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Oh, my God.

Did you see that?

Your ass should be in school.

When are you gonna learn to drive...

like a normal 18-year-old?

Soon as you let me practice in the Trans.

ln your dreams.

Hello.

Hello, sunshine.

l know.

Oh, shit!

My sister.

Stay down.

Sorry.

Gypsy Vale, that three-for-one Thursdays idea of yours...

is going apeshit.

Top sales in north-central Ohio.

Cool.

Dinner for two, compliments of Polly Pearl.

Try the low-cal potato poppers.

Keep it up, G-force.

You little shit.

l need to keep this job.

Hello.

Yeah.

Gypsy something, right?

Vale. Gypsy Vale.

Hello, Connie.

Yeah. You sang at talent night. What was that?

Third grade? Oh, my God. How hilarious.

So, like...what happened?

That sure is some good eating, little lady.

Thank you for shopping at Foto-Hut.

Who is she now? Some loser housewife?

Hi, Carl.

Hey, dad.

Hey, mom. Hey, Charlie.

Give me the camera.

OK...Clive.

l come out with my back to the audience.

Total mystery and drama.

With the fog machine?

Smoke, Stevie wind, the whole damn nine.

And l take off my cape.

And three white-winged doves fly out.

And then, at the height of the guitar solo...

l come center stage.

Go, baby! Go!

l want the world to hear my voice, you know.

l want them to write my lyrics on their AOL profiles...

just like they do Stevie.

And when my CD comes out...

l want all these assholes to line up at the fucking mall...

and kiss my ass one sound-scan at a time.

Excuse me.

May l ask you a question?

l think you should have more respect for the dead...

and especially for yourself.

Excuse me?

but you could be a very pretty girl...

but that would be inappropriate for any young lady...

especially for someone your size.

Look, Granny, l am a pretty girl, OK?

a flying fuck or a rolling rimjob...

what you or anyone else thinks of me.

Hey, G.

OK.

Nails.

Cheers.

How was work?

Fucking fabulous. And you?

lt was pretty good.

l signed up a new kid for lessons today.

Something to write your lyrics in.

l love it. Thank you.

OK.

l fell into a crystal sea

lnside a ship of fools like...me

Was it just a dream?

Oh, your face, your face

ls all l see

Forever and a year, my love

Waiting here for you, my love

Forget your trench coat, girlie boy?

Piss off!

Hey.

Hey, Lois.

Nice outfit.

Thank you. l like it.

Gypsy?

This whole...gay thing.

l had a gay friend in college.

We used to be so close.

ls he using...safe sex?

Good. l just worry.

Look after him for me, OK?

l do.

Thanks.

Check it out.

Come here.

Clive.

Cool, G.

Did you finish my new shawl?

Not yet.

Could you please just ditch the fucking term paper...

and fix my face?

How could l improve on perfection?

All right, Mr. Straight-A...

Sterling.

Did you check on the Nicks-Pix?

They just posted some delicious new photos.

Oh, my God.

What?

The goth nightclub Mother announces...

to be held on Tuesday, May fifteenth, in New York City.

A strict Stevie dress code will be enforced.

Suggested attire is...

leather and lace, tophats, beribboned tambourines...

and the best hair in rock-and-roll.

Performers are to be selected at an audition screening...

before the show and compete for awards...

selected by a judging committee of Stevie experts.

Oh, my God. Let me see.

What?

Nothing.

Oh, my God. This is in four days.

We have to go to this.

You have to perform.

Earth to Gypsy.

Do you regret not taking Luna Angel to New York or L.A.?

You know, building on the Cleveland triumph...

really going for it?

Where did that come from?

Not anymore.

You think l have what it takes...

to make it big or whatever?

As a totally objective party...

l think you are a superstar.

What if l told you that l know where Velvet is?

Look.

These were taken several years back...

performing.

We agreed that your mother is dead.

l know, but maybe she had a reason.

Maybe she could explain.

You know the reason, baby.

l know.

Everything l need to make me happy...

is right here in this room.

This is the life.

Last night, l dreamt we were in New York City.

We decided to stay.

Then you could completely drop out of school...

Yeah.

Fuck it.

Maybe next year we could go. We could plan more.

No, we could be dead next year.

since l met you.

OK. Look me in the eye...

Did you just have an aneurysm?

Sometimes life is a tradeoff.

Get off the gown.

until they bury your ass. Admit it.

What about our dreams?

My mom is alive.

She bailed on us.

Bye-bye.

When?

1983...

April thirteenth.

She moved to New York to be a big-time rock star.

Ended up tending bar... at Mother.

l bet you are.

Did you say good-bye?

You?

Farewell, Sandusky!

l just want someone to kiss...

with big, soft, delicious lips.

l mean, candles and incense...

Moet and Chandon...

but only in a deserted castle in the south of France.

Oh, my God. You are so much more of a girl than l am.

Sex just seems so...messy.

Oh, no, no. Sex can be awesome.

Not that l would remember, but...

Maybe you and l should try.

but thank you for the offer.

OK, you know what? Some of us...

OK. Sorry.

Can l ask you a question?

What?

Are you gay?

or...Stonewall.

Being queer is a very small part of me.

Yeah, whatever.

Wow.

So much beauty... all in one place.

Please give a warm welcome...

to international recording artist...

and karaoke hostess extraordinaire...

Miss Bambi LeBleau.

We love you, Bambi!

Maestro.

Yeah, girl!

When Sunny gets blue

Her eyes get dry and cloudy

Then the rain begins to fall

Pitter-patter, pitter-patter

Love is gone, what can matter

When no lover comes to call?

When Sunny gets blue

She breathes a sigh of sadness

Like the wind that stirs the trees

Wind that sets leaves a-swaying

Like some violins are playing

Weird and lonesome melodies

People used to love

To see her smile and laugh

Since that sad affair

She lost her smile and changed her style

But memories will fade

Pretty dreams will rise up

Where the other dreams fell through

Hurry, new love, hurry here

Kiss away each lonely tear

And hold her near when Sunny

Gets blue

Thank you so much.

How are you feeling tonight?

My name is Bambi LeBleau...

for an evening of karaoke in Maryland.

by all means... have another cocktail.

And our first request is...

Sigma Alpha Sigma.

Hello. My name is Troy.

who will now entertain you fine folks with a song.

Enter, bitches.

Too sexy for my shirt

Too sexy it hurts

What some people will do to belong.

Did you check out his thumbs? A dead giveaway.

Like l would care.

l think my dear boy doth protest too much.

OK, Miss Rock Star, fill one of those out...

and get your freak ass up there.

ln this dump? Please.

Do you actually care what these people think?

Just consider it a dress rehearsal for New York.

Left, left, right, left...

Bye, guys. Next time, bring your togas.

l have to admit to you-all that l am out of requests.

So l need a volunteer.

Her!

- Yes. - No.

What are you worried about?

Come on. Do l have to come on down there...

and drag you up here? Come on.

Come on. What are you worried about?

Please give a warm welcome to Gypsy 83.

And l see your expression when the phone rings

And we both know

Come on. Come on.

You can talk to me

You can talk to me

You can talk to me

You can set your secrets free, baby

Dusty words lying under carpets

Seldom heard, honey, must you keep your secrets

All locked inside

Hidden safe from view, oh-oh?

And was it all that hard?

ls it all that tough?

l showed you all my cards now

Oh, you can hide your hurt

You can talk to me

You can talk to me

You can talk to me

You can set your secrets free, baby

That moron.

A big hand for Gypsy 83.

You hurt? You rocked. Fuck them. Just fuck them.

Hey, you--fat chick and the fag.

How does this happen?

to the redneck, beer-gut pig-fucker up on stage.

Yeah, you, bitch.

lnbred motherfuckers!

How about coming up to my pad for a nightcap?

l could probably use one.

Wow.

Cocktails?

l do a wicked Bloody Mary.

The bloodier, the better, right, baby?

- Lebleau. - OK.

Oh, my God.

This is amazing.

Let me apologize about tonight.

For some reason, this karaoke thing...

seems to attract the lowbrows.

You can say that again.

Believe it or not, in my day...

that joint was a classy place.

And we thought Sandusky was bad.

Thank God you rescued us.

Avec bon plaisir.

Teetotaler, baby.

So, where are you guys headed?

New York, New York.

and l either want to be...

a photographer, a painter, a stylist, or a poet.

May all your dreams come true.

You could be great.

Please. l blew.

Rule number one--never let the assholes get you down.

Been there, done it, learned it the hard way.

As a matter of fact, you...remind me a lot of me...

when l was your age.

Yeah? How come?

You lived in New York?

Twenty-one years, baby.

Were you, like, famous?

That was yesterday. l live for today.

- Please. - With sugar on top.

- You know you want to. - Never.

- This is so awesome. - Yeah.

God, what the hell are you doing in the middle of nowhere?

the big city and all the buzz-buzz, glamour-glamour?

The truth is no.

The first record was a smash, but then music changed.

Tits and cocktails went out, and the hustle came in.

against the wall for 20 years.

One day l just woke up, looked in the mirror...

You made it. You had a hit.

l had a blast.

Thank Christ l socked away the big bucks...

living the good life.

You got a husband and kid stashed away somewhere?

Never wanted them.

Thanks, honey.

l had a dream, gave it my best shot.

You know what? This should really be...

on one of those Rhino reissues.

Excuse me?

Yeah. Lounge is totally hip again.

Wait. Oh, my God. Total brainstorm.

You should come to New York with us...

and make your big comeback.

for...

l could photograph your album covers...

and design your costume.

l have a life here, sweetie.

So did we.

The return of Miss Bambi LeBleau.

What have you got to lose?

Fuck.

Singers are meant to sing.

Let me think about it.

- Yes! - OK.

first thing in the morning, so...

But right now, l really have to pee.

Through the bedroom, first door on the right.

May l have this dance?

Enchante.

Sorry about that.

Guess what.

Bambi said yes.

This is gonna be so cool.

Try as we may, l guess the dream never dies.

Does it?

- l loved her. - Me, too.

Then what is your problem?

Where are you going?

Home.

This was stupid.

Your ass belongs back in school.

Turn around...please.

Fuck. Fuck.

The night that Velvet left...

So he looked me straight in the eye...

Bambi never had a hit.

She rolled the dice, and she came up bust.

Just like Velvet.

Bingo.

So you abandoned her like Velvet did you?

Maybe l refuse to give up my life for a pipedream.

Dad and Lois must be worried sick.

What happened at talent night?

Excuse me?

ln third grade.

Screw you.

No. Gypsy, please.

Just tell me.

All right.

Spring jubilee, talent night.

Velvet taught me one of her favorite Stevie songs.

We practiced for weeks.

And dad showed me the chords on the guitar.

Anyway...a week before my big debut...

Velvet splits.

But l go through with it anyway...

So...

all the cutesie little kiddies...

and their perfect mommies and daddies are there.

And l get up on the stage...

singing and playing my little guitar...

And l pissed my dress.

lt ran down my leg and dripped off the stage.

And some guy with a mop came out...

and told me to get back to the audience...

and go find my mom.

Come here, sweetie.

Cool. Pick him up.

- Are you kidding? - Come on. The Amish rock.

Hello.

OK.

So, Zachariah, have you ever been in a car before?

Never one this radical.

Do either of you have a cigarette?

You can smoke?

As of this moment, l can do anything l damn well please.

So, you running from something?

Conformity.

Boredom.

And cows.

May l pump?

Sure.

Awesome.

What do l do?

OK, no problem.

First, you unscrew the gas cap, like so.

you have to press to unlock it, but this is an older model.

And then you make your octane selection.

And then you put it in the hole...

and you simply pump away.

Yeah.

l really like your clothes.

Come on, man. So is Norman Bates.

l know l would kill for that hat.

When you were walking over here...

l think l saw him staring at your ass.

Just my luck--an Amish sodomist.

Go for it.

What are you looking at?

Are you guys some kind of dragon queens or something?

Look, honey, an Amish.

You people sure make a kick-ass pie.

What the fuck?

Fucking perverts.

Look. Check it out.

l am starving.

Anything in particular?

May l make a request?

Eat your Whopper before it gets cold.

Whopper? Oh, yes. Thank you.

l have a secret confession.

l was a fast-food virgin.

l have a secret confession, too.

Yeah? What is it?

What?

but the light is so beautiful right now...

Me?

Oh, God.

Who are you fucking girls pledging?

Sir, Sigma Alpha Sigma, sir.

Excuse me?

Sir, Sigma Alpha fucking Sigma, sir.

Right on.

OK, guys. Get up. Up!

March. Go.

After a bottle of this...

our asses are camping right here tonight.

Absinthe--the green fairy.

- Hey.

- Hey.

So, where are your robots?

Yeah, l bet you did.

Hi.

This stuff completely fucked me.

Who the fuck was that?

Wait, wait.

Could you leave it on?

OK.

OK.

Hey.

Hey, there.

some kind of twisted fag sex ring going on here.

Really?

That guy just looked at us...

like he wanted to peel off our boxer shorts...

and eat us for breakfast.

That is so wrong.

This is a public place.

Damn queers, man.

Yeah.

What is that?

Look at me.

You gonna be all right?

l can go all by myself now, daddy.

Just think, this time tomorrow...

The Big Apple.

God, l was so fucking nervous about the audition.

We are talking killer stage fright.

Buzz-buzz.

Glamour-glamour.

l guess we better put our clothes on.

You make me feel warm.

OK.

No one has ever touched me like you.

l just wanted you to know that.

OK, l know it.

Forgive me, Gypsy.

l thought this was what l wanted.

Back?

Home.

l am so, so sorry.

What did l do wrong?

Nothing.

No, you know what?

l will never forget you.

Fucking throw me in the garbage.

Do me a favor.

The next time you want some pussy on the side...

you can fuck a goddamn sheep...

and leave us women alone.

Get out!

Hey, baby.

How was it?

Where is he?

You OK?

You hooked up with him.

Oh, my God.

l thought l would have been petrified...

but l just dove right in there.

You were so right about the thumb thing.

This is great.

This is just fucking sterling.

Now you can go join the fag club...

get a tan, big muscles...

some gorgeous boyfriend.

Where do l fit in?

Why is it always about you?

All you can ever think about is your own fat ass!

Where are you going?

l need my own space right now!

What are you doing?

Oh, my God.

Are you OK?

Shit. lf there is one scratch on--

Have a nice life!

Fuck.

Goddamn it!

OK?

Look, what you said...

and then...

OK?

Look, baby, l was just a mess after Zachariah.

What did he do to you?

He fucked me, and then he dumped me...

for his wife.

Part of me would be really happy for you.

Then the selfish bitch was always scared shitless.

Why?

Which is what?

Something sick and twisted...

that we both desperately need therapy for.

l was just about to say something really corny.

But enough about me.

What do you mean?

l mean...

You can talk to me. Come on.

OK.

l guess l thought that...

l was in love with you.

l know.

You are so fucking dead!

- Valley freak! - Faggot!

Oh, my God.

Oh, yes, Lord.

Children of the night.

l, the Empress Chi Chi Valenti...

Silence!

Goddess Nicks, l call out.

lf you are present, reveal yourself.

Wherever you are tonight...

the recording studios of Los Angeles...

your desert home in Paradise Valley, Arizona...

please hear our call!

Please welcome our first performer...

on this most magical evening-- the lovely Enchantress.

Ask her.

- Love the look, lady. - Thanks.

l would really like to perform here tonight...

but l missed the audition.

Do you know Velvet Vale?

Yeah. Chi Chi. She should be back there somewhere.

OK. Thanks.

The judges will adore your cape.

Thank you. Actually, he deserves all the credit, though.

This is Clive, by the way. Excuse me.

Hi.

Yeah, of course.

Oh, my God. We have so much in common.

Yeah. What a great album.

Poppy writes books.

Poser!

Yeah, right.

Hazleton, darling, l think your boyfriend...

needs to use the bathroom to powder his nose.

You catty cunts.

Honey, here.

Let me see.

My name is Robbie.

l always hated it.

Could l see Chi Chi?

but l drove all the way from Ohio...

to perform here tonight.

Did you audition?

No. We got hung up.

Sorry, hons.

Do you know her?

ls she here?

Chi Chi needs privacy.

Yes, Empress.

ls she performing tonight?

Open it.

This is me.

Gypsy.

No.

She wrote to you for years. She never heard back.

No, l never got any poems.

When?

Four years ago.

Hello.

Daddy.

Sweetie, are you OK?

Where are you?

l thought so.

l wish you were here to watch me.

Yeah, me, too.

You know, l decided to finish the studio.

and l got the sixteen-track working really good...

and l thought, as soon as you get back...

we could start working on that album.

Did she recognize you?

She killed herself, daddy.

And you want to be just like her, huh?

l love you, sweetheart.

Please come home.

Please welcome the daughter of Mother legend Velvet Vale...

Gypsy 83!

l wrote this song for my mother.

Lullabies

Her voice so sweet

l remember every moment

How she sang me fast asleep

And then the emptiness

The angry lace

All those gray Novembers

But you come running, arms wide open

Gonna kiss your tears away

And you come running with your arms wide open

Gonna kiss your tears away

And l can see

Oh, the nightbird call you heard so strong

You passed along to me

Take me home with your sweet song

No more tears to wipe away

Take me home with your sweet song

And promise me

Lullabies

Voice so sweet

Did you find it OK?

Yeah.

OK.

of things to make you stay.

l think sometimes you need to run away...

to figure out where you really need to be is home.

l love you.

And l love you.

l want you to keep the Trans.

No.

Go, baby, please.

Drive it back someday.

OK?

Yeah.

Bye.