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>> I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT.
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SUPER BIKES ARE USUALLY SO SAFE.
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WELCOME TO THE TOSH.0.
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STOP ASKING ME TO JOIN YOUR
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LINKED IN NETWORK.
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IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
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>> TONIGHT ON THE SHOW I BREAK
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BOARDS WITH THIS GUY.
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AND I GET ROASTED.
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LET'S SEE IF HIS PIT CREW CAN
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PUT HIM BACK TOGETHER.
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>> YES, SIR.
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YOU HAVE A QUESTION.
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>> HAND DOWN, MAN DOWN.
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TURNS OUT SLOW AND STEADY WILL
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GET YOU KILLED.
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>> WHAT COLOR OF FLAG DO YOU
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WAVE FOR A CORPSE ON THE TRACK.
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THERE'S SOME DEBATE IN THE
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OFFICE OVER WHAT THIS NEXT VIDEO
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IS.
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MY MONEY IS A LABIA.
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>> I KNOW A PINK CANOE WHEN I
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SEE ONE.
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THEY ARE REALLY FINGER BLASTING
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THAT THING.
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>> THAT WHISKER BISCUIT HAS
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TEETH.
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MY LIPSTICK ALMOST CAME OUT.
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THAT'S HOW DISGUSTING YOUR LADY
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PARTS ARE.
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THEY CAN BE CONFUSED WITH A
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DOG'S MOUTH.
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>> BUT STILL A DOG'S MOUTH IS
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WAY CLEANER THAN A [BLEEP].
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>> I'M NOT A CAT PERSON.
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>> AND HERE'S A REAL WOMAN.
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MAYBE.
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THIS IS FROM THE BOOK OF
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GENESIS.
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OH NO.
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NOW THAT TRANSSEXUAL IS LEAKING
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SILICONE.
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MAYBE SHE'D BE MORE COMFORTABLE
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WITH A TROUSER SNAKE.
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GIVE THAT SNAKE A DOSE OF
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ANTISYPHILIS SERUM.
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>> AT LEAST IT DIDN'T GO FOR HER
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BEAUTIFUL CLOWN FACE.
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ALL RIGHT.
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SHOW ME SOME SWINGERS.
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>> GREAT.
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NOW EVERYBODY IS GOING TO THINK
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MALE JIM NASTS ARE GAY.
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>> THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT WHEN
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I SAID POUND ME IN THE BUTT.
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>> AND IF YOU LISTEN IT DOES
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SOUND LIKE THEY ENJOY
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THEMSELVES.
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WANT TO SEE HOW MAD COW DISEASE
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STARTED.
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THIS IS YOU HAD YOU AREALLY
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DISGUSTING.
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OH DANIEL AND YOUR WORDPLAY.
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WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING ON
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THE OLD MCDONALD'S FARM.
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THAT COW IS NEVER GOING TO GET
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OSTEOPOROSIS.
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>> COME AND GIVE THE HEIFER SOME
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OREOS.
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HONESTLY WHAT GUY HASN'T TRIED
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TO DO THAT.
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THAT WAS ONE% MAN MILK.
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DOES THE BODY GOOD.
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WHAT'S NEXT.
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[SCREAMING]
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>> I BET THAT'S NOT THE FIRST
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TIME SHE WENT DOWN THAT DAY.
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>> LET'S GET WASTED FOR THIS
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WEEK'S SPRING BREAKDOWN.
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>> SPRING BREAK RULES MOSTLY
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BECAUSE GIRLS MAKE POOR
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DECISIONS.
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IT'S THE TIME TO TEST ALCOHOL
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BOUNDARIES, AND THE WORD NO.
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SO THAT IS NO BEACH BODY.
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THAT IS ADOUGH'S LAKE BODY.
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FOCUS ON HER TATAS AND NOTHING
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ELSE.
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>> THERE YOU GO.
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SMART MOVE.
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YOU DON'T WANT THE TWINS POPPING
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OUT.
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>> AT LEAST SHE TUCKED IN ALL
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HER HAIR IN BEFORE SHE WENT OUT.
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>> GET OFF THE POT YOU SKANK.
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>> SHE SHOULD BE FINE IF SHE
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GOES IN FEET FIRST.
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PAUSE.
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SHE TIPPED A BIT SIDEWAYS BEFORE
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ENTERING.
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BACK IT UP.
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SEE, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT HER
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BOOBS ARE BEING PULLED DOWN
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PASTOR THAN HER BUTT.
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>> GRAVITY IS A BREAST MAN.
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>> TO ME THAT READS DEAD.
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>> THAT IS RAY MORE EFFECTIVE
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THAN A ROOFIE.
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>> TO GIVE YOU ARE A TRIPLE KISS
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OF CPR.
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SHE NEEDS TO REHYDRATE.
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SOMEONE GET HER SOME HUNCH
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PUNCH.
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I'M JUST GLAD THAT GIRLS GONE
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WILD DID A FINALLY ADDITION.
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AND FOR THAT WE DID FINALLY
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ADDITION.
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>> WHERE DO WE KEEP THE GIANT
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TWEEZERS.
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I THINK I MIGHT HAVE A GIANT
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SPLINTER.
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>> I WANTED TO MAKE A VIDEO TO
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HOPEFULLY INSPIRE TO DO
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SOMETHING YOU MAY FEEL IS TOO
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DIFFICULT.
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WITHOUT FURTHER ADO I'M GOING TO
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BREAK THIS THING OVER MY HEAD.
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>> OKAY.
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DIDN'T WORK.
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I DID IT.
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>> THAT'S HOW BRANDON LEE DIED.
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JOSHUA'S JUST TRYING TO BE A
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MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER BUT
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REPEAT
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REPEATEDLY SMASHING HIS HEAD
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WITH A BOARD HE SHOWED IT WAS A
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TOTAL WASTE OF TIME.
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>> TELLING PEOPLE YOU HAVE TO GO
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TO KARATE PRACTICE.
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>> JUJITSU, AND KARATE.
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>> I GUESS I SHOULD EXPECT FROM
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A REGION FULL OF PEOPLE WHO LOOK
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SIMILAR.
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THAT'S I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY
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NINJAS WEAR MASKS.
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WHAT ARE THE ODDS THAT SOMEONE
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IS GOING TO PICK YOU OUT OF A
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LINEUP.
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>> STOP TRYING TO SHOW OFF YOUR
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ACTING CHOPS JACKIE CHAN.
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>> IF STEVEN SIEGAL CAN BE A WAX
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OFF'S TOSH.0 WEB REDEMPTION.
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HELLO JOSH.
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>> HEY, DANIEL.
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>> ARE YOU TRYING TO CATCH A
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FLOUR WITH A CHOPSTICKS.
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>> NO I'M EATING RICE YOU RACE
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RACIST.
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>> JOSHUA.
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>> YOU CAN CALL ME JOSH.
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>> WITH YOUR BEARD YOU WENT FULL
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AMISH.
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>> WANT TO TOUCH IT.
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>> I DO.
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>> THAT'S A NICE BEARD.
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>> WHAT WAS THAT VIDEO ABOUT
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>> I WANTED TO MAKE A VIDEO TO
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INSPIRE PEOPLE TO DO SOMETHING
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TO DO SOMETHING THEY HAVEN'T
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DONE.
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>> YOU JUST HAVE TO TRY.
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TURNS OUT SOME THINGS THAT ARE
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DIFFICULT ARE REALLY, REALLY
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DIFFICULT.
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>> DID THAT HURT.
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>> FIRST VIDEO NO.
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THE FOLLOW UP VIDEO THAT KIND OF
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HURT.
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>> HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE SEEN
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THOSE VIDEOS.
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>> AROUND A MILLION.
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>> DO YOU SEE YOURSELF AS AN
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INSPIRATIONAL SPEAKER.
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>> NO.
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>> WHAT KIND OF PLYWOOD.
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>> THREE-QUARTER INCH.
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I DIDN'T THINK THIS IS PLYWOOD
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IT'S NOT GOING TO BREAK EASY.
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I GRABBED A COUPLE OF THEM, AND
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WENT HOME.
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>> I THINK AT HOME DEPOT YOU GET
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THREE FREE TIMES.
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I'M SURE AT HOME DEPOT YOU GET
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UNLIMITED CUTS.
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>> DO YOU HAVE ANY KARATE
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BACKGROUND.
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>> NO.
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>> KARATE IS NOT HERE.
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>> KARATE HERE.
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NOT HERE.
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KARATE HERE.
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>> YOU SEEM LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO
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A GREAT PUPIL.
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>> THESE I NEED YOU TO RESTRING
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MY TENNIS RACKET.
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I LIKE HEAVY TENSION.
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IT'S ALL ABOUT CONTROL.
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I NEED TO EXPRESS MY DOG'S ANAL
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GLANDS AND IF YOU HAVE TIME
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RE-GROUT MY BATHROOM.
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DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?
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00:09:48,167 --> 00:09:50,167
>> YOU HAVE NO QUESTIONS.
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FIRST RULE OF KARATE, DON'T ASK
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QUESTIONS.
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I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S THE FIRST
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RULE BUT IT'S IN THERE.
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IT'S SOMEWHERE IN THE RULES
219
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DON'T ASK A LOT OF QUESTIONS.
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>> I'M DONE.
221
00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:10,733
>> THOSE CHORES HELPED ME TO
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LEARN KARATE.
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>> NO.
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BUT MY WEEKEND IS WIDE OPEN.
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LET'S GO BREAK SOME BOARDS NOW.
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>> BUT I DIDN'T LEARN ANYTHING.
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>> TOO BAD.
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THE TOURNAMENT STARTS IN 10
229
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MINUTES.
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00:10:21,767 --> 00:10:23,827
>> WELCOME TO THE ALL VALLEY
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BOARD BREAKING TOURNAMENT.
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WORLD WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE
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READY TO GIVE ANOTHER CHOP.
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>> YES.
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>> GOOD BECAUSE I GOT YOU BY TO
236
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THE FINAL.
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>> JOSH FROM THE DOJO, AND HIS
238
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OPPONENT THE GUY WHO BROKE THE
239
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KARATE KID'S KNEE BOBBY BROWN.
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>> BOO.
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>> IT TOOK HIM 25 YEARS.
242
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>> C COBRA KAI DOJO WILL GO FIRST.
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>> I PRECOOKED THIS -- IT WILL
244
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BE EASIER TO BREAK.
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>> SWITCH THE BOARD.
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DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
247
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ESSENTI
248
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SENSEI I CAN BEAT THIS GUY.
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>> I DON'T WANT YOU TO BEAT HIM.
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I WANT HIM OUT OF COMMISSION.
251
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>> JUST SWITCH THE BOARD.
252
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>> THE COBRA KAI USED A PRECUT
253
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BOARD.
254
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,670
>> IF JOSH CAN BREAK HIS BOARD
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HE WILL BE CHAMPION.
256
00:11:53,400 --> 00:12:06,430
>> THIS IS YOURS TO LOSE.
257
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>> YOU IDIOT.
258
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>> HOLD ON.
259
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NOW I GOT YOU.
260
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>> NO.
261
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IT'S MY HEAD THAT HURTS.
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>> I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO
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DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.
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YOU GET TWO TRIES.
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GOOD LUCK.
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>> WHOO!
267
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>> ALREADY GOT A CHAMPION
268
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STUDENT.
269
00:12:58,733 --> 00:13:00,073
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT JOSH.
270
00:13:00,067 --> 00:13:01,197
>> THANKS BOBBY.
271
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,470
>> ALL RIGHT.
272
00:13:03,467 --> 00:13:12,427
>> LIVE OR DIE CREED.
273
00:13:12,433 --> 00:13:13,133
>> LIVE.
274
00:13:13,133 --> 00:13:15,773
>> IT'S ONLY A BOARD BREAKING
275
00:13:15,767 --> 00:13:16,167
TOURNAMENT.
276
00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:18,397
>> IF YOU'RE GOING TO HONK MY
277
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:27,170
NOSE JUST DO IT.
278
00:13:27,167 --> 00:13:29,597
>> DO YOU THINK NEXT SEASON WILL
279
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,900
HAVE A BIG ENOUGH BUDGET TO GO
280
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:42,230
TO OKINAWA SO I CAN LEARN THE
281
00:13:42,233 --> 00:13:43,133
>> HE'S RECORDING.
282
00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:44,433
HE TELLS YOU TO DANCE.
283
00:13:44,433 --> 00:13:45,503
>> NO.
284
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:46,100
>> ME FIGHT.
285
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:48,130
>> OH.
286
00:13:48,133 --> 00:13:49,533
>> OH.
287
00:13:49,533 --> 00:13:52,373
HE'S GOT IT.
288
00:13:52,367 --> 00:13:52,967
>> ALL RIGHT.
289
00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:54,527
WHEN YOU'RE DONE, TELL ME.
290
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:55,403
>> ALL RIGHT.
291
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:56,170
I'VE GOT IT.
292
00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:57,497
>> YOUR TURN.
293
00:13:57,500 --> 00:14:00,100
KILL HIM.
294
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:06,970
>> OOO.
295
00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:08,927
ALWAYS BET ON BLACK.
296
00:14:08,933 --> 00:14:10,703
ISN'T IT REFRESHING WHEN
297
00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:11,670
STEREOTYPES ARE CONFIRMED.
298
00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:14,597
THAT VIDEO REMINDS OF TRADITION
299
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,930
AT TOSH.0 WHEN SOMEONE PITCHES A
300
00:14:17,933 --> 00:14:19,433
JOKE I DON'T LIKE THEY HAVE TO
301
00:14:19,433 --> 00:14:22,673
GET ON THE TABLE AND DANCE THEIR
302
00:14:22,667 --> 00:14:25,397
HEART OUT FOR ONE-MINUTE.
303
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:29,070
HE APPEARS TO HAVE SCOLIOSIS OR
304
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:29,397
RICKETS.
305
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:29,870
POSSIBLY BOTH.
306
00:14:29,867 --> 00:14:35,327
>> WHO WROTE MY GOD RIGHT IN THE
307
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:35,633
HEAD.
308
00:14:35,633 --> 00:14:37,273
>> OH MAN.
309
00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:38,467
IT WAS JUST A JOKE.
310
00:14:38,467 --> 00:14:40,797
>> GET ON THE TABLE.
311
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:56,600
3, 2, 1.
312
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,130
>> I'M SURE YOU ALL AGREE THAT
313
00:14:59,133 --> 00:15:00,073
WAS PAINFUL.
314
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,767
I FELT SO BAD FOR HIM AND HIS
315
00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:03,967
FAMILY THAT I HIRED A NEW WRITER
316
00:15:03,967 --> 00:15:06,397
NAMED CHRIS JUST TO HELP HIM TO
317
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,070
GET HIS GROOVE BACK.
318
00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:08,367
>> NO.
319
00:15:08,367 --> 00:15:10,097
I'M SORRY YOU KNOW THE RULES.
320
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:36,800
>> YOU'RE NOT FUNNY.
321
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:37,700
*
322
00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:38,070
*
323
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:45,867
*
324
00:15:45,867 --> 00:15:48,267
>> THANKS FOR HELPING OUT CHRIS
325
00:15:48,267 --> 00:15:48,627
BROWN.
326
00:15:48,633 --> 00:15:51,533
I HAVE AN ALL NEW RESPECT FOR
327
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:52,933
HIS DANCING.
328
00:15:52,933 --> 00:15:54,633
HAVE YOU SEEN THAT PICTURE OF
329
00:15:54,633 --> 00:15:57,933
HIM ONLINE.
330
00:15:57,933 --> 00:15:58,703
MAGNIFICENT.
331
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:02,270
NOW IT'S TIME FOR TWIT AND BY.
332
00:16:02,267 --> 00:16:07,767
I HELPED YOU FANS TO WRITE TO
333
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:08,867
ERIN ANDREWS.
334
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:13,227
I KNOW YOU'RE IN THE METROSEXUAL
335
00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:13,603
MEDIANS.
336
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,470
FIRST OFF I WANT TO APOLOGIZE.
337
00:16:16,467 --> 00:16:18,527
YOUR BEAUTY SHOULD HAVE WON
338
00:16:18,533 --> 00:16:19,633
DANCING WITH THE STARS.
339
00:16:19,633 --> 00:16:22,133
YOU WERE A GREAT REPORTER, AND I
340
00:16:22,133 --> 00:16:24,873
APPRECIATE ALL THE WORK YOU DO
341
00:16:24,867 --> 00:16:28,167
FOR ESPN.
342
00:16:28,167 --> 00:16:31,927
>> AND I'LL BUY ALL THE PINK
343
00:16:31,933 --> 00:16:33,073
MOUNTAIN DEW TO DROWN KENNY
344
00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:33,367
MANE.
345
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:37,427
>> YOUR ALABASTER SKIN IS ONLY
346
00:16:37,433 --> 00:16:39,773
HEIGHTENED BY YOUR HAIR.
347
00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:41,597
I WANT TO EXPRESS MY SEXUAL
348
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,570
DESIRES FOR YOU.
349
00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:45,697
>> ME LIKE.
350
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,070
LET'S GET MARRIED.
351
00:16:47,067 --> 00:16:49,897
I'LL TAKE YOUR LAST NAME.
352
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:55,600
I FEEL I'D BE THE WOMAN IN THE
353
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:56,770
RELATIONSHIP ANYWAYS.
354
00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:59,067
>> I CLAIM YOU.
355
00:16:59,067 --> 00:17:03,067
LET ME GAIS INTO THE PEEPHOLE IN
356
00:17:03,067 --> 00:17:03,897
YOUR SOUL.
357
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:06,070
AND THEN WE'LL MEET ON THE HIGH
358
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:08,797
MOUNTAIN FOR SEXUAL COMBAT.
359
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,900
NOW THAT IT'S JUST A FLARUP BUT
360
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:12,970
IT'S GONE NOW.
361
00:17:12,967 --> 00:17:15,497
>> LOVE YOU BABE.
362
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:17,230
>> DO YOU HAVE ANY GAY FRIENDS.
363
00:17:17,233 --> 00:17:20,573
>> PPS.
364
00:17:20,567 --> 00:17:25,467
PURPLE PENIS PUMPERNICKEL.
365
00:17:25,467 --> 00:17:26,867
>> ALL RIGHT.
366
00:17:26,867 --> 00:17:29,767
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT IS THE
367
00:17:29,767 --> 00:17:33,667
LAST TIME WE'LL DO TWIT AND BY.
368
00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:36,427
THAT REALLY GOT OUT OF HAND
369
00:17:36,433 --> 00:17:37,803
ONLINE.
370
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:41,700
I SERIOUSLY APOLOGIZE TO ERIN.
371
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:51,470
>> CALL ME.
372
00:17:51,467 --> 00:17:53,727
>> OH MISTER.
373
00:17:53,733 --> 00:17:57,203
THANK YOU.
374
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:58,270
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS.
375
00:17:58,267 --> 00:18:02,097
YOU WANT A SIDE OF TAMPONS WITH
376
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:02,500
THAT.
377
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,970
>> YOU GOT A VAGINA.
378
00:18:04,967 --> 00:18:08,867
>> CAN WE GET A HARD BOOK
379
00:18:08,867 --> 00:18:11,267
EDITION OF THIS WHILE HE EATS
380
00:18:11,267 --> 00:18:12,597
HIS SIDE OF CELERY.
381
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,800
>> I LIKE CELERY.
382
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:19,730
>> LIKE COME HERE.
383
00:18:19,733 --> 00:18:21,333
COME HERE.
384
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:48,103
>> MMMM.
385
00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:52,700
YOU GUYS GOT ME GOOD.
386
00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:56,270
>> IT SHOULD COME AS NO SURPRISE
387
00:18:56,267 --> 00:18:58,797
I TOO LOVE CELERY, AND MAKING
388
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,070
OUT WITH MY BROS.
389
00:19:01,067 --> 00:19:09,297
WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE OF THE
390
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:13,230
>> WELCOME BACK SINNERS.
391
00:19:13,233 --> 00:19:15,173
I'M GOING ON A LITTLE VACATION
392
00:19:15,167 --> 00:19:17,067
FROM MY PROBLEMS.
393
00:19:17,067 --> 00:19:18,397
BABY STEPS.
394
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,830
>> I'M A SAILOR.
395
00:19:21,833 --> 00:19:24,533
I DO HAVE AN IMPORTANT
396
00:19:24,533 --> 00:19:25,103
ANNOUNCEMENT.
397
00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:29,230
WE'RE GOING TO BE TAPING A LIVE
398
00:19:29,233 --> 00:19:34,403
SEGMENT ON A COLLEGE CAMPUS.
399
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,730
WHICH ONE.
400
00:19:35,733 --> 00:19:40,633
HOT CHEERLEADERS.
401
00:19:40,633 --> 00:19:43,433
IF YOUR CASE IS STRONG ENOUGH
402
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:50,233
WE'LL FILM TOSH LIVE AT YOUR
403
00:19:50,233 --> 00:19:50,573
CAMPUS.
404
00:19:50,567 --> 00:19:53,397
NOW BE SURE YOU FOLLOW ME ON
405
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:57,430
TWITTER, AND HAPPY THOUGHTS IS
406
00:19:57,433 --> 00:20:00,803
AVAILABLE ONLINE, AND IN STORES.
407
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,600
>> COMEDY CENTRAL IS RUNNING OUT
408
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,130
OF PEOPLE TO ROAST.
409
00:20:06,133 --> 00:20:09,433
>> THEY ROASTED ME ONCE.
410
00:20:09,433 --> 00:20:12,773
>> BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T AIR IT
411
00:20:12,767 --> 00:20:16,727
BECAUSE NO ONE COULD SAY A BAD
412
00:20:16,733 --> 00:20:17,903
THING ABOUT ME.
413
00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:20,900
>> MICHAEL JORDAN IS THE DANIEL
414
00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:22,030
TOSH OF BASKETBALL.
415
00:20:22,033 --> 00:20:23,433
>> THAT'S TRUE.
416
00:20:23,433 --> 00:20:24,273
>> TRUE.
417
00:20:24,267 --> 00:20:26,567
>> I WOULD PULL THE PLUG ON MY
418
00:20:26,567 --> 00:20:28,867
DYING MOTHER IF DANIEL NEEDED TO
419
00:20:28,867 --> 00:20:30,367
CHARGE HIS CELL PHONE.
420
00:20:30,367 --> 00:20:32,767
>> A LOT OF THE PEOPLE THINK
421
00:20:32,767 --> 00:20:34,797
DANIEL IS GAY.
422
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:39,600
THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S INSANELY
423
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,530
GOOD-LOOKING.
424
00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:43,203
>> IT'S PRETTY BIG.
425
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,530
>> HE KNOWS.
426
00:20:44,533 --> 00:20:47,273
>> DANIEL TOSH IS A KING AMONG
427
00:20:47,267 --> 00:20:49,167
MEN, AND WE ALL LOVE HIM.
428
00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:50,627
>> GO EASY.
429
00:20:50,633 --> 00:20:51,973
>> THERE'S ABSOLUTELY WRONG WITH
430
00:20:51,967 --> 00:20:53,097
THIS GUY.
431
00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:54,400
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS
432
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:54,670
GUY.
433
00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:55,367
>> THANK YOU.
434
00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:58,467
>> THANK YOU.
435
00:20:58,467 --> 00:21:01,527
>> I HATE TO SEE YOU GO BUT I
436
00:21:01,533 --> 00:21:04,773
WATCH TO SEE YOU LEAVE.
437
00:21:04,767 --> 00:21:18,297
>> NO MORE CALLERS.
438
00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:19,970
I'M GOING TO TRY TO HELP YOU OUT
439
00:21:19,967 --> 00:21:21,197
WITH THAT.
440
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,900
>> NOW YOU GOT IT.
441
00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:41,830
SEE THAT RIGHT THERE?
26845
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