Original subtitles

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski, Buttowski

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick Buttowski! ♪

JOCK WILDER: Live, tonight!

(READING)

Maniacs wrestle crocodiles for the title of "Craziest"

and "Bitey-est."

And with nano-camera technology,

Jock Wilder's Croc Wrestle II will be aired live

on channel 4021!

4021? We don't have channel 4021!

We have to see this live!

Otherwise they'll take out the best parts!

Where people's best parts are taken out!

If only we had a way to watch channel 4021.

Well, there is one way.

(GASPS) No! Not him! Anything but...

Mouth.

So, other shadowy figure,

I can get what you want but I expect to be paid handsomely.

Don't you worry. I have a plan.

Now to formulate a plan.

Mouth! You gotta help us!

We've got to Croc Wrestle II tonight!

Please! We'll do anything!

Anything, hmm? Looks like my plan formulated itself.

Of course I'll help you.

Care to step into my office?

Um, no. That's creepy.

-(SIREN WAILING) -Hey!

What are you two punks doing?

Two? We're just talking to Mouth.

Mouth?

(WIND WHISTLING)

But we were talking to Mouth.

Yeah, right. I'm watching you two.

-Now, where we? -(BOTH SCREAMING)

Let me get this straight.

You two want to watch Croc Wrestle II live on channel 4021.

Impossible.

Unless you have my help.

So you'll do it then?

Yes, but there are a few things we need to get first.

And no questions asked. Understand?

First we have to get one of Chicarelli's wind chimes.

A wind chime? Why?

Ah, you agreed to zero questions

and according to my calculations, one is more than zero.

(BEEPING)

He's got you there, Kick.

Besides, there's a reason why I asked you to do this.

There's only one person I know who can sneak a wind chime past Oskar.

-Glad to be of service! -Not you.

I'm not sneaking anything anywhere without permission.

Allow me.

-(DIALING) -Oh, hey, Miss Chicarelli.

So we can borrow your wind chime?

(CHUCKLES) Yes, little Oskie sure does need his beauty sleep.

How do we know he's actually talking to Miss Chicarelli?

-What's that, Kick? -(DIAL TONE)

You want to talk to Miss Chicarelli?

BOTH: We'll do it! We'll do it!

(SNORING)

(SNAPS)

(YAWNS)

Mouth.

-We'll bring it back soon. -(DIAL TONE)

Let me just double check that Kick doesn't want to talk to you.

Okay. Word is we can use the smoke machine

as long as we don't disturb the play.

But it's all the way on the other side of the stage.

And there's a play going on.

Row, row, row your boat!

If you're going to question everything I ask you to do

then we'll never make it in time for Croc Wrestle II.

Besides, I'm sure you two can wait for Croc Wrestle III.

If it's still legal.

Well, we can't just walk on stage.

Or can we?

At last I'm alone. Just old man ocean and I.

GUNTHER: When suddenly, a sea horse swam by.

What? You're not in the scene!

Go with it, Ronaldo. You know, improv!

I will not be upstaged by a horse!

Fine, then I'll leave.

And I'm taking my fog machine with me. Whoa!

(CROWD BOOING)

Tough crowd, huh?

Well, at least we got what we came for.

"We"? You ditched us and we barely got out of there with our lives.

And our dignity!

Relax, Shakespeare, we made it to the third act.

All that's left is to get our hands on a few toilet plungers.

Well, there's a couple at my house.

But you don't want those.

Well, the janitor at school has tons of those things.

Kick, you're a genius!

I knew there was a reason I'm using you...

I mean, using your skills.

Stop! What do you think you're doing?

Um, I was gonna ask the janitor

if we could borrow some plungers, remember?

Whoa, slow down there.

That janitor's a union man.

We start asking him questions

and we'll be up to our necks in red tape.

And if that happens you can kiss your Croc Wrestle goodbye.

We're just gonna go in there and borrow the plungers without him noticing

and avoid all the bureaucracy.

Well, then we're gonna need a distraction.

Any ideas?

Gunther?

Oh, sorry, Kick. I was distracted.

What were you asking me?

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Oh, hello, good sir.

I am a door to door salesman

and I am selling things.

Well, what are you selling?

Oh! See this briefcase?

You're, uh, selling a briefcase?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's what inside the briefcase.

Tah-da!

Well, that's just another briefcase.

Wait!

Son, I'm not even a businessman.

No, but you could be.

I could?

Hey, where'd Mouth go?

(SIREN WAILING)

A-ha! Caught you skateboarding!

I'm not skateboarding.

You win this round, Buttowski,

but I've got my eye on you.

Dad! Dad, it's okay. They're with me.

I'll be home later.

Okay, son. I trust you.

So can we go and watch Croc Wrestle II at your house now?

Yeah, it's starting soon. 10:00 p.m. till 4:00 a.m.

We're not watching it at my house.

We're watching it at...

The mall!

Mouth, how did you get those keys?

I told you, no questions.

(GROWLING)

(OSKAR BARKING)

JOCK: Coming up next,

Jock Wilder's Croc Wrestle II.

Wow, Kick. Mouth really came through.

Maybe he's not so bad after all.

Huh? What gives?

You still have to finish your end of the bargain.

You're going to lower yourself into the jewelry store.

Use the acquired smoke machine to reveal the lasers.

Then use the borrowed plungers to remove the casing.

And, voila! Easy-peasy!

But don't get caught. (LAUGHING)

You want us to steal for you?

What do you think you've been doing all night?

BOTH: What are you talking about?

(GASPING) He's right!

That's it. This night is over, Mouth.

Kick Buttowski does not steal.

And Gunther Magnuson does not play the xylophone.

Although that has nothing to do with anything.

But... You can't do this to me!

Sorry, Mouth. The answer is no.

Friends don't ask friends to steal.

Not even imaginary ones. Right, Ralphie?

We had a deal! If you don't help me, then no remote for you!

We've done enough for you. Now give me that remote!

GUNTHER: No!

(MUNCHING)

You can only save one, Kick!

(GRUNTING)

Why would you save me instead of the remote?

This is what friends do for friends.

We're friends? I've never had any friends.

It feels good!

Sorry I tried to make you guys rob a store. From now on I'm gonna...

-Halt! -(SIREN WAILING)

You two again! I know it was you two who took my keys.

You've got it all wrong.

It's all a big misunderstanding. Right, Mouth?

Mouth?

-(WIND WHISTLING) -BOTH: Huh?

Dad! Dad! You were right!

They took your keys and broke into the mall!

I tried to stop them, I swear!

I knew it! Corrupting my innocent son!

And destroying my mall!

It's mall jail for you hoodlums!

Yeah, mall jail!

Not that one, Dad.

You should lock them in cell A.

When I return it's gonna be with your parents.

Make them wait a while, Dad.

Till at least 4:00 a.m.

JOCK: Live till 4:00 a.m.

Jock Wilder's Croc Wrestle II.

(GASPS) Croc Wrestle II! Mouth hooked us up.

There may be hope for him after all.

BOTH: Ah, probably not.

-JOCK: And the crocs are going wild! -(CROCS SNAPPING)

Oh! Oh, the horror! Why is this even a thing? (SCREAMING)

It didn't go exactly as I planned,

but I got them for you anyway.

With a little help from some friends.

Thank you for your patronage,

Kendall.

(SIGHS)

(OWL HOOTING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(WOLF HOWLING)

Kids, don't try this at home.

Yeah, that's right. You kids.

Gunther!

Has it been... Yet?

I thought you were doing a year!

No, a week!

In that case, you're done.

Twice.

Whoa. Guess that whole no sleep thing caught up with you.

(YAWNS) Yeah.

My next attempt, 24 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

It was a pleasure working with you gentlemen.

(SNORING)

That was by far your longest stunt.

I've gotta step it up if I'm gonna join the Pantheon someday.

These guys are the best of the best.

And if I continue on the path I've been going,

someday I'm gonna do a stunt with all five of them.

But first, sleep.

And nothing is gonna stop me.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Cousin Kyle's here.

(HONKING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Peanut butter's made from peanuts.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

That's a fact!

What are we looking at? Why did you take your hat off?

Did the weather vane spin when I showed up? Why does it always do that?

Cousin Kick! That was the greatest stunt ever!

I watched it through the telescope I found in the woods

aimed at that camp where everyone wears underpants.

Let's go celebrate!

Well, Kyle, as much as I would love to hang out with you...

Wait, wait, wait, not so fast.

Like I was saying, as much as I would love to hang out...

Ah, ah, ah.

I'm really tired.

And I am sure that you of all people can understand that.

You know, since you're my number one fan.

Number one fan! I'm Kick Buttowski's number one fan!

(GROWLS)

Who dares challenge my fandom?

I'm Kick's Cousin Kyle, AKA, his number one fan.

Now and forever and beyond.

Oh no, Clown Wig. I'm his number one fan.

He told me so!

Actually, Kick just told me that I'm Kick's number one fan.

Well I'm number one because I'm planning

his awesome longest stunt ever celebration, so...

A celebration? Oh, Cousin Kick, I'll prove that I'm your number one

by planning you the best celebration ever,

with marionettes

and marionettes

and marionettes

and root beer.

Oh, it is not gonna be that easy, Puppet Breath!

I'm obviously his number one fan!

I have his retainer from when he was five!

(CHUCKLES) Hey, that's great.

But I'm number one because I've got his retainers

from when he was four and three and two.

I've got his appendix.

I've got his tonsils!

I've got his baby teeth!

I've got his baby diaper!

I've got his dirty jumpsuits!

I've got his toothbrush!

I've got his saliva sample.

I've got his secret twin!

Guys!

I have an idea!

I got mine first! No, I did!

I've got the perfect solution to find out who's really number one.

Clearly, one of you is my number one fan.

And since I've gotta sleep,

you two should figure out which of you is really my number one fan.

And when I wake up, me and the winner

will have a huge celebration!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

I don't know about this, Kick! It's Crazyology 101.

When you pit crazy against crazy,

the result is an even bigger crazy!

(KYLE LAUGHING)

(WACKY JACKIE SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

Gunther, you're right.

They need to work together.

With your forces combined,

you could throw me the best celebration ever.

(MANIACAL LAUGHING)

Yay! Party!

One more thing, guys.

BOTH: Yes, Kick?

Please do it quietly.

-Oh, of course, Kick. -Of course!

(WHISPERS) Yay! Party!

Even bigger mistake, Kick.

When you team crazy up with crazy, the result is super crazy.

Gunther, I need some sleep. This is the only way.

-Truce? -Truce.

(BOTH YELLING)

Super cra-cra.

(MANIACAL LAUGHING)

I don't think that the maniacal laughter is a good sign, Kick.

It's a fine sign! And now for 40 winks.

40 awesome winks.

Ah, finally!

BOTH: Kick!

Kick, what kind of party hat do you like?

This or this or this or this?

Kick, what kind of party noise maker do you like?

The kind that go... (YELLING)

Or...

(GARGLING)

(SCREAMING)

The first one!

BOTH: For who? For both!

What kind of music do you like better?

Mariachi?

Or classical quartet?

(ALL PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

Kick, which carnival ride do you like best?

The Tilt-a-puke or the Barf-a-whirl?

What do you prefer, marionettes or puppets?

Jackhammers or anvils?

KYLE: Clowns or mimes?

WACKY JACKIE: Lions or tigers?

KYLE: Bears or "Oh, my's"?

(SCREAMS)

(MANIACAL LAUGHING)

(MANIACAL LAUGHING)

(MANIACAL LAUGHING)

Kick!

(SNIFFING)

Are you here?

Come on, Kick. Where are you?

The celebration is ready.

Phew!

Brad's laundry must have disguised the scent.

Finally, sleep.

(MANIACAL LAUGHING)

BOTH: Celebration!

BOTH: Celebration!

BOTH: Celebration!

Celebration!

(SCREAMING)

Celebration!

An intruder!

I feel so violated.

What's going on?

(ALL CHEERING)

This won't go on much longer.

Chicarelli will call the cops.

MISS CHICARELLI: Oh, my! This is wonderful!

Hey Mr. DJ! Turn this music up!

Mama needs to drop it like it's hot!

BOTH: Oh-ah! Oh-ah!

This isn't happening!

BOTH: Come and party with us, Kick Buttowski.

Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever...

(SCREAMING)

Guys, I've been awake for weeks!

I just need some sleep.

And if you were really my number one fans, you'd let me have it!

But we have one more big super surprise for you!

It's almost here. I don't want it!

But it's really good!

However good it is, it won't be as good

as one second of sleep!

You want to sleep? Why didn't you just say so?

Of course we'll let you sleep.

Yeah. What kind of number one fans would we be

if we didn't let you sleep when you needed it?

BOTH: Okay, Kick. Sweet dreams.

-Thank you. -Okay, shut it down!

But I was about to bust a move!

Sorry, guys. The party's over.

Kick is sleeping.

Cancel all the extremely cool stuff you were gonna do with him.

Well, Jackie, I guess this may be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Yeah! It was funny how we fought before!

Especially since it was over which of you is Kick's number one.

'Cause obviously I'm Kick's number one!

(GRUNTING)

I am his number one! No, I am!

Best friend equals number one!

(ALL YELLING)

Gee, Kick, I never realized how merchandisable you were.

Wanna go shred Dead Man's Drop?

You bet, pal.