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1
00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:03,860
Becks, it's Julie Taylor.
Her little brother's missing.
2
00:00:04,361 --> 00:00:07,199
I called him and it went to
answerphone. Oh...
3
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:09,079
Be serious, Steve.
4
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:10,880
He hasn't been
taking his medication.
5
00:00:10,881 --> 00:00:12,519
He's bipolar.
6
00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:14,599
I'm bipolar. My mum called,
7
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,920
said Edward's missing,
and I just burst into tears.
8
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,279
You should have seen her, Becks.
She basically went bananas.
9
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:24,159
I had to slap her in the face.
Could he be at your nan's?
10
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:27,199
Shut it, Steve. Well, he used to
stay at his nan's.
11
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:30,679
My Kieran ran away from home,
12
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,680
and it was the worst thing
that ever happened to me.
13
00:00:32,681 --> 00:00:34,359
He was gone for two days
14
00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:35,840
and it felt like...
Shelly,
15
00:00:35,841 --> 00:00:39,479
can you stop breathing on her?
Take a mint, or something.
16
00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:40,960
It's unbearable.
17
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,159
I remember this duvet.
18
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:49,999
We bought it together, didn't
we?
19
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,400
God! Crazy days.
20
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,280
Becks, get Julie a drink.
21
00:00:54,281 --> 00:00:57,439
She's been crying. Yeah, could I get
a glass of squash, please, Becky?
22
00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:00,640
Yeah, of course.
Thanks, Becky.
23
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,360
And thanks, Steve.
24
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:05,880
I knew you'd want to help him.
25
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:32,800
Does she think she can just
come round here?
26
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:38,680
They've been in the sink.
27
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,398
Eurgh! (SPLUTTERS)
28
00:01:42,399 --> 00:01:43,598
I've eaten sink juice.
29
00:01:43,599 --> 00:01:45,240
Why didn't you put them in the
bin?
30
00:01:45,241 --> 00:01:46,840
Because it's boring.
31
00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:57,640
Is it me, or does Laura think
crying makes you thirsty?
32
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:02,840
(SPLUTTERS)
33
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:11,160
Julie's annoying, isn't she?
Yeah.
34
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,880
I am worried about Edward,
though, in this weather.
35
00:02:17,881 --> 00:02:20,279
Hmm, I'd be tearing my hair out.
36
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,199
He's really fragile, Becks.
37
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,879
And he got kicked out the Cubs.
38
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:27,760
And she didn't help.
She's enough to make anyone bipolar.
39
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,839
He just needs someone normal
in his life, like us.
40
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:39,560
Someone to mentor him and teach
him about the ways of the world.
41
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:46,999
Yeah.
42
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,079
What do we know
about the ways of the world?
43
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,319
We sit in bed all day.
I know about life.
44
00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:53,559
I'm 24.
SHE LAUGHS
45
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:54,919
Wow.
46
00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:56,800
Why are you being like this?
47
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:00,079
I'm not being like anything.
48
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,240
Oh, OK.
49
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,839
THUNDER RUMBLES
50
00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:11,159
I was looking forward to us
eating that.
51
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,559
Hmm.
52
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,599
How can that be ã2? Hmm.
53
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,000
It's got cherries in it.
54
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,719
You all right in there?
55
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:30,880
Yeah.
56
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,199
It's quite fun
watching your ex-girlfriend cry.
57
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,400
Yeah?
58
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,280
It's her little brother,
though, innit?
59
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,199
Hey, hey!
60
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:47,400
Did you smell her?
She stinks of perfume.
61
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,000
HE LAUGHS Well, she works
on a perfume counter.
62
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,119
Yeah, I know.
63
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:59,879
LAURA: Some people are happy in
their lives, like me and Paul are,
64
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:02,799
and some people are unhappy
in their lives,
65
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,559
like your brother is.
Or Shelly.
66
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:09,159
But we have to remember that
whatever will be, will be.
67
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,079
Everybody lives
68
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,359
and everybody dies.
69
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,519
Hmm. She's right.
70
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,880
Sorry, Stevie. I asked for a
glass.
71
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:22,519
Oh, sorry.
72
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:26,319
I always drink squash out of a
glass. You should know that.
73
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:27,919
Get her a glass, Stevie.
74
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,600
Yes, sorry.
75
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,960
I'll... I'll get a glass.
Thank you.
76
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,320
Stevie would forget his head
if it wasn't screwed on.
77
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,679
What are you doing?
Washing up.
78
00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,079
Why are you doing that?
79
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,039
Look at it.
80
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:52,600
HE LAUGHS
OK, this is a first.
81
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:59,359
Oh, great(!) Now everything's
going to get washed in squash.
82
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:03,039
Well, er, you'll be doing
the squashing up.
83
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:06,639
Wow! That is one of the worst
jokes I've ever heard.
84
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,599
Ah, you'll be doing
the squashing up.
85
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,080
Do you actually find that funny?
86
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,759
Ha-ha-ha! You laughed.
87
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:19,560
At you. I'm laughing at you.
88
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:22,999
How is she?
89
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,240
Pretending to cry?
90
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,880
No, she's better. That's a shame.
91
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:30,480
Could you do me a glass?
92
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,240
She wants it in a glass.
93
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,879
Can you hurry up with that
drink, Steve? She's been crying.
94
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,000
Yep, just doing it.
95
00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:51,559
Poor Edward.
96
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:52,640
So sad.
97
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:57,559
If he's not back by sundown, we
should organise a search party,
98
00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,159
search the woods.
99
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,240
You always find them in the
woods. Yeah.
100
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,199
Heard from Paul?
Yes, yeah.
101
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:06,679
He's cute.
102
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:09,120
The course is really good, so they all
stayed and worked through the night.
103
00:06:09,121 --> 00:06:11,359
Yeah?
What kind of course is it?
104
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,239
Oh, I don't know. You know what
these courses are like.
105
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,959
I'm sure he told me, but...
106
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,679
Brain like a sieve!
Butter wouldn't melt.
107
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,959
It's just a course, isn't it?
An awayday,
108
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,439
brainstorming, breaking the ice.
109
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,799
I'm sure they just learn about stuff.
You know, Ryman's, stationery,
110
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,599
buying, selling, buy, sell, buy,
sell.
111
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:33,399
Woof, woof, wow, wow... (SNORTS)
... nee-naw, nee-naw!
112
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,679
Aagh!
113
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,640
SHE LAUGHS
114
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:46,760
I might have a fun little surprise
for him when he gets here.
115
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,119
Hmm?
116
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,800
Hurry up, Stevie.
117
00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:01,999
All right?
118
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,119
Yep.
119
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:06,359
The last thing Edward needs is
Laura. Absolutely.
120
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,639
If only he'd had you as a mentor,
he'd be a millionaire by now,
121
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:12,759
not bent over a hedge
getting fingered by tramps.
122
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:14,719
Uh...
123
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:16,999
Now, now, come on.
124
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,999
Now, now? Yes.
125
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,679
Since when did you say "now, now"?
I think you're being a bit mean.
126
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:23,958
We spend our lives being mean.
127
00:07:23,959 --> 00:07:25,598
There's some things
you don't make fun of.
128
00:07:25,599 --> 00:07:26,598
No, there's not.
Yes, there is.
129
00:07:26,599 --> 00:07:28,520
Like what?
Er, missing mental people,
130
00:07:28,521 --> 00:07:30,039
crime victims, the disabled.
131
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:31,878
You love disabled jokes.
No, I don't.
132
00:07:31,879 --> 00:07:33,120
What about your screensaver?
133
00:07:33,121 --> 00:07:35,040
DOORBELL
134
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,639
Knowing my luck, that'll be another one
of my ex-girlfriends coming up here.
135
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,599
We'll have Debbie coming up
here, or Lisa Healey or Tabitha.
136
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,959
Or it could be one of my exes.
It could be Lee or Pete Gilbert,
137
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,039
or Danny Connor or Adam. OK!
138
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,040
OK.
139
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,800
Are you all right? Yeah.
140
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,760
DOORBELL
141
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:04,600
How did you meet someone called
Tabitha?
142
00:08:04,601 --> 00:08:07,080
She worked in Waterstone's.
143
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,920
Posh bitch.
144
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:25,320
Tell him he looks better.
Tell him, Steve. He won't listen to me.
145
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:31,559
What?
146
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,919
Um... How do you mean?
147
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:38,559
Jesus Christ! Do you think he
looks better now, like this,
148
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:41,279
or when he had that hair and
that beard and he looked like
149
00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,000
a fucking child-killer?
150
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,719
Um...
151
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:48,199
He's been crying, Steve.
152
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:52,479
Seriously!
Show me a grown man that cries.
153
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,199
Please just tell him
he looks better, Steve, darling,
154
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,440
because in a minute I'm going to
blow my fucking face off.
155
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,160
You look nice, Dan.
156
00:09:02,161 --> 00:09:03,440
Thank you.
157
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:06,999
Where's your Hoover?
158
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,879
Behind the fridge.
159
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,639
Ugh! The voice.
160
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,600
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS
161
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,800
DOOR SLAMS
162
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,080
Come in. Thanks, Steve.
163
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,400
CLEARS HIS THROAT
164
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,799
Fucking hell!
165
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:44,920
Sorry.
166
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:52,359
Steve...
Ooh, very nice.
167
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:53,760
Thank you.
168
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:01,279
Sorry.
169
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,759
It's OK.
170
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:04,080
Don't worry.
171
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:11,160
I just... I want my hair back.
172
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:13,920
Oh, mate.
173
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,600
It'll grow back.
174
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,400
You shouldn't let her
speak to you like that.
175
00:10:22,401 --> 00:10:23,519
I know.
176
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,200
She's lucky to have me.
177
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,439
Do you want to touch my head?
178
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,959
No.
179
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,519
It's smooth.
180
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,000
No, you're all right.
181
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,279
Do... do you want us to, um...?
182
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:50,960
Yeah.
183
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:07,520
Anything from Edward?
This is a bit strong, Stevie.
184
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,839
Blimey! You know I like it weak.
185
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,959
Sorry. Do you want more water in
it?
186
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,560
No, don't worry. I'll live.
187
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,159
All this worry ...
it's going to give me wrinkles.
188
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:28,199
By the end of the day,
I'll look like Shelly!
189
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,159
SHELLY GUFFAWS
190
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,919
Look at me, Steve.
191
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,560
Worst day of my life,
and I'm still funny.
192
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:36,200
LAUGHTER
193
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:46,600
Bloody hell.
194
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,320
HOOVER DRONES
195
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:12,359
Do you remember my cat Bilbo?
Yeah.
196
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:15,320
Course he does, he named him.
197
00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:17,840
Steve loved Bilbo, didn't you?
198
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,639
Yeah, he was nice.
Aw. He had a lovely sense of humour.
199
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,400
Sounds great.
200
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:26,480
When can I meet him?
201
00:12:26,481 --> 00:12:29,800
Well, unfortunately, Becky,
he passed away.
202
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,359
Oh, Julie babes.
Julie...
203
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:37,999
And I think it was actually
the emotional trigger
204
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,480
for a lot of the problems
building up inside of Edward.
205
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,199
He always had problems.
Hmm.
206
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,279
They kicked him out of Cubs...
207
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:47,560
Didn't they?
208
00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,160
Oh, my Lord! What happened?
209
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:00,800
Anita did it.
210
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,359
Do you want to touch my head?
211
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:06,679
I'm all right.
212
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,120
OK.
213
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:10,600
How have you been?
214
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,320
You know...
215
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,800
Yeah.
216
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,160
You look nice.
217
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,039
No, I don't.
You do.
218
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,839
Your hair's nice,
and your clothes.
219
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,360
They're always nice.
220
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,560
I like your face.
221
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:33,880
I don't know.
222
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,360
I think my tits are nice.
223
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,799
Yeah.
224
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,000
Of course.
225
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,519
What have you got that for?
226
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:49,159
Oh, my breath's a little bit
smelly.
227
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:50,800
Oh, right.
228
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:58,599
Shelly?
229
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:01,360
DOORBELL RINGS INSISTENTLY
230
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:06,239
Oh, my God! Oh, my God. Is it him,
Steve? Is it Edward?
231
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,440
It's not him.
232
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:12,679
Hello, Anita.
233
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:13,999
Oh, no.
234
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,840
MUFFLED VOICES FROM HALL
235
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,639
She's fat.
You don't want to meet her.
236
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,479
Come here.
237
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:26,799
ANITA: I hoovered up your hair.
Gagged about eight times.
238
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,959
Take that thing off and get
upstairs.
239
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,679
And how are you, Anita(?)
Oh, I'd be fine
240
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,359
if I wasn't going out with a
dog.
241
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:36,079
I don't think you should
speak to Dan like that.
242
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,319
Go, Shelly.
243
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:38,760
ANITA: Oh, I wondered if it
spoke(!)
244
00:14:38,761 --> 00:14:40,439
I can speak, actually.
245
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,559
At what age did your brain die?
246
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,399
(SNIGGERS) I shouldn't laugh.
247
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,359
I didn't even know she had a
brain.
248
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,400
SHELLY: Please don't
speak to me like that.
249
00:14:49,401 --> 00:14:51,439
I have my rights, as a person.
250
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:52,999
Hmm. They're called human
rights.
251
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:57,039
STEVE: Let's all calm down.
Aw, listen to Steve.
252
00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,039
He ain't changed a bit. Aw.
253
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,200
ANITA: I haven't even started
yet.
254
00:15:00,201 --> 00:15:03,639
I think you should stop being
so mean to everyone.
255
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:07,919
Oh, look at it!
Great clothes, great brain,
256
00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:09,600
clearly scintillating
conversation,
257
00:15:09,601 --> 00:15:12,399
but most importantly,
what every girl needs ...
258
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,199
breath that smells
of horse shit.
259
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,360
Anita!
260
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:19,839
I can't stand this.
Can you make her leave?
261
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,680
I'm getting one of my
headaches. Right.
262
00:15:21,681 --> 00:15:23,399
CLEARS HER THROAT
263
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,239
Excuse me, everyone.
264
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:26,678
ANITA: Get upstairs, Dan.
265
00:15:26,679 --> 00:15:28,120
Shut the door behind you.
266
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,319
SHELLY: I think
that's a very good idea.
267
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,000
Who the flaming hell
do you think you are?
268
00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:36,120
MUFFLED ARGUMENT CONTINUES
269
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,120
PHONE RINGS
270
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,119
Can I call you back?
271
00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:07,040
All right. Bye.
272
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:24,200
You do know he asked me to marry
him, don't you?
273
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:27,640
No, he didn't.
274
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:31,640
OK, then.
275
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,440
I said no.
276
00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,399
ANITA: Uncle Graeme is
a good-looking man,
277
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,559
and if she had the chance to
fuck him,
278
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,879
she would do it every minute of the
day in every orifice she could find.
279
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:08,279
You stop being horrible about
Shelly or I will kill you.
280
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:12,279
Come on, Dan. I'm fed up of speaking
to spastics.
281
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,039
I'll come down on you
like a ton of bricks.
282
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,479
ANITA: Dan, get upstairs now,
283
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:21,079
or you can
stay here with this mong
284
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:25,399
and that fanatic we both know
is exactly like your mother,
285
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,719
except she's even thicker than your
mother, and even more of a slag!
286
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,239
SHE SOBS
287
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,319
Oh, stop crying!
288
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:37,199
You people make me so angry!
You're just disgusting little chavs,
289
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:43,359
living your paltry little lives, eating
shit food and watching the television!
290
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:46,519
And you're the worst of the lot,
because you're old
291
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:49,199
and you're hanging out with
people half your age.
292
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,519
And you have nothing!
293
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:55,039
You're fat, you're ugly, you
disgust me.
294
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,840
Why don't you shut up,
you silly, fat bitch?!
295
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,680
OK.
296
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:07,000
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS
297
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,639
DOOR SLAMS
298
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,920
Was that too much?
299
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:16,560
No, it was good.
300
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,599
I'm worried it was a bit harsh.
301
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,879
It was good.
302
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,159
Yeah.
303
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,839
Don't worry about it.
304
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:27,680
Oh, good. I need a wee-wee.
305
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,400
You're nothing like my mum.
306
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,439
I don't want to think about it.
307
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,079
Seriously. She's Northern.
308
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:41,119
PAUL: Steve.
309
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,919
SHELLY: I don't want to think
about it, to be honest.
310
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,319
Hello, Paul.
311
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:47,839
How was the course?
312
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,319
I haven't been on a course,
have I, you prick!
313
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:52,839
I've met someone, Steve.
I'm in love.
314
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,679
Right.
315
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:56,999
She's called Masoomah, she's 17.
316
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,239
Oh, God.
317
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,559
She's from a family of proper
hard-core Muslims.
318
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,479
Oh, my good God.
319
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:05,159
Like proper hard-core - capes
and veils,
320
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,200
not like these pussy ones
that wear jeans, and drink.
321
00:19:07,201 --> 00:19:08,719
Paul! She's short,
322
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:12,439
she's fit,
she's got a prayer mat...
323
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,560
and I'm going to marry her on
it.
324
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:17,600
OK, where do I start?
325
00:19:17,601 --> 00:19:19,919
I'm not going to live a life of
lies, Steve.
326
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,879
The moronity of it all.
327
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:23,999
Where's Laura?
328
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,480
- SHELLY: She's in the bathroom.
- PAUL: Brilliant.
329
00:19:26,481 --> 00:19:29,279
She's got my telly.
Oi, don't take my telly.
330
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:32,599
Hurry up in there, Laura. I've got
something I want to say.
331
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,400
LAURA: Hi, there, lover.
DAN: Anita!
332
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,839
Oh, my God, Becks,
did you hear all that?
333
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:47,640
Hey! I thought we were meant to
eat that together?
334
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:50,799
I know what we can have with it.
335
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,479
Laura, I need to speak to you.
336
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,560
Be patient, Paul, my darling.
337
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,719
BELL RINGS
338
00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,999
Anita is so horrible.
339
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,399
Apparently, she'll eat a whole tin of
corned beef, as a snack. Dan told me.
340
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:04,919
380 grams.
341
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,719
She'll just crack open a tin
342
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,999
and eat it with a teaspoon.
Can you imagine
343
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,999
what that's doing to her insides?
380 grams of corned beef a day.
344
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,839
That's... In a week, that's...
345
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,760
Are you shitting?
No, Paul, I'm a lady.
346
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,160
Um, that's...
347
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,759
. nearly 4 kilograms.
348
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,799
Bloody hell!
349
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,919
She eats 4 kilograms
of corned beef a week!
350
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,279
Well, I guess that's a lot.
351
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,879
I've no idea how big a kilogram
is.
352
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,079
How big's a kilogram, Becks?
353
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:49,799
What's that? Bag of sugar?
That's...
354
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:54,360
You OK? Or am I being the
world's biggest idiot again?
355
00:20:58,440 --> 00:20:59,880
Oh, my God, Becks, what's
happened?
356
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:03,840
Did you ask her to marry you?
357
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:11,800
Julie, can I have a word?
358
00:21:11,801 --> 00:21:14,840
JULIE: Oh, wow. Someone's all
excited.
359
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:19,319
Right, Laura,
I have an announcement to make.
360
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,119
No, Paul, me first.
361
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:22,839
Becks, you'll want to hear this.
362
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,559
Right, fine. I'll say it now,
because who gives a fucking shit?!
363
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,879
Language, Paul.
Oh, shut up!
364
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,719
Paul, you're being noisy.
Don't speak like that to me!
365
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,600
I'll speak to you how I like,
Paul. I'm pregnant.
366
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:42,439
No, you're not.
367
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,079
Yes, I am, Paul.
368
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,719
No, you're fucking not.
369
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,599
Oh, yes, I am, Paul.
370
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:48,799
SHE LAUGHS
371
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,760
You're not really, though, are
you?
372
00:21:50,761 --> 00:21:51,999
Yes!
373
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,759
Aren't I amazing?
374
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,880
I'm someone's mummy.
375
00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:59,120
Wow, well done.
376
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,239
Sorry...
377
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:03,879
Yeah.
378
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:05,480
Amazing! Congratulations.
379
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,680
I'm going to give birth in a
bath.
380
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,319
You'll have to get in with me,
381
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:14,679
and we'll name it and raise it
and love it
382
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:16,719
and dress it.
We'll have it immunised
383
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:18,479
and feed it milk.
384
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:20,960
Oh, Julie babes,
we'll have so much fun.
385
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,599
Julie...
386
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:27,279
Sorry, I've got to tell Julie.
She's going to be the fairy godmother.
387
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,680
Julie babes, I've got something
I want to tell you.
388
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,079
Julie!
389
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:34,040
Wait, Julie.
390
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,880
Paul, my mum's on the phone.
She wants to speak to you.
391
00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:57,200
Come on.
392
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:00,240
Speak to her.
393
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:04,000
It's my bike.
394
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:07,600
I was going to sell that.
395
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,600
Can you believe the rain?
396
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:20,719
She's gone.
397
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,680
She won't be coming back.
398
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,000
THUNDER RUMBLES
399
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:31,040
Look at me.
400
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,039
I was 18.
401
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:52,119
It was Tenerife. It wasn't even a real
ring, it was one of those sweets.
402
00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:55,759
You know pick 'n' mix. I don't know what
they're called but they're usually red.
403
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:57,319
Strawberry.
404
00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:00,599
Pretty small, chewy...
Shaped like a ring.
405
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,279
They're really nice.
406
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,079
Yes, OK, I know them.
407
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:05,759
Right.
408
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:07,680
It was nothing.
409
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,400
It wasn't like you and me.
410
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:18,360
Becks!
411
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,480
Leave it, it'll dry itself.
412
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:34,040
(HIGH-PITCHED) Would it
help if I did a silly voice?
413
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:45,880
How did you feel when
she said no?
414
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,440
HE SIGHS
415
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:55,799
I was gutted.
416
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,799
HE SIGHS
417
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,439
I was. I was completely gutted.
418
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:03,920
Of course I was, I'd just been dumped.
I'm not going to lie to you.
419
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,559
But it...
420
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,039
It doesn't mean anything.
421
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,319
If I'd have known that you
existed,
422
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,759
I would have never have
given a shit about it.
423
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:20,599
It's not like I loved her.
I was just... used to her.
424
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,840
SHE SOBS
425
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:31,000
I don't think she's ever made me
laugh.
426
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:40,759
All I wanted to do today is help Edward,
cos he's just a boy who needs helping,
427
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,440
that's all.
428
00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:46,720
I was being a Good Samaritan.
429
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,080
THUNDER RUMBLES
430
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:53,680
Why are you quoting the Bible?
431
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:55,840
No.
432
00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,680
What do you mean,
a Good Samaritan?
433
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,279
Not from the Bible, it's just a
saying.
434
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,639
That comes from the Bible.
435
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,080
It's not from the Bible.
436
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,840
It's from the Samaritans.
It's a phone company.
437
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,160
Laura's pregnant.
438
00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:29,679
Is she?
439
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,000
Yeah.
440
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:36,600
Oh, my God. That kid's going to be
total nightmare.
441
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:42,400
They'd better not bring it
round. Hmm, fuck that.
442
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,520
Why would anyone want to marry
Julie?
443
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:58,999
And Bilbo?
444
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,080
I'm not like that any more.
445
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,359
I don't know what you're like.
446
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:10,359
I've only known you nine months.
447
00:27:10,360 --> 00:27:12,240
You might turn out to be
a serial killer.
448
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:20,799
You might be one of these men that
meets women, rapes and kills them,
449
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,359
boils them in the bath
and then eats them.
450
00:27:23,360 --> 00:27:26,040
I wish I was ... that sounds
brilliant.
451
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:33,639
Thanks for getting rid of her.
452
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:35,080
It was good, wasn't it?
453
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,039
I quite enjoyed it. I felt all
manly.
454
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:40,920
Thank God you're not manly.
455
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:43,119
I'm manly.
456
00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:45,040
No, you're not.
457
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:54,279
Do you want to do something?
458
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,519
Do you wanna get out the house?
459
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,840
I know it's wet, but we can get on a
bus, ride about.
460
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,279
Get a bit of fresh air, go out
of town.
461
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:07,000
Anything you want. We can do some
shopping, go Nando's.
462
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:10,599
It's a bit stuffy in here,
innit?
463
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,000
Might be nice to get out the
flat.
464
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,040
HE CHUCKLES
465
00:28:25,065 --> 00:28:27,065
Subtitles by APOLLO
www.addic7ed.com
466
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,159
♪ Come closer and cuddle me
tight
467
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:36,599
♪ My heart goes boom-bang-a-bang
Boom-bang-a-bang
468
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,079
♪ When you are near
469
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:41,039
♪ Boom-bang-a-bang all the time
470
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:45,359
♪ It's such a lovely feeling
471
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:49,639
♪ When I'm in your arms
472
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:53,999
♪ Don't go away I wanna stay
my whole life through
473
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,640
♪ Boom-bang-a-bang
Close to you. ♪
474
00:28:55,690 --> 00:29:00,240
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