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1
00:00:00,063 --> 00:00:01,314
Graham's brought his car.
2
00:00:01,354 --> 00:00:04,984
He wants me to run away with him.
My car's in the disabled bay.
3
00:00:05,024 --> 00:00:07,242
His back's poorly,
they give him a badge. OK.
4
00:00:07,283 --> 00:00:08,775
We're getting out of here.
5
00:00:08,815 --> 00:00:10,630
This is Lee,
he used to go out with Becky.
6
00:00:10,670 --> 00:00:13,776
Yeah, Steve's told me all about you.
Has he? No.
7
00:00:13,816 --> 00:00:15,308
You haven't been drinking, Becks.
8
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,809
You'd better not be pregnant.
9
00:00:17,849 --> 00:00:20,874
Don't say anything to anyone,
cos I haven't told Steve yet.
10
00:00:20,914 --> 00:00:24,262
It's a big day, Paul, and you've
gotta do what you think's right.
11
00:00:24,302 --> 00:00:26,843
You've gotta make a decision
and stick to it.
12
00:00:29,061 --> 00:00:32,140
Will you all
please stand for the bride?
13
00:00:40,178 --> 00:00:46,696
? Somewhere over the rainbow
14
00:00:46,736 --> 00:00:52,534
? Way up high
15
00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:59,172
? There's a land that I've heard of
16
00:00:59,212 --> 00:01:05,211
? Once in a lullaby
17
00:01:05,251 --> 00:01:11,649
? Somewhere over the rainbow
18
00:01:11,689 --> 00:01:17,807
? Skies are blue
19
00:01:17,847 --> 00:01:24,125
? And the dreams
that you dare to dream
20
00:01:24,165 --> 00:01:29,044
? Really do come true
21
00:01:29,084 --> 00:01:32,403
? Some day I'll wish upon a star
22
00:01:32,443 --> 00:01:39,281
? And wake up where the
clouds are far behind me... ?
23
00:01:39,321 --> 00:01:40,720
You look really great.
24
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:44,359
? Where troubles melt
like lemon drops
25
00:01:44,399 --> 00:01:47,239
? Away above the chimney tops
26
00:01:47,279 --> 00:01:53,237
? That's where you'll find me
27
00:01:53,277 --> 00:01:59,995
? Somewhere over the rainbow
28
00:02:00,035 --> 00:02:03,194
? Bluebirds fly... ?
29
00:02:03,234 --> 00:02:05,313
Kiss my hand, Paul.
30
00:02:05,353 --> 00:02:06,913
ALL: Aww. Veil.
31
00:02:06,953 --> 00:02:10,952
? Birds fly over the rainbow... ?
Paul, veil.
32
00:02:10,992 --> 00:02:16,190
? Why then, oh, why can't I? ?
Kiss me on the lips.
33
00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:19,949
LAUGHTER
34
00:02:19,989 --> 00:02:22,309
Please be seated.
35
00:02:38,304 --> 00:02:40,463
Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen,
36
00:02:40,503 --> 00:02:43,103
and welcome to the wedding
of Laura and Paul.
37
00:02:43,143 --> 00:02:46,742
My name is Caroline, and I will be
conducting the ceremony today,
38
00:02:46,782 --> 00:02:47,901
and this is Claire,
39
00:02:47,941 --> 00:02:50,980
who will be making the legal record
of the marriage.
40
00:02:51,020 --> 00:02:52,860
SHE GIGGLES AND GASPS
41
00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:54,419
LAUGHTER
42
00:02:54,459 --> 00:02:57,618
Over the years, Laura and Paul's
love for one another
43
00:02:57,658 --> 00:02:59,378
has grown and matured,
44
00:02:59,418 --> 00:03:03,177
and now they have decided to come
together as husband and wife.
45
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,936
LAURA GIGGLES
46
00:03:05,976 --> 00:03:10,175
Paul and Laura, as you prepare
to take these vows,
47
00:03:10,215 --> 00:03:13,054
give them careful thought
and consideration,
48
00:03:13,094 --> 00:03:16,053
for you are making an exclusive
commitment to each other
49
00:03:16,093 --> 00:03:19,172
for as long as you both shall live.
50
00:03:19,212 --> 00:03:22,611
If you'd like to take Laura's right
hand with your right hand,
51
00:03:22,651 --> 00:03:24,491
and place it on Paul's left hand.
52
00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:31,209
Do you give this woman to be
married to this man?
53
00:03:31,249 --> 00:03:32,328
I do.
54
00:03:32,368 --> 00:03:35,608
Thank you. You can now sit down.
Well done, Nigel!
55
00:03:35,648 --> 00:03:37,847
LAUGHTER
56
00:03:41,966 --> 00:03:43,645
Next.
57
00:03:43,685 --> 00:03:44,925
Well, you can take a seat too,
58
00:03:44,965 --> 00:03:49,044
because it's time for the first
reading from Laura's parents,
59
00:03:49,084 --> 00:03:50,723
Nigel and Jill.
60
00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:52,963
ALL: Aww.
61
00:03:53,003 --> 00:03:55,682
WHISPERED: How is she
going to sit down in that dress?
62
00:04:10,837 --> 00:04:15,636
Er, Laura's collected her thoughts on
marriage and asked us to read them.
63
00:04:15,676 --> 00:04:19,795
There will be photostats of these to
collect at the end of the ceremony,
64
00:04:19,835 --> 00:04:21,634
should you wish to do so.
65
00:04:27,713 --> 00:04:32,911
Love is magic. Love is spherical.
66
00:04:32,951 --> 00:04:36,830
Love breathes new life
into the soul of the heavens.
67
00:04:36,870 --> 00:04:39,189
Love is a cuboid.
68
00:04:39,229 --> 00:04:42,948
If you can't find love,
love will find love.
69
00:04:42,988 --> 00:04:46,147
Love is a parallelogram.
70
00:04:46,187 --> 00:04:50,666
When you're in love, you don't
need to apologise for things.
71
00:04:50,706 --> 00:04:54,785
Love is a double flower that
blossoms in the sunshine of the moon.
72
00:04:54,825 --> 00:04:57,424
Stars must love each other.
73
00:04:57,464 --> 00:05:00,743
You can tell because they twinkle.
74
00:05:00,783 --> 00:05:04,822
If you are in love, you cannot die.
75
00:05:04,862 --> 00:05:08,101
When the horses and the cows learn
to love each other,
76
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,300
the world will be a better place.
77
00:05:10,340 --> 00:05:14,179
Most people live,
but not many people love.
78
00:05:14,219 --> 00:05:19,018
Dreams are made of love,
but love is made of dreams.
79
00:05:19,058 --> 00:05:22,497
What is love
but two hearts dipped in moonlight?
80
00:05:22,537 --> 00:05:26,136
If love is not love, what is love...
81
00:05:26,176 --> 00:05:28,855
BOTH: But love itself?
82
00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:35,853
Excuse me.
83
00:05:37,773 --> 00:05:40,052
LAURA GIGGLES
84
00:05:40,092 --> 00:05:41,851
She was wasted last night!
85
00:05:41,891 --> 00:05:43,771
We spiked her drinks!
86
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,728
Thank you, Nigel and Jill.
87
00:05:52,768 --> 00:05:55,328
OK, Laura and Paul, would you
like to come forward, please?
88
00:05:55,368 --> 00:05:56,647
Yes, we would.
89
00:05:57,887 --> 00:05:59,086
Thanks.
90
00:06:18,521 --> 00:06:20,320
You two OK, not too nervous?
91
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:21,920
I don't get nervous.
92
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,359
OK.
93
00:06:23,399 --> 00:06:25,359
Paul? I'm on cloud nine.
94
00:06:25,399 --> 00:06:26,998
Great.
LAUGHTER
95
00:06:28,598 --> 00:06:31,837
The place in which you are now
met has been duly sanctioned,
96
00:06:31,877 --> 00:06:35,596
according to the law
for the celebration of marriage.
97
00:06:35,636 --> 00:06:36,716
Sorry.
98
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:38,875
Sorry. Thanks.
99
00:06:40,235 --> 00:06:43,434
Before you are joined together
in matrimony, I have to remind you
100
00:06:43,474 --> 00:06:47,713
of the solemn and binding character
of the vows you are about to make.
101
00:06:47,752 --> 00:06:51,192
Marriage, according to the law
of this country,
102
00:06:51,232 --> 00:06:54,151
is the union of one man
with one woman,
103
00:06:54,191 --> 00:06:58,669
voluntarily entered into for life,
to the exclusion of all others.
104
00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:01,069
I'm now going to... Could you repeat
that last bit again?
105
00:07:01,109 --> 00:07:02,908
I wasn't listening.
106
00:07:02,948 --> 00:07:04,028
Which bit?
107
00:07:04,068 --> 00:07:06,307
The last bit.
108
00:07:06,347 --> 00:07:07,667
OK.
109
00:07:09,306 --> 00:07:12,225
Before you are joined together
in matrimony... No, I heard that.
110
00:07:14,625 --> 00:07:17,864
Marriage, according to the law
of this country,
111
00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:20,703
is the union of one man
with one woman,
112
00:07:20,743 --> 00:07:25,782
voluntarily entered into for life,
to the exclusion of all others.
113
00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:27,821
Was that it? Yes.
114
00:07:27,861 --> 00:07:29,421
Oh, I did hear it.
115
00:07:29,461 --> 00:07:31,660
OK.
116
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:33,100
Carry on.
117
00:07:34,499 --> 00:07:36,698
I'm now going to ask each of you
in turn
118
00:07:36,738 --> 00:07:39,658
to declare that you do not know
of any lawful reason
119
00:07:39,698 --> 00:07:42,017
why you should not be married
to each other.
120
00:07:42,057 --> 00:07:44,696
So, just reply, "I am."
121
00:07:44,736 --> 00:07:48,935
Are you, Paul,
free lawfully to marry Laura?
122
00:07:48,975 --> 00:07:51,774
Most definitely.
LAUGHTER
123
00:07:52,974 --> 00:07:55,493
"I am." I am.
124
00:07:55,533 --> 00:07:59,212
And are you, Laura,
free lawfully to marry Paul?
125
00:07:59,252 --> 00:08:01,651
Absolutely!
LAUGHTER
126
00:08:01,691 --> 00:08:03,011
Just say, "I am."
127
00:08:04,890 --> 00:08:06,250
I am. Thank you.
128
00:08:07,730 --> 00:08:10,849
I am now required by law to ask
anyone here present,
129
00:08:10,889 --> 00:08:14,728
who knows a reason why these persons
may not lawfully marry,
130
00:08:14,768 --> 00:08:15,927
to declare it now.
131
00:08:18,007 --> 00:08:19,846
LAURA GIGGLES
132
00:08:22,445 --> 00:08:24,205
LAUGHTER
133
00:08:24,245 --> 00:08:27,004
It looks like you got away with that one.
LAUGHTER
134
00:08:27,044 --> 00:08:29,163
What the fuck does that mean?
135
00:08:29,203 --> 00:08:31,923
Nothing, it was a joke.
We're not paying you to make jokes.
136
00:08:31,963 --> 00:08:34,522
OK. Just do your fucking job.
137
00:08:38,361 --> 00:08:41,720
There will now be a reading
from Laura's friend, Shelly.
138
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,679
This'll be good!
139
00:08:56,276 --> 00:08:58,835
Get me one or I'll tell Steve
you're pregnant.
140
00:09:29,666 --> 00:09:33,425
Laura wanted me to say
something about her... Louder!
141
00:09:35,185 --> 00:09:39,463
Laura wanted me to say something
about her and our friendship,
142
00:09:39,503 --> 00:09:42,502
so I've written a little poem.
143
00:09:42,542 --> 00:09:44,422
ALL: Ahh.
144
00:09:44,462 --> 00:09:47,581
"It's Laura's wedding day today...
145
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:50,420
"And everyone will shout, 'Hooray!'
146
00:09:50,460 --> 00:09:53,499
"She's marrying her prince, Paul
147
00:09:53,539 --> 00:09:57,098
"And a good time will be had by all.
148
00:09:57,138 --> 00:10:00,337
"It's an honour to be
a bridesmaid at their wedding..."
149
00:10:00,377 --> 00:10:04,336
"Though I won't deny this speech
is something I've been dreading."
150
00:10:04,376 --> 00:10:05,696
LAUGHTER
151
00:10:05,736 --> 00:10:08,215
"I've known Laura for many years,
152
00:10:08,255 --> 00:10:12,014
"Through lots of laughter
and one or two tears.
153
00:10:12,054 --> 00:10:14,813
"We first at Homerton Hospital met,
154
00:10:14,853 --> 00:10:18,652
"We worked on reception
and it was great fun, you bet.
155
00:10:18,692 --> 00:10:21,651
"We soon became the best of friends
156
00:10:21,691 --> 00:10:24,290
"Our Friday nights knew no ends.
157
00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:26,730
"Sharing little tips and tricks,
158
00:10:26,770 --> 00:10:30,689
"If something goes wrong,
you find a fix.
159
00:10:30,729 --> 00:10:34,408
"Drinking in the Goose
and going for a dance
160
00:10:34,448 --> 00:10:37,407
"I'd really like to go to France."
161
00:10:40,126 --> 00:10:43,165
"Our love and friendship
goes back years
162
00:10:43,205 --> 00:10:46,644
"Love and friendship
that fights the fears."
163
00:10:46,684 --> 00:10:48,683
"Laura's a lovely girl..."
164
00:10:48,723 --> 00:10:50,483
Put it away.
"When her hair's wet..."
165
00:10:50,523 --> 00:10:53,642
Sorry, I'm just texting my mum.
"..It starts to curl.
166
00:10:53,682 --> 00:10:56,161
"She's funny and she likes a laugh.
167
00:10:56,201 --> 00:10:59,080
"She prefers a shower to a bath.
168
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:02,160
"She really is the life and soul.
169
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,839
"She'd help you
if you fell down a hole.
170
00:11:05,879 --> 00:11:09,997
"She's beautiful
and she's pretty too.
171
00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:13,476
"There's nothing for love
that she wouldn't do.
172
00:11:14,676 --> 00:11:19,155
"Laura, I wish you a happy life."
173
00:11:19,195 --> 00:11:23,434
"As Paul's loving and devoted wife."
174
00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,393
Aww.
APPLAUSE
175
00:11:26,473 --> 00:11:28,672
BABY CRIES
176
00:11:33,791 --> 00:11:36,350
That was great, love.
177
00:11:39,509 --> 00:11:41,828
Thank you, Shelly,
what a lovely poem.
178
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,508
I thought it was never going to end!
179
00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:46,827
BABY CRIES
180
00:11:46,867 --> 00:11:48,266
OK.
181
00:11:48,306 --> 00:11:51,505
And now for a surprise, something
not in the order of service,
182
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:54,305
a reading from Laura's sister, Becky.
183
00:11:54,345 --> 00:11:56,144
And Laura has asked me to tell you
184
00:11:56,184 --> 00:11:59,383
that Becky wrote the whole speech
completely by herself.
185
00:11:59,423 --> 00:12:01,543
It's all in her own words!
186
00:12:01,583 --> 00:12:02,702
Good luck.
187
00:12:05,541 --> 00:12:06,781
Becks.
188
00:12:19,377 --> 00:12:21,177
What are you doing? Read it.
189
00:12:37,052 --> 00:12:38,292
Go on.
190
00:12:39,732 --> 00:12:42,331
Well, I didn't really...
191
00:12:43,651 --> 00:12:46,850
Laura helped a bit with writing it.
She's so modest!
192
00:12:55,887 --> 00:12:57,327
Um...
193
00:12:59,086 --> 00:13:01,445
Um, OK.
194
00:13:03,165 --> 00:13:08,164
For those of you who don't know me,
I'm Laura's older and...
195
00:13:14,042 --> 00:13:16,401
...fatter sister, Becky.
196
00:13:16,441 --> 00:13:17,681
LAUGHTER
197
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:22,199
The best thing about Laura is how
much better she is than me.
198
00:13:26,678 --> 00:13:27,878
She must be doing so well
199
00:13:27,918 --> 00:13:30,557
to be able to pay for a wedding
as amazing as this.
200
00:13:30,597 --> 00:13:32,477
It's true. I am.
201
00:13:36,195 --> 00:13:38,995
I love her more than anything
else in the world.
202
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:43,034
And the best times of my life are the
times when she comes round my flat.
203
00:13:43,074 --> 00:13:45,473
ALL: Ahh.
204
00:13:45,513 --> 00:13:48,592
I lead a very boring life,
a bit like...
205
00:13:51,951 --> 00:13:54,430
...a bit like an ugly,
disabled hermit.
206
00:13:56,070 --> 00:13:58,549
And I don't have a job or any money.
207
00:13:58,589 --> 00:14:03,108
And I don't leave the flat much
and no-one wants to meet me.
208
00:14:03,148 --> 00:14:06,267
But I don't mind because I have
my divine sister Laura
209
00:14:06,307 --> 00:14:09,946
who I love like the clouds
love the sky.
210
00:14:09,986 --> 00:14:12,305
I love you too, Becks.
211
00:14:12,345 --> 00:14:13,905
Thanks.
212
00:14:16,864 --> 00:14:19,543
Not only is Laura intelligent
and funny...
213
00:14:19,583 --> 00:14:22,982
a bit like a cross between
Chandler from Friends,
214
00:14:23,022 --> 00:14:24,902
Stephen Hawking -
before the accident -
215
00:14:24,942 --> 00:14:28,261
and that one who played
Jonathan Creek,
216
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:31,100
she really has the capacity
to go far.
217
00:14:31,140 --> 00:14:34,059
One day she'll be famous
and then you'll all be sorry.
218
00:14:36,978 --> 00:14:39,217
Do you think that's enough?
Don't be silly, Becks.
219
00:14:39,257 --> 00:14:40,537
You spent ages writing this.
220
00:14:40,577 --> 00:14:43,096
Go on, Becky! Yeah, go, Becky,
you're doing great!
221
00:14:43,136 --> 00:14:46,695
CHANTS: Becky, Becky, Becky!
222
00:14:48,895 --> 00:14:50,014
OK.
223
00:14:52,094 --> 00:14:54,453
My favourite thing about Laura
is her singing.
224
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:56,213
Ah, I never knew.
225
00:14:56,253 --> 00:14:57,932
LAUGHTER
226
00:14:57,972 --> 00:15:01,131
When we were little, she used to
sing me to sleep at night.
227
00:15:02,451 --> 00:15:07,249
I've never heard a sound as beautiful
as that, not even from a bird.
228
00:15:07,289 --> 00:15:09,729
She's such a talented writer.
229
00:15:09,769 --> 00:15:12,768
I wish my relationship could be
as strong as Laura and Paul's...
230
00:15:12,808 --> 00:15:14,847
Put it away. Sorry, it's my mum.
231
00:15:14,887 --> 00:15:17,886
...their love is as sweet
as the blossom on a tree.
232
00:15:17,926 --> 00:15:19,926
Their happiness has never
been equalled
233
00:15:19,966 --> 00:15:21,965
in the whole of human history.
234
00:15:23,645 --> 00:15:26,124
Laura and Paul spend
so much time laughing,
235
00:15:26,164 --> 00:15:30,083
it's a wonder they find time to have
as much sex as they do.
236
00:15:30,123 --> 00:15:31,802
But they do have a lot of it.
237
00:15:31,842 --> 00:15:33,682
And when they do, it makes Laur...
238
00:15:35,081 --> 00:15:36,841
She enjoys it. I bloody love it!
239
00:15:36,881 --> 00:15:38,201
BABY CRIES
240
00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:40,320
Basically, what happens is,
241
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,759
Paul gets in from work
and he's exhausted.
242
00:15:42,799 --> 00:15:44,839
So I pop upstairs, clean my bits,
243
00:15:44,879 --> 00:15:47,198
put on this thing
that I got off the internet,
244
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:49,117
and Paul goes at it like a madman!
245
00:15:50,197 --> 00:15:53,036
CROWD MURMURS
Goodness...
246
00:15:54,476 --> 00:15:55,755
Carry on, Becks.
247
00:15:58,555 --> 00:16:00,794
Laura is the victim
of a sexist conspiracy.
248
00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:03,393
If she had been lucky enough
to be born a man,
249
00:16:03,433 --> 00:16:05,673
she would be famous by now.
250
00:16:05,713 --> 00:16:11,031
Unfortunately, though,
because capitalism is evil,
251
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,470
not forgetting the bankers,
252
00:16:13,510 --> 00:16:16,430
she has to wait
for her true purpose in life.
253
00:16:16,470 --> 00:16:17,829
But when she makes it,
254
00:16:17,869 --> 00:16:22,428
the one thing we do know is that
the world will be a safer place.
255
00:16:22,468 --> 00:16:24,627
Laura loves recycling.
256
00:16:24,667 --> 00:16:28,466
Every time she finishes using
a piece of paper or a plastic bottle
257
00:16:28,506 --> 00:16:32,505
or, indeed, a can of drink,
she places it in the recycling bin
258
00:16:32,545 --> 00:16:34,784
so it can be put to good use,
259
00:16:34,824 --> 00:16:36,784
saving those unfortunate enough
260
00:16:36,824 --> 00:16:40,343
to have been born and raised
in the Third World.
261
00:16:40,383 --> 00:16:42,902
In conclusion,
262
00:16:42,942 --> 00:16:47,901
the great sadness of my life is that
I'll live in Laura's shadow.
263
00:16:47,941 --> 00:16:51,500
But from her I learned how to love,
264
00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:54,979
how to laugh and, most importantly,
how to believe.
265
00:16:58,178 --> 00:17:00,057
I owe her everything.
266
00:17:00,097 --> 00:17:01,697
Thank you.
267
00:17:01,737 --> 00:17:03,976
APPLAUSE
268
00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:11,494
Don't worry - I got it all on here.
269
00:17:13,693 --> 00:17:15,453
Thank you.
270
00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:17,332
Well, wasn't that lovely?
271
00:17:17,372 --> 00:17:20,011
Now for the exciting bit.
272
00:17:20,051 --> 00:17:22,571
Laura, Paul,
would you like to come forward?
273
00:17:23,650 --> 00:17:26,649
I think we might need
to pop outside.
274
00:17:26,689 --> 00:17:28,249
No, we don't.
275
00:17:28,289 --> 00:17:30,928
Laura... Come on.
276
00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:42,285
You all right? Yes.
277
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:46,524
You sure you're OK?
278
00:17:46,564 --> 00:17:48,403
Yes, I'm on top of the world.
279
00:17:50,843 --> 00:17:52,562
OK, lovely.
280
00:17:52,602 --> 00:17:53,882
Please stand.
281
00:18:02,079 --> 00:18:04,799
Laura and Paul,
will you please face each other,
282
00:18:04,839 --> 00:18:09,077
and Laura, please take Paul's right
hand in yours and repeat after me.
283
00:18:15,196 --> 00:18:17,155
I don't know my left from my right!
284
00:18:19,834 --> 00:18:22,513
"I, Laura Felicity Williams."
285
00:18:26,032 --> 00:18:29,072
I, Laura Felicity Williams.
286
00:18:29,112 --> 00:18:31,551
"Take thee, Paul Harold Parker."
287
00:18:33,470 --> 00:18:37,709
Take thee, Paul Harold Parker.
288
00:18:37,749 --> 00:18:40,708
"To be my wedded husband."
289
00:18:40,748 --> 00:18:43,507
To be my wedded husband.
290
00:18:43,547 --> 00:18:45,067
OK.
291
00:18:45,107 --> 00:18:46,507
Now you, Paul.
292
00:18:46,547 --> 00:18:48,826
Please take Laura's right hand
in yours.
293
00:18:53,824 --> 00:18:56,344
"I, Paul Harold Parker."
294
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:10,660
I, Paul Harold Parker.
295
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:14,099
"Take thee,
Laura Felicity Williams."
296
00:19:14,139 --> 00:19:16,978
Take thee, Laura Felicity Williams.
297
00:19:17,018 --> 00:19:18,977
"To be my wedded wife."
298
00:19:20,137 --> 00:19:21,577
To be my wedded wife.
299
00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:24,976
ALL: Aww.
300
00:19:27,095 --> 00:19:28,974
LAUGHTER
301
00:19:30,814 --> 00:19:32,893
May we have the rings? Steve.
302
00:19:36,452 --> 00:19:38,252
Try not to lose them again, yeah?
303
00:19:40,691 --> 00:19:42,531
He flushed the pouch down the loo.
304
00:19:42,571 --> 00:19:43,810
REGISTRAR: Paul, take the ring.
305
00:19:45,130 --> 00:19:46,449
Take the ring, Paul.
306
00:19:50,928 --> 00:19:51,968
Oh!
307
00:19:52,008 --> 00:19:53,727
Don't worry, I always carry a spare!
308
00:19:53,767 --> 00:19:55,127
LAUGHTER
309
00:19:55,167 --> 00:19:57,006
What did I say about jokes?
310
00:19:58,686 --> 00:19:59,886
Get on with it.
311
00:20:01,565 --> 00:20:03,525
SHE GIGGLES
312
00:20:03,564 --> 00:20:07,363
Paul, take the ring
and place it on Laura's finger.
313
00:20:07,403 --> 00:20:10,203
And, keeping your hand on hers,
repeat after me.
314
00:20:11,242 --> 00:20:14,361
"I give you this ring
as a sign of my love for you."
315
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:20,520
Paul.
316
00:20:24,518 --> 00:20:26,518
I give you it as a sign of love.
317
00:20:30,237 --> 00:20:31,996
Can I have a word?
318
00:20:32,036 --> 00:20:33,476
Laura. Yes.
319
00:20:33,516 --> 00:20:36,795
Take the other ring
and place it on Paul's finger,
320
00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:40,234
and, keeping your hand on his,
repeat after me.
321
00:20:40,274 --> 00:20:43,353
"I give you this ring
as a sign of my love for you."
322
00:20:43,393 --> 00:20:45,792
Can I please talk to you outside?
323
00:20:45,832 --> 00:20:49,271
I give you this ring
as a sign of my love for you.
324
00:20:51,391 --> 00:20:56,069
Laura and Paul, you have both made
the declarations required by law
325
00:20:56,109 --> 00:20:59,269
and have made a solemn
and binding contract with each other
326
00:20:59,309 --> 00:21:01,828
in the presence of your witnesses
and guests.
327
00:21:03,267 --> 00:21:05,947
It gives me great pleasure
to pronounce you...
328
00:21:05,987 --> 00:21:07,546
husband and wife.
329
00:21:23,102 --> 00:21:24,541
You may kiss the bride, Paul.
330
00:21:24,581 --> 00:21:25,821
Oh, good!
331
00:21:27,900 --> 00:21:29,900
Aww.
332
00:21:29,940 --> 00:21:31,579
OK.
333
00:21:31,619 --> 00:21:35,418
Now, would you all please be seated
while we sign the legal register?
334
00:21:35,458 --> 00:21:38,337
If our witnesses Sue and Graham
could come forward?
335
00:21:43,576 --> 00:21:44,895
Auntie Sue!
336
00:21:44,935 --> 00:21:48,494
Congratulations. Thank you
so much for being our witness.
337
00:21:48,534 --> 00:21:49,694
BABY CRIES
338
00:21:49,734 --> 00:21:51,094
Graham.
339
00:21:57,252 --> 00:22:00,051
We will now have a reading
from Paul's friend Keith
340
00:22:00,091 --> 00:22:02,091
and his half-brother Ian,
341
00:22:02,131 --> 00:22:04,890
during which we will be signing
the register.
342
00:22:04,930 --> 00:22:08,729
There will then be an opportunity
to come and take photos of your own.
343
00:22:12,568 --> 00:22:14,527
Congratulations, Paul. Thanks, mate.
344
00:22:16,406 --> 00:22:18,006
BABY CRIES
345
00:22:26,124 --> 00:22:28,323
"Come live with me and be my love,
346
00:22:28,363 --> 00:22:30,962
"And we will all the pleasures prove
347
00:22:31,002 --> 00:22:33,522
"That valleys, groves, hills,
and fields,
348
00:22:33,562 --> 00:22:35,721
"Woods or steepy mountain yields..."
349
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,440
"And we will sit upon the rocks,
350
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,159
"Seeing the shepherds
feed their flocks,
351
00:22:43,199 --> 00:22:45,438
"By shallow rivers to whose falls
352
00:22:45,478 --> 00:22:47,797
"Melodious birds sing madrigals."
353
00:22:52,556 --> 00:22:54,675
"A belt of straw and ivy buds,
354
00:22:54,715 --> 00:22:56,515
"Coral clasps and amber studs
355
00:22:56,555 --> 00:22:58,714
"And if these pleasures
may thee move,
356
00:22:58,754 --> 00:23:00,754
"Come live with me and be my love.
357
00:23:02,233 --> 00:23:04,873
"The shepherds' swains
shall dance and sing
358
00:23:04,913 --> 00:23:07,432
"For thy delight each
May morning..." Shh-shh-shh... Hey.
359
00:23:07,472 --> 00:23:08,472
Hi.
360
00:23:09,991 --> 00:23:10,991
Great speech.
361
00:23:11,031 --> 00:23:13,590
Hah. I take it you didn't
write it yourself.
362
00:23:13,630 --> 00:23:14,750
No, it was Laura.
363
00:23:14,790 --> 00:23:15,869
HE LAUGHS
364
00:23:15,909 --> 00:23:18,229
You two really are the original
odd couple, aren't you?
365
00:23:20,708 --> 00:23:22,627
BABY CRIES
366
00:23:22,667 --> 00:23:25,307
So, Laura's just told me.
367
00:23:25,347 --> 00:23:26,426
What do you mean?
368
00:23:26,466 --> 00:23:27,626
She said you were pregnant.
369
00:23:27,666 --> 00:23:29,825
But I'm not supposed to tell Steve -
is that right?
370
00:23:31,745 --> 00:23:33,744
I just want you to know
I'm here for you, babe.
371
00:23:33,784 --> 00:23:35,264
Why did she tell you that?
372
00:23:35,304 --> 00:23:37,783
Because you need the support
of your loved ones right now.
373
00:23:37,823 --> 00:23:39,383
This has got nothing to do with you.
374
00:23:39,423 --> 00:23:42,382
Oh, look, don't worry.
I won't say anything to Steve.
375
00:23:42,422 --> 00:23:44,861
I just want you to know
I'm here for you.
376
00:23:44,901 --> 00:23:46,861
I'm on your side. Just when...
377
00:23:49,140 --> 00:23:50,939
Hi. All right?
378
00:23:52,819 --> 00:23:54,978
BABY WAILS
379
00:24:00,777 --> 00:24:02,656
Smell her arse.
380
00:24:08,774 --> 00:24:09,934
Ugh!
381
00:24:09,974 --> 00:24:11,094
Does it stink?
382
00:24:11,134 --> 00:24:12,413
Have a smell.
383
00:24:13,933 --> 00:24:15,012
Urgh!
384
00:24:15,052 --> 00:24:18,811
Wow. I wish my arse smelt like that.
385
00:24:18,851 --> 00:24:19,971
I'll leave you to it.
386
00:24:23,210 --> 00:24:26,369
You've got a rotten old bum,
haven't you?
387
00:24:26,409 --> 00:24:29,488
Auntie Becky's going to clean
it for you, isn't she?
388
00:24:30,768 --> 00:24:33,807
Did you enjoy Auntie Becky's
reading? It was good, wasn't it?
389
00:24:33,847 --> 00:24:35,207
Yeah.
390
00:24:35,247 --> 00:24:37,406
You seen how small her hands are?
391
00:24:39,126 --> 00:24:41,125
BERNADETTE GIGGLES
392
00:24:41,165 --> 00:24:43,244
What did he want?
393
00:24:43,284 --> 00:24:44,604
Nothing.
394
00:24:46,204 --> 00:24:47,603
You all right?
395
00:24:49,962 --> 00:24:52,762
Are you worried our wedding
won't be as good as that?
396
00:24:52,802 --> 00:24:54,921
Um, no.
397
00:24:54,961 --> 00:24:56,041
OK.
398
00:24:56,081 --> 00:24:57,400
What's wrong?
399
00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:58,880
Becks...
400
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,319
Laura wants a photo with Bernadette.
401
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:02,559
Right.
402
00:25:02,599 --> 00:25:04,238
Think she wants it now.
403
00:25:05,598 --> 00:25:07,317
Right.
404
00:25:09,917 --> 00:25:11,556
You told her how great she looks?
405
00:25:13,756 --> 00:25:14,955
Yeah. Good.
406
00:25:16,595 --> 00:25:19,594
What's happened? Pardon?
407
00:25:19,634 --> 00:25:23,153
Well, I was just wondering what you
were saying to Becky when I came in.
408
00:25:25,112 --> 00:25:26,192
OK.
409
00:25:28,271 --> 00:25:30,231
You're quite controlling,
aren't you, Steve?
410
00:25:30,271 --> 00:25:31,271
What do you mean?
411
00:25:31,311 --> 00:25:33,830
Well, just wanting to know Becky's
private conversations,
412
00:25:33,870 --> 00:25:36,229
that's a bit odd, innit?
That's not what I meant.
413
00:25:36,269 --> 00:25:39,708
It's a free society.
People died in the war for that.
414
00:25:39,748 --> 00:25:42,667
So if me and Becky want to say
things to each other, in confidence,
415
00:25:42,707 --> 00:25:45,187
without you knowing,
that's our prerogative.
416
00:25:45,227 --> 00:25:47,546
That's not what I meant.
417
00:25:47,586 --> 00:25:50,665
To be perfectly honest, mate, I
couldn't give a fuck what you meant.
418
00:25:50,705 --> 00:25:52,345
The only person
I care about is Becky.
419
00:25:52,385 --> 00:25:54,104
She's a sweet girl
but she's marrying you
420
00:25:54,144 --> 00:25:56,863
and I think she's being a fucking
mug, if you'll excuse my French.
421
00:25:56,903 --> 00:25:59,383
CAROLINE: We're approaching
the end now. After you.
422
00:25:59,423 --> 00:26:02,382
Laura, Paul, if you'd
like to come back to the front.
423
00:26:03,461 --> 00:26:05,261
OK, thank you.
424
00:26:06,461 --> 00:26:08,500
And now, to end the proceedings,
425
00:26:08,540 --> 00:26:10,419
Laura will perform a song
she wrote herself.
426
00:26:10,459 --> 00:26:12,579
I'm not doing it. OK.
427
00:26:12,619 --> 00:26:15,138
We haven't got time for songs.
I need a drink!
428
00:26:19,417 --> 00:26:20,417
Hurry up.
429
00:26:21,936 --> 00:26:23,176
OK.
430
00:26:23,216 --> 00:26:25,775
I've been asked to say
that the drinks and canapes
431
00:26:25,815 --> 00:26:28,374
will be served in the Runciman Room
and on the front lawn.
432
00:26:28,414 --> 00:26:29,494
I didn't tell him.
433
00:26:29,534 --> 00:26:33,053
And don't miss the fireworks display
at the end of the evening.
434
00:26:35,972 --> 00:26:38,771
When two people are as in love
as Laura and Paul...
435
00:26:38,811 --> 00:26:40,091
Boring!
436
00:26:42,490 --> 00:26:43,650
Hurry the fuck up.
437
00:26:47,089 --> 00:26:49,928
OK. That's your marriage
certificate.
438
00:26:52,007 --> 00:26:56,486
Now, it's my great privilege to
present to you for the first time,
439
00:26:56,526 --> 00:26:58,566
Mr and Mrs Parker.
440
00:26:58,606 --> 00:27:00,245
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
441
00:27:06,963 --> 00:27:09,882
MUSIC: "Walking on Sunshine"
by Katrina & The Waves
442
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:24,318
? I used to think maybe you love me
Now, baby, I'm sure
443
00:27:26,278 --> 00:27:31,836
? And I just can't wait till the day
when you knock on my door... ?
444
00:27:31,876 --> 00:27:35,555
MUSIC: "Boom Bang-A-Bang" by Lulu
445
00:27:35,595 --> 00:27:39,794
? Come closer, come closer and listen
446
00:27:39,834 --> 00:27:43,273
? The beat of my heart
keeps on missing
447
00:27:43,313 --> 00:27:47,831
? I notice it most when were kissing
448
00:27:47,871 --> 00:27:51,230
? Come closer and love me tonight
449
00:27:51,270 --> 00:27:53,870
? That's right
450
00:27:53,910 --> 00:27:56,549
? Come closer and cuddle me tight
451
00:27:56,589 --> 00:27:58,748
? My heart goes boom bang-a-bang
boom bang-a-bang
452
00:27:58,788 --> 00:28:00,348
? When you are near... ?
453
00:28:00,388 --> 00:28:05,067
Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and
welcome to Paul and Laura's wedding.
454
00:28:05,107 --> 00:28:07,306
Paul is known by many
different names...
455
00:28:07,346 --> 00:28:08,905
Faggot. Wha-What?!
456
00:28:08,945 --> 00:28:11,065
Laura, be a bit quieter, yeah?
457
00:28:11,105 --> 00:28:13,864
I am being quiet, Becks.
Carry on, Steve.
458
00:28:13,904 --> 00:28:15,983
My fiancee Rebecca tells me
459
00:28:16,023 --> 00:28:19,222
that the first time Paul and Laura
made love... Not that.
460
00:28:20,542 --> 00:28:21,542
Right.
461
00:28:21,582 --> 00:28:24,501
? My heart goes boom bang-a-bang
boom bang-a-bang
462
00:28:24,541 --> 00:28:26,140
? When you are near
463
00:28:26,180 --> 00:28:28,180
? Boom bang-a-bang, boom bang-a-bang
464
00:28:28,220 --> 00:28:30,179
? Loud in my ear
465
00:28:30,219 --> 00:28:32,059
? Pounding away, pounding away
466
00:28:32,099 --> 00:28:33,938
? Won't you be mine?
467
00:28:33,978 --> 00:28:37,057
? Boom bang-a-bang-bang all the time
468
00:28:37,097 --> 00:28:41,296
? It's such a lovely feeling
469
00:28:41,336 --> 00:28:45,495
? When I'm in your arms
470
00:28:45,535 --> 00:28:46,615
? Don't go away
471
00:28:46,655 --> 00:28:49,254
? I wanna stay my whole life through
472
00:28:49,294 --> 00:28:50,414
? Boom bang-a-bang-bang
473
00:28:50,454 --> 00:28:51,973
? Close to you. ?
474
00:28:52,023 --> 00:28:56,573
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