Original subtitles

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski, Buttowski

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick Buttowski! ♪

(ANIMALISTIC SCREECHING)

ALL: (GASPING) Mom's favorite picture!

I got it! No, I do!

Quit hogging the saving!

ALL: No!

-Aw, biscuits. -It's shattered to bits!

Just the frame,

but the photo looks like it's okay.

Hey! Get your greasy paws off of it!

Get your greasy face away from it!

Aw, biscuits. Aw, biscuits what?

What's this? (GASPS)

My favorite picture. But where is the picture?

My favorite...

(CHOKING)

For years I tried to get one decent photo with all three of you in.

Just one!

And now it's ruined.

-ALL: They did it! -(WHISTLING)

Hey, dear! Que pasa?

(WHIMPERING)

(SCREAMING)

Which one of you upset your mother?

ALL: They did it!

Well, I know that one of you did something

and you better fix it!

When she's upset like this she won't cook.

And tonight's meatloaf night!

You guys fix what you did

and I'll salvage meatloaf night!

(GROANS)

Well, you heard Dad!

We've got to take another photo to replace that one, pronto!

(SCOFFS) Team up with you two?

The Brad doesn't work with dillweeds.

Or dillweedettes.

Face it, Kick. It's not happening.

Whenever we do stuff together, it always becomes a competition.

-What? Does not! -Does too!

-You stink! -You stink!

You stink, and you stink at analyzing my...

Guys! Guys! We have to get along! And we can.

Look, I don't wanna do this any more than you.

But we have to get a new photo for Mom.

You stink at making us feel guilty about getting a new pic for Mom!

I was gonna say that!

So you stink for taking what I was gonna say!

-You stink! -You stink!

Stop! It's about Mom!

She's gonna be a wreck until we get that new picture.

Now let's get to the photo place and get that pic.

For Mom!

Okay.

I'll make sure we get to the photo place fast enough.

I'll make sure we look presentable.

And I'll impress the babes with my glistening abs of Brad-meat!

(SQUEAKING)

Yeah, Brad-meat!

Done?

Done.

All right. For Mom!

-For Mom! -For Mom!

This is gonna be a lot of work.

You can do this, Harold. For the meatloaf!

Well, hello there, dear.

Whatcha watching?

I have a gift for you. Just for being so lovely.

(GROWLING)

Flowers, for my love!

(BURPS)

(GASPS)

Who doesn't love a nice flossing, huh?

In some cultures it's considered very romantic!

And let's keep those pearly whites their whitest!

This is gonna be harder than I thought.

Well, I look stunning as usual.

Let's see how you two look.

(EXCLAIMS) You're not wearing that!

But this is what I always wear.

Exactly.

Brad, is that barbecue sauce?

Yeah, ribs!

You're filthy! I look Brad-tastic!

You're a mess! You're completely unpresentable!

Oh, yeah? Well, it's not your birthday!

You never get me presents anyway!

Guys! Come on!

Sheesh. Obviously I look the best.

Ooh! Hot! Hot!

Okay. Let's try this again.

Oh, no! The photo place closes in 15 minutes!

That last fight really set us back!

Nice job, dillweed! You too, dillweedette!

Whatever, shrillweed!

Guys, don't get distracted!

We gotta hurry before they close. Now let's go!

I know a shortcut!

I know a different shortcut! This way!

Well, I know one better than the both of yours!

(ALL CLAMORING)

Where the heck are we?

Great, dillweed! Too bad this bus is going the wrong way!

True!

But that one isn't.

Hey, my belt!

Hold on!

(ALL SCREAMING)

The 4:50 Downtown.

Right on time.

Mirror mirror oh, so sweet,

who's most likely to cook some meat...

...loaf?

Why, you are, dear!

My darling, your face is like that of an angel.

Your eyes are like sparkling pools.

Your lips are like red roses.

Rising up to greet the morning sun,

sharing your beauty with the world.

Starting with your delicious meatloaf!

Meatloaf!

KICK: Well, here we are at last.

And with one minute to spare.

We're closing one minute early today.

(ALL YELLING)

Wait, you can't go!

We have to have our photo taken for our mom!

She's not amused.

Bri, bat your eyelashes. Quick!

I've got this.

Oh, miss photo lady.

Yeah, you there.

Can you please open the big bad door for little ol' me?

Pretty pretty pretty please?

(YAWNS)

She's not human!

Stand back. It's my time to shine.

The Brad knows babes. Photo babe.

Get ready for some Grade A stud muffin action.

Bam!

Yeah, Brad-meat!

No! Make it stop!

Make it stop! I'm gonna be sick!

Fine, I'll take your photo.

Just stop doing that!

Abs of Brad-meat. Gets them every time!

Here we are, my dear.

And now it's time to make meatloaf together.

Just like our counselor said.

So go ahead and do all the kitchen-y things you do so well,

and I'll be right here ready to help.

Perhaps I'll get things started.

Kitchen-y things coming right up.

Now if I were meatloaf what would be in me?

Here we go. Egg, good.

And of course, meat.

And who could forget the... (EXCLAIMS)

Darling, you startled me.

Let's just put the ingredients over here

and off your face, like so.

Now let's get loafing.

That's it. Very good. Oh, yeah.

That's the ticket.

Honey, we should make meatloaf more often.

(EXCLAIMS) Now that's an odd looking meatloaf.

Which I can't wait to eat.

Now, in you go.

I'll just turn a random knob all the way up.

-Well, that wasn't so hard. -(RUMBLING)

(OVEN DINGS)

Oh! We should probably call the fire department now.

Okay, one photo.

Just one. Now smile.

Or don't. I don't care.

We did it. The Buttowski siblings actually got along!

When we work together, we're unstoppable!

Ready? In three...

Now smile nice like me.

The best smiler.

Uh, yeah. My smile is pretty awesome.

Two.

Mine is the best.

No way, mine is!

My face lights a scene like a warm summer's morn!

Yeah, right!

One.

I look terrible.

Should we even give her this?

I mean, you guys look bad

but this is the worst I've ever looked.

Come on. It's pretty obvious I look the worst!

Yeah, looking the worst!

(ALL SHOUTING)

Hey! Where's the photo?

-I... I... -(ALL GASPING)

-I...

-Mom!

-We're sorry, Mom. We're sorry.

We're sorry that we've ruined your favorite picture of us.

We tried as hard as we could to have a new picture taken.

But it's horrible.

We did everything we could to work together to get a new one.

Will you ever forgive us?

I love it!

ALL: You do?

That old picture wasn't you anyway.

You obviously worked together to get this,

and that's what's special to me.

I'll always cherish this.

ALL: I love you, Mom!

I love her more! I love her more!

I love her most, you idiots!

(CHUCKLES) I love you guys, too.

Dinner is served.

Honey, you sure look like you're feeling better.

I have the most wonderful family in the world.

And the most wonderful family deserves

the most wonderful meatloaf.

Yes!

My favorite picture of you and me!

It was one of a kind!

Now it's ruined!

(ROARING)

Hi, Mrs. Buttowski!

Awesome!

I mean, biscuits.

(GRUNTS) Kick, where is your brother?

He's supposed to be watching you!

Uh...

Oh, yeah! Cut that wood!

Bradley Elizabeth Buttowski, you are in big trouble!

But my middle's name's not Elizabeth!

Oh, it is now. I'm that angry!

Letting your brother destroy the cul-de-sac!

But Mother, I... Can it, Lizzie!

I gave you a chance to be in charge.

It's clear I can't trust you two to be alone.

Not my fault he won't stay locked in the closet.

Don't forget, Ma, he let me destroy the cul-de-sac!

-Oh, yeah? -Yeah!

-Not my fault! -You're the problem!

Don't blame me!

But you've burned through every babysitter in town!

They always seem to flee.

Ah, ousting babysitters.

The one time we get along.

(HARD ROCK PLAYING)

(SCREAMING)

Oh, come on!

(SCREAMING)

-Hmm? -(CHUCKLES)

The Buttowski brothers always get their babysitter.

And always will.

(RECORD SCRATCHES)

Finally.

While you were flashbacking, I found a solution.

An unconventional solution.

Besides, I have no other options,

Kendall?

What? A little kid's gonna be in charge of me?

Her resume is quite impressive

and her references are as impeccable as her grades.

Sorry, Mom, but no way.

Uh-uh! Uh-uh! Quiet!

You brought this on yourselves.

We're off to the Teeny Tiny Gold Digger Pageant.

Be back at 6:00.

You have a great time now!

Don't you worry about the boys.

I'll take care of them.

You have no power over me.

Or me. You're shorter, you're younger...

I'm two weeks older than Kick

and a decade more mature than you.

Well, duh!

But you will never control the Buttowski brothers.

Leave now or suffer the consequences.

Yeah right! I've been waiting for this opportunity.

Once the neighborhood knows I can handle you two,

I'll be the queen of the babysitters!

And this job comes so easily to me,

I can do it in my sleep, while multi tasking.

Observe!

(SNORING)

I wish I could do algebra in my sleep.

I wish I could spell algebra.

My rules are simple.

No stunts, no leaving the house,

and no fun whatsoever.

(SHOUTING) Do you understand?

Oh, I understand.

(CRASHING)

My wheels! But how?

I told you I'm good.

(CHUCKLES) Dillweed!

Now the Brad's gonna watch some...

What? Scrambled? That's not fair!

In case you two get any other bright ideas,

I've already flattened the tires on Kick's bike,

confiscated Brad's Tankini magazines.

(SCREAMS) No!

And grounded your wingman.

Gunther?

Ooh, Tankini mags!

Aw, there's no light in here.

Now, are you ready to obey me?

I said, are you ready to obey?

Yes, Miss Kendall.

Now, go to your room!

How is she doing this? It's unreal.

She's always one step ahead of us.

She's unstoppable! We're doomed, I tells ya! Doomed!

Snap out of it, man!

Are we Pantsy and Mouth? No!

Are we Michael Anthony and Anthony Michael DiPazzi? No!

We're the Buttowski brothers! And Buttowskis don't give up!

You're right, dillweed.

Time to pull out some of the Buttowski brothers classics!

That means I'll get the BattleSnax fish heads.

I'll get the exploding ink traps.

BOTH: Yeah, Buttowski brothers!

Lunch is served.

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

Snack time.

Dinner is served.

Wow, it's hopeless!

We'll never defeat Kendall!

No, Brad, the Buttowski brothers never give up.

We have to step up our game.

Time to bring out the big guns.

We're gonna take her down.

Hello, boys.

Hello, Miss Kendall. Kendall.

I see two guys who could use a little less mallet,

and a little more juice boxie-woxies.

Yes, Miss Kendall.

We can get our own juice boxie-woxies.

Obviously, I'm way ahead of you.

You think you're the first siblings to get rid of their babysitters?

I did the same thing with my older sister.

BattleSnax fish heads?

Pfft. Amateur hour!

We used year-old Food 'N' Fix hot dogs.

(BOTH GASPING)

Shh! Don't let her know you're impressed.

-Brad? -Year-old hot dogs. Got it.

-And then? -Brad!

I know all your tricks.

The Perkins sisters were the best babysitter ousters there ever were!

In fact, it was the only time we got along.

Then one day, we didn't oust our babysitter.

The Perkins sisters failed.

And things were never the same between me and my sister.

My point is, there's nothing you can do to beat me.

Nothing!

So, who's ready to make soap sculptures?

Ooh! Soap scul... No!

The Buttowski brothers do not do soap sculptures!

And the Buttowski brothers do not drink juice boxie-woxies.

And we do not give up!

Bye, Miss Kendall.

Bye-bye.

Okay, Brad, we're getting rid of her once and for all!

Yeah, Brad!

Brothers. Both of us.

Sorry. Yeah, us!

Especially Brad.

Whatever happens, we can't let her defeat us.

Okay, you distract Kendall by

pretending to be interested in soap sculptures,

and I'll break out of the house and hide.

"Ooh, look at these awesome soap sculptures!

"They're so calmingly awesome."

(CLEARS THROAT) I mean, "Wow, Kendall.

"Tell me more about these super-lame soap things.

"That I secretly love."

Anyway, so when Mom gets home and sees that I'm gone...

(MIMICKING MOM) "Hey, where's Kick?"

She'll fire Kendall

and then you can "find" me...

"Mother, I found my long lost brother."

...proving how responsible you are.

Yeah, toy Brad!

Then it's back to the status quo.

Yeah, Brad-us quo!

Phase one complete. Now for...

Nice try, Clarence.

And that's why I'm queen of the babysitters.

Kendall? How did you know?

(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)

I told you there was nothing you could do to beat me.

Nothing!

Brad, what happened? We had the perfect plan

to maintain our perfect record!

She knows the code to unscramble the Tankini Lumberjack channel.

She deciphered it with her algebra when she took that nap.

Wish I could do algebra.

Enjoy your show, Brad. I'm proud of you.

I'll take that juice boxie-woxie now, Miss Kendall.

What's the magic word?

-Please! -Good boy.

You've destroyed every sitter who's ever entered your little snake pit.

And as I've proven over and over,

I will not let you ruin my babysitter empire.

So you better get used to soap sculptures

'cause I promised your mom

the house would be spotless and perfect when she returned.

Okay, if you insist.

Huh?

♪ Soap snowboard ♪

What do you think you're doing?

Trashing the house before Mom gets home!

And there's nothing you can do to stop me!

Move! Miss Dutch Elm is making her own clocks out of a tree!

(GASPS) Clean? But how?

It's the only craft where the mess cleans itself up!

(LAUGHING WICKEDLY)

(HONKING)

(GASPS) It's Mom!

(GASPS)

It kills me to say this,

but you really are the queen of babysitters.

And now I know how you and your sister must have felt.

We didn't oust our babysitter.

Buttowski brothers failed.

Things will never be the same with me and my brother.

Oh, dillweed. It's all my fault!

If I wasn't so weak, if I hadn't caved,

we'd still have a perfect record!

No babysitter could say she bested the Buttowski brothers.

Oh, but you did cave, Brad.

Our sibling bond was never broken by any babysitter.

And now the one thing that brought us together as brothers is gone!

Not if I can help it!

(BOTH GASPING)

What on earth?

Kendall Perkins, you were supposed to

keep these boys under control!

I'm sorry, Mrs. Buttowski. I let you down.

I thought I could handle them.

(SIGHS) So did I.

Maybe in a few years when you're older.

Looks like I'll have to give Brad a second chance.

Thank you, Mother. I shan't let you down.

Kendall, you saved us!

I know what it's like to lose the one thing you share with your sibling.

I couldn't let that happen to you and Brad.

I don't know what to say.

Don't say anything! I gave you this one.

So I still consider it a win.

And I will still be the queen of babysitting. Yeah, Kendall!

You were right! She fell for the cry-baby act

hook, line and emotional sinker.

Wait. What? That was all an act?

Kendall, you messed with the Buttowski brothers.

And together we always get our babysitter.

(SCREAMS)

Yeah, Buttowski brothers!

Especially Brad!

And dillweed.

GUNTHER: Hello?

Is anybody out there?