
426
00:16:43,778 --> 00:16:45,945
and charge tourists for photos.
427
00:16:45,946 --> 00:16:48,248
It's even seedier
than it sounds.
428
00:16:48,249 --> 00:16:49,783
Step right up,
get your picture taken
429
00:16:49,784 --> 00:16:52,352
with beloved comic
icon, Little Lotta.
430
00:16:52,353 --> 00:16:53,319
Just two dollars.
431
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:54,354
Who are you?
432
00:16:54,355 --> 00:16:55,522
Uh, Little Lotta?
433
00:16:55,523 --> 00:16:57,290
She was friends
with Audrey and Dot.
434
00:16:57,291 --> 00:16:58,691
Never heard of her.
435
00:16:58,692 --> 00:17:00,492
(GROANS)
436
00:17:03,531 --> 00:17:05,532
(EXCITED CHATTERING,
CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
437
00:17:05,533 --> 00:17:07,233
That's it.
Screw this.
438
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:10,502
I am taking back my TV show
and my family.
439
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,873
Ah, we just missed her.
440
00:17:18,446 --> 00:17:21,281
Hey, Smitty, I'm here
to get my show back.
441
00:17:21,282 --> 00:17:23,883
I'm sorry, Mr. Griffin,
but we have specific orders
442
00:17:23,884 --> 00:17:25,418
not to let you
onto the lot.
443
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:26,486
Seriously?
444
00:17:26,487 --> 00:17:28,221
Well, I suppose,
you could come inside
445
00:17:28,222 --> 00:17:29,589
if you had an
idea for a show
446
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:31,223
the heads of the
network wanted to buy.
447
00:17:32,393 --> 00:17:34,260
Bumblr with a Tumblr.
448
00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:35,295
So, you see, he's got
449
00:17:35,296 --> 00:17:37,397
a Tumblr account
and he's clumsy.
450
00:17:37,398 --> 00:17:39,632
We really like the idea
that the words rhyme.
451
00:17:39,633 --> 00:17:42,068
Absolutely,
but just a thought:
452
00:17:42,069 --> 00:17:44,571
what if he doesn't bumble?
453
00:17:44,572 --> 00:17:47,340
Um... I-I guess so.
454
00:17:47,341 --> 00:17:50,109
And are we married
to the Tumblr account?
455
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:53,313
They bought the pitch, but, um,
after a series of network notes,
456
00:17:53,314 --> 00:17:56,749
Bumblr with a Tumblr eventually
aired as Bamblr with a Famblr,
457
00:17:56,750 --> 00:18:00,153
which made sense to nobody and
is now in its third season.
458
00:18:00,154 --> 00:18:02,322
It did also get me on the lot.
459
00:18:02,323 --> 00:18:04,257
All right,
stop the show!
460
00:18:04,258 --> 00:18:05,258
Dad!
461
00:18:05,259 --> 00:18:06,626
That's right,
I'm back!
462
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:09,095
And, Chris, I brought you
a T-shirt of Kermit the Frog
463
00:18:09,096 --> 00:18:10,430
acting like a hip-hop guy.
464
00:18:10,431 --> 00:18:11,998
That's so dope.
465
00:18:11,999 --> 00:18:13,633
Don't put it on.
It'll fall apart,
466
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:16,503
but listen, everybody,
I realized something.
467
00:18:16,504 --> 00:18:19,439
I've been a real jerk...
to you guys, and to all
468
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,274
the union fat asses
that I assume do something
469
00:18:21,275 --> 00:18:22,675
to keep this thing going.
470
00:18:22,676 --> 00:18:25,912
The fact is, I got
too big for my britches,
471
00:18:25,913 --> 00:18:29,349
but I know now that I'm
nothing without all of you.
472
00:18:29,350 --> 00:18:31,117
Aw, that's nice
of you to say.
473
00:18:31,118 --> 00:18:33,319
Thank you, Stewie,
who I can understand,
474
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:36,890
and if you guys can find it
in your hearts to take me back,
475
00:18:36,891 --> 00:18:39,359
well, then I promise that
every day I'll prove to you
476
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:43,029
how much the show, and how much
my family, means to me.
477
00:18:43,030 --> 00:18:44,130
Oh, Peter.
478
00:18:44,131 --> 00:18:46,366
Of course we'll take you back.
479
00:18:46,367 --> 00:18:48,468
Oh, welcome back, buddy.
480
00:18:48,469 --> 00:18:49,869
We missed you so much.
481
00:18:49,870 --> 00:18:54,040
My online poker problem
is burning like a wildfire.
482
00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:55,542
Well, there's
only one problem.
483
00:18:55,543 --> 00:18:56,576
What's that?
484
00:18:56,577 --> 00:18:58,545
What are we gonna do
about David Spade?
485
00:18:58,546 --> 00:19:00,380
Don't worry, I already
took care of that.
486
00:19:00,381 --> 00:19:02,815
I got Sofía Vergara deported.
487
00:19:02,816 --> 00:19:05,718
Hey, everyone,
cuchi, cuchi.
488
00:19:05,719 --> 00:19:07,487
I'm your mother now.
489
00:19:07,488 --> 00:19:09,422
So, all right,
let's do a show.
490
00:19:09,423 --> 00:19:11,391
Oh, wait,
if my character's still alive,
491
00:19:11,392 --> 00:19:13,192
that means we don't have
a script to shoot.
492
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:14,394
Oh, look at this.
493
00:19:14,395 --> 00:19:15,895
We just happen to have
494
00:19:15,896 --> 00:19:18,164
a whole extra
script right here.
495
00:19:18,165 --> 00:19:19,599
"Pete, Don't
Fail Me Now."
496
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:20,667
(GASPS)
497
00:19:20,668 --> 00:19:22,669
Sounds like I might
be a teacher.
498
00:19:22,670 --> 00:19:25,171
Oh, I have a goatee up
till the first commercial,
499
00:19:25,172 --> 00:19:26,739
and then I'm a teacher.
500
00:19:26,740 --> 00:19:28,608
Every week, Peter becomes a diva
501
00:19:28,609 --> 00:19:31,544
so the writers write
a fake script, killing him off.
502
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:34,213
He storms out,
then by Friday's taping,
503
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:37,250
comes crawling back,
and we shoot the real script.
504
00:19:37,251 --> 00:19:39,052
Of course,
he always forgets by Monday,
505
00:19:39,053 --> 00:19:41,287
and then he becomes
a pain in the ass again.
506
00:19:41,288 --> 00:19:43,556
Does it bother me that
he does this every week?
507
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:47,460
Uh, why don't you ask my Camaro?
508
00:19:47,461 --> 00:19:50,930
WOODS: So, I guess this actually
was a very typical week
509
00:19:50,931 --> 00:19:52,699
on the set of Family Guy.
510
00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,233
Thanks for joining us.
511
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:57,303
I'm James Woods, and we'll
close tonight with a supercut
512
00:19:57,304 --> 00:19:59,906
of every time in the show's
history that Peter got hit
513
00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,908
in the crotch
with a bag of nickels.
514
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,209
Ow!
515
00:20:03,210 --> 00:20:04,010
(GRUNTS)
516
00:20:04,011 --> 00:20:05,311
(GROANS)
517
00:20:05,312 --> 00:20:06,646
Damn it.
518
00:20:06,647 --> 00:20:07,647
Oh!
519
00:20:07,648 --> 00:20:09,248
(ALL LAUGHING)
520
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:10,283
Why?!
521
00:20:10,284 --> 00:20:11,618
Hey, Lois, you should do
522
00:20:11,619 --> 00:20:12,619
that thing that
I like... (SHOUTS)
523
00:20:12,620 --> 00:20:13,720
Hey, kids, have you
seen my wallet?
524
00:20:13,721 --> 00:20:14,887
Oh, nickels!
525
00:20:14,888 --> 00:20:16,723
Son of a bitch!
526
00:20:16,724 --> 00:20:17,757
PETER:
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
527
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:19,125
we have now reached
our cruising...
528
00:20:19,126 --> 00:20:20,126
Ah, damn it!
529
00:20:20,127 --> 00:20:21,794
Boy, can't beat
this weather...
530
00:20:21,795 --> 00:20:23,396
(SHOUTS)
Who is that kid?
531
00:20:23,397 --> 00:20:24,964
(GRUNTS)
532
00:20:24,965 --> 00:20:26,065
Hello?
533
00:20:26,066 --> 00:20:27,266
Uh, hang on, I'll check.
534
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:28,901
Phone call for
"a bag of nickels"?
535
00:20:28,902 --> 00:20:29,902
(SHOUTS)
536
00:20:29,903 --> 00:20:31,638
(GROANS)
537
00:20:31,639 --> 00:20:33,106
At least he was alone.
538
00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:34,641
They usually travel in threes.
539
00:20:34,642 --> 00:20:36,142
Ow! Crap.
540
00:20:36,143 --> 00:20:38,144
♪ B-B-B-Bird, bird, bird,
b-b-b-bird... ♪
541
00:20:38,145 --> 00:20:39,312
Ah, nickels!
542
00:20:39,313 --> 00:20:41,014
(SHOUTS)
543
00:20:41,015 --> 00:20:42,982
(GROANS)
544
00:20:42,983 --> 00:20:44,083
Oh, damn it!
545
00:20:44,084 --> 00:20:45,785
Do you think I'm ever
gonna be able to have...
546
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,153
(GRUNTS)
(LAUGHS)
547
00:20:48,107 --> 00:20:48,987
Ow!
548
00:20:49,034 --> 00:20:53,104
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
40722
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