Original subtitles

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(DOG BARKS)

(INAUDIBLE)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Hmm, two today.

What's up, Red?

Having company this morning?

Company? Hey, hold it, will you, Creamy?

I got something to show you.

Okay.

It's a big day, Creamy.

Having breakfast with my girl in the park.

She doesn't know about it.

I got a surprise for her. Get a load of this.

What did I do with it? I paid 18 bucks for that thing.

I hope I haven't been robbed.

There. You was robbed.

Look, ain't it supposed to have a diamond in it?

Supposed to have?

It's got a diamond in it, I think.

Yeah, there. See?

You got to get it in the right kind of light.

Where?

Well, move in where you can see it.

I hope her eyes are better than mine.

They are. Prettier, too!

If she accepts that,

she ain't marrying you for your money.

Oh, Red, this is wonderful.

But I have to go to work early today. Oh?

You shouldn't have gone to all this trouble.

Oh, it's no trouble. I wanted to show you

what a handy guy I could be in the kitchen.

I like your kitchen.

Lots of nice sunshine coming in the windows.

Yeah, it's good when it rains, too.

You can have your coffee and morning shower at the same time.

Can I warm up your coffee for you?

I don't think I'll have time, Red.

Mr. Wallick's driving me to work.

That guy!

Now he's making passes at you on my time.

Gee, the way he drools when he looks at you.

Even his eyelids pant.

Oh, Red, he isn't that bad.

And besides, he's a very successful Fuller Brush Man.

Successful? (LAUGHS)

He couldn't sell pimples to a goose!

(EXCLAIMS)

Hey, I'm going to have to put something on your finger

to make you remember to forget that guy.

Ann, I want to tell you about a friend of mine.

He's a jeweler.

Well, he hasn't been doing very well lately,

so, well, I thought I'd kind of help him out a little.

Oh, Ann, I didn't mean to make you cry.

It's just a little diamond, but...

You shouldn't have done it, Red.

Shouldn't have done it? Why not?

I shall have it paid for in eight years.

By that time our oldest child will be selling papers

and what he earns with what I earn,

why, we'll have it paid for in no time.

Oh, don't joke, Red.

I'm not joking, Ann. You know how I feel about you.

Gosh, I fell in love with you the first time I ever saw you.

Remember? It was in church on Easter Sunday.

You sang the solo.

Gosh, you were wonderful.

Then I joined the choir.

I didn't mind being with those sopranos as long as I could be near you.

Oh, please, Red. I understand how you feel.

That's what makes it so difficult.

I can't accept it, Red.

You see,

you just aren't ready to accept the responsibility

of having a wife and a family.

Oh, I know you try, Red, but you go from job to job.

You just don't take your future seriously enough.

Well, I've had this job for three weeks.

Yes, but how long will it last, Red?

Look at all the other jobs.

The time you drove a bus. That only lasted three days.

Well, that wasn't exactly my fault. I...

I was trying to get the passengers to the rear of the bus

and just forgot to watch where the front was going.

OFFICER: Hey you, Don Juan.

Is this your cart? Yes, sir.

What do you want to do, burn up the park?

Oh, that's all right, Officer.

I know all about fire prevention.

I worked for the Fire Department for three weeks.

Well, if you don't keep your eye on that thing,

you'll learn something about crime prevention.

Oh?

And that's another thing.

Three weeks with the Fire Department.

Well, so what if I was late to a fire.

I saved the house.

Yes, but by that time,

the house had already burned to the ground.

Yeah, but I saved it.

I've got the ashes home in a little box.

Oh, stop clowning.

Don't you see what I mean, Red?

Something always happens with your jobs.

You never keep them.

You've got to settle down. You've got to get somewhere

and be someone before you can think of marriage.

You mean be someone like Wallick?

Well, yes, Red. He's successful.

He's getting somewhere.

(CAR HORN HONKING)

Let's go, Ann. We're late!

I'm sorry, Red. I've got to leave now.

But, Ann, listen, I... (HONKING CONTINUES)

Listen, Ann... (HORN HONKING)

Listen... (HORN HONKING)

Beep-beep yourself!

I'll see you later, Red. We'll talk about everything.

Hiya, Red.

I see you're still wearing the white ducks.

Well, quack-quack! (LAUGHS)

Put all your paper plates in there.

$18!

Well, I've got 24 months to pay and then I'll have it refinanced.

We believe in aiding our public servants in keeping the city clean.

Oh, that's very nice of you, very nice.

Oh, no! Here, don't. No, don't put that in there. Here!

Girls, help! Help!

Beaver Patrol to the rescue! Beaver Patrol to the rescue!

Beaver Patrol to the rescue! Beaver Patrol to the rescue!

Come on!

Girls, form a bucket brigade. Charge!

The bucket brigade! The bucket brigade!

Come on.

The bucket brigade!

TEACHER: Keep it going, Beavers.

Keep a nice straight line. No excitement!

Be sure you have your glass full.

Form the bucket brigade, girls.

Keep it going. Keep it going.

The fire's over there!

Hey, you!

(CRASHING)

You all right, Commissioner Trist?

Look at my car!

Look what that idiot did to my car. Get him off of here.

You numbskull!

I personally am going to see that a menace like you

is removed from the public highways.

Commissioner Trist! Exactly.

Commissioner, I've always wanted to meet you.

After all, working in the same department, it's a shame we're strangers.

My name's Jones.

Got that? Yes, sir. Jones.

Capital J-O-N-E-S.

Of course, this isn't a formal way of meeting, but...

Take a memo. I want this man fired.

I want him thrown out of the department.

Out. Far out!

Now, let's not get hasty, Commissioner.

After all, good men like me are hard to replace.

Why, it may take you, oh, hours.

Now, I know you want your streets kept neat and tidy...

Yes! That's why I'm firing you.

Here you are, Carefree.

You know, I don't blame my girl for turning me down.

Everything happens to me, even when I try be careful.

(GLASS SHATTERING)

(MOUTHING)

Goodbye.

Gentlemen, Mr. Seward is ready to see you now.

Well, Red, what are you doing here?

What happened?

Well, Ann, I got to thinking about what you said.

About making something of myself.

Well, I decided to talk to the Commissioner and...

I smashed up his car and broke his windshield.

And got fired? Yeah.

I'd have been up for a pension in 20 years.

But it wasn't my fault.

It never is.

But somehow, some way, you always get into trouble.

Always going somewhere and never getting there.

Every time you get a clear stretch,

you take your eyes off the road.

Why, a girl would be a fool to go along with you.

Yeah, I wish you felt foolish, Ann.

But it's no use. I...

I just came up to say goodbye.

Goodbye, Ann.

Oh, Ann, there's something I borrowed from you

that I'd kind of like to keep.

What?

That hot water bottle.

Looks like it's going to be an awful cold winter.

Red!

Yeah? Did you call me, Ann?

Well, I... I've been thinking about you, Red.

Oh, that's wonderful.

To think you've been thinking about me.

What have you been thinking about?

Well, that maybe you deserve one more chance.

Just one more! Oh, I'll take it.

Perhaps you've had the wrong kind of jobs.

Maybe if you went into business for yourself, as your own boss,

became a Fuller Brush Man.

Me? A Fuller Brush Man?

Hiya, puddle-pusher. Hello, Ann.

Well, in case Red forgot to mention it,

it's all on page five, right there.

I guess you really told the Commissioner off, huh, Red?

Oh, I gave him a piece of my mind.

Well, that should set him back a couple of years.

We've just been through all that, Mr. Wallick.

Yeah, it was a very lucky accident.

I'm going to become a Fuller Brush Man.

Well, you're insulting a very fine product.

But, Mr. Wallick, you could help Red.

You could recommend him to our district manager.

Oh, now, wait a second.

If this lunkhead could become

a successful Fuller Brush salesman,

I'd better get a job mowing lawns.

Look, Mr. Wallick, I'll try very hard and if I'm successful, I'll...

Well, I'll help you mow the lawn.

Ann, believe me, every time I knock on the door, I'll ring the bell.

You're lucky if every time you knock on the door,

the door doesn't knock back.

Oh, please, Mr. Wallick, I know Red will make you proud of him.

Especially when the top Fuller Brush dealer shows him what to do.

Ann! Yes, Mr. Seward?

Please?

Well, okay, but it's like watering a weed with champagne.

Now, this is the sample kit.

Oh?

What are you selling? Knockout drops?

Oh, look at the brushes, snug as little bugs in a rug.

We do not like to think of our brushes as bugs.

I like to think of my fingers, though.

Now, point number one. In order to sell brushes,

you must get into the customer's house, true?

True.

You do that by making a favorable impression

and having a pleasing personality.

And believe me, brother, you're in trouble from the start.

End of point one. Ooh!

Oh, on point two, do I get my hand back?

I won't be around to see.

Hey, wait a minute.

Explain that toothbrush to me, will you?

That is no toothbrush.

Aw, it's a wonderful toothbrush.

Cleans your ears and teeth at the same time.

That brush is for cleaning Venetian blinds.

My Aunt Maude had one like that.

It used to keep her choppers nice and choppy.

Hey, that's not very good. Leaves hair in your teeth.

You'd better go back to manicuring the street.

Oh, you don't think I could sell brushes, huh?

I know you couldn't.

Let me borrow your kit. What are you going to do?

I'll show you real salesmanship.

Now, this is the door to the customer's house.

I'm the brush man.

(TAPPING)

It was me.

She's coming to the door. Coming to the door.

"Who is it?"

"Your Fuller Brush Man, madam."

"Oh, just a moment.

"Oh, good heavens, he would come today and I'm a mess."

(HUMMING)

"Don't go away!"

(GRUNTS)

What are you doing?

Well, a girl has to think of her appearance. And stop peeking in my window!

"Hello." Now, I'm in the house.

Yeah. You be the lady, now.

Good morning, madam. We'd like to show you

some of our very fine brushes. I'm not interested.

Oh, you're interested in a brush, aren't you?

Nope.

How about a nice mop? Mmm-mmm.

A wonderful floor mop? Don't want any.

Ceiling, walls and windows.

It doubles as a toupee, with a built-in shampoo.

Can't use it.

Could I interest you in a nice hairbrush?

No.

Specially constructed for people with short arms.

Sorry.

Madam, you need a hairbrush. Why?

When people look at you, do they say,

"That reminds me. I've got to wash my dog"?

What? Don't you ever change your oil?

Why, if I thought for one second that you would do...

(CLEARS THROAT)

Mr. Seward, this is Mr. Jones.

I'm glad to know you, Mr. Seward.

Well, if you're as good a salesman as Miss Elliot says,

I'd like to talk to you as soon as a new territory opens up.

Oh?

And if you do half as well as Wallick here,

you'll have nothing to worry about.

Well, thank you. Oh, Mr. Seward!

(DOOR CLOSES)

Oh, I don't know what you said to the old man,

but how do you expect Red to live up to it?

And what's more important, how can we live it down?

But, Mr. Wallick, I...

I only told him Red was a terrific salesman.

And he believed it? Yes.

Oh, well, I don't. Well, I do.

That's two to one.

Now, look, this is a very simple matter to settle.

We can all go out right now on our lunch hour

and pick out a few houses for Red to try and see what happens.

Yeah.

Yeah, I could pick out a few houses, couldn't I?

Here, let me pick 'em out.

Oh, no, no, Red. I know the good ones.

Oh?

Now, there's just one more thing, Red, before we go.

This is your last chance.

If you can't make good with Mr. Wallick's help,

then I give up. I'll make good.

Now, here's a street I intended to visit today.

Red can make my calls.

Jasmine Street, a real sweet street.

Okay, take your pick.

Now, remember all the things we told you, Red.

I know you're going to do just fine.

Want to bet,

say about a million dollars?

I'll bet more than that.

All right. A kiss?

It's a deal.

Oh, wait a minute.

Remember, sell your personality.

You won't get much for it, but keep trying.

Mmm-hmm.

I'll start over there.

How about a movie tonight, Ann?

Might put you in the mood to pay off the bet.

Okay.

But we're not at the movie yet.

Would you be interested in a hairbrush?

Would you be interested in a hairbrush?

Would you be interested in a hairbrush?

Would you...

Good day. Good day.

He couldn't even get in the house. You lose.

Well, he'll sell the next one.

Double or nothing?

It's a bet.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

First thing is to get the foot inside the door.

Well, who does you have a subpoenee for?

I don't have a subpoenee.

What is you collecting for?

Not a thing.

Then you has the wrong house, bub!

Here. (KNOCKS ON DOOR)

Here.

Ooh!

Little boy, let me have my case.

Give it to me. Give it...

Not that way, though.

Oh!

Would you like to buy a brush?

A very nice hairbrush, soft bristles on both sides?

No, I don't want to...

Yeah, I'll buy your brushes. You know, I like you.

I like you, too.

Hmm.

Look, let me come in and pick up my brushes, will you?

I know you're a nice boy.

Boy, have you got a surprise coming, kiddo.

Ooh! Ooh!

Here, my foot. My foot.

(LAUGHING) Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.

Quit it.

Stop! I'm going to skin you alive.

If you come any closer, I'll drop it.

Oh, no. That's my good shoe.

Look, I'll sit right over here. I won't come any closer.

Boy, if there's anything I hate, it's a quitter.

Oh, no! Now what did you do that for?

Grandma! Grandma! He's murdering the little fishies.

Oh, brother! I wish you were my size

so I could cut you down to your size.

Junior, what's going on in...

Who are you?

He was murdering the little fishies, Grandma.

He was pushing their little heads under the water.

I was not, Grandma. I mean, madam.

I'm your Fuller Brush Man.

I'm sure you could use a hairbrush that's flat on one side.

Well, as a matter of fact, it happens I do need one.

You certainly do.

Let me show you some of our newest brushes. Here.

Oh, yes, let me. Oh, my, that's a good one.

Has a lovely sting to it.

Junior, that calls for a spanking.

You better not spank me, Grandma, or I will tell.

You'll tell what?

That you was a shimmy dancer in the side show.

Ooh! I was no such thing.

Oh, no?

(VOCALIZING SNAKE CHARMER TUNE)

Junior! See?

Grandma, compliments of the company.

I'm sorry we don't have one with a nail in it.

(LAUGHING)

Good day.

Grandma, Grandma. He broke my little skate.

Grandma, Grandma. He broke my little skate.

I should have started with this house in the first place.

I'll break your winning streak if it's the last thing I do.

Let's make this a big bet, Ann. Three kisses this time.

It's a bet.

Hey, don't you know that betting is illegal?

(LAUGHS) You can't insult me, pal.

I'll just turn the other cheek.

I do hope he finds this house easier.

Oh, he shouldn't have any trouble at all with Miss Sharmley.

Main point, pleasing personality.

Get into the house.

(RINGING)

(RINGING)

(RINGING)

(RINGING)

Hello? Grant? I'm glad you called.

What does that pea-brain in casting mean,

I'm not alluring enough for the part?

(MOUTHING)

(RINGS DOORBELL)

Maybe my name isn't Tondeleyo, but I've brushed off more men

than the porter at the Waldorf.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Just a minute! Now, listen...

(DOORBELL CONTINUES RINGING)

(SNARLING) Just a minute!

You tell him I want that part.

Not alluring enough!

Well, just give me a man.

(SNARLS) Any man.

I'll get in.

I'm your Muller Frush Pan.

I mean, your Fuller Mush Man.

(DEEP VOICE) Want to buy a brush?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Well, at least he got into that house.

Yeah, I can't understand...

I mean, I can't understand why it was so difficult.

Oh.

I was passing by and I thought I'd drop in.

I'm glad you did.

You have such nice hair.

So wavy.

If you keep that up, you're going to straighten it out.

What I came by to see you about is,

well, I'm your new Fuller Brush Man,

Miss, uh... Miss, uh...

You can call me Baby.

Well, I'd like to show you some of our finest baby brushes.

I mean, I'd like to show you some of our brushes, Baby.

(CHUCKLES)

Now, here's a very fine brush.

Now, to sell the brush, the first point is to get into the house.

The second...

Oh, you wouldn't be interested.

Here a... Oh, I'm sorry. That... It's just the hose.

This is our friction shower and bath brush.

It's a very handy little thing.

You connect this onto the nozzle like that, see?

And, uh, then you turn on the faucet.

Then the water comes down.

Then the... (COUGHS)

How interesting! I might take one of those.

Really? Well, that'll be $4.75 and...

If you will demonstrate it for me.

Demonstrate it? Well, this is a bath brush.

Maybe I should come back Saturday night?

When I ask men to do something,

they usually eat out of my hand.

Well, I've had my lunch.

Men find me very alluring. They can't get me out of their blood.

This is no time for a transfusion.

Kiss me. You're no different than the others.

All men follow me like sheep.

Well, not me.

(BLEATING)

There must be some way to get back into Fuller Brushes again.

I can't understand what's taking him so long.

Why don't we take a peek and see what's cooking?

Yes, let's do. I'm curious.

RED: Have you made up your mind about this brush yet, Miss Sharmley?

Not yet.

Keep demonstrating it, Mr. Jones.

I guess this is the only way to do it

and still keep the crease in my trousers.

You know I've gotten much further with you

than I have with any of my customers, Miss Sharmley.

How much further do I have to go?

Oh, hi, Ann. How am I doing?

Great. You'll make a fine Fuller Brush Man.

At least you remembered to wear a smile.

Say, I hope she isn't your wife.

Oh, she isn't.

And she won't be at this rate.

Wait a second, Ann. I'll drive you back to the office.

Don't bother. I'll take a bus.

How about it, Ann? Now do you think he'll make good?

Not with me, he won't.

Ann!

Where's she going?

What, do you have to see it in black printing?

You and Ann are through. Get it?

Why, I'd like to get it from Ann, if you don't mind.

All right. Now, look,

if you're going to be the die-hard type,

we'll settle this in a sporting manner.

Now, you're a betting man, aren't you?

Yeah, but I'm not going to kiss you.

All right, I'll tell you what.

Pick out a couple of houses.

If you can make a sale in one, just one, you win.

If you don't, I win.

Okay. Win what?

Ann.

Ann? That's right.

If you lose, you get out of her hair.

If I lose, I'll do likewise.

Oh, that's awful beautiful hair to get out of.

Well, then, is it a bet?

Yeah, it's a bet.

Want me to help you pick out a couple of winners? I know 'em all.

No, I'll pick out my own house.

Mmm-hmm.

How about that white one over there?

That's a nice house, prosperous and dusty. (CHUCKLES)

Think I'll try that one down there.

Oh, no, Red. Hey, don't even. Take it from me.

Don't try that one. Believe me.

That's for me.

If I miss on this one, we're getting off of this street.

It's poison!

Ain't it the truth?

Is this Gordon Trist, the Commissioner of Sanitation?

Speaking.

Well, you bubble-headed dunce,

this is Red Jones, the street cleaner who smashed up your car.

Listen, you flannel-eared baboon,

what's the idea of having me fired?

My only regret is

that I personally wasn't able to kick you out on your ear!

Well, stop flapping that fat lip of yours and listen.

Maybe I'll give you that chance, beetle face.

And maybe I'll bust you as wide open as the state of Nevada.

How'd you do?

Didn't do any good at all.

Didn't, huh? Nope.

Well, I just checked with the office.

A customer of mine called in from Bel Air.

Wants to give me a big order.

So I guess I'm going to have to go over there right now.

Okay. Wait a minute.

Didn't you say I had a couple of chances? Yeah.

I've got one more coming? Well...

Didn't you say I could pick my own houses? That's right.

My next house is in Bel Air. Oh, that's not...

Well, I guess a bet is a bet, isn't it? Yeah.

Okay, but remember, this is your last chance.

Okay. And I want you to know I appreciate this.

I'll be right out. You ain't kidding.

Oh, may I see the lady of the house?

I'm Mr. Jones, the new Fuller Brush Man.

One moment, sir.

Yeah.

Point number one.

Get into the house. Get into the house.

Boy, it sure would hold a lot of hay, wouldn't it?

Wonder what time the feature starts?

Well, why would anybody want his picture in their house?

TRIST: Let's go in the patio, Mildred.

Let me get you a cool drink. You've had a horrible morning.

It wasn't so horrible, darling,

until that street cleaner Jones came back into my life.

How I'd like to take his neck in my bare hands

and squeeze till his eyes pop!

He'd better stay out of my way if he values his life.

Mrs. Trist, I beg your pardon. A gentleman to see you.

Mr. Jones, a Fuller Brush Man.

Did you get that gopher yet?

I will. I set a trap for him.

TRIST: We've no time for peddlers.

BILLINGS: Very good, Mr. Trist.

MILDRED: Please serve our drinks outside, Billings.

Yes, madam.

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

Hey, that's the trap. We got our gopher.

Where is it?

Gosh, it must have been a big one! He took the trap with him.

Well, we'll get him next time.

Come sit down, darling, and relax.

Why don't you have a cigar?

You seem to be worried. What is it, Gordon?

I am worried. About my war surplus warehouse.

It's dangerous, Gordon, for a public official

to use his office for personal gain.

Unless he can trust his front man.

Oh, Gregory Cruckston?

Yes. He's pulling a fast one behind my back.

If there's one thing I hate, it's being a victim of sloppy bookkeeping.

He just isn't neat with $1,000 bills.

You've been over the books?

Yes, I'm having a showdown with him tonight.

What if Cruckston can't explain?

That will make it tough, on one of us.

Billings must have spiked the lemonade.

What are you doing here? Who are you?

Oh, good afternoon. I'm your Fuller Brush Man.

I'm sure I have a few items here that will be of interest to you.

Our new plastic brushes.

Haven't I seen you before?

Oh, no. Nobody's ever seen me before.

Say, did you know that you have fungus on your forget-me-nots?

Now, I'm sure you would like to get the pests out of your garden.

I certainly would!

We have the very brush for that.

Oh, how do you do?

Here's a wonderful brush for removing the brunette hairs from your coat

before your wife discovers them.

It's also good for your bubble bath.

Now I recognize you.

So I'm a bubble-headed dunce, eh?

So I'm a flannel-eared baboon?

Oh, I never thought of that. But I bet it keeps your head warm.

Well, I see you've got other things on your mind.

So, I'll come back when you're not busy.

Too bad, Red. I guess you lose.

Hey, that wasn't fair. Commissioner Trist lives there.

And... Oh, what's the difference?

If I'd have picked another house,

Dracula would have probably lived there.

I may as well admit it. I lose.

Well, tough luck, old man.

I'll say goodbye to Ann for you. (LAUGHS)

Hey, you.

Here! And stay out!

Just a minute.

Well, you're the only one who hasn't taken a poke at me

but if you've got any ideas, I warn you, I'll hit back.

I'm terribly sorry.

My husband has an ungovernable temper.

Yeah, it must be pretty hard on you

having to feed him raw meat three times a day.

Is it that bad? That bad? I'll say.

If I'd have sold one brush at this house,

I could have won a bet, a girl and maybe a job.

We can fix that.

How?

You mean, you'll buy a brush?

It's the least I can do to make amends for my husband.

How many brushes do you have to sell?

Only one. I mean, 10, 10.

Oh, I'm sure you can use 10 brushes, couldn't you, Mrs. Trist?

Oh, of course. I'll take 10 of these.

Oh, boy, 10 brushes. Not bad for a start.

Boy, Ann's going to be proud of me.

I can't wait to see the expression

on Wallick's face when he finds out.

Well, goodbye.

Oh, I'm sorry I made any cracks about your husband.

I'm sure you cook his meat a little.

Your money. You forgot to get paid.

Ann, I gave him all the breaks, but right after you left,

he caused a riot at one house and he got thrown out on his ear in the next.

I'm afraid he's a born failure.

Well, thanks anyway, Mr. Wallick.

For you, Ann, anything.

You know that.

I did it! Congratulate me. I did it.

I know you did.

Can't you ever do anything without getting into trouble?

Well, I can take this kind of trouble to any bank and get credit.

I sold 10 plastic brushes to my last customer.

That ain't the way I saw it.

Oh, Red, did you really sell them?

Sure. After he left, I turned on the charm.

Brushes sold like bubble gum at recess time.

Let me see your order blank.

I didn't use any order blanks. I sold them right out of the case, see?

Now, here. You can have your case back.

No order blank. Now, wait a minute.

Red's new at this.

He could very easily have forgotten to get his order blank signed.

Well, where's the money for the brushes, Red?

Oh, gosh. I forgot to get the money.

Oh, Red, you couldn't!

Ten brushes, you wouldn't have just left them there?

He expects us to believe anything.

And while we're at it, those 10 brushes were mine.

Either put 'em back in the case or put the money in my hand.

Ann, believe me, I did sell 'em.

And to prove it, I'll go back and get the money and the order blanks signed.

Of course, I'll have to change clothes.

A salesman has to put his best foot forward, you know.

Wrong foot again.

(PIANO PLAYING)

Oh-oh! What's that?

(MEOWING)

Shame on you, frightening people.

(PIANO PLAYING)

Very nice, Sara.

You haven't forgotten any of my old favorites.

Sara seems to have forgotten mine.

Perhaps she's engaged to the wrong Mr. Trist.

Perhaps I am.

Gordon, if we have some business to discuss...

In good time, Greg. In good time.

(CRYING)

Don't cry, Sara.

So Mildred hooked him before you could?

(CHUCKLES) You still have me.

If you weren't my nephew, I...

Perish the thought, Uncle.

After all, I do want to come into your money.

Apologize to Sara, you little fool.

Make me!

I apologize.

After this, treat Sara with some respect.

That guy's just the preliminary. I'm probably the main event.

I'm tired of your nasty insinuations.

Now, just a minute. Gordon!

What's wrong?

Nothing.

I think we should all have some tea.

Tea! Just what I need.

TRIST: What the...

Who is it, Williams?

Same guy, Mr. Trist.

Found him snooping around the grounds, sir.

You! What are you doing here again?

You tell me. I caught him peeping in the window.

Well, the more the merrier!

Go round up some more, Williams.

Shut up, you!

I thought I told you to get away from here and stay away!

Well, I only came back to apologize for coming back.

This time I'm going to put you out myself.

Hey, stop squeezing my Adam's apple.

I'm not squeezing your Adam's apple.

Well, how come I can taste cider?

(GRUNTING)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

SARA: The lights! What happened to the lights?

GREGORY: Where's the switch? FREDDIE: Look out!

(MAN GROANING)

MILDRED: What was that? FREDDIE: Somebody fell.

SARA: There's someone on the floor. MILDRED: Billings! The lights!

It's my husband! GREGORY: What happened to Gordon?

FREDDIE: Trist's been stabbed! SARA: There's blood!

FREDDIE: Uncle Gordon! GREGORY: What happened?

(MILDRED GASPING)

Give me a hand. Just a moment.

Easy. Put her over there. Fix that pillow.

Here we are. Put her down easy.

Get her some water.

He's been stabbed in the back.

Probably went through to the heart.

(CRYING)

Hey, why don't that guy pay his light bill

instead of going around beating up on everybody?

What's the matter with her? I don't feel any pulse.

Let's turn him over. Don't touch anything!

Don't you leave! Don't anybody leave this room!

What's the matter with him? What's the matter with everybody?

So the lights went out. What...

Police Department?

I wish to report a murder.

A murder?

Well, that's it, Lieutenant.

Thanks.

Find it yet, Roberts?

Not yet, Lieutenant.

Well, keep looking. That knife's got to be here.

Get a matron up here to search the women.

You and Brady take care of the men.

Right, Lieutenant.

Can she talk?

I wouldn't advise it.

Severe shock. I gave her a sedative.

How soon will it be?

Oh, a night's rest.

She'll be well enough to answer questions in the morning.

Surely you don't suspect Mrs. Trist, Lieutenant?

I suspect everybody.

You're all in the same room, the lights go out.

When they come on again, a man is dead.

No one left the room.

Someone in here has to be the murderer.

Someone here stabbed Gordon Trist to death in the dark.

They wiped the blood off the knife on the murdered man's sleeve

and hid the knife.

A clever job of hiding,

but we'll find it.

We'll find it, no matter where it's hidden.

Any luck, Foster?

Nothing here, Lieutenant.

Oh, you don't think that I...

I don't think until I'm sure,

but you were fighting with the murdered man when the lights went out.

Yeah, but I didn't kill him.

When the lights went out,

I hid in the piano, so I wouldn't get hurt.

Piano?

Take that piano apart, Charlie.

Yes, sir.

Say, Lieutenant, I think you're barking up the wrong tree.

Now, I've seen a lot of murders, in the movies.

And though you never suspect it until the end of the picture,

the murderer is always the...

(SIGHS) I'd like to hear some more of your bright ideas.

Take them all down to the station, boys.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

Oh, relax, honey.

That guy has squirmed out of your life for good.

But I'm worried.

I wish I'd heard from him.

MAN: (ON RADIO) We interrupt this program

to bring you a special news bulletin.

Gordon Trist, Los Angeles Commissioner of Sanitation

was stabbed to death tonight at his palatial home in Bel Air.

Among the suspects being held by the police

in connection with the fatal stabbing

are Red Jones, a Fuller Brush Man, and...

(TURNS OFF RADIO)

(CHUCKLES) Well, you've heard from him.

We've gone over that room with everything from a currycomb to a fluoroscope.

Ten experts with every gadget,

electronic whatnot and gimmick known to science

and still no murder weapon.

We're dealing with a very clever person.

It's always the butler.

Let Wallick and Miss Elliot come in.

They've been here all night, too.

Ann! Oh, Red, what happened?

You didn't really do what they're saying?

We'll determine that, Miss Elliot.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

That's quite all right. Glad to be of service.

Is this yours?

It is. I loaned it to Red Jones.

Why did you loan it to him?

Well, it was the result of a foolish bet he'd forced upon me,

with Miss Elliot as the stake.

He's always been jealous of my attentions to Ann,

extremely jealous.

Why, I never knew when he might turn his violence upon me.

But you're going to know now, if you don't stop lying.

Look, all I wanted to do was to prove I could sell Fuller Brushes, and I did.

You've got a satisfied customer right in this room.

Mrs. Trist.

I never bought anything from this man. My husband threw him out.

That's the last I saw of him

until our chauffeur discovered him last night.

Look, I know you're upset over what happened.

But remember out on the lawn, you bought the brushes from me?

Oh, what is this?

You've got to make her remember. I did sell those brushes.

Honest I did.

Look, what are you trying to pull anyway?

Lieutenant, I've been through a severe shock.

Must I stand for this?

This man's obviously guilty.

He hated Gordon for throwing him out of the department.

Oh, I was sore, but I didn't...

You were fighting with Gordon just before he was killed.

Yeah, but I didn't...

Accept my congratulations, Jones.

I'm glad you got rid of my uncle.

He was a no-good, dirty chiseler.

Dirty is right.

For a Commissioner of Sanitation, he sure left me in a mess.

I didn't!

Have some turkey, Mr. Jones.

Mr. Prosecutor, are you trying to get something into me

or get something out of me?

You two have been firing questions at me for 48 hours.

I'm still not guilty and I'm not very hungry.

Oh, go ahead, it won't hurt you.

It's dead, just like Gordon Trist.

(LAUGHS)

Here, carve it yourself.

Oh, you're sure this is not a job for the coroner?

Hmm, you handle that knife very well.

Thank you. Now, look, I didn't kill him.

And I don't like your a la carte insinuations.

Oh, come now, we're treating you like an honored guest.

Oh?

Although we know you're guilty.

If you play ball with us, we'll treat you even nicer.

Oh?

What's the matter, Mr. Jones, nervous?

Nervous? Me?

No. What have I got to be nervous about?

I told you I was innocent.

Strong coffee.

(CRACKING)

Weak cups.

Will you excuse us a moment, please?

Oh, come back anytime.

Well, there's no doubt about it,

you serve the finest third degree in town.

Got a match?

I didn't do it!

Looks like our little chum is going to stay mum.

If I can't locate that murder weapon, I've got to let him go.

We've held him 48 hours.

Without the murder weapon, I can't bring him before the grand jury.

Mmm, maybe I can't hold him after tomorrow,

but I'll have him tailed, wire his apartment,

tap his phone, read his mail,

and water his geraniums if I have to.

In all my years as District Manager, this is the first time

our name has been associated with scandal.

Lieutenant, have you seen these?

"Fuller Brush Man's motto, buy or die!"

"Doorknocker knocks off reluctant customer."

Can't you do something about this horrible publicity?

Take it up with Jones. We're letting him go.

Letting him go?

After what he's done to the good name of Fuller Brushes?

And he wasn't even a Fuller Brush Man.

Just a freelance idiot! (PHONE RINGING)

You can't hang a man for that in my office.

Well, you can in mine.

For you, Lieutenant.

Quint speaking.

Oh, hello, Ferguson. How's it going?

We're in Jones' apartment.

Testing behind the radiator now.

It's all wired for sound. Yeah, the acoustics are perfect.

You can hear a shoelace being tied.

You can release Jones now.

Fine. Stand by.

Here's an okay on Jones.

Let him go. Yes, sir.

Did you say Mr. Jones is innocent?

I said we're letting him go free.

Oh, thank heaven.

Now, listen, Ann, you're not going to waste any more sympathy on that...

Shut up, Wallick!

And next time you feel magnanimous about helping morons,

remember, charity begins at home.

Oh, it's not Mr. Wallick's fault. It was all my idea.

You see, I thought that if Red could make a go of being a Fuller Brush Man,

that, well, I thought that...

Oh, what's the difference? I'm sorry, Mr. Seward.

And don't worry about me wasting sympathy on him anymore.

I realize now that he's...

He's hopeless.

RED: (LAUGHS) Well, thanks for everything!

You must sleep over at my place some time. (CHUCKLES)

Oh, hi, Ann.

I'm sorry about all of this, but it wasn't my fault.

Now that I'm going to be a Fuller Brush Man, things will be different.

I'll be the biggest thing that ever hit the Fuller Brush Company.

It might be just the opposite.

Mr. Seward!

Now that I've cleared myself,

maybe I could come up to the office and have that little talk.

You'd better not, because then I might be up for murder.

And I wouldn't want to be up for murdering you.

I've got too good a motive.

And as for you, well, I'll speak to both of you in the morning.

Oh, that's swell. Now maybe I'll lose my dealership.

I only worked 12 years to build it up

and this chowderhead tore it down in one day.

What's everybody so touchy about?

Nothing. Nothing at all. Just the same old thing.

Red Jones has done it again. Mr. Trouble.

Open a door for him and he brings the house down on your head.

Oh, you're great, Red.

You lost this chance even before you started.

And you dragged your friends in with you.

I always expect the worst from you

and you never let me down.

Who gets this?

That might as well be me.

I'm always left holding the bag.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was my apartment.

It is, Mr. Jones.

Now look, sis, I don't know what you want to buy,

but this time I ain't selling.

Is that any way to greet a visitor?

You don't seem very glad to see me.

After all, I was very nice to you when you called at my house.

I'm sorry.

Make yourself at home, but not in my home.

Please?

Check it somewhere else, sister!

(MUFFLED CHATTERING)

Hey, what was the idea of telling those cops

you didn't buy any brushes from me?

I was only trying to help you.

Help me? Yeah.

Help me get a fast ride down that last mile.

But you're wrong.

If they knew we'd met and talked before,

they might think we're in this together.

They might suspect both of us.

Poor Gordon's real murderer would go free.

Still, we are in it together,

even though we're innocent.

We must work together and stick together.

Well, what about Ann?

Will you tell her you bought the brushes from me?

Of course I'll tell her.

Stay right where you are. I hope she's not out with Wallick.

I hope she's not home with Wallick.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Hello, Ann? This is Red. Can you come right over to my place?

No!

Look, Red, maybe I didn't make myself clear.

Let me put it this way. We're through!

He said he can prove Mrs. Trist really did buy those brushes.

Oh, but I'm not falling for those ridiculous explanations any longer.

(PHONE RINGING)

(IN ANGRY TONE) Hello.

Ann, believe me. Mrs. Trist is in my place right now.

You've got to come over.

I'll be expecting you.

Ann's coming over and you can explain to her about the brushes.

That'll square me with her.

Hey, what's this bristle comb doing here?

I thought you bought all of these.

Now I remember. I only had nine of them.

That must be mine, too.

Oh. Well, don't forget to pay me for them.

And while you dig up some cash, I'll dig up some food.

Boy, am I hungry!

How's it going?

Something went haywire.

She does it every time.

Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.

That's all right. The ironing board always does that.

That's why my head's got a better press than my pants.

Come on in. Kitchen's kind of small.

It used to be a telephone booth before the housing shortage.

Here, you chop up the onions for the salad, huh?

Nothing's coming in on the system.

You know, maybe Red is telling the truth.

After all, Mrs. Trist could be lying.

Oh, not a chance. Quint knows Red is guilty.

The cops just let him go so they could watch every move he makes.

Are you sure? Absolutely.

Why, Lieutenant Quint wants me to make a full report.

I'm sort of working undercover for the police.

Where are you going?

I wouldn't walk out on Red when he was in trouble.

I thought he was really free.

Oh, then I'm going with you, if only to protect you.

That man is a criminal.

I'm going to see that he's brought to justice.

I really must go.

Oh, you can't leave now. Ann will be here any minute.

You have her call me at home.

I'll tell her you sold me the brushes.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Don't go away. Don't go away.

That's Ann.

Ann! Oh!

(BUZZING CONTINUES)

Hey, it isn't Ann. Who is it?

It's that girl that was at your place.

Sara Franzen? Yeah, that's her.

We mustn't be seen together.

Is there another way out?

Yeah, right through that window, four stories straight down.

Well, get rid of her and don't let her know I'm here.

Okay.

(BUZZING CONTINUES)

Just a minute!

What's wrong with this thing? Can't you fix it?

As soon as that Trist dame came in, our volume went down.

Next time, we dump slot machines in the bay, include this.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Keep your shirt on!

Look, I'm...

I'm not used to doors slamming in my face, Mr. Jones.

Well, you can't come in. I'm taking a bath.

With your trousers on?

Well, it's a very small tub.

I can only get half of my body in at a time.

Oh.

Dry water.

Very interesting.

Oh, all right. Come on in.

What do you want?

Is that any way to greet a visitor?

RED: What did you say?

SARA: Is that any way to greet a visitor?

That's when we came in!

RED: Well, what do you want to do? Scrub my back?

SARA: Mr. Jones, I just didn't know which way to turn.

RED: Well, I got a TL for you.

You can turn around and get out of here.

SARA: Mr. Jones, please listen to me.

I just had to come to see you.

Well, you've seen all of me you're going to see.

(MUFFLED CHATTERING)

That was Sara Franzen. Now what's wrong with it?

It keeps the radiator warm. Let's start talking.

You've got to help me, Mr. Jones.

You're the only one I can trust.

How come all of a sudden everybody trusts me?

I think Mrs. Trist lied to the police.

I'm almost sure I saw several new brushes in her room.

May I see the brushes in your case, please?

If they are the same kind...

You see, everybody thinks there was something between me and Gordon.

Oh, but I love his nephew.

I love Freddie.

I love him. I love him.

So you love him.

Now do you understand how I feel?

No, but I can understand how Freddie feels.

(DOORBELL BUZZING) Oh, that's Ann!

Here, you can't undress in here! (GASPS)

How'd that get here? Put that on!

Where?

The same place you had it before. I mean, in here. In here.

(BUZZING CONTINUES)

Ann! Freddie!

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Oh, it's Freddie!

Freddie? Oh, he's madly jealous of me.

If he finds me in your bedroom, he'll kill you.

Kill me? Yes.

Why should he? You've still got your hat on.

You'd better hide in the kitchen. I'd rather have her kill me.

Ooh! I'm sorry.

Hello, Sara. What a cute hat.

(BUZZING CONTINUES)

Well, will you start peeling the onions?

Now, look, if you think you're coming in here,

you got another thought coming!

Well, now that I've thought it over, please come in.

I have an idea Sara's here.

No, she's not here. But if she comes around,

I'll tell her you were asking for her.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

(WHISPERING) That's her now. Let her in.

Don't say a word. Let her talk. I want to listen.

That isn't Sara.

Open the door.

No, no, please, please don't go in the kitchen.

Let her in. And remember, this gun is loaded.

So is the kitchen.

Hello, Freddie. I see you've changed from knives to guns.

It can't hurt anyone. It isn't loaded.

Sara, what are you doing here?

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Let me in.

Any of you folks expecting two tough-looking mugs?

No, and I'm getting out of here.

Use your skeleton key.

Hey, wait. I'll see if they're still out there.

(GRUNTS)

Not a sound out of any of you.

Start looking.

Here, that's my good suit.

Oh, stop it, will you? I'm responsible for these things.

This'll get us nothing. I'm going up there.

Now look, sloppy, I don't have a maid here today.

Sit down! Hmm?

What are you looking for, a punch in the nose?

No. What are you looking for?

Hey, you're wrecking my apartment.

What do you guys want?

Just came up to buy some brushes, Mr. Fuller.

RED: Oh, my name's not Fuller. You got the wrong apartment.

Shh! Stop making so much noise.

I don't mind you breaking my furniture, but don't break my lease.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Who's that?

Your guess is as good as mine. I've been wrong every time.

Take them in there. I'll cover the redhead.

Get rid of whoever it is.

And remember, I got you covered.

One wrong move and you get it.

I got it.

Am I intruding?

Lieutenant Quint, come in.

Am I glad to see you!

Happy and honored to have a member of the police force pay me a visit.

Yes, sir, happy to have you here, Lieutenant.

Just loosen your holster and make yourself at home.

I changed the furniture around.

I'm sure it looked better the way you had it.

Oh, no. It was too formal.

QUINT: Low on closets, eh?

No, just long on coats. Just throw it anywhere.

Sure I'm not intruding?

No. No, not at all. You...

No. No. I was just spending a nice quiet evening at home with my books.

I'd hate to leave you alone with my books.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Oh, pardon me. Come in.

Ann! What a surprise!

So it's true.

They still think you killed Gordon Trist.

Oh, how can you be so blind?

Red never harmed anyone in his life.

Oh, Red. They just let you go to trap you.

Say, let's get this straight. Are you with him or against him?

With him, when he's in trouble.

Isn't that wonderful? I'm always in trouble.

Well, I'll leave you two to kiss and make up.

I've got to go.

No, no, no, no. Why don't you stay and trap me?

QUINT: It's a good idea, but two's company.

RED: Well, maybe I could leave you two alone.

That is, I'll fix you a sandwich or something.

We'd love for him to stay, wouldn't we, Ann?

No. And by the way, where's Mrs. Trist? You said she was here.

That ought to prove something to you, Lieutenant.

Trist? She thought I said Trist.

Prist. Mrs. Prist.

She's the one with the low-slung jaw like that, see?

Her husband was a heavy smoker

and he married her so he'd have an extra ashtray.

What did Mrs. Prist come here for?

Well, you can never understand what she says.

You've got to lean over like this and...

Come to think of it, I will stay. I haven't eaten today.

Well, if you'll remember, I haven't, either.

This time we'll forget the questions

and concentrate on our little tummies, huh?

Ann, you entertain the Lieutenant.

I'll go get things going.

Well, can't I help? I want to talk to you.

Oh, no, no.

You know how small the kitchen is and...

You stay with the Lieutenant.

Get rid of that flatfoot.

I can't. He's hungry. He wants something to eat.

Better eat, too, redhead. This may be your last supper.

Oh. There goes my appetite.

Here, peel the potatoes, will you?

And you open up a can of stew and you fix the coffee.

(SNIFFLING)

Can't you peel a smaller one?

Yeah.

Nice gun you got.

Yeah.

Hmm. You're quite handy in the kitchen.

Sure you didn't have some help in there?

No. No, I learned to cook from my mother.

Her specialty was stew.

She threw everything in the pot except what we were going to wear that day.

QUINT: So nothing unusual happened since you left my office, eh?

No. Nothing unusual. And that's unusual.

Well, if you have any visitors, let me know. I've got to be going now.

I'll see you to the door, Lieutenant.

You're going? Well, you haven't had your coffee yet.

Wait, I'll get it.

Why hasn't that guy gone yet?

He's going as soon as he has his coffee.

Don't kid me. And remember,

one word out of you to that guy

and you're going to end up in a detective story magazine,

air conditioned.

I won't say a word.

I'll join you in a cup of coffee, Lieutenant, if you'll jump in first.

Come and get it while it's hot, Lieutenant.

Oh, and it's hot.

(WHISPERS) Where is he? (LOUDLY) He just left...

(SHUSHING) (MUFFLED CHATTER)

Where? He had to go...

(SHUSHING)

Here, Lieutenant, how will you have your sugar?

With one or two cups of coffee?

Have some more cream, Quint.

You look as if you could stand some more weight. (LAUGHS)

Just dunk away. Roll up your sleeves there.

You can't catch cold as long as you keep your elbows dry.

Red, for heaven sakes... (SHUSHING)

There's two gorillas here with guns.

(SOFTLY) Guns? (LOUDLY) Who has guns?

Why, Lieutenant Quint has guns, look.

Look at the size of those pistols.

Why, they're big enough for elephants.

'Course I never saw an elephant carry a gun.

Did you say gorillas?

No, no, no. Elephants.

I understand you're quite a crack shot, Lieutenant.

Why, they tell me you can split a wet noodle lengthwise at 50 yards.

(WHISPERS) There's two guys here with guns.

One's in the kitchen, the other's in the bedroom.

(MIMICS QUINT) That's right, son.

I used to be a big game hunter.

Got so I didn't have to shoot critters.

They see me coming, they just up and surrender.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, that's good.

Red! Mmm-hmm?

Red, why don't you put the furniture back?

Why?

(WHISPERS) Block the doors.

And I'll pour Lieutenant Quint another cup of coffee.

RED: That's a good idea.

Hold your cup, Lieutenant.

Give him a lot of it.

I'm going to the Trist house. I'll check with you from there.

Yeah, things are beginning to make some sense now.

Looks like Mrs. Trist is in this with Red.

Right. Keep that recorder going.

RED: How does the chair look here, Lieutenant?

(MIMICS QUINT) Well, the only chair I know anything about

is wired for electricity. (LAUGHS)

(IN NORMAL TONE) Boy, is he corny.

(RED LAUGHS)

He'll pay for that remark.

That reminds me of a joke, Lieutenant.

Now, don't stop me if you've heard it because I'm dying to hear it again.

It seems there was a fellow about to be electrocuted

and the warden said to him,

"Do you have any last wish?"

And the guy says, "Yeah. I wish you was sitting on my lap."

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, you should have stopped me.

That'll hold 'em. Come on.

Noticed anything peculiar about the coffee?

No. It should have been good to the last bristle.

(WHISTLES)

Hey, this is the brush Mrs. Trist wanted.

Well, what's it doing in the coffeepot?

Mmm.

Hey, look, that plastic, it's soft, it bends.

Look how that stretches.

This must be the brush those gorillas were looking for.

Oh, why did Lieutenant Quint have to leave?

JIGGERS: Hey, Skitch! They've got the brush!

Help! Get out of the place. The building's on fire! Hurry!

There's an earthquake. Hurry!

Help! Help! Help! There's a fire in the house.

At least this'll get your mother out of the house.

(ALL CLAMORING)

...automobiles right away.

We're taking orders for automobiles. There's a fire.

Immediate delivery. Get out fast.

Hurry, hurry, hurry!

We've got to get this to Lieutenant Quint.

It must be important. Everybody wants it.

You're right, Red. (CAR HONKING)

What's going on here, Ann?

I won't have you consorting with this criminal.

Get in, Red. Quick! Quick!

Come on, step on the gas. Get going.

Oh, not me!

I'm not helping any murderer to escape.

Police! Help! Help!

RED: Well, that ought to help. Hurry.

Come on!

Get going! Hurry! I'm gone.

RED: Don't you see? This is a clue.

It must be a clue. Somebody hid it in the coffeepot.

I've got to get it to Quint. He's got to know about it.

Please, Sergeant. Where is he?

A clue.

The next thing you'll be telling me,

Trist was murdered with a brush.

Hey, he's right. Trist was murdered with this brush.

Why didn't we think of that?

Oh, Sergeant, you're wonderful.

Sure. Sure. I even know how it happened.

The murderer tickled him to death.

Listen, lady, I can't send you to Quint with those goofy ideas.

He'd hand me back my traffic whistle

and tell me to blow my brains out.

We'll take that chance.

Sure, where is he?

At the Trist house. Come on.

You'll take that chance?

Is Lieutenant Quint here? Who is it, Billings?

It's that brush person.

Where's Lieutenant Quint? He just left.

Where'd he go? Oh, we've got to find him.

I'm sorry. He didn't say where he was going.

Selling brushes at this hour, Mr. Jones?

Not this one. This one's for Lieutenant Quint.

It's the murder weapon.

(CHUCKLING) Oh, come now, Mr. Jones.

Hasn't your company had enough publicity out of this tragedy?

You think I'm kidding, huh? Where's your kitchen?

Kitchen? Don't tell me a Fuller Brush is also good to eat.

No. But this one stopped somebody from eating.

Come on.

Now watch.

The boiling water will make that handle soft

and you can bend it into any shape you want.

Now, that's exactly what the murderer did.

Extremely interesting,

but why didn't the police find that brush after the murder?

Surely, a handle that shape would have attracted attention.

Look, Red, it's softening.

Look.

It is. It's changing its shape.

ANN: Hey, it's going back to its original form.

Jones, you've hit it.

I read about that stuff in a magazine.

Plastic with a memory, it's called.

No matter what you do to it,

it always returns to its original shape when it's heated.

And that's how the murderer hid the weapon.

After the murder, the brush was heated again

and thrown on the floor with my brushes.

It looked like one of the regular brushes.

Oh, good heavens. I've been carrying it around with me. (LAUGHS)

Hey, Mrs. Trist was going to serve tea.

There was boiling water in that teapot.

You don't think it was Mrs. Trist, do you?

Why, I don't know, but she bought the brushes.

And she came to your apartment tonight.

She tried awful hard to get this brush away from me.

I can't believe it.

Well, I can. It must be her.

Lieutenant Quint's got to see about...

Mr. Cruckston, telephone, sir.

Oh, excuse me.

That's all right.

Come on. We're going back to the police headquarters.

(GASPING) Oh.

This may square you with me.

Hello. Yes, this is Gregory Cruckston.

Bad news, Chief. That Jones guy got away.

He's here with me.

Get Skitch and the boys and wait at the warehouse.

Okay, Chief. We'll be waiting for you.

We'll be right down. Yes, I'll bring Mr. Jones with me.

Who was that?

Lieutenant Quint. He wants us down at my warehouse.

We haven't a minute to lose.

He's uncovered some new evidence.

Oh, is that right? Is it Mrs. Trist? I bet he knew it all the time.

He didn't say.

(GRUNTS)

...and that's why I had to come and see you, Lieutenant.

It seemed more than coincidence the murder weapon

and the brush I bought from Mr. Jones

should have disappeared at the same time.

The notion struck me that they could be one and the same.

Interesting theory, Mrs. Trist.

We've been working on that ourselves.

There are some, however,

who believe your husband was tickled to death.

I found the missing brush tonight at Mr. Jones' apartment.

When those two hoodlums started looking for a brush, I...

I realized I was on the right track.

I was afraid they'd find it on me,

so I hid it in the coffeepot hoping you'd find it.

Hmm. Nice of you to let us into your confidence, Mrs. Trist.

First, you didn't buy brushes from Jones.

Now it seems you did buy brushes from Jones.

See she isn't disturbed while she makes up her mind.

I'm telling you the truth, Lieutenant.

That's all, Mrs. Trist.

Oh, no, Lieutenant. Not again, please.

Certainly is dark here. And damp.

We're near the waterfront.

Sure is a spooky place to have an office.

(FOG HORN BLARING)

Telephone's ringing.

"War Surplus Warehouse."

We sell our goods in stores all over the country.

The entrance is right over here.

Hey, you know, I bought a walkie-talkie at a war surplus store.

It was good for talking, but I couldn't get it to walk. (CHUCKLING)

Gordon Trist was my silent partner.

Yeah, he's pretty silent right now, ain't he?

Afraid so. While he was alive, he used his influence

to help me buy up millions of dollars worth of war materials.

Yeah?

Hey, what a wonderful spot for a murder.

Oh, Red, don't talk like that.

Well, it is, isn't it, Mr. Cruckston?

I couldn't think of a better place.

Yeah.

You know, I've been reconstructing the crime in my mind.

I should be working with the homicide bureau.

Philo Jones, that's me.

You know, you're right about Mrs. Trist.

If she weren't guilty,

she would never have denied buying those brushes.

Yeah, that's her story, but her husband got stuck with it.

Look, first thing she did was to take a brush and shape it like a knife.

Then she wheeled in the teacart.

The lights go out.

(GRUNTING) There's a body on the floor.

She takes the weapon and drops it into the teapot.

(MIMICS BUBBLING)

Now the lights come up.

She takes the weapon out of the teapot,

but it's an ordinary brush again.

She throws it on the floor with my brushes and...

Well, I'm fired from the homicide bureau.

Well, what's wrong?

Well, how could she take the brush out of the teapot

if she were unconscious or pretending to be when the lights came on?

She could have had an accomplice.

Hmm. That's it.

Someone must have helped her.

Now, let's see.

Who was standing close by the boiling water?

There was the butler and the maid.

Now, the butler or the maid, either one could have helped kill Mr. Trist.

Everybody has servant problems.

Were they near the teacart?

Yeah, and they weren't just reading tea leaves, either.

And the only other ones were Mrs. Trist...

The maid, the butler and who, Mr. Jones?

Oh, I just remembered. You were right beside the teacart.

(LAUGHS) Can you imagine?

For a second I thought he did it. (LAUGHING)

Why, that's a good one.

Why, what dopes we'd be

to come to a deserted warehouse if he were the murderer.

That would mean that this is all just a gag

and that Lieutenant Quint wouldn't be in the office

and we'd be a couple of dead ducks.

Because he'd be sure to kill us.

Wouldn't want us to tell how the murder was committed.

Be quite a little joke on us, eh, Mr. Cruckston?

You'll probably die laughing. Now, get in there!

Oh, Red, it was him! He did it!

Now she tells me.

CRUCKSTON: All right, break up the game.

Okay, we're on our last hand now. Four aces.

Got the boat ready? Our friends are taking a trip.

Boat?

Oh, I can't stand boats. I get seasick.

I'd just be a nuisance.

Why don't you fellows go by yourselves?

Come on, boys.

We'll finish the game when we get back.

Oh, now don't let us interrupt.

We don't want to break up their game, do we?

Especially after you've got all those extra aces.

What do you mean, extra aces?

Oh, I saw you hide them under the blotter.

Murder's one thing, but cheating at cards...

(CLICKS TONGUE) You ought to be ashamed of yourself!

Never mind that! Come on. Get going.

You don't think he was cheating, huh? Well, look.

(GUN FIRING)

RED: Hurry!

(WHOOPING)

Come on, I'll catch you.

(SCREAMING)

Who left all these walnut shells around?

You murdering kidnapper. Now I've got you.

Sorry, Mr. Wallick.

Slow me down! Slow me down!

I got him, fellas. I got him. Call the cops.

Sorry, Mr. Wallick!

Ooh! Oh, no!

Come on!

Oh, Red, what are we going to do? There's no way out of here.

Well, here, put this over the door.

I thought I stepped on you at first.

Here, maybe we can get some help with these.

I used a walkie-talkie in the Army.

Oh, it's too late. They're coming!

Well, well, here. Blow this up.

ANN: How?

It's simple. You pull this.

Here, put it against the door.

Where did you go?

Uh-huh. Right here. Oh!

Here, pull it up there. (GRUNTING)

I'll tune these in on every wavelength. Someone's bound to hear us.

Help, police.

Come to the Cruckston Warehouse. Help, police!

MAN ON RADIO: Now, a message from our sponsor.

RED: (OVER RADIO) Help, help, police! Come to the Cruckston Warehouse!

Those commercials are getting sillier every day!

Help, police! Beaver Patrol to the rescue! Help, police!

(GRUNTING)

Blow up some more!

Help, police! Come to the Cruckston Warehouse!

MAN ON RADIO: And now, the celebrated fashion designer, Jean Louis,

will give us his opinion of the new longer dresses.

RED: (OVER RADIO) Blow 'em up. Blow 'em up! Get air in 'em. Blow 'em up!

MAN ON RADIO: And now, we shall hear the senator from Massachusetts,

who will speak on what the government should do about big business.

RED: (OVER RADIO) Blow 'em up. Blow 'em up! Hurry, blow 'em up!

That's the Democrats for you!

Help, police! Come to the Cruckston Warehouse!

There he is. Come on!

Come here, you! Help!

Leave her alone! Help! Red!

Get your dirty hands off of her!

RED: (OVER RADIO) Take your dirty hands off that girl.

I told you to take your hands off her.

Leave her alone!

Come here, you!

I told you to leave her alone! ANN: Red!

(GASPING) Hurry!

Help!

MAN ON TV: Leaping Leo, the Bulgarian Backbreaker is trying for a hammerlock.

The champion is fighting back.

It's anyone's match. It's a real fight, folks.

The Bulgarian Backbreaker is down.

He's taking a terrific beating.

Listen to him yell.

ANN: Help! Help! Oh, someone please help!

Leave me alone! Help!

Come to the Cruckston Warehouse. Help! Help!

MAN ON RADIO: And this is what a satisfied user of Simon's Sausage

has to say about Simon's Sausage...

RED: Help! They're killing me!

ANN: We can't hold out much longer.

That's right. They always give me heartburn.

Hurry! Hurry!

Come to the Cruckston Warehouse. Hurry, please! Help!

Lieutenant Quint, come to the Cruckston Warehouse, please! Help!

Help, help, help!

Help! Help!

Help! They're killing me!

(CHOKING)

MAN ON RADIO: And when you smoke that fresh cigarette, Old Bluckies,

your throat will feel like this...

(RED CHOKING)

(RED COUGHING)

RED: Help! Help! They're killing me!

(COUGHING CONTINUES)

RED: Blow up some more.

ANN: I am. I'm blowing. Blow 'em up!

(LOUD BURST ON RADIO)

MAN ON RADIO: That brings to a close our program of slumber music.

Here, take these, in case of an emergency.

Blow 'em up. Blow 'em up! Get air in 'em!

Blow 'em up!

The Thin Man must have lived here.

Come on!

I wonder if there's a diner on this train.

You know, this looks familiar.

Steal my girl and car, will you?

Hurry. Get up there! All right.

RED: Here I come, ready or not.

Go away, boys. We want to be alone!

(ANN GRUNTING) Steady. Steady.

ANN: Oh, Red.

This is a fine time to play see-saw.

Wish I'd worn my heavier girdle.

(GASPING)

Here, here, here, I know you like pretzels, but let's not overdo it.

Knucklehead'll need some new knuckles!

And all I wanted to do was to sell Fuller Brushes.

Even with his ears it fits!

Come on. Get on my back!

You're going backwards!

I can't see where I'm going.

Take your finger out of my mouth. I'm not a baby.

They're catching me!

Here, put your feet in my pockets and stop squirming around, will you?

Stop hanging on my eyelids!

(ANN EXCLAIMS)

My nose, my nose, let go of my nose!

Hey, I'm beginning to feel like a wishbone.

Jump! Jump? Oh, you're kidding!

(GRUNTING) Let go of that!

MAN: Ow!

RED: Oh, get away, boys. You bother me.

Oh!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Oh! Don't!

Hey, get me off of here!

Oh, turn off this Mixmaster!

Red, here they come!

Keep going! Someone has to get flattened out.

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

ANN: Where do we go from here?

You better jump. I'll try to balance this.

Red, are you all right?

Good morning, madam. Would you like to buy a brush?

(SCOFFS)

Gee, I hate to break up their pinochle game.

(FIRE ALARM RINGING)

(SIRENS WAILING)

Now I got you, you killer! I got him, fellas! I got him!

Stop it!

Sorry, Mr. Wallick!

Here, put him under here.

Who are you? I'm Mr. Wallick.

Sorry, Mr. Wallick. Thank you. Oh, no, don't hit me!

(MUMBLING)

(BOTH YELLING)

Take that!

Come on, just when I'm getting to enjoy this.

ANN: I can't stand up!

Well, here comes the Rover Boys again.

Red! Oh!

Hey, get your foot out of my mouth!

Red! Red! Watch it, Red!

RED: I haven't been so crowded since I slept with...

Red!

Red, come on, hurry! Oh!

Hey, let go. Let go! You're killing me.

I can't hold on much longer.

You'd better. You won't like it down there.

Begging your pardon, sir.

But you seem to be leaving with my portion of the money.

Get out of here. Not until I get what's coming to me.

I carried out your plan.

I expect you to live up to the rest of our agreement.

What are you going to do?

For delivering one dead gentleman, I merely wanted my share.

Now it seems if I deliver two dead gentlemen, I can have both shares.

(THUDS)

It's always the butler, sir.

(ALL CLAMORING)

Fine camouflage net. Everywhere I go, they see me.

MAN: Hold onto Jones! Don't let him get away!

Get the girl!

(YELLING)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

...then we had the FCC mobile unit put a fix on the call.

They traced it to a waterfront warehouse. Cruckston's in San Pedro.

A guy named Red Jones was calling for you, Lieutenant.

Red Jones? Let's get going, boys.

Oh, no! No, not me!

(EXCLAIMING)

Oh! My foot!

Red!

Oh, my leg! My leg! You burned my foot off.

Red, the Fire Department! They're here!

We're saved!

Get this window open.

It won't open.

We can let them know we're up here.

Hey, I'll send up a flare.

Stand back!

Now, one move and I'll fill you so full of flares,

you'll be able to read by your own light.

Red, the door's over here. Come on.

Stand back, fellas.

I don't want any more trouble with you.

You keep on and you're gonna...

You'll end up like a pinball machine.

Oh, it's locked, Red!

Tilt it.

Heh! Now you want to be a glowworm, huh?

Back up. Go on.

Get over to the window. We got to get word to the fire chief.

Help! Help!

Those are the right words, only say them louder.

Where's the fire?

Fire? There's no fire.

No fire? We got the alarm from here.

There must be some mistake, Captain.

There's no one here but me. You can see for yourself.

There's no fire.

And who are you?

I'm Mr. Cruckston's man, sir.

He sent for me to bring down the car and wait for him here.

Okay. False alarm, boys. Probably a short circuit.

We're up here! Help! Help! They don't hear me.

Well, keep yelling. Help!

Oh, Red, the fire engines are leaving.

Oh, no.

Well, there's only one thing to do is send up the flare.

Hey, put that down! Get back! Don't ever do that again!

Don't just stand there. Do something!

I'll do something. Get over there!

Get over there, will you? Go on! Get. You, too, get over there.

Get up against the wall.

Get over there. Now, I'm going to let you have it.

Well, I wonder if this company was investigated.

Back up! Back up or I'll light this.

So help me, I'll light it. You'd better back up...

Oh, I've lit it! Help!

Turn around and go back!

Look, I don't mind carrying a torch for you, but this is ridiculous.

Where are you going?

Grab 'em, boys!

I'll get a pull motor.

No, I'm all right.

Are you all right, Red?

Yeah. Are you sure?

You all right? Oh.

Just a minute. Just a minute. Arrest that man.

Why? Is there a law against it?

What a kiss.

What a Fuller Brush Man.