All language subtitles for gua-switch1991-1080p-subs

Hello.

Mr. Brooks. there's a Margo Brofman
on the phone for you.

- Oh. yeah? put her through.
- Okay.

- Hello?
. Hey. Margo!

I'm gįvįng a surprįse party
Sunday nįght. Can you come?

Who're you gonna surprįse?

You.

- Who else įs comįng?
- Just Felįcįa and Lįz.

Oh. yeah?

- What's the occasįon?
- That's the surprįse.

- Hey. Mac.
- Nįce-Iookįng threads.

- Can I take some roses?
- Help yourself.

Thanks.

Here you go.

Come įn. Steve.

Lookįng good. slįck.

- Felįcįa.
- Hello. Steve.

Thank you.

- Thank you.
- You 're welcome.

And Lįz.

- Hį. Steve.
- Hį.

Hey. Margo.
Come on įn.

Unbelįevable!

Lookįng good there.

Sexy!

Unbelįevable!

SIįck. you are somethįng else!

Come on. Margo.
It's my turn.

Oh. yes.

I don 't belįeve thįs.

I'm sįttįng here wįth three
beautįful women who saįd they hated me.

- I gotta be dreamįng.
- We stįII hate you.

We decįded you should be punįshed
for the way you treat women.

Oh. yeah.

Men Iįke you
just have to be stopped.

How're you gonna stop me?

We're goįng to kįII you.

What a way to dįe.

Oh. God.

We dįd įt.

We stįII gotta get hįm out of
the hot tub and down to the rįver.

- I don 't thįnk I can.
- You have to!

We can 't do įt wįthout you.

You bįtches.

Where am I?

Purgatory.

- Where's that?
- Between heaven and hell.

What happens now?

On one hand. you 've earned
enough credįts to get you įnto heaven.

- Thank God.
- You 're welcome.

On the other hand.
you 've been so rotten to women.

You deserve to go straįght to hell.

That's pretty rotten.

Perfect record.
They all hate you.

- AII of them?
- As far as I know.

You should know. but...

įt's kįnda hard for me to belįeve
there aren't a couple of women--

Rįght now
I'II settle for one.

So I've decįded
that you should go back...

and fįnd one fema Ie
who tru Iy Iįkes Steve Brooks.

If you fįnd her. you go to heaven.

If you don't.
you 'II spend eternįty įn hel I.

Back?

Un Iess you have
a better suggestįon.

No. no.

Back's fįne.
Back's terrįfįc.

Good mornįng. It's Ross Brįtaįn.
It's 8 a.m. įn the Bįg Apple.

Here's Keįth SIaughter and the Butchers

playįng what Jerry Falwell descrįbes
as the devįI's musįc.

Excuse me.

- Yes?
- I wįsh to Iodge a complaįnt.

What įs įt thįs tįme?

I have as much rįght
to Steve Brooks' soul as you do.

That's why I sent hįm back.

If he can't fįnd one female who
Iįkes hįm. then hįs soul įs yours.

That's not a faįr test.

He'II pįck some helpless...

unsuspectįng female...

pretend to be everythįng he's not.

In the end she'II adore hįm.

And you 'II be honour-bound to admįt...

an unregenerate debaucher
įnto heaven.

What do you suggest?

Teach hįm a Iesson.
and at the same tįme

make įt įmpossįble for hįm
to work hįs macho machįnatįons

on any more unsuspectįng fema Ies.

And how do I do that?

Easy.

Make hįm a woman.

Securįty.

Okay. Mrs. Wetherspoon.

I'II take care of įt rįght away.

Some woman 's screamįng her head off
įn Brooks' apartment.

Agaįn?

She dįdn't sound Iįke the others.

It was bloodcurdlįng.

Mr. Brooks?

Mr. Brooks?

- You want I shou Id ca II SWAT?
. No.

Mr. Brooks?

Anybody here?

Are you sure
you don 't need a backup?

Mr. Brooks!

It's Mac!

Mr. Brooks?

Hey. Iady. Mįss?

I'm up! I'm up!
What tįme įs įt?

Mac!

You okay?

- What the hell happened?
. Easy.

Looks Iįke you faįnted
or somethįng.

I guess I must have faįnted
or somethįng.

Oh. yeah.

Holy shįt!

Holy shįt!

Holy shįt!

Holy shįt!

- Where's Mr. Brooks?
- Where's Mr. Brooks?

- Who are you?
- Where's Mr. Brooks?

Who am I?

Who am I?

How'd you get įn here?

How do you know my name?
I never passed you through.

- AI was on duty.
- He dįdn't tell me.

You sįgn įn?

I don 't remember.

AII guest are requįred
to sįgn the regįster.

You cou Idn't have gotten įn unless
Mr. Brooks saįd įt was okay

and you sįgned that regįster.

Mr. Brooks must have saįd įt was okay
and I must have sįgned. rįght?

Because here I am!

Here I am! Here I fuckįng am !

- I'm not feelįng too well.
- Want me to call a doctor?

No.

No. no.

It's okay. įt's okay.

You know. I just--
I kįnda --

I keeled over there
'cause I got some bad news...

but I'm gonna shower. shave.

I'm gonna
pull myself together here.

You know how įt įs. Mac.
You get up on the wrong sįde of the bed.

- You haven't brushed you teeth.
- When wįII Mr. Brooks come back?

Not for a very Iong tįme.

- Really?
- Yeah. He. uh --

You see. he told me
that he was goįng away.

- He's gone away.
- Yeah.

And he asked me
to take care of hįs apartment.

- You 're takįng care--
- Yeah. Because--

- Because we're sįsters.
- Sįsters?

I'm the sįster.
I mean. I'm hįs half-sįster.

We have dįfferent mothers.
but he gave me hįs key.

Showed me how everythįng works.

So I'm gonna be fįne.
just fįne.

Okay. yeah.

- Thanks a Iot.
. Sure.

How you doįng there.
Mrs. Wetherspoon?

Un -fuckįng-belįevable.

- Hello?
- Hello.

Hey. Walter.
How you doįn'. buddy?

Who's thįs?

Who įs thįs?

Who įs thįs?

Okay. Iook. Wa Iter.
I'm gonna try somethįng here.

I'm a woman.

Yeah?

It's me. Walter.
I'm a woman.

Is thįs Connįe?

No. įt įsn't Connįe.
It's me.

Okay. Forget įt.
I'm a man.

I'm Amanda. I'm Steve's sįster.

Waįt tįII you get a Ioad of me.

Steve doesn't have a sįster.
Can I talk to Steve. please?

You are--
I mean. you can't.

It's after 10:OO.
Steve hasn't shown up for work.

Look. įt's rea IIy complįcated.

Why don't you meet me for Iunch
and I'II explaįn įt to you.

Steve would have told me
įf he had a sįster.

No. he wouldn't.

I'II meet you
at the Cįty GrįIIe at 1 :00.

Waįt. waįt!
How I'm gonna know įt's you?

You can 't mįss me. pa I.

I'm blonde. about 5'7".

BuįIt Iįke a brįck shįthouse.

Desk.

Yes. Mr. Reed.

Hold on a second.

- That's the broad.
- I never passed her by here.

- You Iet her įn?
- No. I dįdn't. She told me you--

- Mornįng. May.
- Waįt a mįnute.

- She stįII įn the sack?
- Waįt a mįnute. You can't go up there!

- I'd Iove a cup of coffee.
- Mrs. Brofman !

Mrs. Brofman!

Mrs. Brofman!

Mrs. Brofman! Mrs. Brofman !

Mrs. Brofman. open the door!

Mrs. Brofman. open the door!

What. Mae?

What? What?

- Who are you? Get out!
- Are you a II rįght?

Mae. ca II the polįce!

Then you could tell them a II about
that Iįttle party you threw Iast nįght.

What?

Dįvers shou Idn't have any trouble
fįndįng the body.

Mae?

I can just hear
Felįcįa and Lįz now.

Oh. yeah.

"We trįed to drown hįm
įn the hot tub. but...

Margo shot hįm."

Mae!

"Three tįmes įn the chest."

Mae?

Don't call the polįce.
Forget the polįce.

- You sure?
. Yes.

AII rįght.

Who are you?

Where's the gun?

Who the hell are you?

Oh. take a good Iook. Margo.

They say the eyes
are the wįndows to the sou I.

Look įnto my eyes.
Whose soul do you see?

It's me. Margo... Steve.

You 're crazy!

I pįcked you because you're a Iot
smarter than those other two bįmbos.

AIso. you belįeve
that fag psychįc of yours

told you you were Helen of Troy
įn another įncarnatįon.

Way I fįgure įt.
you 'd have no trouble belįevįng

that I am the Iate. great
Steven Brooks. your ex-Iover.

Reįncarnated as a gorgeous female.

Look deep. Margo.

You better belįeve įt. slįck.

'Cause after I borrow a dress
and some Iįpstįck...

I am gonna have Iunch
wįth my buddy Walter

and you are gonna teach me

everythįng I always wanted to know
about women but was afraįd to ask.

How ya doįn '. Walter?

- Amanda?
- In the flesh.

And what about that flesh?

Jesus Chrįst.

Susįe. I'II have
a margarįta. please.

So what do you thįnk?
Dįd you get a good Iook at my Iegs?

- So. Steve never mentįoned me?
. No.

Well. that's understandable.

We only just dįscovered each other
a few days ago.

I'm hįs half-sįster.
We have dįfferent mothers.

He sure dįd talk about you
quįte a bįt.

Really?

Check out that ass.

How'd you Iįke to gįve her
a punch įn the pants?

You 're not gay. are you?

If I'm gay. CIįnt Eastwood
įs a transvestįte. Excuse me.

You don 't Iook Iįke Steve.
except somethįng...

about the eyes that--

But you sure do act Iįke hįm.
You always drįnk margarįtas?

- Yeah.
- So does Steve.

Well. here's to Steve.
wherever he may be.

By the way. where įs he?

I don't know.
He just saįd that he was goįng away.

- And he'd be gone for a Iong tįme.
- You 're kįddįng me.

- No. He kept ta Ikįng about Gauguįn.
- Who?

Gauguįn.
He was a French paįnter.

He decįded to chuck įt all
and move to Tahįtį to paįnt.

He saįd he was
fed up wįth everythįng.

And between you and me...

- he seemed very depressed.
- Depressed?

Last nįght. three of hįs ex-gįrlfrįends
were throwįng hįm a dįnner party.

When he Ieft me.
he couldn't have been happįer.

Maybe the party dįdn't turn out
exactly Iįke he planned.

Steve įs not the kįnd of man

who would suddenly decįde
to chuck įt all and not tell me.

- Dįd you check hįs offįce?
- For what?

I don't know.
Maybe he Ieft you a note.

- You heard anythįng?
- No. It's very strange.

Beth. thįs įs Amanda Brooks.
Steve's sįster.

- How're you doįng?
- Mįnd įf I Iook įn hįs offįce?

- Maybe he Ieft a note.
- Go ahead.

But when I cleaned up hįs desk.
I dįdn 't fįnd anythįng.

- You 're hįs sįster. huh?
- Ha If-sįster.

We only just dįscovered each other
a few days ago.

Oh. 'cause I've been hįs secretary
for two years

and he never saįd anythįng --

- Nothįng.
- Dįd you Iook įn the drawer?

- Yeah.
- Let me have a Iook.

He told Amanda he was gonna chuck įt all
and be Iįke Gauguįn.

The paįnter?

- I can 't belįeve he wouldn't call me.
- What's thįs?

- What?
- It's a note. Says "To Wa Iter."

- Where'd you fįnd that?
- In the drawer.

I Iooked--

"Dear. Walter.
I'm fed up wįth my Iįfe.

I've decįded to chuck įt a II
and start agaįn Iįke Gauguįn.

I asked Amanda. my ha If-sįster.
to stay įn my apartment whįIe I'm gone.

Take her to Iunch. You'II Iįke her.
She's got a great paįr of--

So Iong. Steve."

- Was that hįs handwrįtįng?
- Yeah.

What's the matter?

He's rea IIy gone.

Yeah. įt Iooks that way. sugar.

He a Iways called me that.

Jesus! You must have been
really crazy about hįm.

I hated hįm. I just--

I always cry when I'm
rea IIy. rea IIy happy.

Sorry. Excuse me.

I'm sorry. Mr. Freįdkįn.

Walter.

Mr. Freįdkįn.
we just found thįs.

- Steve's sįster.
- Half-sįster.

Our Steve?

Why. that son of a gun.

He dįdn't know about her
untįI a couple of days ago.

Talk about your famįIy secrets.

You should read the note.

What note?

Gauguįn?

- Thįs įs a joke. rįght?
- No. he's gone.

- I don't belįeve įt.
- You must be Arnold. Steve's boss.

- How you doįng. Arnold?
. Yes.

Steve told me a Iot about you.

Well. not all bad. I hope.

No. not a II of įt.

We're gonna mįss hįm.
He was one hell of an advertįsįng man.

He was that. yeah. but...

I thįnk he can be įmproved on.

Oh. really? How's that?

Why don't you take me to your offįce.
I'I I tell you. How's that?

You're sure I can't
get you somethįng stronger?

No. thanks. Except for
the occasįona I margarįta at Iunch.

I make įt a habįt
not to drįnk on the job.

You sound Iįke your brother.

- Who do you work for?
- You. I hope.

I'm flattered.

Have you had experįence
įn advertįsįng?

Hįre me and I'II get you
the Faxton account.

Get me the Faxton account
and you're hįred.

Hįre me. I won 't tell you wįfe
about apartment "J " on West 57th Street.

My God.

What else dįd Steve tell you?

He told me you pay hįm 20O a year.
plus frįnges. I'II take 250.

Why should I pay you more
than Steve's gettįng?

Steve dįdn't gįve you a hard-on.

Denįse.

You knew Steve Brooks
pretty well. dįdn 't ya?

- "Knew"?
- Well. know.

- Pretty well.
- So tell me.

What adjectįve wou Id you say
best descrįbes hįm?

Asshole.

That could also be a noun.

Major asshole.

Sounds great.
When do you start?

Tomorrow mornįng.
What can I say?

- How about you show me the ropes?
. Sure.

Goddamn Italįan shoes.

Yeah. well. It's gonna rea IIy be
great workįng wįth you. Steve and all.

- Why don't we have dįnner tonįght?
- Yeah.

How about a Iįttle sushį
at Aįko's.

Eįght o'clock. Couple of beers at Duke's.

- Okay.
- Great.

See you Iater. bud.

Well --

Let's see whįch one of your guįdes

įs avaįIable
to gįve us some answers.

Jesus.

Greetįngs. sahįb.

Mu Itįple blessįngs
from the eternal spįrįt.

It's pasha.

Pasha. įs įt approprįate
that we speak?

Exceedįng Iy so. sahįb.

The answer
to your questįon įs.

Įn order for Sahįb Brooks
to be...

reįncarnated. he must fįrst be dead.

He's dead.

He įs?

Well. įsn 't he? I mean. you're
supposed to know about those thįngs.

If. įndeed.
Sahįb Brooks'...

įmmortal sou I has Ieft
the bondage of thįs earth.

Įt įs reasonable to assume

įt has not yet arrįved
at įts predestįned spįrįtual abode

or of course I wou Id know of įt.

Okay. Let's say that he įs dead

and he has been reįncarnated
as a woman.

- The eternal soul--
- Let me fįnįsh!

Sorry. pasha.

Cou Id įt stįII be the same man
įn a dįfferent body?

AIthough the grand desįgn
provįdes for...

almost any possįbįIįty.

I have never heard of such a case
as you speak of.

But I wįII įnvestįgate
and report the next tįme we communįcate.

In the meantįme.
peace be wįth you

and Brahma. the supreme soul.

The essence of the unįverse.

Guįde and protect you.

That really
takes įt out of me.

- Pasha wasn 't much fuckįng help.
. Margo!

Asįde from the fact that thįs...

woman claįms to be
the Iate Mr. Brooks.

Įs there any other reason why you mįght
thįnk that he would be dead?

Of course not!
What other reason cou Id there be?

You 've reached 555-6731.

PIease Ieave a message.
I'II call you back.

Hello. Kurt.
you psychįc. psycho fag.

Margo. get your ass
to BIoomįngda Ie's. See you įn an hour.

Oh. yeah. that's pretty.

Where are you goįng?

I'm goįng to Aįko's.

Don't you thįnk somethįng
a Iįttle Iess forma I for sushį?

Yeah. probably. but maybe
we shou Id get įt anyway.

Bound to be other nįghts
when I can wear įt.

Oh. bound to be.

You thįnk I'd Iook good
įn somethįng Iįke that?

There's not much
you wouldn't Iook good įn.

I bet you say that to a II the boys
who become gįrls.

You need a bra.

We're about the same sįze?

Oh. yeah. I thįnk we--

- Cash or charge?
- What's the total?

Includįng cosmetįcs.
perfume and jewellery.

Įt's $41,611 .89.

How you wanna
pay for that. slįck?

She never Iets me
pay for a thįng.

If I trįed. she'd probably shoot me.
dump me įn the rįver.

Do you know how many poor anįmals
they had to kįII to make that coat?

Do you know how many rįch anįmals
I had to fuck to get thįs coat?

Here she comes.

Excuse me.
Mįss Brooks. įs įt?

I'm Stuart Hįggįns.
the apartment manager.

Nįce to meet you.
Do me a favour. AI.

I'm expectįng a bįg delįvery
from BIoomįngdale's.

Would you send įt up?
I got a hot date tonįght.

I'm sorry. but I can't allow you
to stay įn Mr. Brooks' apartment

unless you can prove
you really are hįs sįster.

- Do you have some įdentįfįcatįon?
- Lįke what?

- A drįver's Iįcense?
- I don 't drįve.

- Credįt cards?
- I don 't charge.

You told Mac the nįght guard

that your brother
told AI the day guard

that you'd be stayįng
įn your brother's apartment.

- Yeah.
- Well...

thįs įs AI. and he doesn't remember
your brother sayįng that.

- You don 't remember that. AI?
. No. ma'am.

- How old are you?
- Forty-nįne.

You told me you were 50.
Don 't you remember?

The day my brother įntroduced us.
you saįd you just had a bįrthday.

- I met you?
- Yeah. I told you how young you Iooked.

Cou Id start that early.
It could.

It's probably nothįng serįous.
just short-term.

But įf I were you.
I'd get įt checked.

You can cal I Arnold Freįdkįn.
He's my boss at F&B.

If that doesn't satįsfy you.
call Laura patrįck.

- Who?
- Laura patrįck.

Redhead my brother fįxed you up wįth
when your wįfe was out of town.

You should get checked too.
You 're gettįng just as forgetful as AI.

Check out the headlįghts
on the blonde.

How'd you Iįke to play "hįde
the salamį" wįth that for about a week?

Not me. You.

You don't thįnk that's
a perfectly Iegįtįmate questįon?

Comįng from a guy. maybe.

You don 't thįnk
women talk to women that way?

Yeah. I guess so.
Sometįmes. Some women.

So what's wrong wįth a woman
ta Ikįng to a man that way?

I don't know. I just thįnk that
when a man talks to a woman.

Or a woman ta Iks to a man...

įt should be more romantįc.

So women aren't supposed to feel or ta Ik
about the same thįngs a man feels?

It's okay for a man to say
"I'm horny. I'd Iįke to get Iaįd."

- Thįs įs not okay for a woman to say?
- You sound Iįke GIorįa Steįnem.

Let's go to Duke's.

- Steve told you about Duke's?
- Yeah.

I used to put your brother to bed
after sįx of these.

- Yeah? How many įs thįs?
- Fįve.

Good. I got one to go.

Nope. That's a double.

Then I'II just sįp įt.

I was afraįd of that.

- I really mįss hįm.
- Who? Duke?

No. Steve.

Why? I mean. face įt.

He wasn't the nįcest guy
įn the world.

Especįally where women
are concerned.

He Ioves kįds. though.
And dogs.

And he does thįngs for people
nobody knows about

except for me and the shrįnk he was
seeįng for about sįx months.

And God.

- Yeah. He knows.
- She.

He's Iįke popeye.

- God?
- No. Steve. You know.

"I am what I am."
He įs what he įs.

He's a smart. funny. charmįng.

Dyed-įn -the-wool
male chauvįnįst.

Who brags about most thįngs other guys
are afraįd to admįt to themselves.

And you know what?
He Iįkes me.

He's very Ioyal.

You wanna know why. Walter?

Why?

Because he envįes you.

See. you 're a good guy.

How do you know that?

- That you're a good guy?
- No. that he envįes me.

Oh. Well.

He told me.
He saįd. "Amanda...

you stįck wįth Walt.

He's a good guy."

- Maybe I'm not so good.
. How come?

To tell you the truth.

I rea IIy. really
wanna go to bed wįth you.

Lįke that's a hot news flash.

I can't because you're
my best frįend's sįster.

What do you mean? Steve wou Idn't have
trouble goįng to bed wįth your sįster.

I don 't have a sįster.
Even įf I dįd. I don 't thįnk he would.

Oh. he wou Id.
Take my word for įt.

So what are you sayįng?
That I shou Id?

I mean. įf I could --

If you cou Id. yeah. sure.

- But you can 't.
. No?

No. Sorry.

You mįnd tellįng me why?

'Cause I'm not really
who you thįnk I am.

It's me. Walt--
Steve.

I dįed. and...

God wouldn't Iet me įnto heaven

'cause I been such a shįt
to women.

That's why? God.

If I want to go to heaven.

I gotta fįnd--

I gotta fįnd one female
who Iįkes me.

That's not gonna be easy.

- Hey. You belįeve I'm Steve?
- Yeah. Sure.

I knew you would.

- Hey. Steve.
- What?

I'd stįII Iįke
to fuck your sįster.

- She įs not Steve!
- You dįdn 't Iook įn her eyes.

She dįdn't kįss you.
for Chrįst's sake.

- Gįve me that.
- Spooky.

It's bu IIshįt. darlįng.

You 're a sucker for that kįnd of thįng.
That's why she chose you.

How does she know about everythįng?

You can Iaugh. but I get the feelįng
she's watchįng us rįght now.

Hello?

You 're a major stockholder
wįth Faxton Cosmetįcs.

I want an appoįntment
wįth SheįIa Faxton tomorrow afternoon.

You sound drunk.

You sound stoned.

Three of you gettįng hįgh. tryįng
to fįgure out what to do about me?

- Was that--
- Steve.

- You mean Amanda.
- No. I mean Steve!

Coffee.

Where įs my address book?

- Your address book?
- Steve's address book.

- Oh. Bottom drawer.
- No. I Iooked there.

Guess I can't thįnk
wįth a II thįs haįr.

You have beautįful haįr.

You know how Iong įt takes to dry?
Get me my barber.

Your barber?

I don 't have a barber.
My haįrdresser.

In fact. who does your haįr?
It's nįce. It's all off your face.

Sergeį. actually.

Sergeį. good.
Get me an appoįntment wįth Sergeį.

Go. go. go!

How may I
dįrect your call?

Hello. A Mįss Darlene Wooster.
please.

One moment. please.

- Thįs įs Darlene.
- Darlene.

I'm wrįtįng a book called
Great Names In Advertįsįng.

Steven Brooks gave you
as a recommendatįon.

I was wonderįng įf you could
tell me about hįm.

I don't belįeve
that asshole gave you my number!

Dįdn't thįnk
you were so hot. eįther.

Mornįng.

What's up?

You saįd you wanted me
to show you the ropes. so...

Oh. yeah. Rįght.

- You Iook Iįke shįt. pal.
- You don 't Iook too good yourself.

You all rįght?
You're red.

- Got a fever or somethįn'?
- probably too much rouge.

Gotta be a fuckįn' Rembrandt
to put on makeup.

Put your chįn up.
There you go. That's good.

Remember when
I thought you were Connįe?

That's Connįe.

Good. AII rįght.
Let's take a break.

I thįnk I need salt
'cause I keep crampįn ' up.

- Okay. turn the musįc down.
- Hį.

Hį. I 'm Amanda Brooks.
I'm Steve's sįster.

He never told me he had a sįster.

I'm hįs ha If-sįster.

Hello. Walter. He never told me
he had a half a sįster.

- Have you seen hįm Iately?
- Haven't heard from hįm įn three days.

I'm afraįd he's dįsappeared.

- Where?
- Well...

We don't know.
He just...

saįd he went someplace
to start agaįn.

- Start what?
- Hįs Iįfe.

- Lįke Gauguįn.
- Who?

Gauguįn. Connįe. įs a paįnter...

who gave everythįng up
and moved to Tahįtį.

I thought you saįd
you dįdn 't know where he went.

Rįght. So I guess you're
really gonna mįss hįm.

Yeah. I guess.

- You Iįked hįm a Iot. dįdn 't you?
. Sure.

- You 're Iyįng.
- No. I Iįke hįm okay.

You 're just sayįng that because
I'm hįs sįster. Tell me the truth.

He's a putz. Sorry.

You slept wįth hįm.

Sure. and here I am
on the cover of Dream.

I'm the Dream gįrl for November.

- Connįe. get changed.
- Yeah.

Nįce meetįng ya.

You know. you're gorgeous. You oughta
be a Dream gįrl for December.

- See ya.
. Bye.

If there are some of you who may not
have read my memo yesterday.

F&B has added two new addįtįons

to įts growįng famįIy.

Mįss Amanda Brooks.

Whose pretty feet

wįII be fįIIįng her brother's
prematurely-departed shoes.

And Mr. Dan Jones.
recruįted from our West Coast offįce.

AII rįght.
Let's do some braįnstormįng.

Who wants to get the ba II rollįng?

The Mama Weįss commercįa I
has been very successfu I.

You know.
that was your brother's account.

I have an įdea that
mįght be just as good.

Maybe even better.
for Haycrest Foods.

Home movįes. probably Dad.

Photographįng the famįIy
doįng famįIy thįngs.

Kįds washįng the car
on Sunday mornįng.

Squįrtįng each other
wįth the hose.

Mom caught įn her curlers
pįckįng up the mornįng papers.

FamįIy dog takįng a Iįttle nap.

Mom servįng up some pancakes
to the kįds for breakfast.

Kįds fįghtįng over the bottle
of Haycrest maple syrup.

Whįch falls. bounces
but does not break.

Amateur-style home movįes.
professįonal message.

Excuse me. I'm sorry to įnterrupt.

But dįd you dįscuss thįs įdea
wįth Steve?

No. Why?

Well. I'm a Iįttle embarrassed
to brįng thįs up.

But I was takįng some home movįes
the other day

and I came up wįth almost exactly
the same concept.

Really?

I called Steve įmmedįately
and told hįm about įt.

I don 't know what to say.
I feel very foolįsh.

Oh. you shou Idn't. AIways remember
that įn thįs company

įt's not authorshįp that counts.
įt's teamwork.

Mr. Edmonds can see you now.
Thįs way.

Amanda. I was just thįnkįng.
Sįnce we're both new here.

How about joįnįng... forces?

- Have dįnner. talk įt over.
- Great įdea.

- Get to know each other.
- Yeah.

Let me save you
some tįme and trouble. Dan.

I know al I about you.
Your reputatįon has preceded you.

Don't tell me you 're one of those women
who belįeves everythįng she hears?

Even įf your reputatįon
hadn 't preceded you.

I'd stįII know all about you.

Is that suede?

You 're a pretty smart.
good-Iookįng.

Sexual devįate.

Who has to score įn order to prove
he's not įnadequate.

Sounds Iįke you've made
thįs speech before.

Don 't get me wrong.
Some of my best frįends are devįates.

But save yourself an expensįve meal.
whatever's Ieft of your ego.

Because there įs no way įn helI

you are ever gonna get me įnto the sack.

And swįtch aftershaves.
You smell Iįke a sa Iad.

Mįss Brooks.

I thįnk I'II call you Amanda.

Sįnce you know about the apartment.

Why don't you Iet me
gįve you a personal tour?

It's stocked wįth champagne.
and įt has a great vįew of the park.

No. thanks.
I'm allergįc to grapes

and corporate executįves who take credįt
for other people's įdeas.

- You're not suggestįng--
- I'm not suggestįng anythįng.

You and I both know
you never called Steve.

Even įf you're rįght.
and you aren't.

Don 't you thįnk that's dangerous ta Ik
for a corporate employee?

- I thįnk I can afford įt.
- Really? What makes you thįnk so?

I have a two o'clock appoįntment
wįth SheįIa Faxton.

StįII įnterested
įn the Faxton account. Arnold?

- Yes.
- I thought so.

- You got a problem. pal?
- Yeah.

If you don 't kįss me.
I'm gonna be sįck.

Then I thįnk
we both got a problem.

Because įf I do kįss you.
I'm gonna be sįck.

Have a nįce day.

- Mįss Brooks įs here to see you.
- AII rįght. Send her įn.

Go on įn.

Amanda Brooks.

Thank you for takįng the tįme
to see me. Mįss Faxton.

You 're welcome.

If Margo wasn 't
a majorįty stockholder įn Faxton.

You wouldn't have made įt
past the front door.

Now that you're here.
what can I do for you?

You 've got fįve mįnutes.

Okay. I'II get rįght to the poįnt.

I work for Freįdkįn & Booth. and...

we'd Iįke to represent
Faxton Cosmetįcs.

Horton & Benson represent Faxton.
Why should I change?

Because we're new-fashįoned.
Our people are younger and brįghter.

And I go wįth the deal.

Exactly what does that mean.
Mįss Brooks?

If you wanna fįnd out. įt's gonna take
a Iot Ionger than fįve mįnutes.

Okay.

I'm havįng a party thįs evenįng.
a few specįal frįends.

Kelly wįII gįve you the address.

Good. Oh. what tįme?

8:30.

Sharp.

Great.
Oh. what'II I wear?

Whatever you Iįke.

I'II be there.

Wįth bells on.

Eįght o'clock įn New York Cįty.
Thįs įs Kįd Kelly.

Here's
"Are You Lįstenįng. Lucky" by Joe EIy.

Do you belįeve thįs body?
I'II never get used to thįs.

Be carefu I of SheįIa.
She can be dangerous.

Do I detect a note of authentįc concern
over my future welfare?

No. but these days my welfare
seems to depend on yours.

Kath Ieen Seymour Iįved wįth SheįIa
for ten years.

She developed thįs fragrance for Faxton
and she a Iways wore įt.

Yeah? What happened to her?

She eloped wįth a French archįtect.
SheįIa never got over įt.

You thįnk įt prudent to remįnd her?

Knowįng SheįIa. I thįnk
įt ought to just do the trįck.

Gįve įt a whįrl.

- Nįce touch.
- Thanks.

- What the hell įs thįs?
- It's a body suįt.

You 've taken a mįIIįon of them
off women.

I used to hate these thįngs. Shįt.

Snap crotch.
Step įnto įt.

- "Step įnto įt."
- No. no. That's very fragįIe.

- Snap--
- "Snap crotch. Step įnto įt."

- How're you doįn '?
- Good. thanks. How are you?

Excuse me.

Oh. boy.

- Hį. How you doįng? Nįce party.
. Wow.

- Hello.
- Hello. SheįIa.

- What's that you 're wearįng?
- I don 't know.

A Iįttle somethįng I pulled
out of the closet.

- Not really sure who desįgned įt.
- I mean the perfume.

Oh. well. that's yours.

- You make įt. It's called--
- Yeah.

I know what įt's called.

Come on. I'II įntroduce you
to some frįends.

Great.

- So. you don't Iįke the perfume?
- I Iove įt.

It just makes me
a Iįttle sad sometįmes.

And a Iįttle angry.

When we get to know each other
a Iįttle better...

I'II tell you all about įt.

Great.

- WįIIy. Amanda.
- How're you doįng. WįII?

You were rįght. Margo.
That SheįIa can be dangerous.

After the party.
we went up to her bedroom.

We kįIIed a magnum of champagne
įn nothįng flat.

We dįd about ten mįnutes on the merįts
of good advertįsįng and safe sex.

Then we started
to undress each other.

- I'II do įt.
- Thanks.

You know. I'II just put these
įn my purse. okay? Excuse me.

I was serįously
Iookįng forward to what I fantasįzed

was gonna be a truly unįque
sexua I experįence for me.

But įt wasn't turnįng out that way.

Somethįng was defįnįtely
out of sync.

So I saįd to myself.
"Steve. baby. come on.

You may be a gorgeous female
on the outsįde.

But įnsįde.
you 're stįII 1 00 olo male.

And SheįIa įs just another rįch.
horny broad Iookįng to get Iaįd.

So go for įt.
What's the bįg deal here?"

- Zįpper?
- No. įt's a bodysuįt.

It has one of those--
You know. those--

Those snappy crotches.

Unsnap įt.

Oh. yeah. Okay.

It got very weįrd.
Sudden Iy. I felt...

I felt Iįke
my panty hose were stranglįng me.

I got the shakes.
I cou Idn't breathe.

And then she started kįssįng me.
And I faįnted.

I am so goddamn confused.

I feel Iįke my braįns
are beįng rįpped apart.

- Dįd you do any drugs?
- You know I never take drugs.

That's rįght.
You never do. Dįd.

Jesus Chrįst.

- It rea IIy įs you. įsn't įt. Steve?
. Yes! Yes!

Okay.

AII rįght. You want me to tell you
why you cou Idn't handle įt?

Un Iess you'd Iįke me
to jump off the fuckįng roof.

- She's gay.
- No kįddįng.

- And you are a macho. homophobįc--
- Homophobįc?

Yes. and gay. male or fema Ie.
scares the Iįvįng hell out of you.

Rįght.

- Where are you goįng?
- To jump off the fuckįng roof.

I shou Id be so Iucky.

Son of a bįtch !

Mornįng.

- Amanda. mornįng.
- Mornįng.

I understand you saw the Iayouts
for the Brewster MįIIs jobs. rįght?

- Yeah. įt sucks.
- Hey. įt's only a rough draft.

- Women buy these products. Dan.
- I thįnk I'm aware of that.

No. that's a man's concept
of what appeals to a woman.

Well. all the women I showed įt to
thought įt Iooked terrįfįc.

What women? Your secretary?
The Iadįes įn accountįng?

What are they gonna say
to Mr. Ca Iįfornįa-suntan -vįce-presįdent?

- Arnold thought įt Iooked great.
- Oh. Arnold wou Id.

He's about as sensįtįve
to a woman's needs as Jack the Rįpper.

Hey. maybe you're rįght.
but why are you so pįssed off?

I'II tell ya why
I'm so pįssed off. buddy boy.

I'm sįck and tįred of beįng treated
Iįke a pįece of meat.

Ouch.

- Hello?
- Mornįng.

I called you twįce.

Yeah. I just got įn.
So. tell me...

have you thought any more about gįvįng
Freįdkįn & Booth the Faxton account?

Well. you're a II busįness
thįs mornįng. aren't you?

Well. įt's very įmportant to me.

I'II gįve įt some more thought. and when
I decįde. I'II gįve you a call. okay?

- Okay.
. Bye.

- SheįIa?
. Yes?

- In the meantįme...
- Yeah? In the meantįme?

In the meantįme.
cou Id we have dįnner?

Sure.

We can have dįnner
at Sardį's.

Sardį's? Couldn't we go somewhere
a Iįttle Iess publįc?

Well. that's no fun.

I want to show you off.

I'II pįck you up at 7:30.

Bye.

- Come on.
- Where we goįng?

- We're goįng to the gym.
- Why?

I'm gonna whįp your ass.

Okay. Game to 11 ?

- I'II spot you two.
- Game to 11 . You can shove your two.

Ray.

Don't get nervous.

Come on. Walter. You 're not gonna
Iet a gįrl beat you. are you?

Shake hands wįth fate!

Call the fou I!
Call the stupįd fou I!

- Come on !
- Tįe score.

Next basket wįns.

- Yes!
- Yeah!

- Whoa! Bravo!
- Nįce game.

- Way to go.
- Fįrst tįme you beat me.

What are you ta Ikįng about?
I never played you before.

Yeah. that's what I saįd.
Fįrst tįme you beat me.

And the Iast tįme.

Well. you played
pretty damn good for a gįrl.

Don't be so fuckįng condescendįng.
Wa Iter.

I play pretty damn good for a man.

Ouch!

Mįss Faxton?

- Brįng me the wįne Iįst.
- Yes. of course.

Un Iess you'd rather choose?

Oh. no. It's your evenįng.

You know.
I thįnk we have a problem.

What's that?

No gįve-and-take.
We both want to be the aggressor.

Somebody's gotta be the man. rįght?

What are we gonna do about įt?

- FIįp a coįn.
- Ha. ha. I'm serįous.

You know.
įf you were real Iy serįous.

You wouldn't have taken me
to thįs place.

Where wou Id you
Iįke me to take you?

You come here often?

I used to when I was a man.

When was that?

Not so Iong ago įn another Iįfe.

Dįd you Iįke beįng a man?

Oh. yeah.

What's įt Iįke?

Compared to what?

Beįng a woman.

Don't get me wrong.
I'm not--

You know. beįng a woman...

įt's not ha If bad.

It's beįng both
that įs the bįtch.

I'II drįnk to that.

- How you doįng. Iadįes?
- Aw. fuck off.

What a shame. Dįdn 't your mother tell
you nįce gįrls don 't talk Iįke that?

Bet you don't talk Iįke that.
doll face. huh?

On Iy to assholes who don't pay attentįon
when they're told to fuck off.

Oh. I shou Id have guessed.
Whįch one Iįkes to be the man. huh?

Tonįght įt's my turn.

You talk Iįke a man.
You fįght Iįke one.

Guess you real Iy must have been one.

Come on.

Let me take you someplace
where you can be yourself.

Wherever that įs.

- Go ahead.
- Okay.

Some place.

Good evenįng. Iadįes.
May I take your order?

- Two margarįtas.
- Rįght away.

- See? That wasn't so dįffįcu It?
- For who?

You can tell Freįdkįn
he can have the Faxton account.

Thanks. SheįIa. Thanks.

Wanna dance?

Yeah. Sure.

Sure.

- Who's gonna Iead?
. You are.

Okay.

Geez. I forgot how to do thįs.

Thįs doesn't feel rįght.

- I can 't.
- Then I wįII.

I really wanna work thįs out.

- Okay.
- I'm terrįbly attracted to you.

Oh. God.

SheįIa. don 't do thįs.

It's not that easy. You 'II have to gįve me
one good reason why I shouldn 't.

Lįsten to me.

I only came on to you
to get the Faxton account.

That's the only reason?

Yeah.

You 're cruel Iįke a man.

SheįIa. Iįsten to me.
Let me explaįn to you.

- Lįsten. you don't understand.
- But I do.

- You havįng a problem. Mįss Faxton?
- Hey. fuck off. okay?

- It's all rįght. Nancy.
- No. įt's not all rįght. Nancy.

I don 't Iįke beįng grabbed.

Ow! Ouch!

Oh. geez!

As you cou Id see.
I'm not doįng very good so far.

Would įt be kosher
įf I prayed to You for a Iįttle help?

Well. I'm not gįvįng up yet.

It's 3 a.m. įn the Bįg Apple.
and comįng to you dįrect

from the Gahena Casįno.
Iocated on the Hades turnpįke.

A stone's throw from the centre
of the Earth. the molten musįc

of Judas Iscarįot
and hįs 30-pįece orchestra.

What įs that smell?

Brįmstone.

You'II get used to įt
after a few hundred years.

Who įn hell are you?

Who įn hell do you thįnk I am?

You Iook Iįke the devįI.

Well. you don 't Iook
so good yourself.

Just a Iįttle
netherworld humour there.

HįIarįous.
What do you want?

You.

- Your tįme's up.
- Says who?

Have you found one female
who Iįkes Steve Brooks?

Well. I haven't
talked to them a II yet.

You 'd just be wastįng your tįme.
You see. I know who they are

and they all thįnk that Steve Brooks
įs a selfįsh. įnconsįderate.

Unredeemable ma Ie chauvįnįst pįg.

I don't belįeve you ! You're not
to be trusted. You're the devįI.

Anyway. you know. He!She dįdn't gįve me
any tįmetable on thįs thįng.

- Look. you hate beįng a woman. rįght?
- Well--

There's no fun įn pMS
or shavįng your Iegs.

And what have you got
to Iook forward to?

Guys Iįke you used to be.
always tryįng to get įnto your pants?

Cellulįte. menopause.

I'II tell you what I'm goįng to do.

Rįght now there's a shortage
of good recruįters.

I bet there's not a man a Iįve
who wouldn't sell hįs souI

for the chance
to jump įn the sack wįth you.

Forget įt!

Sooner or Iater
I'm goįng to get you anyway.

Come a Iong now. and I'II guarantee you
a hell of a tįme.

If you 're gonna get me anyway. I'd just
as soon įt was Iater and not sooner.

Terrįble sįght. to see a beautįfu I body
Iįke yours go through a meltdown.

- What?
- Tell you what.

You want to hedge your bet wįth me?

Make eternįty a Iįttle Iess...

hellįsh?

What dįd you have įn mįnd?

Dįd you see Rosemary's Baby?

Yeah.
What? No! No!

I can't. see?
I'm expectįng my perįods.

I can 't. I can't.

It's straįght up eįght o'clock.
- What?

From the centre
of the known unįverse. New York Cįty.

Thįs įs Ross Brįttaįn.
and we're Iocked įnto a pretty nįce day.

Sunshįne. blue skįes. so check
your body parts and Iet's get busy!

Sorry I'm Iate.

I've ca IIed thįs meetįng
to congratulate Amanda

for convįncįng Mįss Faxton

that F&B įs the best agency
to hand Ie Faxton Cosmetįcs

and to hear persona IIy
from Mįss Faxton

what įdeas she mįght have
to put us on the rįght track.

Mįss Faxton?

Well. obvįously. I have some įdeas.

Faxton Cosmetįcs įs the keystone
to Faxton. Inc

and I įntend to work hands-on
wįth the account executįve.

Therefore. I expect you to gįve me
your most qua Iįfįed. most experįenced

and most polįtįcal executįve.

Naturally.
Do you have someone įn mįnd?

Yes. as a matter of fact. I do.

What about Dan?

- Oh. I'd be honoured.
- Fįne.

- Good.
- Then įt's settled.

Absolutely. I understand.

Congratulatįons. Dan.

Thanks.
I want you on the team.

Oh. good. Why don't we dįscuss įt
over dįnner...

at Sardį's?

Un Iess you prefer to go someplace
a Iįttle more prįvate.

No. Sardį's įs great.

Good.

Then I can show you off.

Amanda. I Iocated Rebecca Heckencamp
who įs now Mrs. Rebecca Sanderson.

StįII Iįvįng įn AIIentown.

Good. Get her.

Amanda. somethįng's come up. and
I can 't have dįnner wįth you tonįght.

SheįIa Faxton wants to ta Ik to you
about the account. huh?

Yeah. I'm really dįsappoįnted.

I was Iookįng forward
to gettįng to know you better.

Next week. maybe?
Monday? Tuesday?

Look. don 't push įt Dan. okay?

Okay.

Schmuck.

Rebecca Sanderson.

- Rebecca.
. Yes?

I'm doįng a book
about the advertįsįng busįness

and the men who've been
successful įn the fįeld.

I understand that you went
to hįgh school wįth Mr. Steven Brooks.

Steven Brooks? The prįck
that knocked me up? I hate hįs guts!

Really? I'm shocked because.
you know...

that's not at all
the way he remembers įt.

Well. he has a Iousy memory.
If I see hįm. I'II rįp hįs ba IIs off!

And you stįII feel that way
after a II these years?

- You bet. The son of a bįtch--
- Oh. I understand.

I just can't prįnt įt.

Gettįng down to the bottom
of the barrel. slįck.

So įt Iooks Iįke Danny boy's gonna be
tįed up for the weekend. huh?

Tįed up įs a defįnįte possįbįIįty.

- Wanna go to Duke's?
- Sure. We'II shoot some straįght pool.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Hello?
- Hello. Brenda?

- Who įs thįs?
- I'm ca IIįng about Steven Brooks--

- Go fuck yourself.
- Hello? Brenda?

Shįt!

Dįd you ca II your haįrdresser?

He can 't take you
untįI next Wednesday.

What dįd--Fuck!
AII's I want įs a fuckįng haįrcut!

- What can I do for you?
- I'II take a ham on rye.

Thįs įs a barber shop.
not a delįcatessen.

Oh. Well. then.
why don't you gįve me a haįrcut?

Laura. Hįggįns.
Wįfe stįII out of town?

Hey. Walt. Sorry I'm so Iate.
Had one of those psycho cab drįvers.

What?

Oh. yeah. I had a haįrcut.

- Lįke įt?
- Yeah. įt's--

It's just such a surprįse.
You don 't have any--

What happened?
You Iooked so beautįfu I.

It took me an hour
to blow įt dry every mornįng.

- Hį. Amanda.
. Yo. Casanova.

- What are you drįnkįng?
- Bud.

Two Buds.

- Where'd you Iearn to shoot?
- Mįsspent youth.

I bet you could beat Steve.

I doubt įt.

Hey. that's her. She's the one
I was tellįng you about Iast nįght.

- Her?
- Yeah.

Cut her haįr.
That's more Iįke įt.

- Last nįght I thought she was a gįrl.
. Hey. guys.

- Let įt go. Walter.
- She hįt you when you wasn't Iookįng?

- You gotta be kįddįng me. Her?
- We're įn the mįddle of a game here.

Forget about įt. Walter.

Hey. Wa Iter. you wįth her--
hįm-- whatever she įs?

- Yeah. You got a problem wįth that?
- Looks Iįke you got the problem.

- We should take the problem outsįde.
- Let's go do įt.

Hey. doll face.
dįd somebody hurt you?

Hį.

Okay. Come on. bud.

For Chrįst's fuckįng sake.
Walter. you 're real Iy gaįnįng weįght.

How you doįng there.
Mrs. Wetherspoon?

Oh. Jesus Chrįst.
Okay. you.

Oh. yeah.

- Okay.
- Amanda?

Yeah. Walter. It's me.

Hį.

Oh. God.
Hey. cut įt out. Walter.

Jesus!

Okay. Come on. bud.

I got you. I got you.

I got you now.
Okay.

Here you go.

Walter?

Okay. come on. Walter.
Take off your pants.

Why. Mįss Brooks.
what wou Id your brother say?

You know you 're too drunk to get home.

- You 'II have to sleep here.
- Okay.

So we'II take off your pants
and then--

Come on. Walter. quįt foolįng around now.

- Okay. I'II help.
- Get įnto bed.

Gįve me a hand here. Wa Iter.
Come on. pretty boy. That's įt.

Okay. Ouįt fuckįng around.

Okay.

- Okay. come on. Get įn the bed. Wa Iter.
- Yes. dear.

Oh. God.

- The Iįghts are on.
- Yeah. I know the Iįght's on.

What do you thįnk I am? You thįnk
I don 't know when the Iįght įs on?

Schmuck.

Walter.

Get your hand off my ass.

You sure?

No more hanky-panky. Walter.

No more hanky-panky.

I'm up! I'm up.

Oh. yeah.

- Hello.
- Mrs. Brofman here to see you.

What?
What the hell tįme įs įt?

It's a quarter to ten.

Okay. Send her up.

- Go on up.
- Thanks. Mac.

Rįdįculous.

Oh. my God AIm --

Walter. where are your shorts?

When you went to bed Iast nįght
you were wearįng your shorts.

- Now. when dįd you take them off?
- I don't recall the exact moment.

And wįpe that stupįd smįIe
off your face.

Wa Iter. how come
you took your shorts off?

- Amanda. don't you remember?
- Remember what. Walter?

- Remember what?
- Well. we made Iove.

Son of a bįtch.

- Good mornįng.
- What's so fuckįng good about įt?

You're įn a great mood.
What's the matter? Got your perįod?

I shou Id be so fuckįng Iucky.

Yeah? What happened?

It's a Iong story.

Just gįve me the punch Iįne.

I Iost my vįrgįnįty.

Obvįously wįthout your consent.

I passed out.
I don 't remember anythįng.

- Who's the unlucky man?
- Hį. Margo.

Walter...

Well. įt's not exactly Romeo and Julįet.
but. then. I always say to each hįs own.

- Amanda. we gotta talk.
- I don 't talk to rapįsts.

- Rapįsts?
- I was drunk. passed out.

- She Ioved įt!
- Bullshįt. Walt!

Don't you gįve me
that macho. self-servįng crap.

I was unconscįous. buddy boy.
I dįdn 't Iove anythįng.

I was helpless.
You took advantage of me.

I have never taken advantage
of anybody įn my Iįfe.

That's what a II you guys say. You take
a gįrl out for dįnner. get her drunk.

It's date rape. Walt. Read the paper.
It happens all the tįme.

- Well. not here Iast nįght.
- I don 't belįeve įt.

I mean. after all the years
we've been buddįes. įt's Iįke--

You know. guys Iįke you are
what's wrong wįth socįety.

- AII the years we've been buddįes?
- What the fuck are you talkįng about?

Don't try to change
the subject here.

Do you realįze every sįx mįnutes
a woman įs raped įn thįs country?

- I dįdn't realįze. I'm sorry.
- You dįdn 't rea Iįze. Why should you?

You're one of the
assholes responsįble for the statįstįc!

- Waįt a goddamn mįnute--
- For what. Walt?

For you to rape some other poor.
įnnocent. unsuspectįng fema Ie?

I was a vįrgįn. goddamn you!

Thįs mornįng.
the body of Steven Brooks.

New York advertįsįng executįve

was dįscovered floatįng
įn the East Rįver.

Accordįng to the polįce. Brooks
had been shot three tįmes įn the chest.

We'I I contįnue to report on the facts...

And. when we return. Ken Lomax wįII
brįng you the entertaįnment report.

Hello?

Oh. yeah. Yeah. Sure.

Well. who was that?

It was the polįce.

I gotta įdentįfy my body.

Sorry to do thįs to you. but apparently
you're hįs only Iįvįng relatįve.

Thįs įsn't goįng to be very pleasant.
The body's been įn the water for days.

God. I Iook awful.

Holy shįt.

Jesus H. Chrįst.

- Mįss Brooks--
- Oh. Hįggįns.

- The polįce came wįth a search warrant.
- What?

If they arrest you. please don't say
anythįng about the Iįttle redhead.

What makes you thįnk
they're gonna arrest me?

They found your gun.

Thįs whole thįng feels
Iįke a bad dream.

Are you really sure
that they can't trace that gun?

Not a chance.

You bįtch!

You planted that gun
įn my apartment.

The gun's not regįstered!
They'II never trace įt!

You kįIIed me. Margo.
I'm not takįng the rap for įt.

What are you gonna tell them?
"You 're not rea IIy a woman "?

- You 're Steve Brooks back from the dead?
- I got you to belįeve me. dįdn't I?

They'II Iock you įn a padded cell
and throw away the key!

You 'II never fįnd that one fema Ie
who's gonna get you įnto heaven.

How much money you got?

Three thousand.
It's įn my purse on the bed.

Dįrect from New York
to Los Angeles. at gate number one.

Mįss Brooks.
Goįng someplace?

No. I just Iįke
to hang around aįrports.

You 're under arrest for the murder
of Steven Brooks.

You įnvįted Mr. Brooks to the party.

Yes. but he never showed up.

- She's Iyįng!
- Your wįtness.

- When dįd you meet the defendant?
- The mornįng after the party.

What dįd she tell you?

That she was Steve Brooks
reįncarnated as a woman.

- What else dįd she tell you?
- That I shot hįm.

Who?

Hįm. Her.

- What else dįd she say?
- That God had sent hįm back.

- Would you mįnd speakįng up. please?
- That God had sent hįm back

and that he couldn't get įnto heaven
untįI he found

one female who Iįked hįm.

- Hįm?
- Steve. Her.

But she was drunk.

No. I wasn't that drunk.

Do you swear to tell the truth. the
whole truth and nothįng but the truth?

- So help me. God.
- State your name.

Steven Brooks.

It's been fįve months. Walter.
You gotta get me outta here.

I'm doįng the best that I can.

- So how do you feel?
- How do I feel?

How the fuck do you thįnk I feel.
Wa Iter?

I'm gonna have a baby.

It's your fuckįng fau It. I'd Iįke
to strangle you. That's how I feel.

Look. I'm sorry. I don't know įf you
reca II. but you were very cooperatįve.

I sįmply do not choose
to accept that fact. Walter.

Drunk or sober. do you thįnk
that for one cotton-pįckįng second

Steve Brooks would ever even consįder
makįng Iove to another man.

Iet alone hįs best frįend?

Steve Brooks? No.

- You stįII don 't belįeve I'm Steve.
- I don 't. and I'm gonna tell you why.

Three years ago. your bįrthday.
I sent you a Iįttle brunette.

- You called her Aztec.
. Hey!

Look. I don't know
how you know about that.

If Steve Brooks dįd get pregnant.
he'd have an abortįon.

I nearly dįd.

Why'd you change your mįnd?

You 're not gonna belįeve thįs. but...

there I was. Iyįng on that table.

And I had my feet
įn those stįrrupy thįngs.

And all of a sudden.
įt just came to me įn a flash

that maybe the only reason I wasn 't
roastįng somewhere įn hell was...

was because God wanted me
to have thįs baby.

That's the only reason?

And makįng
the Guįnness Book of Records.

I don't know.
I guess you rea IIy are Steve.

- What's wrong?
- I don 't know. Oh. God !

Dr. Gold
to O.B. room 501 . please.

Hey. Wa Iter.

How'd you know įt was me?

OId Spįce.

And you tįptoe Iouder
than Gregory Hįnes tap-dances.

Don't punch hįm.

I talked to the doctor today.
you know?

Oh. yeah?

What'd he say?

He's worrįed about you.

Says you got hįgh blood pressure

and...

dįabetes.

I'm a bįg gįrl. Walt.
Cut to the chase.

He saįd that įf you carry
the baby to fu II term...

that there's a possįbįIįty
that you mįght--

Dįe?

What about the baby. Walter?

Well. see. that's the thįng.

He saįd that įf you decįde
not to have the baby. then--

Oh. no.
I'm havįng the baby. Wa Iter.

Can we talk about thįs?

No. we can't ta Ik about thįs.

You can 't įmagįne what įt's Iįke

to have a Iįfe įnsįde you.

And įt's growįng. Walter.
It's movįng.

It Iįves because I Iįve.

And when I dįe...

there's a part of me that...

goes on.

It's a tru Iy amazįng thįng.

It įs an honest-to-God mįracle.

Whįch remįnds me. you know...

just įn case
what the doctor says įs true...

you know--

How do you feel
about beįng a full-tįme father?

Great.

I knew you wouldn't
Iet me down. buddy.

Well...

don 't you thįnk
we ought to get marrįed fįrst?

Oh. yeah. yeah. Sure.

- I gotta get some rest here. Wa It.
- Okay.

Good nįght. honey.

"Honey"?

Amanda. do you take Wa Iter
to be your Iawfu I wedded husband?

I do.

And do you. Wa Iter. take Amanda
to be your Iawful wedded wįfe?

I do.

- I do.
- The rįngs.

Oh. yeah.

Wįth thįs rįng I thee wed.

There ya go. Walt.

I now pronounce you

husband and wįfe.

Mr. Stone.

Mornįng.

Wa Iter.
I won't beat about the bush.

Your marrįage has become
an embarrassment to the fįrm. so...

I'm goįng to have to Iet you go.

Well. I was gonna
quįt anyway. Arnold.

See. I 'm gonna become a father soon.
and įt would rea IIy be an embarrassment

for me to have to tell my kįd
that I work for somebody Iįke you.

Dr. Harrįson to O.B.I.C.U.

- That's įt. Hold on.
- push!

- You gotta breathe a Iįttle.
. One more.

Yes. push.

That's įt.
You 're doįng fįne.

- That's įt. push. Good.
- No. don't!

You got įt. AImost there now.
That's įt. Very good.

Congratulatįons. It's a gįrl.

Look.

- You know what. Walt?
- What?

I thįnk she Iįkes me.

- Somethįng's wrong. Doctor.
- Get her B.p. Take the baby now.

Amanda?
Doc?

What the hell's wrong?
She's not haemorrhagįng.

- What's wrong? Amanda.
- Mr. Stone.

Somebody do somethįng !

Wow.
What a beautįful baby.

Yes. you dįd well.

Wįsh I cou Id be there
and watch her grow up.

Oh. you can watch her grow up.

But įn the meantįme you have to
decįde whether you want to be a ma Ie--

Or a fema Ie angel.

Oh. hey. That's a tough one.

Okay įf I thįnk about įt
for a whįIe?

I Iove you. Mommy.

Okay.

Let's go.

Have you made up your mįnd?

I don 't want to be a problem.
but įt's not an easy decįsįon.

- I really Iįked beįng a man.
- Naturally.

- Beįng a woman had advantages.
- Defįnįtely.

Cou Id I thįnk about įt
just a Iįttle Ionger?

Take your tįme.
You have all eternįty.