Original subtitles

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski, Buttowski

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick Buttowski! ♪

(WHOOPS)

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(BARKS)

Thanks a lot. You ruined my stunt.

That plane doesn't fly over Mellowbrook very often.

Just who do you think you are?

(TIRES SCREECHING) (BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Now I have to wait a whole week to try that stunt again!

(BONES CRACKING)

(JAZZY HOWLING)

You saved my life.

(HOWLING)

Oh no! You saved my life and I end up hurting your leg.

You okay, uh...

Jazzy?

Ugh. Thanks.

WOMAN: Sorry 'bout dat, pardner!

Your lil' critter thar doin' all right?

She's not my dog.

What? I can't hear ya none, son!

I'm a-comin' on over thar!

Oh, good! Then while you're here, can you please take this dog?

Well, I'd best mosey on my way.

But I gotta tell ya, you varmints need to be more careful!

Y'all better watch where y'all's goin'!

Hey, watch where you're going!

I was in the can!

Well, I guess I can't just leave you here.

Let's get you fixed up and find your owner.

(EXCLAIMS)

(SIGHS)

GUNTHER: I'm afraid I'm gonna have to put her down.

What? But it's just an injured leg!

I'm sorry. But she's just too heavy.

I have to put her down!

This leg has got to heal, so she can't move for a day or two.

A day?

Or two.

Oh, I don't think so, Gunther.

I've gotta take her around, find her owner, and her outta here!

But, Kick, your dog needs to stay put.

She's not my dog! She's nobody's dog.

There's no address on her collar.

Just her name and some weird symbol.

Hmm. I'll check this out. I'm also a certified WSA.

WSA?

Weird symbol analyst.

Have fun with your dog!

She's not my dog.

(GRUNTS)

All right, dillweed. Time for your 6 o'clock pounding.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(GROWLING)

BRAD: Hey! Hey!

Come on! Get your stupid dog off me!

Now you get double pounded!

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(GROWLING)

BRAD: Ahh! Retreat!

(YELLING)

Okay, I'm sorry! Keep your dog off of me!

(BRAD CRYING)

You're not my dog but that was pretty awesome.

So you still can't move, huh?

Let's make this work.

WACKY JACKIE: Hey, Kick!

Here! I made you a sardine and marshmallow sandwich!

Mmm! Wow, thanks, Jackie! I'm starving!

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(GROWLING)

(GROANING)

Why did it do that to the sandwich?

Your dog was right for doing that!

She's not my dog.

Can't believe I didn't see this!

These marshmallows are totally expired!

She just saved your life!

Thanks. Again.

I'm so jealous.

I wish I was your dog.

(OSKAR BARKS)

(GROWLING)

Come on, girl. We don't wanna mess with Oskar.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(GROWLING)

(BARKING)

Precious?

Jazzy?

You're awesome!

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Wow, that was weird. I must have slipped somehow...

Let's try that again.

Hmm...

Maybe you just don't like ramps.

There's a million other places for me to hit.

(GROWLING)

(GROWLING)

(GROWLING)

You don't like skateboards either.

I can do other things.

Or flaming hoops.

Or have any fun at all.

(BURPS)

How's this? Is this okay, Jazzy?

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

What's the deal, Jazzy?

GUNTHER: She's a safety dog!

Like a seeing-eye dog, except she prevents accidents.

Listen to this.

(READING) Safety dogs are relentlessly devoted to protecting their masters.

And since you're like the ultimate daredevil, she's like super safety dog!

She won't let you do any stunts!

Well, this is just great!

A daredevil is not a daredevil if there's always someone protecting him.

Yeah. That'd be more like a protected-devil.

(BARKS)

Well, you could always retrain her.

No, Gunther. She is who she is.

And I'm who I am.

I'm a daredevil and danger is a big part of that.

I can't have a dog who's gonna keep me from my stunts!

Plus, the owner never called so I have no choice but to take her to the shelter.

She might be the perfect match for somebody

but not for me.

But she's your dog.

She's not my dog.

Come on, girl.

Jazzy...

I love you!

I love you, Jazzy! You are my dog! I don't care about stunts!

I'm sorry I was gonna take you to the shelter!

Oh Jazzy, you're such a good girl!

(TIRES SCREECHING) (BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Jazzy!

Her leg's healed...

Hey!

Jazzy!

(CAR ALARM BLARES)

Much obliged, pardner! You saved mah life!

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Well, tarnation! You plum saved it again!

Without yer help, I'd be a goner fer sure!

I'm always trippin' and fallin' and smashin' into things.

But not this time.

You got yourself one heck of a good dog here.

That's not my dog.

What? Then whose is she?

Jazzy, I think we found your perfect match.

You deserve to have someone who wants to be protected.

WOMAN: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, mule! Whoa!

Much obliged again, pardner!

She's gonna love livin' with me on my ranch!

You can come visit any time!

Yippie-kai-yay! Get along, lil' doggie!

Yee-haw!

(PLANE APPROACHING)

(WHOOPS)

(CRASH)

KICK: Biscuits.

Help me! Somebody help me!

Halt! You crossed the street of justice

and you didn't look both ways!

Oh, I'm so scared! It's the long arm of the law!

(LAUGHS)

Arm? More like arms!

Here's your purse, pathetic old widow.

Courtesy of

OctoCop!

Must. See. Movie.

Sold out?

Two weeks!

"You crossed justice street, and you didn't..."

Uh... Yeah, Brad!

Brad! How did you see OctoCop?

I can see any movie any time I want,

courtesy of my good friend Pantsy.

I got access to a private two-seat screening room.

Later, dillweed.

Brad, I've gotta see OctoCop.

Can I borrow that card?

Why, sure! Here ya go, little brother!

Wow... Thanks, Brad.

(LAUGHS) You actually trusted me? Dillweed.

Psst! Don't let him get away with that!

You gotta see this movie!

It's awesome times eight.

(BONES CRACKING)

(GRUNTS)

Oh, April, my future girlfriend...

Is today the day you finally don't shoot me down?

(NARRATOR READS)

(NARRATOR READS)

(NARRATOR READS)

But today is different!

Between the access card and my first chest hair,

this is the day of The Brad!

Why hello! I... No.

(NARRATOR READING)

APRIL: Oh, how cute!

Awesome helmet, dude! And those gloves? Totally sweet.

This is my brother Kick. Isn't he just the greatest?

I've always wanted a little brother.

My older sister used to beat me up, push me around, and stuff me into trash cans.

Does that mean you'll go out with me?

Because maybe my super cool little bro wants to come, too.

What are you...

Aw, well... I can't say no to you two!

So then it's a date, right?

Right after my awesome big bro gives me his golden access card...

(LAUGHS) Why of course, awesome little bro!

Cool! See you at 7:00.

Okay, cough up that card.

Not till after my date!

How can I be sure you won't stuff me in a garbage can again?

Well, I guess you'll just have to trust me.

Okay. Deal.

Your hands are sticky.

Don't try to change me.

Oh, April is so gonna be my lady-woman.

So what's the plan?

What? I didn't plan anything. I spent the whole day Brad-scaping.

(LAUGHING) This is gonna be the worst date ever.

No, it's not! I've had way worse!

I mean, take it back!

APRIL: What's going on?

Oh, April, my sweet,

my keen little bro just had something in his eye.

All gone now.

Helmet dude! High five!

Yeah! High-five!

So what's the plan?

The plan, uh, well, it's awesome...

And, uh... Kick knows it!

All right, little brother.

What's the awesome plan?

So, April, my date, how's the hamburger on a stick business?

Your little brother is amazing!

(FAKE LAUGHS) Yeah.

You know what else is amazing?

Your emerald eyes. I'd like to make them into earrings.

And then sell you those earrings.

But not before I replace your eyes,

so that you could see the beauty of your eye earrings.

(YAWNS)

(CHEERS) Tear it up, dude!

Oh, dearest brother Kick? What else do you have planned?

That doesn't involve stunts?

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

I've never met anyone who could keep up with me!

Man, you're good!

The best.

Hey, Brad! Wow, look at your little brother's hot date!

That's it!

Hey! What's the big idea? This is my date!

Brad, is everything okay here?

Um, why, yes! Why would anything be wrong?

May I have a word with you?

This isn't fair! Here I am, the Brad, and April just wants to hang out with you!

She's got good taste.

Well, guess what, lover boy?

You don't get that access card unless you make her fall for me!

Hey! You're making up new rules!

I knew I couldn't trust you!

Forget this, I'm outta here.

Wait, I mean it this time! You can trust me.

Hey, Buttowski, it'll be worth it.

Fine. I'll make your date go well.

But then I get that card!

Deal!

Your hands are still sticky.

Not gonna change!

Look at those beautiful roses.

They'll look even more beautiful when you're holding them! I...

Twenty bucks?

(GASPS) The sticky hand!

(YELLS) Get it off! Get it off! What the heck!

Oh, Brad! Your hands are so non-sticky!

Keep up the good work, kid!

And you'll get to see OctoCop, starring me, Rock Callahan!

And don't forget, nothing makes a Rock Callahan movie

like some official Rock Callahan carrot sticks!

Let's rock with carrot sticks!

Whee!

Ew... What's that smell?

Ah, minty fresh.

Brad! I love it!

I'm so glad, dear sweet April!

Wow, Brad. I had my doubts in the beginning, but...

Hmm... How about we go into the Tunnel of Smoochin'.

Alone.

Oh, yes, April, my date! Just one second!

Great work, dillweed! She's totally into me!

Of course she is, Brad. You're a Buttowski.

(NARRATOR READS)

She wants to go in the Tunnel of Smoochin'. Alone!

So I'll take it from here.

And the access card?

Well, you earned it, awesome little brother.

Finally! I get to see...

APRIL: OctoCop: Eight Arms of Justice!

(BOTH EXCLAIM)

I love Rock Callahan! I totally wanna see this movie!

But it's sold out for, like, two weeks.

April, my date! I can take you right now!

We can see it now with my golden access card.

(GASPS) Awesome!

I'm gonna freshen up, then we'll head to the movie!

You lied, Brad! We had a deal.

And we shook on it, twice! I trusted you!

You should've learned by now that you can never trust me!

Now go skate down a mountain or something.

I'm about to get my lips smooched so good...

(YELLING)

(BRAD STRAINING)

Ha! You throw like a girl.

Hey! I'm a girl.

En garde!

(SIGHS) Really?

(SCREAMS)

Got any last words? Look behind you.

Ha! Yeah, right. That's the oldest trick in the...

APRIL: Brad!

I don't believe this! I thought you were a nice guy...

April, I... A gentleman...

No, April! It's... And a good big brother!

But... But... But the movie!

With you? No, thanks.

Come on, Kick. Let's go see OctoCop.

But April, my lady-woman!

Way to go, Kick! See ya at the movie!

And remember, kids, don't forget to eat your carrot sticks,

OCTOCOP: Do girls fly south when you open your mouth?

Then try my Deltoid mints and they'll come flocking back.

Punch bad breath in the face with Rock Callahan's Deltoids.

The curiously buff mint.

ANNOUNCER: Birds not guaranteed to land on your shoulders.