Original subtitles

>> TOSH.0 IS INTENDED FOR A

MATURE AUDIENCE.

ENJOY!

[CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

>> AH.

THAT GUY CAME OUT OF NOWHERE.

WELCOME TO "TOSH.0."

AS MOST OF YOU KNOW, I HAVE A

COLD.

SO THIS WEEK, I WILL BE RELYING

HEAVILY ON THE CLIPS TO PROVIDE

THE COMEDY, AS OPPOSED TO MY

NORMAL WITTY WORD PLAY.

[LAUGHTER]

TONIGHT ON THE SHOW, I DRY THE

CRYING WRESTLING FAN'S TEARS.

I SIT DOWN WITH OPRAH WINFREY

FOR THE HARDEST HITTING

INTERVIEW OF MY CAREER.

AND I SHOW YOU ANOTHER EPISODE

OF TODD GLASS' AWFUL PRANK SHOW.

DON'T CHANGE THE CHANNEL,

PLEASE.

ALRIGHT, LET'S JUMP BACK TO THAT

VIDEO.

[LAUGHTER]

WHY WON'T YOU JUST SHOW ME THE

CARFAX?

[LAUGHTER]

IF YOU WANT THAT TO WORK, YOU

GOTTA WEAR NIKES.

AND BE 6'6" AND USE CGI.

[LAUGHTER]

BRANDY IS NOT GETTING BETTER AT

DRIVING.

[LAUGHTER]

ALRIGHT, IT'S TIME TO GET IN

SHAPE.

IS HE DOING DECLINE NUT THRUSTS?

TWO SETS OF TEN AND YOU ARE

RUINED FOR A WEEK.

[LAUGHTER]

FOR 29.99 I'LL USE THE EQUIPMENT

ANY DAMN WAY I WANT.

[LAUGHTER]

I SEE THAT GUY IN THE GYM ALL

THE TIME.

>> PERFECT FORM, RANDY!

ALL RIGHT.

WORK THROUGH THE BURN.

NOT TO THE BURN.

>> THAT GUY HAS NO 2:30 FEELING

EVER.

[LAUGHTER]

I'VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I'LL SAY

IT AGAIN, THERE IS NOTHING GOOD

ABOUT BEING A WOMAN.

[LAUGHTER]

AWW, THAT THING'S GONNA PERFORM

IT'S OWN C-SECTION.

[LAUGHTER]

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE HAVING?

YEA, I THINK IT'S A DOLPHIN.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE OF THAT

WOMB?

SOME DECLINE NUT THRUSTS?

[LAUGHTER]

THAT BABY'S BODY IS 90% CORE.

[LAUGHTER]

THIS NEXT CLIP IS DRY CLEAN

ONLY.

ALRIGHT, KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE

THEATRICS, YOU GOT THE WRINKLES

OUT FIVE MINUTES AGO.

[LAUGHTER]

EVERYONE IN THAT COUNTRY IS THE

JET LI OF THEIR JOB.

[LAUGHTER]

SEE LADIES, WE CAN EVEN IRON

BETTER.

WE JUST LET YOU DO IT SO YOU

FEEL EMPOWERED.

REMEMBER KIDS, HAD HE WORN HIS

HELMET, THIS NEXT VIDEO WOULDN'T

EVEN BE ON OUR SHOW.

[LAUGHTER]

STICK TO WHAT YOU'RE GOOD AT,

BRAZILIANS.

SOCCER AND WAXING TAINTS.

[LAUGHTER]

GREAT, NOW HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO

STEAL ANOTHER BIKE.

[LAUGHTER]

HEY, MAYBE BMX'ING ISN'T YOUR

TICKET OUT OF THIS

POVERTY-STRICKEN HELLHOLE.

I'M MEAN.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT'S NEXT?

>> LOOK!

>> OH.

>> I PRAY FOR YOU, BROTHER.

PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF.

THIS IS STUPID.

I PRAY FOR YOU, BROTHER.

PLEASE BE SAFE.

>> I NEVER KNEW IT WAS SUNNY IN

BAD NEIGHBORHOODS.

[LAUGHTER]

THERE'S ALWAYS THAT ONE GANG

MEMBER IN A WHEELCHAIR AND THIS

IS WHY.

LET'S SEE HOW TRICKLE DOWN

ECONOMICS WORKED OUT IN THIS

WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.

[CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

WELCOME TO COMPTON, WHERE

AMAZING HAPPENS.

I ASSUME HE'S UP THERE BECAUSE

HE LOST HIS AROBIE.

>> FELL 40, 50 FEET IN THE AIR.

>> 50 FEET IN THE AIR?

I'M NOT SURE HIS MATH IS CORRECT

ON THAT.

LET'S JUST CALL IT TOO HIGH TO

JUMP.

THE MOST UNBELIEVABLE PART OF

THIS IS THAT POOKIE HAS DIRECTV.

[LAUGHTER]

>> DO SOME BACKWARDS FLIPS IN

THE AIR.

>> DID HE JUST SAY A "BACKWARDS

FLIP UP IN THE AIR?"

SOMEBODY'S BEEN STUDYING COLOR

COMMENTARY AT THE MAGIC JOHNSON

INSTITUTE.

LAUGH

>> I PRAY FOR YOU, BROTHER.

PLEASE, BE SAFE.

>> OH, HE'S CONCERNED ENOUGH TO

PRAY, BUT NOT ENOUGH TO PUT THE

CAMERA DOWN AND CALL FOR HELP.

DOESN'T MATTER, THE POLICE DON'T

RESPOND IN THAT NEIGHBORHOOD

UNLESS IT REQUIRES EXCESSIVE

FORCE.

[LAUGHTER]

THIS IS EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE!

YOU CANNOT GET THIS ON B.E.T.

THIS IS REAL BLACK

ENTERTAINMENT.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU'RE TELLING ME THE GAME IS

BETTER THAN THIS?

NO WAY.

THAT GUY IS ABOUT TO FLIP OFF A

GODDAMN ROOF.

[LAUGHTER]

DOES SUICIDE COUNT AS

BLACK-ON-BLACK CRIME?

IF ONLY SANDRA BULLOCK HAD

ADOPTED HIM BEFORE IT CAME TO

THIS.

[LAUGHTER]

CITY POOLS ARE SHALLOW.

[LAUGHTER]

LOOK AT HIM TAKE THAT BATMAN

POSE.

[LAUGHTER]

HE IS THE DARKEST KNIGHT.

[LAUGHTER]

HIS BODY IS STILL ADJUSTING TO

THE FACT ALL HIS ORGANS ARE IN

HIS SHOES.

[LAUGHTER]

NO, I THINK HE'S FINE.

HE HAD THAT PIMP LIMP BEFORE HE

JUMPED.

[LAUGHTER]

I'M JUST GLAD THE FREE CLINIC IN

THAT NEIGHBORHOOD IS IN HOBBLING

DISTANCE, AND FOR THAT, WE THANK

YOU.

[CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE

CRYING WRESTLING FAN, BUT FIRST

SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING.

>> GET YOUR HAND VERY WET.

GET THIS VERY WET.

AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO START

GENTLY PINCHING AND PULLING.

THIS IS A VERY SLOW PROCESS.

YOU WANT TO DO IT GRADUALLY.

YOU WANT TO DO IT FROM ALL

ANGLES.

KEEP IT REALLY WET.

KEEP IT LUBRICATED.

IF YOU GET FRICTION, YOU MIGHT

PULL A PIECE OFF.

INEVITABLY THAT WILL HAPPEN THE

FIRST TIME.

>> NEXT QUESTION, JEFF.

WHERE ARE YOU?

RIGHT THERE.

>> YEAH.

I JUST WANT TO THANK EACH AND

EVERY ONE OF YA'LL FOR ALL

YOU'VE DONE.

IT'S STILL RUINING ME, DAMMIT.

THANK YOU, GUYS.

YOU'RE AWESOME.

>> ALRIGHT, WRAP IT UP, CRY

BABY.

THE JV VOLLEYBALL TEAM NEEDS TO

USE THAT GYM.

[LAUGHTER]

MEET DAVE, THE CRYING WRESTLING

FAN.

YOU GOTTA RESPECT HIS PASSION.

GIRLS LOVE A MAN WITH

SENSITIVITY.

THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO BANG A

CHUBBY ONE IN A TIGHT T-SHIRT.

[LAUGHTER]

AND IF YOU THINK WRESTLING IS

FAKE, WHY DON'T YOU DIG UP OWEN

HART AND TELL HIM?

EVEN IF IT IS FAKE, WHO CARES?

SO ARE HOLLYWOOD AND TACO BELL

MEAT, BUT I STILL LET THEM WRECK

MY B-HOLE ALL THE TIME.

RASSLIN' IS LIKE BROADWAY FOR

HILLBILLIES.

IT'S THE THIRD FAVORITE WHITE

TRASH PASTIME BEHIND INCEST AND

NASCAR.

[LAUGHTER]

PROBABLY BECAUSE IT'S THE LAST

SPORT WHERE HONKIES DOMINATE!

WRESTLING'S A BILLION DOLLAR

INDUSTRY.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY REDNECKS IT

TAKES TO GET TO A BILLION

DOLLARS?

MORE THAN A BILLION.

[LAUGHTER]

PLUS, IT'S THE ONE SPORT THAT

STILL ALLOWS PEOPLE TO ROID

THEIR [BLEEP] OFF.

THE ONLY TIME THERE'S A

PERFORMANCE ENHANCEMENT SCANDAL

IS WHEN THERE ISN'T ENOUGH JUICE

TO GO AROUND.

SORRY, NATURE BOY.

WOOOH!

WRESTLING IS THE GAYEST THING

THAT ONLY STRAIGHT PEOPLE LIKE.

IT'S BASICALLY A BIG, SWEATY

GANG BANG OF FAILED ATHLETES.

[LAUGHTER]

I MISS THE GOOD OLD DAYS, BACK

WHEN IT WAS STILL CALLED THE WWF

AND THE WORLD WILDLIFE

FOUNDATION COULD GO SCREW

ITSELF.

[LAUGHTER]

IT WAS A TIME WHEN GODS LIKE MY

FAVORITE HAIRDRESSER.

BRUTUS THE BARBER BEEFCAKE RULED

THE SQUARED CIRCLE.

A TIME WHEN MR. FUJI WASN'T

CONSIDERED A RACIST ASIAN

STEREOTYPE.

[LAUGHTER]

WHEN BOBBY THE BRAIN HEENAN WAS

OFFICIALLY THE SMARTEST MAN ON

PLANET EARTH.

THOSE HEROES ARE WORTH CRYING

ABOUT.

THAT'S WHY WE BOUNCED DAVE OFF

THE ROPES AND INTO TOSH-O-MANIA

FOR THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.

[APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER]

>> HOW ARE YOU, DAVE?

>> CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE

FROM?

>> YES, DANIEL.

>> PLEASE, CALL ME THE ULTIMATE

WARRIOR!

>> UM, I'M FROM ATLANTA,

GEORGIA.

YOU KNOW WHERE I'M FROM?

PARTS UNKNOWN.

>> PARTS UNKNOWN!

[LAUGHTER]

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?

>> I'M AN AREA MANAGER WITH A

FACILITIES COMPANY.

>> MAN!

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

>> STUFF LIKE MAINTENANCE,

JANITORIAL ACCOUNTS, STUFF LIKE

THAT.

>> DO ANY OF YOUR EMPLOYERS DO

THAT TO YOU?

>> I'VE HAD A FEW BRING IT TO MY

ATTENTION.

>> WHAT DO THEY SAY?

>> YOU THINK ARN ANDER SON IS A

PUSSY?

>> NO, I DON'T.

>> I'D LIKE TO GET A FEW MINUTES

IN THE RING WITH HIM.

>> ARN, YOU'RE WATCHING.

>> WHAT WERE YOU ATTENDING?

>> I WAS ATTENDING SOMETHING

CALLED THE TRIBUTE TO STARCADE

IN SPARTANBURG, SOUTH CAROLINA.

>> HOW DID YOU GET GOOD SEATS?

>> I WALKED IN THERE AND BOUGHT

A TICKET?

>> WHERE WAS IT AT?

>> IN SPARTANBURG IN A COLISEUM.

>> THAT WAS A COLISEUM?

>> YES.

>> THAT LOOKED LIKE A MIDDLE

SCHOOL.

>> WAS THERE HUNDREDS OR 50?

>> OBVIOUSLY IT DIDN'T DO TOO

WELL.

>> IS BROOK HOGAN A MAN?

>> I HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OF THAT.

>> I SPOT THE SUN AGAINST THE

ENERGY!

OH, YEAH!

OH, OH, YEAH.

OH!

>> WHY DID YOU GET SO EMOTIONAL?

>> IT WAS JUST AN EMOTIONAL

TIME.

I GOT TO MEET SOME OF MY

FAVORITE WRESTLERS AND IT GOT

CAUGHT UP WITH ME.

>> DID YOU EVER MASTURBATE TO

MISS ELIZABETH?

>> NEVER.

NOT AT ALL.

>> SHE DIED.

DRUG OVERDOSE.

WHAT WERE SOME OF THE RUMORS

THAT YOU READ ABOUT YOURSELF?

>> THAT I WAS SITTING IN MY

MOMMA'S BASEMENT EATING CHEETOS

IN MY UNDERWEAR, WHICH IS NOT

TRUE BECAUSE MOM AND DAD NEVER

HAD A BASEMENT AND I'M NOT BIG

INTO CHEETOS.

>> YOU DON'T LIKE CHEETOS?

>> DORITOS?

>> DORITOS IS GOOD.

>> DO YOU KNOW WHETHER WRESTLING

IS FAKE?

>> THEY MAKE A GREAT SACRIFICE

TO THEIR BODIES.

>> DO YOU KNOW HOW TO REVERSE

THE FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK?

>> YES, I DO.

>> LET ME DO IT.

>> YOU KNOW HOW TO PUT IT ON?

>> LET ME PUT IT ON.

>> ARGH!

YOU GROWING TO REVERSE IT?

OH, HA, HA.

ALL RIGHT, DAVE, I'M A HUGE

WRESTLING FAN.

UNLIKE YOU, I'M RICH AND I NEED

A TAX SHELTER.

I CREATED A CHARITY IN YOUR NAME

TO HONOR PAST WRESTLING GREATS.

**

WE ARE BACK STAGE LIVE AT TOSH'S

PIT.

WITH ME IS THE CRYING WRESTLING

FAN, DAVE.

DAVE, THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW,

ARE YOU READY TO AWARD THE FIRST

EVER RECIPIENT OF THE BRONZE

SINGLET?

>> YES, I AM.

>> ARE YOU READY TO DO IT

WITHOUT SOBBING LIKE A HUGE

BABY?

>> YES, I AM.

>> ALL RIGHT.

TAKE IT AWAY, DAVE.

WITH HIS PURPLE OUTFIT, COCO

BEWARE WAS IN WRESTLING OVER A

DECADE.

IT'S AN HONOR TO HONOR HIM WITH

THE BRONZE SINGLET CHARITY

AWARD.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, COCO

BEWARE?

>> OH, YEAH.

THE BIRD MAN IS FLYING HIGH.

WHAT'S GOING ON, BROTHER?

>> IT'S MY PLEASURE TO PRESENT

TO YOU WITH THE BRONZE SINGLET

CHARITY AWARD.

>> OH, MY GOD!

THANK YOU.

>> COCO, ON A PERSONAL NOTE --

>> IT'S STILL RUINING ME,

DAMMIT.

>> I KNOW THAT LAUGH.

THAT'S THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN.

>> WHAT AM I DOING HERE, COCO

MAN!

>> I HERE TO CLAIM MY AWARD.

>> THIS IS MINE.

>> MY TROPHY.

>> NO.

MINE.

>> OH!

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF I CAN'T HAVE IT, NOBODY GETS

IT.

NOBODY GETS IT.

>> OH, THIS IS MEAN GENE.

THIS LOOKS LIKE IT'S SPILLING

OVER INTO THE RING.

MILLION DOLLAR MAN IS HAVING TO

SORT INTO THIS TRANSACTION.

LOOKS LIKE DANIEL TOSH WANTS IN

ON THE ACTION.

OH, MY GOODNESS!

SERGEANT SLAUGHTER CLOTHESLINES

THEM.

SERGEANT SLAUGHTER SLAPS DAVE

WITH THE COBRA CLUTCH.

DANIEL SNEAKS BACK INTO THE RING

WITH THE BRONZE SINGLET AWARD.

HE'S GOING TO RETURN IT TO ITS

RIGHTFUL OWNER.

FINALLY, JUSTICE.

>> THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY IN

MY LIFE.

IT'S REAL TO ME.

REAL TO ME, TOO.

[APPLAUSE]

>> I CANNOT BELIEVE THE MILLION

DOLLAR MAN DIDN'T BRING VIRGIL.

[LAUGHTER]

THE ECONOMY IS HITTING EVERYONE

PRETTY HARD.

[LAUGHTER]

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, BUT FIRST,

THIS IS WHY I MAKE MY GIRLFRIEND

PUMP.

[APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUSE]

>> FOR YEARS OPRAH AND I HAVE

BEEN GIRLFRIENDS, BUT RECENTLY

SHE BEGGED ME FOR A FORMAL

SIT-DOWN INTERVIEW.

I CAN'T SAY NO TO THAT BITCH.

[LAUGHTER]

>> THANKS FOR DOING THIS TODAY.

>> OPRAH, SINCE IT'S YOUR LAST

SEASON, I THOUGHT WHY NOT THROW

YOU A BONE.

[LAUGHTER]

>> I THINK YOU LOOK BETTER THAN

EVER.

>> THANK YOU, OPRAH.

YOU LOOK GREAT.

>> SO LET'S TALK ABOUT THE

INFAMOUS SEX TAPE.

FIRST OF ALL, WHY DID YOU ALL

DECIDE TO PUT YOURSELF ON TAPE?

>> OKAY.

I DOCUMENT EVERY SINGLE TIME I

HAVE SEX.

THAT'S JUST FOR THE LIBRARY.

>> AND I ALSO UNDERSTAND NOW

THAT JOHN MAYER, YOUR FORMER

BOYFRIEND.

>> OKAY.

THAT'S A LIE.

I SUCK HIS [BLEEP].

THAT'S IT.

WE'RE FRIENDS.

YES, HE WROTE THE SONG "YOUR

BODY IS A WONDERLAND" ABOUT MY

BODY.

>> I HAVE TO ASK YOU THIS, SO

MANY MOTHERS IN MY AUDIENCE HAVE

SAID TO PLEASE ASK YOU THIS

QUESTION.

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GRAB YOUR

CROTCH?

>> IT'S OUR SPECIAL LITTLE SIGN

TO MY FOUR-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER.

EVERY TIME I TUG ON MY CROTCH,

SHE KNOWS THAT DADDY WILL BE

HOME LATER.

>> WHEN DID YOU FIRST START USE

SOMETHING.

>> DURING MY RAVE DAYS IN

FLORIDA.

ECSTASY AND CUBAN MEN WERE THE

BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE.

>> HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU

REALIZED?

>> PART OF ME HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN.

GUESS WHICH PART?

MY WIENER.

>> THE WORST PART ABOUT BEING ON

OPRAH, I HAD TO GO HOME IN MY

FREE KIA!

[LAUGHTER]

BY THE WAY, WAS I BEING

INTERVIEWED BY FAT OPRAH OR

SKINNY OPRAH?

BECAUSE SKINNY OPRAH ALWAYS

LOOKS VERY SIMILAR TO FAT OPRAH.

ALRIGHT, NOW THE MOMENT TODD

GLASS HAS BEEN WAITING FOR.

YET ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF TODD

GLASS' AWFUL PRANK SHOW.

>> IT'S REALLY BAD!

>> HOW ARE YOU DOING?

>> I LOST A LITTLE PUPPY.

YOU DIDN'T SEE IT, DID YOU?

YOU MIND HELPING ME FIND IT?

THANKS A LOT.

I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

NERVOUS.

PROBABLY HUNGRY BY NOW.

PUT YOUR SEAT BELT ON, ALL

RIGHT?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

>> ANDREW.

>> ANDREW?

YOU REALLY THINK I HAVE A

[BLEEP] PUPPY?

DO YOU?

YOU THINK A GROWN MAN MY AGE

JUST LOSES A PUPPY?

YOU ARE ON MY NEW PRANK SHOW.

IT'S NO [BLEEP] PUPPY.

I DON'T MAKE BAD DECISIONS.

YOU KNOW WHO MAKES BAD

DECISIONS?

YOU.

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE IN A BAND WITH

A GROWN ADULT.

YOU ARE STUPID!

EXCUSE ME, BUT HAVE YOU SEEN MY

PUPPY?

DO I REALLY LOVE MY -- FIRST OF

ALL, I'M ALLERGIC TO DOGS.

WHY WOULD I HAVE A PUPPY WHEN

[BLEEP].

THIS GETS STUPID AND STUPIDER.

SIT HOME AND PLAY YOUR DUMB

VIDEO GAME AND GET IN BED WITH

STRANGERS.

>> CAN I GO HOME NOW?

>> YEAH, LIKE I'M GOING TO LET

YOU OUT OF MY VAN.

YOU [BLEEP] IDIOT.

[APPLAUSE]

>> TODD MENTIONED TO ME THAT HE

REALLY DOESN'T APPRECIATE THE

NEGATIVE FEEDBACK ON TWITTER AS

MUCH AS I DO, SO PLEASE BE VERY

RESPECTFUL OF HIS FEELINGS.

[LAUGHTER]

AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT,

WHEN I MAKE FUN OF CELEBRITIES,

COULD YOU PLEASE QUIT RUNNING ON

TWITTER TO LET THEM KNOW, YOU

[BLEEP] LITTLE TATTLE-TALES.

[LAUGHTER]

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE

"THE CHRIS WYLDE SHOW" WITH

CHRIS WYLDE.

[APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUSE]

>> WELCOME BACK.

IT'S TIME FOR THE UNFORTUNATE

DOMAIN NAME OF THE WEEK, WHICH

IS RIM.JOBS.

[LAUGHTER]

YEP.

THIS IS A SITE WHERE YOU APPLY

FOR A JOB AT RIM, THE COMPANY

THAT MAKES BLACKBERRIES.

BLACKBERRIES ARE THE THINGS OLD

PEOPLE USE BECAUSE TYPING ON

IPHONES IS SCARY.

[LAUGHTER]

APPARENTLY TO GET A RIM JOB,

YOU'VE GOT TO FRENCH KISS A LOT

OF ASS.

[LAUGHTER]

BY THE WAY, IF YOU GO TO THE

COMMISSARY, I HEAR THEY HAVE

GREAT TOSSED SALAD.

[LAUGHTER]

ALRIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.

NEXT WEEK, THE HURDLE GIRLS STOP

BY FOR OUR FIRST EVER WEB

REMATCH.

[LAUGHTER]

I ASSUME THAT WAS THE OLYMPICS.

[LAUGHTER]

ALRIGHT, NOW IT'S TIME FOR

COMEDY CENTRAL'S FAVORITE PART

OF THE SHOW.

THE PLUGS.

MY NEW STAND-UP SPECIAL "HAPPY

THOUGHTS" PREMIERES MARCH 6TH.

BE SURE YOU FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER

SO WE CAN LIVE CHAT DURING THE

SHOWS.

AND KEEP UP WITH OUR DAILY BLOG

OVER AT TOSH.COMEDYCENTRAL.COM

AND FEEL FREE TO SUBMIT YOUR OWN

VIDEOS.

AND FINALLY, LAST WEEK I ASKED

MY SEXIEST TWITTER FOLLOWERS TO

SEND ME VIDEOS OF THEM BURPING.

I DON'T KNOW WHY WE'RE DOING

THIS, BUT WE DO HAVE 30 EPISODES

TO FILL THIS YEAR, SO SUCK IT.

[LAUGHTER]

[BURPING]

[BURPING]

[BURPING]

>> BYE-BYE!

[APPLAUSE]