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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:47,933 --> 00:00:50,473 >> I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT. 2 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,867 SUPER BIKES ARE USUALLY SO SAFE. 3 00:00:52,867 --> 00:00:54,927 WELCOME TO THE TOSH.0. 4 00:00:54,933 --> 00:00:58,573 STOP ASKING ME TO JOIN YOUR 5 00:00:58,567 --> 00:01:00,067 LINKED IN NETWORK. 6 00:01:00,067 --> 00:01:02,067 IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. 7 00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:02,797 >> TONIGHT ON THE SHOW I BREAK 8 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:03,370 BOARDS WITH THIS GUY. 9 00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:03,867 AND I GET ROASTED. 10 00:01:03,867 --> 00:01:04,567 LET'S SEE IF HIS PIT CREW CAN 11 00:01:04,567 --> 00:01:06,567 PUT HIM BACK TOGETHER. 12 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,127 >> YES, SIR. 13 00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:13,433 YOU HAVE A QUESTION. 14 00:01:13,433 --> 00:01:14,273 >> HAND DOWN, MAN DOWN. 15 00:01:14,267 --> 00:01:15,067 TURNS OUT SLOW AND STEADY WILL 16 00:01:15,067 --> 00:01:17,727 GET YOU KILLED. 17 00:01:17,733 --> 00:01:18,873 >> WHAT COLOR OF FLAG DO YOU 18 00:01:18,867 --> 00:01:28,567 WAVE FOR A CORPSE ON THE TRACK. 19 00:01:28,567 --> 00:01:29,227 THERE'S SOME DEBATE IN THE 20 00:01:29,233 --> 00:01:29,973 OFFICE OVER WHAT THIS NEXT VIDEO 21 00:01:29,967 --> 00:01:30,227 IS. 22 00:01:30,233 --> 00:01:30,773 MY MONEY IS A LABIA. 23 00:01:30,767 --> 00:01:31,467 >> I KNOW A PINK CANOE WHEN I 24 00:01:31,467 --> 00:01:33,097 SEE ONE. 25 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:33,830 THEY ARE REALLY FINGER BLASTING 26 00:01:33,833 --> 00:01:37,973 THAT THING. 27 00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:38,627 >> THAT WHISKER BISCUIT HAS 28 00:01:38,633 --> 00:01:41,533 TEETH. 29 00:01:41,533 --> 00:01:45,473 MY LIPSTICK ALMOST CAME OUT. 30 00:01:45,467 --> 00:01:46,197 THAT'S HOW DISGUSTING YOUR LADY 31 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:47,470 PARTS ARE. 32 00:01:47,467 --> 00:01:48,127 THEY CAN BE CONFUSED WITH A 33 00:01:48,133 --> 00:01:52,873 DOG'S MOUTH. 34 00:01:52,867 --> 00:01:53,597 >> BUT STILL A DOG'S MOUTH IS 35 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,970 WAY CLEANER THAN A [BLEEP]. 36 00:01:55,967 --> 00:01:58,227 >> I'M NOT A CAT PERSON. 37 00:01:58,233 --> 00:02:00,273 >> AND HERE'S A REAL WOMAN. 38 00:02:00,267 --> 00:02:04,797 MAYBE. 39 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:05,430 THIS IS FROM THE BOOK OF 40 00:02:05,433 --> 00:02:13,633 GENESIS. 41 00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:15,703 OH NO. 42 00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:16,470 NOW THAT TRANSSEXUAL IS LEAKING 43 00:02:16,467 --> 00:02:18,727 SILICONE. 44 00:02:18,733 --> 00:02:19,503 MAYBE SHE'D BE MORE COMFORTABLE 45 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:26,130 WITH A TROUSER SNAKE. 46 00:02:26,133 --> 00:02:26,803 GIVE THAT SNAKE A DOSE OF 47 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:27,330 ANTISYPHILIS SERUM. 48 00:02:27,333 --> 00:02:28,103 >> AT LEAST IT DIDN'T GO FOR HER 49 00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:31,970 BEAUTIFUL CLOWN FACE. 50 00:02:31,967 --> 00:02:32,327 ALL RIGHT. 51 00:02:32,333 --> 00:02:42,473 SHOW ME SOME SWINGERS. 52 00:02:42,467 --> 00:02:43,297 >> GREAT. 53 00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:46,400 NOW EVERYBODY IS GOING TO THINK 54 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,970 MALE JIM NASTS ARE GAY. 55 00:02:49,967 --> 00:02:53,067 >> THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT WHEN 56 00:02:53,067 --> 00:02:56,497 I SAID POUND ME IN THE BUTT. 57 00:02:56,500 --> 00:03:00,330 >> AND IF YOU LISTEN IT DOES 58 00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:02,703 SOUND LIKE THEY ENJOY 59 00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:06,900 THEMSELVES. 60 00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:10,330 WANT TO SEE HOW MAD COW DISEASE 61 00:03:10,333 --> 00:03:13,103 STARTED. 62 00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:16,170 THIS IS YOU HAD YOU AREALLY 63 00:03:16,167 --> 00:03:16,567 DISGUSTING. 64 00:03:16,567 --> 00:03:20,067 OH DANIEL AND YOUR WORDPLAY. 65 00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:23,167 WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING ON 66 00:03:23,167 --> 00:03:25,867 THE OLD MCDONALD'S FARM. 67 00:03:25,867 --> 00:03:28,567 THAT COW IS NEVER GOING TO GET 68 00:03:28,567 --> 00:03:29,067 OSTEOPOROSIS. 69 00:03:29,067 --> 00:03:33,867 >> COME AND GIVE THE HEIFER SOME 70 00:03:33,867 --> 00:03:34,497 OREOS. 71 00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:35,770 HONESTLY WHAT GUY HASN'T TRIED 72 00:03:35,767 --> 00:03:54,827 TO DO THAT. 73 00:03:54,833 --> 00:03:57,273 THAT WAS ONE% MAN MILK. 74 00:03:57,267 --> 00:03:58,227 DOES THE BODY GOOD. 75 00:03:58,233 --> 00:04:05,873 WHAT'S NEXT. 76 00:04:05,867 --> 00:04:10,227 [SCREAMING] 77 00:04:10,233 --> 00:04:12,973 >> I BET THAT'S NOT THE FIRST 78 00:04:12,967 --> 00:04:15,067 TIME SHE WENT DOWN THAT DAY. 79 00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:17,727 >> LET'S GET WASTED FOR THIS 80 00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:20,073 WEEK'S SPRING BREAKDOWN. 81 00:04:20,067 --> 00:04:23,127 >> SPRING BREAK RULES MOSTLY 82 00:04:23,133 --> 00:04:24,503 BECAUSE GIRLS MAKE POOR 83 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:25,400 DECISIONS. 84 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,970 IT'S THE TIME TO TEST ALCOHOL 85 00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:31,827 BOUNDARIES, AND THE WORD NO. 86 00:04:31,833 --> 00:04:34,233 SO THAT IS NO BEACH BODY. 87 00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:37,173 THAT IS ADOUGH'S LAKE BODY. 88 00:04:37,167 --> 00:04:41,467 FOCUS ON HER TATAS AND NOTHING 89 00:04:41,467 --> 00:04:41,967 ELSE. 90 00:04:41,967 --> 00:04:43,227 >> THERE YOU GO. 91 00:04:43,233 --> 00:04:44,103 SMART MOVE. 92 00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:46,770 YOU DON'T WANT THE TWINS POPPING 93 00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:47,227 OUT. 94 00:04:47,233 --> 00:04:51,133 >> AT LEAST SHE TUCKED IN ALL 95 00:04:51,133 --> 00:04:52,973 HER HAIR IN BEFORE SHE WENT OUT. 96 00:04:52,967 --> 00:04:56,727 >> GET OFF THE POT YOU SKANK. 97 00:04:56,733 --> 00:04:59,373 >> SHE SHOULD BE FINE IF SHE 98 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:01,067 GOES IN FEET FIRST. 99 00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:01,297 PAUSE. 100 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:05,230 SHE TIPPED A BIT SIDEWAYS BEFORE 101 00:05:05,233 --> 00:05:05,603 ENTERING. 102 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:11,530 BACK IT UP. 103 00:05:11,533 --> 00:05:13,473 SEE, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT HER 104 00:05:13,467 --> 00:05:16,397 BOOBS ARE BEING PULLED DOWN 105 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,230 PASTOR THAN HER BUTT. 106 00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:21,373 >> GRAVITY IS A BREAST MAN. 107 00:05:21,367 --> 00:05:24,597 >> TO ME THAT READS DEAD. 108 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:31,670 >> THAT IS RAY MORE EFFECTIVE 109 00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:32,797 THAN A ROOFIE. 110 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,900 >> TO GIVE YOU ARE A TRIPLE KISS 111 00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:35,930 OF CPR. 112 00:05:35,933 --> 00:05:38,373 SHE NEEDS TO REHYDRATE. 113 00:05:38,367 --> 00:05:41,167 SOMEONE GET HER SOME HUNCH 114 00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:43,597 PUNCH. 115 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,570 I'M JUST GLAD THAT GIRLS GONE 116 00:05:46,567 --> 00:05:51,297 WILD DID A FINALLY ADDITION. 117 00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:54,230 AND FOR THAT WE DID FINALLY 118 00:05:54,233 --> 00:05:54,603 ADDITION. 119 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:59,100 >> WHERE DO WE KEEP THE GIANT 120 00:05:59,100 --> 00:05:59,530 TWEEZERS. 121 00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:02,933 I THINK I MIGHT HAVE A GIANT 122 00:06:02,933 --> 00:06:14,303 SPLINTER. 123 00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,630 >> I WANTED TO MAKE A VIDEO TO 124 00:06:16,633 --> 00:06:18,373 HOPEFULLY INSPIRE TO DO 125 00:06:18,367 --> 00:06:22,267 SOMETHING YOU MAY FEEL IS TOO 126 00:06:22,267 --> 00:06:22,927 DIFFICULT. 127 00:06:22,933 --> 00:06:24,773 WITHOUT FURTHER ADO I'M GOING TO 128 00:06:24,767 --> 00:06:26,427 BREAK THIS THING OVER MY HEAD. 129 00:06:26,433 --> 00:06:27,273 >> OKAY. 130 00:06:27,267 --> 00:06:36,497 DIDN'T WORK. 131 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:44,097 I DID IT. 132 00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:48,500 >> THAT'S HOW BRANDON LEE DIED. 133 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:50,800 JOSHUA'S JUST TRYING TO BE A 134 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,530 MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER BUT 135 00:06:53,533 --> 00:06:54,473 REPEAT 136 00:06:54,467 --> 00:06:55,197 REPEATEDLY SMASHING HIS HEAD 137 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:59,070 WITH A BOARD HE SHOWED IT WAS A 138 00:06:59,067 --> 00:07:01,367 TOTAL WASTE OF TIME. 139 00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:03,397 >> TELLING PEOPLE YOU HAVE TO GO 140 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,600 TO KARATE PRACTICE. 141 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:09,430 >> JUJITSU, AND KARATE. 142 00:07:09,433 --> 00:07:11,073 >> I GUESS I SHOULD EXPECT FROM 143 00:07:11,067 --> 00:07:14,527 A REGION FULL OF PEOPLE WHO LOOK 144 00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:15,203 SIMILAR. 145 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:19,070 THAT'S I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY 146 00:07:19,067 --> 00:07:19,897 NINJAS WEAR MASKS. 147 00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,530 WHAT ARE THE ODDS THAT SOMEONE 148 00:07:21,533 --> 00:07:24,603 IS GOING TO PICK YOU OUT OF A 149 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:25,170 LINEUP. 150 00:07:25,167 --> 00:07:31,567 >> STOP TRYING TO SHOW OFF YOUR 151 00:07:31,567 --> 00:07:34,427 ACTING CHOPS JACKIE CHAN. 152 00:07:34,433 --> 00:07:41,803 >> IF STEVEN SIEGAL CAN BE A WAX 153 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:49,370 OFF'S TOSH.0 WEB REDEMPTION. 154 00:07:49,367 --> 00:07:50,697 HELLO JOSH. 155 00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:52,470 >> HEY, DANIEL. 156 00:07:52,467 --> 00:07:54,067 >> ARE YOU TRYING TO CATCH A 157 00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:55,867 FLOUR WITH A CHOPSTICKS. 158 00:07:55,867 --> 00:08:00,267 >> NO I'M EATING RICE YOU RACE 159 00:08:00,267 --> 00:08:00,597 RACIST. 160 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:01,400 >> JOSHUA. 161 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,200 >> YOU CAN CALL ME JOSH. 162 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,530 >> WITH YOUR BEARD YOU WENT FULL 163 00:08:06,533 --> 00:08:06,833 AMISH. 164 00:08:06,833 --> 00:08:08,073 >> WANT TO TOUCH IT. 165 00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:08,627 >> I DO. 166 00:08:08,633 --> 00:08:10,073 >> THAT'S A NICE BEARD. 167 00:08:10,067 --> 00:08:11,797 >> WHAT WAS THAT VIDEO ABOUT 168 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:15,270 >> I WANTED TO MAKE A VIDEO TO 169 00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:20,230 INSPIRE PEOPLE TO DO SOMETHING 170 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,873 TO DO SOMETHING THEY HAVEN'T 171 00:08:22,867 --> 00:08:23,167 DONE. 172 00:08:23,167 --> 00:08:25,067 >> YOU JUST HAVE TO TRY. 173 00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:27,297 TURNS OUT SOME THINGS THAT ARE 174 00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:29,270 DIFFICULT ARE REALLY, REALLY 175 00:08:29,267 --> 00:08:29,767 DIFFICULT. 176 00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:31,527 >> DID THAT HURT. 177 00:08:31,533 --> 00:08:33,203 >> FIRST VIDEO NO. 178 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,230 THE FOLLOW UP VIDEO THAT KIND OF 179 00:08:36,233 --> 00:08:36,633 HURT. 180 00:08:36,633 --> 00:08:38,303 >> HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE SEEN 181 00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:39,170 THOSE VIDEOS. 182 00:08:39,167 --> 00:08:40,967 >> AROUND A MILLION. 183 00:08:40,967 --> 00:08:45,127 >> DO YOU SEE YOURSELF AS AN 184 00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:45,803 INSPIRATIONAL SPEAKER. 185 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,470 >> NO. 186 00:08:47,467 --> 00:08:51,267 >> WHAT KIND OF PLYWOOD. 187 00:08:51,267 --> 00:08:53,227 >> THREE-QUARTER INCH. 188 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:56,203 I DIDN'T THINK THIS IS PLYWOOD 189 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,900 IT'S NOT GOING TO BREAK EASY. 190 00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:01,800 I GRABBED A COUPLE OF THEM, AND 191 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:05,070 WENT HOME. 192 00:09:05,067 --> 00:09:09,097 >> I THINK AT HOME DEPOT YOU GET 193 00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:10,130 THREE FREE TIMES. 194 00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:14,633 I'M SURE AT HOME DEPOT YOU GET 195 00:09:14,633 --> 00:09:15,233 UNLIMITED CUTS. 196 00:09:15,233 --> 00:09:16,673 >> DO YOU HAVE ANY KARATE 197 00:09:16,667 --> 00:09:17,067 BACKGROUND. 198 00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:17,967 >> NO. 199 00:09:17,967 --> 00:09:20,597 >> KARATE IS NOT HERE. 200 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,670 >> KARATE HERE. 201 00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:25,397 NOT HERE. 202 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:26,900 KARATE HERE. 203 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,100 >> YOU SEEM LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO 204 00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:31,070 A GREAT PUPIL. 205 00:09:31,067 --> 00:09:33,827 >> THESE I NEED YOU TO RESTRING 206 00:09:33,833 --> 00:09:35,473 MY TENNIS RACKET. 207 00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:37,667 I LIKE HEAVY TENSION. 208 00:09:37,667 --> 00:09:39,167 IT'S ALL ABOUT CONTROL. 209 00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:44,067 I NEED TO EXPRESS MY DOG'S ANAL 210 00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:46,167 GLANDS AND IF YOU HAVE TIME 211 00:09:46,167 --> 00:09:47,067 RE-GROUT MY BATHROOM. 212 00:09:47,067 --> 00:09:48,167 DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS? 213 00:09:48,167 --> 00:09:50,167 >> YOU HAVE NO QUESTIONS. 214 00:09:50,167 --> 00:09:53,767 FIRST RULE OF KARATE, DON'T ASK 215 00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:54,527 QUESTIONS. 216 00:09:54,533 --> 00:09:56,373 I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S THE FIRST 217 00:09:56,367 --> 00:09:57,797 RULE BUT IT'S IN THERE. 218 00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,830 IT'S SOMEWHERE IN THE RULES 219 00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:07,273 DON'T ASK A LOT OF QUESTIONS. 220 00:10:07,267 --> 00:10:08,827 >> I'M DONE. 221 00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:10,733 >> THOSE CHORES HELPED ME TO 222 00:10:10,733 --> 00:10:11,473 LEARN KARATE. 223 00:10:11,467 --> 00:10:12,367 >> NO. 224 00:10:12,367 --> 00:10:14,667 BUT MY WEEKEND IS WIDE OPEN. 225 00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:16,227 LET'S GO BREAK SOME BOARDS NOW. 226 00:10:16,233 --> 00:10:18,273 >> BUT I DIDN'T LEARN ANYTHING. 227 00:10:18,267 --> 00:10:19,127 >> TOO BAD. 228 00:10:19,133 --> 00:10:21,433 THE TOURNAMENT STARTS IN 10 229 00:10:21,433 --> 00:10:21,773 MINUTES. 230 00:10:21,767 --> 00:10:23,827 >> WELCOME TO THE ALL VALLEY 231 00:10:23,833 --> 00:10:26,033 BOARD BREAKING TOURNAMENT. 232 00:10:26,033 --> 00:10:27,773 WORLD WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE 233 00:10:27,767 --> 00:10:28,997 READY TO GIVE ANOTHER CHOP. 234 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,330 >> YES. 235 00:10:31,333 --> 00:10:36,133 >> GOOD BECAUSE I GOT YOU BY TO 236 00:10:36,133 --> 00:10:37,403 THE FINAL. 237 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:42,730 >> JOSH FROM THE DOJO, AND HIS 238 00:10:42,733 --> 00:10:45,173 OPPONENT THE GUY WHO BROKE THE 239 00:10:45,167 --> 00:10:48,367 KARATE KID'S KNEE BOBBY BROWN. 240 00:10:48,367 --> 00:10:50,197 >> BOO. 241 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:54,830 >> IT TOOK HIM 25 YEARS. 242 00:10:54,833 --> 00:11:02,903 >> C COBRA KAI DOJO WILL GO FIRST. 243 00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:08,070 >> I PRECOOKED THIS -- IT WILL 244 00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,667 BE EASIER TO BREAK. 245 00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:14,227 >> SWITCH THE BOARD. 246 00:11:14,233 --> 00:11:18,703 DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? 247 00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:19,730 ESSENTI 248 00:11:19,733 --> 00:11:21,273 SENSEI I CAN BEAT THIS GUY. 249 00:11:21,267 --> 00:11:23,727 >> I DON'T WANT YOU TO BEAT HIM. 250 00:11:23,733 --> 00:11:25,733 I WANT HIM OUT OF COMMISSION. 251 00:11:25,733 --> 00:11:41,273 >> JUST SWITCH THE BOARD. 252 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:47,527 >> THE COBRA KAI USED A PRECUT 253 00:11:47,533 --> 00:11:48,203 BOARD. 254 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,670 >> IF JOSH CAN BREAK HIS BOARD 255 00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:53,397 HE WILL BE CHAMPION. 256 00:11:53,400 --> 00:12:06,430 >> THIS IS YOURS TO LOSE. 257 00:12:06,433 --> 00:12:07,873 >> YOU IDIOT. 258 00:12:07,867 --> 00:12:09,127 >> HOLD ON. 259 00:12:09,133 --> 00:12:21,703 NOW I GOT YOU. 260 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:22,570 >> NO. 261 00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:24,067 IT'S MY HEAD THAT HURTS. 262 00:12:24,067 --> 00:12:26,897 >> I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO 263 00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:28,270 DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT. 264 00:12:28,267 --> 00:12:29,627 YOU GET TWO TRIES. 265 00:12:29,633 --> 00:12:47,433 GOOD LUCK. 266 00:12:50,533 --> 00:12:54,303 >> WHOO! 267 00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:57,500 >> ALREADY GOT A CHAMPION 268 00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:58,730 STUDENT. 269 00:12:58,733 --> 00:13:00,073 YOU'RE ALL RIGHT JOSH. 270 00:13:00,067 --> 00:13:01,197 >> THANKS BOBBY. 271 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,470 >> ALL RIGHT. 272 00:13:03,467 --> 00:13:12,427 >> LIVE OR DIE CREED. 273 00:13:12,433 --> 00:13:13,133 >> LIVE. 274 00:13:13,133 --> 00:13:15,773 >> IT'S ONLY A BOARD BREAKING 275 00:13:15,767 --> 00:13:16,167 TOURNAMENT. 276 00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:18,397 >> IF YOU'RE GOING TO HONK MY 277 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:27,170 NOSE JUST DO IT. 278 00:13:27,167 --> 00:13:29,597 >> DO YOU THINK NEXT SEASON WILL 279 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,900 HAVE A BIG ENOUGH BUDGET TO GO 280 00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:42,230 TO OKINAWA SO I CAN LEARN THE 281 00:13:42,233 --> 00:13:43,133 >> HE'S RECORDING. 282 00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:44,433 HE TELLS YOU TO DANCE. 283 00:13:44,433 --> 00:13:45,503 >> NO. 284 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:46,100 >> ME FIGHT. 285 00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:48,130 >> OH. 286 00:13:48,133 --> 00:13:49,533 >> OH. 287 00:13:49,533 --> 00:13:52,373 HE'S GOT IT. 288 00:13:52,367 --> 00:13:52,967 >> ALL RIGHT. 289 00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:54,527 WHEN YOU'RE DONE, TELL ME. 290 00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:55,403 >> ALL RIGHT. 291 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:56,170 I'VE GOT IT. 292 00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:57,497 >> YOUR TURN. 293 00:13:57,500 --> 00:14:00,100 KILL HIM. 294 00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:06,970 >> OOO. 295 00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:08,927 ALWAYS BET ON BLACK. 296 00:14:08,933 --> 00:14:10,703 ISN'T IT REFRESHING WHEN 297 00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:11,670 STEREOTYPES ARE CONFIRMED. 298 00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:14,597 THAT VIDEO REMINDS OF TRADITION 299 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,930 AT TOSH.0 WHEN SOMEONE PITCHES A 300 00:14:17,933 --> 00:14:19,433 JOKE I DON'T LIKE THEY HAVE TO 301 00:14:19,433 --> 00:14:22,673 GET ON THE TABLE AND DANCE THEIR 302 00:14:22,667 --> 00:14:25,397 HEART OUT FOR ONE-MINUTE. 303 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:29,070 HE APPEARS TO HAVE SCOLIOSIS OR 304 00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:29,397 RICKETS. 305 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:29,870 POSSIBLY BOTH. 306 00:14:29,867 --> 00:14:35,327 >> WHO WROTE MY GOD RIGHT IN THE 307 00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:35,633 HEAD. 308 00:14:35,633 --> 00:14:37,273 >> OH MAN. 309 00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:38,467 IT WAS JUST A JOKE. 310 00:14:38,467 --> 00:14:40,797 >> GET ON THE TABLE. 311 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:56,600 3, 2, 1. 312 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,130 >> I'M SURE YOU ALL AGREE THAT 313 00:14:59,133 --> 00:15:00,073 WAS PAINFUL. 314 00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,767 I FELT SO BAD FOR HIM AND HIS 315 00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:03,967 FAMILY THAT I HIRED A NEW WRITER 316 00:15:03,967 --> 00:15:06,397 NAMED CHRIS JUST TO HELP HIM TO 317 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,070 GET HIS GROOVE BACK. 318 00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:08,367 >> NO. 319 00:15:08,367 --> 00:15:10,097 I'M SORRY YOU KNOW THE RULES. 320 00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:36,800 >> YOU'RE NOT FUNNY. 321 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:37,700 * 322 00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:38,070 * 323 00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:45,867 * 324 00:15:45,867 --> 00:15:48,267 >> THANKS FOR HELPING OUT CHRIS 325 00:15:48,267 --> 00:15:48,627 BROWN. 326 00:15:48,633 --> 00:15:51,533 I HAVE AN ALL NEW RESPECT FOR 327 00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:52,933 HIS DANCING. 328 00:15:52,933 --> 00:15:54,633 HAVE YOU SEEN THAT PICTURE OF 329 00:15:54,633 --> 00:15:57,933 HIM ONLINE. 330 00:15:57,933 --> 00:15:58,703 MAGNIFICENT. 331 00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:02,270 NOW IT'S TIME FOR TWIT AND BY. 332 00:16:02,267 --> 00:16:07,767 I HELPED YOU FANS TO WRITE TO 333 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:08,867 ERIN ANDREWS. 334 00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:13,227 I KNOW YOU'RE IN THE METROSEXUAL 335 00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:13,603 MEDIANS. 336 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,470 FIRST OFF I WANT TO APOLOGIZE. 337 00:16:16,467 --> 00:16:18,527 YOUR BEAUTY SHOULD HAVE WON 338 00:16:18,533 --> 00:16:19,633 DANCING WITH THE STARS. 339 00:16:19,633 --> 00:16:22,133 YOU WERE A GREAT REPORTER, AND I 340 00:16:22,133 --> 00:16:24,873 APPRECIATE ALL THE WORK YOU DO 341 00:16:24,867 --> 00:16:28,167 FOR ESPN. 342 00:16:28,167 --> 00:16:31,927 >> AND I'LL BUY ALL THE PINK 343 00:16:31,933 --> 00:16:33,073 MOUNTAIN DEW TO DROWN KENNY 344 00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:33,367 MANE. 345 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:37,427 >> YOUR ALABASTER SKIN IS ONLY 346 00:16:37,433 --> 00:16:39,773 HEIGHTENED BY YOUR HAIR. 347 00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:41,597 I WANT TO EXPRESS MY SEXUAL 348 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,570 DESIRES FOR YOU. 349 00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:45,697 >> ME LIKE. 350 00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,070 LET'S GET MARRIED. 351 00:16:47,067 --> 00:16:49,897 I'LL TAKE YOUR LAST NAME. 352 00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:55,600 I FEEL I'D BE THE WOMAN IN THE 353 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:56,770 RELATIONSHIP ANYWAYS. 354 00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:59,067 >> I CLAIM YOU. 355 00:16:59,067 --> 00:17:03,067 LET ME GAIS INTO THE PEEPHOLE IN 356 00:17:03,067 --> 00:17:03,897 YOUR SOUL. 357 00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:06,070 AND THEN WE'LL MEET ON THE HIGH 358 00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:08,797 MOUNTAIN FOR SEXUAL COMBAT. 359 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,900 NOW THAT IT'S JUST A FLARUP BUT 360 00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:12,970 IT'S GONE NOW. 361 00:17:12,967 --> 00:17:15,497 >> LOVE YOU BABE. 362 00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:17,230 >> DO YOU HAVE ANY GAY FRIENDS. 363 00:17:17,233 --> 00:17:20,573 >> PPS. 364 00:17:20,567 --> 00:17:25,467 PURPLE PENIS PUMPERNICKEL. 365 00:17:25,467 --> 00:17:26,867 >> ALL RIGHT. 366 00:17:26,867 --> 00:17:29,767 I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT IS THE 367 00:17:29,767 --> 00:17:33,667 LAST TIME WE'LL DO TWIT AND BY. 368 00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:36,427 THAT REALLY GOT OUT OF HAND 369 00:17:36,433 --> 00:17:37,803 ONLINE. 370 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:41,700 I SERIOUSLY APOLOGIZE TO ERIN. 371 00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:51,470 >> CALL ME. 372 00:17:51,467 --> 00:17:53,727 >> OH MISTER. 373 00:17:53,733 --> 00:17:57,203 THANK YOU. 374 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:58,270 >> ARE YOU SERIOUS. 375 00:17:58,267 --> 00:18:02,097 YOU WANT A SIDE OF TAMPONS WITH 376 00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:02,500 THAT. 377 00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,970 >> YOU GOT A VAGINA. 378 00:18:04,967 --> 00:18:08,867 >> CAN WE GET A HARD BOOK 379 00:18:08,867 --> 00:18:11,267 EDITION OF THIS WHILE HE EATS 380 00:18:11,267 --> 00:18:12,597 HIS SIDE OF CELERY. 381 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,800 >> I LIKE CELERY. 382 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:19,730 >> LIKE COME HERE. 383 00:18:19,733 --> 00:18:21,333 COME HERE. 384 00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:48,103 >> MMMM. 385 00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:52,700 YOU GUYS GOT ME GOOD. 386 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:56,270 >> IT SHOULD COME AS NO SURPRISE 387 00:18:56,267 --> 00:18:58,797 I TOO LOVE CELERY, AND MAKING 388 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,070 OUT WITH MY BROS. 389 00:19:01,067 --> 00:19:09,297 WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE OF THE 390 00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:13,230 >> WELCOME BACK SINNERS. 391 00:19:13,233 --> 00:19:15,173 I'M GOING ON A LITTLE VACATION 392 00:19:15,167 --> 00:19:17,067 FROM MY PROBLEMS. 393 00:19:17,067 --> 00:19:18,397 BABY STEPS. 394 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,830 >> I'M A SAILOR. 395 00:19:21,833 --> 00:19:24,533 I DO HAVE AN IMPORTANT 396 00:19:24,533 --> 00:19:25,103 ANNOUNCEMENT. 397 00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:29,230 WE'RE GOING TO BE TAPING A LIVE 398 00:19:29,233 --> 00:19:34,403 SEGMENT ON A COLLEGE CAMPUS. 399 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,730 WHICH ONE. 400 00:19:35,733 --> 00:19:40,633 HOT CHEERLEADERS. 401 00:19:40,633 --> 00:19:43,433 IF YOUR CASE IS STRONG ENOUGH 402 00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:50,233 WE'LL FILM TOSH LIVE AT YOUR 403 00:19:50,233 --> 00:19:50,573 CAMPUS. 404 00:19:50,567 --> 00:19:53,397 NOW BE SURE YOU FOLLOW ME ON 405 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:57,430 TWITTER, AND HAPPY THOUGHTS IS 406 00:19:57,433 --> 00:20:00,803 AVAILABLE ONLINE, AND IN STORES. 407 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,600 >> COMEDY CENTRAL IS RUNNING OUT 408 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,130 OF PEOPLE TO ROAST. 409 00:20:06,133 --> 00:20:09,433 >> THEY ROASTED ME ONCE. 410 00:20:09,433 --> 00:20:12,773 >> BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T AIR IT 411 00:20:12,767 --> 00:20:16,727 BECAUSE NO ONE COULD SAY A BAD 412 00:20:16,733 --> 00:20:17,903 THING ABOUT ME. 413 00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:20,900 >> MICHAEL JORDAN IS THE DANIEL 414 00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:22,030 TOSH OF BASKETBALL. 415 00:20:22,033 --> 00:20:23,433 >> THAT'S TRUE. 416 00:20:23,433 --> 00:20:24,273 >> TRUE. 417 00:20:24,267 --> 00:20:26,567 >> I WOULD PULL THE PLUG ON MY 418 00:20:26,567 --> 00:20:28,867 DYING MOTHER IF DANIEL NEEDED TO 419 00:20:28,867 --> 00:20:30,367 CHARGE HIS CELL PHONE. 420 00:20:30,367 --> 00:20:32,767 >> A LOT OF THE PEOPLE THINK 421 00:20:32,767 --> 00:20:34,797 DANIEL IS GAY. 422 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:39,600 THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S INSANELY 423 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,530 GOOD-LOOKING. 424 00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:43,203 >> IT'S PRETTY BIG. 425 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,530 >> HE KNOWS. 426 00:20:44,533 --> 00:20:47,273 >> DANIEL TOSH IS A KING AMONG 427 00:20:47,267 --> 00:20:49,167 MEN, AND WE ALL LOVE HIM. 428 00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:50,627 >> GO EASY. 429 00:20:50,633 --> 00:20:51,973 >> THERE'S ABSOLUTELY WRONG WITH 430 00:20:51,967 --> 00:20:53,097 THIS GUY. 431 00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:54,400 THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS 432 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:54,670 GUY. 433 00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:55,367 >> THANK YOU. 434 00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:58,467 >> THANK YOU. 435 00:20:58,467 --> 00:21:01,527 >> I HATE TO SEE YOU GO BUT I 436 00:21:01,533 --> 00:21:04,773 WATCH TO SEE YOU LEAVE. 437 00:21:04,767 --> 00:21:18,297 >> NO MORE CALLERS. 438 00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:19,970 I'M GOING TO TRY TO HELP YOU OUT 439 00:21:19,967 --> 00:21:21,197 WITH THAT. 440 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,900 >> NOW YOU GOT IT. 441 00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:41,830 SEE THAT RIGHT THERE? 26845

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