Original subtitles

Whoa.

Now, hold on.

I've got a coupon for that quinn-o-ah.

That's the only reason he's buying it.

He doesn't even know what quinn-o-ah is.

Hey, you'll never guess what I just saw.

- A gas station? - A door to a gas station?

Your life pass you by due to years of inaction

- fueled by self-doubt? - Yes, yes, and ouch.

I also saw a box parachuting from a plane.

So if anyone was expecting a package,

it got dropped out in the field.

What year do you think it is?

What year do you think it is?

That wasn't a package falling from the sky,

- it was a person. - Oh... and he delivers the package?

Or she, and no.

A skydiving school just opened up nearby.

I didn't know that.

Why would anyone pay to ride in a plane

- just to jump out of it? - People say it's thrilling.

"Thrilling" is pulling a fast one on a store clerk

by using an expired coupon.

How am I the only one who didn't know about

the skydiving school? Why am I out of the loop?

You know about all the important stuff.

- Like the tigers. - The what?

The tigers. Remember, those circus trucks crashed,

and the man-eating tigers escaped?

Boy, you are outta the loop. You be careful out there.

♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby you're so wrong ♪

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~

Come on! I get no love for "Beatz Cop"?

I patrol the streets and provide the beats!

Uh-oh, Karen's lost it.

I knew this day would come.

You distract her while I steal her gun.

No, she's referring to our group text.

We're all coming up with our own rap names.

Mine's "Two Grillz." It was "DJ Hot Soup,"

but everyone thought that was conceited.

There's a group text?

Aw, great, I'm out of the loop and the group.

- Is everyone mad at me or something? - No one's mad.

You just have to make an effort to get in the group loop.

You can't wait for the group loop to come to youp.

- I mean "you." - I responded, Karen.

I sent you an ROTFLMFAO emoji.

I responded... with three eye rolls.

I didn't get any of those.

There's a technical glitch with our service right now.

No texts are going through...

...but we can still call each other.

Call? On the telly-phone?

- What year is this? - What year do you think it is?

I'm honestly not sure, and Brent's not talking.

This explains why I haven't heard back from Won.

I'm waiting to hear if my kumquats arrived.

Tell you what, Davis. I'll go to Foo Mart,

find out about your kumsquats, and report back.

Keep you in the loop.

Uh, does anyone have a message

they'd like me to deliver while I'm out?

If you see Bu, tell her I say "hey."

Uh, okay, um... I have to write this down.

Can I ask you a question?

If the question is "what can I get you?" then, yes.

I booked an appointment to go skydiving tomorrow...

And you want me to be the executor of your will?

No! It was my childhood dream to go skydiving.

I actually went up one time, but chickened out.

I really want to try again,

but I'll need someone there to give me a little push.

- Would you... - Are you kidding?!

It was my childhood dream

to push someone out of a plane!

I was thinking more of an emotional push,

- like support. - Oh. I can do a bit of that,

but when push comes to shove,

I am really good at shoving, and pushing.

So since texting is down, I'm providing a new service

by delivering messages in person.

You're a message boy?

Well, I mean, I prefer the term "text-nician."

Anyway, Davis wants to know

if his, uh, skumtots have arrived.

If you mean kumquats, then yes.

Uh, aren't those just oranges?

- He doesn't know the difference. - Hmm.

Hey, uh, is Bu around? I have a text for her.

No, and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable

with you texting my daughter.

I'm not the one texting her. Don't make it creepy.

I'm just a regular grown man between two teenage girls that...

Oh, now I hear it.

You can't confiscate my rototiller!

I'm pretty sure we just did. Yup, there it is.

We warned you last year about tilling the boulevard.

- That's town property. - Well, this town is an idiot.

That boulevard is prime potato-planting soil!

Sorry, but the law's the law.

Take it from me, "Affidavis."

- That's my rap name. - Word.

This isn't over!

So you're a message boy.

No, I personally deliver texts. Except I call them "talksts."

I am so in the loop now.

I'm in more loops than a, um...

- What's in a lotta loops? - A belt?

Ah, I was hoping for something funnier.

Anyway, I know stuff now.

Like Zeke and Lanny are going to the movies

on Thursday, unless Zeke fakes being sick.

- Should you be telling me this? - Uh, oh, maybe not.

I probably have a privacy policy in my terms of service.

I never read it.

Forget what I told you about Zeke and Lanny,

and Lacey going skydiving.

Lacey's going skydiving?

Oops. Now forget I told you that.

Oh, this is not gonna go well.

No, no, don't worry, she'll be wearing a parachute.

Turns out, "skydiving"

is just a 35-cent word for "parachuting."

It isn't Lacey's safety I'm worried about.

It's the fact that she's gonna rope me into this.

She always comes running to me to be her cheerleader.

Oh, now I'm picturing you in a tiny skirt.

Hey, Brent, can I have tomorrow off?

- Why? - Because I won't be here.

Oh, then I guess I better give you the day off.

I'm telling you, Hank, Lacey can't do anything

without me holding her hand.

When have you ever held a woman's hand?

Or a woman's anything?

Hey! I've held my mom's purse,

but I'm talking metaphorically here.

Lacey relies on my logic.

- She only trusts my judgment. - Really?

You're the only one she trusts?

She'd never turn to anyone else?

- Who else is there? - Wow...

you're basically her emotional support animal.

I am. Except I don't get snacks.

- She feeds you all day long. - Those are meals.

Snacks should come in between.

- The lock is cut. - And guess what's missing.

Oh, I'm never good at these puzzles.

- Do you have a "before" picture? - No, but here's a hint.

- It's the rototiller. - Oscar...

So, Oscar, you know anything about a missing rototiller?

Yeah, it's missing from my shed,

because you took it away from me!

And now it's gone from the impound.

Gone? Well, I didn't take it!

What proof do you have?

Oscar, I have a talkst from Emma

- about you taking the rototiller. - What?

Hang on, not in front of Davis and Beat Head.

- It's Beatz Cop! - And Affidavis!

Out loud. It's a police matter.

Nuh-uh. Talksts are confidential

under my terms of service.

- And my terms of "get stuffed"! - He has a point.

The only way we can obtain his private messages

- is with a warrant. - Whose side are you on?

Hey, Bu! I have a talkst for you from Tina.

"This isn't working, the magic is gone.

I need some space to... " Oh, hang on, that's not yours.

Privacy settings! Erase! Erase!

What is even happening right now?

Here's the actual message from Tina. "Hey."

- Wanna say anything back to her? - I'll send her a selfie.

Oh, wait, I can't, 'cause the world is broken.

Uh, hold on a sec.

Take a selfie with this. It's a Polaroid.

Point it at you, and press the giant red button.

There's no screen.

How do I know if I'm being pouty enough?

Ew, it's spitting something at me!

No, that's the picture. See?

Oh... Okay, now add hashtag: "Onewithnature,"

hashtag: "Newnailpolish,"

hashtag: "Smashthepatriarchy."

- All right, done. - Also add the crazy face emoji.

I-I don't know if I can draw that.

No, I mean do it, with your face.

One eye closed, the other open.

Wider. Now stick out your tongue.

Head tilt. There, and send!

- Hey, Brent. - Oh, here we go...

Yeah, here we go.

I have something big planned.

...and you don't want to go alone.

So I just want to thank you in advance...

- For... - For giving Wanda the day off

so she can come with me when I go skydiving.

And you want me to... Wanda?

W-Why would you ask Wanda?

- For emotional support. - But... but... but...

Popcorn? Humble Pie?

Humble crow?

I-I can't believe you chose Wanda for emotional support.

Emotional and physical.

I get to shove her out of a plane.

- Oh, uh, not necessarily. - No, no, of course.

It's gonna happen.

But why Wanda? What's she ever done for anybody?

Wanda, could you go get that?

Hey! What was that for?

One, this isn't self-serve.

Two, I have to practice shoving people.

- Why? - Because kiss the dirt, that's why.

But I'm usually the person you come to

- for this kind of support. - Yeah, after a lot of whining

about how you don't want to be there.

That's our dynamic! You come to me with concerns,

- and I support-slash-mock you. - Exactly. So I figured

maybe you don't want to be my shoulder to lean on.

Plus, Wanda seems super excited.

- Quit doing that! - It's for science!

We don't need a warrant

to learn what Oscar's private message was.

We just need to use a sneakier weapon.

You wanna pepper-spray Emma?

- No, we need to play dumb. - I don't get it.

Yeah, like that.

Good afternoon, Emma.

My partner, Officer Pelly,

and I were trying to ascertain the whereabouts

of a missing rototiller which absconded from our impound.

You mean my rototiller that you confiscated?

We understand... I mean, don't understand

that you sent a talkst to Oscar about it.

I did. I merely told him that if he did steal back

the rototiller from you, he should return it.

So you're saying Oscar has it?

I don't know, but Oscar has been sending

a suspicious amount of private talksts

- through Hank today. - I see. Thank you for your time.

We need to hack into Hank's messaging system.

It's just a notepad in his pants.

We need to hack into Hank's pants.

How did this roasting pan get so grimy?

I'm never going to get this clean.

Come on, now. Let's give that attitude a makeover.

Excuse me?

The Lacey I know will have that pan spick and span,

and I'll be by your side till it's washed and dried.

Okay... I see what you're doing,

but I told you, Wanda's coming with me.

If Wanda was here,

she'd slap that pan right out of your hand.

Why are you rhyming?

Is this 'cause we all have rap names?

If I had a rap name, it'd be DJ Here-4-U.

That's pretty impressive, Hank,

but can you touch your toes? Statistically,

the average white, middle-class male

born on the prairies who wear their

ball cap backwards can't do it.

Yeah? Well, I'm not your average

white, middle-born male class prairie ball... uh, capper.

Watch this.

Ha! Look at that!

No probl... Hey, now!

Geez, Karen... I mean, Beatz Cop.

More like "Beatz-cop-a-feel."

If you want to get fresh, don't be shy.

- I can play ball. - Great. I'm gonna go boil my hand.

- Hey, do you want to see me juggle? - Do I?

Okay, I have this rock, and this gun.

I just need one more thing.

Do you have a ball, or a bowling pin,

- or maybe a notepad? - You're in luck!

Whoa, that is so cool!

Now let's light it all on fire!

No, no, that's enough for now.

Affidavis has to go back to work.

Have you ever seen a more amazing display

of sleight of hand? Ta-da!

Aw, I screwed it up.

Hank still has his notebook.

Yeah, and your gun. My turn.

Hey! Why'd you do that?

- It's for science. - Oh, then happy to help.

Thanks, Wanda. Oof!

- Hey! - Sorry, need to practice.

Wow... this roaster has never been this clean.

Brent really is good at motivating.

Pffft. Is there anything sadder

than a woman giving credit to a man

for how clean she got her own pan?

You, on the other hand, not so uplifting.

I'm here for the pushing, not the lifting.

- Whoopsie! - Hey!

I may have to rethink this.

So your talkst to Ravi is...

"Keep your dog off my lawn,

poop emoji, red X, knife emoji,

- skull and crossbones emoji." - Correct.

That's pretty dark, Mavis.

Can I at least add a cowboy emoji

- to lighten the mood? - You can add a clown.

They're still kinda scary,

but okay, let me write this, um...

Oh, no. Oh, no... my notepad's gone!

There's been a data breach in my britches!

Someone's going to read all the messages!

I can't read any of these messages.

They're encrypted!

Wait, no, that's just his bad handwriting.

What's Chili Cheese Face doing here?

- You changed my rap name? - I invited Brent for support.

After all the research I did...

and the blood, and sweat, and tears

of everyone I pushed to the ground?

He's just my emotional support.

You still get to push me out of the plane.

- Oh. - I'm just here to make sure

Lacey gets on the plane, and then my job is done.

Uh, no. You're coming up with me.

Hold on, what? That's not safe.

Hey, where's my emotional support?

I'm trying, but let's be honest,

- that's a shoddy plane. - That's just the name.

The owner's name is Frank Shoddy.

Yeah, and he's a notorious drunk.

Wanda, push Brent on the plane.

Oof!

- I can see why people don't like this. - Listen, buddy,

you made such a big deal about this earlier,

you're getting on that plane with me.

There better be snacks in here.

What is that grinding sound?

Are those loose bolts on the floor?

- Is that duct tape? - Stop!

All you're doing is making me more terrified!

Hey, at least you get to jump out of this plane.

We have to try and land in it.

Was that a whiskey bottle? See?

Can we just get to the part where I push somebody out?

I can't read any of this handwriting.

Look here, "Get tiger repellent"?

- That can't be right. - There must be other clues.

What are all these Polaroids with paperclips?

Paperclips? Those must be attachments.

This is a nice picture of Bu.

Hashtag: "TheCameraLovesHer."

Hold on a mo. Look at this.

Hashtag: "Busted."

Maybe you want to explain this.

- That's a lovely picture of Bu. - Look at the background.

That doesn't prove anything.

It proves you took the rototiller.

Yeah, you can prove anything with... proof.

But why send Oscar the talkst telling him to return it,

when you're the one who took it?

Isn't it obvious?

Yeah, to me, but explain it for Karen.

I knew if I made you suspicious of Oscar,

you'd spend all day following him around,

buying me enough time

to plant the potatoes in the boulevard.

Now they're in, there's nothing you can do about it.

Oh, yeah?

How will Oscar take it when we tell him

you set him up to be the patsy?

Ha! I've been in on it since the get-go,

and now all the boulevard potatoes are planted,

and there's nothing you can do about it.

I said that already.

Oh, sorry, I was behind a wall.

Actually, there is something we can do about it...

charge you both with theft and mischief

based on the confession you just gave.

She made me do it!

Attention, citizens of Dog River!

Have you ever heard the phrase,

"Don't shoot the messenger"?

I hope you'll all take that literally, because...

my notepad has been compromised.

My notepad with all your private messages?

I lost it. Some greasy weirdo

could be fingering through your thoughts right now.

You all seem to be taking this very well.

Sorry, what? I wasn't paying attention.

- The network's back up. - It is?

How did I get de-looped?

Aw, this is the belt situation all over again.

- Justice has been served. - Once again proving

that no one in Dog River is above the law.

I need you to drop all the charges

- against Oscar and Emma. - What? Why?

I'll also need you not to ask any questions.

- What? Why? - But we got a confession!

And I commend you both on your hard work,

but this is above your pay grade.

There you go, Fitzy.

One bag of last year's boulevard potatoes.

Mmm, taboo taters. Forbid-elicious.

Attention, little lady! We're at altitude!

I assume. I see clouds, so we must be close.

You have 30 seconds...

Whoa! Was that a goose?

I hate those things! Hurry up!

W-Whoa! You open the whole door?

Isn't there like a laundry chute?

Something I can't fit through?

I can't do this!

Yes, you can, and I will support you

by putting on this parachute.

And now, the moment I've been training for!

Lacey, go over to that open door,

close your eyes, and go limp!

You can do this! Listen to my voice.

I'll go close the door so we can hear better.

10,000 feet is no time to start a conversation.

10,000 feet?! That's too many feet!

10,000? That's a personal best!

Now who's a disappointment, Dad?

I gave my word!

So I'm gonna push you out of this plane,

if it's the last thing you do.

If I go, your throat's coming with me!

Oh! Oh, my god!

Brent's... dead.

- No, didn't he put on a parachute? - Oh, right! Right!

- Oh no, did he just put on my backpack? - Aah!

Nope. That was a parachute.

Way to go, Brent!

You ruined the best day of my life.

Really? There's no, "Are you okay?

How was plunging to the Earth without any training?"

That's why I'm mad.

That was my dream, not yours.

It was actually pretty thrilling. You should try it sometime.

- I was trying to try it! - And you stole my dream

of pushing someone out of a plane!

You pushed me out of a plane!

You got bumped out, accidentally.

I get no satisfaction from that.

Hey, you're alive! Made it down, safe and sound.

Just like the website promises.

Feel like, uh, signing my guestbook

and a couple of waivers? Standard stuff.

We can do this later.

Is it too much to ask for someone to cut me down?

Was that a tiger?

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ The same things you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

- ♪ I just... don't know ♪ - ♪ Ooh... ♪

- ♪ It's a great big place ♪ - ♪ Ooh... ♪

- ♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪ - ♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ And it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~