All language subtitles for The.Guide.to.the.Perfect.Family.2021.720p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-TEPES

NETFLIX PRESENTS

I hear they're removing

one hour of English next year,
is that right?

- Yes, the school decided...
- What?

That's why we come here.

Sports won't get them far.

They play at home.

Trilingualism's a must.

Kids are sponges.

Languages are essential.

Can we attend class with our child?

If understimulated,
gifted kids get bored easily.

- No cell phones?
- What if there's an emergency?

They use phones like we use pens.

But blue light disrupts sleep.

They want to bring back mandatory naps.

Mandatory naps? No way!
They won't sleep at night!

My kid's allergic to corn.
Are you popcorn free?

The smell alone is dangerous.

Are snacks organic?

Blue uniforms for boys
reinforce stereotypes.

My niece's school has a trans student.
Do you?

Do you keep score in sports?

- Our score out of 10?
- 20!

Good job!

I can do it!

Not bad.

Yeah! Keep going!

Go for it!

Unbelievable!

GOODNIGHT ALL!
# FABULOUSFAMILY #GRATEFUL

Good night.

Good night.

Sorry, it's just...

My stomach's really queasy
and tomorrow's a big day.

- Getting old, are we?
- It's not that.

Let's do it tomorrow, OK?

Good night.

OK.

Sorry. Can I take them off?

- Yeah. They're not...
- They're not sexy.

I wanted this all day.

Don't come yet, my love!

I'm coming!

Mommy?

Mathis!

Goddammit!

I had a heart attack.

OK, Mathis...

I had a bad dream.

Dad's told you before.
There are no monsters here.

Go to your room, OK?

I wanna sleep with you.

No, you can't.

Come to Mommy.

- No.
- Come.

Jesus!

You're not serious!

She revs me up and then...

What's this?

Give that here!

That's Mommy's magic wand.

It was quite the emotional ride last night
on our airwaves. Let's take a look.

EXAMINATION RESULTS

Marc Dupré told us
he'd never heard a child sing so well.

It's every parent's dream
to know your child...

will be a star. Sorry!

- Did you see my Nexiums?
- Yes. They're just here.

My sleeping pills too?

No.

OK!

Mommy made
a nice egg-white omelet for Mathis.

Move that, sweetie.

Yeah, time for breakfast. OK?

I don't want it!

Mathis!

Mathis has to eat.

All the experts agree.
A good breakfast is essential.

Why isn't he eating?

Hey, love!

- Good job!
- What?

A+ in History.

Do you work
or spend all day on the school portal?

The portal.

- All day?
- 100%.

- WE STILL ON?
- YES!

Oh, yeah!

You're gonna like this.
It's a new keto bread.

It's good.

It's very unexpected, but...

Yeah, it's really good.

Looks like it.

I'm gonna eat at school.

Mathis!

Have a good day.

Bye!

Bye, Rose!

- We're going to put the drawing away now.
- No!

Eat your fruit. Fruit's important.

It's good for you, sweetie. OK?

- Mathis!
- I don't want it.

Mommy's going to get very angry.

SUP! WHAT'S YOUR LOCKER NUMBER?

334B

THE OLD TOWER AND YOUR YOUNG MOM SEND LOVE

I MISS YOU

Ready for your science test?

Yeah. I have a bit of a stomachache.

Grade 11 is the most

"...important in high school."

You tell me that every 12 seconds.

So you don't end up a cashier

"...in a 7-Eleven." I know.

Hey.

You'll do fine.

- Who's my champ?
- I am.

The English tutor's coming tonight.

For you or me?

"Like I said, you know..."

- "Understand?"
- No. OK?

Bye, "understand."

Hey.

- I've been waiting for 15 min.
- I know.

- You got it?
- Yeah.

Hi.

- Can I have one?
- Of course.

They're so good!

Are things OK?

I'm tired. I just finished season eight
of Game of Thrones last night.

You gotta see it.

Sure. As soon as I have three years off.

Listen, Pierre-Luc, it'd be cool

if you got the bus company
to sign the insurance policy today.

We need to lower our price.

I lobbied head office for a lower rate,
but...

it's a long shot.

A venti skinny vanilla soy latte
easy whip 120º.

Hold on. Can I get pumpkin spice on it?

You were saying?

Hello.

Pumpkin spice, my ass!

Regarding the Girard Buses account,

I think you should visit them
in Sherbrooke.

Insurance is all about connection.

- They'll be happy to see you.
- They just want a better rate.

Annual sales of $200 million,

225 employees, our biggest contract...

It's worth the 90-minute drive.

So, a three-hour round trip.

We need to make our numbers.

OK?

I'm going to get a coffee.

Almond milk, come on.

Hey.

I overheard you and Pierre-Luc.

- The kid's got spunk.
- Yeah.

I know that you're his boss, but...

I think he's right about the rate.

I worry this contract
will damage your rapport,

and he'll quit.

I know, but...

We need young blood.
It'd be a shame if a rival lured him in.

He has a future here.

Not just because he's my son.

Of course not. I know.

I'll talk to him.

Thanks.

Five, six, seven, and eight.

Keep it tight.

Sarah, turn on seven, eight.

Rose, energy!

Energy, Rose!

Turn!

Your group insurance sales
are down nine percent.

Montreal and Laval are up.

Bravo, Éric. Good job!

But the region that's really lagging
is southern Quebec.

Yes,
but today we should sign Girard Buses.

That'll boost our figures.

Do we know who'll be VP in Toronto?

No, I made my recommendations,
but Toronto will decide, not Montreal.

They may want to choose someone in-house.
That's all I know.

Thank you all.

Let's go, girls!

Faster, girls!

Let's go!

Rose, pick up the pace, OK?

You're too predictable. OK? Let's go.

MATHIS FELL OFF THE COUCH.
HE MAY HAVE A CONCUSSION.

I GUESS HE'LL BE FINE.

What's with the panic?

There's no panic.

We have to close some deals.

Look, Martin.

I don't really like your tone.

What tone?

You're being kind of passive-aggressive
and dumping your stress on me.

It's not cool.

Sorry, but I didn't say you weren't good.

We have challenges,
and have to meet them.

Yeah, but I don't do well under pressure.

Maybe this isn't for me.

I hoped to do things differently,
to innovate.

I'm not doing that here.

You've been here eight months.

Nine.
It feels like I'm right where I started.

But you did just start.

OK.

Look. I'm moving to Toronto.

There will be openings here.

Exactly. Toronto, all that...

There you go, pressuring me again.

I don't want to make the same mistakes
my parents made

and build my life around my career.

I'm looking for quality of life.

Instead, I feel pressure.

Gun to my head, bending over backwards,
punching in at 9 a.m.

I'm no early bird.

Nobody's asking you to work nine to five.

But you can't work noon to five.

This is a job, not a hobby.

I watched this TED Talk on Netflix
that said to find your passion,

something you love so much,
you'd do it 24/7,

without ever feeling like it was work.

And this here, you know...

is not that.

So, if I got this right,
the problem is that your job

is too much work.

Sort of. Yeah.

That's kind of how life is.

Even Tom Cruise wakes up some days
and goes, “Ugh!

Not Mission: Impossible again!
I'm sick of it!"

Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise.

I'm not Tom Cruise.

That's for sure.

A job is not like some girl on Tinder.

You don't swipe...

left or right, or...

Left.

You don't swipe left on everything.

You earn a good living here.

It pays the rent, your car...

I'm not into the whole materialism thing,
you know.

I can always move back home.

Of course.

It's that simple.

I need you, Pierre-Luc.

Well, I'll think about it.

But for today, I'm gonna go home.

This has worn me out.

- It's 11:45 a.m.
- Yeah, but...

I feel all wound up now.

It's no fun.

Anyway...

Ciao.

Was the lumberjack costume
necessary in the middle of June?

OK, Dad.

It's pretty hard
getting everyone together, huh?

We'll get our apple-picking picture.

I won't miss it two years in a row!

I hate apple-picking.

How am I supposed to pretend to like this?

Robert, stop whining!

This'll get lots of likes on Facebook.

Oh yeah? By whom?

Your sisters, my cousins...

- All this for them?
- Yup.

- OK, can we just take the picture?
- Yeah.

In ten, nine...

Mathis!

He's a handful, alright!

A little clown!

Mathis, calm down.

Grandpa wants to get this over with.

OK!

In ten, nine...

Christ, Mathis!

- Martin. Mathis!
- Chrise!

OK, gang!

In ten...

Everyone, say "sex!" Lots of energy, OK?

Sex!

I'll just make sure it worked.

Jesus!

Apple-picking in June!

Next it'll be 4th of July photos
in the snow.

That'd make everyone on Facebook happy!

That's how it is nowadays, Dad.

- No. Not really.
- Actually, it is.

Families take pictures.

Your kid took off his diaper.

He's butt-naked!

He's cute.

He hates the feel of fabric on his skin.

- He hates it?
- He does.

I guess that's how it is nowadays too?

- Yeah.
- No, it's not.

I'm sorry, but, yeah.

Do you see anyone else's pecker here?

I'm due for a beer.

Not everyone agrees.

He gets anxious
and we want to help him.

- Come on!
- Don't "come on" me!

We're not gonna put him on meds.
If being naked calms him...

Are you for real?

- Grandpa?
- What?

What's the Wi-Fi password?

I've waited 15 years for a dishwasher,
so don't hold your breath for Wi-Fi.

They think it's probably
dysphasia or dyspraxia

or dysorthography.

Because he struggles
with the CH, R, and J sounds.

He uses Y instead of J.

He wants to play with his "yump" rope
with his friends "Yustin" and "Yon."

Maybe he's just Spanish.

He's only five, don't worry.

You think?

I don't want him behind in first grade.

Don't worry about first grade.

I mean, I'm going to home-school Jonas.

Kids spend too much time in class.

Too much time in class?

School is where workaholics
park their kids these days.

Right, I made us a pie,

some mac and cheese, a nice salad.

What's that?

It's because Mathis and I
are gluten intolerant.

I made us a vegan lunch.

Well, now I've seen everything!
A child who's allergic to macaroni.

At least he can eat my molasses bars.

I don't know. There's molasses in them.

You have to see this documentary called

Sugar is Killing Us on Netflix.

It's fascinating.

Molasses is not sugar.

Right. That's why it's called molasses.

It's OK. I brought a dessert with dates.

- There's also sugar in wine, you know.
- True!

But we love our little glass
of wine in the evening.

It's good not to go too overboard.

I'd like to make a toast to Mom and Dad.

Thanks for having us,
it's really nice of you.

To my love,

for the photo shoot
and the happy memories. Thank you.

And to Rose.

I went on the school portal today.

You got an A on your science test.

The advanced class, no less.

Way to go, my champ!

A deal's a deal.

We'll figure all that out at home, OK?

What's the deal?

If I get an A, he gives me $100.

B, I get $50. And C, it's fuck all.

If you get a D, do you give him $20?

No.

We invented a system
to keep her motivated and on it,

not like those damn slacker millennials.

That's all.

It's time.

Some eat before the rest of us.

Stock markets are down
two to five percent.

Great. On to sports.

Toronto leads in baseball,
hockey, and soccer.

Has Montreal become a city of losers?

Oh, yeah. I finally got through
to the guy on the statistics website.

He's gonna add the two assists he forgot.

OK.

- Do you have dance today?
- No, tomorrow.

I'll be studying and eating
at Cathou's tonight.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Who's my champ?

I am.

Who's my champ?

Bye.

You said Pierre-Luc would come,
but he never showed up.

I'll have to take your competitor's offer.

No, Mr. Girard, look...

Pierre-Luc got held up.
I'll personally take care of this.

This is unprofessional.

You can't even come see us
to win us over as clients.

Imagine when we have a complaint.

I'm sorry, Mr. Girard.
My daughter's school is calling.

I'll check if it's an emergency. One sec.

Hello?

Mr. Dubois,
this is Lyne Blouin of Cardinal College.

How can I help you?

We need to talk about Rose.

I'm listening.

No, in person. Now.

I can't. I have a work emergency.

It's important, sir.

I'm on my way.

Mr. Girard!

Mr. Girard?

Hello?

Hello. I'm here to see...

Thanks.

What's going on?

MOM:
I LOVE YOU

Really?

Thanks for coming so quick.

No problem.

Rose says her mom is abroad?

She's on tour in Europe till tomorrow.

What's going on?

As you may have noticed,

Rose's grades have been excellent
for several weeks.

Oh that?

Yes, and we're very pleased.

We realize how important
Grade 11 is for Rose's future.

So we devised a little system
to motivate her, right?

It just so happens
that there's been rumors

that Rose has been buying tests
from previous years.

Excuse me?

Rose has been buying tests.

That's impossible.

- She works so hard.
- I understand.

But we opened Rose's locker and...

we were able to confirm

that Rose did indeed
have tests from previous years.

Your teachers reuse
the same tests every year?

That's the scandal. It's unprofessional.

I'm not defending Rose...

In her locker, we also found...

THC candy,

Xanax,
and other pills she traded for tests.

In case you've been looking
for your sleeping pills...

Rose is suspended until final exams.

We will discuss next year later.

Hello? Home already?

- Rose, get in here!
- No!

Get in here!

The cow says, "Moo!"

Martin? What's going on?

Can you tell me?

The duck says, "Quack!"

Do you realize...

you could flunk the year?

I don't give a shit.

Do you realize
how that affects your record?

You'll be seen as a liar,
a cheater, a junkie.

No respectable university
is going to accept you!

Fine, so be it.

You're ruining your future!

- Martin, Mathis is here.
- Let him hear it!

I won't repeat myself.

All the money, the effort we put in.
What will people think?

It's my reputation, not yours.

No, kiddo.

You bear my name. We're both affected.

Why?

Why, Rose?

How should I know?

How... Are you bullshitting me?

If I don't cheat, I can't get As

and get into a school you want for me.

I suck at school.

Stop saying you suck.

The cow says, "Moo!"

And the drugs?

Why drugs?

Mute that damn thing!

I don't know how.

Don't tell me
drugs help you get better grades.

- Hello?
- What?

- I'm talking to you!
- I'm listening!

Why?

Maybe because when I'm stoned,

I don't give a shit.

I don't give a shit about school,
math, hockey...

or you.

Go to your room.

You're on a 9:30 p.m. curfew.

Give me your phone. No more texting.

I have my iPad.

- Give it to me.
- I need it for homework.

Want me to flunk my finals?

The cow says, "Moo!"

What happened?

Christ!

Chrise!

You OK?

I'm OK.

But our daughter...

got suspended from school.

I know.

You knew?

I still talk to her, even from Europe.

Maybe more than you do.

Ever since you left me...

Ever since we split up.

Ever since you decided
to break up our family,

I'm the one living with her.

Every day.

It's hard for me and her,

so go easy on the armchair coaching.

She's been cheating for weeks.

Not to minimize it, but everyone cheats.

Too bad she got caught.

I'm glad you're not minimizing it!

Here.

Your Ativan.

ISABELLE (OFFICE)
DID YOU CLOSE WITH GIRARD BUSES?

I feel like I'm discovering someone.

Like I don't know my own daughter.

It's...

It's fucking humiliating!

You're making this about you?

I mean, of course...

I feel bad.

You don't feel bad, you feel ashamed.
There's a difference.

Yeah, I'm ashamed.

When I hear,
“My daughter's on the Canadian team.”

“She's in medicine or engineering.”
What do I say?

“Me? My daughter applies fake eyelashes

at a shop in the middle of nowhere.

A dream come true!"

So what if she does fake nails?

Don't you get it?

Why not try to understand her?

Understand why she is where she is.

What I understand
is we were too permissive.

Too soft.

Yes. There have to be consequences.

It has to hurt.

Come on.

Let's try therapy.

MARIE-SOLEIL:
BE ON TIME

Shit.

I have to go. It's Mathis's graduation.

Graduation? How old is he?

Five. His daycare graduation.

A diploma for playtime
and going potty on his own?

Léo!

I want to be a hockey player.

Chanelle.

I'm going to be a doctor.

Margaux.

I'm going to be prime minister.

Mathis.

When I grow up, I'll be...

I'll be...

a hairdresser!

Astronaut.

Atronaut!

He wants to be an astronaut.
Isn't he cute?

Yeah, and it's his idea, too.

Stop it!

- I have to.
- No, Martin.

- Just two minutes.
- No!

- I'll be right back.
- Seriously?

No, Isabelle. You're right.

I thought Pierre-Luc was on it, and then...

I had a situation at home.
But I'll do it now.

Yes.

Put the cap on and hold up your diploma.

- No!
- Yes, smile!

- No!
- My love, please.

Put it on for Mom.

- No!
- Mathis!

What are you doing?

Don't do that.

You smashed it. Boys will be boys!

# SUCCESS #SMARTKID #BLESSED
# PROUD #SCHOOLOUT

# KIDS #FAMILY #BLESSED #IMPROMPTU

Look at him!

Isn't the little cutie pie so handsome?

Wow, the ceremony, the party,
the paper graduation cap, it's...

I hear you.

I know.
Sometimes I find it's too much, too.

But everyone does it.

You don't want him to be the only one
without a graduation,

a diploma, a party, you know what I mean?

Me, when in doubt, I just do the thing.

Since we're doing the drywall,
don't you wanna set up a TV area?

No, leave it as it is.
I'll do my home cinema later.

A home cinema?
You'll need soundproofing.

It's fine as is.

Rose is still practicing her shots,
and Mathis may get into hockey too.

God, you can be so intense!

Will he get $10 whenever he scores?

What's intense is breastfeeding
a kid with more teeth than his Dad.

OK, boys...

But nothing beats
Rose's history presentation.

Did she get an A? No, sorry, A+.

A PowerPoint done
by a graphic designer from your office.

And then you wonder
why she cheats at school?

Fuck off, Joe Compost.

I'm not gonna get lectured by a dude
who did car sharing for ten years.

So what?

Christ, guys! Knock it off!

The problem is you listen
to your kids too much.

Kids don't always understand.

They're not full humans.

Did I hear right?

I think so.

You wanna encourage them.

My eldest wants to audition
for a big TV dance show.

So she's a good dancer?

Not really, but what am I supposed to say?

“Sorry, love. You're no good.”

It'll destroy her self-confidence.

What if she gets on the show and blows it?

It'd be devastating for her, I know.

Humiliated on live TV.

That'll mean years of therapy.

So what are you gonna do?

I booked a trip to Disneyland
the week of her audition.

Scheduling conflict.

The best way
to avoid the subject and disappointment.

Not a bad idea.

Hey! I said, not too far!

Kids today are messed up
because they don't know fear.

No fear of their parents,
teachers, cops, nothing!

Fear is a damn good motivator.

When I was a kid, if I came home late...

Bam! The wooden spoon!

If I was rude? Bam! The wooden spoon!

If the Habs lost? Bam! The wooden spoon!

- At times I couldn't sit down!
- Too many splinters in your ass, huh?

- What?
- It doesn't mean hitting is OK.

- I never hit you.
- You did.

What did you call them?
"Slaps on the head"?

Compared to what I got,
a slap on the head,

I did you a favor, kid!

You can skip the educational advice.

Teenagers these days are...

- no picnic.
- You think?

I think they screw up
way less than we did.

Steph...

Let me remind you that Rose
got caught with dope at school.

Yes. At 16, you smoked dope too.

- What?
- Come on, Dad! Who cares?

I know Thomas smokes it sometimes.

The basement reeks!

What? Your kid smokes in your house

and you shrug it off?

You're nuts.

I prefer he does it under supervision,

where he is safe.

If he wants to do heroin,

are you gonna buy him needles

so he doesn't get a boo-boo?

The first time Rose has sex,

do you want it to be at home
or in some alley?

I'd rather she not do it.

Besides, I'm her father, not her friend.

We don't talk about that.
And keeping secrets from your parents...

is part of the thrill.

Right, like secretly buying tests.

That's what she did.
And that's what's got your goat.

Thanks.

Rose is a very intelligent girl.

We talked a lot about her fatigue,

her trouble sleeping,

loss of appetite, stomach aches,

skin issues, anxiety, and low self-esteem

because she thinks she's ugly and fat.

Has she felt this way a long time?

She said that?

Yes, they're her words.

Well, there's...

Wait. You didn't notice any of that?

Are you done accusing me?

Don't you talk to her?

- Yes, I do talk to her.
- So, what did you do?

You dance in Barcelona

while I freeze my ass off in some arena!

This isn't about you.

Please, we're not here to assign blame.

Rose's symptoms are typical of depression.

A depression due to anxiety,
specifically performance anxiety.

Sorry, but...

Give me a break. Depression?

She's 16.

You don't get depressed at 16.

Her biggest problem
is when we run out of sliced bread.

You know, Martin,

depression can hit at any age.

Apologies.

I won't argue.
You're an expert on depression.

- Oh, screw you.
- Isn't it hereditary?

She may only be 16,
but she has a very busy schedule.

She fears disappointing you.

Disappointing you.

Look...

Rose is my pride and joy.

I keep telling her that.

You should stop saying, “I believe in you.
You're the best. You can do it."

It's pressure.

She's my champ!

You have to stop saying that too.

I always recommend
talking things out over punishment.

When someone calls me "champ,"
I don't feel insulted.

For now, I suggest
she take a break from all her activities.

And she should probably
take meds for her anxiety.

Right. Pills.

She already self-medicates with cannabis.

You should spend
more quality time with her.

Fine with me.
I already spend time with her.

We do lots of stuff together.

We hang out a lot as a family.

I spend more time with my kids in a week

than my dad did in a year.

Quality time.

He means quality time.

It will help her.

You too.

What, me?

Your absences have left a huge void.

Interesting.

- It's not the same.
- It never is.

I travel for work. I have no choice.

We always have a choice, ma'am.

Always, ma'am.

- Stop it.
- Always.

According to him. And you chose him.

You could also eat dinner with Rose

with no TV, no phone, no iPad.

Sure.

You could talk to her differently.

Instead of giving her orders,
ask her questions.

“What time will you shower?”

Rather than, “Go shower!”

Or, “Do you mind emptying the dishwasher?”

Not, “Empty the dishwasher.” See?

I shouldn't have to ask her
to do those things, but fine.

Questions, not orders. Got it.

You may have stretched her to the limit,
Mr. Dubois.

I'm glad we're not here to assign blame.

Anyway.

It's not my fault if I'm a shitty parent.
It's my parents' fault. Right?

Isn't that how it goes?
It's like an endless chain.

You pass it on,
but what you're passing is shit.

Is that it?

Don't want it!

Mathis!

This boy!

I need to find a way
to channel his aggression.

Nothing?

He's a kid. Give him a break.

Lucky for him.

Here, watch the iPad.

Put down...

Could you put down your phone, please?

He's allowed, but not me?

He's five.

Fine.

There, let's lighten the mood.

Great song, huh?

Yeah, especially if you're living in 2018.

Right.

Could you dial down the sarcasm, please?

I think musicians are so amazing.

I would love to have that talent,

but I'm sure you have to start young.

Justin Bieber started when he was three.

He could drum!

Tell your...

Did you tell your coach
you'd be missing your weekend games?

Yeah.

Anything you'd like to share?

Like what?

I don't know.

The therapist said
you have a lot on your mind.

Martin, we're having dinner.

Is there...

anything I can do to help you feel better?

You could stop talking to me
like I'm a moron.

After dinner,
we could maybe play a board game?

- Huh?
- Your brother's family loves them.

They also let their son shit on the floor.

We'll play. Good idea.

How do we play?

Everybody takes a card
and puts it in their headband.

And we ask questions
to guess what the card says.

They can only be yes or no questions.

- Does that make sense?
- Yes.

I wanna pway.

No, it's too complicated.

I wanna pway!

You're too young.

No, come on.
Mathis and Mommy will be a team. OK?

Can Mathis pick a card?

- Yiraffe!
- No, Mathis!

- Mathis!
- No. It's "giraffe," not "yiraffe."

I don't think that's the issue.

I know. Alright,

Mathis will pick another card,
but this time

we won't look at it.

OK. Rose! Your turn.

OK. Am I a...

- Soccer ball!
- Christ!

- Martin! Mathis!
- Chrise!

I knew this would happen.
Screw your dumb game.

Wait! We're just warming up.

- I'm not into it.
- Sit down.

Look, I'll go.

I'll show you how winners do it.
Mathis, zip it.

- Am I a man?
- No.

- So, I'm a woman?
- Nope.

Didn't you lose your turn?

With just three players, you adapt.

There are four of us.

We adapt if it suits you.

I'm not a man or a woman.
Am I an animal?

- No.
- Well, yes, kind of.

That's not an animal.

It's part of an animal.

The question was, “Am I an animal?"

Not, “Was I an animal
before being on your plate?"

Sure, give it away.

The answer is no.

Bacon!

Fuck, Mathis!

Fuck!

Watch your mouth!
He has a right to play too.

He can do whatever he wants!

He's only ruining the game!

Watch your tone.

Bacon! How could anyone guess that?

- Screw this.
- No, wait a second.

Hold on.

It's a game.

- It's shitty, and so is this family!
- Enough. No!

You're being shitty
and a bad influence on Mathis.

You're a bad influence,

talking to him in the third person!

Mathis is a spoiled little brat.
That's how you're raising him!

Because you're an example
of a successful child, I guess!

Shove it, you're not my mom!

Rose!

Oh, is Marie-Soleil upset?

Oh, no, why is Marie-Soleil upset?

- Rose, that's enough.
- Fuck off.

Rose! That's enough!

"Rose?" Is that it?

Your kid... your daughter...

is a jerk, just like you!

So much for a fun evening of quality time!

HITLER

ROBBIE'S HAVING A PARTY. YOU COMING?

DUNNO. TOO MUCH STUDYING TO DO.

Hello, everyone!

You'll see, it's a great class.

It will do us some good.
Things are tense at home.

You'll see that I have a very playful
and practical approach.

To make things a little more tangible,

but, above all, fun,

we're going to start
with the paper ball exercise.

Here you go.
Alright, stand on your mat.

Feet about hip-width apart.

Let's all take
a nice deep breath in together,

directing all our energy
toward our center, our heart.

Now, we'll take all our frustration

and direct it into the paper ball.
That's right. Go for it.

Let's take a big step to the right

and bend our knees
to really connect to the ground.

You too, big guy. Good.

Now take another nice deep breath in,

stretch your left arm out
in front of you and your right arm behind,

and as you exhale, throw your anger out!

Yes, go for it!
We want to get the anger out.

Great, that's it!

So at home, instead of getting mad
at your brother, your sister

or even your mom,

take your big ball of anger
and throw it away.

Can you feel that your anger's gone?

Ouch!

Has anyone seen Pierre-Luc?

He's at an indie music festival.

He's where?

No, "indie" is a type of music,
not a city.

Here... He just sent us this.

He looks wasted.

# SPRINGBREAK #BLACKOUT

Dammit.

Everything OK?

Girard Buses have dropped us.

Oh boy!

I know.

Everything is so complicated right now.

Work, home...

My eldest isn't doing so well.

Rose?

Why, is she sick?

She's not sick, she has these...

minor issues...

We're seeing a therapist.

Me too, with my eldest son.
It's tough right now.

He smokes.

A lot.

Too much.

Pot.

He takes anti-depressants, sleeping pills.

Spends all day killing everyone
on video games.

He's 12th worldwide in Killing Gap.

Worldwide? Wow!

- Wow.
- Yeah, thanks.

But my wife thinks
he has an internet addiction.

She worries he might do
something dumb if left alone.

- And his studies?
- He quit.

He's 20, I can't force him.

If I kick him out, where will he go?

I'm screwed.

Are you sure Rose doesn't have ADD?

No idea. Why?

My daughter had anxiety
and couldn't concentrate.

I put her on Concerta
and she's doing better.

Really?

She's like many
who are too creative to fit in.

Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, Mozart...

Justin Timberlake.

Really?

Can I come live with you after your tour?

- And leave your dad?
- I'm considering it.

I mean, it depends.

What about school?

Dad wants me to do pre-med in English

and earn a hockey scholarship.

I didn't ask what your father wanted.

Where do you want to go?

I'm not sure.

He'll say, “My money, my call."

Yeah, but you. What do you want?

I don't know.

I'm bad at everything.

That's not true.

You're good at lots of stuff.
Sports, arts, languages.

You're a gifted dancer.

Maybe I'd like to enroll
in photography at Vieux Montréal.

That sounds cool.

I wouldn't be far from your condo.

Yeah.

We'd be roommates.

But if I got a hockey scholarship,

I'd be crazy to turn it down.

Only if you want to go to college.

You can't do much without a degree.

Education opens up doors.

I don't wanna be a cashier in a 7-Eleven.

No, that would be awful.

What do you mean?

Ready to order?

The chicken breast, please.

Fries or salad?

Salad. Dressing on the side.

- To drink?
- Just water.

Do you have poutine? Your most indulgent?

Sure, bacon poutine is a house specialty.

Perfect, I'll take it.

And another glass of wine.

- Excuse me!
- Yes?

Forget the salad, I'll have the poutine.

- Yeah!
- With a Coke, please.

You still seeing that Midget AAA star?

Mom...

Did you sleep with him yet?

Mom, keep your voice down!

- You slept with him!
- Mom!

Thanks. It was cool.

If you need boy advice, I can coach you.

OK, bye!

I'm an expert on boys.

- Your English tutor's here.
- I saw.

Wait.

Look, don't freak out...

I'm getting her assessed
by a neuropsychologist

to see if she has ADD.

Where's this coming from?

It would explain her moodiness,
her problems at school, lack of friends.

Of course, you book her schedule full.

We have nothing to lose.

If she's diagnosed,
she can go on Concerta.

- Concerta?
- Yeah, Concerta.

Steve Jobs, Walt Disney
and Mozart had ADD

and they did OK.

Who gives a shit about Mozart?

- You get my point.
- Stuff her with pills...

Is that easier than hanging with her?

You see your daughter once a month,
and you're lecturing me?

Fine.

See you!

Hey!

The tutor's gone?

Yeah, I finished.

Cool.

Robbie's throwing a party tonight.

Can I go?

Robbie!

My favorite.

That stuck-up jock thinks
he's good enough to play in the NHL.

I don't care about him,
but everyone's going.

OK. I hear you, but...

you got suspended from school.

So you can't go to school parties.

It's not a school party.

I have the right to see my friends.

Yeah, I get that...

We're talking two weeks.

You've got two weeks
to study for your finals.

In two weeks you can party
with your friends all summer.

Focus, Rose.

I understand.

Do you know if Mathis pooped today?

Hmm?

Or yesterday?

I don't know. Why?

I don't like this one bit.

He needs to go regularly
before he starts first grade.

Damn.

Poor kid. He inherited my gut flora.

OK, so he refuses to eat,
mispronounces consonants,

and forgets to shit.

I think we scored a lemon.

Oh my God! Check this out!

They're brushing their teeth in the bath.

- Who?
- Your brother's kids. Look.

They're such hippies!

Their mouths
will be full of fecal coliform.

You have a fecal fixation.

Listen to this.

“Don't worry about the state
of your teen's room.

It's their form of self-expression."

"Dear parents,
keep a diary of your emotions."

Or here: “Take a day off
to take your teen to a museum.”

They're crazy!

Have her spit in your face and say,

“Again, please!" Seriously?

No, wait. Look.

"Evening is best for quiet talks."

"Go wish them good night,
like when they were young."

That one's not bad.

“Tell them, 'I love you' every day.”

If you were open-minded,
you'd admit they're good suggestions.

- The lawyer's never far away.
- Nope.

Your workouts are paying off.
You look hot.

Thanks.

Mommy?

What?

This kid can't sleep
any better than he can poo.

Mathis, go to your room.

I had a bad dream.

No, don't start with that.

There are no monsters here. To your room!

Quit fooling around.

Mathis!

I wanna sleep with you.

- OK, come here.
- No!

Come to Mommy.

I LOVE MATH!

Eyes off the screen. Sleepy time.

Shit!

ROSE
CALLING

FAMILY NETWORK
LOCATE A DEVICE

ROSE'S PHONE: HOME

Goddammit!

Not easy, huh?

What are you doing?

No.

What are you doing?

Rose.

Hi.

- Hello.
- You OK?

Yeah. Just...

a bit tired.

The quarterly report.

Right. I wanted to say that...

we'll know
about the Toronto thing tomorrow.

Cool.

I scouted two or three houses.

Martin? You're home already?

- Hey!
- Hello!

Sophie told me she's pregnant!

A little boy!

Congrats!

We know it's a boy

because Daniel insisted it be a boy,

so we flew to Atlanta
for gender selection.

Congratulations.

Like Daniel says,

“The Habs need a center forward,
so we'll make one!"

Good one!

- Is Rose downstairs?
- Yes, she's downstairs.

You OK?

I'm alright.

Ready for your finals?

Don't worry, I'll pass.

My math tutor's coming.

Want to spend a few days at Grandpa's?

It's Princess Venus!

Mathis!

Give Mom the magic wand right now!

Sorry, Sophie. Give me a sec.

Just us two,
without Mathis and Marie-Soleil.

Yeah, OK.

Yes.

Oh no.

- Hey! I liked that one!
- This one's good!

No!

Dad!

My God!

- No!
- Dad, please!

Oh my God.

Your face!

Oh, God,
you have such an ugly singing face!

- Ugly?
- You're like, "Oh."

- I swear.
- You don't get talent.

Hello!

Hey, Dad.

Hello.

There he goes! Off the cliff!

The wee guy belly-flopped onto his balls.
He thought he'd busted one.

Dad, you and uncle Stéphane were insane!

Dad, don't show her that.

I forgot what daredevils you were!

We've never done that together.

It's like the high board at the pool.
I'm not going back.

When did you become a wuss?

When you have kids,
a lot starts to scare you.

They're giving it to Éric?

It's just office gossip.
Nothing's been confirmed.

I can't believe
they'd give it to that dick!

It might not be true.

It happens.

I have to go.

I'll keep you posted.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Hey, how is it you have a signal?

I came here with my coffee and it worked.

Yeah, I have one bar.

Hey!

Wanna go fishing?

They're biting here?

No idea. I frigging hate fishing!

Why'd you buy all that stuff then?

Old folks love it.
I thought I should love it too!

But it's fucking boring!

So...

how about the cliff?

Hmm?

Are we going to jump?

No, no. I'm not jumping.

Why?

I'm not jumping off.
Besides, the water's freezing.

Is Daddy a little bit of a chicken?

Rose, please, stop it.

Yeah, OK. You're scared, huh?

Oh, Daddy's scared.

OK.

Get your swimsuit.

CONFIRMED. ÉRIC GOT THE JOB. SORRY

Dad.

We said no phones.

It's important.

ISABELLE (OFFICE)
CAN I CALL YOU? 5 MINUTES. PLS.

It's always important.

Careful!

We're gonna tip over. Shift your weight.

Left! I'm here, so you go left!

OK, sorry!

If you're grouchy, I'll use my phone.

No. You paddle.

- I am.
- Paddle harder.

You're never satisfied.

Right! Who wanted to go to the cliff?

You did. We're going, so paddle.

That's what I'm doing.

Seriously, let's just go back.

Yeah, that's right.
Give up, why don't you?

You're good at that! Who cares?
Just give up, no big deal.

Give me a break.

One day, you'll thank me.

I never asked for anything.

Who wanted to go to private school?

Tutoring, dance classes, hockey?

Not you, you never ask for anything.

Stop or I'll jump in and swim back.

Yeah, sure.

I'm warning you, I will.

Go ahead.

Great.

Real smart.

In the water. No life jacket.

Proving how brave you are?

Soon you're gonna ask me
to help you get back in?

I'm in the water too!

If you quit, you drown.

- We both drown.
- No!

If I drown, it's just me. Not us two.

It's my life, not our life!

You're stressing me out!

I feel like I never do anything right.

You make me feel like a loser.

You can't be a winner
if you call yourself a loser!

You even sound like a loser.

Just leave me alone!

You think you're a winner?

Did you get your fucking promotion?

No, you didn't.

You're a loser.
You're second-rate, just like me,

because I'm the daughter of a loser!

But at least I know it!

Is that everything?

Yeah.

Just go home, Jean-François.

Really?

Yeah.

OK, then. Bye.

# FABULOUSFAMILY #GRATEFUL #DAD

# FABULOUSFAMILY #GRATEFUL #KIDS

You miss her.

It'll do them good to be together.

I'm lucky I have you.

We make a good team.

A team?

What team?

Well, you, me...

- Our family.
- You mean your team.

I guess.

Yeah, it's true I'm on your team.

But you're not on mine.

Feeling tired?

Jesus, you can be so condescending.

You have no idea...

the pressure I face as a mother.

Daycare, laundry...

If he's eating enough vegetables,

if his teeth are straight,
if his foreskin's retracting!

All the while being
a girlfriend and a naughty lover

who works out
and watches her diet so you find her sexy.

So, yeah...

Sometimes I do feel a bit tired.

Is there any way I can help?

Maybe stop offering solutions
and listen to me?

I'm listening now.

Why do I spend my days

reading about child development?

Because you don't!

- No, it's not that...
- I come across as nuts.

But I'm making up for your indifference

by reading articles,
magazines, and 1000-page books,

like The Baby and the Bathwater,

that continuously
remind me how I'm fucking up our son.

But you don't care. Not one bit.

He's not my first child,
so I'm more laid back.

Well, he is my first. And only.

And for good it seems!

When I used to work, I had a team.

Other people to help me.

But as a mother, if I screw up...

it's over.

You know, we discussed all this before...

I know we had a deal.

But now the deal is off.

I need help, Martin.

I feel lost.

I don't know who I am anymore.

Or what I'm worth.

As a mother, as a woman.

- Let me talk!
- Shush! You'll wake him up.

It sure won't be you
who puts him back to sleep.

I'm in parental burnout.

I can't stand the little fucker anymore!

Why didn't you tell me before?

I don't want to disappoint you.

I understand Rose.

We're all in your life,
trying to be perfect

and do the right thing

for you to be proud of us.

To be on your team.

You look pretty!

I told you.

I like seeing you smile.

Thank you.

Notice the guys staring?

Maybe.

They were checking you out.

Should I be proud
or go smack them on the head?

My little baby!

I can't believe you're already a woman!

Tell that to Dad!

I'm almost 17
and he treats me like I'm eight.

Forget your dad.

What happens with Mom,
stays with Mom. OK?

- What's up?
- I'm good, you?

Yeah. This is Robin.

- Caroline.
- Hi. A pleasure.

- Hi, I'm Robin.
- Hey. Rose.

- So, where are you back from?
- Paris.

Hey! My girl!

- I'm gonna go.
- No, five minutes.

Stay. I'll call an Uber.

- You'll get an Uber?
- Yes.

I'm here for a few weeks.

- Call me?
- You bet!

Stay with him. I'm going to bed.

Hold on a minute.

- You've been drinking. I'll come up.
- I'll be fine

I'm gonna crash.
I'm burned out from my finals.

Sure you'll be OK?

Sure.

I love you.

Do you know I love you?

I love you.

I love you so much.

OK.

OK, bye.

When I get home tomorrow,
we'll go out for brunch.

Yeah, fine.

ROSE

HI! HOW ARE

RESULTS: WINTER SEMESTER

MATH: 56. FAIL

Hello.

Hi.

Are you OK?

Yes.

Can I help you?

I was hoping you could go
for coffee with Pierre-Luc

and start over with him.

He had a rough patch.

But he was diagnosed as ADD
and he's doing better.

He has so much potential.

Sometimes I wonder if...

by repeating to our kids how smart,

bright, fantastic they are...

we don't end up convincing ourselves
they are exceptional.

Fred, your boy is...

Your boy is average.

He's no moron.

He's not bad.

He's just average.

He'll be an average employee
with an average career.

And that's fine.

I'm sorry.

I don't agree.

You know...

Whatever Pierre-Luc becomes is his doing.

It doesn't reflect on you as a parent.

Hello!

Baby?

Rose?

Rose!

Answer me!

What did you do?

Answer me, please! What did you do?

Help me! Somebody! Please!

Hello.

It's me.

What's up?

It's Rose.

What did she do?

She took my pills.

I'm sorry.

I'm the one who's sorry.

Do you keep score in sports?

I suppose. Why?

Losing creates enough frustration.

It humiliates kids.

Why can't he let his hair grow?

His teddy is a transitional toy.

Are vaccines compulsory?

They make kids sick.

- It's all about profit.
- Hello? And measles?

Vaccines kill.

Australian schools require them.

Then send your kid to school in Australia.

- Excuse me?
- Please!

Were you talking to me?

He's fine.

Subtitle translation by: Harry Darkins