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Join us, Ted.

It's what Laura
would have wanted.

TED: The Great Pyramid of Giza,

also known as
the Great Pyramid of Khufu,

or if we're going
with the Greek, anyone?

Cheops.

Cheops.

But we don't like the name
that the Greek invaders gave it.

So we stick with the Egyptian
there, right?

Now, construction of the tomb

began the day that
they became pharaoh.

What can we learn from that?

Burton.

Uh, that they were kings

and that they wanted to be
comfortable in the afterlife.

Correct.

As usual, Burton.

-Now, remember,

death is not the end

but a brief pause
on our journey.

And don't forget,
your papers are due next week.

Hey, Mr. Daniels.

Um, I had a question
about the assignment.

-Of course, you do.
-Yeah.

Well, I'm really excited
about the first paper.

Uh, but I'm having a tough time

deciding between the judgment
of the dead by Anubis

or if I should use
my page account

on a deep dive
into mummification.

Definitely the first one.
100%.

I agree.

Uh, thanks, Mr. Daniels.

Did you just say,
"Olive tuse?"

I did.

So drink still?

Mm-hm.

Are you pretending to be madder
than you actually are

because you're trying
to prove a point?

No, I'm not mad.

I'm just being principled,
I'm standing my ground.

We have things to talk about.

That's great.

I'm just excited to have a state
of the union with you again.

I missed you.

Good.

Oh, so are you mad?

Are you not mad?

Furious.

We separated because I didn't
feel like you cared about us.

You say that you care,

but you don't take
the serious things seriously.

Where's the fun in that?

You need to show me
something different.

I'm leaving for good.

And you could stay in this
dump town for all I care.

Come on. Two people
with this much chemistry.

Don't just give up because
they had a rough patch.

I am not giving up,

but I need to know
that you value us.

No half in and half out.

You know, I read somewhere

that the most important things
were said three times.

So, I promise. I promise.
I promise...

that we'll fight for us
this time.

Your mother always told me
you're trouble.

See, we're made for each other.

I get us into trouble,
you get us out.

So we're just done talking?

No, I was just
ordering us drinks

while we continue to talk.

Okay then,
I'll have something pineappley.

Okay.

Hello. Can I get a Mai Tai
and a something pineappley?

Howl called me and he said
that you dumped him for him.

Why are you two together?

Crystal, Ted is my husband.

We're going to work it out.

-Cheers, I'm no longer
being estranged.
-Mm. Oh!

Yeah, now it's just strange.

Crystal.

-That's a good one.
- Shut up!

Does Momma know about this?

Well, we never got divorced
so what is there to know?

He was, is and will always be
my husband.

BARTENDER: God damn it, Howl!

How many times do I have
to ban you from my tiki bar?

It's not my fault
people pick fights with me.

-Will you just get the hell out?
-You get the hell out.

It's my bar.

-TED: Oh, great, everyone.
Howl's here too.
-Move over.

-Move.
-I'm not--

-Oh, you shouldn't have.
-It's for Laura.

Really though
you should not have.

And I got something
to say to you too.

Oh, God!

Laura, your family loves me,
and I love them.

Howl, we went on one date
because mother made me.

I count three dates.
Three.

Running into me
at the grocery store

does not count as a date.

Neither does auditing
my photography class.

Why are you doing this?

Because I'm married
and uninterested.

-Why can't you two process this?
-Because Ted's a loser.

Crystal, what have I
ever done to you?

You're a loser.

Laura, I'm not gonna beg.
I'm giving you a chance here.

HOWL: When your mama told me
that you and Ted...

Ted, that will be a great time
to fight for us.

That was my chance
to prove my quality.

And I did.

Uh, him? Fight like, fight him?
Uh, physical with our fists?

Okay, finish your drink.

-Let's do this, Tracy.
-Don't call me that.

I'm gonna fight you, Trace.

I feel like
my face is falling off.

Don't get into a fight
you can't win.

That's what I've been
trying to say this whole time.

Come on, sis.
Get your husband home.

Can't believe
I'm related to you yahoos.

Oh!

So how'd I do
for my first fight?

-Well...
-

It's the thought
that counts, right?

-Okay, okay, okay.

-

Hey, uh, is there
a gas station in town?

Yep.

Okay, thanks.

Thanks.

Ah, right.

-Keep the change.
-Yep.

What is happening?

You mind try...

Oh!

Must have sexted right off.

I feel like we could
go anywhere...

do anything.

We're just sort of here.

We never should have
left Chicago.

You said you needed your family.

No, we did that for you.

You needed a change.

I thought that being near
my family would be good for us.

They're just weirder
than I remember.

Oh, they're just as weird
as I remember.

We can go back, we'll just
find a bag full of cash

and voila,
we're Chicagoians again.

You're stagnating again.

Well, leaving is not
gonna fix anything.

We just got back together.

Maybe. Maybe not.
I just...

At least, we're trying.

You're gonna get your way
either way, aren't you?

-I'll give you a chance.
-Okay.

Let's take us
out of the equation.

Let the Gods decide.

Heads, we leave.
Tails, we stay.

Uh, I thought I was the one
that got us into trouble.

Not anymore.

I have a vision
for who we can be.

I need you to trust me.

And not be half in and half out.

Either you're in,

or you're out.

Flip the coin.

Best two out of three.

You're such a cheater.

Okay, did I say
best two out of three?

-You did.
-It all rides down...

-This is the whole enchilada.
-Okay. This is so much cheating.

You realize that right?

-And the champion of the world
is...
-So much...World champion.

Okay.

What?

What'd you get? What'd you get?
What'd you get? Show me!

I win, I win...

You wanna ride?

Uh, no, I don't take rides
from cheaters.

I'm kidding.
I some papers to grade.

-But lunch?
-Oh, yeah.

-Okay.
-You're buying.

-Bye.
-Bye.

So after Anubis, this guy,
the jackal,

weighs your heart against
the feather of truth. He...

CRYSTAL: He's been doing
the exact same thing for weeks,

Carrying her ashes everywhere
with him like a frickin weirdo.

Something's got to be said.

I'll go settle
this right now.

Get us all banned.

I'll do it.

MOMMA: We have a tradition
in this family.

You're dead daddy's Side
has been here since

before it was a state.

Everyone is at the farm

and that's where Laura
will rest too.

And Ted stole it from us

He's a thief.

I don't think you need
to do with Mama wants.

But I think you need to
take this seriously.

I am taking it seriously.

No, you're not.

How can you say that?

You're stuck somewhere between
dealing with it and not.

Half in, half out, right?

Hey, Ted.

I'm worried about what's
happening to you.

I don't need your worry.

I need Laura.

She's gone, man.

What do you want, huh?

What should I do now?

Okay, you're dead,

and I know that.

I know that it's on, uh

talking to myself.

No, I'm talking to you.

No.

God Grant was right, I'm...

I'm losing it.

What?

HOWL: Crystal, I got 'em.

You tell your mama.

-Meet you at the well.
- Okay.

Hurry up.

BETH: What do you mean
someone stole your sister?

I thought she was dead?

GRANT: I mean, her ashes.

That makes more sense.

Just let me know if
you hear anything.

-Okay Beth?
- Of course, we'll let you know

Look, I know that what
I've been doing

and how I've been behaving
is been not normal.

But, I need some
help here, man.

Where is she?

I think I know.

Come on.

Hey, Grant, uh, I've
been seeing her,

Laura, and I talk to her.

That's not the way
the world works.

Yeah.

Yeah, but it feels real.

You're just sad right now and
under a lot of stress.

Yeah. Yeah, that makes
more sense.

body fail

this mortal vail

Hallelujah

to ease our pain

All again

Hallelujah

That's Laura's

What else do you plan on
stealing from me today?

MOMMA: Stop, both of you.

She's gone.

We've got to do what we need
to do to put her to rest

and move on.

Join us, Ted.

It's what Laura would
have wanted.

I use this to hold letters
Laura sent me when
you were in Chicago.

You got me and your daddy.

God rest his soul's
worst traits

Stubbornness and smarts.

But we loved you.

ALL: Amen.

HOWL: I'm not good at this
sort of thing

No.

ALL: Amen.

We fought last time
we saw each other

I was always hoping
for that moment where

we'd get each other

And we'd be friends again.

Like, when we were kids

-Amen.
-ALL: Amen.

I'm just glad that

we can all be here
together for this

Lord, our savior and protector

has you back
in his loving bosom.

If we're lucky enough

we will be with you soon.

Amen.

Thank you, Percy.

I don't think I'm ready
to say goodbye.

I don't know, how
to handle you...

you actually being gone.

Just doesn't feel right.

I can make it
right this time.

I can get us out of
trouble, I swear.

Amen.

I have to set her free.

She told me Chicago
is the answer.

-Bullshit
-she did.

-When?
-That's it, just now

I saw her, it's
like a vision.

What, like as a ghost?

I mean, you so completely...

Give it to me!

Hey, It's his wife.

Just let him go.

What!

I don't accept
your apology.

You want to know why Because
you're the one that brought him

over here and this
would have happened

if you didn't do that, Grant.

And why are you walking
away from me?

I'm speaking to you.

Listen, calm down.

That is literally
the worst thing

that he could have
ever said to me.

What are you doing here?

I can't swim.

Unbelievable.

Wow.

What now? Huh?

Just let it go, Okay?

The cars. The cars!

I want to report
a stolen car.

You know who stole it?

Radio it in.

He just told you where
he was going.

Don't look at me.

Theft.

Get a stolen Dodge RAM truck.

Color red.

Good amount of rust on it.

Tag number.

How am I supposed to know
the goddamn license plate

to my own truck off
the top of my head?

It's Howl's truck.

Ted stole it.

You still looking
for ashes in?

No.

Well, yes.

We've got to get her back.

Not you.

Yes, Momma.

You got a quarter?

Lighten this place
up a bit, huh?

Yeah.

Coming, okay.

Best two out of three.

You're on.

: Ro Sham Bo

Scissors two times in a row.

And it's all tied up.

Headed into the Universal
World championship of

Who will fill out
the paperwork this time?

BOTH: Ro, sham, bo.

Oh, and he's done it

The incredibly risky strikes

Scissor strategy has won it

He takes home the cup.

Yeah, a cup of piss.

My piss.

This isn't fair.

And he forgot his
ticket book.

Forgot my ticket book.

There you go. Now it's easy.

Seem to break

of soul of our hearts
with a hasty word

to recall, honey child

Honey doll, honey-pie

if this here boy done
broke your heart last night

honey baby, honey doll,
honey-pie

the most of all

Shoot for it?

Hurt at all

the sweetest rose

the petals fall

the kindest heart

you can't recall

Your heart last night

most of all

Any idea who owns
the pickup truck out front?

Yep.

WOMAN: Well, hello again.

It's your first time
running from the cops?

I'm not a 100% sure
they're chasing me.

-Sir?
-Oh, they're chasing you.

Question is, why?

My wife, she died.

And I have to scatter her ashes.

POLICEMAN: Sir?

-What's the hurry?
-Her family has other plans.

Sir? Ma'am?

-Get in.
-Yeah.

-I'm Amber.
-Sir?

It goes there.

Jesus Christ, why is it
full of acorns?

That's Sam.

He's gone, too.

You know, I saw you at the bar,
I knew we were connected.

Fellow travelers

I'm supposed be on my way.

Oh, sure. I mean,
you could totally do that.

Totally could.
But, here's what I'm thinking.

I'll make us some dinner. Okay.
A couple of these and then
first thing tomorrow, Heathrow.

Yeah, that's really nice,
but I'm going to Chicago.

AMBER: Okay. Well then,
how about Des Moines?

That's still a long way.

What? No one knows you're here.

You could take
one night to rest.
It'll be fun.

-Uh.
-AMBER: Come on.

-Yeah?
-AMBER: Yeah.

Okay.

I mean, it don't...
don't hurt now, I guess.

TED: It is believed that
a portion of the dead
pharaoh's spirit

was left behind after death.

That portion is called the Ka,
which is ridiculous,

because when you're dead,
you're gone.

It's also believed, wrongly that
that spirit needed proper care.

So that the dead Pharaoh
could continue his rule

over the dead in the afterlife.

Afterlife...

All this.

When really, the only
afterlife is,

is those of us
who are left behind.

When really, the only

afterlife is,

Good job today. You can go now
and finals are next week.

I love you.

I love you too, man,

I said I love juice.

Yeah, me too, man.

Well, the keys are missing.

So, I walk into the bar
and there's this guy dancing
like a weirdo.

And then he looks at me
directly into my eyes
and he runs out of the place.

I mean, that's weird, right?

-Even for this town,
-Sounds like Ted.

You hear what I said?
The keys are missing.

Dingus here forgets the plates
to the getaway car.

-I'm really sorry about that.
-Hey, the forms.

-Best two or three.
-Winner takes all, one go.

Go, game, four.
-Yes.

Damn it.

I got some forms for you guys
to fill out.

The keys are missing.

Fill em out your own damn self.

So, why all the way to Chicago?

Well, when I was a grad student,
I studied anthropology, and we
loved going to the field museum.

Our favorite thing to do was
to go to this exhibit
on ancient Egypt.

-We'd go all the time.
-We never made it there.

Oh, you should...
It's beautiful.

Yeah, they have
these machines there.

I don't know if they have them
anymore, but they did.

The Mold-o-Rama.

It's this plastic injection
molded figurine

for dinosaurs,
and we just loved them.

So, yeah, I'm going there
to scatter her.

-Her ashes at the museum?
-Mhm.

They probably don't let you
scatter ashes at the museum.

-I mean, probably not.
-Yeah, I know, probably not.

I guess I'm not really sure
what I'm doing.

Yeah, I bet. What with you being
new to crime and all that.

-I normally don't do this.
-Do what?

This, or anything, I guess.

We used to build statues,
to heroism and victory
and death.

It's so romantic,
don't you think?

Yes, beautiful.

And everlasting.

Death used to be so audacious.

Nothing says, "I was here,"
like a monument.

Yeah, but where would you
put it?

Just the idea of it, you know.

If you can't make a statement
with your death, then

what did your life mean?

Wait, are you asking me?

No, I'm asking this guy.

I'm not sure we can wait
for a response.

Museum is closing.
Let's go home.

Home is nice.

Home is nice.
But, this is nicer.

Amber?

What is this?
What are you doing?

-Hey, stop.
-I'm doing this for you, Ted.

You said so yourself.
You need to get over her.

I'm not ready. This isn't right.

Nothing needs to change.
And we could all be
so happy here.

That's not what she wanted.

You have no idea what she wanted

You weren't even with her
when she died.

I held Sam's hand as he left me.

You're feeling guilty
'cause you weren't there
for her.

You could stay here with me.

Maybe, she's right.

No, it can't be here.

This is not right.

I have to keep going.

Hot. Diggity. Dog.

Oh shit.

Need a ride?

No, thanks. I'm just gonna...

Laura told me all about you,
Teddy boy.

-Oh, yeah, Tracy?
-Don't call me that.

Why don't you get together
with Crystal? You two are
perfectly made for each other.

-Don't change the subject.
-I'm not. It's perfectly
on topic.

-I'm not going to let you
trick me.
-I'm not trying to trick you.

I want you to be happy.

How dumb do you think I am?

I'm assuming that's
a rhetorical question.

If Laura talked about us so much
you'd know how important
Chicago is.

HOWL: She talked about
how you couldn't handle
getting fired...

from your cush teaching gig,
melted down, moved to Colorado.

Her family loves me, not you.

Because all you do is
screw things up.

You know what?
I don't even care about
her ashes anymore.

I'm just here to beat you
because Laura deserved better.

God damn it, Tracy,

Oh, shit.

Hi. I think I got lost.

Uh... is that the highway?

Highway was moved... years ago.

It's 15 minutes' walk now
or 4 if you drive.

-That way?
-That way.

No, no, it's that way.

-Wasn't that where Fox's is?
-No, that's that way.

Oh. Uh, yeah.

Wh... Where's Des Moines?

-That way.
-This way.

-So east is...
-That's west.

So, I need to go...

MAN: Has it always
been that way?

WOMAN: That's why they put
the highway over there.

Huh.

This area is a puzzle.

-Is it you?
-It is.

You're not... You're not dead?

Uh, no, Ted,
but you got beat up again.

Am I dreaming?

You're not dreaming.
Me, yes, dead.

What are you? Are you...
Are you like a ghost
or something?

Wow. That's like asking a fish,
"How's the water?"

-Huh?

-Well, fish doesn't see water.
-Do we know that?

I don't know the rules, Ted.
I... I don't know how.

How... How doesn't matter?

-Why? Why matters.
-Why are you here?
Why are you back?

-I'm not sure. Where am I?
-Nebraska.

No, we're, uh, in Iowa.

You know what,
I'm not 100% on that either.

But where am I? Like, me.

Lost.

Well, partner, I guess I'm here
to help you get me back.

You need to hail this car.

Hey, this car, right now.
Stick your hand up.

-Come on. They can't see me.
-Oh, I missed you so much.

-LAURA: They can't see me.
-TED: Oh.

LAURA: That was our ride.

Come on.

Hello. Thank you for stopping.

-Where you headed?
-Uh...

Whoa, man.
What happened to your face?

Cool.
-LAURA: You should see
the other guy?

-Hey, shut up!
-LAURA: They can't see me.

-I see that.
-So, you headed west?

-Where are we headed?
-West.

And remember,
no one else can see me.

But, wait, don't we...
We don't want to go east?

LAURA: I do not think
Howl would go east.

Plus, we need to be sensitive
to the fact that

-no one else can see me.
-No one else can see you.

-Right. Um... West is best.
-ALL: Great.

Huh.

So, what happened?

Uh... I got into a fight
with my dead wife's boyfriend.

Oh, he's not my boyfriend.

Boyfriend, yeah

What's happening?

What's happening?

-Is this the only way?

Are you guys gonna sing
everything that I say?

Oh, I think there's
a store coming up
that we need to stop at.

Uh, why?

Well, I'm sort of just
winging this right now.

Well, you do it.

I can't. I have to
operate through you.

So, you know,
you have to do what I say.

Just no jokes, no commentary.

-Just do.
-Okay.

Uh, hey, guys,
there's a store coming up.

Uh, I think
we should stop at it.

We're running out of Band Aids.

To get bandages for...

Wait, what's your name?

Ted.

Hey.

So how did it...
How did it happen?

How'd I die?

-I was driving along,
enjoying my music.
-

I noticed there was
a fly in the car.

I tried to get it out.

It flew to the window.

I rolled down the window,
it totally flew out, success!

Yeah! Oh...

Drove right off the road.

Wow, that's so unsatisfying.

Tell me about it.

Buy this. Oh.

You still have that quarter?

No.

You lost our special quarter.

This crazy lady stole it from me
and made me do this crazy dance.

Oh. I don't know
what to think about that.

Things have just been
really weird since
I've seen you last.

-That's stealing.
-Is it?

Hey, I've been
so lost without you.

-You were pretty lost with me.
-

What are we...
What are we even doing here?

Shopping.

Okay. Can we just slow down?
Can we just stop for a second.

I... I never thought that
I would see you again,

and now, I see you again.

And... I just want to tell you
that I'm sorry.

I appreciate the need
to unburden your soul,

but it feels like, again,
that's become my problem.

And now I'm stuck
in this weird limbo,

and I'm only here because
you couldn't figure out
what to do with my ashes.

And... And now I'm lost.
Or my ashes are anyway.

And my whole family
wants you arrested.

Oh, um, I'm sorry
about that, too, right now.

I can't do anything
with sorry. Action, Ted!

Okay.

Uh... action.

Uh, so, what?
What do you want me to do?

-Pick one of these.
-I pick that one.

What's going on
with this ensemble?

Oh, yeah, the crazy lady.

This is her... This is her
dead husband's clothes.

I told you,
things have been really weird.

Are you sure you're not
a figment of my imagination
or a projection of something?

I don't feel like
a figment of your imagination?

I feel real.

I mean, as real
as a ghost can be.

A ghost that
only you can see. No.

-How do you know?
-Do you know where my ashes are?

Howl has 'em.
It's the best I got.

So that proves it.

Because there are things I know,
like what we have to do

to get my ashes back,
so I can't be a figment
of your imagination,

because that would be
impossible. That's nice.

Yeah, that would be

the most impossiblest part
of this situation.

Also buy the lighter.
It's the last thing, I promise.

Fine.

And also,
buying this bouncy ball.

-LAURA: Why?
-Out of spite.

He does that all the time.

There's an abandoned
drive-in movie theater
three miles down the road.

You need to get them
to stop there for the night.

-Uh, please fill me in here.
-You said you would trust me.

TED: There's an abandoned
movie theater about
three miles up the road.

I think we should
stop there for the night.

Oh, my God.
Are you going to kill us?

-Am I supposed to murder them?
-Unfortunately, no.

Classic. Murdered by
a hitchhiker.

-Cool.
-No, no murdering.

We're just going to
sleep there for the night

-Make a fire, Sing some songs.
-Make a fire, Sing some songs.

Great.

-I'm going to get
some more wine.
-Go ye, wood nymphs.

-Gather kindling in yonder wood.
-

You know, you're a lot funnier
now that you're dead,
you know that.

-Oh.

You do realize I'm the one
that's still getting us

-out of trouble, right?
-Mm. Made for each other.

The lily-white boys

Green grow the rushes, O

Four for the gospel-makers

The lily-white boys

At your door

The lily-white boys

Proud walkers

At your door

The lily-white boys

TED: So, what do we do now?

Now you make
a decoy of the ashes.

That's why you had me
buy that stuff.

-Yes.
-Why didn't you just
tell me that?

I don't know.

Our last morning together,
you said you wanted
the gods to intervene.

Perhaps I shouldn't have
tempted fate.

Do you think that
we would have figured it out?

If we had tried, maybe.

-Were you gonna to try?
-Yes.

I just... I some...
I let dumb shit
get in the way sometimes.

Would you have ever scattered me
if Howl hadn't stolen them?

Yeah, wh... When you died,

I just wanted everything
to stay the same.

I wanted to have
the same breakfast,

the same lunch, the same dinner,

and there's a part of me
that still does.

I'm worried that
if I say good bye to you,

and if I actually
let you go, then...

there's not going to be
anything left of me either.

I'm so alone and I'm miserable.

Oh, good.

-What?
-He's going to breakfast

-TED: Oh... good.
-LAURA: Come on.

TED: Oh...

Hey, did you
know that all along?

Crap!

How do we get in?

Just try the handle.

Do you have magic?

What are you
talking about?

What are you
talking about?

This is basic
motel security.

The doors lock
on their own. See!

Howl has a weird
relationship with locks.

LAURA: We got to go.

Ted, Howl's parking.

Wait. Wait.

So... this is it?

I love you.

Go out the window.

Okay.

-Yeah?
-CRYSTAL: You ready to go?

I'll leave in like,
ten minutes.

Did you already get breakfast?

Yeah.

Wow.
Thanks for the invite.

-Okay. Bye.
- You know, I'm hungry...

Uh, it's incredibly lucky.

Look!

I'm gonna wait you out,
teddy boy.

Yeah, well, I have
all the time in the world

You got ten minutes
before you run out of gas.

You win, Howl.

Can we just
end this. Please?

Right here.

Right now.

Teddy, Come on.

I am faster, stronger,
better than you.

What?

I need a ride.

Is there a problem?

Says, he needs a ride.

-Where?
-How?

We got what we came for.

Did Ted steal
your truck again?

You're such a
pain in the ass.

Will you just
give me the ride?

Did he steal
the ashes too?

No, I have them
right here.

Ok, I don't understand.

So, he took your truck,
but not the ashes?

Yeah, that's
right, Crystal.

Yeah, That doesn't
make any sense.

Well, maybe he gave up.

Crystal will drive you.

Momma! I am... No...

When you get to the
border... Illinois,

you have to choose
between I88 and 80.

Take 80.

You'll be thanking me later.

Yes, sir.

You are the
most loyal, true,

faithful, committed
guy I've known.

Thank you, Momma.

All right.
Can we go now?

HOWL: Can I tell you
something?

The ashes you gave
to Momma were a decoy.

It's obvious.

It wasn't to your Momma.

She can't find out.

Tell me why and
I won't say anything.

Look, it's more
of a ritual...

...to them than
anything else.

And what they don't know
can't hurt them.

So...

I can't lose to him.

Ted?

You kidding me?

No.

So what's your plan
when you get there?

Catch him.

You know.

Beat him up, get my
car back, go home.

Has beating him up
worked for you so far?

-Yes.
-He's outsmarted you every time.

You gotta have
fox to fox.

You have to beat him
at his own game, Howl.

So we're about two hours.

Plus traffic.

Plus Chicago traffic,
four hours.

But we're close.

We're really close.

TED: Jesus Christ!

You scared the
shit out of me.

What?

What are you doing back?

Ted.

Did you lose
my ashes again?

No, no, look,
you're right here.

I did everything that
you told me to do.

LAURA: Where are we?

We're in Illinois.
Right here.

Which is like two, well,
four hours to Chicago.

Field Museum.

LAURA: Right.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna scatter
you where we were the happiest.

Why am I back?

I don't know.

I can't do this anymore.

What... Then...

Let's get going.

Great.

Okay.

Do you know what
sacred means?

GIRL: Special?

Special?

Sacrosanct, to be venerated,
inviolable, untouchable.

What prompted you to disturb
that which is more special?

It was an accident.

MAN: Give it.

You are banned from
the field museum for life.

You believe this crap.

This is it.

Ted.

Mr. Daniels.

Huh?

I am Steven Lesca.
The head of security here.

I just met your friend Howl.

What? No!

-It's not even his real name.
-That's not even his real name.

Sorry.

Howl. It's a
stupid nickname.

His real name's Tracy.

Always better, I suppose.

Yeah, and he's
not my friend.

I'm sorry about that.

What brings you
to the Field today?

The art.

The... The art.

-The art?
-The art.

The art.

-Art.
-Really? Art?

I'm here to admire
and observe the art.

That's not what
Howl told us.

Yeah, well, his
name's a verb, so...

STEVEN: Nothing happens in this
museum that I cannot see.

And I'm looking at
your face right now.

Am I doing something
weird with my face?

-Yeah.
-Yes.

Look, it's a touching story

and I know you've
come a long way.

Don't do it

All right. It's all set.

Thanks for the ride.
And you know the advice.

Sure you don't need
me to stick around?

Nah, all I need
are my keys back.

You know, beat him up.
Should be a cinch.

What happened?

Can you see anything?

Ted.

I'm not magical.

Howl is here.

Oh, you're not magical, huh?

Then how can you tell if--

HOWL: Hey, Loser.

Where's my truck?

Hey, what's your deal, man?

I just wanted to see
the look on your face

when you realised
I beat you.

Worth it. Totally worth it.

I out foxed the fox.

You are the fox.

Yeah. And what
does that make you?

A better fox.

Give me my truck
back and we're even.

You have an unbelievably
screwed up concept of even.

Your monument was a joke.

Didn't she say you couldn't
stand for what you believe in?

Came all the way to
Chicago for what?

Nothing.

Wow, no one crosses
Ted Daniels, I guess.

Hey, don't make fun.

I feel bad enough as it is.

Oh, well, if it makes
you feel any better,

I think that the bouncy
ball did most of the work.

The path is clear now.

We just have to...

...outsmart the impenetrable
security at the Field Museum.

No one crosses
Ted Daniels.

TED: We know their security
cameras everywhere, right?

Maybe it's not meant to be.

TED: No, no, it has to be.

We've come this far.

No one crosses Ned Taniels.

Who is that?

Guy I made up... right now.

Well, whatever you're gonna do,
we should do it fast.

I'm fading pretty quick here.

We could do it here.

Yeah.

BUt, we're not going to.

You always knew
where we were happiest.

It was never about tombs,
or gods, or monuments.

Happiness for us
was uncomplicated.

Let's go home.

This guy?

TED: I have to go.

No, you need to leave.

TED: Yeah. Look, I'm trying to.

Look, you were right.
I was going to scatter her...

Yeah, I knew that.

Yeah, but I'm not going to now.

I know that too.

Because I decided not to.

Wait a minute.

So you're leaving?

Yes, if you let me.

Thank you.

Fine. Wonderful.

Actually, uh, I'm sorry.

Can we do one thing first?

TED: Oh!

Now, I'll leave.

Oh, you're awake?

They discharging you soon?

Huh.

You feeling better?

Mmm. Can I get you anything?

You hungry or?

There's a
vending machine right...

Oh, here.

You know, I kind of like
you not being able to talk.

You know, you've been
a real asshole

for a really long time.

I think you do it because
you're trying to protect
yourself or something.

And that's okay.

I think somewhere in there
you're a good person.

Just don't be
a prick all the time

I came to let you know
I'm spreading Laura's ashes
in Colorado.

TED: Yep.

TED: In Egyptian mythology,

when you die,

Anubis weighs your heart
against this feather of truth.

Ideally, you know your heart,

you kind of want, even.

Because if it's too heavy,
if it's too light,

then this terrible monster
named Ammit comes and then
he just like, argh...

He just, like, swallows
your heart and,

pretty much doomed to oblivion.

The idea is, in the end,
you want to be even.

And evenness allows you
to pass to the underworld.

Well, because
if we die tomorrow,

I wouldn't want to know
that we weren't even.

Why are we doing this?

I just want to be even.

TED: No, it's not a trick.

But, I do want to steal
that truck of yours
one more time.

TED: This is where
we were happiest.

LAURA: When we were doing
absolutely nothing.

TED: I'm sorry that
I had to drive
cross country to realize that.

You just like
to get into trouble.

Yeah.

Because I know that
you won't give me out.

Yeah.

What am I going to do
without you?

You're going to be all right.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I will.

I loved every moment with you.

I loved being able to be
your partner.

I love that you
let me be your partner.

I love you, so much.

I love you, too.

Goodbye, Laura.