Original subtitles

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski, Buttowski

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick Buttowski ♪

I'll teach you to laugh when I fall in a sewer!

Oh, I already know how.

(BOTH YELLING)

(SCREAMING)

(BRAD EXCLAIMING)

(PANTING)

This ends now!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

DAD: Kick!

This is unacceptable!

Your room is the biggest disaster area I've ever seen!

Walls smashed, carpet clawed, bed unmade...

I am sorely disappointed in you.

You've got a room all to yourself and what do you do? You destroy it!

But it was Brad!

BRAD: I've been in my room, Father! Studying. As usual!

He's lying!

Kick, you've left me with no alternative.

You're grounded.

But, Dad... No "but, Dads"!

And until I fix this room up, you'll be living with Brad.

What! BRAD: What!

Live with Brad? Dad, but I don't wanna live with Brad.

Anywhere but Brad's room!

Kick, why don't you have a seat?

Look, I know it can be tough sharing a room, but it gets easier,

and you might wind up having a blast.

You know, I shared a room with my older brother for almost 18 years.

It was just wonderful!

Stay on your side!

(CRYING)

DAD: And then I went to college and had a roommate.

Stay on your side!

And then I married your mother.

Stay on your side!

Come to think of it, I've never had a room...

All to myself...

Anyway, I'm sure you can handle it, right?

Sure, Dad. For you, I can handle it.

You okay, Dad?

Don't look, Son. Don't look.

No, Dad! I don't want the little fart in here!

You think I wanna be in here?

Now, stop it, you two!

You're brothers, and you're gonna get along!

So I don't wanna hear anything more about it or I'll double your grounding.

And leave me alone while I'm doing this remodeling.

That means you, Kick. Gotta go now!

Here, let me help you with that, Brother!

Oh... Well, thanks, Brad.

(GASPS)

My stuff!

No fish in my room, dillweed!

Unless they're the decaying fish sticks in my closet.

Which are off-limits, by the way.

Speaking of off-limits...

Let's go over some guidelines.

Now, we both know you can't run to Dad this time.

So, if you're gonna live in the Brad's room, you're gonna live by the Brad's rules.

Yeah, the Brad!

Don't touch my bed, don't touch my clothes,

don't touch my floor, and don't even look at my ceiling!

I said don't look at it!

This room is my carefully designed sanctuary.

This beanbag chair? Sculpted to the Brad's posterior.

These sheets? Custom-fitted to the Brad's sleeping habits.

Even my underwear pile is perfect.

See? It all follows this model.

So if even the slightest fallen armpit hair is out of place, I'll know.

Wow. It's so accurate. It even smells terrible.

Jealous?

But most important, whatever you do...

Do not touch my gum collection!

I've got chewed gum from every member of the Mellowbrook High cheerleading squad

except for Lisa Bancroft. She doesn't chew gum.

Yet.

(CACKLING)

So, chewing gum is the only way to cure my tongue pox?

Uh... Yes? Yeah, dentist!

Yes, Lisa Bancroft! Chew gum. Chew lots of gum!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Bradley? My Precious Pinky Unicorns are having a funeral for Pretty Pony Pippa.

Would you please turn down your music? Just a little bit?

Why, of course, Brianna! Thank you!

Yeah, volume!

Look, Brad, maybe we can find some common ground

and work through this just until my room's ready...

Be quiet! I'm reading the articles over here!

Ooh, yeah...

Come on, Brad! I'm just trying to make the best of this.

You'll make what I want you to make!

Stay outta my hair! In fact...

There! Now, stay on your side!

Fine by me.

Fine by you? Ha-ha! You dillweed!

I've got the half with the door on it!

And I've got a window. Way cooler exit.

Eh. Well, I've got the mold!

Well, I've got this.

Hey! That's sculpted to my posterior!

Not anymore.

Oh, yeah? Yeah? Well, I got this broken yo-yo.

Ooh, so sweet...

You go ahead and enjoy that, Brad.

Because I've got this!

No! This is a raw deal!

It's my room and my gum plaque and this isn't fair!

(CRYING)

(SCREAMING) Dad!

Dad! Kick...

Room... I...

(CRYING)

Glad you brought that up, Bradley.

I want you to know how happy I am you're being so mature about all this.

And as we all know, mature people sometimes get their very own cars.

(EXCLAIMING)

Oh, Father! I'm ever so mature! I'll prove it to you!

And I know just what I'm gonna do when I get it.

Hey, Lisa. Would you like some gum?

Four out of five Brads recommend it.

BRAD: Yeah, Brad!

(CAT YOWLS)

Ooh. I love imagining things.

This is crazy! Brad destroys my room and he gets a car?

Dad, let me help you. We'll fix up my room in no time.

(GASPS) (GASPS)

No. Father is right.

Let's go back to my room and be the bestest roomies ever.

(HUMMING)

Hello, Father!

Glad to see that you two are getting along so well.

We're embracing in a brotherly fashion!

Love you, Brother.

Aw. I'm glad to see you two are getting along so well.

Really, really glad.

(EXCLAIMING)

Don't be misbehavin'. This is Brad's room, fool!

Any questions? Refer to the model.

Grounded or not, I'm goin' to Dad.

(GASPS) Dad, what's that?

(CHUCKLES) Hey, buddy. It's your new bed!

Well, why's it say "billiard table" on the side?

That is just the box they put it in at the store.

(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)

And now I have to close this door.

Shifty eyes, shifty eyes.

Hmm. Something's up, because Dad actually said, "Shifty eyes, shifty eyes."

Open this door, Dad! I gotta tell you about Brad.

Oh, no you're not.

Yeah, car.

(KICK GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

I want that car, dillweed. So you're gonna stay here until that room's finished!

You're not getting a car, Brad.

And if you don't let me up right now, you're gonna be sorry...

Ooh, what're you gonna do? Stunt me to death?

(LAUGHS)

That car's as good as mine, and you're as good as horsemeat

if you even try to ruin it for me!

Sleep tight!

(SIGHS)

Ugh! This has to end!

Dad, I wanna help you fix up...

My room?

(STAMMERING) Oh, um... Hi, Kick! How do you like the new room?

Great man cave, Harry!

You finally have own room.

I bring sandwiches and ox nectar to celebrate!

Well, Kick, I figured that since you and Brad are such great roommates,

why not turn your old room into a family game room!

Family? Thought this was man cave? Just for men?

Oh, right. Is secret from son.

(DOOR SLAMMING)

You should install grill.

Today I get my room back.

So, I don't normally chew gum, but my dentist made me.

And he's kind of scary-looking.

Got it!

At last! My collection is complete!

Or should I say, gum-plete! I... What?

Hi, roomie! I cleaned this whole place, top to bottom.

My underwear pile. Clean and neatly folded!

My beanbag chair. Washed and disinfected!

My carpet, pristine! My ceiling, looked at!

And my diorama... You even updated it!

I can't believe you did this!

(SCREAMS)

(PANTING)

Where's my gum collection?

Oh, your plaque full of nasty chewed gum? Here it is.

KICK: Come and get it.

(GROWLING)

DAD: Bradley!

(SIGHS) My room, all to myself.

BRIANNA: If you're gonna stay in my room, you're gonna live by my rules.

No underwear on the floor, no stinky beanbag chairs, no gum.

There, now, don't you look beautiful?

Boy, this room complete dump.

Smell funny, too. But not matter.

This room all for you, Harry!

Thanks, Magnus.

KICK: 2:30 on the nose. Time to watch Wade do some footbaggin'.

No one's better at footbaggin' than...

Wade?

Wade? Hello? Wade? Wade? Are you here?

It's not like Wade to leave donuts on the ceiling.

You're right.

On the floors and walls, sure, but never the ceiling.

Wade?

(EXCLAIMS)

He said he'd be here.

Something's not right.

(SIREN APPROACHING)

GUNTHER: It's Inspector Finecomb! The city safety inspector!

Excuse me, boys. Time for the Food 'N' Fix safety inspection.

(CHUCKLES)

Yep, me and ol' Paddy the citation pad have been shuttin' down stores all day.

Mellowbrook Hospital had needles everywhere.

Shut it down!

Mellowbrook Hardware had nails on the shelves!

Shut it down!

And Mr. Munchie's Ice Cream? Unauthorized mixtures.

Some wise guy put cookies in the cream!

Shut it down!

(CHUCKLES) And here we have the Food 'N' Fix.

Maybe I'll find some streaks of Sloshy.

Or donuts on the ceiling! I don't know! (CHUCKLES)

And then I'll shut it down! And fire whoever works here!

But sir, the Food 'N' Fix is already the safest place in Mellowbrook.

(CHUCKLES) No donuts on the ceiling here.

The place you should go is, uh... Stringzeez.

Yeah. I hear their puppets bite people.

That's absurd. I mean they kick people.

Ridiculous. I mean they have a loose floorboard.

What! Not on my watch!

I'll be back in 30 minutes.

And if even one thing is out of place when I get back,

the Food 'N' Fix gets shut down forever!

Safety first, children.

We've got 30 minutes to find Wade.

We'll start with these Sloshy footprints. They lead over there.

Wade's cap. And there's something weird on it.

Chili Rito sauce.

(GASPS) Wade's been turned into a Chili Rito!

Or he went to the Chili Rito stand.

Excuse me, have you seen our friend?

His name's Wade. Tall, lanky, smells like incense.

Works at Food 'N' Fix. He's older.

BOY: I saw your friend.

He came by half an hour ago.

Here, I drew him. KICK: Oh, no!

Wade was crying!

No. I draw everyone with tears.

Who are these thugs?

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

(BOTH CHITTERING)

(GASPS) Forget about the safety inspector, Gunther!

Wade's been kidnapped! By aliens!

We gotta find them. Which way did they go?

Hurry, Gunther!

Why don't we just call Wade?

Good idea, Gunther.

GUNTHER: Wade!

Or we can call him on the phone.

Hello? Who is this? Where's Wade?

What? A million dollar ransom?

Yes, a million bucks and a cool, refreshing glass of milk.

Why do you have Wade's phone?

I heard it ringing in those bushes.

Then why did you ask for a ransom?

'Cause we can use the money to find Wade. Duh!

As for the milk, it provides essential vitamins and calcium for my growing body.

(GASP) Wade was typing a text when he dropped his phone!

(READING) Danger Dude, help me...

Danger Dude!

Danger Dude!

(OSKAR GROWLING)

KICK: Wade's limited edition hand-stitched Corinthian leather footbag!

He never lets that thing out of his sight!

Oskar, we need that footbag to find Wade.

(WHISTLES)

So, give it to us...

No!

(PANTING)

Gunther, we've gotta find that dog or we'll never find Wade.

I've seen Wade!

(EXCLAIMS)

Jackie! You've seen Wade? Did I ever!

He just pulled off the most awesome stunt in history!

Most awesome non-Kick stunt, I mean.

I was standing here recording in the hopes you would walk by, as I do every day.

Then this happened...

Oh, Wacky Jackie! You look so pretty and I want to marry you and...

Uh, Jackie? Why don't we just fast-forward a little?

WACKY JACKIE: (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Oops.

WACKY JACKIE: Huh? What's that?

Whoa!

Finally! Don Zaza has his own billboard!

And I pay extra for the non-breakable kind.

(CRYING)

Wow, that was awesome.

But not as awesome as kissing you, dear, sweet Jackie.

KICK: Okay, we're good.

Wade's gotta be close!

Wade! Wade, if you can hear me, call my name.

Can you hear us? It's Gunther.

Maybe if I recreate Wade's shopping cart jump, I'll end up wherever he did.

GUNTHER: I dunno, Kick. This could be totally lethal.

We have to do this, Gunther. For Wade.

It's the only way to find out what happened.

(GULPS) You're right.

For Wade!

Insult to injury!

(GRUNTING)

My spleen...

Wade?

Wade! I found you.

Wade! You're alive!

Sure I am. This ain't the first pinecone that's been lodged in my mouth.

It's the second.

So glad we found you, Wade.

You were looking for me?

Of course we were!

BIG GUY: There he is.

Aliens!

Wade! Look out behind you!

Big Guy! Amigo Grande.

You mean these guys didn't kidnap you?

Kidnapped? I wasn't kidnapped.

Well, then how did you end up in a tree?

Allow me to tell you...

(MAKING TIME TRAVEL NOISES)

I had some time to kill, so I got my footbag game on for a while.

We decided to get our grub on at the Chili Rito stand...

After an unfortunate event with some Chili Rito sauce, we footed some bag.

Until tragedy struck.

I needed extra speed to catch Oskar and get my footbag back.

Wade will get hurt.

Shopping carts weren't built for hills like this.

Why do you guys always doubt me?

Would it kill you for once to say "Great idea, Amigo Grande"?

I don't call you that. Only Wade does. Your name is Richard!

Finally! Don Zaza has his own billboard.

And I pay extra for the non-breakable kind.

(CRYING)

The Big Dude was right.

The shopping cart was not a good idea.

Hey! Oh...

(MAKING TIME TRAVEL NOISES)

Sorry we didn't get your footbag back, Wade.

Yeah, that dog is impossible to catch.

No problem, amigos, thanks for trying.

So that's why you were texting me for help?

Yeah, that was way earlier. I couldn't remember where I lived.

But thanks for looking for me, anyway. Means a lot.

(SIRENS BLARING)

(GASPS) Kick, the inspector!

We forgot about him!

What inspector?

He's headed for the Food 'N' Fix!

There's no way we'll get there first!

He'll be here in three seconds!

That's more than enough time.

(CHUCKLING)

Wade, we meet again.

I'll take your word for it.

Well, you know what time it is.

Time to whip out ol' Paddy...

Prepare the pen I use for closin' stores...

And not use it at all!

Congratulations, guys! This is the safest store I've seen all year!

Amazing.

Now, I could use a nice, cold beverage from the freezer...

(OSKAR BARKING)

GUNTHER: Hey, it's Oskar.

KICK: And there's Wade's footbag!

Phew! Phew!

What? Is that a limited edition hand-stitched Corinthian leather footbag?

Correctomundo. You're into footbagging, too, dude?

1987 Footbagger of the year! Holla at me now!

Dude! I thought you looked familiar!

What do you say we go foot a little bag?

I'll go start the car. You pass!

Well, Wade, we're glad you're okay.

And that we helped save your job.

Thanks, dudes, but you didn't save my job. You saved the new guy's job.

New guy? New guy?

We hired someone to work part-time.

I've been off the clock for hours.

You saved his job.

(YAWNS) Thanks for saving my job, dillweed!

This job rules, too. Paid nap time.

(LAUGHS)

But the best part? Free ice-cold beverages!

Now, outta my way, dillweed.

(BRAD SCREAMING)

The ice-cold beverages! They burn!

Well, this turned out all right. Food 'N' Fix is saved.

And Wade even has a new footbagging friend.

I did not see that coming.

FINECOMB: Shut it down!

You just had to bite the inspector, didn't you?