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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,033 --> 00:00:15,603 >> TOSH.O FEATURES VIDEOS FROM 2 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,400 THE INTERNET AND IS INTENDED FOR 3 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,770 A MATURE AUDIENCE. 4 00:00:21,767 --> 00:00:29,627 ENJOY. 5 00:00:29,633 --> 00:00:35,073 [LAUGHING] 6 00:00:35,067 --> 00:00:36,527 >> OH! 7 00:00:36,533 --> 00:00:39,703 ! 8 00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:48,000 >> OH! 9 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:57,570 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 10 00:00:57,567 --> 00:00:58,197 >> OH. 11 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,470 YOU THINK THAT'S GROSS CASEY AN 12 00:01:00,467 --> 00:01:02,827 THENY KILLED HER BABY. 13 00:01:02,833 --> 00:01:05,733 WELCOME TO TOSH.O COMING TO YOU 14 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:06,633 FROM THE CLOUD. 15 00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:08,103 TONIGHT ON THE SHOW WE HAVE A 16 00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:09,070 TITLE FIGHT. 17 00:01:09,067 --> 00:01:11,167 MY PERSONAL TRAINER YELLS AT ME 18 00:01:11,167 --> 00:01:13,597 AND I SHOW YOU THE MOST 19 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,700 UNFORTUNATE DOMAIN NAMES OF THE 20 00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:17,070 WEEK. 21 00:01:17,067 --> 00:01:18,927 LET'S SEE WHY THEY WON'T USE THE 22 00:01:18,933 --> 00:01:19,503 TUB AGAIN. 23 00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:21,530 I DON'T SEE WHAT IS SO HARD 24 00:01:21,533 --> 00:01:23,073 ABOUT CHILD BIRTH. 25 00:01:23,067 --> 00:01:24,727 IT LOOKS SUPER RELAXING. 26 00:01:24,733 --> 00:01:26,673 HONEY, THE GAME IS ALMOST OVER 27 00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:29,067 IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL. 28 00:01:29,067 --> 00:01:31,827 DO HIGHLIGHTS WORK ON PLACENTA 29 00:01:31,833 --> 00:01:32,273 STAINS? 30 00:01:32,267 --> 00:01:33,727 THAT VAGINA SHOULD BE GOOD AS 31 00:01:33,733 --> 00:01:34,633 GOOD AS TOMORROW. 32 00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:36,933 THE MIRACLE OF LIFE WILL REALLY 33 00:01:36,933 --> 00:01:38,373 CLOG THE DRAIN. 34 00:01:38,367 --> 00:01:41,567 THAT TUB NODES A GARBAGE 35 00:01:41,567 --> 00:01:41,927 DISPOSAL. 36 00:01:41,933 --> 00:01:43,833 I RECENTLY WELCOMED A NEW MEMBER 37 00:01:43,833 --> 00:01:53,303 TO MY FAMILY. 38 00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:54,900 >> OH, NO. 39 00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:56,070 IT'S BROWN. 40 00:01:56,067 --> 00:02:00,067 MY DAD IS GOING TO KILL ME. 41 00:02:02,967 --> 00:02:05,627 >> THAT'S MY NEWEST PUPPY. 42 00:02:05,633 --> 00:02:08,303 SHE'S ONLY NINE WEEKS OLD AND 43 00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:10,170 ALREADY HAS HER SAG CARD. 44 00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:13,397 HOW DOES THAT FEEL, STARVING 45 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:13,730 ACTORS? 46 00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:16,903 >> WHAT DOES A SOLDIER GET WHEN 47 00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:17,970 HIS FEELINGS ARE HURT? 48 00:02:17,967 --> 00:02:19,427 >> A PURPLE HEART. 49 00:02:19,433 --> 00:02:24,803 >> [BEEP] YOU. 50 00:02:29,467 --> 00:02:34,397 [BEEP] 51 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:35,930 >> HEY, GUYS. 52 00:02:35,933 --> 00:02:40,203 ONE AT A TIME, PLEASE. 53 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,500 [BEEP] 54 00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:44,500 (YELLING ) 55 00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,100 >> THAT'S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE 56 00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:49,170 WHEN I WATCH "THE VIEW." 57 00:02:49,167 --> 00:02:51,127 APPARENTLY THE ARMY DOESN'T 58 00:02:51,133 --> 00:02:53,373 ISSUE CHILL PILLS. 59 00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:55,067 >> THIS IS WHY THEY MAKE YOU 60 00:02:55,067 --> 00:02:56,867 TURN OFF YOUR ELECTRONICS DURING 61 00:02:56,867 --> 00:03:01,967 A FLIGHT. 62 00:03:04,433 --> 00:03:07,503 >> OH! 63 00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,570 >> THAT CAN HAPPEN WHEN YOU FLY 64 00:03:09,567 --> 00:03:11,967 A LAWN CHAIR GLUE TODAY FAN. 65 00:03:11,967 --> 00:03:14,267 I THINK JOHN BENJAMIN'S VAN JUST 66 00:03:14,267 --> 00:03:15,867 KILLED THAT GUY. 67 00:03:15,867 --> 00:03:19,067 OH, FOLKS WE HAVE REACHED OUR 68 00:03:19,067 --> 00:03:19,897 CRUISING ALTITUDE. 69 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,570 I'M GOING TO TURN OFF THIS 70 00:03:22,567 --> 00:03:23,767 FASTEN SEATBELT SIGN. 71 00:03:23,767 --> 00:03:27,497 I BET YOU THINK I WILL MAKE 72 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:33,400 ACIST JOKES ABOUT THE NEXTR 73 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:33,700 VIDEO. 74 00:03:33,700 --> 00:03:35,630 >> ONE, TWO, THREE! 75 00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:39,073 >> THAT WILL BE AN INTENSE FRUIT 76 00:03:39,067 --> 00:03:39,367 SALAD. 77 00:03:39,367 --> 00:03:40,727 NOTHING SMART EVER HAPPENS ON A 78 00:03:40,733 --> 00:03:44,503 DIRT ROAD. 79 00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:47,130 >> THAT MIGHT BE THE UGLIEST 80 00:03:47,133 --> 00:03:48,703 GROUP OF PEOPLE I HAVE EVER 81 00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:50,070 SEEN. 82 00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:52,167 I'M PRETTY CONFIDENT HIS 83 00:03:52,167 --> 00:03:54,427 CONCUSSION WILL GO UNDIAGNOSED. 84 00:03:54,433 --> 00:03:56,533 THE POWER OF CHRIST CELLS YOU TO 85 00:03:56,533 --> 00:04:02,733 WATCH THIS NEXT VIDEO. 86 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,230 (YELLING ) 87 00:04:13,233 --> 00:04:16,773 >> I BET SLEAZE ALSO A DEMON IN 88 00:04:16,767 --> 00:04:18,327 THE SACK. 89 00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:20,603 SOMEONE SHOULD TELL THE PREACHER 90 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,900 SHE MIGHT BE JUST ON HER PERIOD. 91 00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:25,270 I HEAR WHEN SHE'S NOT POSSESSED 92 00:04:25,267 --> 00:04:27,427 BY THE DEVIL SHE'S A BITCH. 93 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:30,373 WHAT'S NEXT? 94 00:04:30,367 --> 00:04:37,497 (YELLING ) 95 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:42,430 >> WHAT THE HELL-O KITTY. 96 00:04:42,433 --> 00:04:43,903 LET'S DO WHAT WE DO BEST AND 97 00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:46,700 MAKE FUN OF ASIANS IN THIS 98 00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,270 WEEK'S BREAKDOWN. 99 00:04:48,267 --> 00:04:48,697 [ APPLAUSE ] 100 00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:53,170 >> THIS GAME IS CALLED 101 00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:53,597 BO-TAY-YOSHI. 102 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,700 IT'S THE ONLY WATCHABLE SPORT 103 00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:57,070 LEFT. 104 00:04:57,067 --> 00:04:58,497 NOT SURE OF THE RULES BUT I 105 00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:00,600 ENJOY ANYTHING WITH A JAPANESE 106 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,070 BOY ON A HUGE CHOPSTICK. 107 00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:05,497 IT'S ON LIKE HONG KONG. 108 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:10,770 THE BLUE TEAM RUSHES IN LIKE A 109 00:05:10,767 --> 00:05:11,867 TSUNAMI. 110 00:05:11,867 --> 00:05:15,597 A 4.5-FOOT HIGH TSUNAMI. 111 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,730 THIS IS THE BUKAKKE OF SPORTS. 112 00:05:18,733 --> 00:05:20,903 THOSE DUDES KEEP COMING AND 113 00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:21,230 COMING. 114 00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:23,773 SURE IS HARD TO KEEP AN EYE ON 115 00:05:23,767 --> 00:05:24,967 YOUR FAVORITE PLAYER IF YOU KNOW 116 00:05:24,967 --> 00:05:26,967 WHAT I MEAN. 117 00:05:26,967 --> 00:05:29,467 GOOD THING THEY PUT JOCK STRAPS 118 00:05:29,467 --> 00:05:32,767 ON THEIR HEADS WHEN THEY WENT 119 00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:33,127 KAMIKAZE. 120 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,073 THE MOST DANGEROUS PART IS TO 121 00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:38,627 COME, WHEN EVERYONE DRIVES HOME. 122 00:05:38,633 --> 00:05:41,173 WE'RE WITNESSING THE MIRACLE ON 123 00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:41,467 RICE. 124 00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:46,427 TIME TO DOUSE THE COACH WITH 125 00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:46,733 SAKI. 126 00:05:46,733 --> 00:05:51,073 REMEMBER AT THE END OF THE DAY 127 00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:53,127 THEY'RE ALL ON THE YELLOW AND 128 00:05:53,133 --> 00:05:53,773 WHITE TEAM. 129 00:05:53,767 --> 00:05:56,267 THAT'S HOW YOU PLAY PEARL 130 00:05:56,267 --> 00:05:56,697 HARBOR. 131 00:05:56,700 --> 00:06:00,570 I'M GLAD AFLAC DIDN'T FIRE ME 132 00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:03,897 FOR MAKING TOO MANY JAPANESE 133 00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:04,200 JOKES. 134 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:08,670 FOR THAT WE SAY ... 135 00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:09,767 (SPEAKING JAPANESE ." 136 00:06:09,767 --> 00:06:11,597 >> WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK BUT 137 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,970 FIRST ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT, 138 00:06:13,967 --> 00:06:15,267 BITCH. 139 00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:26,397 >> THEY'RE BOTH STKRUFRPBG AS 140 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,400 [BEEP]. 141 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,070 DRUNK AS [BEEP] 142 00:06:31,067 --> 00:06:32,697 >> HERE IT GOES. 143 00:06:32,700 --> 00:06:34,170 >> KNOCKED HIM OUT COLD. 144 00:06:34,167 --> 00:06:36,597 >> WHAT THE [BEEP] IS THAT. 145 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,630 JR, JR. 146 00:06:38,633 --> 00:06:40,633 >> HE'S FINE, HE'S A SLEEP. 147 00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:41,673 HE'S WASTED. 148 00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:45,567 I DIDN'T WANT TO BOX MAN. 149 00:06:45,567 --> 00:06:47,467 LET GO! 150 00:06:47,467 --> 00:06:49,267 LET GO! 151 00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:50,597 LET GO! 152 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,370 >> HE'S DOWN, FINE, FINE. 153 00:06:53,367 --> 00:06:56,167 HE'S COMING TOO. 154 00:06:56,167 --> 00:06:57,427 JR ... 155 00:06:57,433 --> 00:06:58,133 JR! 156 00:06:58,133 --> 00:06:59,373 >> HE'S FINE. 157 00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:03,327 >> GET THE [BEEP] UP. 158 00:07:03,333 --> 00:07:05,403 >> THE FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB, 159 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,470 PLEASE DON'T DIE IN MY MOM'S 160 00:07:07,467 --> 00:07:07,827 BASEMENT. 161 00:07:07,833 --> 00:07:09,873 THAT KNOCKOUT WAS BETTER THAN 162 00:07:09,867 --> 00:07:11,327 ANY PROFESSIONAL BOXING I HAVE 163 00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:12,703 SEEN IN TEN YEARS. 164 00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:15,070 BOXING IS THE MOST MANLIEST 165 00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:17,527 THING THAT REQUIRES A MAN TO BE 166 00:07:17,533 --> 00:07:19,573 GOOD AS JUMP ROPE. 167 00:07:19,567 --> 00:07:21,297 THE SWEET SCIENCE ISN'T AS GOOD 168 00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:23,730 AS IT USE TO BE, PROBABLY CAUSE 169 00:07:23,733 --> 00:07:26,473 I DON'T WANT TO SHELL OUT $60 TO 170 00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:28,167 WATCH TWO MEXICANS FIGHT WHEN I 171 00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:31,297 CAN DO THAT FOR FREE ANYWHERE IN 172 00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:31,570 LA. 173 00:07:31,567 --> 00:07:33,427 SORRY I'M NOT EXCITED ABOUT A 174 00:07:33,433 --> 00:07:36,403 SPORT WITH 90 GUYS AS CHAMPIONS. 175 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,100 NOTHING CAN BE BETTER THAN 176 00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:40,070 FORMER GREATS. 177 00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:42,467 TYSON IS BUSY PLAYING WITH 178 00:07:42,467 --> 00:07:45,227 PIGEONS AND TATTOOING HIS FACE. 179 00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:47,803 GEORGE FOREMAN IS SCREWING TWO 180 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,200 IRONS TOGETHER TO COOK HIS 181 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,570 CHICKEN. 182 00:07:51,567 --> 00:07:53,127 AND MOHAMMAD ALI I BLAME YOU FOR 183 00:07:53,133 --> 00:07:54,633 WILL SMITH'S CAREER. 184 00:07:54,633 --> 00:08:08,073 NOW WE'RE STUCK WITH THE 185 00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:10,067 KLITSCHKO BOTHERS. 186 00:08:10,067 --> 00:08:13,797 YOU CAN'T TAKE WHITE FIGHTERS 187 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:14,270 SERIOUSIOUSLY. 188 00:08:14,267 --> 00:08:16,067 NOW TRUE FIGHT FANS WANT TO 189 00:08:16,067 --> 00:08:17,497 WATCH SOMETHING JUST SHORT OF 190 00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:18,800 GAY SEX. 191 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,600 THE RING GIRLS DISGUST ME. 192 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,500 PUT CLOTHES ON AND HAVE RESPECT 193 00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:25,830 FOR YOURSELVES LADIES. 194 00:08:25,833 --> 00:08:30,173 JR GOT KNOCKED OUT BY A LUCKY 195 00:08:30,167 --> 00:08:30,697 PUNCH. 196 00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:32,600 BUT WE'RE GIVING HIM ANOTHER 197 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,570 MATCH AT A TIGHT UNTIL THIS 198 00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:39,427 WEEK'S WEBBBBBB REMATCH. 199 00:08:39,433 --> 00:08:39,833 [ APPLAUSE ] 200 00:08:39,833 --> 00:08:42,203 >> YOU'RE ALL SET, JR. 201 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,170 WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? 202 00:08:44,167 --> 00:08:45,727 >> WORK IN THE COAL MINES. 203 00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:47,203 >> THE COAL MINES. 204 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:47,730 >> YES. 205 00:08:47,733 --> 00:08:49,203 >> WHY DID YOU FLIGHT 206 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:50,530 STPHUFRPBLGTS DON'T REMEMBER TOO 207 00:08:50,533 --> 00:08:51,373 MUCH OF THE FIGHT. 208 00:08:51,367 --> 00:08:53,827 >> IS THIS A REGULAR THING DO 209 00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:55,633 YOU HAVE BOXING MATCHES OFTEN? 210 00:08:55,633 --> 00:08:56,173 >> NO. 211 00:08:56,167 --> 00:08:58,697 >> DID HE GET A LUCKY PUNCH IN. 212 00:08:58,700 --> 00:08:59,430 >> YES. 213 00:08:59,433 --> 00:09:00,933 >> WHAT HAPPENED IN YOUR WORDS. 214 00:09:00,933 --> 00:09:03,633 >> A COUPLE OF GUYS CAME OVER, 215 00:09:03,633 --> 00:09:04,933 PLAYING BEER PONG. 216 00:09:04,933 --> 00:09:06,803 ONE THING LEAD TO ANOTHER. 217 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:07,770 SOMEBODY WANTED TO BOX. 218 00:09:07,767 --> 00:09:10,567 WE PUT ON THE GLOVES AND I WAS 219 00:09:10,567 --> 00:09:12,827 ON THE GROUND. 220 00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:14,833 >> PAVEMENT OR CARPET? 221 00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:15,973 >> CONCRETE FLOOR. 222 00:09:15,967 --> 00:09:16,967 >> CONCRETE FLOOR. 223 00:09:16,967 --> 00:09:18,567 I'M HERE WITH BOSTON, THE 224 00:09:18,567 --> 00:09:19,627 CURRENT CHAMPION. 225 00:09:19,633 --> 00:09:22,173 WHAT DOES VICTORY TASTE LIKE. 226 00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:24,627 >> SWEET, A SWEET TASTE. 227 00:09:24,633 --> 00:09:25,903 >> WHO WANTED TO FIGHT. 228 00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:28,070 >> I DIDN'T BRING OUT THE GLOVES 229 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,727 BUT JR AND I DECIDED TO SQUARE 230 00:09:30,733 --> 00:09:31,133 OFF. 231 00:09:31,133 --> 00:09:32,173 LAID DOWN THE GROUND RULES. 232 00:09:32,167 --> 00:09:33,697 YOU HAVE TO HAVE GROUND RULES. 233 00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:34,700 >> WHAT ARE THOSE? 234 00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:36,470 >> IF SOMEONE PUTS THEIR HANDS 235 00:09:36,467 --> 00:09:38,467 IN THE RULE THE FIGHT IS OVER. 236 00:09:38,467 --> 00:09:40,797 >> SOUNDS LIKE THE WORST 237 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:41,430 SURRENDERING MOVE. 238 00:09:41,433 --> 00:09:42,173 >> YES. 239 00:09:42,167 --> 00:09:43,527 >> THAT'S A FREE SHOT TO THE 240 00:09:43,533 --> 00:09:43,833 HEAD. 241 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,373 >> THAT WAS PROBABLY THE FIRST 242 00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:45,697 MISTAKE. 243 00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:47,730 THAT WAS THE ONLY GROUND RULE. 244 00:09:47,733 --> 00:09:50,173 I OPENED UP WITH AN INITIAL LEFT 245 00:09:50,167 --> 00:09:52,227 THAT TOOK OFF THE HEAD GIRL. 246 00:09:52,233 --> 00:09:53,833 I HAD THE RIGHT COCKED. 247 00:09:53,833 --> 00:09:55,273 >> COULDN'T UNCOCK IT. 248 00:09:55,267 --> 00:09:56,197 >> NO. 249 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,400 I UNLOAD IT DID AND THAT WAS 250 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:57,700 THAT. 251 00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:00,570 >> HOW LONG WERE YOU UNCONSCIOUS 252 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:00,827 FOR? 253 00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:01,833 >> ABOUT THREE MINUTES. 254 00:10:01,833 --> 00:10:03,973 >> WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN YOU 255 00:10:03,967 --> 00:10:05,667 GAINED CONSCIOUSNESS THE VIDEO 256 00:10:05,667 --> 00:10:06,127 TURNED OFF. 257 00:10:06,133 --> 00:10:08,103 >> I WENT TO BED. 258 00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:10,100 >> THEY SAY THE BEST THING AFTER 259 00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:11,900 A CONCUSSION THE BEST THING TO 260 00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:12,670 DO IS SLEEP SOMEWHERE. 261 00:10:12,667 --> 00:10:14,497 >> HE DIDN'T WAKE UP. 262 00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:16,400 THAT GOT EVERYONE WORRIED. 263 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,100 SO WE PUT HIM TO BED. 264 00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:20,330 >> ALRIGHT, WE JUST KILLED 265 00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:20,703 SOMEBODY. 266 00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:22,170 >> WHO YELLED THE FRIDAY QUOTE. 267 00:10:22,167 --> 00:10:24,427 >> THAT WAS MY BUDDY, SEAN. 268 00:10:24,433 --> 00:10:28,533 HE WAS STOKED WHEN JR OPENED HIS 269 00:10:28,533 --> 00:10:28,833 EYES. 270 00:10:28,833 --> 00:10:31,833 >> SO HE COULD SCREAM YOU GOT 271 00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:34,273 "KNOCKED THE [BEEP] OUT!" 272 00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,897 >> DID ANY PART OF YOU CREDIT 273 00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:37,670 PEEING ON HIM. 274 00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:38,997 >> I CREDITED IT. 275 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,200 >> THAT WOULD OF BEEN ANOTHER 276 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,430 LEVEL OF A GREAT MOVE. 277 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,073 KNOCK HIM OUT AND PEON HIM. 278 00:10:44,067 --> 00:10:46,297 >> WHO IS FASTER YOU OR AUSTIN. 279 00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:47,130 >> AUSTIN. 280 00:10:47,133 --> 00:10:48,003 >>WHO IS STRONGER. 281 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,730 >> I WOULD GIVE HIM A BETTER RUN 282 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:51,833 FOR HIS MONEY? 283 00:10:51,833 --> 00:10:53,903 >> WHO IS A BETTER LOVER. 284 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:54,670 >> PROBABLY ME MANY. 285 00:10:54,667 --> 00:10:56,197 >> THAT'S GOOD. 286 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,870 PROBABLY NOT WHILE WE FIGHT BUT 287 00:10:57,867 --> 00:11:00,897 IN A WORST CASE SCENARIO YOU 288 00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:02,130 BANG HIS GIRLFRIEND. 289 00:11:02,133 --> 00:11:03,973 WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR THE 290 00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:05,397 REMATCH TRAINING. 291 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,270 >> DRINK BEER, SIT ON THE COUCH 292 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,067 AND WATCH TV. 293 00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:11,667 >> WE WILL WORK ON YOUR CONCEPT, 294 00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:13,297 BOXING, AND THEN CROSS OUR 295 00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:20,470 FINGERS AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. 296 00:11:20,467 --> 00:11:25,567 >> WELL FIGHT CLUB I GO BY DAN 297 00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:25,927 FLAMINCO. 298 00:11:25,933 --> 00:11:27,103 YOU CAN WIN DOWN HERE YOU CAN 299 00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:27,800 WIN ANYWHERE. 300 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:31,530 ALL YOU HAVE TO DO, JR, IS BEAT 301 00:11:31,533 --> 00:11:33,573 OUR CURRENT CHAMP. 302 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:36,767 ALL HAIL KING HIPPO. 303 00:11:36,767 --> 00:11:38,767 >> HE'S ROYALTY. 304 00:11:38,767 --> 00:11:40,897 >> I DON'T THINK HE'S IN MY 305 00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:41,670 WEIGHT CLASS. 306 00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:46,227 >> JUST WORK THE BODY. 307 00:11:48,700 --> 00:12:03,400 (VIDEO GAME NOISES ) 308 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:07,200 (VIDEO GAME NOISES ) 309 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,930 >> FABULOUS WIN, NOW LET'S WORK 310 00:12:10,933 --> 00:12:11,873 ON YOUR CARD YO. 311 00:12:11,867 --> 00:12:14,827 I HEAR THEY WANT TO BUILD A 312 00:12:14,833 --> 00:12:17,803 MOSQUE AT GROUND ZERO. 313 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:18,770 THAT'S HORSE [BEEP]. 314 00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:21,067 USE THAT AS MOTIVATION. 315 00:12:21,067 --> 00:12:22,827 DAN KING HERE PORE THE GREATEST 316 00:12:22,833 --> 00:12:23,673 FIGHT EVER. 317 00:12:23,667 --> 00:12:25,127 WE'RE AT THE WEIGHT IN. 318 00:12:25,133 --> 00:12:27,203 JR COMING IN AT 159. 319 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:30,930 A LEAN MEAN FIGHTING MACHINE. 320 00:12:30,933 --> 00:12:31,703 WHOA! 321 00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:35,070 AND THE CHAMPION AUSTIN. 322 00:12:35,067 --> 00:12:43,727 LOOKS A LITTLE OUT OF SHAPE. 323 00:12:43,733 --> 00:12:45,203 170ISH. 324 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,900 , 107ISH. 325 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:49,430 ONLY IN AMERICA, ONLY IN AMERICA 326 00:12:49,433 --> 00:12:54,203 THE THRILL BETWEEN TWO VAN ILL 327 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:54,930 AS. 328 00:12:54,933 --> 00:12:56,703 MARTIN LUTHER KING TOOK YOU TO 329 00:12:56,700 --> 00:12:57,470 THE MOUNTAIN KING. 330 00:12:57,467 --> 00:13:01,067 I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE BANK. 331 00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:02,227 TWO WHITE DOPES. 332 00:13:02,233 --> 00:13:05,873 >> GOOD EVENING WELCOME TO 333 00:13:05,867 --> 00:13:07,197 TOSH.O FIGHT NIGHT. 334 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,630 FROM THE WEB REMATCH WE HAVE 335 00:13:09,633 --> 00:13:12,203 FROM THE GREAT STATE OF ILLINOIS 336 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,530 THE BLACK LUNG HIMSELF, JR. 337 00:13:14,533 --> 00:13:17,173 WILL HE FIGHT THE CURRENT 338 00:13:17,167 --> 00:13:21,297 APARTMENT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD 339 00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:25,700 AUSTIN THE A INEBRIATED. 340 00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:28,570 TONIGHT YOU'RE SCHEDULED FOR ONE 341 00:13:28,567 --> 00:13:30,297 10-15 MINUTE ROUND. 342 00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:31,070 PACE YOURSELF. 343 00:13:31,067 --> 00:13:34,067 BEFORE WE GET STARTED LET'S 344 00:13:34,067 --> 00:13:35,897 APPRECIATE THE BEAUTY OF 345 00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:40,830 TONIGHT'S BARELY LEGAL RING BOY. 346 00:13:40,833 --> 00:13:44,333 >> IT'S GOING TO BE HARD TO 347 00:13:44,333 --> 00:13:46,373 FIGHT WITH A BONER. 348 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:47,397 AM I RIGHT. 349 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:48,770 LET'S GET THINGS STARTED. 350 00:13:48,767 --> 00:13:49,627 >> GOOD LUCK. 351 00:13:49,633 --> 00:13:52,903 >> ALRIGHT, FELLAS. 352 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,630 KEEP IT CLEAN. 353 00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:55,873 TOUCH GLOVES AND WHEN YOU HEAR 354 00:13:55,867 --> 00:13:57,467 THE BELL COME OUT FIGHTING. 355 00:13:57,467 --> 00:14:02,067 >> GOOD LUCK. 356 00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:07,897 >> WIN OR LOSE [BEEP] 357 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:13,227 >> CHAMPION OF THE WORLD. 358 00:14:13,233 --> 00:14:16,933 WHOA! 359 00:14:16,933 --> 00:14:20,173 >> AND THE WINNER IS ... 360 00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:23,167 RING BOY. 361 00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:28,527 >> AH, ONLY IN AMERICA. 362 00:14:28,533 --> 00:14:31,433 [ APPLAUSE ] 363 00:14:31,433 --> 00:14:33,673 >> THAT FIGHT MIGHT OF BEEN 364 00:14:33,667 --> 00:14:34,967 FIXED. 365 00:14:34,967 --> 00:14:38,197 BUT RING BOY SURE ISN'T. 366 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,400 WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK. 367 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,900 FIRST WE'RE PROUD TO ANNOUNCED A 368 00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:45,330 SUCCESSFUL CANNONBALL DOOKIE HAS 369 00:14:45,333 --> 00:14:46,903 BEEN CAPTURED ON FILM. 370 00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:51,330 >> CANNONBALL DOOKIE, TAKE ONE. 371 00:14:51,333 --> 00:14:54,973 GO! 372 00:15:03,233 --> 00:15:06,333 >> AHHH! [BEEP], [BEEP]. 373 00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:09,203 GET THE [BEEP], [BEEP] OFF THE 374 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:09,500 COUCH. 375 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:10,670 GET THE [BEEP]. 376 00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:15,327 LET [BEEP]. 377 00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:17,433 [BEEP], [BEEP] IF I CAN DO IT 378 00:15:17,433 --> 00:15:19,073 ANYONE CAN [BEEP] DO IT. 379 00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:24,297 IT'S TIME [BEEP]. 380 00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:25,370 I! 381 00:15:25,367 --> 00:15:26,867 [LAUGHING] 382 00:15:26,867 --> 00:15:29,527 >> THAT'S SOFT SPOKEN FELLA 383 00:15:29,533 --> 00:15:30,773 MAKES A GOOD POINT. 384 00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:33,067 IT'S NOT COOL TO BE FAT DURING 385 00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:33,627 THE SUMMER. 386 00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:36,203 I THOUGHT THIS PERFECT ASSESS 387 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:44,070 WOULD HELP YOU GET IN SHAPE.ECT SPECIMEN 388 00:15:44,067 --> 00:15:46,267 BY SKYPE WE HAVE MIKE. 389 00:15:46,267 --> 00:15:50,067 THANKS FOR JOINING US MIKE. 390 00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:51,527 >> (YELLING). 391 00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,633 >> LET'S BOTTLE THAT ENERGY. 392 00:15:53,633 --> 00:15:56,633 WHAT GOES INTO A WELL ROUNDED 393 00:15:56,633 --> 00:15:56,973 WORKOUT. 394 00:15:56,967 --> 00:16:00,197 >> YOU COULD START BY SHUTTING 395 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,570 YOUR MOUTH [BEEP]. 396 00:16:01,567 --> 00:16:03,227 GOING TO THE GYM AND THEN 397 00:16:03,233 --> 00:16:03,573 [BEEP]. 398 00:16:03,567 --> 00:16:06,867 SQUAT AND DEAD WEIGHT. 399 00:16:06,867 --> 00:16:08,127 SQUAT AND DEAD WEIGHT. 400 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:13,073 YOU GOT TO GET -- (YELLING ). 401 00:16:13,067 --> 00:16:16,067 >> YOU'RE COME AGO CROSS 402 00:16:16,067 --> 00:16:17,627 SLIGHTLY HOMOPHOBIC AND I DON'T 403 00:16:17,633 --> 00:16:18,873 DO DAIRY. 404 00:16:18,867 --> 00:16:20,827 HEY, WHAT ARE THOSE BODIES 405 00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:22,833 BEHIND YOU? 406 00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:33,333 >> MY SUPPLEMENTS. 407 00:16:33,333 --> 00:16:35,233 >> WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THE HATERS 408 00:16:35,233 --> 00:16:36,933 WHO SAY YOU'RE ON STEROIDS. 409 00:16:36,933 --> 00:16:39,133 >> I'M ON THREE STEROIDS THERE. 410 00:16:39,133 --> 00:16:40,373 I DO [BEEP]. 411 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,427 >> YOU HEAR THAT KIDS, RESULTS. 412 00:16:42,433 --> 00:16:44,533 TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU CAN UP 413 00:16:44,533 --> 00:16:45,403 RIGHT ROW. 414 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,830 >> UP RIGHT ROW, WHAT THE [BEEP] 415 00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:49,903 IS UP RIGHT ROW. 416 00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:53,070 IT'S CALLED THE BENT OVER ROW 417 00:16:53,067 --> 00:16:53,367 [BEEP]. 418 00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:57,397 BY THE WAY I CAN BENT OVER ROW 419 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,330 ABOUT 315, 5 TIMES. 420 00:16:59,333 --> 00:16:59,603 BRO. 421 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:00,470 >> FIVE TIMES. 422 00:17:00,467 --> 00:17:02,297 I HATE MY SIZE, WOULD YOU 423 00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:03,900 RECOMMEND A BOWFLEX. 424 00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:05,100 >> BOWFLEX. 425 00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:07,570 DO I LOOK LIKE [BEEP] BLACK GUY 426 00:17:07,567 --> 00:17:09,097 ON THE COMMERCIAL. 427 00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:12,800 WHO THE [BEEP] USES A BOWFLEX, 428 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:13,730 TOSH? 429 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,203 >> NOT ME, MIKE. 430 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,070 GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT. 431 00:17:17,067 --> 00:17:18,397 HOW DO I LOOK. 432 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,670 >> YOU'RE [BEEP] SKINNY FAT. 433 00:17:20,667 --> 00:17:24,067 YOU MUST WEIGHT LIKE 90 POUNDS 434 00:17:24,067 --> 00:17:25,127 [BEEP] SOAKING WET. 435 00:17:25,133 --> 00:17:27,073 YOU'RE THE SCRAWNIEST [BEEP] I 436 00:17:27,067 --> 00:17:28,797 SREFR SEEN IN MY LIFE. 437 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,100 YOU HAVE BITCH TITS. 438 00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:33,070 WHAT THE [BEEP] ARE YOU GOING TO 439 00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:33,297 DO? 440 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,170 [LAUGHING] 441 00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:38,897 >> HOPEFULLY I JUST MAIL YOU 442 00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:39,270 LEFTOVERS. 443 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:41,727 WHAT KIND OF GIRLS ARE YOU 444 00:17:41,733 --> 00:17:42,703 ATTRACTED TOO. 445 00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:47,600 >> PERFECT BODY, CURVES, TREES, 446 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,270 BIG APPLE ASS, STICKING MY PENIS 447 00:17:50,267 --> 00:17:51,267 IN THERE [BEEP]. 448 00:17:51,267 --> 00:17:52,267 >> YES, YOU ARE. 449 00:17:52,267 --> 00:17:54,697 SHE SOUNDS BEAUTIFUL. 450 00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:56,870 >> DOES YOUR THROAT EVER GET 451 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:57,167 SORE. 452 00:17:57,167 --> 00:17:59,767 >> YA WHEN I SUCK YOUR MOTHERS 453 00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:03,097 [BEEP]. 454 00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:04,200 >> THANKS, MIKE. 455 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,370 >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME ON, 456 00:18:06,367 --> 00:18:07,067 TOSH. 457 00:18:07,067 --> 00:18:08,067 GO LIFT WEIGHTS. 458 00:18:08,067 --> 00:18:13,827 >> MAYBE TOMORROW. 459 00:18:13,833 --> 00:18:16,073 >> E-MAIL US A VIDEO FOR A 460 00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:17,397 VIEWER UPDATE. 461 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:22,070 THIS WEEK COMES FROM TAKI 462 00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:36,967 PICTURES. 463 00:18:39,433 --> 00:18:53,733 >> WE CUT 4 HOURS OUT OF THAT. 464 00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:56,373 WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE 465 00:18:56,367 --> 00:18:59,197 FRANK LEAVES FOR THE ORIENT. 466 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:04,730 [ APPLAUSE ] 467 00:19:04,733 --> 00:19:10,233 [ APPLAUSE ] 468 00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:13,073 >> AH, WELCOME WHACK TO THE PART 469 00:19:13,067 --> 00:19:15,267 OF THE SHOW I CARE LEAST ABOUT. 470 00:19:15,267 --> 00:19:18,697 NEXT WEEK THE TOSH.O MARATHON 471 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,070 RUNS WILD ON YOU. 472 00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:22,497 THAT MIGHT BE OUR WATERWORLD. 473 00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,270 THAT'S A REFERENCE TO A VERY 474 00:19:24,267 --> 00:19:25,267 EXPENSIVE FLOP. 475 00:19:25,267 --> 00:19:27,627 FOLLOW US ON TWITTER, KEEP UP 476 00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:30,973 WITH THE SHOWS AND SEE ME ON THE 477 00:19:30,967 --> 00:19:33,697 TOSH TOUR ON ICE. 478 00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:36,430 FINALLY THE UNFORTUNATE DOMAINS 479 00:19:36,433 --> 00:19:37,533 OF THE WEEK. 480 00:19:37,533 --> 00:19:51,373 FIRST TWOFINGERPUSSYDANCE.COM. 481 00:19:51,367 --> 00:19:58,597 TWO IT SOUNDS VULGAR BUT IT'S 482 00:19:58,600 --> 00:19:58,870 NOT. 483 00:19:58,867 --> 00:20:01,427 NEXT IS 484 00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:02,903 FILLMYWETSTINKYHOLEWITHYOURLOG.C 485 00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:04,130 OM. 486 00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:05,833 GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE 487 00:20:05,833 --> 00:20:08,773 GUTTER. 488 00:20:08,767 --> 00:20:09,997 IT'S FOR THE CHESTER. 489 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,270 IN FIELD DAMN & LANDSCAPING 490 00:20:13,267 --> 00:20:14,267 COMPANY. 491 00:20:14,267 --> 00:20:16,327 SERVING EASTERN IOWA FOR OVER 25 492 00:20:16,333 --> 00:20:18,303 YEARS WITH THE FINEST 493 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,030 LANDSCAPING MODIFICATION. 494 00:20:20,033 --> 00:20:21,233 NOW IT MAKES SENSE. 495 00:20:21,233 --> 00:20:34,633 AND FINALLY THE HOLOCAUST IS A THE 496 00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:35,233 HOLHOLOCAUSTISALIE.COM. 497 00:20:35,233 --> 00:20:39,933 THAT PRO MATES HATE. 498 00:20:39,933 --> 00:20:44,633 AND ICE CREAM OUTSIDE OF CORPUS 499 00:20:44,633 --> 00:20:45,433 CHRISTI. 500 00:20:45,433 --> 00:20:48,603 BARGAINS LIKE THAT YOU WILL 501 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,330 ATTRACT A SPECIFIC CLIENTELE 502 00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:53,033 OVERLOOKING YOUR HIGHLY 503 00:20:53,033 --> 00:20:54,033 OFFENSIVE WEBSITE. 504 00:20:54,033 --> 00:20:55,303 ALRIGHT I WANT THE SHOW TO BE 505 00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:55,970 OVER NOW. 506 00:20:55,967 --> 00:21:00,227 GOOD NIGHT. 507 00:21:00,233 --> 00:21:02,233 >> WERE YOU SO HAPPY YOU KNOCKED 508 00:21:02,233 --> 00:21:02,633 HIM OUT. 509 00:21:02,633 --> 00:21:04,573 >> I HAVE TO BE HONEST I WAS A 510 00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:06,867 LITTLE CONCERNED INITIALLY. 511 00:21:06,867 --> 00:21:09,197 THEN I WAS OVERWHELMED WITH HOW 512 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:10,900 EXCITED AND NICE IT FELT TO 513 00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:12,400 KNOCKOUT ONE OF MY FRIENDS. 514 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:13,970 >> I DON'T THINK WHERE YOU 515 00:21:13,967 --> 00:21:15,827 INITIAL REACTION WAS OF CONCERN. 516 00:21:15,833 --> 00:21:16,833 >> WHAT THE [BEEP] WAS THAT. 517 00:21:16,833 --> 00:21:18,873 >> A LOT OF PEOPLE KNEW WHAT WAS 518 00:21:18,867 --> 00:21:19,727 WRONG WITH YOU. 519 00:21:19,733 --> 00:21:21,673 YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSE TO MOVE 520 00:21:21,667 --> 00:21:22,067 ANYTHING. 521 00:21:22,067 --> 00:21:23,167 WERE THEY SLAPPING YOU IN THE 522 00:21:23,167 --> 00:21:23,667 FACE TOO. 523 00:21:23,667 --> 00:21:24,397 >> YA. 31992

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