All language subtitles for Black.Monday.S03E05.SIX.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

upbeat music

It's Showtime tonight

Previously on Black Monday...

Just let little old Keithy

take care of the funeral
arrangements.

[Blair] Are the pallbearers
modeling Pfaffashions?

It's genius, right?

Mike?
Holy shit, are those Skants?

I call it an ass cape.

To the two most important girls
in my life.

Dawn told me everything.

She's a really good friend
to you, Mo.

Two people very close to me

were killed under
mysterious circumstances.

I'm afraid I might be next.

Uh, no refunds.

slow jazz music

[Mo] Nomi, I'm telling you,
you're never gonna guess.

[Nomi] Well, I know
we're on an elevator

based on the feeling
in my feet...

No.

...and this shitty
elevator music.

Okay, but to be fair,
it could be anywhere,

and I'm surprised
that a jazz fiend

such as yourself
would call it shitty.

And it's Saturday,
so the office will be empty.

Oh, my God, will you stop?

You're gonna ruin
your whole birthday thing.

Well, then
if I had to guess...

Which I have asked you
not to do.

...I would say you're taking me
back to the studio....

No.

...to re-create the magic
of the night we met.

-Mo, that's perfect.
-Mm-hmm.

-We can chase our instincts...
-Mm-hmm.

-...our whims, our tails.
-Mm.

You are so far off.

-Oh, am I?
-Uh-huh.

Well, let me start off
with a little surprise for you.

-Okay.
-Close your eyes.

Mm-hmm.

-Okay, open up.

-Oh, no, Nomi, no.
-No?

No, no, Nomi, Nomi.

-Oh, yeah?
-Wait, no!

This is--Nomi!
There's jazz--Nomi!

-Nomi, Nomi!
Come and get me.

Nomi, no!
Oh, no, no, no, Nomi!

No, no, no, no, no, shit.

Hey, fellas.

hip-hop music

People, we have
an image crisis on our hands.

And don't forget blood.

I mean,
it's kind of hard not to

because it was so nightmarish.

Keith, your festive
festival food choice

reflects the same poor judgment
that got us into this mess.

Ugh, why are you eating that?

I lead a very active
business lifestyle.

I need a lunch
that can keep up.

All right, HGTV, as our
church elders can attest,

is not new to image
crisis-ies."

Is that how you--the plural
should be, like, "crises."

-"Crisis-es."
-"To-may-to," "to-mah-to."

Well, no, 'cause
"to-may-to," "to-mah-to"

is just a pronunciation thing.

This is more
about a pluralization.

-Okay, Keith--
-I'm just saying.

It'd be like
"tomatoes," "tomatoes."

The point is, we've been
down this road before.

Back in 1977, we briefly
became a snake church

until many parishioners died,

which is when we became
an anti-snake church...

-Okay.
-...until even more

parishioners died
while pursuing said snakes,

which is how we became

the snake-neutral church
that you know and love today.

That's how I lost my wife

back when snake marriage
was legal.

Jeremiah, when you violate
the basic laws of nature,

there's-there's gonna be
some fallout.

-So sorry for your loss.
Anyway,

HGTV and Pfaffashion
need to issue

a joint televised apology
honoring the victim.

Wait a second.
We got our money.

The IPO is back on track.

I don't understand
why Pfaffashions

has to apologize for HGTV.

I don't understand
why you're still here.

-Ouch.
Tiff,

-you're a smart...
Yes.

-...media-savvy...
-Yes.

-...responsible...
-Yeah.

-...religious...
-No.

-...woman.
-I am.

I want you to produce this spot

while I work on buying off
the victim's widow.

-Oh, I shall at once.
Great.

Jeremiah and Hezekiah
have already written a script.

Tiff, I want you to stick to it
word for word.

-Okay.
-And, Keith,

you can suck stick.

Gladly.

upbeat music

You are gonna love

your new FBI-installed
security system, sir.

The agent gave me
the full rundown.

Ah, well, it'll be nice
to have a place to feel safe

with an assassin
plotting against me.

Well, this
triple-bolt action lock

will keep anyone out.

As for surveillance--

Yes, when do they
put in the cameras?

Last week.

Our FBI hidden camera system
is so discreet,

you'll never know where,
when, or how we installed it.

Werner.

Guess where the camera is.

It's amazing.
I can't even see it.

'Cause there's not one.

They had to lose it
to cover all the bathrooms.

Werner.

Bathrooms?

'Cause the one downstairs
is where I go to take a sh--

No, believe me, they know.

Okay, but the one upstairs
is where I go to mastur--

They know, sir.

They're working on getting you
a coach for that.

-Werner.
-Oh, by the way,

they suggest
that you get them a copy

of your enemies list ASAP.

I don't have a list
of my enemies.

The killer is not gonna be
someone close to me

who goes unsuspected
until the final moment.

Sir, political assassination
has been around since Jesus.

Now, that was just
Jew-on-Jew crime,

but today
you can't rule anyone out.

But don't worry.
We'll find him.

I might have misspoken there.
You should worry.

Somebody's out to kill you.

But maybe not too much.

Try to find a happy balance.

-Werner?

Baby, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.

I thought you were yelling,
"Nomi."

I was saying, "No, Nomi, no."

-You think this is funny?
-A little bit.

Baby, come on, I booked the
best string section in New York

along with commissioning
a-a song to be arranged

and composed
by fucking Klaus Pinkwater.

I'm sorry, I'm-I'm still
just a little shook.

-Just no more surprises, okay?
-No, no, no, no more surprises.

Oh, happy birthday, girl!

Oh!

Bring it in.
Hey, look at you!

Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Why are you in here?

And what the fuck
is happening here?

Well, I'm here
to pick up my paycheck,

and at $380 a week,
you're screwing

your secretaries
harder than most bosses,

except out of money
and not in the ass.

Mm, well, at $380 a week,
you could argue it's both.

-Ah, my girl!
-Mm-hmm.

And I'm in here because I know

this is where you keep
all the good...

...booze.

But since you guys are here,

I made Nomi
a bomb-ass birthday mix.

-What? No.
-Yes.

I don't--what's happening?

Hmm? Well, when you told me
Dawn was the one

who got me put on the radio,
I made her a thank-you mix.

And we've been trading
back and forth ever since.

Turns out, we've got
the same taste in tunes.

Among other things.

Oh, God, look at him, Nom'.

Steam's about
to blast out of his ears

like that little robot bitch
from Small Wonder.

Oh, I hate that show.

How does no one find it fucked
that a middle-aged man

built an anatomically correct
young girl

-to do housework and shit...
-It's crazy.

...in a small, frilly
fucking red dress?

Everybody fucking hates
Small Wonder.

Whoa, just chill, Mo,
all right?

It's cool.

But what's not cool is you
not telling me about this.

Look, when we recorded
that demo,

that was my first time
recording anything ever,

and now you want me
to go out there

and record with these pros?

Babe, you're a pro, okay?

You were a pro from go.

But listen, this day
is about you, okay?

If you wanna ditch this shit
and split a milkshake with Dawn

and talk about my magic dick

while I quietly light myself
on fire,

no, go ahead;
it's your party.

Oh, boy, I get it.

Looks like
a classic Mo fuckup.

Trust me, this guy fucks up

more than a horse
banging a giraffe.

Mm.

But?

But this-this might also
be the most thoughtful fuckup

I've ever seen
this fuckup make.

Your man takes
big swings, girl,

'cause he loves you.

Fuck it. I'm in.

-Great!
-On one condition.

Dawn, can you please stay?

I mean, not only do you
get me musically,

but it'd be nice
to have a lady friend around.

Okay, okay, well, I guess
then "fuck its" all around.

Hey, "fuck its"
all around, great.

Okay, now let's go make
some kickass...

smooth jazz!

Really, $380?

The guy who cleans
the shitter makes--

Actually has a job.

Oh, I'm doing a job,
all right.

-What's your job here?
-I'm pretty much keeping

your fucking relationship
out of the shitter.

Wipe your nose.

Fuck you.

Tiff, we need to talk.

Ugh, make it quick,
'cause I'm just under

so much pressure
from Corkie.

Yeah, me, too,
with Larry, but--

I'm just not used
to working so hard

or working, full stop.

Listen, all due,
fuck that dead loser.

That's HGTV's problem.

And also, fuck HGTV.

We've got a much bigger set
of customers we can sell to,

and if we make our ad
too religious,

we might lose it.

But only churches buy Skants.

That's what I thought too.

Then I checked the sales data

and, uh, found a pretty
interesting demographic.

Hmm.

-Gay club kids?
-Yeah, but look closer.

From an ass-eye view,

all these club queens
are Skants-ily clad.

Keith, do you have any idea
what this means?

Everyone knows that style
trends start with the gays

and end with television
comedy writers.

Exactly, so why are we worried
about a dead guy

when our company
should be focused on live gays?

Keith?
Mike!

Oh, what are you doing here?

-Tiff Georgina-Pfaff?
-Um...

It's TG fucking PF.

I can't even.

When America's
most kidnapped denim heiress

cried on HGTV,
it completely changed the way

I obsess over public meltdowns.

We have something
you need to see.

Oh.

A gay icon
and passing straight realness.

You're pulling out
all the stops.

I like the dog collar.

-Oh, woof, woof.
Keith, look!

They're all me!

Look at all these drag Tiffs!

You have no idea how...
many notes I have.

dramatic music

Come on.

You don't have any friends
who are secretly enemies.

What would you even call them,

"enemends"?

-Okay, keep it together.

Uh, okay, a good start
would be

not talking to ourselves
like a total psycho,

especially in total psycho
plural first person.

Why don't we just, uh,
kick back and relax

and watch some TV
in the bedroom?

Ahh.

That's better.

How can it be

Could--

Shit, I--
did I start at the wrong part?

I'm not used
to reading sheet music.

No, no, babe, it was great.
It's beautiful.

I think the song
just wants to start earlier,

that's all,
so let's cut a bar.

Take it back from the top,
guys.

We're gonna take it back
from the top, Bruce.

Relax, it'll be great.

How can it be

Okay, that one was my fault.

Okay, tell you what.
Let's cut two bars.

I think
that's the secret sauce.

Two bars, Brucey,
cutting two bars, okay.

It sounds great to me...

...girl! Don't worry.

-I love it.
-She can't hear you.

You have to press this.

Oh, okay.
I said...

...it sounds good, girl!

-Fuck.
-You don't have to yell.

-[Mo] You don't have to yell!
-You can just...

-Oh.
-[Mo] Sorry, let's go again.

Okay, back from the top.

We're gonna get it.
Don't you worry.

"Wonderlove," take six...

ty-three.

-[Mo] Hang on.

Brucey, I'm--one note.
Just one second.

-Oh, Jesus.
-This isn't Nomi's fault.

It's jazz music.

Mm, mm-mm.

You see?
I'm still sleepy.

But in order
for it to work in the song,

you understand, the lyric,
it's gotta rhyme, right?

So it's-it's
"moving all mischievous,

dancing all devious."

- eerie music

And you see here, for the rhyme
to work in the next line--

And I wouldn't even know that

because we haven't even
gotten that far.

-Oh.
-[Nomi] Yeah?

Excuse me.

-[Mo] Nomi.
-Excuse me.

Oh, boy, here we go.

It's-it's fine.

-Hey.
-Hey.

So you're not cooking
with jazz...

yet, you know?

But...it's not on you, Nomi.

Of course it is.

Look, Dawn,

just like Mo's
been lying about his foot,

I've been hiding something too.

I am not
a fucking jazz singer.

I don't even like this
dentist chair dog shit.

Mo just so happened
to have met me at my jazz gig,

and he assumed that jazz
was my thing too.

And-and I didn't correct him

'cause everything
was going so right,

but if that Friday
had been a Thursday,

he would've caught me singing
honky-tonk country at BARn.

-Barn?
-BARn.

Capital B-A-R, lowercase N.

-It's a bar.
-Oh.

It's a barn.

It's a really racist
work environment.

-Sounds like it.
-Yeah.

Um, but the point is,
jazz is just a job.

I mean, you heard my mixes.

I like tunes
you can shake your ass to.

But I just didn't want
to disappoint Mo.

He told me that he has never
believed in anyone as much

or fallen in love as fast
or as deep.

-Hmm.
-Yeah, I know, right?

-May I?
-Oh, no, go ahead.

Thank you.

But this music is--
it just isn't me.

-Mm-hmm.
-And I know

what you're gonna say,
that I need to just be honest.

No, no, uh...

if you tell Mo the truth,
you'll embarrass him,

and he'll bug out
like Goldblum.

-Hmm.
-The Fly.

-Mm.
-Yeah.

So what do I do?

Uh, well, leave it to me.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've got a master's
at managing Mo...st men.

-Just follow my lead, okay?
-Okay.

Also, for the record,
was that a quote from Mo?

The, um, deeper,
deep, fast thing?

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's, uh--
that's what he said.

Yeah, we fell in love
pretty fast.

Hmm.

Yeah, just like...

-Yeah.
-Mm.

dramatic music

What the--

Who are you vultures?

RNC, NSC, CIA?

DGA?

I-I don't know
how to make this script work

for hard-core religious zealots
and hard-core party boys.

Look, Corkie said
stick to the script,

but she didn't say a word
about casting.

Keith, we cannot veer too far
from Corkie's vision.

We're not, besides firing
all the apostles

and hiring Mike
and his friends

and adding
a sexy Mary Magdalene--

you know, the straight
love interest

for our super-hot Jesus--

just to kind of cover
our bases,

which I did 20 minutes ago,
which she won't even notice.

But no other changes.

dramatic music

Who the hell?

Christ.

The power of you compels you.

Wait.

All political assassinations
started with...

-Jesus.

Oh.

Oh, God.
Oh, God!

What's happening to me?

There, try it now.

-Aha, all right!

Everybody got
that 16-hour second wind?

[chuckles] Yeah.
You guys good?

Let's have some fun.

All right, Brucey, hit it.
Let's do it.

Ah, yes, so I have an idea.

I cannot hear you, Dawn.

Okay. Wait. I'm sorry.
How does this--

Okay.
Yes.

Uh, Mo, I'm not a producer

like you, but...

what do you think if maybe
we up the tempo a bit,

like double time
or double-double time?

Hmm, yeah, well, you know,
Dawn makes a-a fair point.

-Ah.
-She's not a producer.

Okay, so we agree.

And while we're at it,
how about we add,

um, bass, um, some drums,

or anything else that makes
this remotely interesting?

And maybe we should, um...

...lose the strings?

Yeah, whispering
over the talkback doesn't work.

Oh, can they hear me?

Just like muddying
up the low end of the track

doesn't work
to showcase Nomi's voice.

So if you don't mind, Dawn--

But what about--you know,
like you said, just for fun.

[Dawn] Ah, fun! Yes!

Like a birthday should be!

Uh, okay, well, Mo,
let's just do something wacky.

Yeah!

Oh, so you wanna get wacky?

Yeah, why don't we all
just go fucking watch UHF?

Oh. And what is that?

It's a "Weird Al" Yankovic
movie.

It has some really wacky--

That's not the point.
The point is--

The point is, what's the harm
in just shaking things up?

Oh, yeah.
Let's shake 'em up.

Let's shake 'em up, okay?

Whatever you wanna do, baby.

Who are you talking to?

Oh, no, I-I was talking
to Bruce, baby.

-Can I have your number?
-Never.

Why'd you press the button?

All right, let's get wacky.

You-you don't think
we kind of strayed too far

from the source material,
do you?

Show me in the Bible
where it says the last supper

wasn't a moody, erotic,
fabulous brunch

with a smoking-hot Jesus.

Action!

I'll never betray you, JC.

May the Lord be with you.

Cut!
Cutting!

Hey, I just wanna check
real quick--

you know,
power dynamics and all--

that he's not,
like, preying on you,

making you feel uncomfortable--

No, I'm having fun.

Okay, sweetie,
it's way too sexual.

She's a prostitute
but not a whore.

Could you try to play her
with, like, a modicum of class?

Okay?

And that's gonna be hard,
I know.

Let's go again!
Actually, cut!

-It's just-it's not working.
-We're not even rolling.

Mary, I need
to make an adjustment.

Jesus, I have a thought.

How can it be

Can it be
I wake to a dream

There's something
in the voice of your eyes

It's something like
a dove as it flies

And all I seem to see

- Is you and I...
-Put-put the other drums in.

-Bassline.
-Oh, baseline.

-[Nomi] Stay and wonder
-[Dawn] Where my guitars at?

Day and night

What about bongos or something?

Bongos?
Add bongos!

[Nomi] Wonder how my love

[Dawn] More music, synth.

[Nomi] Came to me

That's it right there.

Yeah

[Dawn] The trumpet!

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-The trumpet.

That was good.
Yes, what?

Turn the horns up.

Spotted land

The stones that stand

Castles by the sea

Or how a child
must know...

Dawn, this sounds like fucking
Earth Wind & Fire.

Love Earth, Wind & Fire.
They make hits.

I can't hear you unless you
press the fucking button, Dawn.

Oh, I-I'm sorry Jimmy Jamless
and Terry Clueless.

This isn't--

I have ears.
I know good music.

All right.

Came to me

Love it.

Came to me, yeah

Now I'm up.
Now I don't need as much.

My wonderlove

Wonderlove

-All right. Knock it off.
-Yes.

[Mo] The synthesizers,
the drum machine,

-just knock it off, right?
-But you knew with the bongos.

It's all about
the bongos, really.

Yeah, 'cause it--
The-the what do you call it?

Hey, Dawn? Hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey. Guys.

Yeah, a writer.

-That was amazing.
What?

-That was so great.
You were amazing!

Oh, my God!
You were--

So good, so good.

But if we could have the room
for a second,

that would be great, you know?

Gonna air out
some differences

between old friends,
you know, creative differences,

all that shit--
real quick, real quick, babe.

-Great job, Nomi.
-Real quick, thanks.

I'm thinking--

-Get the fuck out, Bruce!
All right.

Wow.

What the fuck?

Oh.

I did you a favor
letting you fake work

here at this no-show job

thinking that your
competitive ass

wouldn't try to big clit me
as usual.

Guess the joke's on me, huh?

Well, would you look at that?
I showed, yo.

-Oh, yeah?
-And thank God.

I'm the only thing
holding you and Nomi together.

So maybe chill
with the favor shit,

'cause I think I've got
the lifetime edge

for going to goddamn prison

so that you wouldn't spend
a lifetime behind bars.

I'm glad you brought prison up,
'cause I've been thinking,

is that where you lost
your ambition, Dawn?

-What?
-Is that what happened?

Maybe you need to spend
some time retracing those steps

instead of coming in here
and fucking blowing my life

and all my coke while your life
needs the fucking Jaws of Life

because it's
a flaming fucking wreck.

Well, what have you been doing
since you got out, Dawn?

What have you been doing?
Who have you been doing?

Maybe that's
an easier question.

No one.

Well, we know
that's a goddamn lie, right?

'Cause you done one, son.

Oh, okay, fuck it.
You know what?

Two people.

-Two?
-Unless head counts.

You know what?
Fuck it.

Three people, and the only fuck
I'm ashamed of

since I got out of the joint
is you.

-Oh, that's nice. Yeah.
-Yeah.

Well, you know, maybe
this whole friends thing

isn't really working out.

Yeah, maybe 'cause all day,
all I've been doing

is trying to be your friend
and help you.

-Mm.
-This is bullshit.

Telling everyone
that you've changed.

You turned her birthday
into the fucking Mo show.

What?
This is all for her!

So booking
your musical heroes

and your favorite composer

to write and record your song
was for her?

Okay, you know what?
She's the fucking artist, dude!

I know that.

Isn't that what
this whole trip is, hmm?

To protect the music,
keep it pure.

But no, this is
another ego trip, right?

-It's a what?
-Yeah.

-A what?
-Yeah.

-What?
-I see you, Mo.

I fucking see you,
and you're mad but not at me.

You're mad at you,
'cause no matter

what you tell yourself,
today and every fucking day

is still all about you.

Do you have any idea
how much pressure

-you put on that poor girl?
-Oh, my God.

-Did you ever--
-She's trying to make it.

Who gives a shit?
It's pressure.

What do you mean
who gives a shit?

Did you ever hear
that pressure busts pipes?

Did you ever hear
that pressure makes diamonds?

Yeah, I learned that
on Black Monday

when you tried to pressure me

to marry you
with a fucking diamond.

I hate jazz!

See what you fucking did?

eerie music

Who are you?

Okay, so we're
losing our mind.

With good reason.

There's somebody out there,

waiting, watching,

probably sharpening something

or-or cutting the eyes
out of photos.

It's time to stop hiding
and start killing

or be killed, killer.

Get out of my head, you me!

So I guess I see now
how all of this was kind of

exactly the opposite
of what you wanted.

And it only took
a day and a half.

That's so helpful.
Thank you, Dawn.

So look, the guys
are gonna be here for a bit.

Do you wanna jump back in there
and do some pop stuff?

Mo, Mo, I love every part
of being with you

except working with you,

and if we're gonna give this
till death thing a shot,

we can't go down the same route
as you and Dawn,

or we'll kill each other.

No offense.

-The guy's a fucking maniac.
-She's completely unhinged.

Yeah, so I know that's not
exactly what you want.

No, no, no, no, it's not--
I just want you to be happy.

Okay?
I'm sorry about all this.

Well, remember you said that,

'cause I'm thinking
I want Dawn to--

-To go back to prison?
-No, to--

-Leave the country?
-No.

-To fuck off and die.
-No.

To manage my career...

...for the label,

if she'll have me.

Whoa, I-I don't know shit
about this shit.

-Well, there you go.
-But I'd be honored.

Yes, I mean, uh, Mo was right
about one thing.

You know, I need
to get off the mat

and start kicking dick again.

You know what?
I get it.

I do.
Actually, I-I-I get it.

I don't want us, you know,
to become us either,

and, you know,
with me out of the way,

I think you two could make
a pretty mean team.

So if that's what you want,
baby, happy birthday.

-Mm.

Well, fuck you too.

-Fuck you.
Mm.

Oh, okay, babe, babe.

Ooh, ooh, ooh,
sorry, babe, sorry, babe.

eerie music

Start killing or be killed.

Start killing or be killed.

dramatic music

I'm coming for
you motherfuckers!

Fuck!

Oh, God, whoa.
Shut your shit.

We're about to watch our
sympathy commercial, please.

Decent slot,
smack in the middle

-of Must See TV Thursday.
Mm-hmm.

Thursday.

I've been in there
for two days.

I've lost time!

Guys, shh, it's on.
It's on, shh.

Just as Jesus forgave,

we ask you to forgive.

I'll never betray you, JC.

Oh, see?
You couldn't even tell.

I didn't know
you were gonna be in it.

May the Lord be with you.

Wow.
Oh, Tiff too.

Sexy.

Forgiveness by Pfaffashions.

What'd you think?
-Corkie, did you love it?

What was your favorite part?

Yeah.

She's smiling.
She's speechless.

I feel like that's gonna
mean a lot to the family.

dramatic music

Okay, okay,

it's time
to stop being hunted

and become the hunter.

So where do we start?

I'm glad you asked.

We've got a few ideas.

We've got a few ideas

dramatic synth music