Original subtitles

Instant Swamp

I awake each morning thinking, "Today's the day!"

And go to bed disappointed.

The day starts early in the city. But not for me, Haname Jinchoge.

Mine begins with a cup of Milo sludge.

The rooster used to crow at dawn. Now dawn comes when the rooster crows.

Fools enter the workforce as fools.

Where we're manhandled and manipulated.

With little rest.

I wanna scream!

I wanna scream!

Should I lose control?

Or seek order?

Lose control?

Or seek order?

Either way. I'm off to work.

I try to quit.

But...

I'm powerless.

So I bury myself in the job.

And...

get ridiculed for it.

Another monotone day...

in a monochrome life.

I need some color.

Hey!

Some drama. A touch of danger.

Not really.

I long to stray from the beaten path.

But alas, my life's dull and for the birds.

That said, even they take exception.

Just run!

That's the message in a lot of independent movies.

But it doesn't work in real life.

Who cares? Just run!

I'm tired of fighting over men.

Love shouldn't have to be such a crap shoot.

That's a "crap squat."

Nevertheless, that doesn't mean I'm happy doing nothing.

All I need is a spoonful of happiness and 10 spoonfuls of Milo.

5, 6, 7, 8, 9...

Oops, 10.

Mixed with 12cc's of milk.

Stir to get "Milo sludge." There's no other name for it!

Let's leave aside the question of "Why Milo sludge"?

And simply say I've drunk it since I was 3.

A day without Milo is a day without "Milo sludge".

Even so...

it's not the end of the world.

Tomorrow is another day.

Good morning.

I can't tell the world what to do. But I can start my day with Milo sludge.

- Morning, Mom. - Morning, Haname.

Let us begin.

One, two...

Yes!

Say something.

Hey! Look at this!

That man looks just like Dvorak?

Who?

That criminal! He looks like Dvorak.

Let me see.

- Lassoes in front of Gotanda station!! - Aw, you missed it!

You never look when I tell you to.

But I couldn't help it.

You're slow. You were born 5 seconds too slow.

Yeah, whatever.

That must be it. That's why you're 5 seconds late for everything.

You dawdled in the cervix, too.

Nice morning talk, Ma.

Missing Dvorak doesn't trouble me in the least.

You never see the critical stuff.

What critical stuff?

You ever seen a ghost, or a UFO? Well, I have.

Sure you have.

You know what, a monster once appeared in a swamp by your grandma's house.

- What swamp? - It's gone now.

Figures.

See the impossible for once.

By definition, that's impossible.

I beg to differ.

For example, I bet you can't see that water sprite loitering in the garden right now.

- A water sprite? - That's right, a water sprite.

Where?

There's no such thing.

By the stone lantern.

I don't see anything.

You're just loopy. I don't believe in the impossible.

It's that kind of stuff that drove dad away, remember?

I suppose so.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, you're right.

I'll come again next month, alright?

Okay.

Here, Gonzaburo.

Let's go home, Gonzaburo.

My mom may be a bit scatty, but I know what she means.

Besides my biggest problem right now...

is a feeling of gradual erosion.

Hello, Ogata?

Did the agent agree to a photo shoot?

What?

No!? Why not?

That stinks.

Yeah, okay. Thanks, anyway.

I feel my life slowly but surely eroding away.

"Ill-fated"

Creepy.

I think I know the cause.

My father left us on my 8th birthday.

At that time seeing my mother not put up a fight irked me to no end.

So I threw everything my dad ever gave me into a local swamp.

I found out later that he'd married a rich woman...

so he could lead the easy life.

This simply wasn't acceptable to me.

The memory of the last item, a cat talisman sinking, remains with me.

You blame the cat?

Yeah. It cursed me as it sank.

That's not like you.

How so?

Because you don't believe in that kind of stuff.

True. I don't.

What happened to the swamp?

It's a vacant landfill now.

Oh, yeah? Then why don't you dig it out?

I'll never find it.

But it bothers you, right?

I'd do it. I'd rescue the cat if I could.

Well, I'm not you.

Very true.

Chief?

The boss wants to see you.

Uh oh.

Are sales that bad?

Worse. They're non-existent!

Oh.

How about a big special issue next month?

That won't be enough.

Why's that?

The magazine's doomed. Out the window.

No way! I'll figure out something!

You'll "figure out something"? That's what they all say.

Okay, we'll run a feature that has greater mass appeal.

- Those flowers smell like poop. - Really?

Like a public toilet.

No, I hadn't noticed.

Hey, you're right.

Hey, where's that writer, Ichinose?

She called. Said she's running a bit late.

- Why? - She worked all night.

Eh!? Really?

Is it that surprising?

No, it isn't, actually.

What are you working on?

The "ramen" shop feature.

Oh, yeah. I forgot.

- Not again? - What's that?

My horoscope.

What man your age believes that crap?

But it's accurate!

No, it's not.

That's right. Haname's a big skeptic.

The stars don't know your life!

You sure about that?

Assuredly.

What do you believe in, then?

I see...

Tachibana-kun's question got my mind wandering...

to thoughts of a tiny little ambition of mine.

The truth is I have a crush on someone.

Foota Amaya, our former photographer...

now a huge success in Milan.

Hey! Hey!

Get off our front porch!

We're doing a fashion shoot.

So? What do I care?

Look out!

You could kill someone!

I owe it to static electricity.

In winter, I create static electricity with anyone I come into contact with.

You forgot this, Chief.

Oh, thanks.

- Ow! - So we have a deal then, Haname?

Ouch!

It's the worst with people who aren't my type.

I'm editor Jinchoge.

Hello, Amaya... photographer.

Oh!

Something wrong?

- No electric shock whatsoever. - No, not at all.

That's rare enough to make one believe in fate.

- You okay? - Yeah.

- Stop that! - Looks good on you.

Pose.

"Let's take a souvenir picture of today!!" - What, in here?

For a brief moment, it felt like we were a pair, but...

then he left for Italy.

If my current magazine succeeds...

I plan to start a European-based fashion magazine of my own.

And if all goes well, I could live with Amaya in Milan.

But that dream is being crushed under a heap of unsold magazines.

Hello? Ichinose, you're late

Is that right? Then wait in the lobby. I'll be right down.

Okay.

Where are my business cards?

Ti-hya-mo-chai.

Ow!

What the...?

Hey! Ms. Ichinose!

'Scuse me.

That ramen had no flavor.

- Whole garlic? - Yep.

- T'aint nothing. - Hear hear.

You recommended it.

Yes, I did.

Well, t'aint nothing.

No, it's "Nuthin'."

You've gotta say it like, "nuthin'".

"T'aint nuthin'."

- Pardon? - Huh?

Did you just say something?

"T'aint nuthin'!"

Oh, sorry... Ugh, talk about bad breath!

Well, excuse me!

Ah, look here.

Route 20 Mints.

Please try some.

T'aint nuthin'.

Hey, look.

T'aint nuthin'.

Yes, hello?

T'ain't nuthin'.

What? Return to the office now?

"Route 20 Mints" "Do your sighs smell bad?"

T'aint nuthin'.

Ugh! Makes my eyes sting.

The train is now arriving at platform three...

Like I was saying Boss, we're just at the stage where readers are getting a feel for the magazine.

Problem?

Well, to be frank your breath doesn't do much for morale.

Well, excuse me, but I was on my way home.

Still, it stinks.

Anyway, your argument lacks a sense of crisis.

Well, when you're trying something new...

At any rate the next issue needs something topical or else...

How about a story on spirit ghosts?

Spirit ghosts? The supernatural, huh?

- I'm sensitive to ghostly phenomena. - Really?

Hey, give me a break. A feature on "ghosts"?

It's cosmopolitan women's magazine!

- Summer's the time for it. - No, it isn't.

How about you, Ichinose?

I think...

Whoah! No offense but... that's one stinky sneeze.

Well, sorry!

I mean, really.

In the end, we found ourselves leaving to report on some "ghost spot".

Good morning.

Morning.

Is it far to this so-called "cursed swamp"?

3 hour-drive into the mountains.

- What kind of curse is it? - Hell if I know.

- Good morning. - Hey.

- Morning. - Hey, did this hotel give you the creeps?

Yeah! It did!

I heard strange noises all night. There's definitely something up with this hotel.

Hardly.

- Good morning. - Morning.

I was just talking to Ms. Kurara... did anyone find this hotel a bit creepy?

Since I was little, I've often seen things like this.

Did you see anything. Ms. Tachibana?

Well, nothing like that but... I experienced sleep paralysis.

You did!?

Haname, there's definitely something here.

There isn't. It's a perfectly normal hotel.

It's haunted, for sure.

- My lights flickered. - For real?

How can you all possibly believe in ghosts?

Then what did we come here for?

Good point.

Good point, my ass. Don't be a troublemaker.

Okay.

That's great.

- Hold it. - Right.

Never mind.

- How about cold Chinese noodles for lunch? - Let's go with a slightly sad look.

Good idea, as it's so hot.

Hey, take a look at this.

I'm sorry.

What is it?

It's real strong.

What?

- The curse? - I can't do this.

- I feel exactly the same! It's got to be the curse. - It must be.

Let's call it quits. What if something awful should happen?

- I agree. - Me, too.

What!? If there is something, we need to report on it.

Stop being such sissies!

Hey, wait!

Stop it!

What for?

Don't bait it.

Don't harumph!

Why? Will a dragon or a sprite appear?

Something bigger.

What? How stupid!

Produce something then. Prove me wrong!

Can't do that.

Then I'll believe you!

You've angered it!

Now you've done it!

And so we will be suspending the magazine indefinitely.

A "banzai" would be out of place, so let's close by saying, "too bad".

Well then, shall we? One, two...

Too bad.

You having fun, Boss? You all think this is funny?

Psst... Haname.

I don't find it funny at all!

Take it easy, Jinchoge!

Calm down, Haname-san.

Ow!

You all right?

Ouch...

Thanks for everything.

No... thank you.

No regrets, then?

About what?

Not sticking with it.

Nope!

Yes, of course.

Stop moping!

Okay.

- Set it down there. - Sure.

Oh, I want to give you this.

What's this?

A good luck charm. It really works.

Thanks.

I made it myself.

What about you?

I can introduce you to an editor friend.

No, I'm fine.

You sure?

Yes, I'm getting married.

Whoah...

Whoah!

"Parking Violation"

Considering all my bad luck, I began to believe in curses.

I even tried to dig up the cat talisman.

Whoa!

What's this?

It's hopeless.

Coming!

"Waste Not Want Not." We're recyclers.

"Inspected"

You should sell your CDs to resellers. We don't pay.

What's this? You've got to be kidding!

Don't take it, then.

Moody.

Say what?

Uh, nothing.

At any rate, this is too much trouble. Just take everything, okay? All of it!

We don't often get requests like that.

Ow!

- Everything? - That's what she said.

- Impulsive, huh. - Pardon?

- Going abroad, Miss? - No.

What gives, then?

I bet she is going abroad.

Ouch!

I said, I'm not.

I don't like that guy.

Is that so?

Where you moving to?

Nowhere.

Then why?

Lots of reasons. I feel like making a fresh start.

- Hey! - He's just faking.

No offense.

It's still rude.

My head!

- And this? - Take it, I don't need it.

- This'll be hard sell. - Someone will buy it.

I doubt it.

What's wrong?

You think this will sell?

Not a chance. I'd like to see what idiot would buy this, though.

What do you mean by that!?

Huh?

What was that?

Life really sucks.

Right, Gonzaburo?

You don't have a girlfriend, do you? You lonely, Gonzaburo?

- Hello. - Hello, there.

"USA Farm - Rabbit Breeding"

Right, then! Go find yourself a girl!

Careful. They've got males mixed in.

Well, if that's his preference, that's okay.

The hat?

He's dressed to kill.

I see.

Okay! Go get 'em!

If he finds a girl, will you sell her to me?

Don't worry. Just set your mind at ears.

Huh? Did I use that phrase okay?

That was fine. They're 2,800 yen each?

2,800 yen each.

Hachiro, 5/8ths a pail of chips for lunch?

Wonderful!

Hello.

Well, can't be helped.

Pardon?

Gonzaburo!

Mister, help!

What's wrong?

Which one is Gonzaburo?

How should I know?

Of course.

Gonzaburo?

Gonzaburo?

You ought to know.

Well, I don't!

Wait, wait!

Gonzaburo!

Gonzaburo!

"Route 20 Mints" "Do your sighs smell bad?"

Hello?

Yes, speaking.

What?

Ehhh!?

Yes, that's right. A construction worker found the woman.

She was floating in Lake Mannen.

No, she doesn't appear to be conscious.

We're sending her to hospital.

Goodnight then, Detective.

Oh, right, thanks.

Homicide?

She's not dead yet.

Will be a homicide?

Like I was saying, she's not dead.

Not yet but...

Like I said, she ain't dead!

Testy.

Chief! How are you?

- Could be worse. - Really?

I just heard on the radio that they've contacted her daughter.

- Is that right? - Yes.

She's on her way to the hospital.

ICU No. 3!

Prepare to intubate!

Coming through.

For the time being all we can do is wait for her to regain consciousness.

Will she?

We can't say yet.

What's wrong?

I'm sorry. I just pushed this button, and it went "beep."

Please avoid making it "beep."

All righty.

Don't worry.

What's your problem?

Sorry, Doctor. It beeped again.

It's fine.

It's working.

Good.

If you need anything, use the "nurse call" button.

I will.

You come with me.

Always causing trouble.

Could be a crime or just an accident.

Beep!

Pardon?

Only one set of footprints.

Really?

Sorry, Ma'am.

We'll still investigate it as...

attempted murder, attempted suicide, or as merely an accident.

Pardon me Miss Jinchoge, but...

would your mother have any reason to attempt suicide?

No.

Was she resented by anyone, in particular?

Not at all.

I see.

Any reason she'd go to that lake?

Well...

The thing is, when we were fishing her out of the lake...

we did find something odd.

Yes?

This device here.

Any idea what it is?

Afraid not.

It was lying very close to where your mother was found.

Anything come to mind?

No.

I don't know.

What do you think this rod and cucumber means?

Some kind of invention?

I wouldn't call it an "invention". Would you?

Hardly.

'Course not.

Cucumber to catch water sprites?

Don't trivialize things.

Yes, sir. I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Another oddity was found in the lake, too.

A post post.

"Post post"?

Post box.

- Oh, that's right. - Huh?

Stolen 30 years ago.

A post box.

Yes, a post box.

Well, I may have said a little too much, but still...

So Nakajima, found anything?

Well, most of the letters are illegible. But some are okay.

Hey!

What is it?

Huh? How do you read these characters?

"Jinchoge."

No way.

I'm serious.

Man, I want to quit forensics!

Anyway, this letter emerged.

It was sent by your mother.

We could deliver it to the address listed on it.

But we thought you should see it.

Ti-hya-mo-chai.

Excuse me?

I mean, we're dealing with something big here.

What?

Just try and relax.

That would be you.

Exactly.

What does it say?

I can't...

Give us an idea.

Please.

It could be important.

Could be.

But if I tell you...

you'll learn that I'm not my father's child.

Sorry?

According to the letter...

skipping over some stuff...

the most surprising bit reads...

"The child I am carrying is yours."

"But I plan to keep that locked away in my heart as I marry 'him'."

So the letter's addressed to your real dad?

It would appear so.

But I have my doubts.

Something wrong?

Why the pirouette?

Why not?

Forget "gradual erosion." My life was plunging into a bottomless swamp.

According to my Aunt Ikeda, the man in the letter was Noburo Jinchoge...

a distant relative of my mother's and something of a stain on the family.

He disappeared a year before I was born, and hasn't been heard from since.

Still I couldn't help wonder what kind of person my "real dad" was.

Maybe my comatose mother...

would regain consciousness after a touching reunion with this man.

"Noburo Jinchoge"

This way.

Or maybe, I thought greedily, he'd turn out to be some big tycoon.

Yes!

Anyhow, I decided to seek out the address on the letter.

I didn't expect to find him, though. After all, the address was 30 years old.

The address led me to a suspicious-looking antique shop.

"Antiques welcomed."

Who're you!?

What do you want?

Well, I'm looking for a Mr. Noburo Jinchoge.

That's me.

I'm Noburo Jinchoge.

I'm sorry to have disturbed you.

Wait! Come in.

So, what is it?

Oh, just a few interesting circumstances.

Antique shop?

What's it look like? Well, they're not real antiques.

Not real?

'Course they're real!

Take this for example.

- What's that? - Dried scorpion, for herbal medicine.

Really? People buy this?

See?

That's an antique?

No. A personal effect.

Who are you?

Actually, I'm a Jinchoge, too.

A relative?

Yeah, distant... very distant.

That's good.

Gum?

Thank you.

Ow!

Funny, huh?

No, it's not!

Are you considered "missing", Mr. Noburo?

Who said that?

All your relatives.

Yes, I used to be a roamer.

Up until 5 years ago.

Oh my God.

Oh my...

Phew.

This is no run-of-the-mill cat talisman.

It's a wealth-generating miracle worker. I'll sell it to you for 2,000 yen.

- Only, 2,000 yen. - I'll take it!

I survived by selling junk. And I learned what people wanted.

Hence the shop?

No, I was fibbing just now.

Huh?

I was in prison.

- Really? - No.

- Look, Bub... - But I have been all over Japan.

Let me ask you again. Are you Noburo Jinchoge?

Me? No.

I thought not.

Just kidding. I'm him.

What's the deal with you?

And what's that?

It's a secret coating.

It turns anything old.

For faking stuff?

For aging stuff.

Still...

- Hand me your cell phone. - Okay.

What're you doing!?

You'll like this.

No, I won't!

Hey, Ma... what's the deal with this letter, huh?

Is my real father Noburo Jinchoge?

That shady peddler's my dad?

Hey, don't play dead with me.

You're conscious, aren't you?

Stop fooling around and start taking some responsibility for your actions.

If you're going to harbor a secret like that, why can't it be...

Oh darling~

even remotely romantic?

No resemblance whatsoever.

Life sucks.

And it's getting worse by the second.

No need to ever see him again.

This letter is... rabbit food.

No rabbit.

Huh? My cell phone...

It's Haname Jinchoge. I visited you earlier today.

I believe I left my cell phone there.

Yes, the one you doused in mud.

That's the one.

No, I can't make it out there. Could you send it to me at...?

Hey, I'm still talking. Don't just hang up!

XXX! XXX! Meow!

- Well? - What have you done!

- It's hideous! - That's odd, where is it...

Watch it, onion breath!

Sorry, sorry.

Hey, Mr. Light Bulb! Look here! What'll you give me for this painting?

What's that? I'll give you 10 yen.

10 yen, huh?

10 yen... ten... 10 yen!

Really? But I thought it was pretty good. Don't you think it's good?

2 yen, then!

Move it!

Really? It's a good painting, though.

He got smaller.

Terrible painting, wasn't it.

You could tell?

Of course.

Want to get something to eat?

- Outta of the way, crab breath! - Okay...

Eat up.

Looks delicious!

Sure is. Right, Mama?

You bet. One bite and... you'll do flips.

What's her story?

Ah, that's good!

Wow, this is fabulous! I'm surprised.

- You see? - Yeah, tasty.

That good, huh?

I haven't eaten well of late.

- Things are tough? - Yeah, kind of.

What's your mom's name?

You kinda resemble someone.

I do?

A woman I knew... the way you savor your food.

Um...

Welcome.

Hey, Light Bulb.

Yo, Gas. Punk rockers eat omelets?

Why not?

Punk's should eat something bad for them.

Who asked you?

Gas here is a hapless punk rocker.

Shut up.

- This is Haname. - I'm Haname.

Gas.

Ow!

Anyway's, you Light Bulb's girl?

- No. - She's a relative.

How boring.

No, it's not.

I see a resemblance.

- To whom? - To Light Bulb.

Absolutely not!

There is.

No need to glare.

An illegitimate child of yours?

It's nothing like that!

It's very iffy.

Could this "Light Bulb man" really be my father?

So the question is... do I show him the letter or not?

Thief!

Hello?

What is that?

Here's the switch.

Is it safe? Beware of electric shock.

Hey!

Not funny.

"Fish Sausage" - What's that?

Beats me.

"Yam Noodles"

What's this?

Let's try it again.

"Fish Dumpling"

Hey.

You again?

What's that?

Ah!

I know!

- It's an "oden" roulette device. - Why?

Dunno. But these are all "oden" ingredients.

- Can I ask something? - Sure.

Why make a roulette device for "oden"?

How should I know?

Is there a need for this?

I doubt it. Maybe it's for commercial use.

Ah, you may have a point there!

Commercial use, right?

"Red poppy"

"Red poppy"? Can't eat that.

That's odd.

"Indian Summer"

Weird. It's straying even further from food.

This...

It's just nonsense.

Gotcha.

What do you think it's for, then?

Who cares?

You don't want to know?

Not in the slightest.

What's that?

Wheat Sludge. Hungry?

No, thanks. That's gross.

Right?

Excuse me...

Yes?

Mr. Light Bulb?

That's me.

I'm so glad. I've been looking for you.

You have? Me?

Welcome, Madam. You... get out!

- Hey! - What the hell!?

Can you help me?

Certainly. Your wish is my command.

Huh? See that change?

Must be his "type".

The truth is I'd like to look for something.

You've come to the right place. What is it your searching for?

Do you have a King Tut fortune-telling machine?

No, that's not it.

Come again?

It came out over 20 years ago.

"Insert 100 yen"?

It showed the face of one's future spouse.

It was shaped like King Tut.

In the name of the pharaoh, please enter your date of birth and gender.

Very well. Your future partner in life will be this gentleman.

It produced a photograph.

Let me see.

Oh my God. He looks dorky.

You try then, Wakako.

Very well. Your future partner in life will be this gentleman.

Hey, let me see.

No!

Let me see!

Wait!

You ate it?

Yes... well...

He was that bad, huh?

I don't remember his face. I ate the photo so quickly.

I'm confused here.

You feared facing your destiny. All people do.

But why eat it?

She was "swallowing" her fate.

Yeah, whatever.

Please don't laugh.

Hey!

It's the pharaoh's curse.

You see... I'm still single.

With your beauty?

What pharaoh's curse?

Of course, I've been proposed to by a man.

But I just couldn't be sure if...

he was the one...

in the photograph.

Little obsessive?

Hasn't anything ever bothered you like that?

Ah!

If it bothered you that much, why didn't you try it again?

I did.

I returned to the same place the next day.

But the King Tut fortune-telling machine was gone.

Excuse me! Where's the King Tut fortune-telling machine?

I asked a nearby bar owner about it.

He denied it ever existed.

Sounds like something from The Twighlight Zone.

- That's for sure. - So you want me to find it?

It's not here, is it?

- Regrettably, no. - I see.

Never heard of such a thing.

Perhaps you imagined it?

No. I saw it.

I haven't.

You only believe what you can see, so stay out of this.

Why?

We humans can see the unbelievable, if we allow ourselves to believe it.

I don't allow it.

Quiet, greenhorn!

Huh!?

I beg you to find it. I can pay you fairly well.

Are you pretty well off?

Yes, somewhat.

Don't worry. Consider it found.

- Right? - Don't look at me.

- Thanks so much for your tme. - Well, see you again.

Wait a second!

Here, this'll bring you luck.

Thank you.

Oh, wait! Please!

What a sucker he is taking a job like that.

But you'll look for it, right?

She's paying us.

I've never heard of a King Tut fortune-telling machine.

Even so, if it was 20 years ago, it's probably been destroyed.

You don't know that.

Huh? Whose side are you on?

What do you mean?

Be consistent here.

Do you believe that? Or not?

I waver sometimes too, you know.

A King Tut machine, right?

Find anything?

I sure did.

Sorry to bother you with this.

No problem at all.

So how's married life so far? Troublesome?

Lovely.

- How nice. - Yes.

I don't care.

You don't?

I don't.

Now that fortune telling machine you're wondering about...

- Here it is. - This?

"Pharaoh Tells All" - Yes, that's it.

- Oh, wow! - Yeah.

So this is it.

A company called Taian Trading got it from guess where?

Where?

Overseas.

Creepy.

Ugh!

Yes, I remember.

Really?

Why would I lie?

Good point.

Egyptian-looking.

King Tut, was it?

That was a real puzzling piece of machinery.

It produced photographs of people's future spouses, right?

Yeah, that's right.

Hey, how did it work?

Don't ask me. I have no idea.

But it was accurate.

You're kidding.

It was right about...

my wife.

Um... is the machine still around?

God, no.

Hey, Boss!

Dead crow here!

What? Get rid of it then.

No way!

Unbelievable... It takes all kinds, right?

Might you have a bill of goods or something?

No.

Look here, it was over 20 years ago. And nobody bought them.

What do you say to that?

Nothing.

If it's gone, it's gone.

Let's make one.

How?

I'm an electrician.

Not gas?

So sue me.

She'll know for sure.

Maybe not.

Yes, she will.

She wants to believe.

I suppose so.

Oh, I want to show you something.

Hold this.

Well?

A nail?

Bent in a very telling way.

You think so?

Too bad. You fail.

This is how I determine my friends... if a person understands this.

With a nail?

People who can appreciate this... earn my trust.

Ready or not...!

Ready!

You see, I once found a perfectly bent nail in a storehouse.

A hook nail.

Look here!

I showed it off to everybody at school.

Ta-da! Isn't it great?

- But nobody agreed with me. - Crazy!

The first to appreciate it was, surprisingly, my mom.

The secret to good sketches is size.

She called it "lovely." And we both drew pictures of it.

When I worked for a magazine...

and we did a feature on antiques...

I suggested the nail for the cover page, but...

But?

It was rejected.

Except for a writer named Ichinose. She said it was cute.

So I fail?

Miserably! You didn't get it at all.

Big deal.

Fail, fail, fail!

Shut up!

Hey.

Forget it. There's no King Tut.

You never know.

Break the news to Ms. Wakako yourself, okay?

Ms. Wakako... what an incredible beauty. I'd like to marry her.

I bet... you cheat.

"Cheat"?

Well, because...

Oh my! I didn't know you liked me that much, Haname.

You should've said sooner.

That's not it!

What're you doing?

Puckering up.

Gross.

- Hey, Light Bulb... - Yeah, what's up?

Hello.

There's a game graveyard.

Bingo!

So we all spontaneously headed for an arcade game graveyard.

So you were investigating on your own, Gas?

Found it by chance.

Thank you.

He's an okay guy, really.

- For a punk rocker. - Quiet.

Let's all get along.

That's right.

Hold it.

You two!

- Yes, I certainly remember seeing it. - Really?

He's got a good memory.

Must've been 20 years ago.

This?

Wow, that's nostalgic!

- Think it's really here? - Well, it's possible.

That's right. That heap is for stuff under 30 years old.

Have a look.

Looks impossible.

Don't worry. Things have a way of working out.

By the way, where's the third guy?

He died.

Eh?

Just kidding, he has indigestion.

What the...?

Can I borrow this?

Sure, go ahead.

Gas excavated the game graveyard...

as if he were an archaeologist among the pyramids of Egypt.

Pretty soon, he'd found something odd.

What?

I found a cave.

That's suspicious.

- Let's go in. - You're kidding!

Okay! We'll split up.

I'd rather not.

That's okay. We'll handle it.

What...?

Then I bid you "pharaoh".

Oh, that's shocking.

You brought the rain with that.

What could be worse?

Hey!

How's this?

Resourceful!

Here. You'll catch a cold.

Thank you.

Surprisingly effective.

I feel enchanted.

Like the Seven Dwarves.

- Haname! - Coming!

What is it?

Grab that end.

Here?

- One, two... - Okay!

Wow!

Whoah!

Ah, you found it.

You bet.

Your appointment with destiny has come.

Ow... my tummy.

What's up with you?

How's it look, Gas?

Well, the wiring looks intact.

Gas the electrician. Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Don't sweat it.

Okay, let's give it a whirl.

Got an outlet?

Here.

Ready?

Just a moment!

My tummy's acting up again.

You should eat better.

Go find a toilet.

I'm okay now.

Here goes.

That's funny.

It's not plugged in yet.

Well, come on.

Yipee!

We did it! We did it!

Pipe down.

Oh...

All right, Ms. Wakako. It's time.

Yes.

My life's bill has come due.

In the name of the pharaoh, please enter your date of birth and gender.

Very well. Your future partner in life will be this gentleman.

Ms. Wakako.

Yes.

Huh!?

So, what's he like?

Eh!?

Ms. Wakako's case aside...

I soon found myself obsessed with antiques.

While I'm sure many items carry historical value...

I'm more intrigued by those imbued with sentimental value.

What's one man's garbage is another man's treasure.

The thrill is detecting value in something that seems worthless.

Then watching it's value rise.

- Wait, I was first. - Hey...

Give that back!

It's all very strange and exciting.

- Stop it! - Get off!

Let go! Give it back.

Stop!

So I decided to show Mr. Light Bulb my most prized possession.

What's this?

A bent nail.

A "bent nail"?

It's a great nail!

Right?

Remarkable!

The degree of rust, the arc of it's bend.

It's the best I've seen!

You understand!?

No, wait.

It's an ideal specimen.

I'm so glad you agree.

I'll give you 1,000 yen for it.

No! It's my prized possession. It's not for sale!

- 10,000 yen! - Ah, sold.

Just kidding.

What's that?

You should open a shop.

Pardon?

You may have "the gift".

Follow me.

We went to a mountain temple.

To appraise an heirloom of some kind.

What is it?

A water sprite.

What?

Mummified water sprite, to be exact.

Oh, come on!

Without a doubt. Please examine it.

Certainly.

Excuse me.

Yes? Oh, hello! Yes, yes, of course...

I see.

My profession?

Excuse me.

Hello?

I'm a "soryo," a monk.

That's right, I said "Soryo".

Soryo (Soryu) Aska Langley. (Neon Genesis Evangelion character)

- Oh, excuse the pun. - Water sprite?

I see them sometimes.

Most are fakes, made with turtle shells.

A real one fetches 30 million yen.

Don't be stupid.

If it is real, then maybe the one mother saw was...

It was nothing but a prank.

Scared you, though.

Well, of course!

It's strange how people really do "recoil" in fear.

Yes, it is. Can I put you down, now?

No!

Why not?

Hey...

What?

Did you ever marry?

Nope.

Why do you ask?

It's a secret.

Why you...!

Safe.

Shut up.

You know what, Mr. Light Bulb is an interesting guy.

I can see what you saw in him, Ma.

Hey, should I show him the letter and bring him here?

Maybe then you'll wake up.

Stop playing Sleeping Beauty!

Please lower your voice.

Oh... sorry.

So rude!

There's something I want to do, Ma.

Hmm?

You serious?

Dead serious.

A pawn shop?

Antiques.

I worry about your gradual erosion.

Well, don't!

What, has marriage made you stodgy?

So, how's married life?

We got divorced.

Oh my.

That was quick.

One month exactly.

How'd that happen?

Can I not say?

Oh gosh, I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Nothing a good night's sleep won't cure.

Here we are. An opinion leader in antique shops.

A lot of shops take their cues from this place.

"Artless"

Looks real chic.

It's charming.

Cute, huh?

Yeah.

- That's adorable. - So cute!

20,000 yen!

Bit expensive, don't you think?

What'd you expect?

- Yeah, but for this? - You gotta admit it's cute.

Quiet, please.

Oh, sorry.

What's up with him?

Knock it off.

Oh, sorry.

Ow...

- Stop it. - It's my stomach.

Well, excuse me!

It was stylish, though.

That's what's annoying.

True.

Which is why I shouldn't launch a fashion magazine.

What's wrong?

I gave pause.

Why did I work for that publisher in the first place?

I hope it fails, and everyone goes home!

Ho-hum. I think I've failed in life.

What's wrong?

Things just haven't been going well.

Maybe I'll join a cult.

No, that's not me.

Hey, Ichinose! Heard anything interesting lately?

- I have. - What?

Remember Ms. Tachibana?

Yeah, how is she?

- She's in Italy right now. - Really?

She was chosen for that new European magazine project.

She was, huh?

Shocked?

Not at all.

What's more, she's living with Amaya the photographer, in Milan.

Huh?

Right now, I've got a million yen in savings.

Right!

Well, no use just dragging my feet. Time to go all out!

Look out! Here I come!

A branch office shouldn't be punished for headquarter's poor accounting.

It's just not fair.

Whoa!

Ah, I'm overdoing it.

Uh, no, it's nothing.

You still there? No, I'm not crying. Why would I cry?

So I threw half my savings into opening a small antique shop of my own.

No more gradual erosion for me. But I still had one problem.

Welcome.

Shall we go?

No sales whatsoever.

"Let's take a souvenir picture of today!!"

Ho-hum...

The back sliding returns.

Hey, what's up?

Absolutely nothing.

Nothing at all?

Yep. No tension, no excitement, nothing.

- Want some advice? - Sure.

Open up your water faucet.

What do you mean?

Come here.

Huh?

Right! Let's buy a soda.

Eh? But it'll overflow!

That's the thrill!

Hang on...

Wait!

Hurry!

There it is! Go! Go!

Hurry up! There's no time to lose!

- What'll you have? - Erm, that!

And you?

Not soda!

Ah!! Tea!

Got it! Right, let's go!

Hurry!

Oh, crap!

Safe!

I almost peed my pants! Oh, my nerves!

- See? - Such a thrill just from buying a soda!

Okay, next!

Now I get you.

Full blast?

Full blast!

Good!

Let's eat lunch!

Right you are!

- Excuse me! - Yes, what'll it be?

- Chukadon! - Sure.

- Chili shrimp. - Okay...

Don't order that!

Why not?

Takes too long! Listen, with mine, the vegetables are already prepared.

And you just throw it on rice.

But with shrimp, they have to deep-fry... aaah!

Thank you!

Bad choice!

- But I wanted it. - Hurry!

Argh!! Out of the way!

Too late?

Safe!

Oh, my nerves are shot!

- What're you doing? - Ah, I'm worn out!

Wow, amazing tension!

- The faucet thing's incredible! - Isn't it!

You lost me. Anyways, how's your shop?

It's the absolute pits!

'Cause it lacks character!

It doesn't! It's stylish unlike this musty old fleabag!

You need targeted merchandise! Not just anything will do!

I sell white elephants!

Copycat.

That won't work!

What will then!?

Think!

I got it!

What!?

Black things!

But that's copycat, too!

I'll try it!

So I blew the rest of my savings on cute, black things.

- This is really cute, isn't it? - Yes.

I'll take it please.

Thank you. That'll be 2,000 yen.

Thank you.

Yes!

Excuse me, can I get through.

Haname!

- Ichinose! - Excuse me, sorry.

Can I squeeze by? Thanks.

Wow! This place is booming!

- Thanks to your article. - Ah, it was nothing.

It's alright, you can be yourself here.

Wow, time for new procurement!

No, no, metrically speaking, the economy's still on the decline.

Exactly, we need to make downward revisions.

- Whoah! - Oh yeah!!

You betcha!

No, it's nothing.

You know what, let's put those revisions on hold for a bit.

Hi!

Hey!

What?

Eh?

You called me here, remember?

Strike!

How's business?

Thriving. I recouped my investment.

That's great. How much was that?

About a million yen.

Wow.

Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something, Light Bulb.

Me, too.

Rock, paper, scissors!

Me first.

Dang.

Look, I've decided to close the shop.

What!? Why?

It's time.

I'm a roamer. I've stayed in one place too long.

I see.

I hate that flag-raising.

They can't time it with the music.

See? Too slow!

Can't they adjust it halfway up?

I don't want my life to be like that. It's time.

I see. So, when?

Tomorrow.

- Come on? - No, really.

You can't close shop that quickly.

Never underestimate the antique network. They're predatory.

What will you do?

Hit the road.

You're a distant relative, right?

Yeah.

This is a key to the Jinchoge family storehouse.

- Storehouse? - Yes, that's right.

What's in it?

An untold fortune. But I can't divulge.

- Why not? - 'Cause I don't know.

Well, what do you say?

I'll take it.

A million yen.

Eh!?

The bank will be closing shortly.

Thank you for your business today.

Hey.

Zip... whoosh.

Really?

Untold fortune, right?

Absolutely. I've done my share of swindling, but this is a mountain of treasure.

I'll hunt you down and beat you if you lie.

Okay.

Yo.

Hi.

What's this? Something up?

Nope, nothing.

I'm going to miss you.

You'd better.

Miss me? Not with Ms. Wakako around.

- No need to bring that up. - Excuse me?

Huh? You didn't tell her?

No, he didn't.

I was about to.

So speak.

He's gonna live with her.

Really?

Really.

That big act you staged paid off.

It wasn't a big act.

What big act?

The King Tut fortune telling machine. It wasn't buried.

It wasn't?

It was staged.

Why?

'Cause Light Bulb fell for Ms. Wakako.

I happened upon the machine a while ago.

We planted the photo, got everything ready. Made it seem like we had just found it.

And bingo!

Hold it right there!

Don't tell her. I want to be her man of destiny.

Come on... so that emotional discovery was all a fix?

Of course. You think a 20-year-old machine would work?

You two are... scum.

Why?

Now I can't believe anything!

Then here. Take this back.

Keep it!

I'm just... so disappointed!

Watch it!

Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Excuse me...

Yes?

Is this nail for sale?

Erm...

- There's no price tag. - Uh, no.

It's beautiful isn't it?

300 yen.

I'll take it.

Thank you.

This makes me so happy.

Me, too.

Thanks.

Here.

- Thank you. - You too.

Wait...

Yes?

Uh, nothing. Thank you.

No, wait.

It's an ideal specimen.

Door key...

Got it.

I wonder why I never called him Dad,

knowing I might never see him again.

I shouldn't have been so stubborn.

Not believing in ghosts, or things I can't confirm with my own eyes.

It's ultimately stubbornness.

That's it, the weight of my stubbornness is what's dragging me into the swamp.

It was a surprisingly big store.

He's gone, huh?

Did I mess things up?

What do you mean?

By opening my big mouth.

Oh, that. Maybe.

He told me to apologize to you for him.

That, too, is pathetic.

And say thanks for the dough.

Worse than pathetic. Selfish, right?

Yeah, sure is.

Ultra-super special ultimate selfish, right?

No doubt.

Read this.

It's a letter my mom wrote to Mr. Light Bulb.

What?

Eh!?

This is pure anarchy!

It sure is.

Now what?

Nothing.

This.

Oh, that.

Well, I might as well see if the key is genuine or not.

If it is a key to a storehouse, then it should contain a lot of stuff.

Maybe no gold, but perhaps one good little find worth a million yen or so.

Hurry up.

I'm hurrying.

Get a move on.

I'm hungry.

Live with it.

Ah! Over there! Come on!

This it?

I'm sure of it.

Hey, it's sealed.

You think it might be cursed or something?

That was quick.

That leaves...

this.

It opened!

Light Bulb was telling the truth!

Ah...

Eh?

Hey... Are you all right?

What's all this?

Dirt?

What!?

Just dirt? Thanks a lot!

He deceived you?

Yeah, he did. That jerk!

I'll kill him!

Ah!

Argh!!!

Ti-hya-mo-chai.

You okay?

Give it up. He duped you.

No. There's a reason for this dirt.

Like what?

Ah! Maybe there's gold dust mixed in here.

Maybe we just didn't notice. But it's there.

Then be my guest.

Why fill this thing with dirt, and then seal the place up?

Help me, please.

You were duped.

At least till the sun dips behind those hills.

Just till the sun goes down!

Forget about it.

Are you asleep?

Hey, Mr. Gas?

What?

What if that dirt itself is some kind of valuable resource.

Like plutonium...

Nope.

Yeah, you're right.

Sorry. Your trying to sleep?

Yeah.

You think the dirt contains special powers?

Ah! Like for growing huge plants.

Nope.

- What if...? - Nope!

- How about...? - Just forget it.

I know but...

He deceived you, after all.

I don't think he was trying to "deceive" me. It just turned out that way.

Excuse me.

Can I clear your plates?

Yes, thank you.

Thank you.

Was there no hot water in the thermos?

Oh, no, I like it this way.

Oh...

What is that?

Milo sludge.

"Milo sludge"?

Very amusing.

It must be like eating mud or something.

Her father likes it, too.

You don't say.

Ah!!!

I got it! I got it! I got it!

Got what?

What the dirt is!

Hey, Gas! What do you think this is?

Dirt.

Absolutely not!

This here is...

instant swamp!

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

This is swamp mud converted to dirt.

You're nuts.

Add water to this... and you get a swamp!

Spare me, please. I've come this far.

"This far"? Have you any idea where you are?

Mt. Fuji's 5th stage? 9th stage? Who knows?

God help me.

There was indeed a swamp here.

See? What'd I tell you?

So what?

This map is from the Edo period, early 1700's.

Hey, yeah. This swamp is gone, right?

That's right.

Right?

So what?

So if we move forward a little more in time...

Ah, things weren't easy.

No, they weren't.

Not in the Edo Period.

Not in the Edo Period.

Right?

Right.

Oh, the native people's festival temple.

Native people's festival.

I'm guessing you like this kind of stuff, eh Miss?

Don't be so lewd.

She does.

Quiet!

Ah, finally! Look here!

This is a Tempo period village map. No swamp here.

Just an open field, like today.

"Year of Tempo 8, June 6" - Ah, this is it!

Bingo!

Hooray.

This is the swamp.

Right! I'm taking it home.

Are you serious?

Of course. This is my swamp!

The swamp I brought for a million yen.

How do we do this?

Parcel postage?

Oh, box it up, fill out slips.

Hey!

You're strange.

Come on, Gas. You can drive a truck, right?

Look, just forget it, all right?

No, I'm definitely taking it.

Be rational.

Don't talk to me about rational, punk rocker!

Say what?

You're a punk rocker!

You're supposed to be irrational! So be irrational!

Shut up!

Fine! Who needs you!?

Go home! You jerk!

What's with her, anyway?

It's a sand quarry. High quality mountain dirt.

Why am I so gung-ho about this?

Is it just anger at my father? Or added anger at Gas?

At any rate, it's going home. I don't care, I'm sending it all.

One, two...

Ah! Give me a break!

Poop!

Come on.

Come on! Come on!

Parcel collection service!

You're an okay guy, really. Not cut out for Punk, perhaps?

Quit your yapping. Anyhow, what're you going to do with all this?

Return it to it's real state.

Then what?

I'll feel good.

Like father, like daughter.

Excuse me?

Just like Light Bulb.

Hardly.

Ultra-super special ultimate selfish.

Here! My mom's place.

Keep it coming!

I'm dumping.

Please.

Oh, watch out!

Wow.

Over here, please!

What now?

Come on.

Here goes!

Ready?

- I suppose. - Spread it to there.

From about here to there.

Okay, spread! Get to it.

Let's do this!

Ugh.

Come on. Get a move on!

I am.

So much to do!

It's very swamp-like.

That's nice.

Right! Now for water!

Isn't that enough?

What? After all this work, you don't want to see it become a swamp?

It's like instant noodles without hot water!

Is it?

Yes, it is.

So, where do we get water?

How should I know?

- Mineral water? - That'll take forever!

Ah! I know!

What?

Remember what that jerk Light Bulb said?

Not again.

Open up the faucet full blast.

Yes, yes, yes!

Huh?

Oops.

Hey! Couldn't you hold it down?

Do I have to?

Instead of spacing out.

You do it.

Now what?

Hey, cut that out!

Stay alert.

Boomdiada, boomdiada. Boomdiada, boomdiada.

- What're you singing? - Mountain song.

Boomdiada, boomdiada. Boomdiada, boom....

Stop that.

Why?

It's depressing.

I said, knock it off!

Yes, sir...

Trade places?

No, I'm fine!

Good.

Gas! The swamp's done!

What?

Oh...

Instant swamp, huh?

What do you think?

Looks good.

It's swampier than I expected.

You see? It's a pretty good looking swamp.

Yeah.

Not that it means anything.

Yeah, I second that.

What next?

Clean it up, I guess.

Leave it. It'll dry on its own.

True.

What's up?

I don't know. I just thought it would be kind of special, but...

it's no big deal.

The fact that you made it, I guess, is pretty special.

That's pretty cool.

Shall I turn off the water?

No, that's okay. I'll go myself.

Thanks for everything.

Don't sweat it.

Sorry I dragged you into this.

That's okay. Besides it had its fun moments.

Really? It was fun?

Yeah, it was.

- Say, Gas? - Yeah?

I... I mean, you...

Huh?

- Hmm? - Eh!?

What the...?

Ow ow ow! It's real! It's real.

Wait!

Hang on!

Ti-hya-mo-chai.

What was that?

The swamp king?

It looked like...

a dragon?

Not a dragon.

But you saw it, right?

Yeah, I did.

Well, I saw it, too. A dragon.

Hey!? I saw a dragon! For the very first time!

Me, too!

Yes!!

What's this?

Oh crap!

Ah!

Oh my...!

Argh!!

Enough!

Ah, I've had it!

Oh!?

Hey! Get out here.

What are you hollering about?

Dragon! A flying dragon!

Don't be silly.

No, it's true. A dragon!

Stop daydreaming, and earn us some money.

But it's a dragon!

We can't eat a dragon!

That would be taboo!

You tick me off.

Anger makes me hungry. You charlatan!

Oh!

Rope 'em in!

Rope 'em in! Rope 'em in!

Morning.

- About time you got up. - Lassoes in front of Gotanda station!!

You were the one in a coma all this time.

Ah, nasty tongue.

A lot happened while you were asleep.

- Like what? - I'm not telling.

Why not?

Anyways, just don't do anything stupid again.

Stupid?

Why'd you go water sprite fishing?

'Cause you didn't believe me.

Know how much trouble that caused?

Sometimes you've got to find out something, whatever the cost.

I'd like to sink you in a swamp myself.

But you were saved. All's well that ends well.

You betcha.

Listen, I know you'll have trouble believing this but...

I was saved by a dragon.

- What? - I was sinking into a dark hole...

when a large dragon flew overhead and grabbed me with his big paw.

And I suddenly awoke...

inside a large plastic tent. Am I a melon? I thought.

So that dragon was real, after all.

Huh? What did you say?

What?

- You believe? - Why?

Since when did you start to believe?

Who cares when?

Huh? What's in the box?

A water sprite.

I caught it this morning to show you.

Come on.

Hey, is this Gonzaburo?

A man from the rabbit farm delivered it.

How did he know?

"The clue was on the bottom of his feet."

"Let's take a souvenir picture of today!!"

No wonder.

Now that's the impossible.

Gonzaburo.

Gonzaburo!

Right?

- Sorry. - You're late.

Ah, thanks.

Until I could get my antique store up and running again...

I decided to help Gas with his work.

"Gasu Electric Works Co." - Excuse me.

Okay.

Careful of the high voltage wires.

Roger! Gotcha!

I still don't know what emerged from that swamp.

But I think it was a dragon, after all.

No, I'm sure it was a dragon.

It's Amaya-kun!

- How about raw oysters? - Raw oysters?

But I've got food poisoning in the past from eating them.

How about lobsters, then?

Lobsters?

- Oh, a water sprite. - Look! What a cute house!

Come on.

- I'd love to live in a house like that. - Really?

Yeah.

Let's get started.

Yeah, let's.

It is a dragon.

Gas, do you know what we saw?

No, I don't.

Listen!

Most things in the world are insignificant.

Most people laugh way more than they cry.

And see unbelievable things.

But by the next morning, they've forgotten.

To them I say,

"Open up the faucet on the crusty lies and stubbornness hardening your lives..."

"and wash it all away!"

Kumiko Aso

Morio Kazama

Ryo Kase

Keiko Matsuzaka

Translated by Anthony Kim

Subtitle timing, editing and additions for this version by chochoc, famitsu1

Additional translation assistance from quaisnord, shinjuku

Special thanks to cologne69

Executive Producers Takeshi Kato, Fumio Samesima

Hirofumi Ogoshi, Akira Ishii

Presented by "Instant Numa" Film Partners

Unplugged Film Kadokawa Pictures

Pony Canyon Cinema Investment

Written and Directed by Satoshi Miki

The end.

2009 "Instant Swamp" Film Partners