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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,967 --> 00:00:16,367 >> TOSH.0 FEATURES VIDEO FROM 2 00:00:16,367 --> 00:00:21,867 THE INTERNET AND IS FOR MATURE 3 00:00:21,867 --> 00:00:22,227 AUDIENCES. 4 00:00:22,233 --> 00:00:23,533 ENJOY! 5 00:00:28,233 --> 00:00:39,433 [CHEERS & APPLAUSE] 6 00:00:39,433 --> 00:00:40,373 >> THAT BALL RETURN IS 7 00:00:40,367 --> 00:00:42,627 DANGEROUS. 8 00:00:42,633 --> 00:00:44,303 WELCOME TO TOSH.0. 9 00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:45,970 IF I'M IN YOUR TOP-FIVE 10 00:00:45,967 --> 00:00:47,527 CELEBRITY SEX LIST, AND YOU GET 11 00:00:47,533 --> 00:00:48,833 IT NOTARIZED, I WILL BANG YOU. 12 00:00:48,833 --> 00:00:51,203 [LAUGHTER] 13 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:52,200 TONIGHT ON THE SHOW THE NATIONAL 14 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:53,130 ANTHEM GIRL GETS A WEB 15 00:00:53,133 --> 00:00:53,903 REDEMPTION. 16 00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:55,470 WE PLAY "IS IT RACIST?" 17 00:00:55,467 --> 00:00:56,197 AND I TELL YOU WHO IS GOING TO 18 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,330 WIN THE SUPER BOWL. 19 00:00:57,333 --> 00:00:59,033 THE HEAT. 20 00:00:59,033 --> 00:01:03,573 [LAUGHTER] 21 00:01:03,567 --> 00:01:04,267 ALRIGHT, LET'S SEE IF HE CAN 22 00:01:04,267 --> 00:01:04,797 PICK UP THE SPLIT. 23 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,300 NICE SPORTS BRA. 24 00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,330 HOW DO YOU SCORE THAT? 25 00:01:07,333 --> 00:01:09,173 [LAUGHTER] 26 00:01:09,167 --> 00:01:09,927 SO THIS IS WHAT CHUBBY PEOPLE DO 27 00:01:09,933 --> 00:01:10,673 WHILE WE'RE OUT ON DATES WITH 28 00:01:10,667 --> 00:01:11,527 WOMEN. 29 00:01:11,533 --> 00:01:12,273 CAN YOU IMAGINE IF THEY WOULD 30 00:01:12,267 --> 00:01:13,097 [LAUGHTER] 31 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:14,070 HAVE ROLLED A BALL OFF 32 00:01:14,067 --> 00:01:19,367 DRESTRUKA? 33 00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:29,933 [LAUGHTER] 34 00:01:29,933 --> 00:01:32,703 [APPLAUSE] 35 00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:37,270 STILL A LITTLE SORE. 36 00:01:37,267 --> 00:01:38,067 HEY DANE, I FOUND THE PERFECT 37 00:01:38,067 --> 00:01:41,167 GIRL FOR YOU. 38 00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:52,197 >> GOOD JOB. 39 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:52,700 LET'S KEEP MOVING. 40 00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:53,470 WE'RE GOING TO LUNGE TO THE SIDE 41 00:01:53,467 --> 00:01:53,797 FOR ONE. 42 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:54,170 [LAUGHTER] 43 00:01:54,167 --> 00:01:54,797 >> ONE, SQUEEZE YOUR ABS. 44 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:55,470 >> A CACKLE A DAY KEEPS THE 45 00:01:55,467 --> 00:01:55,897 CANKLES AWAY. 46 00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:56,600 AS OPPOSED TO CURVES, WHERE 47 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,330 EVERY WOMAN IS CRYING. 48 00:01:58,333 --> 00:02:00,273 [LAUGHTER] 49 00:02:00,267 --> 00:02:02,297 THAT'S WHY SNL FANS ARE SO FAT. 50 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:03,630 [LAUGHTER] 51 00:02:03,633 --> 00:02:04,403 THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL I WANT IN 52 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,100 A GIRLFRIEND. 53 00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:06,970 LAUGH AND SQUAT. 54 00:02:06,967 --> 00:02:08,827 [LAUGHTER] 55 00:02:08,833 --> 00:02:09,573 THERE WAS NO LAUGHING ON KIANA'S 56 00:02:09,567 --> 00:02:11,727 FLEX APPEAL. 57 00:02:11,733 --> 00:02:14,203 HMM. 58 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,200 SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH THE GRIND. 59 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,570 [LAUGHTER] 60 00:02:17,567 --> 00:02:19,727 OUR PIC OF THE WEEK HAS BEEN 61 00:02:19,733 --> 00:02:20,473 PRETTY POPULAR, BUT I'M HAVING 62 00:02:20,467 --> 00:02:21,197 TROUBLE FIGURING OUT WHAT IT IS. 63 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,870 ANY IDEAS? 64 00:02:23,867 --> 00:02:29,427 [LAUGHTER] 65 00:02:29,433 --> 00:02:30,203 IT MIGHT BE THE FIRST UN-BLURRED 66 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:30,900 VAGINA EVER SHOWN ON COMEDY 67 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:34,570 CENTRAL. 68 00:02:34,567 --> 00:02:39,297 ENHANCE. 69 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:42,300 NO. 70 00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:46,330 ACTUALLY, IT'S A VAG-THIGH-NA. 71 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,073 A THATCH. 72 00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:50,097 THAT'S A THIGH SNATCH. 73 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:52,900 OR A THUNT. 74 00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:54,730 [LAUGHTER] 75 00:02:54,733 --> 00:02:55,473 I THINK YOU CAN FIGURE THAT ONE 76 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:56,927 OUT. 77 00:02:56,933 --> 00:02:57,673 IT'S LIKE HER POON LIVES IN A 78 00:02:57,667 --> 00:02:58,827 GATED COMMUNITY. 79 00:02:58,833 --> 00:03:00,173 [LAUGHTER] 80 00:03:00,167 --> 00:03:01,297 HER COOTER HAS A COOTER. 81 00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:02,070 HOW MANY OF THESE JOKES DO YOU 82 00:03:02,067 --> 00:03:02,897 HAVE? 83 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:03,870 MAYBE HER LEG MEAT GOT HUNGRY 84 00:03:03,867 --> 00:03:06,067 AND ATE HER UNDERWEAR. 85 00:03:06,067 --> 00:03:07,327 [LAUGHTER] 86 00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:08,073 PLEASE DO NOT SHOW ME WHAT IS 87 00:03:08,067 --> 00:03:11,097 BEHIND CURTAIN NUMBER ONE. 88 00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:11,830 PARDON ME, MA'AM, I CAN SEE YOUR 89 00:03:11,833 --> 00:03:13,433 THIGH PIE. 90 00:03:13,433 --> 00:03:14,573 [LAUGHTER] 91 00:03:14,567 --> 00:03:16,867 ALRIGHT, ONE MORE. 92 00:03:16,867 --> 00:03:17,567 IF YOU PUT YOUR EAR UP TO IT, 93 00:03:17,567 --> 00:03:18,297 YOU CAN HEAR THE OCEAN, AND IT 94 00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:19,270 REEKS. 95 00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:22,127 [LAUGHTER] 96 00:03:22,133 --> 00:03:27,233 BUS STATIONS ARE RELAXING. 97 00:03:30,633 --> 00:03:34,073 TRUST FALL! 98 00:03:34,067 --> 00:03:34,797 I KNOW IT'S FOREIGN BECAUSE OF 99 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:35,500 HIS SOCKS AND BECAUSE SOMEONE 100 00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:36,600 HELPS HIM. 101 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:37,900 LEAVE HIM. 102 00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:38,600 HE'LL STAND BACK UP WHEN THE 103 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:39,630 DOOR CLOSES. 104 00:03:39,633 --> 00:03:40,873 [LAUGHTER] 105 00:03:40,867 --> 00:03:41,497 THAT'S WHY I TAKE LIMOS 106 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:43,670 EVERYWHERE. 107 00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:44,427 THIS IS HOW THE MOVIE INCEPTION 108 00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:47,473 ENDED. 109 00:03:47,467 --> 00:03:49,697 [LAUGHTER] 110 00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:51,930 THAT MUST BE HIS KICK. 111 00:03:51,933 --> 00:03:53,073 IT'S ONLY GOING TO TAKE THREE 112 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,397 HOURS FOR HIM TO HIT THE GROUND. 113 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:56,170 ALRIGHT. 114 00:03:56,167 --> 00:03:56,767 NOW, SHOW ME A HEAD-ON 115 00:03:56,767 --> 00:04:00,697 COLLISION. 116 00:04:03,833 --> 00:04:04,603 TO BE FAIR, THE SIGN DIDN'T SAY 117 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,530 NOT TO DO THAT. 118 00:04:07,533 --> 00:04:08,273 SIGN OR NOT, I DON'T THINK HE 119 00:04:08,267 --> 00:04:08,897 WAS GOING TO WADDLE MUCH 120 00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:10,630 FURTHER. 121 00:04:10,633 --> 00:04:12,473 [LAUGHTER] 122 00:04:12,467 --> 00:04:13,197 HE DID BURN A FEW CALORIES ON 123 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,570 THE APPROACH. 124 00:04:14,567 --> 00:04:17,567 SHOULD HAVE JUST EATEN IT. 125 00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:20,197 HE IS FAT. 126 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:21,530 [LAUGHTER] 127 00:04:21,533 --> 00:04:23,073 YOU RARELY GET TO SEE A 128 00:04:23,067 --> 00:04:29,497 BESTIALITY FIRST DATE. 129 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:30,270 AND NOW I HAVE TO GET A BIRD FLU 130 00:04:30,267 --> 00:04:30,897 SHOT. 131 00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:34,300 THANKS, ASIA. 132 00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:36,400 THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE GERMS. 133 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:37,130 TRY THAT [BLEEP] WITH A HAWK, 134 00:04:37,133 --> 00:04:38,573 PUSSY. 135 00:04:38,567 --> 00:04:41,967 [LAUGHTER] 136 00:04:41,967 --> 00:04:43,097 SOMETHING TELLS ME WHEN THE 137 00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:44,100 CAMERA'S NOT ROLLING, HE PUTS A 138 00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:48,800 COUPLE WORMS IN HIS B-HOLE. 139 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:49,730 THAT'S TOO FAR FOR HIM. 140 00:04:49,733 --> 00:04:51,673 OKAY. 141 00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:52,397 ACTUALLY, HE'S JUST BEING A GOOD 142 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:53,330 HOST. 143 00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:54,733 I DO THE SAME THING AT MY SUPER 144 00:04:54,733 --> 00:05:00,603 BOWL PARTIES. 145 00:05:03,167 --> 00:05:03,897 THERE'S ALWAYS A BIG FIGHT OVER 146 00:05:03,900 --> 00:05:05,730 WHO GETS TO LICK THE BOWL CLEAN. 147 00:05:05,733 --> 00:05:06,933 THE ONLY THING MORE ANNOYING 148 00:05:06,933 --> 00:05:07,903 THAN A GUY WHO QUOTES LINES FROM 149 00:05:07,900 --> 00:05:09,070 COMEDY MOVIES, IS A GUY WHO 150 00:05:09,067 --> 00:05:09,697 RECREATES ENTIRE SCENES FROM 151 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:17,970 THEM. 152 00:05:22,067 --> 00:05:24,827 HE DID HAVE NEXT. 153 00:05:24,833 --> 00:05:27,433 LET'S TAKE AN IN-DEPTH LOOK AT 154 00:05:27,433 --> 00:05:28,203 THE 100TH NAKED MAN TO APPEAR ON 155 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,370 TOSH.0 IN THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN. 156 00:05:30,367 --> 00:05:34,467 [APPLAUSE] 157 00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:35,427 JUST ANOTHER QUIET NIGHT AT DEL 158 00:05:35,433 --> 00:05:37,673 BOCA VISTA, PHASE 2. 159 00:05:37,667 --> 00:05:38,727 THAT IS, UNTIL TODD WATCHED "OLD 160 00:05:38,733 --> 00:05:40,273 SCHOOL" FOR THE 50TH TIME AND 161 00:05:40,267 --> 00:05:41,397 DECIDED TO GO STREAKING, THE 162 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,170 MOST ACCEPTABLE WAY TO SHOW YOUR 163 00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:44,597 WIENER TO STRANGERS. 164 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:45,370 YOU NEVER SEE BLACK GUYS DOING 165 00:05:45,367 --> 00:05:48,827 IT. 166 00:05:48,833 --> 00:05:49,873 PROBABLY BECAUSE STREAKING IS 167 00:05:49,867 --> 00:05:50,967 SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY, AND 168 00:05:50,967 --> 00:05:52,097 THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT A 169 00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:52,870 BLACK MAN RUNNING NAKED TOWARDS 170 00:05:52,867 --> 00:05:53,527 YOU WITH HIS GIANT SHLONG 171 00:05:53,533 --> 00:05:55,303 BOUNCING AROUND. 172 00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:56,070 IT'S ALWAYS EITHER SCARY OR 173 00:05:56,067 --> 00:05:57,297 EROTIC. 174 00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:59,600 BUT USUALLY SCARY. 175 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,530 [LAUGHTER] 176 00:06:01,533 --> 00:06:02,273 AH, THIS PARTICULAR PERVERT IS A 177 00:06:02,267 --> 00:06:04,197 LITTLE MODEST, SO HE GOES WITH 178 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:05,270 THE ONE-HAND SACK BASKET. 179 00:06:05,267 --> 00:06:05,897 MAYBE HE'S WORRIED ABOUT 180 00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:10,370 DICKLASH. 181 00:06:10,367 --> 00:06:11,667 OOH. 182 00:06:11,667 --> 00:06:15,467 NOT HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE. 183 00:06:15,467 --> 00:06:16,497 EVER SINCE MONICA SELES GOT 184 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:17,130 SHANKED, COURTS HAVE BEEN 185 00:06:17,133 --> 00:06:17,803 PUTTING UP INVISIBLE FORCE 186 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,870 FIELDS. 187 00:06:21,867 --> 00:06:24,527 LUCKILY IT DIDN'T BREAK. 188 00:06:24,533 --> 00:06:25,233 THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN 189 00:06:25,233 --> 00:06:28,803 HAVING TO PICK OUT SHARDS OF 190 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,470 GLASS FROM YOUR SCROTUM. 191 00:06:30,467 --> 00:06:31,597 I SHOULD KNOW, I WAS IN A LITTLE 192 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,070 WEB SHORT CALLED "ONE GUY, ONE 193 00:06:34,067 --> 00:06:34,727 JAR." 194 00:06:34,733 --> 00:06:35,373 DO WE HAVE THAT VIDEO? 195 00:06:35,367 --> 00:06:39,397 I'M TOLD WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO 196 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,730 PLAY THAT. 197 00:06:41,733 --> 00:06:42,833 LISTEN TO HIS BUDDY LAUGH. 198 00:06:42,833 --> 00:06:43,873 SOMEONE NEEDS TO CHECK HIM FOR 199 00:06:43,867 --> 00:06:46,127 TUBERCULOSIS IMMEDIATELY. 200 00:06:46,133 --> 00:06:48,503 [LAUGHTER] 201 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:49,200 AND THEN LIKE A DRUNK, NAKED 202 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,170 BATMAN, THE STREAKER DISAPPEARS 203 00:06:50,167 --> 00:06:50,897 INTO THE NIGHT, LEAVING ONLY A 204 00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:53,330 GREASY MEDIUM-SIZED DONG PRINT 205 00:06:53,333 --> 00:06:54,773 BEHIND, AND FOR THAT WE THANK 206 00:06:54,767 --> 00:06:57,127 YOU. 207 00:06:57,133 --> 00:06:57,833 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE 208 00:06:57,833 --> 00:06:59,303 NATIONAL ANTHEM GIRL'S WEB 209 00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:00,730 REDEMPTION, BUT FIRST HERE'S ONE 210 00:07:00,733 --> 00:07:10,073 TOUGH JEW. 211 00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:36,330 * WHAT SO PROUDLY WE HAIL * 212 00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:39,433 * AT THE STARS LAST -- 213 00:07:39,433 --> 00:07:54,133 [LAUGHTER] 214 00:07:54,133 --> 00:07:57,133 * LAST -- STARS LAST GLEAMING * 215 00:07:57,133 --> 00:08:00,533 * AND THE ROCKETS RED GLARE * 216 00:08:00,533 --> 00:08:04,403 * AND THE -- BURSTING IN AIR * 217 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,300 * GAVE PROOF THROUGH THE 218 00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:07,870 NIGHT * 219 00:08:07,867 --> 00:08:12,867 * THAT OUR FLAG WAS STILL 220 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:13,267 THERE * 221 00:08:13,267 --> 00:08:13,927 >> WAS THAT NICK THE QUICK? 222 00:08:13,933 --> 00:08:14,673 THAT'S NATALIE GILBERT AND SHE 223 00:08:14,667 --> 00:08:16,567 HATES AMERICA. 224 00:08:16,567 --> 00:08:18,127 ONLY A TERRORIST WOULD BUTCHER 225 00:08:18,133 --> 00:08:18,873 THE GREATEST ONEHIT-WONDER OF 226 00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:20,867 ALL TIME. 227 00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:23,567 I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY AT EVERY 228 00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:24,267 SPORTING EVENT, WE NEED TO BE 229 00:08:24,267 --> 00:08:25,097 REMINDED THAT 200 YEARS AGO AN 230 00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:26,300 AWFUL SONG WAS WRITTEN. 231 00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:27,100 HEY, FRANCIS SCOTT KEY, YOU'RE 232 00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:28,370 NO WILL.I.AM. 233 00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:41,767 SO WHY DON'T WE GET RID OF THE 234 00:08:41,767 --> 00:08:47,897 >> AND WHAT'S WITH THE RULES? 235 00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:48,570 FACE THE FLAG, DON'T LET IT 236 00:08:48,567 --> 00:08:49,297 TOUCH THE GROUND, TAKE OFF YOUR 237 00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:49,900 HAT, COVER YOUR HEARTS. 238 00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:50,630 ARE WE SINGING A SONG OR JOINING 239 00:08:50,633 --> 00:08:50,973 A CULT? 240 00:08:50,967 --> 00:08:53,367 LET'S SEE SOME TOMAHAWK DUNKS 241 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:53,967 ALREADY. 242 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,267 BOOM SHAKALAKA. 243 00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:56,067 AND IF YOU REALLY WANT TO MAKE 244 00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:56,697 ME PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN, 245 00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:57,400 YOU'LL SWAP OUT THAT OLD-ASS 246 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:58,100 UNCLE SAM FOR A YOUNG, SLUTTY 247 00:08:58,100 --> 00:08:59,330 AUNT SAMANTHA ENHANCE. 248 00:08:59,333 --> 00:09:01,773 [LAUGHTER] 249 00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:02,567 SO WHAT IF AMERICANS ARE FAT AND 250 00:09:02,567 --> 00:09:03,927 LAZY? 251 00:09:03,933 --> 00:09:05,073 IF YOUR TERRIBLE COUNTRY'S FOOD 252 00:09:05,067 --> 00:09:06,067 DIDN'T TASTE LIKE DONG, YOU'D 253 00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:07,127 EAT A LOT MORE TOO. 254 00:09:07,133 --> 00:09:08,933 [LAUGHTER] 255 00:09:08,933 --> 00:09:10,633 SURE, THIS COUNTRY ISN'T 256 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,203 PERFECT; OUR CHEESE IS AWFUL, 257 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,270 THE "AMERICAN DREAM" IS 258 00:09:13,267 --> 00:09:15,427 SOMETHING ONLY FOREIGNERS 259 00:09:15,433 --> 00:09:16,173 BELIEVE IN, AND THE MOVIE "THE 260 00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:16,867 AMERICAN" SCORED A 38% ON THE 261 00:09:16,867 --> 00:09:19,627 TOMATO-METER. 262 00:09:19,633 --> 00:09:20,303 THE US OF A IS STILL THE 263 00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:21,400 GREATEST COUNTRY EVER STOLEN. 264 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,100 WE TOOK IT FROM THE INDIANS, 265 00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:23,870 FORCED THE CHINESE TO BUILD IT, 266 00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:24,497 AND THEN MADE THE BLACKS 267 00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:26,300 MAINTAIN IT. 268 00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:28,070 FOR THE RECORD, I'M NOT VERY 269 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:31,067 COMFORTABLE SAYING "THE BLACKS." 270 00:09:31,067 --> 00:09:32,697 REAL PATRIOTISM MEANS 271 00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:34,870 UNDERSTANDING THAT AMERICA 272 00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:36,497 SUCKS, BUT EVERY PLACE ELSE IS 273 00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:37,570 ABOUT A THOUSAND TIMES WORSE. 274 00:09:37,567 --> 00:09:38,327 WE MAY CATCH A LOT OF FLAK FROM 275 00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:39,073 OTHER COUNTRIES, BUT WHEN YOU'VE 276 00:09:39,067 --> 00:09:40,327 BEEN KICKING ASS AND TAKING 277 00:09:40,333 --> 00:09:41,073 NAMES SINCE 1776, HATERS GONNA 278 00:09:41,067 --> 00:09:42,527 HATE. 279 00:09:42,533 --> 00:09:44,403 [LAUGHTER] 280 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,170 REMEMBER, IF CANADA WERE REALLY 281 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,627 THAT GREAT, IT WOULD BE A STATE. 282 00:09:47,633 --> 00:09:48,673 UNFORTUNATELY, NATALIE'S BOMBS 283 00:09:48,667 --> 00:09:49,297 BURST IN AIR AT THE WORST 284 00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:50,870 POSSIBLE TIME. 285 00:09:50,867 --> 00:09:51,967 THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT HER TO 286 00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:52,697 HOLLYWOOD AND MADE HER PLEDGE 287 00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:53,530 ALLEGIANCE TO THE UNITED STATES 288 00:09:53,533 --> 00:09:54,203 OF TOSH IN THIS WEEK'S WEB 289 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,300 REDEMPTION. 290 00:09:56,300 --> 00:10:02,770 [APPLAUSE] 291 00:10:02,767 --> 00:10:05,427 >> HEY, DANIEL. 292 00:10:05,433 --> 00:10:06,573 >> HEY. 293 00:10:06,567 --> 00:10:08,527 >> I'M JUST TAKING MY FLAG DOWN. 294 00:10:08,533 --> 00:10:11,003 WOULD YOU HELP ME FOLD IT? 295 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:11,670 >> SURE. 296 00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:12,967 >> NIGHT, TIGHT, EVEN. 297 00:10:12,967 --> 00:10:14,767 YOU TAKE YOUR TIME. 298 00:10:14,767 --> 00:10:16,767 YOU DON'T GO FAST. 299 00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:19,397 YOU RUSH, YOU MAKE MISTAKES. 300 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,500 YOU OF ALL PEOPLE KNOW THIS. 301 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:21,870 >> FLAG IS NOT VERY -- 302 00:10:21,867 --> 00:10:23,997 >> YES, IT'S THE FLAG'S FAULT. 303 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:24,830 FOLD IT IN HALF. 304 00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:25,503 >> LIKE THIS? 305 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:25,970 >> YES. 306 00:10:25,967 --> 00:10:27,927 AND DO CORNER TO CORNER. 307 00:10:27,933 --> 00:10:32,373 PERFECT! 308 00:10:32,367 --> 00:10:34,297 HAS ANYBODY EVER TOLD YOU YOU 309 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:39,530 LOOK LIKE JODY FOSTER FROM "TAXI 310 00:10:39,533 --> 00:10:39,873 DRIVER?" 311 00:10:39,867 --> 00:10:41,197 HOW LONG AGO WAS THAT NATIONAL 312 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:41,600 ANTHEM? 313 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,000 >> 13. 314 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,330 LIKE EIGHT YEARS AGO. 315 00:10:44,333 --> 00:10:45,503 >> WHAT HAPPENED THAT DAY? 316 00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:46,530 >> I WAS VERY SICK. 317 00:10:46,533 --> 00:10:47,773 I WAS SICK FOR LIKE WEEKS. 318 00:10:47,767 --> 00:10:49,627 MY PARENTS, THEY TOLD ME, YOU 319 00:10:49,633 --> 00:10:50,203 CAN STAY HOME. 320 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,000 YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT. 321 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,270 THE WORDS WENT OUT THE DOOR AND 322 00:10:53,267 --> 00:10:55,397 I HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. 323 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:56,430 LUCKILY THE COACH WALKED OVER 324 00:10:56,433 --> 00:10:57,973 AND HELPED ME FINISH THE SONG. 325 00:10:57,967 --> 00:11:00,767 >> I'D LIKE TO GO ON RECORD 326 00:11:00,767 --> 00:11:03,067 SAYING I THOUGHT MO CHEEKS WAS A 327 00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:03,327 [BLEEP]. 328 00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:04,133 I THOUGHT HE WAS TRYING TO STEAL 329 00:11:04,133 --> 00:11:05,833 THE SPOT LIGHT FROM YOU. 330 00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,533 WHAT WAS YOUR GAME PLAN HAD HE 331 00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:08,403 NOT COME OUT? 332 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:09,930 >> PROBABLY JUST GOING TO START 333 00:11:09,933 --> 00:11:10,233 OVER. 334 00:11:10,233 --> 00:11:11,073 >> START OVER? 335 00:11:11,067 --> 00:11:12,527 >> YEAH. 336 00:11:12,533 --> 00:11:14,433 >> OH, TORCHER THE PEOPLE 337 00:11:14,433 --> 00:11:15,333 LONGER? 338 00:11:15,333 --> 00:11:16,473 >> YEAH. 339 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,497 >> DO MO CHEEKS STILL CALL YOU? 340 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:18,970 >> NO. 341 00:11:18,967 --> 00:11:20,227 BUT I'VE SEEN HIM OVER THE 342 00:11:20,233 --> 00:11:20,603 YEARS. 343 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:21,870 >> ARE YOU GUYS DATE SOMETHING. 344 00:11:21,867 --> 00:11:22,227 >> NO. 345 00:11:22,233 --> 00:11:23,603 >> DID YOU EVER HAVE A CRUSH ON 346 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,600 HIM LIKE A CHILD? 347 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,870 >> HE'S MORE LIKE A FATHER 348 00:11:26,867 --> 00:11:27,197 FIGURE. 349 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:27,770 >> A BLACK FATHER. 350 00:11:27,767 --> 00:11:28,697 DID THEY WIN THAT GAME THAT 351 00:11:28,700 --> 00:11:29,070 NIGHT? 352 00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:29,497 >> NO. 353 00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:30,800 >> WHO WERE THEY PLAYING? 354 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,530 >> THE MAVERICKS. 355 00:11:33,533 --> 00:11:36,803 >> THE DALLAS MAVERICKS. 356 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,230 >> DIRK NOWITZKI. 357 00:11:38,233 --> 00:11:39,303 >> HE GAVE ME A HIGH FIVE. 358 00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:40,900 >> AFTER MESSING THAT UP? 359 00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:41,470 >> YEAH. 360 00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:43,527 HE'S A GERMAN. 361 00:11:43,533 --> 00:11:45,973 HE'S A NAZI. 362 00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:48,067 DID YOU STAY TO WATCH THE GAME 363 00:11:48,067 --> 00:11:48,467 THAT NIGHT? 364 00:11:48,467 --> 00:11:49,267 >> NO. 365 00:11:49,267 --> 00:11:50,697 >> YOU ARE A [BLEEP]. 366 00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:52,570 >> I WENT RIGHT HOME. 367 00:11:52,567 --> 00:11:54,127 >> DID YOU THINK YOUR MUSIC 368 00:11:54,133 --> 00:11:55,273 CAREER WAS OVER? 369 00:11:55,267 --> 00:11:56,897 >> I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER 370 00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:57,500 PERFORM AGAIN. 371 00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:58,930 >> YOU HAVE PERFORMED SINCE 372 00:11:58,933 --> 00:11:59,233 THEN? 373 00:11:59,233 --> 00:12:00,103 >> MULTIPLE TIMES. 374 00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:03,070 >> I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO KNOWN 375 00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:05,067 THAT WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SANG. 376 00:12:05,067 --> 00:12:06,297 WE'LL SAY YOU NEVER SANG AGAIN. 377 00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:08,070 >> OKAY. 378 00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:09,967 >> THE PROBLEM IS YOU CAN SING. 379 00:12:09,967 --> 00:12:11,827 THE PROBLEM IS YOU FORGOT THE 380 00:12:11,833 --> 00:12:12,133 WORDS. 381 00:12:12,133 --> 00:12:14,403 I THOUGHT THE PERFECT WARMUP 382 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,600 WOULD HAVE YOU SING AT MY 383 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:17,300 REGULAR TUESDAY NIGHT GAME. 384 00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:17,800 >> ALL RIGHT. 385 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,070 >> GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND 386 00:12:19,067 --> 00:12:20,467 GENTLEMEN. 387 00:12:20,467 --> 00:12:24,827 WELCOME TO "MY GARAGE." 388 00:12:24,833 --> 00:12:26,503 FOR TOSH'S TUESDAY FIGHT NIGHTS 389 00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:28,430 AT 10:00. 390 00:12:28,433 --> 00:12:29,733 TONIGHT, WE HAVE OUR GUEST 391 00:12:29,733 --> 00:12:32,533 SINGING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM OF 392 00:12:32,533 --> 00:12:32,873 MEXICO. 393 00:12:32,867 --> 00:12:36,427 PLEASE WELCOME NATALIE GILBERT. 394 00:12:36,433 --> 00:12:38,203 >> I DON'T KNOW THE MEXICAN 395 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,130 NATIONAL ANTHEM. 396 00:12:40,133 --> 00:12:43,173 >> I'LL HELP YOU. 397 00:12:43,167 --> 00:12:46,927 >> OUTSIDE, INSIDE, OUT. 398 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:50,533 LIVING LA VIDA LOCA. 399 00:12:50,533 --> 00:12:51,433 >> THAT'S GOOD. 400 00:12:51,433 --> 00:12:51,833 ALL RIGHT. 401 00:12:51,833 --> 00:12:59,433 LET THE COCKFIGHT BEGIN! 402 00:12:59,433 --> 00:13:02,173 >> ALL RIGHT. 403 00:13:02,167 --> 00:13:04,097 NATALIE, I REALLY CARRIED YOU AT 404 00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:05,100 THE COCKFIGHT. 405 00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:09,600 THIS IS LESS PRESSURE, AN NHL 406 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:10,070 HOCKEY GAME. 407 00:13:10,067 --> 00:13:11,167 READY FOR ANOTHER SHOT? 408 00:13:11,167 --> 00:13:11,597 >> I AM. 409 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:14,370 >> DON'T WORRY. 410 00:13:14,367 --> 00:13:15,597 I'LL BE CLOSE BY. 411 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:16,670 WHAT IS YOUR NUMBER? 412 00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:17,827 >> 10. 413 00:13:17,833 --> 00:13:20,673 >> MINUTE IS.0. 414 00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:22,067 GET IT? 415 00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:29,327 * AT THE STARS LAST -- STARS -- 416 00:13:29,333 --> 00:13:32,803 >> WOULD YOU PLEASE JOIN NATALIE 417 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:37,100 GILBERT FOR THE SINGING OF OUR 418 00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,070 NATIONAL ANTHEM? 419 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,097 * OKAY CAN YOU SEE * 420 00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:45,770 * BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT * 421 00:13:45,767 --> 00:13:50,427 * WHAT SO PROUDLY WE HAIL * 422 00:13:50,433 --> 00:13:54,703 * AT THE TWILIGHT'S LAST 423 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:55,730 GLEAMING * 424 00:13:55,733 --> 00:13:59,773 * WHOSE BROUGHT STRIPES AND 425 00:13:59,767 --> 00:14:02,227 BRIGHT STARS * 426 00:14:02,233 --> 00:14:06,333 * THROUGH THE PERILOUS FIGHT * 427 00:14:06,333 --> 00:14:13,373 * FOR THE RAMPARTS WE WATCH, 428 00:14:13,367 --> 00:14:16,627 WERE SO GALLANTLY STREAMING * 429 00:14:16,633 --> 00:14:22,073 * AND THE ROCKET'S RED GLARE * 430 00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:26,597 * THE BOMBS BURSTING IN AIR * 431 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,070 * GAVE PROOF THROUGH THE 432 00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:31,227 NIGHT * 433 00:14:31,233 --> 00:14:32,333 * THAT OUR FLAG WAS STILL 434 00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:38,573 THERE * 435 00:14:38,567 --> 00:14:45,227 * OH SAY DOES THAT STAR 436 00:14:45,233 --> 00:14:50,533 SPANGLED BANNER YET WAVE * 437 00:14:50,533 --> 00:14:57,273 * OER THE LAND OF THE FREE * 438 00:14:57,267 --> 00:15:07,227 * AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVE * 439 00:15:07,233 --> 00:15:07,773 [CHEERS & APPLAUSE] 440 00:15:07,767 --> 00:15:09,727 >> THANK YOU, NATALIE. 441 00:15:09,733 --> 00:15:10,373 AND THANK YOU, LADIES AND 442 00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:19,927 GENTLEMEN. 443 00:15:19,933 --> 00:15:20,373 >> GO DUCKS! 444 00:15:20,367 --> 00:15:21,127 >> I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FROM 445 00:15:21,133 --> 00:15:21,873 THE ANAHEIM DUCKS ORGANIZATION 446 00:15:21,867 --> 00:15:22,597 AND ESPECIALLY THEIR HEAD COACH 447 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:23,070 EMILIO ESTEVEZ. 448 00:15:23,067 --> 00:15:23,897 [LAUGHTER] 449 00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:24,770 QUACK. 450 00:15:24,767 --> 00:15:25,497 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, BUT FIRST 451 00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:26,200 DON'T INTERRUPT ME WHILE I'M 452 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:29,530 MAKING A SANDWICH. 453 00:15:29,533 --> 00:15:31,403 >> FIRST WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS 454 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:32,670 SPREAD THE MAYONNAISE OVER THE 455 00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:48,367 TOAST. 456 00:15:48,367 --> 00:15:50,427 >> WE CAN MAKE IT LOOK EASY TO 457 00:15:50,433 --> 00:16:03,073 MAKE THAT DIFFICULT CUT. 458 00:16:16,067 --> 00:16:18,867 >> [BLEEP] YEA! 459 00:16:18,867 --> 00:16:19,927 YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT PORK 460 00:16:19,933 --> 00:16:20,603 SWORD WILL POP A BALLOON? 461 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:24,400 AMAZING. 462 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,800 [LAUGHTER] 463 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,400 ONE OF THE GREAT PARTS OF HAVING 464 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,570 A SHOW IS WHEN I SEE A VIDEO 465 00:16:29,567 --> 00:16:31,667 THAT AWESOME, I JUST SCREAM, 466 00:16:31,667 --> 00:16:33,297 "GET ME THAT DAMN SWORD," AND 467 00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:36,530 THREE DAYS LATER THIS HAPPENS. 468 00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:08,267 >> WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? 469 00:17:08,267 --> 00:17:12,267 >> BECAUSE APPARENTLY GOD HATES 470 00:17:12,267 --> 00:17:12,527 YOU. 471 00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:13,703 >> DANIEL! 472 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:13,970 OH! 473 00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:14,327 >> WHAT? 474 00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:15,573 >> I'M JOKING. 475 00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,627 I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D ACTUALLY 476 00:17:17,633 --> 00:17:18,833 PUT YOUR SON IN THERE. 477 00:17:18,833 --> 00:17:21,403 >> OH, ALL RIGHT. 478 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,600 THAT'S A GOOD ONE. 479 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:26,070 OH, MAN. 480 00:17:26,067 --> 00:17:26,497 I KILLED MY KID. 481 00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:26,870 >> GOD. 482 00:17:26,867 --> 00:17:27,467 SUCH A PRANKSTER. 483 00:17:27,467 --> 00:17:28,197 BELIEVE IT OR NOT, SWORDS WERE 484 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:28,900 NOT MEANT FOR CHOPPING WOOD. 485 00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:31,730 YEA. 486 00:17:31,733 --> 00:17:32,403 I ALMOST KILLED TWO OF OUR 487 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:44,470 CAMERAMEN WHEN THE HANDLE BROKE. 488 00:17:44,467 --> 00:17:49,467 >> GAME OVER. 489 00:17:49,467 --> 00:17:50,727 [LAUGHTER] 490 00:17:50,733 --> 00:17:51,403 >> HE DOESN'T REALIZE HOW 491 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,330 UNLUCKY HE WAS. 492 00:17:52,333 --> 00:17:53,073 IF THAT SWORD WOULD HAVE HIT 493 00:17:53,067 --> 00:17:53,797 HIM, HE WOULD HAVE MADE SO MUCH 494 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,470 MONEY. 495 00:17:55,467 --> 00:17:59,397 [LAUGHTER] 496 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,200 IN HONOR OF BLACK HISTORY MONTH 497 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:00,900 IT'S TIME TO PLAY "IS IT 498 00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:04,400 RACIST?" 499 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:04,930 [CHEERS & APPLAUSE] 500 00:18:04,933 --> 00:18:13,973 YES. 501 00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:14,697 IT'S WHERE WE PLAY YOU A VIDEO 502 00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:15,470 AND HAVE AN INFORMED DISCUSSION 503 00:18:15,467 --> 00:18:16,197 ON WHETHER THE CONTENTS IN SAID 504 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:16,900 VIDEO COULD BE CONSTRUED AS 505 00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:17,230 RACIST. 506 00:18:17,233 --> 00:18:17,833 THIS WEEK'S VIDEO IS A 507 00:18:17,833 --> 00:18:18,573 COMMERCIAL FROM JAX BARGAIN 508 00:18:18,567 --> 00:18:20,767 PLYWOOD. 509 00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:25,370 ** 510 00:18:25,367 --> 00:18:26,097 CAN I HEAR THAT FIRST PART ONE 511 00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:28,500 MORE TIME? 512 00:18:29,133 --> 00:18:31,533 ** 513 00:18:31,533 --> 00:18:32,273 YES IT'S RACIST, AND I'LL TELL 514 00:18:32,267 --> 00:18:34,227 YOU WHY. 515 00:18:34,233 --> 00:18:34,933 THEY SHOULD HAVE CAST SOMEONE 516 00:18:34,933 --> 00:18:36,473 WHO COULD SAY THE WORD "NICKEL" 517 00:18:36,467 --> 00:18:37,227 WITHOUT MAKING IT SOUND LIKE THE 518 00:18:37,233 --> 00:18:39,173 N-WORD. 519 00:18:39,167 --> 00:18:41,327 ALSO, I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT 520 00:18:41,333 --> 00:18:43,203 15 CENTS IS NOT THAT MUCH OF A 521 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,570 SAVINGS. 522 00:18:44,567 --> 00:18:45,927 SO SHAME ON YOU, JAX BARGAIN 523 00:18:45,933 --> 00:18:46,733 PLYWOOD. 524 00:18:46,733 --> 00:18:48,703 AND THAT'S HOW YOU PLAY "IS IT 525 00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:49,470 RACIST?" 526 00:18:49,467 --> 00:18:50,197 DON'T FORGET TO GO TO OUR BLOG 527 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,070 AND UPLOAD A CLIP FOR A CHANCE 528 00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:53,767 TO BE OUR VIEWER VIDEO. 529 00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:54,527 THIS WEEK'S WINNER COMES TO US 530 00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:57,673 FROM THE COOK FAMILY. 531 00:19:09,067 --> 00:19:11,767 >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 532 00:19:11,767 --> 00:19:13,797 >> OH, BENJAMIN. 533 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:20,330 I MAY LOOK LIKE SPIDERMAN BUT 534 00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:22,533 I'M REALLY -- 535 00:19:22,533 --> 00:19:23,573 >> THEY SHOULD HAVE INCREASED 536 00:19:23,567 --> 00:19:24,667 THEIR BUDGET $5 MORE AND I'M 537 00:19:24,667 --> 00:19:25,397 SURE KIRSTEN DUNST WOULD HAVE 538 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:26,800 BEEN IN IT. 539 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:27,500 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE 540 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:31,170 STRAIGHT PLAN FOR THE GAY MAN. 541 00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:33,697 [CHEERS & APPLAUSE] 542 00:19:39,467 --> 00:19:43,667 [CHEERS & APPLAUSE] 543 00:19:43,667 --> 00:19:45,867 >> WELCOME BACK, MY NICKELS. 544 00:19:45,867 --> 00:19:47,667 [LAUGHTER] 545 00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:48,327 NEXT WEEK I TANGO WITH THE 546 00:19:48,333 --> 00:19:50,373 EVOLUTION OF DANCE GUY. 547 00:19:50,367 --> 00:19:51,097 MAKE SURE YOU TUNE IN TO SEE MY 548 00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:52,070 NEW STAND-UP SPECIAL HAPPY 549 00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:52,827 THOUGHTS, PREMIERING ON THE C.C. 550 00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:55,803 MARCH 6TH. 551 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:56,570 BE SURE YOU FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER 552 00:19:56,567 --> 00:19:57,297 SO WE CAN LIVE CHAT DURING THE 553 00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:58,070 SHOWS. 554 00:19:58,067 --> 00:19:59,097 AND KEEP UP WITH OUR DAILY BLOG 555 00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:02,230 OVER AT TOSH.COMEDYCENTRAL.COM. 556 00:20:02,233 --> 00:20:03,333 FINALLY, THE SUPER BOWL IS 557 00:20:03,333 --> 00:20:04,033 COMING UP ON SUNDAY, PACKERS 558 00:20:04,033 --> 00:20:07,633 VERSUS STEELERS. 559 00:20:07,633 --> 00:20:08,303 WE ACTUALLY HAVE A HIGHLY 560 00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:08,970 ADVANCED, STATE-OF-THE-ART 561 00:20:08,967 --> 00:20:09,697 COMPUTER THAT CAN PREDICT THE 562 00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:11,830 OUTCOME OF SUPER BOWL 45 WITH 563 00:20:11,833 --> 00:20:13,603 100% ACCURACY. 564 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:14,670 SO TURN THE CHANNEL RIGHT NOW IF 565 00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:15,967 YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHO WINS. 566 00:20:15,967 --> 00:20:17,397 ALRIGHT. 567 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,000 DALLAS STADIUM LOOKS BEAUTIFUL. 568 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,130 THE PACKERS WENT UP EARLY AND 569 00:20:21,133 --> 00:20:21,833 OFTEN, HERE'S DON MAKOWSKI 570 00:20:21,833 --> 00:20:22,773 THROWING TO STERLING SHARPE FOR 571 00:20:22,767 --> 00:20:25,497 ONE OF THEIR SIX TOUCHDOWNS. 572 00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:26,270 THE HALFTIME SHOW WITH THE BLACK 573 00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:26,967 EYED PEAS WENT OFF WITHOUT A 574 00:20:26,967 --> 00:20:28,197 HITCH. 575 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,100 DID FERGIE GET SOME WORK DONE? 576 00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:30,870 SHE LOOKS AMAZING. 577 00:20:30,867 --> 00:20:32,297 AND THE ROUTE CONTINUED IN THE 578 00:20:32,300 --> 00:20:33,530 SECOND HALF. 579 00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:34,633 BUBBY BRISTER THREW THREE 580 00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:35,773 INTERCEPTIONS, AND THEN KEITH 581 00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:36,727 WOODSIDE ZIGZAGGED PAST GREG 582 00:20:36,733 --> 00:20:39,473 LLOYD FOR ANOTHER SCORE. 583 00:20:39,467 --> 00:20:40,927 HAS TO BE THE GREATEST RUN IN 584 00:20:40,933 --> 00:20:42,703 SUPER BOWL HISTORY. 585 00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:43,430 SORRY, STEELER FANS, I CAN NOW 586 00:20:43,433 --> 00:20:45,203 GUARANTEE THAT THE PACKERS WILL 587 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,530 WIN 49-6. 588 00:20:47,533 --> 00:20:48,233 I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE THE 589 00:20:48,233 --> 00:20:49,203 BEST THING ABOUT THIS YEAR'S 590 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:49,900 SUPER BOWL IS THAT THE JETS 591 00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:51,900 AREN'T IN IT. 592 00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:53,030 THE JETS ARE A LOT LIKE THE 593 00:20:53,033 --> 00:20:54,003 YANKEES, EVERYONE HATES THEM, 594 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,730 ONLY THEY DON'T HAVE GOOD 595 00:20:55,733 --> 00:20:57,803 PLAYERS, A WINNING TRADITION OR 596 00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:58,500 A COACH WHO DOESN'T BEAT OFF 597 00:20:58,500 --> 00:20:59,230 EVERY TIME A PLAYER GETS THEIR 598 00:20:59,233 --> 00:21:01,133 ANKLE TAPED. 599 00:21:01,133 --> 00:21:01,833 WE'LL TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT 600 00:21:01,833 --> 00:21:02,233 TIME. 601 00:21:02,233 --> 00:21:05,973 GOOD NIGHT CANADA, AND TONY. 36692

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