Original subtitles

- It is my high honor

and distinct privilege

to introduce to you

the President-Elect of the United States

of America, Donald Trump.

[cheers and applause]

crowd chanting: USA! USA! USA!

- I pledge to every citizen of our land

that I will be president for all Americans.

And this is so important to me.

- Middle America hates Mexis. Who knew?

[laughs] Oh, that's right. I did.

So bow, motherfuckers! [giggling]

- I'm reaching out to you

for your guidance and your help...

- [sighs]

- So that we can work together

and unify our great country.

[cheers and applause]

- RIP, nation of immigrants.

[laughing]

It sucks to be right.

Hey, don't hate the player. Hate the game pool.

All I do is win, win, win.

Win. [laughing]

- Psst.

- ...tremendous potential.

I've gotten to know our country so well.

Tremendous potential.

It's gonna be a beautiful thing.

- What's up? - How's everyone feeling?

- Like an orange antichrist

murdered their immigrant dreams.

- [scoffs]

- [laughs] Don't worry.

I'll crack the whip and make sure

they pull it together for the 11:00.

- Okay, but focus on local elections.

And let the network do the heavy lifting.

I will tell you how wonderful you are.

- Wonderful enough to be promoted to executive producer?

[mumbling]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, caballeros!

What? Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Pay up.

- Here you go. There's your money.

- Give it to me. - Nope.

- Give it to me! - Que no te daré, chica.

- How did you know, puta?

- Because I'm jaded as hell. - Psh, yeah you are.

- Okay. Let's get this thing rolling, guys.

[dramatic synth music]

♪ ♪

- Bienvenidos a Noticiero Unimundo 45.

A las 11:00.

[crowd chanting angrily]

- Down with Trump!

all: Down with Trump!

Down with Trump! Down with Trump!

- [humming]

- Let's go to Maria Alejandra, please.

- Nos acompaña el vocero de latinos por Trump

del Sur de California.

Ahora que ganó Trump. ¿Cuál será el próximo paso?

- Bueno, la seguridad nacional

es un asunto muy importante

para nuestro nuevo presidente.

O sea, que necesitamos deportar

a los mojados inmediatamente.

- Deport wetbacks immediately? What the fuck?

Maria Alejandra, wrap it up now.

- Los ilegales

son una vergüenza para nuestra comunidad.

crowd: Not my president!

- Menos para mi abuelita,

que vino sin papeles, porque no le quedó otra.

- Cut to the reel. - It's not ready yet.

- Lo escuchó aquí primero.

Las deportaciones masivas son inminentes.

- She's repeating that nonsense?

Maria Alejandra, uh, repeat what I say.

Acaba de escuchar

información no verified.

- Your Spanish is so bad,

you sound like a Mexican Yoda.

- Cállate, Darth Hater.

- She took off her earpiece, remember?

- Reportando en vivo desde el condado Orange,

María Alejandra de la Torre Guadalupe Venegas Villaflor,

Noticias Unimundo 45.

- Do you think our viewers will actually believe this shit?

- No sé.

No sé.

[phone chimes]

- [sighs softly]

[upbeat music]

- I know. You've warned us.

- Si ese idiota gana, me voy a la chingada.

- Bueno, como dijo Zapata:

"Mejor morir de pie que vivir de rodillas". ¿Que no?

- But you're not fighting. You're running away.

- Ah, pues tienes un buen punto.

She's smart. [chuckles]

- We go bye-bye, hm?

Adiós, USA.

- [sighs] Mamá, por favor, listen to me.

Um...

Me van a dar una...

Promotion?

- ¿Te van a ascender?

- Yes. Ah, uh...

Y con dinero, yo...

Yo, um, hire...

an immigration lawyer

and get you green cards.

- Mi'ja, tal vez deberías contratar

una maestra en español también, ¿verdad?

- I don't need a Spanish teacher, papá.

Mi español is very bueno.

- I no need no lawyer.

They don't like me? I go. Hm?

- So instead of dealing with an immigration lawyer,

you'd rather go back to narcolandia?

- Por lo menos, los narcos de Sinaloa...

...speak the Spanish.

- Oh, okay.

Uh, so then the drug dealers

can speak Spanish to you as they shoot you.

[laughing] Okay, great.

- No te rías.

María Alejandra de la Torre Venegas Guadalupe Villaflor

dijo...

- María Alejandra is clueless. [sighs]

Ella no saber nada.

You should be listening to me.

- ¿De veras?

Ay, pues mira, si tú sabes tanto,

¿por qué no dices tú las noticias, mm?

- And then she said, if I knew more than Ms. Mexico,

then why wasn't I on TV?

As if those light-skinned egomaniacs

could tell their asses from their mics

if it weren't for the likes of people like me.

- Oh. Oh, dang, that's-- that's messed up.

- That's all you have to say?

- Oh, I'm just getting ready for work, you know.

- [laughing] Okay.

I know you. You're holding back.

- What do you want me to say?

That I'm surprised that your parents are leaving?

'Cause I'm--I'm kinda not.

- Oh? - Yeah.

- [sighs] Mexican people don't know how to fight.

There. Happy?

Is that what you were looking for?

Is that what you wanted? - Oh, I'm sorry.

My people aren't as woke as your people?

- Why are you saying that like

you aren't a part of the problem?

- Wait, me? - Yes, you.

Did you forget our plan?

Infiltrate-- both: To renovate.

- We're a local station.

And Dante hates those kinds of stories.

- See, you always do what he says.

I swear, you're like one promotion away

from being a full-fledged sell-out.

- Fuck you.

- [scoffs] Fuck me? Fuck Unamundo.

You been there, what, like, six years

and they still got you behind the scenes?

- That's where I want to be. - Oh, yeah, sure.

- And Spanish TV isn't like mainstream TV.

The men can look like trolls, but the mujeres?

They've got to look like Malibu Barbie.

Not like extras from "Apocalypto."

- Well, most of your audience looks like extras

from "Apocalypto," so it kinda works.

- [sighs heavily]

So what you're saying is that

if my parents leave, it's on me,

because I haven't done enough?

- What I'm saying is,

empower Latinos and fight the power, boo.

[mumbling] Not like that, okay.

Not that, don't do that.

[claps hands]

- I have a journalism degree,

but my parents would rather listen

to some right-wing beauty queen than me.

- It's not the end of the mundo, mami.

- All these years I've been climbing the fucking ladder

to make my parents proud.

Now? [chuckles]

- My mother's in Puerto Rico, and I'm okay.

The only person that loves me is 3,345 miles away.

But I'm okay.

The people on camera,

they have the power, but us, we have no power.

Nada.

Luna, don't do it! [gasps]

- How could say there would be mass deportations?

- Why don't you learn how to speak English already

and go work at Fox News?

- ¿Cómo? They hire?

La gente necesita estar preparada para lo peor.

¿Sí entiendes eso, mamasita?

- Prepared for the worst?

You don't even know what's going to happen,

but what we do know is that because of you,

some of our viewers are self-deporting.

- Bueno, me imagino que será mejor irse voluntariamente

de este país a que te echen a patadas como perro, ¿no?

- You know,

the only reason you're on air

is because you speak like a Mexican

and you look like a German.

- [scoffs]

- La única razón por la cual tú nunca en tu vida

vas a salir al aire,

aparte de tu pésimo español, por supuesto,

es que al igual que nuestros televidentes,

tú tienes un enorme complejo de inferioridad.

[chuckles]

Arréglate, mi amor.

- One of my stories died.

I'd like to use the extra time

to do a public service announcement.

- What's our competition at 11:00?

- Um, sleep.

- A PSA that late is like Ambien.

- This one will keep them tuned in. Trust me.

- Fine. But keep it under 30.

And Luna, put it on after the weather.

- Um, sure.

- Mantente seco este fin de semana.

O sea, no lloverá.

Solo estarás mojado por el sudor.

[giggles]

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Luna, ¿estás lista?

Porque ya, en tres, dos, uno.

- Um... [sighs]

Soy Luna grande

productora de noticias, Unimundo 45.

Estoy aquí para adiós decir

a mis padres

que se van, ah, porque, um...

They're self-deporting.

Mis padres van porque...

they listen to everything

that María Alejandra de la Torre

Venegas...

Jesus, how many names does she have?

Unfounded, uh, reportaje

mass deportation-- deportaciones.

Maybe you should be ashamed because

we aren't rich enough to get visas or because we don't--

- Paulo, cut it off immediately.

- You want me to get Luna off the air?

I thought she had your permission.

- Immediately.

- ...or our faces are too fat for us

to belong in this country or for me to belong on camera.

- Dante says cut to commercial.

- So I know how you feel.

- That might take me a minute.

Or 12.

I mean, olvida, right?

That we've probably been in this country

way longer than la primera dama

uh, Melania, or, um,

americanos importantes, uh,

like Charlie Chaplin or...

el, uh, gobernador Schwarzenegger.

They were undocumented too.

Eran indocumentados.

Ah, and forget that we,

uh, like, raised their...

uh, escuincles

and make their avocado toast.

Y pagamos taxes.

Fuck that.

This country is better because we're in it.

El país es mejor con nosotros.

I mean, we've been on this land

long before those gabachos took it from our ancestors.

California era de México, señores.

So don't give up.

No se rinde.

Sangre Maya tener.

You are Aztec warriors.

Stay and fight!

Pelea por tus civil rights!

¡Y viva la Raza, cabrones!

¡Viva la Raza, cabrones!

♪ ♪

[calm music]

- [singing indistinctly]

- ♪ You can't break me ♪

♪ Only raise me ♪

♪ I'm not alone, I've got all my friends ♪

♪ They inspire me ♪

♪ To be young and free ♪

♪ Now I'm strong, there's no stopping me ♪

♪ Follow me, follow me ♪

♪ F-f-follow me ♪

♪ I'll take you to a place ♪

♪ That you would rather be ♪

♪ Follow me, follow me ♪

♪ You would rather be ♪

♪ Follow me, follow me ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ You only live once ♪

♪ Baby that's tonight, that's tonight ♪

[bright tone]