Original subtitles

- You must be out your rabbit ass mind,

sugar does not belong on grits.

- [audience laughing]

- Salt, pepper, butter, period! - [audience laughing]

- No, yo' old tongue just can't appreciate the sugary sweetness

with the mix of the savory grits.

- Man, they should have never

given you ninjas the Food channel.

- [audience laughing]

- Can y'all stop arguing,

like, we ain't even having grits [giggling].

- He started it! - Your mama and daddy started it

when they gave you those raggedy ass taste buds.

- You two will find anything to debate about,

anything, anything!

- BOTH: Oh, garbage truck!

- LEAH: Come on, baby, let's go, go, go, go, come on!

- He ain't gon' make it.

- I'm sick of this trash!

They didn't even pick it up last week!

- Wait! - Jeremy, run!

- I'm coming! - [laughing]

- Run, run, run!

- JEREMY: Come on, man, you see me.

- [audience laughing]

- Told you he wouldn't make it.

- I hope he make it, grandpa, that's not funny,

that stuff stank. - That's hilarious [laughing]

- [audience laughing]

- VINNY: [laughing] I told you he wouldn't make it.

- What happened?

- Man, that bastard sped up when he saw me coming.

- [audience laughing]

- Got me out here chasing him down the street

with some garbage bags. - LEAH: In your--

- Robe flapping in the wind.

Got me out here looking ridiculous.

- VINNY: [laughing] - Like you.

- [laughing]

- What kind of neighborhood they think this is?

Somebody left the door open. - [audience laughing]

- Uh, good morning.

- No, he looks ridiculous, you just look stupid [laughing].

- Anyway, how y'all doing?

- Having trouble with the trash collection.

- Oh, they keep forgetting to take Vinny?

- [audience laughing]

- [laughing] They dropped you off.

- [audience laughing]

- No, see, they keep coming at random times, if at all.

And when they do,

they try to speed through the neighborhood

before anybody can get their trash out.

- Oh, now, that's ridiculous.

- JEREMY: And you know what, it's not even just the trash,

you got lamps out here, potholes.

- Wait, you know what,

you oughta go down to the city council meeting tonight,

and complain.

That's what I would do.

- You know what, that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Oh, and Mr. Brown, maybe you can settle this for us.

- What is it?

- What goes in grits, sugar or salt?

- Oh, let me see, sugar or salt? - VINNY: Mm-hm.

- Neither, I use paprika. - [audience laughing]

- Oh, man!

- Yeah, and you cut a little onions up in there,

and sprinkle some little paprika, woo!

- ♪

- ♪ No matter what you do I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember love will never walk ♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

- ♪

- Gin [laughing]!

- Read 'em and weep, royal flush.

- I thought we were playing gin.

- I thought we were playing poker.

- I thought we were playing spades,

what's wrong with y'all? - [audience laughing]

- Bingo! Bam on y'all, B-A-N-G-O, bango!

- [audience laughing]

- Oh, man, damn it, y'all,

we can't even have a game together, man.

- MR. BROWN: Okay, did--did I win or not?

- No.

- [yawning] I'm retiring for the night.

- [audience laughing]

- I think I am, too, I got reading to do.

- [audience laughing]

- Yes, me, too, but mine's on the toilet.

- [audience laughing]

- Woo! Who won?

- Well, it all depend on what game you were playing.

- [audience laughing]

- Well, we playing it.

- Hey, Jeremy, how did the council meeting go?

- Terrible. - Why?

- I went down there with a list;

all the things we need done in the community,

and one of the councilmen just sat there

staring at me the whole time. - CORA: Really?

- I bet ya that was Councilman Sams.

Yeah, he ain't changed the battery in his hearing aid

since his wife came back to him. - [audience laughing]

- He ain't listening to her. - [laughing]

- Well, there was another one

that just sat there slumped over sleep the whole time.

- Oh, that's Councilwoman Staples.

You know, she tell everybody it's Narcolepsy,

but she's really playing that Candy video game.

- Wow! - CORA: Mm-hm.

- And these are the people

that we got running our community?

- ALL: Yep! - You know, it was alot better

when, uh, Councilman Kirkland was there.

He at least got new buses, school buses for the kids.

- So, what happened to him? - Well, he had to retire,

turns out he was buying stolen buses

'cuz he used the extra money to get an ab implant.

- [audience laughing]

- Yeah, it's jacked up. He weighed 300 pounds.

- Mr. Brown. - Surgery took 14 hours.

- [audience laughing]

- Cora, his six pack looked like a trash bag

with a whole bunch of boulder rocks in it.

It just look lumpy, it was just lumpy there.

- [audience laughing]

- You know, he just went away,

and it's been years,

and they still haven't filled his seat.

But it's an upcoming election,

and it's still no one running for it.

- Well, 300 pounds,

I'm surprised there's a seat left to be filled.

- [audience laughing]

- Cora, come on,

we need to get down to the Bingo hall

while my hands still hot. - Okay, Mr. Brown, I just--

- B-35! - I just made my coffee.

- MR. BROWN: Come on, Cora.

- I gotta get my purse, 'cuse me, baby.

- MR. BROWN: I-62, come on!

- Y'all have a good day now, we'll see y'all later.

- VINNY: Bye, y'all. - MR. BROWN: B-35!

- Will you just wait a minute? - [audience laughing]

- [moaning]

- Okay, old people making out, ew.

- [audience laughing]

- Girl, how you think you got here?

- Why would you say that?

- [audience laughing]

- Okay, anyways, can one of you guys sign this,

I'm running for student council, and I need your permission.

- Oh, yeah, baby,

that's--that's really-that's really great, you know that?

- Yeah, there are a lot of cute boys there.

- [audience laughing] - I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

- Girl, you gon' give your daddy a heart attack,

don't do him like that. - [audience laughing]

- You about to be homeschooled. - [audience laughing]

- Look, I just figured it was time

to start doing some extracurricular activities.

You know, colleges look for that type of stuff

for admission and scholarships. - LEAH: Mm-hm, they sure do.

- Yeah, well I can appreciate your initiative,

especially since we blew your college fund

on trying to invest in this place.

- [audience laughing] - Really?

- [laughing] Nah, I'm just playing,

you ain't got no college fund. - VINNY: [laughing]

- Baby girl, I know you gon' win this thing.

- I hope so. - Yes.

- I'm running against Brianna Spicer,

and she's pretty popular. - Er!

- But I have a lot of good ideas

on how to improve things around the school.

- Go on! Okay.

- There you go. - Thanks, dad.

- Look at that, like mother like daughter.

- [audience laughing]

- You know, I was the secretary of my student council

[laughing]. - Secretary?

- Don't laugh, boy. I'm proud of my baby girl, yeah.

- You know, I'm actually-- I'm actually inspired by her.

- Hm.

- I think I'm gon' run for that city council empty seat.

- Oh! - You know, yeah, yeah, yeah,

make some changes around here. - Come on!

- Uh-huh, unclog the system. - Yeah!

- [laughing] That's good.

You can start by unclogging the toilet.

- [audience laughing]

- ♪

- Oh, your application has been submitted,

and you're officially on the ballot.

- Um, I wanna thank you again

for agreeing to be my campaign manager.

Because the election is a week away,

and there's no way I could have done this without you.

- You're so welcome!

You know what, this gives me a chance to use my, uh, skills

from the hospitality committee at the church.

- The hospitality committee?

- Yes, convincing church folks on what to get Pastor

for Pastor Anniversary,

woo, that's a campaign in itself.

- [audience laughing]

- Yes indeed, but-- - Got it.

- CORA: But, you know what, it's like, um,

no matter whatever the suggestion,

you just say, "I'm looking into it,"

and keep on walking. - Oh okay, got it.

- That's how you do it. - I'm gonna get out,

and figure out what the people need,

that's what I'm gon' do.

And I'm--I'm gon' start building my platform from there.

- I think you should start right here with the elderly.

The elderly vote is important.

- That's easy, old people love me.

- [audience laughing]

- Hey dumbass, we need more nachos.

- [audience laughing]

- [laughing] I can hear the love.

- Hey, pop, I was thinking, um,

what can we do around here to make things a little better?

- Did I stutter? We need more nachos.

- [audience laughing]

- No, I mean, like, in the big scheme of things.

I'm running for city council,

and I wanna know what I can do to get your vote.

- Okay, um, first of all, we need more nachos

'cuz I-- - [audience laughing]

- I do have the munchies,

and could you legalize marijuana?

- You know I don't have the power to do that.

- Then why would I give you my vote

if you can't give me what I want?

Damn! - [audience laughing]

- Alright, just make a list, okay?

I'll see what I can do. Legalize weed.

- Oh, Ms. Anastasia, hey.

Um, so, I'm running for city council,

and I been canvassing the place

trying to figure out what the people need.

- This community could use some more art.

- JEREMY: Okay.

So you mean like a youth symphony,

or a gallery for local artist?

- I was thinking the Anastasia Deveraux Film Festival.

- [laughing] Okay, I don't know if--

I don't know if a screening of, uh,

Brown Sugar's Big ass Get Back. - [audience laughing]

- [laughing]

- Okay, I'll look into it. - [audience laughing]

- ♪

- Something needs to be done

about these kids walking around here blasting music

on these boom boxes.

- And somebody has to bring back, "Sanford and Son."

And I don't mean all those ridiculous reboots

they're doing, I want the original cast.

- And I want you to build a wall to keep all cats out.

- Okay.

- MR. BROWN: And we gon' make them pay for it.

- Alright. - Make 'em pay for it.

- Alright, Mr. Brown. - Okay?

- I gotcha.

- Yeah, 'cuz they--they don't-- they don't do right.

- Mm-hm. - They judge ya.

- [audience laughing] - Make 'em pay for it.

- [audience laughing]

- [chuckling] How's the stumping going, baby?

- This stumping is sucking. - Oh goodness.

- You got Anastasia

that want me to do a movie tribute night.

You got Reginald who thinks that it's 1989,

and all the kids around here are Radio Raheem.

- [laughing] - [audience laughing]

- You got Efe, who wants me to resurrect Red Foxx.

- What? - Yeah, and Mr. Brown,

get this, he wants me to kill all cats.

- [audience laughing]

- You know what, I knew he was a serial killer.

- [laughing] You know,

he gave us that $40,000 and everything,

but I always knew

it was a little something strange about him.

- [audience laughing]

- VINNY: Alright, dumbass, I got my list, here we go.

- [audience laughing] - Alright, number one,

first of all, I want you to legalize marijuana,

like our previous conversation we had over there.

- [audience laughing] - Alright, number two,

I want you to make Al Green a national treasure

by making his birthday a national holiday.

Number three-- - Look, look, man, look, Vinny.

Look, I don't have time for this, okay?

I got serious issues to handle.

- Hey, man, Al Green is a national treasure.

He don't like grits, but he a cool dude.

- [audience laughing]

- [laughing]

- Hey, I did not know how many pit bull owners there were.

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah, I'm sorry for jumping up on your back like that,

but my fight or flight instincts kicked in.

- You mean your flight or scream instincts kicked in [laughing].

- Hey, don't tell nobody that. - [laughing] I won't tell nobody,

I won't, I promise.

[laughing] That's funny, though.

- [dinging]

- Oh my, oh my.

Oh Lord, um...

- What, what's wrong?

- They just said another candidate just entered the race.

- Who? - I don't know.

- [clearing throat]

- What is it?

- VINNY: Alright, I would like to officially announce

my candidacy for city council. That's right,

time to make the elderly great again around here.

That's right. - Yeah!

- VINNY: Uh-huh. - [applauding]

- VINNY: Yeah. - MR. BROWN: Make us great.

- That's right, I'm gon' listen to my constituents.

Yes, yes, pay attention to what they want,

you know what I mean?

Yeah, free diapers for everybody.

- MR. BROWN: Oh, yes! - VINNY: Yeah.

- Free teeth! - I can't believe this!

- MR. BROWN: Yes, no more pissy beds.

- I really hate him.

- Yes, make us great! - Make us great again.

Everybody get a bed pan with they name on it.

Woo-hoo!

- ♪

- What are you doing?

- I'm making a difference, that's what I'm doing.

Would you like a hat? - I'm undecided.

- Hat?

- I don't know who I'm voting for.

- Would you like a hat? - You getting rid of them cats?

- You know I will [laughing]. - I'm in then.

- Meow, meow! - Okay, you are making a mockery

of the political system, okay? MEGA hats?

- Yes, yes, make the elderly great again.

- [applauding] - Yes, yes!

- VINNY: We're--we're gonna do it.

- You got to be kidding me.

Come on, and you--you supporting this?

Come on, Mr. Reginald,

you are an educated and intelligent man,

please don't fall for these empty promises.

- He said he was gonna restore law and order,

and get rid of them hooligans who are playing that loud music

into their boom boxes through their headphones.

- Get rid of 'em, I'ma do that.

- That just sounds ridiculous, okay?

And Mr. Brown? - Huh?

- [audience laughing]

- You know what, nothing--

I know--I can see you supporting him, never mind.

- Uh, I'd like to announce, not only am I supporting him,

but I am now his campaign manager.

I'm campaigning. - [chuckling]

- CORA: What? - He's campaigning, baby.

- JEREMY: That's a loss.

- Mr. Brown, you don't know anything

about managing anything. - Oh!

- I have you to know, Cora,

I managed a table at the church bake sale.

- VINNY: Mm-hm.

- CORA: Yeah, and you managed to eat up half of the inventory.

- [audience laughing]

- What, I was taste testing for quality control!

- [audience laughing]

- Vinny is a despicable, self serving--

- Bigoted, xenophobic-- - Slimy womanizer.

- JEREMY: Mm-hm.

- [laughing] Haters gotta hate, don't they? In your face.

- MR. BROWN: I'd have y'all know,

y'all are not about to attack my candidate.

- Mr. Brown, and you're suppose to be a Christian,

and you gon' go with this man?

- Okay, Cora, first of all, why you judging?

- VINNY: Yes. - CORA: Second of all,

I ain't judging.

- MR. BROWN: Oh, and you, Anaquasha--

- [gasping] - Her name is Anastasia!

- Whatever it is.

- Brown, that was so rude of you.

- Well, Cora, I'm rude then. Make us great.

- You--you guys are getting out of pocket now, okay?

- Oh, what's wrong there Bran Flake,

a little too sensitive and brittle to take a joke?

- [laughing]

- Ain't nothing funny about this.

I'm running to make a real difference.

- That's right, that's right. - [applauding and cheering]

- Unlike you, I'm trying to get the people what they want.

- No, you running on empty promises,

and I'm giving the people what they need and what's realistic.

- Yeah. - That's right, Preacher.

- [applauding]

- You're working on that, "Sanford and Son," thing, right?

- Yeah, yeah, man, I'm-- - We're looking into it, man--

- We're trying, man. - I gotcha, I gotcha.

- I think he's afraid of a little competition.

Afraid that Vinny might kick his hind parts at the poll.

- JEREMY: Uh, I'm not afraid of anything.

- [coughing] But pit bulls.

- Hey, hey, what happened to our little circle of trust?

- Oh [mumbling]!

- VINNY: Okay, okay, if that's the case,

I'd like to challenge you to a debate, Mano et Mano!

- Uh-uh, don't challenge him to no Mano et Mano.

- VINNY: Don't do that? Okay.

- No, y'all challenge man to man.

- Man to man, man to man.

- It's the same thing, idiot!

- CORA: Yeah. - Mano et Mano means man to man.

- VINNY: Yeah. - UNISON: We knew that.

- JEREMY: Yeah, yeah, and guess what,

challenge accepted. - CORA: Yeah!

- [cheering and applauding]

- Fine. - Yeah, yes, that's it.

- Fine! - Fine!

- Well, fine then! - Well, fine then!

- Well, we're fine then. - Hold, hold, hold on now!

Save a little something for the debate.

- MR. BROWN: [chanting] Lock him up, lock him up!

- BOTH: [chanting] Lock him up, lock him up!

- ♪

- Hey, baby.

What's wrong?

[sighs] Is that a picture of you,

edited on the body of a bird?

- Yep, read the caption.

- A vote for Sandra is a vote for a bird.

Don't vote for a bird, vote for Brianna.

I don't get it, birds are cute. She tryna say you cute?

- No, mom, she's not. She's calling me dumb and ditzy.

- Well, why would she do that? - Because she's evil,

and she's fighting dirty with memes.

- LEAH: [sighs]

- You know, I should go make one about her.

What's a dirty word that rhymes with Brianna?

- No, no, no, no,

we are not stooping to her level.

- [scoffs] But, mom, everyone's seen this.

We're suppose to deliver our campaign speeches

in front of the entire school tomorrow.

- That's perfect,

they get to see exactly who you are, the real you.

- All they'll be seeing is that meme. I mean,

I might has well be up there clucking, chirping, and mooing,

or whatever.

- If they can't see that you are a smart,

compassionate young lady

with great ideas, then that's on them.

Plus, what did Michelle Obama say,

"When they go low, you go high." - I guess.

- See, we ain't gon' be doing no guessing game either.

Let me hear you say it. - When they go low, I go high.

- Mm, when they go what, you go what?

- When they go low, I go high.

- LEAH: When they go what, you go what?

- When they go low, I go high! - That's right, baby.

You feel a little better? - Yeah.

- LEAH: Mm, okay, good.

You do know that birds don't moo, right?

- Of course, mom, I was just naming stuff.

- LEAH: Okay, I just had to make sure

I didn't fail as a parent.

And you know your animal sounds [laughing].

- ♪

- Thank you for joining us this evening.

We are going to have a civil debate.

It's gonna be respectful,

and we are not going to talk over each other.

- You look beautiful, baby. - Thank you, baby.

- JEREMY: Isn't she cute? - Objection in the court.

- Thank you. - LEAH: Okay.

Eh, let's refocus, right, alright?

The first question for the evening is

why should we vote for you?

- [cross talking]

- Well, you an old man.

- Hello, gentlemen! - Y'all don't even have hats.

- Flag! - You don't have a hat.

- LEAH: I need a mute button. - Why he ain't got no hats?

- Okay, listen, the floor is for you, Vincent.

- You damn right it's mine. - What?

- Okay, Christian, I'm a Christian.

You know, well, you know, I just want everybody to know

that a vote for me means you will not get evicted.

- MR. BROWN: Whoa!

[applauding]

- JEREMY: Now, I would like to say

that my opponent is a bully and a criminal.

- He is, he is.

- He cares so little about the law,

that he was growing weed in the backyard.

- Yes, he was, I'm a witness! - VINNY: Allegedly.

- Allegedly. - Allegedly.

- [audience laughing] - Uh.

- Okay, listen, there's good and bad people on both sides,

there really is. - On this side, we're good.

- JEREMY: Alright. - [audience laughing]

- Now, I would like to remind everybody

that when I got here at Pleasant Days,

my opponent, he had this place looking like a mess.

- He sure did. - Woo!

- You right. - It was in shambles.

- Yes, it was! - Yeah, and guess what I did,

I came through, and I cleaned it up.

- Yeah, we did, oh, yes, we did! - [applauding]

- Just like I'm gonna clean up the community.

- [cheering and applauding]

- Yes, you gon' clean it up! - Yeah.

- That's my husband, you better tell the people.

- CORA: Yeah! - I'd like a sidebar.

- CORA: Ain't no sidebar. - Order in the court!

- VINNY: Order in the court!

- We said we were gonna be civil and respectful, right?

- Alright, alright, enough of this, okay?

This is just one, big attention grab.

- CORA: That's right.

- Your own family member tryna run against you,

this is ridiculous.

- Well, you know, maybe if you act like I matter,

I wouldn't have to do this

to get some attention around here, man.

- Okay, alright, so I'm gonna call this debate.

Um, because clearly you two need to talk.

- I don't wanna talk to him.

- I need everybody to clear the room.

- Well, what we-we--we just tryna get--

- I need everybody to clear the room!

- CORA: Well, we -- - Thank you very much.

- MR. BROWN: You got hood quick. - Yeah.

- MR. BROWN: You can't even run for office

if you been to prisoner. - That's right.

- [audience laughing]

- So, that's what this is about?

You don't think you matter?

I always listen to you, when you're being serious.

- I know sometime you think I'm a crazy old man,

and I don't have value, but, you know...

- I do believe you have value,

and I actually think you are a smart man, you know.

You got a little bit of wisdom underneath all that gruffness.

- [audience laughing]

- Your mama has gruffness. Okay, that one, that--that--

- See? - That just came out.

- See, that--that's what I mean.

- Force of habit, force of habit.

- You just can't be serious, man.

- Alright, okay. - I can admit,

maybe I put alot of time into trying to figure out

what the community needed,

instead of just seeing what you needed.

Taking care of what I had right here at home.

- Okay. - And I'm--I'm sorry for that.

- Okay, I--I--I accept your apology,

but, uh, you bet not try to hug me.

- [audience laughing]

- Man, please. - [laughing]

- ♪

- I told you not to hug me [laughing].

- I love you, man. - I love you, too.

- You're home from school late.

- I had to stay for my first student council meeting!

- Ah! Oh my god, you won!

- Alright, alright, it's just student council.

- Whatever! - Nah, I'm just kidding.

Yeah, give my hug [growls]. Good work.

- Yes. - Mom, your advice worked.

When they go low, you go high.

I got up in front of the whole school,

and I said, [clears throat],

"My opponent posted a picture of me looking like a bird,

aren't you tired of internet shaming and cyber bullying?

Is this who we want to serve on our student council?

Vote for Sandra, we take the high road."

- Yes!

Oh my goodness, I'm so proud of you.

Yes, baby [laughing].

- You got that line from Michelle.

- Y'all stop being nasty on the couch, turn on the TV,

they about to give the results. - Okay, okay, okay.

- May the best man win. - Yeah, may the best man win.

- FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR: It was a tight race

between local businessman

and family members, Vinny Washington,

and his grandson, Jeremy Washington.

But in a surprising twist,

a last minute write-in was added to the ballet,

and Councilman Kirkland has re-emerged,

and reclaimed his seat.

- [scoffs] - I be damn!

I knew I should've spent money on those ab implants

instead of them stupid ass hats.

- [audience laughing]

- [laughing]

- ♪

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