Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,910 --> 00:00:07,265
[GREG] Here's the thing, son.
2
00:00:08,368 --> 00:00:10,039
When you come to a closed door in life
3
00:00:10,064 --> 00:00:11,617
and there's nowhere else to go,
4
00:00:12,087 --> 00:00:14,156
you can either stand there and wait...
5
00:00:14,820 --> 00:00:17,007
or take matters into your own hands.
6
00:00:18,804 --> 00:00:20,992
[BOTH URINATING]
7
00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:28,828
And when you live with women,
be happy you can pee outside.
8
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:30,945
- Okay.
- Oh.
9
00:00:31,450 --> 00:00:33,050
We should probably wash our hands first.
10
00:00:33,227 --> 00:00:36,627
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
11
00:00:56,638 --> 00:00:59,074
[MEGAN] Babe, it's five till,
coffee's ready.
12
00:01:00,213 --> 00:01:02,085
- Good morning.
- Hi, Daddy.
13
00:01:02,110 --> 00:01:03,609
Morning!
14
00:01:04,133 --> 00:01:05,195
Oh, what do we got?
15
00:01:05,220 --> 00:01:06,641
Uh-uh, that's for Hannah's bake sale.
16
00:01:06,665 --> 00:01:07,672
- [GREG] Oh, this looks better...
- No, no.
17
00:01:07,696 --> 00:01:09,617
- That's for the tofu chili.
- Tofu?
18
00:01:09,642 --> 00:01:10,875
Hannah's vegetarian.
19
00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,062
When did that happen?
20
00:01:12,087 --> 00:01:13,157
- A month ago.
- A month ago.
21
00:01:13,181 --> 00:01:16,125
Did you know that pigs are
smarter than most three-year-olds?
22
00:01:16,150 --> 00:01:18,319
- Did you know that?
- I did not know that.
23
00:01:18,344 --> 00:01:20,507
But then let me ask you this,
who's eating who?
24
00:01:20,532 --> 00:01:22,554
Gross! Mom.
25
00:01:22,579 --> 00:01:23,695
He's teasing.
26
00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:25,632
Oh, uh, I need to borrow Cruisin' Susan.
27
00:01:25,657 --> 00:01:26,968
My car's still in the shop.
28
00:01:26,993 --> 00:01:28,718
Oh, okay, but I need it back tomorrow,
29
00:01:28,743 --> 00:01:31,976
because... someone has a job interview.
30
00:01:32,001 --> 00:01:34,906
Oh, Hannah's too young to work
full-time, we talked about this.
31
00:01:34,931 --> 00:01:36,953
Do you remember
my old coordinator, Riley?
32
00:01:36,978 --> 00:01:39,515
Apparently she started her own
marketing agency and she...
33
00:01:39,540 --> 00:01:40,687
wants to talk.
34
00:01:40,712 --> 00:01:41,712
- Nice.
- Yeah.
35
00:01:41,737 --> 00:01:43,571
- So you're getting serious about this?
- I guess.
36
00:01:43,595 --> 00:01:44,595
Should I buy the boat?
37
00:01:44,620 --> 00:01:45,696
[CHUCKLES] Settle down, captain,
38
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,313
I haven't landed the dream job just yet.
39
00:01:47,337 --> 00:01:48,872
What's a dream job?
40
00:01:48,897 --> 00:01:52,539
Uh, dream jobs are like...
Like unicorns.
41
00:01:52,564 --> 00:01:55,625
Everyone likes to talk about them,
but no one's actually seen one.
42
00:01:55,650 --> 00:01:57,812
I can help you find one, Mom!
43
00:01:57,837 --> 00:01:59,773
Oh, I'm sure you could, honey.
44
00:01:59,798 --> 00:02:01,726
But you know, it's... It's not easy.
45
00:02:01,866 --> 00:02:03,533
Well, don't get discouraged.
46
00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:06,929
We'll hunt you down that unicorn,
and make bacon out of him, huh?
47
00:02:06,954 --> 00:02:08,914
- Bye.
- [CHUCKLES] Bye. Thanks, baby.
48
00:02:08,939 --> 00:02:10,273
- Bye, guys.
- [HANNAH] Bye.
49
00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:11,421
- Have a great day.
- Bye.
50
00:02:11,446 --> 00:02:12,500
- Hmm.
- Bye.
51
00:02:12,525 --> 00:02:13,953
- Bye.
- Oh, keys!
52
00:02:13,978 --> 00:02:14,979
Okay.
53
00:02:15,983 --> 00:02:17,632
Gas tank's empty.
54
00:02:18,086 --> 00:02:19,679
Too bad it doesn't run on key chains.
55
00:02:20,391 --> 00:02:22,109
- Bye, Daddy.
- Bye.
56
00:02:22,134 --> 00:02:23,834
- [KIDS] Bye.
- Have a good day!
57
00:02:28,675 --> 00:02:30,336
- Here?
- Yeah. A little more, a little more.
58
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:31,508
- Okay, there? Okay.
- Yeah, great.
59
00:02:31,532 --> 00:02:33,492
[FAKE LAUGHTER]
60
00:02:33,517 --> 00:02:34,571
Okay, what's happening now?
61
00:02:34,595 --> 00:02:37,289
Uh, she's offering him a, uh, mint.
62
00:02:37,314 --> 00:02:39,483
[JERRY] Oh.
A mint, that's a terrible sign.
63
00:02:39,508 --> 00:02:41,398
In HR terms, it's a firing.
64
00:02:41,423 --> 00:02:42,424
- What?
- She was planning on him
65
00:02:42,448 --> 00:02:43,769
having dry-mouth. Mint.
66
00:02:43,806 --> 00:02:44,940
- Mint. Mint.
- Oh.
67
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:45,966
I don't know. I mean he's got
68
00:02:45,990 --> 00:02:47,363
- horrible breath.
- Well, he does.
69
00:02:47,388 --> 00:02:48,989
- [GREG] I can smell it in the hallway.
- [JERRY] Mmm.
70
00:02:49,013 --> 00:02:51,629
[GREG] His breath smells like
a dumpster behind a poke place.
71
00:02:51,654 --> 00:02:52,989
Do you wanna go there for lunch?
72
00:02:53,014 --> 00:02:54,918
- No.
- Trade with me, I wanna see.
73
00:02:54,943 --> 00:02:56,262
- I can't trade, they'll see us.
- Please, come on,
74
00:02:56,286 --> 00:02:57,333
just do it.
I'm gonna look at those files,
75
00:02:57,357 --> 00:02:58,481
- How are we gonna do this?
- I need to see those files.
76
00:02:58,505 --> 00:03:00,105
- Oh, look at these files.
- Thank you.
77
00:03:00,130 --> 00:03:01,958
- Look at these files, Jerry.
- Okay, okay, okay.
78
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,230
She just folded her arms.
79
00:03:03,255 --> 00:03:04,833
- [GREG] That's... Yeah.
- Oh, very stern.
80
00:03:04,857 --> 00:03:06,510
I'm gonna guess that he embezzled
81
00:03:06,535 --> 00:03:08,207
massive amounts of
money from the company.
82
00:03:08,232 --> 00:03:10,777
- No! Martin? He's not a thief.
- Mmm-hmm. Mmm.
83
00:03:10,802 --> 00:03:12,864
[GREG] Martin once yelled
at me for using a water cup
84
00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:14,823
to get soda at a fast-food place.
85
00:03:14,848 --> 00:03:15,988
You do that?
86
00:03:16,013 --> 00:03:18,066
I... I bet they're having an affair.
87
00:03:18,091 --> 00:03:19,224
He's dumping her.
88
00:03:19,249 --> 00:03:21,136
Martin? Ew. I don't...
89
00:03:21,161 --> 00:03:23,066
[GREG] Or maybe she's dumping him
'cause of his breath!
90
00:03:23,090 --> 00:03:24,856
[JERRY] Okay, well,
she just pulled out a tissue.
91
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,899
She's blowing her nose!
Hey. It is an affair!
92
00:03:27,924 --> 00:03:29,606
- She's crying. It's a breakup.
- Good on you, Greg.
93
00:03:29,630 --> 00:03:31,004
Actually, no. False alarm.
94
00:03:31,029 --> 00:03:32,872
Sorry, she's not crying.
She's just blowing her nose.
95
00:03:32,896 --> 00:03:35,268
- I think she has a cold.
- Oh! I shook her hand earlier!
96
00:03:35,293 --> 00:03:36,705
Oh, go wash. Go wash.
97
00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:37,908
- Okay.
- [CELL PHONE RINGING]
98
00:03:37,933 --> 00:03:39,901
- Go, go, go.
- Okay. Okay.
99
00:03:42,476 --> 00:03:45,346
Hey. My boss is in a weird HR meeting
100
00:03:45,371 --> 00:03:46,955
behind closed doors.
101
00:03:46,980 --> 00:03:48,760
Jerry thinks he embezzled money.
102
00:03:48,785 --> 00:03:50,080
I'm going with an affair.
103
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:52,033
Okay, good, so you're doing nothing.
104
00:03:52,058 --> 00:03:54,010
Uh, listen,
I just got a text from Riley.
105
00:03:54,035 --> 00:03:56,963
She has to meet me at 4:00 p.m.
this afternoon and can't move it.
106
00:03:56,988 --> 00:03:59,244
Can you come tag me out
early and bring the car?
107
00:03:59,269 --> 00:04:02,471
Uh, I mean I suppose I could
skip my goat yoga class.
108
00:04:02,496 --> 00:04:04,939
"Goat yoga"?
Okay, great, I'll see you at 3:30.
109
00:04:04,964 --> 00:04:06,466
- Thank you.
- [GREG] Okay.
110
00:04:06,491 --> 00:04:07,557
What'd I miss?
111
00:04:07,582 --> 00:04:10,619
Well, you forgot to indent here,
and then the double spacing's off.
112
00:04:10,644 --> 00:04:12,944
Why're you proofreading me?
What's going on in the office?
113
00:04:12,969 --> 00:04:14,549
We're still on the clock.
114
00:04:14,574 --> 00:04:16,236
All right, listen.
I need all your crayons
115
00:04:16,261 --> 00:04:17,534
picked up and put in the playroom.
116
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:20,394
Daddy has to start with a clean
slate or else he falls apart.
117
00:04:20,419 --> 00:04:21,650
Zack, are...
118
00:04:21,853 --> 00:04:23,588
Why is there water all over the floor?
119
00:04:23,613 --> 00:04:26,149
- I don't know.
- Zack spilled his pee.
120
00:04:26,443 --> 00:04:27,821
Are you wearing that?
121
00:04:27,846 --> 00:04:29,614
Spilled from what?
122
00:04:30,158 --> 00:04:31,868
Wait, you don't like this?
123
00:04:33,425 --> 00:04:36,095
I'm done, Greg. It's over.
124
00:04:36,269 --> 00:04:38,860
Your marriage? Makes sense.
125
00:04:38,992 --> 00:04:40,423
- What?
- What?
126
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:42,337
No, the ad industry.
127
00:04:42,385 --> 00:04:43,696
It's finished.
128
00:04:43,721 --> 00:04:46,321
Television, radio?
129
00:04:46,346 --> 00:04:49,524
They're like dinosaurs
eating stale popcorn
130
00:04:49,549 --> 00:04:51,072
- in a movie theater with only
- [CELL PHONE CHIMES]
131
00:04:51,096 --> 00:04:53,204
- perverts left in it.
- _
132
00:04:53,229 --> 00:04:55,821
Greg, it's okay. We had a good run.
133
00:04:55,846 --> 00:04:58,227
- Huh? A fine run.
- _
134
00:04:58,252 --> 00:05:01,360
[STAMMERS] Wait, are you...
Are you firing me?
135
00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:04,376
No, I quit. I'm firing myself.
136
00:05:04,401 --> 00:05:06,876
So... So what's going...
What's gonna happen to me?
137
00:05:06,901 --> 00:05:09,126
- _
- It's okay, I've heard "restructuring."
138
00:05:09,151 --> 00:05:10,852
I... I've heard "downsizing."
139
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:14,516
Downsizing means firing!
It's a polite word for "firing"!
140
00:05:14,541 --> 00:05:15,821
You're gonna do fine.
141
00:05:15,846 --> 00:05:18,454
Probably work here for a
little while longer, get bored.
142
00:05:18,479 --> 00:05:19,509
Quit, yourself!
143
00:05:19,534 --> 00:05:21,470
- Quit, myself? I...
- Greg.
144
00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:24,688
You're a... You're a good salesman.
145
00:05:24,713 --> 00:05:26,415
Go out and sell yourself.
146
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,602
I mean not in that way, but, you know.
147
00:05:28,641 --> 00:05:30,954
No, Martin,
I can't switch careers right now.
148
00:05:30,979 --> 00:05:32,977
I'm comfortable here. [STAMMERS]
149
00:05:33,002 --> 00:05:35,009
I mean, I'm down to a
three-suit rotation.
150
00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:39,332
Oh, let me tell you a story about
a little boy and his first suit.
151
00:05:39,357 --> 00:05:41,183
- It was Christmas morning.
- [SIGHS]
152
00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:43,176
Little boy was eight years old.
153
00:05:43,201 --> 00:05:45,879
He woke up, ran down the stairs,
154
00:05:45,904 --> 00:05:47,089
- _
- and right there...
155
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,254
- _
- Underneath the tree is this box,
156
00:05:49,279 --> 00:05:50,621
- _
- beautiful box.
157
00:05:50,646 --> 00:05:53,121
The box was almost as nice as the suit.
158
00:05:56,261 --> 00:05:59,808
Okay. I'll be right over there
where you can see me, okay?
159
00:05:59,833 --> 00:06:01,722
Daddy will be here in five minutes.
160
00:06:01,747 --> 00:06:03,097
Just get me through this and...
161
00:06:03,122 --> 00:06:04,642
And we'll get your ears pierced. Okay?
162
00:06:08,027 --> 00:06:09,597
[DEEP BREATH]
163
00:06:09,622 --> 00:06:12,910
- Hi!
- Oh, my God. Hi.
164
00:06:12,935 --> 00:06:14,652
Wow! You look great!
165
00:06:14,677 --> 00:06:15,886
- Really?
- Yes.
166
00:06:15,911 --> 00:06:17,652
Oh, my God! I've been so super stressed,
167
00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:19,972
I had to do a fasting retreat in Bali.
168
00:06:19,997 --> 00:06:21,270
But now I'm back to my college weight,
169
00:06:21,294 --> 00:06:23,504
- so I feel really good about it.
- Okay. [CHUCKLES]
170
00:06:23,529 --> 00:06:24,597
I have missed you.
171
00:06:24,622 --> 00:06:26,582
Ditto! How are you?
172
00:06:26,607 --> 00:06:29,941
Sexy MILF! Catch me up.
What do you have, like, five kids?
173
00:06:29,966 --> 00:06:32,005
Oh, gosh, no. No, I just have two.
174
00:06:32,030 --> 00:06:33,275
A five-year-old, and a three-year-old.
175
00:06:33,299 --> 00:06:36,230
Wow. Ooh, how's that going?
176
00:06:36,255 --> 00:06:38,644
[STAMMERS] You know,
honestly, it's been great.
177
00:06:38,669 --> 00:06:39,886
But you know, after six years
178
00:06:39,911 --> 00:06:42,988
I am ready to get
back out there for sure.
179
00:06:43,422 --> 00:06:45,285
I... I just can't imagine.
180
00:06:45,310 --> 00:06:47,846
I fostered a dog last year,
and I had to give it back.
181
00:06:47,871 --> 00:06:49,652
It was like, way too time-consuming!
182
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,925
- [LAUGHS]
- That's... That's really hard.
183
00:06:51,950 --> 00:06:54,231
- [RILEY] I know and it's only a dog!
- Hey, look at you, guys!
184
00:06:54,255 --> 00:06:58,199
Ugh, so sorry. Never own a company.
185
00:06:58,224 --> 00:07:00,300
I'm literally putting out fires all day.
186
00:07:00,325 --> 00:07:02,183
Yeah, that sounds just horrible.
187
00:07:02,208 --> 00:07:03,848
What're you guys doing?
I'm glad I got here
188
00:07:03,872 --> 00:07:06,379
before Child Services came and took you.
189
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:08,035
Let's see how Mommy's doing.
190
00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,129
[RILEY] Okay, here we go.
191
00:07:10,154 --> 00:07:13,433
I hate to be "that person" but I
have another drinks meeting at 5:00,
192
00:07:13,458 --> 00:07:14,567
so we need to get right to it.
193
00:07:14,591 --> 00:07:15,957
Okay, great. Let's do it.
194
00:07:15,982 --> 00:07:17,183
[GREG] Oh, here we go.
195
00:07:17,208 --> 00:07:20,543
Look at Mommy about to get
all big business up in here.
196
00:07:20,568 --> 00:07:22,449
[HANNAH] Zack's pooping.
197
00:07:22,474 --> 00:07:24,550
No, he's not. Zack's a big boy.
198
00:07:24,575 --> 00:07:26,191
He knows when to ask for the potty.
199
00:07:26,216 --> 00:07:29,254
Ruby Kite is expanding and I
need to bring on more talent.
200
00:07:29,279 --> 00:07:30,394
- Oh.
- People I know.
201
00:07:30,419 --> 00:07:32,352
You know, people I can trust.
202
00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:34,754
He's making the face!
203
00:07:35,082 --> 00:07:36,418
I pooped!
204
00:07:36,443 --> 00:07:37,527
- You pooped?
- Yeah.
205
00:07:37,552 --> 00:07:39,988
Oh, that's okay. He pooped.
That's all right.
206
00:07:40,297 --> 00:07:44,065
Oh! Ugh! Oh, God. Big blowout!
207
00:07:45,442 --> 00:07:46,520
We're gonna get through this.
208
00:07:46,544 --> 00:07:48,808
- Ugh. Blowout.
- Don't touch it!
209
00:07:48,833 --> 00:07:50,800
I don't want to, but I have to!
210
00:07:51,035 --> 00:07:53,129
Oh! [GRUNTING AND GROANING]
211
00:07:53,154 --> 00:07:54,707
Hannah, use the paper towel!
212
00:07:54,732 --> 00:07:57,457
Okay. The smell is horrible!
213
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,582
We're about to sign on
this amazing new client,
214
00:07:59,607 --> 00:08:02,027
and my creative team is too thin.
215
00:08:02,052 --> 00:08:03,590
You know,
frankly they're just too green.
216
00:08:03,614 --> 00:08:07,074
Listen, I... I'm flattered that
you would even consider me.
217
00:08:07,099 --> 00:08:09,059
- Maybe in the fall, I could come on...
- I needed someone yesterday.
218
00:08:09,083 --> 00:08:10,883
- Oh. Yesterday.
- Yeah.
219
00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:13,144
More paper towels, Hannah!
More paper towels.
220
00:08:13,169 --> 00:08:14,738
- Ah, just wave here.
- [SPUTTERING]
221
00:08:14,763 --> 00:08:15,789
[BEEPING]
222
00:08:15,814 --> 00:08:17,394
None of these motion sensors work!
223
00:08:17,419 --> 00:08:19,220
Who invented these things?
224
00:08:19,245 --> 00:08:22,269
I'm giving you the motion!
I'm giving you the soap motion!
225
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,027
That man didn't wash his hands!
226
00:08:24,052 --> 00:08:25,629
That man knows what he's doing.
227
00:08:25,654 --> 00:08:28,472
This is really weird to
be offering you a job.
228
00:08:28,497 --> 00:08:30,316
- I know.
- But... you know.
229
00:08:30,341 --> 00:08:31,348
You know, just offer away...
230
00:08:31,372 --> 00:08:34,168
Yeah, you know.
I'm just gonna write down something.
231
00:08:34,193 --> 00:08:35,694
- Okay.
- You tell me what you think.
232
00:08:35,719 --> 00:08:36,894
- Okay.
- Here we go.
233
00:08:36,919 --> 00:08:39,136
And three, two...
234
00:08:39,802 --> 00:08:43,863
Oh! [CHUCKLES] That's...
That's a one... year...
235
00:08:43,888 --> 00:08:45,175
Oh, yeah. That's starting.
236
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,738
- That's starting.
- Yeah.
237
00:08:48,093 --> 00:08:49,504
Come on, Megs.
238
00:08:49,813 --> 00:08:53,322
Oh, God! I forgot the diaper bag!
239
00:08:53,347 --> 00:08:56,886
I can change that eight to a nine,
if you say yes now.
240
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,339
That makes it more
difficult to say no...
241
00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:01,247
- [CHUCKLES] I'll tell you that much.
- [RILEY] Uh-huh, uh-huh...
242
00:09:01,271 --> 00:09:02,271
Um, that's a nice...
243
00:09:02,296 --> 00:09:04,199
- I like that nu... Oh. Um...
- So...
244
00:09:04,224 --> 00:09:05,659
Let's collect our things.
245
00:09:11,216 --> 00:09:12,216
"Yes"?
246
00:09:12,241 --> 00:09:17,293
I need to just take a quick... minute.
247
00:09:20,097 --> 00:09:22,941
Okay, I'll just... Give me one...
I'm gonna take this with me.
248
00:09:22,966 --> 00:09:24,075
- Don't take too long.
- [MEGAN] Yeah, no, no.
249
00:09:24,099 --> 00:09:25,957
- I'll be right back.
- Ugh...
250
00:09:26,925 --> 00:09:28,495
Hi, guys.
251
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,097
Daddy smells!
252
00:09:30,122 --> 00:09:31,464
Yeah.
253
00:09:32,261 --> 00:09:34,910
How's it going, Daddy, you okay?
You cool?
254
00:09:34,935 --> 00:09:36,511
[DEEP BREATH]
255
00:09:36,536 --> 00:09:37,543
I've been better.
256
00:09:37,568 --> 00:09:39,707
[MEGAN] Yeah. That looked pretty bad.
257
00:09:40,504 --> 00:09:44,072
Well, I have some interesting news.
258
00:09:44,097 --> 00:09:46,699
They're never gonna
let us in there again?
259
00:09:47,035 --> 00:09:50,652
Apparently, unicorns do exist.
260
00:09:54,672 --> 00:09:56,972
- That... That's amazing.
- I know.
261
00:09:57,117 --> 00:09:58,386
- Is this real?
- Yeah.
262
00:09:59,455 --> 00:10:01,418
I know... Ooh! Ooh!
263
00:10:01,443 --> 00:10:03,738
- Well... You, you...
- No! No, don't...
264
00:10:03,763 --> 00:10:05,925
- Okay.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
265
00:10:05,950 --> 00:10:06,973
We could afford dry-cleaning!
266
00:10:06,997 --> 00:10:09,277
[LAUGHS]
267
00:10:10,447 --> 00:10:11,780
Yeah.
268
00:10:18,338 --> 00:10:19,739
What about the kids?
269
00:10:21,558 --> 00:10:22,651
[SIGHS]
270
00:10:22,676 --> 00:10:23,976
[ZACK] I pooped.
271
00:10:26,770 --> 00:10:30,170
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
20083
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.