Original subtitles

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski, Buttowski

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick Buttowski! ♪

Ah, thank you, Mr. The Ductator.

Nothing like an entire house full of new duct work.

Hey, what happened to that giant pile of old ducts?

And my new assistant?

Yeah, Ductator. (CHUCKLES)

Okay, Gunther, this is what Saturdays are all about.

Ooh! Ooh! Me next!

Ooh! Ooh! Not me next!

Quit messing around, Kick!

Today is your sister's pageant marathon.

No, not the pageant! Anything but the pageant!

You're not going to the pageant.

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

You're going to your grandpa's!

No! Not Grandpa's! Anything but Grandpa's!

Oh, come on, now. What's so bad about Grandpa?

His voice is weird. He always wears the same thing.

And his butt sticks out.

You might have more in common with him than you think.

Doubtful.

How do you feel about Chinese checkers?

Nah.

How do you feel about skateboarding?

Eh.

Okay you two, I'll be back later tonight.

Don't have too much fun.

BOTH: Eh.

You want something to eat?

I got oat mush, carrot mush and awesome mush.

Awesome mush?

It's got oats and carrots.

Don't you have any non-mush?

Nope. Non-mush doesn't go so well with non-teeth.

(SQUEAKS)

That wasn't me.

(TOOTS)

That was me.

(YAWNING)

(SNORING)

I know what you think of me.

That I'm old, boring and gross.

-You want to be outside.

-Yes!

-You want to be challenged!

-Pushed!

-Run through the wringer!

-Well, I've got just the ticket. -Yes?

We're going to clean the garage!

No.

That box goes under the thingus.

Wow. Is that you?

A long time ago. I was in the military.

(READING)

You fought enemies?

Yeah, behind their lines. That's what spies do.

You were a spy?

Darn tootin' I was!

And I was the best there ever...

Ah, you don't want to hear about any of that stuff.

I do!

Well, there sure is a lot of work around here.

Cleaning! So, you, spying? Behind enemy lines?

That's right. My mission was to help take down a vicious enemy dictator.

Mom said you were a delivery boy.

I was. But that was just the beginning.

Back in the day, I was the best darn delivery person

anyone had ever seen.

Yeah, things were swell, until that sack came along.

Honored to meet you. I hope the sack was to your liking.

Did you have to fill it with dirty underwear?

Yeah, it was a laundry sack.

We ran out of sacking sacks.

Anyway, we've been observing your delivery skills for a long time.

You're an ace.

And now your country needs you for a top-secret mission.

When do I start?

What's the password?

We need you to head overseas

and use your remarkable delivery skills

to grab a package from a chemistry lab.

Who's the dillweed? Why did I call him that?

That's the evil dictator who's taken over the area you're headed to,

Tankinistan.

Once you get the package, take it to this airstrip.

Then return with the package to Mellowbrook.

What's in the package?

It's a powerful rocket fuel called Jaguar Juice.

(JAGUAR GROWLING)

Made from the gas of real jaguars.

(FLATULENCE)

If it falls into the hands of the enemy,

they're sure to win the war.

You can count on me, sir.

Now let's get you some transportation.

A motorcycle? I only got one left.

And it's right behind that picture of a way better bike.

Well, at least the tires are inflated.

I can fix that up in a flash.

And by a flash, I mean three hours.

Well, here she is!

It looks exactly the same.

True, true. But there's a whole lot of upgrades.

AM radio, mouthwash dispenser.

Minty fresh!

And then we have the peas de resistance:

a state of the art butt-warmer.

CHORUS: ♪ Boogie-woogie Butt warmer! ♪

Now remember, follow the map to the package,

then use this password, which I will only tell you once.

The password is...

(LOUD WHIRRING)

Wait, what? I didn't hear the password!

Of course you shouldn't fear the password!

Long as you know it, that is.

Now go!

And don't press the red button!

He pressed it.

KICK: So what happened next?

GRANDPA: Next? They threw me out of a plane.

What? I didn't know you were thrown out of an airplane!

There's a lot you don't know about me, kid.

For example, I want that box right over there.

But what I didn't know was I was being watched.

Here are the adorable puppies you asked for, sir.

Put them on the desk. I'll deal with them later.

(LAUGHING SINISTERLY)

Soon, the axis of evil will spread throughout the land.

And Tankinistan will envelop all of Europe,

and eventually, the world.

And nothing will stop me!

What's that?

What the... It's a spy!

Capture him, and bring him to me!

-Yes, sir! -Yes, sir!

(LAUGHING SINISTERLY)

Where was I? Oh!

GRANDPA: Here's a little tip.

If you're ever parachuting in enemy territory while landing on a motorcycle,

always start your engine in mid-air.

KICK: Why?

So you can land and do a real cool wheelie.

Halt! Who sent you?

Yeah, what do you want?

Halt? I don't halt for anybody.

Pantsy, the bazooka!

(LAUGHS) We got you, now tell us who you are!

I don't have to tell you anything.

Especially when there's a barbed-wire fence between us.

Looks like you boys are on the wrong side of freedom.

Well, that could have gone better.

Come on, he's getting away!

KICK: Did you lose them?

GRANDPA: Had to. I was on a mission.

You squish my biscuits!

GRANDPA: And so I scoured the village until I found my destination.

I just hope my new hair remover works.

Yep, it works.

I'm here for the package.

I can't give you the package till you give me the password.

The password? Well, you see...

I'm shot!

With bullets! Oh!

This is it, it's over.

Mmm! Doughy bullets.

Those aren't bullets. They're biscuits.

Biscuits! That's the password!

Swell. All right, hand over the package.

I'm the package!

You're the package? I thought it was some rocket fuel.

Yep. And the formula's all up here.

Ow!

He's moved on to the hard rolls.

We gotta get to that airstrip before he finds the breadsticks!

Too late!

Let's go.

That'll teach you to squish my biscuits!

Hmm, powerful rocket fuel!

Mmm, hard rolls!

Come on, let's go tell the big cheese!

Mmm, cheese!

GRANDPA: With the package in my possession,

it was time to get to the airstrip.

We blasted through meadows, we blasted through cornfields,

we even blasted through polar ice caps!

Wait a second, an ice cap?

Just seeing if you were paying attention.

Oh, I am! What happened next?

Well, I thought we were home free, but we weren't.

What will those goons do if they catch me?

It varies. Might involve needles or pliers.

Just as long as they don't chew with their mouths open.

Hmm, that dame looks like she's up to something.

Oh, her? That's just Finky McTellsalot.

Don't really know much about old Finky,

except she sure likes telling, a lot.

(GASPS) She's telling!

No way! Not Finky!

GRANDPA: It was only 2 kilometers to the airstrip.

I knew the dictator and his goons must be close behind.

(SIGHS) Mission accomplished!

DICTATOR: Not quite!

He's got the rocket fuel formula inside his head,

and I'm gonna get it out.

Then you and your stupid country are going down!

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, Dictator!

No matter what you do to me, I won't spill the beans.

Oh, don't worry.

I don't expect you to talk.

I expect you to splat!

(LAUGHING SINISTERLY)

Now tie up the little meatball!

(SNICKERS) Meatball.

(SCREAMING)

CHORUS: ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo Cliff-hanger! ♪

KICK: So you were falling out of control

through the sky, without a parachute?

Okay, not out of control, but falling nonetheless.

GRANDPA: That's right.

There I was, deep in enemy territory,

when things took a turn for the...

Well, you'll see.

What the biscuits?

Untie me and fight like a man!

Hiya! Huh?

I'm your biggest fan!

I've been keeping up with you since you were

delivering newspapers! Remember that?

Wait. If someone was your biggest fan,

why would she tie you up?

You ever have somebody so nuts for you,

they want to keep you all to themselves?

Hi, Kick!

Sadly, yes.

Well, that was this dame.

You're the whole reason I joined the resistance.

You're part of the resistance?

How else would I have gotten this plane?

I was gonna storm the enemy base, but...

Well, yeah, you can see what happened.

This is perfect! You can fly me to the enemy base, and...

Oh, no! I can't fly anymore,

or even think about flying, without getting the heebie-jeebies!

Cool down, sister. Nobody's asking you to fly.

But I am asking you to let me go.

I need to complete my super-secret mission, and...

(GASPS) Super-secret mission?

Now I can't let you go. Unless you take me with you.

No! Absolutely not! That would make everything so much more...

Difficult.

It's a dead end. I thought you said the base was this way!

It is! It's right... See?

Way over there?

It's just a little tiny dot, past all those other little tiny dots!

That? It'll take days to get there! Unless...

You made a hang glider?

Out of a giant pair of pants.

Where did you get a giant pair of pants?

Uh...

Found them?

Anyway, it might not have looked pretty, but it got us onto the base.

Are you okay? Of course!

Hang-gliding is super-duper!

Why wouldn't I be okay?

Well, technically, we're flying.

We are? (SCREAMING)

Stop! We're gonna crash!

Nothing could possibly calm me down!

Except an engagement ring.

My goggles!

GUARD: Hey, you hear something?

Complete your mission, then come back and marry me!

Shh! You're gonna get us caught.

Ooh, look at me!

I snuck into your fancy base!

An intruder!

And she's taunting us! Get her!

Ha! You can't catch me!

I wanna speak to my lawyer!

He'll have you brought down on charges!

So, do you guys like cat impressions?

I know you're hiding something. Now tell me what it is!

Never! I won't tell!

Spill your guts, or I'll spill them for you!

Do your worst.

All right, then. You asked for it.

(GASPS)

(SCREAMS) You brute!

Not chewing with your mouth open! Okay, I'll talk!

(CACKLES) No!

What the...

You! I pushed you out of the plane!

And I'm still alive!

So either you're lousy, or I'm aces.

Ahhh! The minty fresh! It burns!

BOTH: Ahhh! The minty fresh does burn!

Hey! Give me the hose!

Hey, I think we're almost out.

(FLUSHING)

Ah, sweet release. Now, where was I? Ah, yes!

(BOTH COUGHING)

(LAUGHING SINISTERLY)

Do it, your dictatorship! Do it!

Paste his ugly mug!

Yeah, hit me while they hold me down. Real brave.

Let him up!

(SHRIEKS)

(ANNOUNCER READING)

(CACKLES HYSTERICALLY)

Yay!

Look, behind you!

Hang on!

Get them!

Fruit stand ahead!

Chickens!

Men carrying glass!

(YOWLING)

That was cat at the dentist.

And for my next impression, cat in a car wash!

(YOWLS)

Hold on.

BOTH: Yeah!

Oh! So you couldn't wait to marry me!

There's no way out!

You're right. So we'll make one!

We did it!

Now we just gotta get out of... (LOUD RUMBLING)

Um, what's that noise?

Tanks for the memories!

Hey, hold still so I can shoot you!

(COUGHS)

Mommy?

Look! There's the stolen plane!

Yay!

I'm gonna need you to fly this plane.

Yeah, well, I need you to marry me,

but that hasn't happened yet.

I'm serious.

So am I.

Just fly the plane, and then maybe we'll see about the other thing.

He said maybe!

All right! Great job!

Do they make "maybe" wedding invitations?

(EXCLAIMS)

You haven't gotten away yet!

Hit the brakes! He's got a bazooka!

No one is getting in the way of my "maybe" wedding!

Stupid, lame bazooka!

(SCREAMS)

Dictator to base! Dictator to base!

Dictator to base! Dictator to...

YOUNG GRANDPA: Turn the plane around!

(SCREAMS)

For bravery behind enemy lines.

Thank you, sir. I brought you a little something extra.

GRANDPA: I saved the best delivery for last.

That fuel formula helped us defeat the dictator's army.

Awesome, Grandpa! You single-handedly captured the enemy leader?

Well, I used two hands.

And you jumped out of a plane,

and made a hang glider from pants,

and drove a motorcycle backwards, and...

Told you there's a lot you didn't know about me.

Now look, I know you didn't want to spend your Saturday here.

I know this was rough for you.

There's something I want you to have.

Your motorcycle?

What, you think I'm gonna give you my bike? (CHUCKLES)

What would I ride? Keep dreaming, kid.

I'm giving you these!

(ENGINE REVVING) And you're gonna need them.

Get ready for the ride of your life!

Out of gas. Darn it!

Don't worry, Grandpa. I had a great day with you!

Oh, it's not over yet!

KICK: Whoa! Yeah!

What does this button do?

Dang.