Original subtitles

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski, Buttowski

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick Buttowski! ♪

Time for a three-pointer.

(SCREAMS)

Breaking news! As you can see and hear behind me,

Mellowbrook's streets are jammed in what looks to be

this city's most extreme traffic jam!

It appears the Loopty Loop of Lacerations,

a key attraction at the Gnarly Games in California,

has apparently broken down right here in Mellowbrook!

The Loopty Loop of Lacerations! It's here!

The Loop was made infamous

when motocross star Dirt Bike Mike attempted to tame the third loop,

only to be chewed up and spit out by the Loop's crushing g-forces.

(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

My time has come!

(HUMMING)

Gunther! It's here!

-You mean... -Yes.

The Loopty Loop of Lacerations? In Mellowbrook?

Yep. And we're gonna ride it!

-We? -That's right, Gunther.

I'm gonna need you on this one.

Me? But even Dirt Bike Mike couldn't...

And I know why. I'll explain on the way.

A stunt like this comes once in a daredevil's lifetime.

(GASPS) I forgot!

I gotta clean the garage before my dad comes home.

He's hosting his Yaks Lodge meeting here tonight.

But the Loop! We may never get this chance again!

Kick, everything has to be perfect

when the Yaks play their ancestral sport,

foosball!

Foosball?

GUNTHER: A thousand years ago, Viking tribes came from far and wide

to compete in a brand new sport called foosball.

(GRUNTING)

(GROWLS)

(ALL CHEERING)

So you see, Kick, I can't go with you.

As a Viking, I must stay and clean.

Bwar!

Or, we can do this my way and hit the highway, and ride that Loop!

(SCREAMS)

It's clean!

To the extreme.

The foosball table! Destroyed!

Kick, foosball is required at all Yaks Lodge meetings.

Do you have any idea what they'll do to me?

I'm doomed! (SOBS) Doomed!

Gunther, this is my fault.

We'll go to the store and get you a new foosball table

before they get back.

And then we wax that Loopty Loop of Lacerations.

Right!

But my dad gets home in two hours.

In that case, we better take this sweet ride to the store.

MAN: Attention, Bed, Bath and Barbarian customers.

There's a Nordic ship with its lights on.

Our cheapest table is $100.

-(GRUNTS) -A hundred bucks?

-I've got 20. -Well, I guess that'll be fine

as soon as you get the rest.

-(GRUNTS) -But...

Kick, what are we gonna do?

(SOBBING)

Where are we gonna get the other $40?

Actually, Gunther, it's 80.

(SOBBING)

Maybe we can get him to lower the price.

I know someone who always gets what she wants.

I am quite capable.

But it's going to cost you.

Isn't this enough?

More imaginary tea?

This is just standard protocol for being in my room, Clarence.

If you want my help,

you've gotta find me a hot tub to use before my pageant.

-A hot tub? -Yes.

Bubbles beautify, don't you know?

Invisible crumpet?

Of course you can use my hot tub.

-Yes! -Sweet!

If you can unclog whatever's caught in my bubble drain.

MAN: (ON RADIO) The Loopty Loop of Lacerations

is still stuck in the middle of Mellowbrook,

but help is on the way, so the Loopty Loop should be gone soon!

(GASPS) The clog is too far down.

We need someone with long arms and an embarrassing lack of muscle.

(STRAINING)

Three! Phew!

Two reps! That's a new personal best! Yeah, Brad!

Well? Forget it, dillweed.

I'm going to the mall.

Gonna get the Hamburger on a Stick girl to give me her number.

Um, (PANTS) could I have your, uh,

dig... Uh...

Have your, uh...

Mustard packet?

Yeah, thank you.

And this time, I'm gonna get it. Yeah, Brad!

How are you getting to the mall

when your bike's got a flat?

(CHUCKLES) Oh.

Loan us your arm, and we've got a sweet ride.

(SCOFFS) Just another mustard packet.

Mustard packet or not, we brought you here.

Now you gotta hold up your end of the bargain.

Not till I get her number!

Gunther.

(FUNK GUITAR PLAYING)

-(GIRL GIGGLING) -Best time to call is between 6:30 and 8:00.

What? You got it? How?

Women find me irresistible.

It is my gift. It is my curse.

Gunther got you the digits, now you lend us your arm!

(GASPS) I got a hold of it!

Now it's got me. (CHOKING)

It's pulling me in! (SCREAMS)

Not this time, hot tub.

-(BOTH GRUNTING) -Come on!

(SCREAMS) You're ripping my arm off!

Whoa!

Huh? What's this?

(SHRIEKS) It's the thing from the drain!

It's still got me! Help! Be gone, foul monster!

(GROANS)

Kick!

What is that?

I don't know. It looks like some kind of

under... Whoa, my goodness!

(ALL SCREAMING)

BRAD: Grody!

Um, hello? Like, where are the bubbles?

Oh, that's right! I forgot to pay the bubble bill.

No bubbles, no Brianna.

(SCREAMS) No foosball table!

Gotta find some way to make bubbles.

Ah. Bubbles!

Mmm. Lingonberries!

(FARTS)

(BRIANNA SCREAMING)

Stop! Okay, $20! Just turn her off!

(SNAPS) My work here is done.

We did it, Gunther.

Now to get this thing back to your garage,

then get us to the Loopty Loop of Lacerations.

Just a short trip home, then we ride that Loop.

Can you smell the awesome?

(SNIFFS) All I can smell is my dad.

And there he goes! We're too late!

Don't worry, Gunther. He's stuck in the traffic jam with everyone else.

(CARS HONKING)

You don't know my dad.

Bwar! Traffic jam!

Oars! Stroke!

Doomed! Don't worry.

We'll get you home.

Besides, that Loop isn't going anywhere.

Well, folks, the Loop is finally going somewhere! (CARS HONKING)

And by the sounds of these drivers, not a moment too soon!

Kick! The Loop! It's leaving!

If we hurry, we might be able to catch it!

No, Gunther. I have to get you home.

But the Loop!

A stunt like this only comes once in a daredevil's lifetime!

It's okay, Gunther, it just wasn't meant to be.

Besides, I got you into this,

and now I'm gonna get you out of it.

(GRUNTING)

Let's roll.

Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!

They're good!

They got some mad oaring skills, yo! We'll never pass them!

Stroke!

Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!

It's gonna take an act of Thor to pass them now!

Or a Loopty Loop of Lacerations!

You mean...

We're gonna ride that thing after all! Swerve left!

Ollie! Grind!

(SCREAMING)

Lean forward, Gunther! We need your weight up front!

What?

We need your weight up front!

That's why Dirt Bike Mike failed.

He didn't have the necessary Gunther-weight!

I was born for this moment!

(CHIRPING) Look!

ALL: Bwar! Foosbwar! Foosbwar! Foosbwar!

Bwar! Foosbwar! Foosbwar! Foosbwar!

Open up in the name of the Yaks!

Hmm. Nice and clean.

Huh? Bwar! That is not my table.

Sure it is. We just added wheels.

These days you gotta be mobile. Whoa!

(SIGHS)

(ANGRY GRUNTING)

It's cool. I'm okay.

Well, Gunther, this was a good day's work.

Yep! Even this part, totally worth it.

ALL: Goal!

At least we'll always have the Loop.

And here again is that amazing footage of the mystery stuntmen

doing something even the legendary Dirt Bike Mike couldn't do!

BJORGEN: When Vikings are up against an unbeatable foe,

we bring them a giant wooden dragon

-(DOORBELL CHIMES) -as a gift.

Can someone get that, please?

(DOORBELL CHIMES)

Can someone get the door?

Oh, I guess I will!

BJORGEN: It is the greatest Viking war trick of all time.

The enemy brings the wooden beast into his castle.

This will make a wonderful centerpiece!

The enemy doesn't suspect the gift contains our fiercest warriors!

Vikings always find a way.

And this is why my suitcase is a wooden dragon.

BOTH: Sweet!

Well, I'm off on a vacation! (CHUCKLES)

Service!

While your Uncle Bjorgen is on vacation, Gunther,

you must wash all dishes.

Aw, not the dishes.

Hmm. Or perhaps you'd prefer collecting eggs from the Kraken.

(ROARING)

Hand me some rubber gloves and call me "Dishy!"

Bwar! We also need new delivery man.

I'd be an amazing delivery man!

Not just regular delivery man. Fast one.

Food to you in 29 minutes or less, or it's free!

29 minutes? Why not 30?

Must beat competition! Bwar!

Well, no one's faster than me!

Whoa! I can't hold them! I can't hold them!

No one's faster!

You are new delivery man! Bwar! Bwar!

(BELL DINGS)

Order up for delivery!

Kick Buttowski shall not fail.

Bwar! Bwar! Bwar!

(DOOR OPENS)

(CLEARS THROAT) I, uh, forgot the order.

Twenty-nine minutes or less!

With 28 minutes to spare.

Bwar!

(RINGING)

Hello, BattleSnax? Bwar!

(RINGING)

Bwar! BattleSnax!

Business. She booms!

Made my last delivery in three minutes.

East Mellowbrook, apartment building, 14th floor,

elevator out of service because the building was flooded.

Good tipper, too.

Ah, all finished.

Good. Now you can collect eggs from Kraken.

Um... Think I have some last minute dishes to do!

(RINGING)

Hello, BattleSnax?

(GASPS) It is The Dark One!

-(GASPS) -(GASPS)

Service!

Who's The Dark One?

He always gets meals free!

Bjorgen never made the delivery on time.

He's bad for business!

-He's cruel! -He's cold!

-He's calculating! -Service!

Relax.

When Kick Buttowski says he's gonna deliver, he delivers.

Bwar! Bwar! Bwar!

Well, see you guys.

This isn't far away at all. Twelve minutes, tops. And there it is.

The Dark One. Phew.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(WATCH ALARM BEEPING)

Dinner is on you!

Hey, you cheated!

You fail!

Who is this guy?

The Dark One has been getting free food for six Wolf Moons!

Is okay. Dark One only order once a month.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello, BattleSnax? Hold please.

(GASPS) The Dark One! Another order!

-(GASPS) -(SCREAMS)

Service!

You're gonna pay for this meal, Dark One.

That's "The Dark One" to you.

And I'm gonna place orders all the time

so I can see you fail all the time. Enjoy.

That's it! We cancel policy!

But guys, don't Vikings always find a way?

That's right, Gunther. They do.

And so does Kick Buttowski.

(RINGING)

(CACKLING)

(WATCH ALARM BEEPING)

Fail!

(RINGING)

What is this, the world's longest freight train?

(WATCH ALARM BEEPING)

Fail.

(RINGING)

Got here with 27 minutes to spare!

-(WATCH ALARM BEEPING) -Biscuits.

(RINGING)

Viking pot pie? Got it.

Got you this time, Dark One.

(CRASHING)

(WATCH ALARM BEEPING)

Fail. (CACKLES)

Show your face, Dark One!

Never! You shan't ever know the secret identity of

The Dark One.

The Dark One? You get out here right now!

Kendall? What are you doing here?

Ronaldo?

Okay, so you know the secret identity of

The Dark One.

Doesn't mean you're gonna fail any less.

We'll see about that. Until the next delivery.

Until the next delivery, Buttowski!

(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)

(COUGHS)

Uh, yes, Kendall, my darling? Anything wrong?

So, this is why you couldn't attend my debate club match?

Did I mention you're beautiful?

Here's the deal, Ronaldo.

I want a romantic gesture.

Something big, something unexpected, something expensive.

And I want it tomorrow night.

Or we're through!

Oh, I think I can do that. Romantic, unexpected,

and free.

(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)

(COUGHS) I love you?

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

I got it! Thank you for calling BattleSnax. Bwar!

It's The Dark One with another order!

He ordered the 14-course Gourmet Viking Tasting Menu

(GASPS) with extra gourmet.

(SCREAMING)

Service!

See you in 29 minutes or more.

(CACKLING)

That's the largest item on our menu!

If The Dark One gets this for free,

we'll go out of business for sure!

No! I will make the delivery on time.

Somehow... (CRASHING NOISE)

Eh, such lousy service.

And careful of my wooden dragon suitcase!

You want everything to come falling out of it?

Bingo.

(CACKLES) I'd like to see Buttowski

get through my force field in 29 minutes or less.

KENDALL: Oh, my! Ronaldo!

It's so wonderful!

-(GASPS) -A homemade statue of me?

This is exactly the kind of big,

unexpected romantic gesture I've been wanting!

Uh, well, I'm, uh, glad!

Yes, I made it for you, my sweet!

Aw. (GRUNTS)

Careful, my darling! Mind the force field.

So romantic.

Just wait till dinner!

The delivery should be here in 19 seconds,

-and if not, well... -(ALPHORN BLOWING)

It wasn't me.

BOTH: Bwar!

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

Bwar!

BOTH: Bwar! Bwar! Bwar!

(GRUNTS)

I'm out of here!

Wait, wait! Kendall, please! Wait!

But none of this is my fault!

If you hadn't brought in that stupid thing...

(SNARLS) Stupid thing?

So now the giant wooden statue of me is just a stupid thing?

But... No, Kendall, please wait!

(GRUNTS)

(WATCH ALARM BEEPING)

(LAUGHS) On time.

We realize you have a choice when choosing Nordic food,

so we'd like to thank you for choosing BattleSnax.

Here's your bill.

How much? I don't have that kind of money!

Oh, I think we can work something out.

(LAUGHS) This is it? Dishes?

That's the best you can do?

How cliche! I'll have these done in two seconds.

Uh-uh. Dishes are my job.

But we are running low on Kraken eggs.

(SCOFFS) No problem. I think I can handle getting a few eggs.

(ROARING)

(SCREAMING)

Well, it looks like everything worked out.

Yeah, Kick, you really delivered.

BJORGEN: Service!

Well, I'm back from vacation.

Welcome back, Uncle Bjorgen!

Did you have a good time?

Not really. The service was horrible.