Original subtitles

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski, Buttowski

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick Buttowski! ♪

Kick, Kick!

Check it out, Gunther.

I'm about to re-create the ending of Rock Callahan's mega-movie

(BONES CRUNCH) Rock Callahan's Turbo Jetpack.

Gonna need to go cordless.

Kick, you gotta see what's on Rock Callahan's website!

Rock on, all you Rock Callahan fans!

This is me, (BONES CRUNCH) Rock Callahan,

and I'm comin' for ya!

He said that in Here I Come, Ready Or Not!

The next time you look for me,

I'll already be crossing the street!

That line's from El Jaywalker!

Future award winner and dolphin savior, Rock Callahan,

will be at the Mellowbrook Outdoor Stadium

for a high-voltage rock concert and pyrotechnics display.

(ALL CHEERING)

The greatest action star in the history of action and stars

is going to be breathing the same air as us!

Which means I should probably lay off the lingonberries.

And two of my luckiest fans get to sit right next to me, Rock Callahan.

As long as you don't hog the armrest.

That needs to be me!

Yeah! With you on one side and me on the other,

Rock Callahan and us will become best friends for sure.

Hey, Kick, I'll go high, and you go low.

And the world can thank us later.

That was a blast.

Yeah! Or even better...

Hey, Gunther, I'll go high, and you go low.

And the world can thank us later.

A five, six, seven, eight!

(BOTH PLAYING MUSIC)

(SIGHING HAPPILY)

I get to be thrilled by the sight of me every day,

but if you want to see me in person...

buy a ticket at your local Food'N'Fix!

We need to get down there, Kick, as fast as we... can.

KICK: The tickets cost how much?

A big old wad of cash.

(CHUCKLES) Plus tax.

We could tap into my horn of plenty.

It's where I keep coins I find on the floor at Battlesnax,

plus money I get on my birthdays and Saint Olaf's Eve.

So how much do you have?

Sadly, I spent everything I had on this new horn of plenty.

I might have a few bucks.

(CROAKING)

Darn it! We need to make some money, Gunther, fast!

Hey, you know, my stepmom's always after me to mow her lawn.

(CHUCKLING) Also, to move out of her basement,

but that lawn-mowin' thing is something she might pay you to do.

And so might everybody else.

We could be business partners.

You and me!

MALE VOICE: ♪ Kick and Gunther!

This is going to be great!

Best friends, working together!

♪ Gunther and Kick!

Rock Callahan's biggest fans

are about to be sitting side-by-side,

with Rock Callahan in between!

♪ Rock, Kick and Gunther!

♪ Don't hog the armrests! ♪

BOTH: All thanks to the Grassman Kick and Gunther Lawn Mowing Service!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, rewind, amigos.

'Cause there's only one of those mega-expensive tickets left.

(EXCLAIMING) Only one?

Now that's a problem.

I... (GULPS) guess I should be nice, Kick, and let you have it.

No, no, Gunther, I couldn't. You take it.

Okay. What do you mean, "Okay"?

You're supposed to say, "After you!"

I did, then you said...

It doesn't matter what I said!

I'm a way bigger Rock Callahan fan than you are!

I should get to see him!

Oh, yeah? You wouldn't even know he was coming

if I hadn't shown you the website!

And you wouldn't know how to do this... (BONES CRUNCH)

if I hadn't spent all day, every day last summer teaching you!

Well, this is quite the ticket-buying dilemma.

But friends always work things out, so...

Here's how it's going to work,

I'm going to earn the money and buy that ticket myself.

Yeah, except that "I'm" is me and "myself" is also me!

Keep that ticket safe until tomorrow, Wade,

because in the morning, I start cuttin' grass!

Let's rock! (BONES CRUNCH)

Let's rock! (BONES CRUNCH)

Let's rock! (BONES CRUNCH)

(LAWNMOWER SQUEAKING)

Mom!

Oh, Kick, isn't this nice?

Gunther came over early to mow our lawn!

Up before the sun, your day is best begun!

Aw, biscuits.

I guess the early bird gets the worm.

And by "worm," I mean, "the seat right next to Rock Callahan."

You've won this round, Grassman.

But get ready to eat my mulch!

Whew!

Oh, yeah?

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMS)

Oh, yeah.

(PANTS)

(EXHALES)

Yes, my friend. I pay you big bucks to mow lawn!

I give you contract.

Done.

Now time for mowing back of yard!

Backyard?

Or perhaps I should hire instead the Grassman Gunther.

No, no. I'm on it.

Hey, dude-bro,

might be easier for you using riding mower in shed.

(SCREAMS)

Done.

Looking what you have done!

Turning my backyard into very much like arena for dirt bikes!

But this is beneficial to me,

so I can charge good money for the use.

Outstanding!

(EXCLAIMS) Add 'em up, Buttowski.

Each of these signs means more dollars in my pocket,

minus the cost of the actual signs, of course.

Well, I've been a money machine, too.

And not just from cutting grass.

(SHUDDERS) That was worth the extra dollar.

Don't judge me.

One more job and I'll have enough money

to sit next to Rock Callahan.

One more and I'm there, first!

KICK: I'm here first! GUNTHER: No, me!

So, you want to mow my lawn, eh?

Which one of you will I pick to do the job?

What's that, Oskar? (BARKS)

They should race?

What a delicious idea! You heard him.

Go ahead, I'll split the money between the two of you, fifty-fifty.

So whoever gets the money first...

Is the one who gets to buy the ticket first.

(LAWNMOWERS STARTING)

On your marks...

Get set...

(REVVING ENGINE)

Still getting set...

(TEETH CHATTER)

Go!

(SCREAMS)

(BARKING)

Look out!

BOTH: I'm here to buy the ticket!

I got here first! I got here first!

That ticket is mine! No way, it's mine!

(SLURPS) You throw like a girl!

A girl who's gonna sit next to Rock Callahan!

Rock Callahan hates you!

Rock Callahan wouldn't sit next to you with a ten foot pole!

That doesn't even make sense!

That's because there's nothing under that helmet of yours!

Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Dudes, come on now.

Wade has a solution!

(GASPS)

Now you each get half.

These are worthless!

Worthless? Oh, no, dang!

Well, I'll bet you two will figure out a way to see the show.

After all, you are bestest amigos.

(ALL CHEERING)

GUNTHER: Wow! Awesome!

KICK: Yeah, I'll say. So cool!

This is outstanding! All right!

Sweet!

See him? Yeah. Kind of.

Me, too. Sort of.

This is awesome. The two of us.

And right there is future award winner and dolphin savior...

(BONES CRUNCH)

BOTH: Rock Callahan.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Me neither.

♪ Bestest amigos! ♪

Lingonberry?

Don't mind if I do.

(FARTS)

(SNORING)

(AIR HORN SOUNDING) (SCREAMS)

(FARTING)

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, Brad.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hey! I'm in here. (TOILET FLUSHING)

Aah! Hot! Hot! (BRAD CACKLING)

BRAD: Then why don't you cool off?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, Brad.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, Brad.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, Brad.

Why! Why?

(GASPS)

(GRUNTING)

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, Brad.

(CACKLES)

Just for one day, can't I have a nice, normal brother?

Let's rock! (BONES CRUNCH)

Morning, Brother! Enjoy your day.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Occupied? No worries. I can wait.

Nice landing, Kick! Have an extreme day!

Hey, Kick, what's all the racket?

Get it? Racket?

You're holding rackets.

This whole day feels... different.

(GASPS) Is it opposite day? No.

(GASPS) Aah! Does that mean yes?

No! Something's wrong.

We have to find out what he's up to.

Gunther, time to tail Brad.

I've been waiting for this...

for years!

(SNIFFS)

(SNIFFS DEEPLY)

Brad buying flowers?

What could he be up to?

Good afternoon, dearest, sweet Kelly. (GASPING)

I brought you flowers!

Oh, they're wonderful!

I'll find out during the pep rally

if I'm officially a Mellowbrook cheerleader.

Will you be there? Of course I'll be there, my

(DISTORTED) girlfriend.

(GASPS) Hear that, Gunther? Brad's got a

(DISTORTED) girlfriend.

That's why he's been acting so nice!

He's in love.

Clearly! They ordered the romance platter.

KICK: Do you realize what this means?

BOTH: No more Brad!

(LAUGHING)

(CHEERING)

(CHEERING)

(SNIFFS) Ah, I love the smell of no Brad in the morning.

Horace and Pantsy? Brad's not here.

We know!

Then what are you doing here?

Lost.

Lost without Brad.

All we have is his couch.

On the cushion, the grease from his hair.

On the armrest, the smell of his feet.

On the seat, the groove of his butt.

(BOTH WAILING)

Brad!

Chocolates!

Yeah. I wanted to give you my heart.

But it turns out I need it to live.

Oh! Thank you! You're so thoughtful!

See you tonight!

Ugh.

What does that mean?

GUNTHER: Free chocolate! (GASPS) Psst! Gunther!

Magic bush?

You know, I never got that first wish.

It's me.

My wish came true!

I just saw some messed up stuff with Brad's girlfriend.

I think she might be up to something!

Maybe you can ask the magic bush?

I don't know, Gunther.

This whole thing with Brad having a beautiful girlfriend

just doesn't add up.

As we say in Norway,

"Something is rotten in the State of Denmark."

Although it could be the bacon in my pants.

Gunther, it's tailing time again.

I'm on it.

(BOTH EXCLAIM)

CHEERLEADERS: "O-W-L-S"! Go, Owls! Yay!

(SIGHS) This is hard.

Uh, the cheers?

No, dating a lame dork.

(LAUGHING)

You know the rules, Kelly.

In order to join us,

you have to spend a week dating a gross, terminally un-hip loser.

BOTH: Brad. And then I'm in.

A cheerleader for life.

Like old Mrs. Steinmetz.

Rah-rah, sis-boom... (EXCLAIMS) My hip!

Hey, Brad! (GIGGLING)

Awesome cargo pants.

Is that cologne?

I worked out this morning. Twice.

It's just pure Brad.

Oh!

(GIGGLING)

I just wanted to ask if I could take the stage at the pep rally,

to sing a song I'm writing about my amazing girlfriend.

Aw!

Oh, of course, honey!

(KISSING) (BLOWS)

What a loser! (LAUGHING)

I can't believe he wrote a song!

Writing is for losers! (BOTH GROWLING)

(GASPS) How perfect, Kelly!

You can dump him right there onstage!

In front of the whole school!

I don't know, guys. I'm not sure I can do that...

I knew it! She has a heart.

Unless I also douse him

with a dumpster full of cafeteria garbage.

That's brilliant! He's gonna get dumped two ways!

(ALL CHANTING) Brad Buttowski! What a chump!

Gonna get the double-dump!

I've got to tell Brad about Kelly.

Why? He's just gonna get what he deserves!

He's still my brother.

You better do it right away.

Why? Because I'm starting to get all wrinkly.

♪ Oh, Kelly! You are so...

Hmm. Uh, "Smelly" is good rhyme-wise.

But not quite the sentiment I'm going for.

Uh, Brad, you got a minute?

Sure, little bro! Come on, (HIGH-PITCHED) in!

Oh, boy. This is not gonna be easy.

What do you need? A little advice on love?

'Cause you are in the presence of the romance expert.

Sort of. Yeah, I just want to...

You know, Kick. It's hard to even express

how wonderful it is having Kelly as my girlfriend.

That's what I wanted to talk to you...

I know you still think girls are icky

and love is mushy and gross.

But when you find true love, it's... (HIGH-PITCHED) beautiful!

Listen, Brad, you need to know that...

I don't really expect you to understand,

but someday, someday you'll find your place in the world.

Mine is next to sweet, sweet Kelly.

No, it's not! Kelly's a fake!

She's only pretending to like you to become a cheerleader!

(PLAYING DRAMATIC CHORD)

I'm really surprised. I know...

You're jealous! You miss playing with your big brother.

No, Brad! It's part of her initiation

to date a gross, terminally un-hip loser!

Now, now, Brother.

Maybe you should go do a stunt or something.

Brad! She's going to humiliate you at the pep rally!

Brad?

So, how'd that go?

Not good. Not only is love blind, but it's also deaf.

I'm off to the pep rally now,

my loving family!

There he goes. We gotta get to that pep rally.

Come on, I've got a plan.

Does it involve hiding in a tank of sports drink?

'Cause my underpants just got dry.

(ALL CHEERING)

Hey, everybody! We don't usually do this at pep rallies,

but I'm just so in love with my (GULPS) boyfriend, Brad,

that we're going to start with a song he's written.

And now, Brad Buttowski!

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

(SNICKERING)

No, honey. Stand over there.

♪ Oh, Kelly

♪ You are not smelly

♪ You're sweet as jelly

♪ Let's hit a deli

♪ And eat pork belly...

Oh, no! Where's Kick? It's time! Kick, come in!

I'm here. Is Operation Bro-Back ready for later?

Yes, Kick! Huh?

(ALL GASPING)

♪ Oh, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly... ♪

(ALL CHEERING)

Now, Gunther!

(SCREAMING)

Not so fast.

(GASPS) Too late.

(GASPS)

(EXCLAIMS)

(PLAYS TRIUMPHANT CHORD)

No!

(EXCLAIMS)

Kelly, my girlfriend!

Baby, are you okay?

Ugh! How dare you!

How dare me? How dare you!

You planned to empty this garbage on my brother,

and dump him in front of the entire school

as part of your stupid cheerleader initiation!

He's lying!

Right?

I can't do this anymore.

He's right. I would never go out

with a terminally un-hip loser like you.

Yeah? Well, you know what, Kelly?

You are smelly!

So are you, dork.

And I mean without the garbage.

That's the last time you mess with the Buttowski brothers!

You know, with her gone, it smells better in here already.

She's gone.

Without her, I'm just a gross, terminally un-hip loser.

I've lost my place in the world.

Oh, I don't know about that.

Gunther, commence Operation Bro-Back.

'Bout time you fart-faces showed up!

What are you two staring at? Come on, move it!

(CHUCKLES) Thank you, sir! Of course!

We were so lost without you.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, Brad.

Good to have you back, Brad.

Good to be back, dillweed.