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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,910 --> 00:00:07,265 [GREG] Here's the thing, son. 2 00:00:08,368 --> 00:00:10,039 When you come to a closed door in life 3 00:00:10,064 --> 00:00:11,617 and there's nowhere else to go, 4 00:00:12,087 --> 00:00:14,156 you can either stand there and wait... 5 00:00:14,820 --> 00:00:17,007 or take matters into your own hands. 6 00:00:18,804 --> 00:00:20,992 [BOTH URINATING] 7 00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:28,828 And when you live with women, be happy you can pee outside. 8 00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:30,945 - Okay. - Oh. 9 00:00:31,450 --> 00:00:33,050 We should probably wash our hands first. 10 00:00:33,227 --> 00:00:36,627 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 11 00:00:56,638 --> 00:00:59,074 [MEGAN] Babe, it's five till, coffee's ready. 12 00:01:00,213 --> 00:01:02,085 - Good morning. - Hi, Daddy. 13 00:01:02,110 --> 00:01:03,609 Morning! 14 00:01:04,133 --> 00:01:05,195 Oh, what do we got? 15 00:01:05,220 --> 00:01:06,641 Uh-uh, that's for Hannah's bake sale. 16 00:01:06,665 --> 00:01:07,672 - [GREG] Oh, this looks better... - No, no. 17 00:01:07,696 --> 00:01:09,617 - That's for the tofu chili. - Tofu? 18 00:01:09,642 --> 00:01:10,875 Hannah's vegetarian. 19 00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,062 When did that happen? 20 00:01:12,087 --> 00:01:13,157 - A month ago. - A month ago. 21 00:01:13,181 --> 00:01:16,125 Did you know that pigs are smarter than most three-year-olds? 22 00:01:16,150 --> 00:01:18,319 - Did you know that? - I did not know that. 23 00:01:18,344 --> 00:01:20,507 But then let me ask you this, who's eating who? 24 00:01:20,532 --> 00:01:22,554 Gross! Mom. 25 00:01:22,579 --> 00:01:23,695 He's teasing. 26 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:25,632 Oh, uh, I need to borrow Cruisin' Susan. 27 00:01:25,657 --> 00:01:26,968 My car's still in the shop. 28 00:01:26,993 --> 00:01:28,718 Oh, okay, but I need it back tomorrow, 29 00:01:28,743 --> 00:01:31,976 because... someone has a job interview. 30 00:01:32,001 --> 00:01:34,906 Oh, Hannah's too young to work full-time, we talked about this. 31 00:01:34,931 --> 00:01:36,953 Do you remember my old coordinator, Riley? 32 00:01:36,978 --> 00:01:39,515 Apparently she started her own marketing agency and she... 33 00:01:39,540 --> 00:01:40,687 wants to talk. 34 00:01:40,712 --> 00:01:41,712 - Nice. - Yeah. 35 00:01:41,737 --> 00:01:43,571 - So you're getting serious about this? - I guess. 36 00:01:43,595 --> 00:01:44,595 Should I buy the boat? 37 00:01:44,620 --> 00:01:45,696 [CHUCKLES] Settle down, captain, 38 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,313 I haven't landed the dream job just yet. 39 00:01:47,337 --> 00:01:48,872 What's a dream job? 40 00:01:48,897 --> 00:01:52,539 Uh, dream jobs are like... Like unicorns. 41 00:01:52,564 --> 00:01:55,625 Everyone likes to talk about them, but no one's actually seen one. 42 00:01:55,650 --> 00:01:57,812 I can help you find one, Mom! 43 00:01:57,837 --> 00:01:59,773 Oh, I'm sure you could, honey. 44 00:01:59,798 --> 00:02:01,726 But you know, it's... It's not easy. 45 00:02:01,866 --> 00:02:03,533 Well, don't get discouraged. 46 00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:06,929 We'll hunt you down that unicorn, and make bacon out of him, huh? 47 00:02:06,954 --> 00:02:08,914 - Bye. - [CHUCKLES] Bye. Thanks, baby. 48 00:02:08,939 --> 00:02:10,273 - Bye, guys. - [HANNAH] Bye. 49 00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:11,421 - Have a great day. - Bye. 50 00:02:11,446 --> 00:02:12,500 - Hmm. - Bye. 51 00:02:12,525 --> 00:02:13,953 - Bye. - Oh, keys! 52 00:02:13,978 --> 00:02:14,979 Okay. 53 00:02:15,983 --> 00:02:17,632 Gas tank's empty. 54 00:02:18,086 --> 00:02:19,679 Too bad it doesn't run on key chains. 55 00:02:20,391 --> 00:02:22,109 - Bye, Daddy. - Bye. 56 00:02:22,134 --> 00:02:23,834 - [KIDS] Bye. - Have a good day! 57 00:02:28,675 --> 00:02:30,336 - Here? - Yeah. A little more, a little more. 58 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:31,508 - Okay, there? Okay. - Yeah, great. 59 00:02:31,532 --> 00:02:33,492 [FAKE LAUGHTER] 60 00:02:33,517 --> 00:02:34,571 Okay, what's happening now? 61 00:02:34,595 --> 00:02:37,289 Uh, she's offering him a, uh, mint. 62 00:02:37,314 --> 00:02:39,483 [JERRY] Oh. A mint, that's a terrible sign. 63 00:02:39,508 --> 00:02:41,398 In HR terms, it's a firing. 64 00:02:41,423 --> 00:02:42,424 - What? - She was planning on him 65 00:02:42,448 --> 00:02:43,769 having dry-mouth. Mint. 66 00:02:43,806 --> 00:02:44,940 - Mint. Mint. - Oh. 67 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:45,966 I don't know. I mean he's got 68 00:02:45,990 --> 00:02:47,363 - horrible breath. - Well, he does. 69 00:02:47,388 --> 00:02:48,989 - [GREG] I can smell it in the hallway. - [JERRY] Mmm. 70 00:02:49,013 --> 00:02:51,629 [GREG] His breath smells like a dumpster behind a poke place. 71 00:02:51,654 --> 00:02:52,989 Do you wanna go there for lunch? 72 00:02:53,014 --> 00:02:54,918 - No. - Trade with me, I wanna see. 73 00:02:54,943 --> 00:02:56,262 - I can't trade, they'll see us. - Please, come on, 74 00:02:56,286 --> 00:02:57,333 just do it. I'm gonna look at those files, 75 00:02:57,357 --> 00:02:58,481 - How are we gonna do this? - I need to see those files. 76 00:02:58,505 --> 00:03:00,105 - Oh, look at these files. - Thank you. 77 00:03:00,130 --> 00:03:01,958 - Look at these files, Jerry. - Okay, okay, okay. 78 00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,230 She just folded her arms. 79 00:03:03,255 --> 00:03:04,833 - [GREG] That's... Yeah. - Oh, very stern. 80 00:03:04,857 --> 00:03:06,510 I'm gonna guess that he embezzled 81 00:03:06,535 --> 00:03:08,207 massive amounts of money from the company. 82 00:03:08,232 --> 00:03:10,777 - No! Martin? He's not a thief. - Mmm-hmm. Mmm. 83 00:03:10,802 --> 00:03:12,864 [GREG] Martin once yelled at me for using a water cup 84 00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:14,823 to get soda at a fast-food place. 85 00:03:14,848 --> 00:03:15,988 You do that? 86 00:03:16,013 --> 00:03:18,066 I... I bet they're having an affair. 87 00:03:18,091 --> 00:03:19,224 He's dumping her. 88 00:03:19,249 --> 00:03:21,136 Martin? Ew. I don't... 89 00:03:21,161 --> 00:03:23,066 [GREG] Or maybe she's dumping him 'cause of his breath! 90 00:03:23,090 --> 00:03:24,856 [JERRY] Okay, well, she just pulled out a tissue. 91 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,899 She's blowing her nose! Hey. It is an affair! 92 00:03:27,924 --> 00:03:29,606 - She's crying. It's a breakup. - Good on you, Greg. 93 00:03:29,630 --> 00:03:31,004 Actually, no. False alarm. 94 00:03:31,029 --> 00:03:32,872 Sorry, she's not crying. She's just blowing her nose. 95 00:03:32,896 --> 00:03:35,268 - I think she has a cold. - Oh! I shook her hand earlier! 96 00:03:35,293 --> 00:03:36,705 Oh, go wash. Go wash. 97 00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:37,908 - Okay. - [CELL PHONE RINGING] 98 00:03:37,933 --> 00:03:39,901 - Go, go, go. - Okay. Okay. 99 00:03:42,476 --> 00:03:45,346 Hey. My boss is in a weird HR meeting 100 00:03:45,371 --> 00:03:46,955 behind closed doors. 101 00:03:46,980 --> 00:03:48,760 Jerry thinks he embezzled money. 102 00:03:48,785 --> 00:03:50,080 I'm going with an affair. 103 00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:52,033 Okay, good, so you're doing nothing. 104 00:03:52,058 --> 00:03:54,010 Uh, listen, I just got a text from Riley. 105 00:03:54,035 --> 00:03:56,963 She has to meet me at 4:00 p.m. this afternoon and can't move it. 106 00:03:56,988 --> 00:03:59,244 Can you come tag me out early and bring the car? 107 00:03:59,269 --> 00:04:02,471 Uh, I mean I suppose I could skip my goat yoga class. 108 00:04:02,496 --> 00:04:04,939 "Goat yoga"? Okay, great, I'll see you at 3:30. 109 00:04:04,964 --> 00:04:06,466 - Thank you. - [GREG] Okay. 110 00:04:06,491 --> 00:04:07,557 What'd I miss? 111 00:04:07,582 --> 00:04:10,619 Well, you forgot to indent here, and then the double spacing's off. 112 00:04:10,644 --> 00:04:12,944 Why're you proofreading me? What's going on in the office? 113 00:04:12,969 --> 00:04:14,549 We're still on the clock. 114 00:04:14,574 --> 00:04:16,236 All right, listen. I need all your crayons 115 00:04:16,261 --> 00:04:17,534 picked up and put in the playroom. 116 00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:20,394 Daddy has to start with a clean slate or else he falls apart. 117 00:04:20,419 --> 00:04:21,650 Zack, are... 118 00:04:21,853 --> 00:04:23,588 Why is there water all over the floor? 119 00:04:23,613 --> 00:04:26,149 - I don't know. - Zack spilled his pee. 120 00:04:26,443 --> 00:04:27,821 Are you wearing that? 121 00:04:27,846 --> 00:04:29,614 Spilled from what? 122 00:04:30,158 --> 00:04:31,868 Wait, you don't like this? 123 00:04:33,425 --> 00:04:36,095 I'm done, Greg. It's over. 124 00:04:36,269 --> 00:04:38,860 Your marriage? Makes sense. 125 00:04:38,992 --> 00:04:40,423 - What? - What? 126 00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:42,337 No, the ad industry. 127 00:04:42,385 --> 00:04:43,696 It's finished. 128 00:04:43,721 --> 00:04:46,321 Television, radio? 129 00:04:46,346 --> 00:04:49,524 They're like dinosaurs eating stale popcorn 130 00:04:49,549 --> 00:04:51,072 - in a movie theater with only - [CELL PHONE CHIMES] 131 00:04:51,096 --> 00:04:53,204 - perverts left in it. - _ 132 00:04:53,229 --> 00:04:55,821 Greg, it's okay. We had a good run. 133 00:04:55,846 --> 00:04:58,227 - Huh? A fine run. - _ 134 00:04:58,252 --> 00:05:01,360 [STAMMERS] Wait, are you... Are you firing me? 135 00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:04,376 No, I quit. I'm firing myself. 136 00:05:04,401 --> 00:05:06,876 So... So what's going... What's gonna happen to me? 137 00:05:06,901 --> 00:05:09,126 - _ - It's okay, I've heard "restructuring." 138 00:05:09,151 --> 00:05:10,852 I... I've heard "downsizing." 139 00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:14,516 Downsizing means firing! It's a polite word for "firing"! 140 00:05:14,541 --> 00:05:15,821 You're gonna do fine. 141 00:05:15,846 --> 00:05:18,454 Probably work here for a little while longer, get bored. 142 00:05:18,479 --> 00:05:19,509 Quit, yourself! 143 00:05:19,534 --> 00:05:21,470 - Quit, myself? I... - Greg. 144 00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:24,688 You're a... You're a good salesman. 145 00:05:24,713 --> 00:05:26,415 Go out and sell yourself. 146 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,602 I mean not in that way, but, you know. 147 00:05:28,641 --> 00:05:30,954 No, Martin, I can't switch careers right now. 148 00:05:30,979 --> 00:05:32,977 I'm comfortable here. [STAMMERS] 149 00:05:33,002 --> 00:05:35,009 I mean, I'm down to a three-suit rotation. 150 00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:39,332 Oh, let me tell you a story about a little boy and his first suit. 151 00:05:39,357 --> 00:05:41,183 - It was Christmas morning. - [SIGHS] 152 00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:43,176 Little boy was eight years old. 153 00:05:43,201 --> 00:05:45,879 He woke up, ran down the stairs, 154 00:05:45,904 --> 00:05:47,089 - _ - and right there... 155 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,254 - _ - Underneath the tree is this box, 156 00:05:49,279 --> 00:05:50,621 - _ - beautiful box. 157 00:05:50,646 --> 00:05:53,121 The box was almost as nice as the suit. 158 00:05:56,261 --> 00:05:59,808 Okay. I'll be right over there where you can see me, okay? 159 00:05:59,833 --> 00:06:01,722 Daddy will be here in five minutes. 160 00:06:01,747 --> 00:06:03,097 Just get me through this and... 161 00:06:03,122 --> 00:06:04,642 And we'll get your ears pierced. Okay? 162 00:06:08,027 --> 00:06:09,597 [DEEP BREATH] 163 00:06:09,622 --> 00:06:12,910 - Hi! - Oh, my God. Hi. 164 00:06:12,935 --> 00:06:14,652 Wow! You look great! 165 00:06:14,677 --> 00:06:15,886 - Really? - Yes. 166 00:06:15,911 --> 00:06:17,652 Oh, my God! I've been so super stressed, 167 00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:19,972 I had to do a fasting retreat in Bali. 168 00:06:19,997 --> 00:06:21,270 But now I'm back to my college weight, 169 00:06:21,294 --> 00:06:23,504 - so I feel really good about it. - Okay. [CHUCKLES] 170 00:06:23,529 --> 00:06:24,597 I have missed you. 171 00:06:24,622 --> 00:06:26,582 Ditto! How are you? 172 00:06:26,607 --> 00:06:29,941 Sexy MILF! Catch me up. What do you have, like, five kids? 173 00:06:29,966 --> 00:06:32,005 Oh, gosh, no. No, I just have two. 174 00:06:32,030 --> 00:06:33,275 A five-year-old, and a three-year-old. 175 00:06:33,299 --> 00:06:36,230 Wow. Ooh, how's that going? 176 00:06:36,255 --> 00:06:38,644 [STAMMERS] You know, honestly, it's been great. 177 00:06:38,669 --> 00:06:39,886 But you know, after six years 178 00:06:39,911 --> 00:06:42,988 I am ready to get back out there for sure. 179 00:06:43,422 --> 00:06:45,285 I... I just can't imagine. 180 00:06:45,310 --> 00:06:47,846 I fostered a dog last year, and I had to give it back. 181 00:06:47,871 --> 00:06:49,652 It was like, way too time-consuming! 182 00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,925 - [LAUGHS] - That's... That's really hard. 183 00:06:51,950 --> 00:06:54,231 - [RILEY] I know and it's only a dog! - Hey, look at you, guys! 184 00:06:54,255 --> 00:06:58,199 Ugh, so sorry. Never own a company. 185 00:06:58,224 --> 00:07:00,300 I'm literally putting out fires all day. 186 00:07:00,325 --> 00:07:02,183 Yeah, that sounds just horrible. 187 00:07:02,208 --> 00:07:03,848 What're you guys doing? I'm glad I got here 188 00:07:03,872 --> 00:07:06,379 before Child Services came and took you. 189 00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:08,035 Let's see how Mommy's doing. 190 00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,129 [RILEY] Okay, here we go. 191 00:07:10,154 --> 00:07:13,433 I hate to be "that person" but I have another drinks meeting at 5:00, 192 00:07:13,458 --> 00:07:14,567 so we need to get right to it. 193 00:07:14,591 --> 00:07:15,957 Okay, great. Let's do it. 194 00:07:15,982 --> 00:07:17,183 [GREG] Oh, here we go. 195 00:07:17,208 --> 00:07:20,543 Look at Mommy about to get all big business up in here. 196 00:07:20,568 --> 00:07:22,449 [HANNAH] Zack's pooping. 197 00:07:22,474 --> 00:07:24,550 No, he's not. Zack's a big boy. 198 00:07:24,575 --> 00:07:26,191 He knows when to ask for the potty. 199 00:07:26,216 --> 00:07:29,254 Ruby Kite is expanding and I need to bring on more talent. 200 00:07:29,279 --> 00:07:30,394 - Oh. - People I know. 201 00:07:30,419 --> 00:07:32,352 You know, people I can trust. 202 00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:34,754 He's making the face! 203 00:07:35,082 --> 00:07:36,418 I pooped! 204 00:07:36,443 --> 00:07:37,527 - You pooped? - Yeah. 205 00:07:37,552 --> 00:07:39,988 Oh, that's okay. He pooped. That's all right. 206 00:07:40,297 --> 00:07:44,065 Oh! Ugh! Oh, God. Big blowout! 207 00:07:45,442 --> 00:07:46,520 We're gonna get through this. 208 00:07:46,544 --> 00:07:48,808 - Ugh. Blowout. - Don't touch it! 209 00:07:48,833 --> 00:07:50,800 I don't want to, but I have to! 210 00:07:51,035 --> 00:07:53,129 Oh! [GRUNTING AND GROANING] 211 00:07:53,154 --> 00:07:54,707 Hannah, use the paper towel! 212 00:07:54,732 --> 00:07:57,457 Okay. The smell is horrible! 213 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,582 We're about to sign on this amazing new client, 214 00:07:59,607 --> 00:08:02,027 and my creative team is too thin. 215 00:08:02,052 --> 00:08:03,590 You know, frankly they're just too green. 216 00:08:03,614 --> 00:08:07,074 Listen, I... I'm flattered that you would even consider me. 217 00:08:07,099 --> 00:08:09,059 - Maybe in the fall, I could come on... - I needed someone yesterday. 218 00:08:09,083 --> 00:08:10,883 - Oh. Yesterday. - Yeah. 219 00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:13,144 More paper towels, Hannah! More paper towels. 220 00:08:13,169 --> 00:08:14,738 - Ah, just wave here. - [SPUTTERING] 221 00:08:14,763 --> 00:08:15,789 [BEEPING] 222 00:08:15,814 --> 00:08:17,394 None of these motion sensors work! 223 00:08:17,419 --> 00:08:19,220 Who invented these things? 224 00:08:19,245 --> 00:08:22,269 I'm giving you the motion! I'm giving you the soap motion! 225 00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,027 That man didn't wash his hands! 226 00:08:24,052 --> 00:08:25,629 That man knows what he's doing. 227 00:08:25,654 --> 00:08:28,472 This is really weird to be offering you a job. 228 00:08:28,497 --> 00:08:30,316 - I know. - But... you know. 229 00:08:30,341 --> 00:08:31,348 You know, just offer away... 230 00:08:31,372 --> 00:08:34,168 Yeah, you know. I'm just gonna write down something. 231 00:08:34,193 --> 00:08:35,694 - Okay. - You tell me what you think. 232 00:08:35,719 --> 00:08:36,894 - Okay. - Here we go. 233 00:08:36,919 --> 00:08:39,136 And three, two... 234 00:08:39,802 --> 00:08:43,863 Oh! [CHUCKLES] That's... That's a one... year... 235 00:08:43,888 --> 00:08:45,175 Oh, yeah. That's starting. 236 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,738 - That's starting. - Yeah. 237 00:08:48,093 --> 00:08:49,504 Come on, Megs. 238 00:08:49,813 --> 00:08:53,322 Oh, God! I forgot the diaper bag! 239 00:08:53,347 --> 00:08:56,886 I can change that eight to a nine, if you say yes now. 240 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,339 That makes it more difficult to say no... 241 00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:01,247 - [CHUCKLES] I'll tell you that much. - [RILEY] Uh-huh, uh-huh... 242 00:09:01,271 --> 00:09:02,271 Um, that's a nice... 243 00:09:02,296 --> 00:09:04,199 - I like that nu... Oh. Um... - So... 244 00:09:04,224 --> 00:09:05,659 Let's collect our things. 245 00:09:11,216 --> 00:09:12,216 "Yes"? 246 00:09:12,241 --> 00:09:17,293 I need to just take a quick... minute. 247 00:09:20,097 --> 00:09:22,941 Okay, I'll just... Give me one... I'm gonna take this with me. 248 00:09:22,966 --> 00:09:24,075 - Don't take too long. - [MEGAN] Yeah, no, no. 249 00:09:24,099 --> 00:09:25,957 - I'll be right back. - Ugh... 250 00:09:26,925 --> 00:09:28,495 Hi, guys. 251 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,097 Daddy smells! 252 00:09:30,122 --> 00:09:31,464 Yeah. 253 00:09:32,261 --> 00:09:34,910 How's it going, Daddy, you okay? You cool? 254 00:09:34,935 --> 00:09:36,511 [DEEP BREATH] 255 00:09:36,536 --> 00:09:37,543 I've been better. 256 00:09:37,568 --> 00:09:39,707 [MEGAN] Yeah. That looked pretty bad. 257 00:09:40,504 --> 00:09:44,072 Well, I have some interesting news. 258 00:09:44,097 --> 00:09:46,699 They're never gonna let us in there again? 259 00:09:47,035 --> 00:09:50,652 Apparently, unicorns do exist. 260 00:09:54,672 --> 00:09:56,972 - That... That's amazing. - I know. 261 00:09:57,117 --> 00:09:58,386 - Is this real? - Yeah. 262 00:09:59,455 --> 00:10:01,418 I know... Ooh! Ooh! 263 00:10:01,443 --> 00:10:03,738 - Well... You, you... - No! No, don't... 264 00:10:03,763 --> 00:10:05,925 - Okay. - [BOTH LAUGHING] 265 00:10:05,950 --> 00:10:06,973 We could afford dry-cleaning! 266 00:10:06,997 --> 00:10:09,277 [LAUGHS] 267 00:10:10,447 --> 00:10:11,780 Yeah. 268 00:10:18,338 --> 00:10:19,739 What about the kids? 269 00:10:21,558 --> 00:10:22,651 [SIGHS] 270 00:10:22,676 --> 00:10:23,976 [ZACK] I pooped. 271 00:10:26,770 --> 00:10:30,170 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 20083

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