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STUDIA 1 A

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MINISTRY OF CULTURE
OF THE RUSSIAN FEDERATION

STUDIA 1 A PRESENTS

BASED ON MIKHAIL ZOSCHENKO'S
CHILDREN STORIES

I've got an older sister, Lyolya.

One day I decided to visit her.

I bought a train ticket

because she lived a long way away

and sent her a telegram about arrival.

I also bought presents for her,
and her twins Fedya and Petya,

and a slingshot
for her neighbour Pavel –

he'll know why.

Lyolya did not have a husband,
he was a naval officer

and was killed in a sea battle
when the children were small.

ABOUT LYOLYA AND MINKA

On my way out I bumped into Tereschchuk,
who lived in the same building.

She wanted to have a go
with the slingshot.

And then Comrade Schmidt appeared,
telling me

that I must join the propaganda team
for an agitprop rally.

I'm going to my sister's!

I said I wouldn't be going
with the propaganda team

because Comrade Zabezhkin's given me
a whole week off.

I explained everything and was promised
I can go!

I've got a ticket with a reserved seat.

I'm going to call Comrade Zabezhkin.
He'll deal with it all.

I was so angry that I told them
I was leaving for good,

even though it wasn't
my original plan.

I'm leaving for good!

Uncle Minya!

My billiard ball flew off the table

and you caught it!

You wouldn't let me keep it,
would you, Sevohcka?

I really need it.

But then I'd have one missing
from the set.

I don't suppose you'd like
a car ride, would you?

And that's how my neighbour's kid
Sevoichka gave me a billiard ball.

He'll be going instead of me.

And when Schmidt ran out
into the street after me,

I was already on my way to the station.

- Where's Minya?
- I'm going instead of him!

Next stop is the railway station!

I was feeling so upbeat
now I was on my way to Lyolya's.

I could never have known
that the antics of her rascally twins

would cause so much trouble.

HOW LELYA'S BAG HAS BEEN LOST

Fedya!

- Won't mum give us a good hiding?
- But it's not mum's bag, is it?

And we'll put it back straightaway!
She's sleeping so she doesn't need it now.

- Look, there are seals here!
- Don't touch them!

You won't be able to fix them
back on afterwards!

Run!

Fyodor! Pyotr!

You little rascals!

This is really serious!

Where's the bag that was on the table?

I won't tell you off.
For God's sake just tell me where it is.

You can't just take things

that don't belong to you!

You don't realise what you've done,
do you?

No, you have no idea.

There was community money in there –
lot's of it.

How will we ever pay it back?

We didn't know it was yours.
We thought it was someone else's.

If the bag doesn't turn up,
I'll go to prison!

Which prison, Lyolya?
Minya is on his way to visit!

Uncle Minya's coming! Hurray!

Uncle Minya's coming! Hurray!

What kind of hurray is that?

I'll be in prison;
you'll be put in an orphanage;

and the house will have to be sold!

Where on earth can Minya visit?

Uncle Minya's coming! Hurray!

Fyodor! Pyotr!

I'll catch you! Hurray!

They said that a red-headed lad
threw it.

We've looked all over for it.

Surely we don't need to call the police?

If we don't find it I'll scrape
the money together somehow.

I'll sell everything, even the house.
Hello, hello?

BEAUTIFUL THINGS - URGENT SALE -
ALL AT ONCE

Comrade Perepenchuk from Arkhangelsk!

Your wife is waiting for you
at the police office.

I had no idea
about Lyolya's misfortunes.

In high spirits I dashed to the train.

Give that back, it's mine!

Wait a minute, can I have a go?

No.

Hello, what have you got there?

Hello.

– Ice-cream bars, 15 kopecks.
- OK, I'll have an ice-cream bar.

I'll give you the ice cream if you give me
your toy train to play with.

No.

No.

Alright, what if I give you
all this ice-cream for good,

and you give me your toy train
just for a little while?

You want to play with the toy train?
I am his granny.

You see, I had a toy train
just like that when I was little.

I even got into a fight over it
at a Christmas party.

He's a grown-up,
let him have it.

There you go.

Thanks.

No, go ahead and play with it
as long as you like.

My train's leaving. Thank you.

You're kind and you wanted
to give the child a present.

But he's greedy and won't let you
play with his toy.

"Take from the greedy jackal
and give to the kind camel" –

that's an oriental saying.

I just made it up.

Hey! Comrades, the toy train!

You forgot the toy train!

The toy train!

The Christmas party where I got
into a fight over a toy train

was 20 years ago.

It all started when Lyolya and I

wanted to peek at the presents
our mother was wrapping.

Minya, mum's gone to the kitchen.

Let's just sneak in for a second,
have a look and get out of there.

Lyolya! Lyolya!

Are we allowed?

We won't look at the presents.

We'll just scoff one piece
of fruit candy and that's all.

Lyolya, if you can have
a piece of fruit candy,

then I can have something too.

Well, if you can have
a bite of an apple,

then I can have another piece
of candy..

I'll have another bite
of the apple, then!

That's two bites of the apple now,
there's no point beating about the bush!

I'll have a third piece
of fruit candy.

And I'll take this nut

and this piece of candy, too!

And I will reach everything, too!

Minka, you've broken the bench!
And the doll's arm!

You're in for it now!

Children, come and say hello
to our guests!

Quick!

Come on, quick! Minya, quick!

Come on in, everyone!

Everyone come here one at a time,

and I'ill give you all a present
and a little tasty snack.

Before you get something nice
and tasty,

let's listen to something wise
and useful first.

And now, my daughter Sofia –
up you go! –

will give an excellent reading
of a fable.

A round of applause, everyone!

The Lord sent the Crow
a gift of cheese.

The Crow perched on a fir tree
and was ready to break its fast,

but it fell deep in thought,
holding the cheese in its beak...

What lies under fir trees in a forest?
Snow, fir cones, and fir needles.

- And on the floor under our tree...
- Spring, Spring, the time of love!

Everything that might exist
in the world!

Spring, Spring, the time of love!

To her chagrin,
the Fox was running by!

Your arrival weighs heavily
on my heart!

The Fox smelled the cheese
and froze in its tracks...

- It's OK, it's OK!
- Sofia, Sofia, Sofia!

Oh, you're definitely in
for a good hiding now!

Now everyone gets a toy
and a delicious snack!

- Now all the children...
- Where are toys and snacks?!

- ...get a toy and a delicious snack!
- The wolf looks so real!

Here you are.

Lyolya!

Minya!

Who took a bite out of this apple?

It was Minya!

Lyolya put me up to it!

Right, Lyolya can go
stand in the corner.

She's the eldest and ought to be
setting a good example,

not teaching naughty things.

She can forget about the doll
I promised her.

And I was going to give you
a wind-up toy train,

but I'll give it to that boy there,

who I wanted to give the apple to.

Here you are.

And then we will listen to the end
to Sofia's enlightening fable

and all the other wonderful poems.

Here you are!

Give it back, it's my toy train!

What's going on?

- There, there, my little boy!
- What did you do?

This is the last time you'll see me
and my son in this house!

Yes, leave.
Then I get to keep the toy train!

Well I never!

It looks like your boy's heading
for a life of crime!

Don't you dare talk about my boy
like that.

You and your sickly child
had better leave now.

- And never set foot in here again!
- That's exactly what we're going to do.

I knew mixing with the likes of you
was a bad idea.

We're going too.

What did my daughter do
to deserve a doll with a broken arm?

Go on, leave, too,
with your sickly child.

Then I get to keep the doll
with the broken arm.

You can all leave,
and then we'll keep all the toys!

We'll get to keep all the toys!

- I want this doll!
- Sofia, you'll get one at home.

They probably took a bite
of the cake, too.

I was climbing up a hill

with a heavy load,

I got tired, so tired,

so tired.

Of course, Lyolya
is the most to blame.

She's the eldest and should set
a good example.

But I'll punish you both.

Go to bed right away.

And tomorrow, we'll give your toys –

the one's that aren't broken –
to our guests.

- Did you forget something?
- Yes.

Gavrilov, there's a sale here!

You're such an idiot!
If I didn't notice, we'd go past it!

You're the idiot! I saw it first!

- Hello!
- Hello!

You surprise me.

If you've got such money troubles,

why are you insisting that I buy
everything or nothing?

That's pretty strange, you know!

I'm not getting rid of all these things
that are so dear to me

just for a few extra rubles!

I need to pay off a debt quickly,
otherwise we'll have to sell our house.

And if people keep buying
only one kettle each,

how can I ever get the money?

Gavrilov!

Gavrilov, let's go.

Excuse me!
You're Lyolya, aren't you?

I thought I recognised your voice.

- And your face is familiar, too.
- I'm sorry, but who are you?

You have to give this to me
as a present.

I've suffered my whole life
because of this thing.

Oh, you're Vitya?

The sickly boy
from the Christmas party?

I don't see what you are
so happy about.

Your family should really be paying me
a pension for life!

I've been scarred for life
by that childhood humiliation!

I've lost all faith in fairness
and developed a nasty personality.

All because of a toy train?

My entire life's a mess.
I can't trust anyone.

Watches...

A cigarette case...

...and everybody says I am a jerk.

Now I just drift along,
no direction in life.

I've been sacked from all my jobs.

Are you OK?

Miss!

Do you need help?

Gavrilov!

Gavrilov!

Gavrilov!

Gavrilov, let's go home!

- Gavrilov, we're off, come on!
- Can I take the toy train at least?

Go ahead, take it.

I mean, if you're life's been such a mess.
And you can have the hat, too.

Good Lord, Gavrilov!
My feet are tied together!

Mum, look at all these things
that fell on the ground!

And these things, too!

- Fedya, wait!
- No, me first!

- Go on, jump!
- All right!

Here you go!

There!

That's all I managed to get,
because of you!

ALL THINGS REPAIRS

- No one bought anything, eh?
- No one bought anything.

Looks like we'll have to sell
the house.

Careful! That's dangerous!

Tell me, Pavel,

do you reckon you could make,
I don't know,

a hot-air balloon, for example?

I guess.

But it would take time.
Otherwise, nothing to it.

Just imagine, we could just up
and fly off somewhere.

We could fly anywhere we wanted,

take Minya and the rascals with us.

- And we could just keep on flying.
- And where would we end up?

I don't know.

The main thing is we'd be flying.

Pavel, here you go.

Remember, you fixed it back
at the Christmas party?

Five-nil!

Six-nil!

Seven-nil!

All right, your turn.

Missed!

Missed!

Lyolya, you're the one who threw it,
you go look for it.

In your dreams!

It's not my fault you're so small
and can't jump.

- You go find it.
- No, you go!

- No, you go!
- No, you go!

- No, you go!
- No, you go!

No, you go!

How about this: whoever has
fewer fingers has to look for it.

Deal?

- What do you mean?
- Deal?

Show me your fingers.

One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Right? Now let's count mine.

One, two, three, four, five.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six.

What's six plus five?

Come on, what do six and five make?

Eleven.

I knew you'd cheat.

We had a deal, didn't we?
Tell me, did we have a deal?

We did.

Look what I found!

Minya!

Let me have that chain, will you?

You don't need it anyway,
and I really do!

Let's say, we don't really need it.

But since you need it,
it must be worth something.

What'll you give us for it?

How about this galosh?

You've got to be kidding!

We give him a bicycle chain
that is almost new,

and he gives us this?

Come on, Minya, let's hide the chain

and later exchange it
for something good.

You don't know a thing about life.

I've been saving this galosh
for myself.

Here's a rag-and-bone man
coming down the street.

You can sell the galosh to him
and buy ice cream with the money.

Sell me your bottles, jars, rags!

Sell your bottles, jars, rags!

Galosh for sale! Galosh for sale!

Galosh for sale! Galosh for sale!

Are you selling this galosh,
little girl?

Yes, I am. For 100 roubles.

How much?

No, that's too much.

I'll give you...

...two kopecks.

That's a good deal for both of us.
What do you say?

Merci.

Who wants ice cream?
Strawberry, apricot, raspberry!

- Ice cream!
- Over here! We want ice cream!

- Ice cream!
- We want ice-cream!

Here you go.

Just a moment.

- That's two bad deals we've made.
- Yeah...

First, we didn't get enough for the chain,
and then we sold the galosh so cheap.

And we only got one scoop
of ice cream each.

We need to sell another galosh.

- Shall we ask Pavel for another one?
- He doesn't have another one.

And there must be at least 15 galoshes
in our entrance hall.

There's no harm in selling
one of them.

Sell your old things!

You might not need them, but we do!

If that man paid us two kopecks
for that tattered galosh,

he'll surely give us
at least one rouble for this one.

It's almost new.

Minya, you're a man,
so you talk to him.

He'll just give me two kopecks
like last time.

And we need more than that.

- Lyolya, I don't know how.
- Go on, go on.

Good riddance to you, and a joy to us.

- Do you have another galosh to sell?
- We do.

Why on Earth are you, kids,
selling one galosh at a time?

I can give you five kopecks
for this one.

Now, if you'd brought me
two galoshes at once,

I'd give you, well, I don't know,
20 or even 30 kopecks.

You see?

People need two galoshes, you see.

Minya, run back home
and bring another galosh!

That's right!

Because there are things
that are always sold in pairs.

Shoes, gloves and galoshes, too.

And there are things that are sold
on their own, like umbrellas or hats.

That's true.
You don't have left and right hats.

Or neck scarves. Or kettles.

Right!

And there's also wallets, purses,

watches,

jewellery,

gold-rimmed glasses,

silver spoons and forks.

You kids will be the death of me
with your dealings.

Look, this one's a ladies galosh,
this one's for gents.

What do you think I can do with them?

I wanted to give you five kopecks
for one galosh,

but as I put them together, I can see
that this doesn't work.

Putting the two together
has only made the situation worse.

Children!
Come say goodbye to our guests!

Children, I could have given you
four kopecks for these galoshes,

but I'll only give you three.

I'm docking one kopeck
for your wasting my time

with this pointless conversation.

Goodbye!

Now this is odd!

I could have sworn that I came here
in two galoshes.

- Now I can only see...
- ...one!

And no one knows
where the second one is!

You can't go outside
in just one galosh!

What if it rains?

...and there are puddles?

Children! Say goodbye to our guests.

Wave your hand!

Lyolya! What's that in your hand?

What is it?

A gentleman running down the street
dropped them.

We shouted after him to stop,

and he said, "Keep it!
I don't have time for this!

My dog has run away.
It's black with white paws."

Is there anything worse
than telling lies?

We sold two galoshes
to the rag-and-bone man

to buy ice cream.

Well, that's the only thing
that's worse than telling lies!

Aunt Olya, Uncle Kolya, don't worry.

Lyolya is guilty of lying
and of theft.

And she's the eldest,
so she should know better.

So, I will sell all of her toys
to the rag-and-bone man,

and we will buy you new galoshes
with the money we get for them.

And I'm not finished yet.

Minya and Lyolya are not allowed
to eat ice cream for two years.

In two years, they will be allowed
to eat ice cream,

but they will be reminded
of this sad story every time they do!

Cut it out!

And even now, as an adult,
and even a somewhat old man,

you know, sometimes,
when I eat ice cream,

I feel my throat tighten up

and a sense of unease.

Whenever I have an ice cream,
I wonder, just like when I was younger,

whether I deserved it.

Oh, this tastes good!
This is really good.

I'm on my way to see my sister Lyolya.
She's got two little children,

and I'm sure she's told them
the story I've just told you.

And this is why they have such a fun

and happy life there.

And what about us?

Do we get ice cream too?

Mister? What about us?

Greetings!

I might very well be
your future neighbour.

Up here!

Careful! This is a steam engine!

I will attach it to the pump
and it'll start to work.

Then we won't have to carry water
from the well.

I see.

An analytical mind
and a mastery of physics!

Not interested
in physical exercises then?

And a-one,

and a-two!

Boris Shishkin, instructor with SPACD,
the Society for the Promotion of Aviation

and Chemical Defence.

And a-three!

Pavel.

Well, yes, I am a neighbour,

I'm just not your neighbour yet.

Well, you never know, do you?

Here today, and gone tomorrow!

On the high seas, on the waves!
Here today and gone tomorrow!

On the high seas, high seas,
high seas!

Here today and gone tomorrow!

On the high seas, on the waves!
Here today and gone tomorrow!

Halt! One-two!

About face!

Spread out!

There!

And a-two!

And a-three!

Let's see that arc!

Hold it, hold it, hold it!

Keep it up! More mobility.

More refinement!

Good!

Those on top, let's go!

Girls, up!

Right, let's get the kids up there

and hold them!

Disperse!

Mum, we're going to have
a gymnastics school!

There are going to be pull up bars
and gymnastic rings in the yard!

You've got wonderful children!

Flexible and coordinated!

It's great that I've got
flexible kids,

but what am I to make of all this?

You see, we used to have a room
at the textile mill.

Then the former church of St. Paraskeva
in the Ovrazhki neighbourhood

was supposed to be our working club,

but we were kicked out of there, too.

I just happened to hear that your house
might be given over to the state...

Excuse me, but nothing
has been decided yet.

Of course!

And while we wait for a decision,
we have no desire,

say, to trample you, spit on you
or thumb our noses at you.

We only want to take a look at your house
to see if it fits our needs.

We only ask for your permission
to leave the athletic equipment here

for the time being,
because we've been carrying it around

since we've been kicked out
from everywhere.

Mummy, mummy, let them leave
the pommel horse here!

Please!

Volodya and Vera wanted to teach us
how to jump over the pommel horse!

Thank you! Clear the premises!

Thank you, mummy! Hurray!

Wait!

These days, many factories produce
ice cream in massive quantities,

and anyone can buy it.

But, as I've been telling you,
when I was young, I was taught

that every good thing
has to be earned.

There! You see, Georgy?

You're asking for a treat

but you haven't done anything
to earn it.

This is really nothing new for you.
I've been telling him the same thing.

Penkin Station!

Penkin Station! Penkin Station!

Penkin Station! Penkin Station!

Excuse me, when is Tsaryovo Station
coming up?

- Never.
- What do you mean never?

It has always been there.
I've been there, too.

I lived in Tsaryovo for many years!

When you lived there,
it was called Tsaryovo.

And now justice has been restored.

There are no Tsars,
so why should there be Tsaryovo?

The station's called Penkin now.

Penkin-Schmenkin! Penkin-Schmenkin!

For your information, comrade Penkin
is a senior official on the railway system!

What you need to do is you get off
at the next station

and go one station back.

The next station is Shishki!

So, your father forbade you
from eating ice cream for how long?

For two whole years.

Then five, five years
without ice cream!

Five years! Five years!

Even though my laces
being tied together

caused me to fall and miss my station,
I wasn't angry with Georgy

as I sat in the train on the way back
to the previous station.

I was angry with myself.

Why did I even bring up this story
about two years without ice cream!

I should've said two months,
or better yet, two weeks.

Children, were you standing here?

Yes, it was here, but we weren't standing,
we were lying down.

They were lying down.

Sergey! Let's start the investigation!

All right, let's get throwing!

Sure...

- I am ready!
- Go on!

Romanych!
I wasn't aiming at you, I swear!

- It was a bad throw, that's all!
- Of course you weren't aiming at me.

There's no chance you would've hit me
if you had been!

Our re-enactment
of the throwing incident

has demonstrated that the bag
containing official money

could not possibly have landed
outside the garden.

Either the money is here,

or, I'm sorry to say,
it has already been stolen.

And there aren't that many people
who could have nicked it.

The children can be ruled out
because they're too young.

In other words, you're accusing me!

You're implying that I could have,
as you put it, nicked it?

- Yes!
- Just a minute!

I am not accusing anyone!

The court will do that.

The courts try everyone,
and we only suspect.

We suspect everyone, too.
That's our job.

Yes.

Right now, the balance of evidence
is against you,

sad as that may be!

Lykov! Come here and bring Lord.

What bills were there?
Rouble notes, three-rouble notes?

Ten-rouble notes, in a bill strap.

Can we pet it?

Don't even think about it!
This is a specially trained search dog!

In the military service!
It's like asking to pet a machine gun!

Lykov! Here!

Here, Lord! Lord, search!

Search, Lord, search!

- Lykov, he's on the scent! - Search!

Hurry!

- Did he find it?
- And what have we got here?

What have we got, trackers?
What is it?

- A hiding place.
- Let me see.

Ah, that's a neat trick! Really neat!

They opened it, hid something in there
and sewed it back up,

but they made a bad job of it.

Oh wow! What is this?

There it is!

Look at this!

Well, ma'am, how do you explain this?

Valuable goods here,
but where is the money?

Where did that pommel horse come from?

People from SPACD brought it today.

They said they didn't have
anywhere to keep it.

A bald and merry fellow.

- Shishkin?!
- That's the one, Shishkin!

I remembered the name.
Shishkin – like the artist!

That artist painted pine trees,

and so they called him Shishkin,
from "shishki," pine cones.

Yeah, this Shishkin is an artist,
indeed.

- And an acrobat, too.
- Lord, wait!

He used to have a club
at the textile mill.

We are going to get that acrobat
and artist.

And you, madam citizen,
should stay home.

We'll have an investigator come
and talk to you.

You're the only credible suspect.

Stay home!

We're gonna get it for this!

Do you want to see...

...a magic trick?

- Go on then.
- Watch this!

It's gone!

Hey, where'd the ball go?

– The ball?
– The ball...

It's my stop, I am going to see
my sister.

- Where is it?
- Shake your legs!

I am, see.

No ball.

Here's your ball.

Zetkinsk!

Zet...

Zet...

...kinsk.

What station is this?

In honour of our revolutionary comrade
Clara Zetkin.

They wanted to name it
Zetkin-Luxemburg

to mention comrade
Rosa Luxemburg, too.

Turned out, there is an entire country
named Luxembourg.

And when is Penkin coming up?

That was it.
That station used to be called Penkin.

- Out of the way!
- The nerve!

The station name
was partly a mistake.

Comrade Penkin
is currently being tried

for abuse of power.

And we received a telegram

telling us to change the name
of the station to Zes...

Damn it!

Excuse me.

You should put a bit of butter
on the knife and warm it up over your tea.

Are you a physicist?

Life experience. From my childhood.

What about us? Any for us, too?

You pigheaded!

What kind of driving is that?

Comrade travelling to Zetskin,
ugh, to Zekinsk,

I mean, to the place
that used to be called Tsaryovo!

It's your stop!

- Hello!
- Hello.

Ice-cream! Who wants ice-cream?

Strawberry, apricot, raspberry!

Have you been a firefighter long?

They haven't been here long,

but I've been a firefighter
all my life.

You might say I was born from a flame.

Lyolya, who is it?

That's dad's boss!

I rush inside the mill,

straight into raging flames.

And I see, lying there...

- What?
- A firefighter!

Helmet on, axe in hand,

clearly suffering
from carbon monoxide poisoning.

And smoke is coming off him.

So, I grab him and pull him
out of the fire,

and he says in a faint voice,

“Merci.”

Amazing!

“Merci.”

That's nothing!
There's a girl in our neighbourhood...

You again!

I don't understand why you let
your children sit with adults.

They keep interrupting me.

I'm sorry.

I've lost the thread of my story.

Right, where was I?

I remember a story of a stone mill
catching on fire here

about 30 years ago,
when I was still a kid.

The mill? It's still there.

It never caught on fire.

There used to be a rickety shed there.
That went up in flames.

But the mill's still there, only damn it,
doesn't produce any flour!

You stopped at the firefighter
in the mill, he had gas poisoning

and he said "merci" to you.

I only wonder how he was able
to say anything if he was poisoned

and smoke was coming off him.

And there is a girl
in our neighbourhood...

Lyolya, there is nothing strange
about what Father's boss said.

Depends on the kind of gas poisoning.

Some people are out,
but they still can talk.

They are delirious.
They don't know what they are saying.

He said "merci," but maybe he wanted
to say "help."

You are doing a poor job
of raising your children.

I'm sorry.

I can't get a word in edgeways
with them here.

Since the children have, indeed,
behaved extremely brazenly

and have failed to live up
to our expectations,

I forbid them from dining
with the adults.

- Go to your room immediately.
- There's no need for that.

They'll just sit in their room
and come up with some new nasty prank.

But here they can listen
to this most wise person,

and perhaps some good, proper,
sublime thoughts will enter their heads.

All right, let them stay.

But I categorically forbid Lyolya and Minya
from saying anything at the table.

How right you are, Misha!

Another peep out of either of you

and you won't sit at this table
ever again!

Got it? Have you got it?

Here is another cautionary tale
from my childhood.

I was in the fifth grade
at grammar school

and I was making the best
of the school holidays

with my parents at our summer house.

I was fond of studying nature
and listening to the birds sing.

- Really?
- Yes.

I was walking along the edge
of the woods.

And there I see a cloud of dust...

- ...you receive an award
- A real one, right here!?

Yes.

But I did not tell him my name
and certainly not my last name.

Why not?

Because that would have meant
I had done it for my own personal gain.

Of course.

As if I wouldn't have rushed
to save them

if there hadn't been a general
in the carriage,

but some poor honest worker.

But of course you would have.

What's wrong?

What is it? What's wrong?

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

What?

Don't worry, it's just some butter

that's melted in the hot tea.

I'd like to know how a piece of butter
ended up in the tea in the first place.

Children, maybe you could shed
some light on the matter?

Minya was warming his butter
over the glass and it fell in.

It's a good thing...

.. it was butter, and not tar.

I'm more concerned about the fact

that the children saw the butter
fall into the tea,

yet they didn't say a word about it
to anyone.

You horrible children!
Why didn't you say anything?

I wouldn't have drunk that tea
if I had known.

Daddy told us to keep silent.
And so we did.

Daddy told us not to say a word.

Otherwise, we would have said
something.

Amazing!

When the children
were allowed to talk,

it was bad.

When they were told to keep silent,
it turned out even worse!

What?

What?

This is because Lyolya
eggs poor Minya on,

and then laughs maliciously.

And she ate all the biscuits too.
I've been watching her.

My children...

My children are not horrible.

My children are not horrible!

They're just silly.

They don't think
about the consequences

of their actions.

Still, Lyolya needs
to be punished properly.

Of course.

I agree with your grandmother
one hundred percent here.

They say, some red-headed lad
was passing by.

They pulled the bag away,
and he just went and threw it.

We've searched everywhere for it,
but we can't find it.

I see.

So...

Could I possibly trouble you
for a cup of water?

Kids, you heard him!

Been run of my feet all day!

Haven't eaten anything
since this morning!

Like that hairdresser
from that Italian opera.

It's been one thing after another.

One thing after another.

Yes.

Yes.

Maybe you'd like something to eat?

As an investigator,

my job is simply
to establish the facts.

And the facts are nothing more

until it can be proved
that a crime has been committed.

Then it is a criminal act.

And the punishment for criminal acts
is determined by the court,

whether it be prison or whatever.

In your case, you could be put away
for up to five years.

So I must ask you not to leave
this place before the trial.

- Mum, we'll never do it again.
- We'll never do it again.

- You'll never do what again?
- We will never do anything again.

Wonderful.

Hold on, you little rascals,
we are driving!

- Hurray!
- Hold on, you little rascals!

- Pavel, I'll... I'll...!
- Pavel, let's give Mom a ride!

I'll kill you one of these days!
And you lot, too!

- You could've injured yourselves!
- Everything's fine!

Lyolya, I've got an idea.

Remember you were talking
about a hot-air balloon?

I know how to make one
cheap and quick.

- If we take, for instance..
- Pavel, when are you going to grow up?

What hot air balloon?
Where are we going to go?

I was joking, don't you understand?

I was joking too.

You made a joke, and so did I.

I was just following your lead.

LYOLYA

And they broke the basket, too.

Olya, your serve.

- One-nil.
- Good job!

Grandmother's here!

Have you brought us anything today,
other than cakes?

I have!

But the ill-mannered little so-and-so

who has the nerve to ask for something
so brazenly

won't be getting any presents
from me.

But little Minya will,

because he's well behaved

and has the common decency
to not ask for things.

Give me your hand.

Here.

Minya,

show me what Grandma gave you.

Mom, mom!

Mom!

So I did the right thing
by not giving a single coin to Lyolya!

How jealous can a person be?

She thinks that if she doesn't get
anything,

then he shouldn't get anything too!

What is it, my little boy?
Why are you crying?

Don't cry. Here are your coins.

There all here, apart from one, maybe.

But I am sure it will turn up
at some point.

By the way, where is
that evil little girl right now, huh?

Here she is.

That little wretch!

She's climbed onto the roof
of the gazebo to avoid a beating.

Get down from there!

Get down this minute!

Let me shoot her down!

- Think you can hit her?
- Of course I can!

- I don't think that's such a good idea!
- Wait!

Mikhail!

You know, I'm sure there's
a less extreme way to do this.

What if she falls down
and breaks a leg?

Everyone will feel sorry
for her then.

Mum, you shouldn't encourage a child
to fire a slingshot,

even if it is for educational purposes!

A slingshot?

You've got a slingshot?

And you were going to use it?

You little sod!
You naughty little sod!

You, you little bugger!

Give me that slingshot this minute!

I bet you've taught Minya how to use
that awful contraption too, haven't you?

He's as good a shot as me.

Give the slingshot here, you rascal!

You hoodlum! You little hooligan!

Give me the slingshot
right this minute!

God only knows
what I'll do to you!

I'll...!

Best keep an eye on that one!

He's surrounded by bad influences!

A rascal neighbour
and a crafty sister!

This slingshot, too.

A slingshot!

Horrible, horrible!
I'll show you, slingshot!

Just imagine, I got hit by a slingshot
because of that evil girl.

No, no, no, no,

that's the last you'll see of me here.

I've had enough of this!

They can bring
my sweet little boy Minya

over to my place from now on.

I"ll give you presents
every time you come to see me.

Whatever you say, mum!

But I'm not sure why you're heaping
so much praise on Minya.

Lyolya, of course, was in the wrong,
but Minya's hardly an angel himself.

If he knew better, he would've shared
his coins with his sister

and not driven her to jealousy
and spite.

And if you were the best grandmother
in the world, you'd have given presents

to all your grandchildren,
not just Minya.

I don't need to stand here
and take this.

Hurling insults at me
from the rooftops!

I will have a cup of tea first, though,

and then think it over.

Let's go. Minya, come on.

Lyolya, get down from the gazebo.

What for?

Come down, there's nothing
to be worried about.

Look.

Just like Michelangelo!
It's excellent!

Don't talk rubbish!

No, not like this. Like this!

Like this!

Grandma was right after all.

I am the best boy in the word!
I've just given Lyolya two coins.

No, no, no.

Two coins for Lyolya is too much.

Let her find the one
that rolled away into the grass,

and she can take that one,
I won't argue.

But you are the best boy in the world.
That's the truth!

No,

the best boy in the world
is the boy who does a good thing

and doesn't boast about it afterwards.

Lyolya,

let's split these coins 50-50.

Five for you and five for me.

Only thing is, one of the coins
rolled away, so it won't be even.

I found that coin.

Well then, I'll take five coins
from the box,

and you take what's left.

Plus the box too.

All right, you keep the box.

- Welcome home!
- Thank you! See you!

Pavel!

Hurray! Uncle Minya's come to visit!

Hurray!

- Are you going to stay long?
- I'll be staying for good!

- Hurray! What have you brought us?
- Let's have a look.

Minya, you'll never guess what happened!
Pavel gave us a ride on a kettle!

And they found drape cloth
in the pommel horse's belly!

And there was also the bag... Ouch!

- Shall we give Pavel his present?
- Yes! Yes!

This is for Pavel!
Just don't pick at the wrapping.

Shall we give your mother Lyolya
her present?

- Yes!
- This is a surprise for your mum!

All right, hurry and take all this
to Pavel for the time being.

- And we're also being evicted!
- And mum's going to go to jail!

- And our house will go to gymnasts!
- So it's a good thing you're here!

Pavel! Minya's here!

He'll be living with us! Hurray!

Minya brought a present for you.
And a surprise for Mother Lyolya.

And who is being evicted?

What's going on? Stop.

We're going to make an arrest.

They're going to make an arrest.

Minya is a good man, he remembered!

I used to have one just like that
when I was a kid,

but your great-grandmother broke it.

It's mine,

you little rascals, no, no, no,
this is a present for me!

- Can we just take a little look?
- Go on then.

We'll be really quick.

Listen, you little rascals, it's mine.
Check this out, instead.

Come here.

Great, huh?

Just don't touch anything.

Careful!

We'll make the arrest and take them
to jail immediately, no discussions!

- Stop!
- What are you doing , comrade?

Please, her brother Minya's come to visit!

- He hasn't been here for two years.
- We can't waste any more time!

Wait, they haven't seen each other
for two years!

- Please!
- Five minutes!

Five minutes! Got it?

- Five minutes won't do any harm.
- Thank you!

Ooh, I could just go for some oranges
and cocoa right now.

And a sweet from the cupboard!

Lyolya, do you remember?

Because of your sore throat, Minya.

instead of playing outside with friends
and going to the circus,

I was told to keep you busy
and play boring billiards.

Just you wait, I'll fall ill too
at some point,

and mum and dad'll buy me
a billiard table or something as well.

Lyolya, you were ill just recently.

Remember, you hurt your head?

Didn't get any presents, though,
did I?

They didn't feel sorry for me at all!

They gave me a good spanking!

Yeah, but that wasn't because you hurt
your head, was it?

It was because you fell down
when you were climbing up the fireplace

to get mum's watch.

I swallowed a billiard ball
by accident.

I was holding it in my mouth
and it slid down through my throat

and all the way inside.

Lyolya, your stomach
is going to explode!

It wouldn't make my stomach explode!

But I'll probably be in great pain
for the rest of my life, though!

It's not like mumps or a sore throat
that's over in three days.

Could you get me a piece of candy
from the cupboard, please?

No, two.

I can have them.

And she came to the window.

The Count ran to her
and fell to his knees.

She raised her fine eyes to heaven,

and the Count fancied he saw tears...

What is our life? A game!

Lyolya swallowed a billiard ball!

Oh, Lyolya, my love!

What is it?

Lyolya, sweetie, how's your stomach?

I feel the ball
rolling around inside,

and it tickles, and I want cocoa
and oranges.

Calm down! Calm down!

We need to undress the child,
put her to bed and go fetch a doctor.

- Let's get you out of those clothes.
- Here, sweetie, come on.

What are you holding?
Does your stomach hurt?

- Come on, honey, come on!
- What are you holding?

How many balls should there be?

Lyolya lied to us.

All the balls are here.

She didn't swallow a ruddy ball!

What are we supposed to make of that?

She's not a normal girl,
she's insane.

There is no other way I can explain
what she did.

Lyolya played a cruel joke on us.

But she played a joke
on the wrong people!

She won't be getting anything from me
for a whole year.

She'll have to go around
in her old shoes

and her old blue dress –
the one she hates!

And the new dress,

the new one for the school party,
this one,

we'll give it to some poor
orphan girl.

You should have waited
until you got the mumps,

rather than lie like that

to get presents from our parents.

I'd completely forgotten about that.

Until recently, when it all came back
to me and I started to think about it.

- I wondered...
- Minya!

The reason you lied to mum and dad
wasn't because you wanted presents.

That's it, I'm off.

When I thought about it,
I decided to jump on a train

and come see you.

When you were little,

you were a nice little boy,
cute like a doll.

Everyone loved you
and felt sorry for you.

But I was growing,
and I was a clumsy girl.

I wanted to be loved too,
I wanted people to feel sorry for me,

at least when I was ill.

- Lyolya, you know what I brought for you?
- No.

- We'll put her in jail...
- Comrades, comrades, officers!

She could've tried to burn
the house down to cover her crime!

Why are you obstructing justice,
comrade?

It's my steam engine!
Lyolya's got nothing to do with it!

Little rascals!
Pavel, what is going on there?

You little rascals!

Hold on!

Fyodor! Pyotr!

Jump down! No, don't jump!

Those little rascals
opened Minya's present!

They are flying on the dress!

- Where? I can't see!
- Hold on!

Mummy!

Pavel, get us down!

Pavel, get us down!

The bag!

It's there!

The bag is there!

Mummy!

Hold on! Hold on!

The same way you got
up there, get down!

Pavel, help us!
Get us down from here!

Got it!

I'm going to catch them! Catch them!

– Oh god!
– Keep their mum away!

- Lyolya, quiet!
- Let go of me!

Let go of me!

– Calm down!
– Are you all right?

- I told you not to touch anything!
- Don't shout!

Keep calm!

- The bench saved them!
- Let me go!

Couple of little rascals, aren't they?
Are you alright?

Is everything alright?

Why aren't you smiling?
Why are you so sad?

No more of this running around
all over the place!

That's enough! Just calm down.
They're fine!

Why are you running around
all the time?

Lyolya, look!

Look, the bag!

- Who would've thought!
- Well, our apologies.

Thank you!

Congratulations!

- Romanych, follow me!
- Yes, Sir!

Looks like we've solved the case!
Let's go!

I knew everything
would turn out right!

- You take care now!
- Good bye!

- You'll never do that again, will you?
- Probably not.

One should love and care
for other people.

Well, at least one should care
for the good ones.

And one should give them
presents sometimes.

Then both those who give

and those who receive
feel happy at heart.

And those who don't do good
to others,

they feel gloomy and sick
to their heart.

Their memory weakens
and their mind grows dark,

and they die before their time.

And good people, on the contrary,

live long and healthy lives.

ABOUT LYOLYA AND MINKA

BASED ON MIKHAIL ZOSCHENKO’S
CHILDREN STORIES

SCRIPT
ALEXANDER ADABASHYAN

ANNA TCHERNAKOVA

DIRECTOR
ANNA TCHERNAKOVA

CINEMATOGRAPHER
ILYA DEMIN R.G.C.

PRODUCTION DESIGNER
ALEXANDER ADABASHYAN

COMPOSER
YURI BRYARS

LYOLYA AS CHILD
EVGENIA SHERBININA

MINYA AS CHILD
ELISEI MYSIN

LYOLYA
TATYANA RYBINETZ

MINYA
ANDREY EMELIANOV

MUM
OLGA KRASKO

DAD
SERGEY STEPANCHENKO

GRANNY
VALENTINA TALYZINA

DAD’S BOSS
ROMAN MADIANOV

TWINS-RASCALS
KOLYA AND SASHA POPOV

AND OTHERS

PRODUCED BY STUDIA 1A