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1
00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:10,040
Careful. It's electric.
2
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,240
You're bleeding again.
3
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:21,560
Do you want to lick it?
4
00:00:21,561 --> 00:00:23,439
No.
5
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,159
No!
6
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,999
Come on. Don't be a dick.
7
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,040
Steve!
8
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:34,079
If you loved me,
you'd lick my blood.
9
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:35,879
Seriously, Becks!
10
00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:37,519
You'll electrocute yourself.
11
00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:40,039
I'll be the one
that has to tell your parents.
12
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,319
Is that your only problem
with me electrocuting myself?
13
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:44,800
Yes.
14
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,720
It just doesn't make any sense.
15
00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:08,080
Mmm.
16
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,680
I've just moved in
with the world's biggest idiot.
17
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THEY SIGH
18
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:34,520
Shall we unpack your stuff?
19
00:01:34,521 --> 00:01:35,680
Ugh.
20
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:57,480
I was thinking
we should make a rota.
21
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,959
Becks.
22
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,559
I was thinking of making a rota.
23
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,639
Yeah, I heard you.
I was ignoring you.
24
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,800
Just for the cleaning and stuff.
25
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,480
What are we going to clean?
26
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:16,680
I don't know. The kitchen? The loo?
27
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,500
What's the point of
cleaning something if
28
00:02:23,501 --> 00:02:25,839
you're only going to
go and shit in it?
29
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,319
Or the washing up.
30
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:32,240
Oh, please can we get...
We're not getting paper plates.
31
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,640
Mmm. Salty.
32
00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:45,239
I got sweaty bringing the stuff up.
33
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,600
Mmm.
34
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,119
HE TUTS
35
00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:52,640
Becky!
36
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,959
All the hangers
have to face the same way.
37
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,719
What?
38
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,799
Are you a lunatic?
39
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,479
It makes it easier
when you take them out!
40
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:12,119
DOORBELL RINGS
41
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:15,239
If you make a rota,
I'll kill myself.
42
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,160
Where are the others?
43
00:03:24,161 --> 00:03:25,519
I'm early.
44
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,560
Oh. OK, come in.
45
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:32,319
All right, Shell?
46
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:33,480
What's it like out?
47
00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:37,279
It's lovely. Yeah. Very nice.
48
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:38,720
Good...
49
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,799
Well, congratulations on the move.
50
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,280
I got you this.
51
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:54,920
Ooh. It's come back.
52
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,319
Aww. That's lovely.
53
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,359
Aww! Thanks, Shell.
54
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,999
Kieran made it. He's got these pens.
55
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,639
He's a clever boy.
56
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,360
Yeah. His father was a judge.
57
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,319
I need a wee!
58
00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,160
SHE CHUCKLES
59
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,919
Shall I wait in there
till the others arrive?
60
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,400
That's a good idea.
Oh, OK.
61
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,480
How did she meet a judge?
62
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:44,880
Oh, Becky, Steve! Before I forget.
63
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,840
Yeah?
I bumped into Julie Taylor.
64
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,159
DOORBELL RINGS
65
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,519
I'll get that.
66
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,679
I've known her for ages, cos
I used to shag her dad. Oh, did you?
67
00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:59,559
I've moved in!
68
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,879
Congratulations!
Oh, my God, Becks.
69
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,020
You're never going to
guess who got me a job
70
00:05:04,021 --> 00:05:06,159
interview, is she, Paul?
Julie Taylor. Paul!
71
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:09,119
I apologise for that, Becks.
I wanted you to guess.
72
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,879
So she's moved in.
73
00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,479
Steve, I was just in Boots for my Omega
3, and guess who works there now?
74
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,399
Julie Taylor?
75
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,560
Yes, Steve. Well done.
76
00:05:17,561 --> 00:05:21,039
God, she's hot, Becks.
She's like something out of Nuts.
77
00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,959
Lovely. And she remembered me
from Brownies...
78
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,519
because I had all the badges...
79
00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,879
and I told her about you and Steve,
and she's got me a job interview!
80
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,880
They're going to stick her
on the perfume counter.
81
00:05:30,881 --> 00:05:32,879
I don't know about that.
82
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,959
They will. They stick all the fit
ones on the perfume counter.
83
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:40,399
I didn't know you went out with
Julie Taylor, Steve.
84
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,119
Yeah, I was a very different person
then.
85
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,380
I tell you, if I got
on the end of that,
86
00:05:45,381 --> 00:05:47,639
I'd bang it till its teeth came out.
Paul!
87
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:48,679
What? I would.
88
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,919
She said she's popping round.
Shelly told her where you live.
89
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:53,159
Oh, did she?
90
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:54,399
Sorry!
91
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,839
Don't worry, Becks.
She's out of Steve's league.
92
00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,959
Just put something nice on.
93
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,439
Something slutty. Make the effort.
94
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,479
Wear your Ben Sherman.
Don't be a dick.
95
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,079
Ooh, I really need a wee-wee.
So do a wee-wee.
96
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:09,799
She's "popping round"?!
97
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:12,320
PAUL AND SHELLY CHAT
IN THE BACKGROUND
98
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:19,040
Who just "pops round"
their ex-boyfriend's house?
99
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,680
What?
Do people still do that?
100
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:26,799
Yes.
101
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,039
Really?
102
00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:29,080
Yes!
103
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:33,519
It's come straight off a tree!
Of course I'm going to rub it.
104
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:37,719
I'm not just going to eat something
that's been on a tree! All right...!
105
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,080
Bloody hell.
106
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,159
If she comes round,
just get rid of her.
107
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:48,599
Then you and me will snuggle up
and have sex on a chair.
108
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,479
Really? Yeah.
109
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,599
I'd love that.
I know you would.
110
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,160
Thanks.
111
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,159
So, in future, just make sure
you're not here before Paul and I,
112
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,759
because frankly, Shelly, Becky's
my sister, and you're fucking rude.
113
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,399
I didn't want to wait in the rain.
114
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,719
I've said everything I've got to say
on the matter.
115
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:17,319
So I've moved out of Mum and Dad's
at last!
116
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,159
Steve!
117
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:21,360
- Hooray!
What are you doing?
118
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:23,640
I'm about to do a wee.
119
00:07:23,641 --> 00:07:25,720
I have some very important
news, and Paul's
120
00:07:25,721 --> 00:07:27,799
got to be back at one.
Can I just do a wee?
121
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:31,399
No. If you're more than five
minutes late from lunch,
122
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:34,359
Dean, the new guy, he makes you
down a pint of wine.
123
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,359
Bloody hell.
A pint of wine?
124
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:37,479
Yeah.
125
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,599
Well, let me just do a quick wee,
and...
126
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,640
No, Steve.
127
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:46,840
Ridiculous.
128
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:55,919
So. First things first, we've chosen
a choir for the wedding.
129
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,399
- Ooh!
We've been emailing a vicar,
130
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,479
and he's given us the website of a choir
made up entirely of blind people.
131
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,159
Seriously, Steve. Can't see a thing.
132
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,400
That's nice. Very nice.
133
00:08:06,401 --> 00:08:09,719
That's very generous of you, Laura.
- I know, Shelly.
134
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,240
It's an act of charity.
But also it's a tribute to
135
00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:14,760
Paul's uncle, who is
unfortunately himself blind.
136
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,359
Is he? Yeah.
137
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:18,879
He got stabbed in the eyes.
138
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:22,479
So we're inviting submissions
for hymns for them to learn.
139
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,679
We want something upbeat,
like they have at black weddings.
140
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,719
But also something with a heart.
141
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,959
Something about baby Jesus.
- Exactly, Shell.
142
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,799
I want it to be a very serene
ceremony,
143
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,480
like when Diana died.
144
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,080
STEVE SNIGGERS
145
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,119
Sorry.
146
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:46,239
There's nothing funny about Diana,
Steve. She was beautiful.
147
00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,200
Yes. She was.
148
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:50,879
For God's sake, Steve.
149
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,279
SHELLY: She was too beautiful
to live,
150
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:57,359
but she was too young to die.
151
00:08:57,360 --> 00:09:00,320
That's nice. Did you come up
with that yourself, Shell?
152
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,400
Very clever. Well done.
153
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,279
OK! Finished?
154
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,800
No, Steve. Sit the fuck down.
155
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,159
I want to do a wee!
156
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,280
Steve.
157
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:19,039
I now hand you over to Paul
for the main event of the day.
158
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:21,079
Becks. Steve. Put your apples down.
159
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:24,159
This is very important.
160
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,879
I told Julie Taylor about this,
and she was very excited.
161
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:30,639
Right. So you know Iggy got put away
cos he lost it with his missus?
162
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:31,999
No. What do you mean?
163
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:36,359
Well, she wound him up,
and he got annoyed, and...
164
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:40,559
Put it this way -
she won't be doing the hokey-cokey.
165
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:44,200
PAUL AND LAURA LAUGH
166
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,479
Needless to say,
I'm going to need a new best man.
167
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,679
And I've decided to announce,
once and for all,
168
00:09:56,680 --> 00:10:00,240
who better for the job
than my one and only best buddy?
169
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,639
Steve.
170
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,600
Three cheers for Steve! Hip hip...
171
00:10:05,601 --> 00:10:06,799
ALL: Hooray.
172
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,839
LAURA: Hip hip... ALL: Hooray!
LAURA: Hip hip... ALL: Hooray!
173
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,119
One for luck?
174
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:12,479
ALL: Hip hip, hooray!
175
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,760
Now give him his present, Paul.
176
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:19,879
No... Are you sure? What about
Darren? Or the other Paul?
177
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,840
Open your present, mate.
178
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,760
It's for your speech, Steve.
So you can write down
179
00:10:33,761 --> 00:10:36,079
all the funny little
things Paul says and does.
180
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,279
Like the time I smashed up
Mothercare!
181
00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:39,760
HE LAUGHS MANICALLY
182
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:46,919
Now the bride, the chief bridesmaid
and the maid of honour
183
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:50,359
are going to depart to let the groom
and his new best man
184
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,839
get up to some mischief.
185
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,120
Come on, Becks. Shelly.
186
00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,760
Congratulations, Steve.
187
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:06,239
You'll have lots of fun on the stag do,
won't you, with all Paul's friends?
188
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:07,879
LAURA: Becky!
189
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:09,320
Mmm.
190
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:14,200
HISSES: Shit, don't go!
191
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,439
I've got three words for you.
192
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,880
Coke, whores and violence.
193
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,719
Steve looked so pleased, didn't he?
194
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,279
Can I have some OJ, Becks?
195
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:35,879
Yeah. Of course.
196
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:39,759
So you've moved in, then?
You've gone through with it? Yeah.
197
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,840
It's great.
198
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,639
Weird, but...
199
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:47,599
You know there's always a bed
at Mum and Dad's.
200
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,199
Er, yep.
And at ours.
201
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,080
If Luke's not on the chaise longue.
202
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,839
I want more than that.
203
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,439
There's also refuges, Becks.
204
00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:01,639
Women's refuges. Shelly stayed in
one, didn't you, Shell? - Yeah.
205
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,279
I know it sounds a lot of fun,
206
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:07,199
a refuge full of girls
chilling and talking about boys,
207
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,520
but you do have to
watch out for the lezzers.
208
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,119
Fill it to the top, Becks.
I'm parched.
209
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,399
I'm parched, but I also need
a wee-wee.
210
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,239
I'm funny like that, aren't I,
Shell?
211
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:22,000
Everything I do ends up being funny.
212
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,279
Ugh. It's got bits in it.
213
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,160
Pete's sake, I'm not drinking that.
214
00:12:31,161 --> 00:12:34,239
We're going to this parlour in
Gateshead where my cousins went.
215
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:37,260
It's hot, and it's
full of whores.
216
00:12:37,261 --> 00:12:40,279
You pay a flat fee, and
it's like all you can eat.
217
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:44,079
And we're going to go in the street,
and wind everyone up and hit them.
218
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:47,639
And we're going to drink Stella
till we're basically disabled.
219
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:52,719
And we're going to do so much coke
we look like fucking Santa.
220
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:57,879
Then, during the days,
they've got a railway museum.
221
00:12:57,880 --> 00:12:59,079
OK.
222
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:02,319
And the genius of it
is because you're organising it,
223
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:06,559
Laura's going to believe anything
you tell her. It's genius.
224
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:10,079
So we'll tell her we're
paintballing, or some bollocks,
225
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,279
and she'll believe it
because she's a moron,
226
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,420
and actually we're
smashing the fuck out of
227
00:13:15,421 --> 00:13:18,559
Geordies, and sitting up
to our necks in tits.
228
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:21,839
When I moved in with Paul,
I wrote a will.
229
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,759
Ooh, yeah. I should write a will.
230
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,519
It was just a part of my long-term
commitment to Paul.
231
00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,559
So basically I'm leaving all my
possessions, or what have you...
232
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:32,159
my bits and bobs, my straighteners,
my TV, my globe...
233
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,920
I'm leaving that all to Paul,
because he's the love of my life.
234
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:38,719
Sorry.
235
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,359
And then I'm going to leave £50
to an animal sanctuary.
236
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,959
Just because it's nice to give
something back to the animals,
237
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,380
isn't it, after everything
they've done for us?
238
00:13:46,381 --> 00:13:47,799
- Yeah.
239
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,759
You know, pulling stuff.
Guarding things.
240
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,360
Making honey.
DOORBELL RINGS
241
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,519
You could write a book about it.
242
00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:01,079
SHELLY: That'll be Julie Taylor.
I bumped into her in Boots.
243
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,240
Shall I answer it?
244
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:05,759
LAURA: Oh. How was your interview?
SHELLY: I got the wrong day.
245
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,919
LAURA: Oh, yeah. I've done that.
246
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:10,000
It's Dan.
247
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,960
Oi.
248
00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,320
Oi. Laura's written a will.
249
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:20,879
Has she?
250
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,999
THEY GIGGLE
251
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,879
What we getting?
I don't know. What do you want?
252
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:29,520
Her telly?
I'll see what I can do.
253
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,319
Can you believe her going on about
Julie in front of you?
254
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:37,919
She's such a twat.
255
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,239
You can say that again.
256
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,200
She...
Don't say it again.
257
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:46,240
There is nothing more despicable
than a man who winks.
258
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:50,279
DOORBELL RINGS
259
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,040
That's what I meant to say,
Laura.
260
00:14:52,041 --> 00:14:54,600
I really like your new telly.
Ah.
261
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,319
All right, Dan?
I've got a girlfriend.
262
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,159
Anita took me back.
263
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,639
Oh.
264
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:03,880
Oh, well done, mate.
265
00:15:03,881 --> 00:15:05,680
She's lost weight. Look.
266
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,119
Didn't know you ate apples.
267
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,239
Yeah.
268
00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,120
They're all right, aren't they?
Yeah.
269
00:15:16,121 --> 00:15:19,439
I like them when they're old and
brown. OK.
270
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,079
What d'you think of her?
271
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:22,519
Um, yeah.
272
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,960
She has lost weight. Great.
Yeah.
273
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,280
Would you do her?
274
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,519
What's that? Anita.
275
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:31,920
Would you do her?
276
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:36,479
Um, well, I... I've got Becky, so...
277
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,879
No, but if you were single,
would you do her?
278
00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:40,919
Um... yes.
279
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:42,239
Excellent.
280
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,199
Where have you gone?
281
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,480
All right, Paul?
I've got a girlfriend.
282
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,519
Steve told you the good news?
Oh, yes.
283
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,559
Um, Paul's asked me
to be his best man.
284
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:55,039
But you don't even like each other!
HE LAUGHS
285
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,040
Yes, we do.
286
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,079
Tell him about your girlfriend.
287
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,519
What do you think?
288
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,679
Would you do her?
Yeah.
289
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,280
Two out of two. Where's Becky?
290
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,039
Hello, everyone. I've got...
Paul, we're going.
291
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,719
Julie'll be here soon,
and I look like a pig.
292
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,140
Oh, you don't look anything
like a pig, Laura.
293
00:16:13,141 --> 00:16:14,559
- Oh, Shelly.
294
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:17,199
You're such an arse-licker!
Brilliant.
295
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,559
Proper apples, from a proper fucking
tree. Where did you get these?
296
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,519
Steve's mum nicked 'em.
Her neighbour's got a garden.
297
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,599
Paul loves apples. Don't you, Paul?
298
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,079
Yeah. They're spasmodic.
299
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:29,900
You could use that in
your speech, Steve.
300
00:16:29,901 --> 00:16:31,719
Paul loves apples. Yeah.
301
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,639
Go on, write it down.
302
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,319
STEVE CHUCKLES
303
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:39,040
Write it down.
STEVE CHUCKLES
304
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,440
Write it down, Steve.
305
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:51,400
HE SIGHS
306
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,720
HE MUMBLES
307
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,360
Thank you, Steve.
308
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:12,800
You all right, Dan?
309
00:17:12,801 --> 00:17:14,800
Yep. Yeah.
310
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,439
Anita took me back.
Got a girlfriend.
311
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,679
That's good.
Yeah.
312
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,479
We had a full English,
313
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,879
I took her to an airfield,
you know...
314
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,079
Right. I'm going to pop home,
315
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,879
have a wee-wee, and do some research
for my Boots audition. Bye!
316
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,040
Bye, Shelly.
317
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:37,640
Bye, everyone!
318
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:45,199
Well, thanks for popping round.
Good luck with Boots.
319
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,359
Thanks, Becks,
but I don't think I need it.
320
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:49,479
See ya later, best man!
321
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:53,079
And congratulations on the move.
I'm really pleased for you both.
322
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,999
Cheers, mate. Thanks, Paul.
323
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:59,079
Come on, Paul. I don't want to
soil myself. Congratulations, guys.
324
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:02,639
Just don't take the piss
with the ironing, Steve.
325
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,999
There's no need to iron his pants
and his socks,
326
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,919
because they're underwear,
and no-one can see 'em.
327
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,599
Thanks, Laur.
328
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,599
Tell Julie
I'll see her next Wednesday.
329
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,719
Yeah. Thanks, Shell.
Seriously, Becks.
330
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:19,039
Put something decent on.
She dresses like a famous person.
331
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,720
Bye, then!
332
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,639
I've got a new air freshener
in my car, Shell.
333
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,079
- Have you?
Yeah.
334
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,599
Do you want to come and have a smell?
- Oh, I'd love to.
335
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,159
It's shaped like a tree.
- Ooh, sounds lovely, Laura.
336
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:32,360
She does his ironing?!
337
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:33,680
Silly cow.
338
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:38,880
Any more of those apples?
339
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:46,680
HE SNEEZES
340
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,320
Thanks.
341
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:00,839
Leave that for an hour.
342
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,280
Hm.
343
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:14,600
Thought there'd be more excitement about
me and Anita. Don't do that, Dan.
344
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,279
Your ex is coming round, is she?
345
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,519
Yeah. Awkward.
346
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:22,880
Hm.
347
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,599
Sorry, are you waiting for me to go?
Yeah.
348
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,599
Sorry.
349
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,639
BOTH: Bye, Dan.
350
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,160
Thanks for coming round.
351
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,040
Ugh!
SHE CHUCKLES
352
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,279
Oh, at last!
353
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:51,639
If we don't have sex soon,
my willy is going to pop.
354
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:55,600
Honestly, it's glowing.
And I need a wee. It's relentless.
355
00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,760
I think I've got an ulcer.
356
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:02,920
Laura's drunk out of that.
357
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,439
Have her lips actually been on it?
Yeah.
358
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:07,720
HE GROANS
359
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:14,240
Ugh. Right...I'm doing my wee.
360
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:20,959
DOORBELL RINGS
361
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,400
Steve?
362
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:27,999
Steve!
363
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,319
Oh, no...
364
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:30,560
Is that her?
365
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:32,599
No...
366
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:33,679
DOORBELL RINGS
367
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,520
We're going to have
to answer it.
368
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,100
OK. You answer it, but
tell her I've gone out.
369
00:20:42,101 --> 00:20:44,199
Like she's going
to believe that.
370
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,319
DOORBELL RINGS
HE SIGHS
371
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:47,720
Steve?
372
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,320
Come on.
No... Wait, Becky! Wait! Becky!
373
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,639
Hello. Sorry to disturb you.
Is Steve there?
374
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,679
Sorry. He can't come to the door.
375
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,439
He's really ill.
376
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,159
Oh.
377
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:07,719
Yeah, he's got the shits.
378
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:09,679
Oh. Poor thing. Yeah...
379
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,399
I think we've met. Julie?
380
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,639
Yeah. Ages ago. Becky.
381
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,239
Becky. Yeah. That's right.
Laura's sister.
382
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,439
Yes.
Laura's a little minx, isn't she?
383
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:20,759
Such a laugh.
384
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,639
She's hilarious.
I got her a job interview.
385
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,760
Pulled some strings.
I could get you one if you like.
386
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:29,199
Thanks.
387
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:30,879
I hear you moved in today.
388
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,599
Yes. Congratulations. Shelly...
389
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,479
Do you know Shelly Mills?
390
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:37,300
Yeah. She's hilarious.
391
00:21:37,301 --> 00:21:39,119
She's thick as shit, but
you've got to love her.
392
00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:44,719
She mentioned it, and I had this.
It's Steve's - it's his favourite CD.
393
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,720
It's been knocking round
my parents' house
394
00:21:46,721 --> 00:21:48,719
for ages, so I thought
I'd come round...
395
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,839
Get rid of it at last.
That's nice.
396
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:52,279
Thank you.
397
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:56,679
I'm an old friend. Well.
Not a friend, but... you know...
398
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:57,919
Yes.
399
00:21:57,920 --> 00:21:59,720
Girlfriend. Yeah.
400
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:02,480
Ha. Whoops.
401
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:07,039
Funny. We went out for a while,
actually. Yeah.
402
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,599
Two and half years?
403
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:12,119
Yeah. Right up till I went off
to uni. Mad.
404
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:15,079
Seriously. I've just finished...
405
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:19,560
Business and Admin. Yeah. Bolton.
Crazy days. Best years of my life.
406
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,720
So how is he?
Apart from being poorly.
407
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,079
He's good.
408
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:31,840
Good.
409
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:35,920
All right, Steve?
410
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:40,160
Yep!
411
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,999
Congratulations on being
Paul Parker's best man.
412
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,279
Th-Thanks. Thank you.
413
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:48,120
I hope you feel better!
414
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:51,519
HE GROANS
415
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,839
Aww.
416
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:57,359
Well, I'll leave him my number,
and he can call me when he's better,
417
00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:59,359
and me and him
can have a proper catch-up.
418
00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:02,079
I'm sure he'd love to.
I'm doing the marathon in April.
419
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,359
I'll have to get you to sponsor me!
It's going to be hilarious.
420
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:07,919
I'll be dressed as a chicken.
421
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:09,160
Have you got any paper?
422
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:13,440
Paper... Paper...
423
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,360
Now where do we keep
all our stationery...?
424
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:38,239
Oh, my God! Thank fuck for that!
I'm dying for a piss.
425
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:42,479
D'you reckon I should text Laura and
ask her if I'm allowed to go yet?!
426
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,079
She gets worse.
427
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:48,479
What was Julie's excuse, Becks?
Bringing a CD round?
428
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,040
Well, that's bollocks.
That's so clearly bollocks!
429
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,719
Oh. That feels good.
430
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:57,439
Ohhh.
431
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,759
Ohhhh.
432
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,319
Bringing a CD round?!
433
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:05,319
What a twat!
434
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:09,959
Oh! Oh, that's lovely... Ohh...
435
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:13,200
Hey, Becks! Are we still going
to shag on the chair?
436
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,520
TOILET FLUSHES
437
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,000
TAP RUNS
438
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:54,920
Hello...!
439
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:57,559
Hi.
440
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,199
I was just bringing this round.
441
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,079
Oh!
442
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,919
Brilliant. I'll listen to that.
443
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,680
It's just been cluttering up
my parents' house. Yes. Sorry.
444
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,559
How are your parents? All right?
445
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,040
Yeah.
446
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:16,200
Good. Good...
447
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,199
You well?
448
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,479
Yeah.
449
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:22,520
You?
450
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,359
My tummy hurts...
451
00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:27,400
Mm.
452
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,679
Well, it was nice to see you.
Yes. S'lovely.
453
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,560
Places to go. People to meet.
454
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,680
Bye, Becky. Bye.
455
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:48,520
No!
456
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:51,559
Nooo!
457
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,319
You are such a plonker.
458
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,639
Did she hear me?
Of course she heard you!
459
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,679
No way!
460
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,599
You just stood there weeing!
461
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,860
Well, I can't stop
mid-flow, you know that.
462
00:26:01,861 --> 00:26:04,119
You know I can't stop mid-flow...!
463
00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:07,239
Oh, I can't believe I just did that.
464
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:10,359
After she went to all that trouble
to bring your CD round.
465
00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:13,799
Oi, you, leave her alone.
She's got places to go, people to meet.
466
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:15,240
BECKY SNIGGERS
467
00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:30,199
So then, best man...
468
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:33,600
Ohh, it is going to be horrible.
469
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,639
Now that you've got rid of her
so delicately,
470
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,080
and everyone's left us alone
at last...
471
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,320
Any idea what we should do next?
472
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:48,639
Nope.
473
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:50,759
No?
474
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,399
It feels to me like you've just had
a very good idea.
475
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,719
♪ Come closer, come closer,
and listen
476
00:26:56,720 --> 00:27:00,799
♪ The beat of my heart
keeps on missin'... ♪
477
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,039
Er...
478
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,559
did you throw
my fairy lights in the bin?
479
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,400
♪ ... Come closer
and love me tonight... ♪
480
00:27:07,401 --> 00:27:08,879
No!
481
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,399
You little bastard!
482
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,399
Ho-ho, Becky!
483
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,359
Woo-hoo!
484
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:17,599
♪ My heart goes boom-bang-a-bang
Boom-bang-a-bang
485
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,559
♪ When you are near
486
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,079
♪ Boom bang-a-bang-bang all the time
487
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:26,879
♪ It's such a lovely feeling
488
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:31,239
♪ When I'm in your arms
489
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:34,199
♪ Don't go away
I wanna stay my whole life through
490
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,799
♪ Boom bang-a-bang-bang
Close to you. ♪
491
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:38,719
Subtitles by APOLLO
www.addic7ed.com
492
00:27:38,769 --> 00:27:43,319
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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