Original subtitles

- Previously, on "Real

- Previously, on "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills."

- Are you here to have a good time?

- Yeah! - Whoo!

- You can't even get on with your best friend,

so you could have issues.

- PK, you're in the same ----ing position!

- If my husband did that, he woulda called you and said,

"I'm really sorry."

- It's very difficult for me to believe that you had

nothing to do with Radar Online.

- If you believe I gave the story to Radar Online,

we don't have a friendship.

It's easier bloody talking at Congress than it is

talking to that stupid cow.

- My husband has an RV

and I think we should do some sort of road trip.

- I wanna go camping.

- How many of us are going?

- We're all going. - I mean,

I'm assuming Lisa Vanderpump is not coming. I'm assuming.

♪ ♪

- In the game of life, it's Rinna take all.

♪ ♪

- Most people talk about their fantasies.

I'm living mine.

♪ ♪

- In business and in life,

I wear many hats. And hairstyles.

- You can stab me in the back,

but whilst you're there, kiss my ass.

- I'm not afraid of hard work,

but I'll never do your dirty work.

- My problem with the tabloids?

My real life is so much juicier.

- In Beverly Hills,

the truth always has a way

of rising to the top.

[dance music]

♪ ♪

[phone line trilling]

- Hello? - We can't pack a lot of stuff.

That would be ridiculous, right?

- I would just pack whatever you're comfortable in.

- Are glam squads coming? - No glam squad.

I--there's no room for a glam squad.

- Can--can you--well just in case a bear sees you,

we gotta be cute. [laughs] - [laughing]

♪ ♪

- Girls, I'd love to take you,

but this is a trip where I'm going "au naturale."

- How far away is it?

- It's like a couple of hours away from, um,

Beverly Hills. - And it's only 24 hours.

- Yeah. - What could really go wrong

in 24 hours? - Wait a minute.

Do you know my friends?

♪ ♪

- You're going camping for one night.

What is this stuff?

What is all this?

- Wanna be extra, extra, extra prepared.

- Wire cutters?

- Well, just in case. - Just in case?

- I mean, I need a hair dryer.

- I mean is--is there gonna be electricity on the trail?

Holy mother of God, these are kind of intense.

One night? - [laughs]

I will never, ever go hiking or camping with Harry.

- This is a two-person tent. - No ----ing way is it.

- Yes, it is.

- You know, Harry,

you just could not get me to do this.

Harry's trip does not have a bathroom.

Harry's trip does not have anything.

This is what is the most important thing.

- So, you're gonna get hammered on a camping trip?

- Yes. - [laughs]

- But with these women, you never leave Beverly Hills.

Like, we always take that with us.

I mean, come on, we're divas.

-You've got a bag for three weeks here.

- Well, I probably have some other things I need downstairs,

but now I feel totally prepared,

just in case. - [laughing]

- Can you help us carry this thing out really quick?

Well, actually, I don't trust you to carry it,

but can you open the door for us?

- Um, how do you want me to help?

- No, we need you to open... - Just open the--

- ...the RV door.

- Growing up in South Carolina,

you go crabbing or camping or a multitude

of different outdoorsy-type things.

- Can I grab a piece? - No!

- Why not? - What piece do you want?

- I'll take a gummy bear.

Just this pretty bear. - But no cheese piece.

Being outdoorsy in Los Angeles is really, like,

everybody's, you know, wearing full-face makeup

and it's not really camping

or being outdoorsy at all.

You gotta wish me luck.

- Yeah, it's gonna be great.

- Thank you, sir. - You're welcome.

- Bye.

Hello! - Come on in!

- Camper here! - Nice.

- Hi. - How's it going?

- Well, I'm a little nervous, but I'm good.

- Little nervous? You doing good?

- Yeah. I have a big huge bag. I didn't bring that in.

- What all did you pack?

That's all I packed.

- Shut up.

- Perfect.

Hello. - Hi.

- Hi. - Thank you, Francisco.

I'll see you tomorrow.

- Look at your boots. Hilarious.

- Well, I'm scared of ticks.

I like to be prepared in case something scary happens

like a bear chasing me or a shark wanting to eat me.

I have like an EpiPen, Band-Aids, a machete.

- I got a text from PK last night.

- What? - Good.

What'd he say? - Hold on, what time?

- Basically, "You know that was, like,

me joking around and you need to drop it now."

I just wish that Dorit had handled it better

instead of making excuses for him.

- He didn't mean anything by it.

He apologized to you.

At some point-- - Well, not really,

but I don't care. - We didn't--he did, actually.

- Mm-mm, that wasn't really an apology.

I said, "Listen, I let go of things easily and we're done.

Thank you, I appreciate your text."

- All right, good. - So, I don't know if

there's gonna be any residual feelings between Dorit and me.

- Hi, Denise. - Hi.

- What did you bring? - I am dead.

She brought muffins. I love you.

- Yeah. - That's for breakfast

tomorrow. - And look

at our cute little shot glasses.

- Oh, my God. - Oh, cute!

- Those are so cute. - Hi!

- I'm down for this. Everybody thinks,

you know, "Erika wouldn't wanna go camping."

Bitch, I been camping all my life.

- Look at all the snacks. - Sna--who got--wait.

- No, me, of course.

- I am a fishing, camping,

go-kart riding, gun-shooting, tomboy.

- I love this view. - It's just spectacular.

- Michelle, come meet everybody.

This is who's driving us today. Michelle.

- Oh, hey Michelle. - I was just finishing up.

- Hello?

Hi? - Hello, how's it going?

- This is a tour. - I know.

- This is so pretty. - We're like--hi, honey,

how are you? - Hi, baby, how are you?

I love your braids. - Oh, thank you.

- I was thinking about doing braids myself.

- Hi.

- I love a view.

- Yeah.

- I'm hoping to enjoy the great outdoors

and not have any tension with Kyle this trip.

- Should we start loading in? - Let's do it.

- Oh, my God. I am impressed. - This is gorgeous.

- Look at your charcuterie. - It's almost like a tour bus.

- It really is.

- Are we allowed to nibble on this yet?

- Yeah, dig in.

- Okay, here we go, here we go.

- Camille's here.

- Hi hon, hello. - Hi, honey.

- Hey! - Hello! [smooches]

- Hey. - Hi, hon. [smooches]

- I've seen Camille and heard her talk

about some of the other women.

- Teddi, she's a bit of a know-it-all.

There's something about Dorit that I found fake.

In the Bahamas, I couldn't believe the stuff

that Rinna was saying.

- I don't think Camille's gonna be able

to shut her piehole on this RV trip.

- Hi, how's it going? - Where are we going exactly?

- North. - My daughter has those.

- So, is this going to be another trip

where everything goes sideways?

Or... [laughs] Can we have a good time?

- All right, let's get this show on the road.

-Yes, let's get moving.

[funky music]

- When I was a little girl, I used to want

to be a truck driver. - Really?

- You did? - That or a Playboy Bunny.

Didn't dream very high.

- I'm usually really neurotic.

I don't feel like that at all right now.

- What is wrong with you? - I don't know.

- What's wrong? - She, like,

gets anxiety driving. - Crazy.

- Oh, me too. We're getting

a little close to these--

we're getting so close to these, uh, trucks.

- You guys are making this a big deal.

It's perfectly fine.

All these chicks are having a meltdown

and we haven't even gotten out of the city of Los Angeles.

- Do you guys wanna talk about room arrangements?

- I asked Denise if she would sleep with me.

She said she would. - Perfect.

- Erika and I will room.

- Just so long it's not cold.

- "Not cold" is in the RV.

- If it's cold, we'll move in here.

- Right. - But they have heaters

in the tent, I think. - They do.

♪ ♪

- We are about to stop at a grocery store.

- Oh, my God, I love a market.

- We need dinner and we need breakfast for tomorrow.

- Coming in hot.

- Do we really need two carts, guys?

- [laughing] I don't think so. - We got one night.

- We need hot dogs, hamburgers,

alcohol, sides. - Okay.

[bumbling music]

- We could get donuts. - [sarcastically] Oh, I'm sure

you're gonna eat a bunch of donuts, Rinna.

- Oh, just for the heck of it.

- [laughing] - Oh, bagels for the morning.

Who wants bagels in the morning?

- I can't be eating bread.

- Isn't that cute?

We might have to have a nibble. - Guys, focus.

- What about turkey chili? - We're not getting hot stuff,

and then having to-- okay. Let's reel it in.

- Everybody is grabbing things off the shelf

like it is Armageddon.

- You guys. - What?

- These cheeseballs. Do you remember these?

- No, Rinna. - I do!

It brings me back.

We need the whole camping-experience food.

You need some chips...

- Hummus and carrots.

- And chicken wings.

- I love pretzels.

- Popcorn.

- We need some desserts.

- Tequila, lots of tequila.

- Almond milk. 30-calorie almond milk.

- Oh, my gosh. we have a lot of stuff.

- Do you think we're good for one night?

- No. Who got this? - Cheese Whiz?

- Erika. - Erika.

- What are you talking about? I got that just for you.

- [laughing]

- Thank you, Teddi. And we'll chip in.

- I don't think we're going to use 5%

of all the things that we've purchased,

so I don't really understand spending $700.

Where we even gonna fit this?

The back's full with everybody's bags.

- Are we dividing the bill into seven parts?

- Correct. - We there yet?

[laughter]

- Coming up.

- You wanna be an asshole, go be a ----ing asshole.

Period, the end of story. That's how I feel.

The end.

[glamorous music]

♪ ♪

- We're here.

- Welcome to Ventura Ranch.

- This is so cute. - It's pretty.

- This is very cute.

- Teddi, what are we gonna do with all the groceries?

- That's what I'm trying to think.

- Why don't we put all the perishables we can in here.

- Yeah, like water, kind of-- - This is the mothership.

- Yeah. - Right?

- Okay. - Keep it in here.

- Just keep it in here.

- Especially if no one's sleeping in here.

- Oh, these are the tents? These are cute.

- This is like a yurt.

- Scott? - Yes?

- Which one's the nicest?

- They're actually all put together at the same time.

They're identical. - You're hilarious.

- You guys, this isn't like a tent. This is...

This is nicer than where I stayed in for QVC.

- This is a tent?

- This is not roughing it, girls.

- No. - Not at all.

- This is actually really nice. - I mean, are you kidding?

This is, like, gonna be so cool.

It's way better than I expected. Are you kidding?

- It's nice. - This is gonna be a breeze.

- It's lovely. It's like glamping.

- [sighs happily]

[both laugh]

- This is comfortable. - I like it in here.

I wanna sleep in here. - Oh, my God, me too.

[birds caw] - Are they--

- Lookit. They're running from us.

- Are they turkeys? They're not turkeys.

- I think they're peacocks. Why are they running from us?

- Peacocks, don't run. - They're so cute.

- I wish I had food to feed them.

- I wonder what they eat.

- Excuse me. - Don't mind us.

We're here for a month.

- Go here. - What the (BLEEP) is

in this bag? - Erika,

I'll show you once we get to the room.

I have a little bit of everything.

There's-- - Clearly.

What the (BLEEP) is in this bag, Rinna?

A dead body?

Vanderpump?

- Here, let me take it. - No, bitch.

- I'll take this. No, you can't take both.

Here, let me-- - Yes, I can.

You wanna make a bet? - I don't want you

to hurt yourself. - I'm not gonna hurt myself.

- You have a tour to do.

- This is fun. - This is cool right?

- This is so cute. - Oh, my God,

this is so cool. - [exhales]

- Here. Boom. - [laughs]

- What the (BLEEP) is in that bag?

- I have a new puffer, a pillow...

this is my new favorite.

- It's so cool. - Is that not great?

Oh, I got some Ugg slippers too.

I've got workout clothes and then I've got jammies.

I'm gonna change my clothes.

- What're you changing into? - Well, I have so many choices.

[laughing] I might as well.

- Well, they found a little table for the beer pong.

- Is it a little awkward that I'm 47

and playing beer pong? I mean, I feel a little, like--

- Why don't you go for the massage first?

- Thank you. Where is it?

- It's right up there. - Thank you, Teddi.

- Is this an actual beer pong table?

- Oh, yeah.

- Just when you think you've done it all,

you know. - Nope, you haven't.

- You have not.

♪ ♪

- Hey, hi. - Hi, how are you?

- Hi, oh, wow. This is really beautiful.

Nice to meet you.

How about a little neck and shoulders?

- Neck and shoulder. - That would be lovely today.

- Oh, okay.

[awkward music]

♪ ♪

- So, I'm not a beer pong pro.

No way!

- Yes! - Now both of you

need to drink now. - Yes!

- Beer pong champ.

- No. - What?

[laughter]

- [cheers]

- No! [laughing]

- Hold on.

I closed my eyes. - N--

- Yes! - Who are you?

- For a woman that has a lot of opinions on stemware,

she sure knows her way around that plastic Solo Cup.

- We've got one more.

- Oh! - [cheering]

- [laughing]

- [laughs] You can hear my friends.

- I had my tiny drink ready. [laughs]

- That looks dangerous. - [laughs]

- You know sometimes, Denise, you just take a risk.

- I did once. That was the day.

- What day was that? What day did you mess up?

- You know, I think-- - Everybody makes mistakes.

- It's so important... - Nobody's perfect.

- To teach that to our children.

- Do you regret going to Lisa's and talking to her and Ken?

- I don't regret wanting to go there

and have that conversation. I regret the outcome.

- I don't understand how it turned where she's angry

with me because even when,

- Because she was originally angry at you, Dorit.

That's what you're missing. - It was a passive aggressive

move. - It was a passive--

it was your punishment.

- Ah!

- Hey, get over here!

- Can I tell you something? - Was it good?

- First off, it felt so good, you guys.

I loved every minute of it.

- Okay. - I was on the balcony, it was,

like, the sun--and I could hear... [laughs]

And I said, to the lady, I was like,

"Those are my friends." Thank you, so much.

- Oh, good. Of course. - From the bottom of my heart

because I really needed it. - You needed it?

- How does you face look so good though,

after your massage? - I didn't smash my facedown.

I did it upward. - Oh.

- Oh, God. - I don't go facedown anymore.

I only go faceup. - I can't afford to squish

this all up.

You don't wanna squish this face.

Honey, this--this is the moneymaker here.

I have to be very careful.

Gotta preserve the plastic.

- You girls can catch Erika up, but I'm just,

you know, as far as LVP goes, I mean, guys, she--

she drew a line in the sand.

She couldn't have made it clearer,

both her and Ken. - Can I tell you how I feel?

- Yeah. - I care about the women

that are at this table. You wanna be an asshole?

Go be a ----ing asshole.

But, as far as I'm concerned, I care about

the women in this group. The women that show up.

I wanna be friends with people

that are easy to get along with,

that don't keep score,

that don't move chess pieces around on a board,

that don't try to make themselves look great

and you look sh---y.

I never have bought it;

I never will buy it.

That's how I feel. The end.

It's almost like the queen that shows you the apple.

"Want some?"

- I don't have any guilt, I just--I just feel

like--like--like, at times, I miss her.

I'd like her to be here with us, laughing, and she's not.

- That's her choice. That's her choice.

- I know it is her choice. - Yeah.

- She's given us a fait accompli.

She's given me a fait accompli, and she's made it very clear--

- Oh, Dorit, your life will be just fine without that sh--.

Bye. Sorry. - [laughing] No.

- But not really. [all laugh]

- Coming up.

- I used to wear these contraptions with my ex.

- You mean a strap-on? [laughter]

- Oh, my God.

[crickets chirping]

- All right, this is where you need to watch out

for the ticks. - No! Don't say that.

- Stop! - I have a phobia of ticks.

- Oh, God. - Whoa.

- Don't scare her. - Well,

she should look out though.

- Oh. Zika virus. Zika. - Oh, my God.

- I like being in the outdoors.

I let--I let you guys go in front,

in case there's a snake.

My husband tries to scare me

and tell me there's gonna be bugs and all these things

and I'm not gonna like it. so I'm ready for this.

I just don't like, you know, furry spiders...

and snakes.

Or any kind of bug at all.

[sticks clicking]

- Teddi? - What's that supposed to be?

To scare the bears?

- In case there's a bear, you think that's

gonna make it go away? - You're crazy.

Are there bears out in Los Angeles?

- Where else do you think the bears live?

- Kyle, I think that calls them!

- That is what calls them. - It calls them, yes.

- I have dirt in my toes.

- Who's gonna rock climb? - Let's do it.

- Let's do it. - Let's go.

- How are you? - I'm well, and yourself?

- I'm Denise. - Hi, I'm Forrest.

- Hi, Forrest. Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you. Have you done this before?

- I have not. - Okay. This loop right here?

Hold out near your chest like that.

I'm going to put this around your leg.

- Have you done this before? - Uh-uh.

- Oh, my God, we gotta wear a contraption?

- There's a little red buzzer up there.

- Yeah. - Whoever hits their buzzer

first, I guess. - Oh, my God, we're racing?

- Oh, we're racing? - Yes.

- Wait, wait, wait. - On your marks,

get set, go.

- My money's on Teddi. - Ah, sh--.

- They're gonna race? - I don't know, Dorit's,

like, moving. - This is higher than it looks.

- Oh, my God. - (BLEEP).

- Oh god, (BLEEP). - Oh, oh.

- Careful. - Dorit looks like Spiderman.

I'm kinda shocked at how fast she's coming up this wall.

- Oh crap, this is high.

- I think Dorit is winning. - I think so.

- I'm last. - You did it!

Whoo! Big shout out Dorit! - Wow,

impressive Dorit.

- Whoo! - You wanna go again?

- Oh (BLEEP) no. [laughs]

- Dorit kicked my butt in rock climbing. There,

I said it.

- I used to wear these contraptions with my ex.

- What! Camille! - That's why we're

no longer together. - You mean a strap-on?

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God. - I know what I'm looking at.

- My ex and I did some sexy, kinky play.

[laughs]

This is what we do for the people we love.

- Oh, my God. I'm scared. Okay.

- Wait, Lisa, you gotta wait.

- Oh. - Hurry, catch up!

- That's cheating! Rinna cheated.

- You look so good Rinna,

you are just scaling that wall! - I'm scared,

I'm getting scared.

I'm just excited to go camping,

but I don't like heights. Like,

why would I climb a fake rock?

- You can do it Kyle. - Come on, Kyle, you can do it.

- Ugh, this peer pressure is ridiculous.

- Rinna actually likes heights.

- Oh, my goodness! - You look like you

belong up there.

- I don't like the way the fingers grip on these things.

- You're almost there, Kyle.

You're past the halfway mark. - I know, but then I think

about how high up I am... - Don't, don't.

- And I get scared.

When I am up high and I look down,

my entire body goes numb.

- Beautiful. - Oh, wow.

- Oh, my God. I don't wanna do this.

My legs are numb and tingly all the way up to my tweeter.

----ing hell, I don't wanna go anymore.

- Come on, honey, you can do it.

- I'm done. - No, Kyle, you can do it.

- No, no. - Kyle, just go back

and you'll drop down. - No. I'm happy with my life.

I like--I like everything the way it is. No me gusta.

- Erika. - Ah! Erika.

- Whoo! [buzzer sounds]

- She knows how to get down. - Yeah!

- (BLEEP) all y'all. [laughter]

I want a mother----ing burnt-ass hot dog.

- We have stuff for toppings here.

The chips can be combined.

- Wait, help me get these ----ing potatoes off of there.

- Ow. Ugh. - Wait, that side--

I'll burn myself. - Okay.

Don't get the towel in there. - I know.

- Oh, lookit, Camille has it. Look it, Camille's got

a better thing. - Wait.

It's starting to catch on fire.

- Other than that, we're good.

- So, should I not cook these? - No. Just do it.

- You can cook them.

- Spray, uh, oil or something?

- Oh, these have oil on them. - They do?

What about the hamburgers? - You don't need oil on those.

- You don't? - No.

- Wow. - I don't think so.

- I was a vegetarian up until a few months ago.

I was actually a vegetarian when I met Aaron

and my daughter, Sami, was absolutely

----ing devastated when she found out I ate meat.

It looks very good.

- I've been trying to be vegan for,

like, ten years and then you just give up.

- Does that upset you? - Disappointed.

- It's almost as if I started

doing drugs or doing something really awful.

- You know what, the olive oil was to dust the,

no, not the burgers. - No,

you don't put it on here. - Not on the burgers.

- (BLEEP). - Well, she said

put it on the burgers. - No, baby, on the grill,

on the grill. - Oh.

- Why on the grill? - Because you need to--

they said you need to put the olive oil on the grill

otherwise it'll stick. - Oh, oh, oh.

- Is that plastic? The plastic on the stove,

no, no, no, no. Not a good idea.

- Put the corn on here too.

- That's gonna melt it. Maybe we shouldn't flip with that.

- This is all I have to flip it.

- Can we please move this? Step away from the grill.

These girls do not belong anywhere near fire. Okay?

- Here we can close this a little bit for the steaks.

We wanna get it hotter. - I don't like this.

- I know the--it's not for here, but it's all we have.

- This is all we have?

Remove yourself immediately,

because you're gonna kill somebody, if not yourself.

- Thank God, Kyle! Ugh! - Oh, thank you.

- Wait, wait, wait. - Are you kidding me?

- What is going on?

- Uh, it does not look good. - No, you guys, no.

No. Okay. - You don't understand.

I didn't get a chance to get the olive oil

and they already had everything on there--

- One, turn it down. [all yelp]

- Oh, God. - Camille's fired

from this job. And that thing's burning up,

you can't use the rubber.

This is fine, we got it.

- We can totally handle this guys.

- You two, go have a drink,

play some beer pong. - Thank you.

- No, I got this. - No, you guys are fired.

- We are not fired. - No,

this corner is not gonna cook. - It's better than nothing.

- See, it's fine. - No,

we're not, we're not closing it.

- I know but this--this is the raw--

- You two-- - Okay.

- Don't. - All right we are

----ing fired. - Okay, bye.

- Not cool. Teddi, girlfriend.

I know how to grill meat.

- Camille, did you put the thing on top of there?

- I will rinse it off. It's all my fault, of course.

- Burgers are ready. Here you go.

- Thank you.

- This looks so nice. It's so cute.

- Maybe they won't be so bad. - Maybe they won't.

- [laughs] - Oh, my God,

how quickly did that happen?

Are you guys already eating? - Yeah, we're starving. Sorry.

- Yeah. - Sorry.

- Lisa, have a hamburger or hot dog.

- Wow. - Is it really nice up there?

- Was it great? - There's room for one more.

- I'm--somebody should go. - Somebody should go.

- Is it all right? - Yeah.

- You just take that up. Have a couple of quick bites.

- Just put that back on the grill,

don't worry. - I'll be back.

- Well, this is fun. Camping like this.

- I think it's quite nice.

- And you're getting married soon.

- How're you feeling? - I'm fine.

I can't wait to get married at this point.

- So, Denise can't go? - She's filming,

she's doing a movie. - Oh, she's in that movie.

- She couldn't change the dates.

- Erika can't go. - Erika can't,

and has Lisa Vanderpump RSVPed?

- She's not gonna come if she doesn't--she didn't come

to my bridal shower.

What happened to Vanderpump? She's not here.

She's not coming? - Obviously, not coming.

- Ah. - Like, you've reached out,

you've done everything that you can.

- There's--it's a little,

it's more history, there's more history though.

- But if you really care, truthfully, Camille,

if you really care, don't text her.

Pick up the phone and call her and say,

"I want you at my wedding," if that's the truth

and that's what you really want.

I mean, that's how you handle things.

- Teddi's inserting herself into conversations

that not necessarily she should be involved with.

I'm on the fence about it because I don't want her

to feel like she's forced to come.

- This is your wedding. This is your big day

and the people that are there should be there

because they wanna be there for you.

- She's just a know-it-all. - It's your wedding.

- And I find it irritating.

- Coming up.

- Have you had a happy ending massage?

- Yep. - [gasps]

- Everyone's judging me.

- No! - We wanna know more.

[wolf howls]

- Mm-hmm. Mmm.

- You may continue experiencing

the relaxation of this massage the rest of the evening.

- Thank you so much.

- Who's gonna start the fire?

- I can do it.

Just call me master fire lady.

- Okay. - Where's Lee Adams?

- [laughs]

- Are we making s'mores?

- Denise how was it honey?

- She's good. You don't get a happy ending.

but it's a good massage. [laughter]

- Do they have happy ending places for--for women?

- Yes. - Happy ending for women?

- No, but I mean like, Aaron had never

had a happy ending, and we were on the hunt.

- For one? He wanted one? - Yeah. No,

I wanted him to have one.

- You wanted to let him get a massage with a happy ending?

- Yeah. - What?

You wanted him to have a happy ending?

- I just--he's the only guy that I had ever been with

that never had one, I'm like, you have to try it.

- A happy ending, just to confirm,

is a hand job. - Yeah,

at the end of the massage.

- You have a fetish! - No, I don't have a fetish.

He was the only person that had never had one.

- Only person you know. - Erika, I need you--

I need your brain. - Of all the--

of all the sick guys that I've been with,

he was the only one that hadn't.

- She asked--she and Aaron went on a hunt,

per Denise's choice-- - To--because he had never had

a happy ending massage before. - A jerkoff one?

- Yeah, so we got him one.

- Did he like it?

- He was ----ing mortified.

- But I just needed to understand--

- I'm not judging. I'm just saying I'm not

that cool.

I don't think I'd be considered cool--

- I don't know if that's cool.

I don't know if that is cool.

If anybody came near my husband for a happy ending,

they would lose an arm.

And he would lose a very important appendage.

- Never, ever, ever, gonna happen PK,

so forget about it.

- No, it just--that's not where my freak flag goes.

- If Edwin went to get a happy ending,

he would have a happy removal shortly after.

- I don't know of any man in my life

that hasn't ----ed hookers.

I mean, I've never heard that come out of Tom's mouth,

but I know he was a young man. - Wow,

the conversations we are having on a camp trip.

- So, question, do you watch? - No.

- I love that you look at me like I'm crazy right now.

"Never!" - Kyle's starting to twitch...

- I know. - But you drove him?

- You're twitching your boobs. I can see it.

- I'm wanting to know if--have you had a happy ending massage?

- Have I ever had one? - Yeah.

- Yeah. - [gasps] Really?

- Hold on, what happens with a woman?

Fingerbanging? - What happened?

- Well, not fingerbanging-- - (BLEEP).

- Well, what's it called? - I--ah!

- Oh, my God. - It wasn't here though,

but it--I-I didn't plan for it, it just...

- What're you-- - What?

- I didn't stop it. - Was it a man or a woman?

- What? - Was it a man or a woman?

- It was a woman. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- Why are you sorry? - Hold on, we're curious.

- Everyone's judging me. - No!

- We wanna know more.

- If that's what your freak flag wants to do,

fly it, honey.

Just don't get arrested.

- What did they do to you?

- They ate her out, what do you think they do?

- No, they don't! - What?

- No, no, no. - Erika,

don't walk away like you think that this is like,

that this-- - Because that's the truth,

that's what happens! - But where does that happen?

- That was--that, no. That's not true,

that's not what happened. - Why is everybody acting

like such a ----ing nun? - No, I'm not a nun.

I'm definitely not a nun. - No, I'm not a nun.

- I mean, I see these places, you know, with, like,

"massage" outside, and I thought they were really

getting a massage.

- Did you have an orgasm? - Oh, God.

- Let's make s'mores. [laughter]

- Aaron might be a little upset that I've revealed

this information.

I might get in a little trouble when I get home.

- I wanna know why no one's ever tried to happy ending me.

[laughter]

- All right, who else has secrets to share?

[laughter] - How do we top that though?

- I know, I don't know. - I had a relationship

with somebody in New York for three years,

and we had these incredible sexual encounters.

Doing all this, interesting-- - Like what?

Details please. - Well, they say a man

has a better orgasm if you massage their prostate,

so I went up and massaged his prostate through his bum-hole.

♪ ♪

- Blegh. Ugh.

Guh.

No, uh-uh. Nope.

- You go underneath and massage the prostate.

[laughter] - Camille, you're a legend

- [laughs] "You're a legend"!

- Let's get drinks. - Girls, who wants a drink?

- I'm fine. - Anyone?

- Well, don't have any interesting conversations

without me. Kyle? - Never.

- Promise.

- So, Kyle. - Yes.

- Things are better with you and Dorit since last night.

- PK sent me a text last night and we're fine now.

- Things don't fly out of your mouth that you're not thinking.

Sorry, they don't. - That's true. That is true.

- He said "I had a few drinks." - 'Cause that's who he is.

- That's who he is. - That's who he is.

- Yeah, he's deliberate though. - It's not malicious,

but it's deliberate.

- Maybe it was malicious, who knows?

- What feels malicious? - Oh, we're just talking about,

you know, PK, and the other night.

- Come on.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- Coming up.

- You like to talk out the side of your mouth,

but the second you're with somebody to their face,

you back down. Then you have a whole new

story to play. - Well, my face is right here.

- Maybe it was malicious,

- Maybe it was malicious, who knows?

- What feels malicious? - Oh,

we're just talking about you know, PK,

and the other night. - Come on.

- No, it was a good thing, it was a good thing.

- Okay. - I said I--

that he sent me a text, and I felt good about that.

And, obviously, you went and talked to him.

- I did, I went straight,

and of course I would because, Kyle, he was,

from the very beginning, I told you. I just--

I'm fully appreciative of sensitivity and how you felt.

He really thought, "Well, we hugged.

We're done. We're good."

[groans]

- I really like PK,

it's just men say stupid (BLEEP) sometimes.

They, men do say stupid (BLEEP) sometimes.

- But I also think this situation put everybody

in an uncomfortable way. - Yes.

- So, even if it's not malicious,

you're deliberately trying to cover your own ass.

And then it's, you know, the backtrack didn't go well.

That's what it was. - Ugh, the smoke.

- I know, we have to move away from the smoke.

Let's move over here guys.

- Teddi seems to have an answer for everything.

Gotta love her.

- I think it was PK acting out on how he felt

about the situation. - I know you do.

You saying that it was deliberate or it was

meant you know to hu--it doesn't help the situation.

It's inaccurate, it's unfair, and that hurts me.

- In that moment, I would say it right to PK's face.

I think he's hurt,

but if you're in an uncomfortable situation

and you're not able to clear it up,

you do little lashes and you hope that they're okay--

- Well, it's passive aggression.

- It's just being passive aggressive.

- It really wasn't about Kyle. - I'm sorry,

I have to disagree. - I disagree too.

- I'm telling you I'm not--in this instance it wasn't.

- Sometimes, Teddi, I think you insinuate yourself,

and you're very bright, but I don't,

I don't--I agree-- - You said I'm very bright?

Thank you. Thank you for your approval Camille.

Thank you, appreciate it. - No, no, you're a bright girl.

You're insightful for your--you know,

you're pretty-- - The point was--

- It was very insightful. - "For my age"?

I mean, really?

I hate when people talk down to me.

You feel good? Talk down to me?

All right. - Who talked down to you?

- You did. - Me?

- Because-- - I didn't say--

I didn't talk down to you. I just said that sometimes

you insert yourself into a conversation like after

the night after PK said that.

- But he didn't mean it that way.

- But the hard part is, then he goes,

"We're good. Me and Ken are good.

Me and Vanderpump are good." - That doesn't matter.

I'm not talking about that right now Teddi.

- But you're the heart of that situation.

- And do me a favor, let me have a conversation

with Kyle for two seconds.

- And it upset Kyle,

I thought like, or upset Dorit.

- Stick to the story line and then we can--

- Oh, you're talking down to me now.

- Well cause, I don't like when you talk down to me saying,

"You're young." That's actually--

- But you are. - Very passive aggressive.

- You're young. No, it's not.

- Yes, it is. You don't need to preface it.

We're all human beings but-- - Oh, my God.

- I just said the other night when they had their argument,

you pushed yourself into that conversation and

I thought that was just between the two of them,

and that's how I feel.

And you sat down with Lisa and Ken and you said,

"I know, because I know everything cause I know,

cause I know," and I was like-- - I didn't say

I know everything. I said I'm very direct.

- "I know a lot." - Did you say

you're a know-it-all? - No, I said--

- I said she's a know-it-all. I said that.

I said that to her.

I said I thought that you putting yourself into

the conversation between the two of them,

it was inappropriate. - It was inappropriate.

- That's what I said.

'Cause Dorit came over

to explain things to Kyle

and then Teddi just jumped in.

I just feel like she's a bit of a know-it-all.

- Why wouldn't you say that to me, Camille,

in the moment when we were all sitting there?

What I've noticed about you is you like to talk out of

the side of your mouth but the second you're with somebody

to their face, you back down, and then you have

a whole new story to play. - Well, my face is right here.

- Okay, have I said I know this?

No, I'm expressing my opinion.

- No, you told me she-- - You insinuate yourself

a lot into conversations. - It was a setup.

- Go ahead. What?

- That you thought it was a setup.

- She thought--she comes up with this conspiracy theory.

You felt that it was-- - What, the Boy George blow out

was a setup? - Yeah.

You had this conspiracy about it.

- That was really, it was insensitive.

- It was on purpose.

It was to say you're worse off than I am

in this situation, and that was the intention.

- Teddi's getting a little too big for her britches.

She's always telling us how much she knows.

And if you know that much, you don't have to tell

everybody how much you know.

You know, here's the thing,

it was created by somebody else you guys.

You know what, you're right about that.

The hurt, the original hurt, stems from Lisa.

And her problem--and it's becoming this toxic wave

that's taking over. - What's like a toxic wave?

- Lisa said it all stems from this one person,

I said who? Lisa Vanderpump.

And it's kind of bleeding out and it keeps growing and

getting bigger. - But, well, that's why

we can't let that happen. - Stop it now. Listen.

- We don't care about her, she's choosing not to be here,

fine, we're moving on.

- I am sensitive. The day before I had a friend,

that I believed-- a friend of mine--tell me

she wants nothing to do with me,

we have no friendship, I don't love you.

I still wanna move forward, honey.

- With somebody that you think's lying to you?

- Yes. - Oh, okay.

- I love you. - How can you say you love me?

- Oh, I actually don't.

- And then I go into an evening,

and I have you, and saying-- well I haven't met

your friends-- - You know all my friends.

I already know her friends-- - I don't know all

your friends, I don't know all your friends.

- Well, maybe we're not that good of friends.

- Well great, you just gave me a Lisa line.

It was just like, at that moment,

oh, my God, okay, you know what?

- I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

- I think- - I didn't mean it like that.

- Do we need to talk about happy ----ing endings again?

- No, yeah, we do.

- Should we move onward and upward and forward?

- Give me some more information, Denise.

- I will. - How am I not even drunk?

How is that possible? - Teddi,

you're very drunk for your age. [laughter]

- Yeah, I just wanted to let you know.

- I don't care how old my soul is.

I'm not as old as any of y'all.

[laughter] - Well, that is the truth.

And, you know, the sad part of it all is

I am now the oldest in this ----ing group.

- Well, you know what-- - Oh, you are?

- I am the ----ing oldest right now!

- Coming up.

- Denise, we wanna know if we want to go

to a happy ending place-- - How do you let them know?

- That might do it.

♪ ♪

- Ah! - Oh, not even start with me.

Are you a nut or what? - Obviously.

- Oh, my God. - Well, those are cozy pajamas.

- I know those-- - Isn't that cute?

- This is the good one, for sh-- like this.

- I have to say, mine was really warm.

- I had a dream that you got Portia a squirrel.

You put it on the floor, just like you put

the rat on the floor last night.

[laughter]

[screams]

Oh, they threw that ----ing rat in!

- I never got to go to summer camp,

so this is my summer camp.

- Ah! Assholes.

- What's this wrap hanging out?

- Ah!

You are never too old for slumber parties

and playing practical jokes on each other.

- This turned out to be fun.

- We may have had some little divots,

but all in all I... - It was really fun.

- I had fun. - Hello.

- Hi. Top of the morning.

- Hi. - This is lovely.

- When it comes to Camille, her antics,

I'm used to them by now.

If she likes you today, she may dislike you tomorrow.

I'm gonna go rinse off. See you all in a bit.

And I'm not really interested in going down that rabbit hole.

- I'm gonna eat this pumpkin pie.

Who doesn't want pumpkin pie for breakfast?

That's the breakfast of champions, okay?

- I'd like a piece of pie.

- Love that you're having pumpkin pie for breakfast.

- So good. - I just ate

Cheese Whiz and pumpkin pie for breakfast.

I'm ready to go. Let's get in the car,

it's time to go home. The end.

- Oh, my gosh. - Oh sh--, this is heavy.

- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.

- Like, don't ever call me a diva, honey.

I can carry all my bags.

- Well, that was fun.

- Denise, we wanna know if we want to go

to a happy ending place it-- - Oh ----ing hell.

- Wait, wait, Denise, this is not about you.

We're doing research for our own--

- This is literally about women - Do you want me

to do some research for you? - Yes.

Because Dorit was up all night and couldn't

find one close to her house. - [laughing]

- There's not one-- [laughs]

- Like, how do you let them know?

[laughter] - That, that might do it.

- All right, I have a group announcement.

We're all invited. My show, Sunday. I know--

- Yay.

- I know you're getting married, so that's cool.

- And I'm leaving for Hawaii. - I know you're filming.

- So sorry. I'm so bummed I'm gonna miss it.

- The rest of you, you're invited.

Bring your husbands if you want, if you don't want,

it's great. Globe Theater, downtown.

Easy breezy. Have a good time. All right.

- Yay. - Okay, we love it, love it.

- Erika Jayne! - Erika Jayne--well this,

I gotta go metamorphosize.

Let's get the (BLEEP) up out of here.

- I love when people say,

"Don't listen to the haters, Kyle,"

and I'm like, where are the--which ones?

What did they say?

You making fun of me? On my Instagram?

- I won't look at those responses.

- These kind of trips help your relationships

get to a deeper place.

I have to say, though, it has changed a bit.

You know, with like J-Lo and the Kardashians

and like all--it's like, now, it's like if you're fuller,

it's different. I'm like, "Oh, okay,

well my butt looks big in this. Yay."

[laughter]

- You're laughing, maybe arguing a little,

you're sharing things you wouldn't normally share.

You just get to a different place in your friendship

that you're not going to get to at a cocktail party.

My daughters don't feel that pressure of being thin,

like, that I felt growing up-- - Really?

- Because the body type has changed--yeah.

- Yes. - Well, that's great.

- It used to be Marilyn Monroe, that's what was sexy,

and then they got super skinny.

Kate Moss became--she came and started the whole--

- That's unrealistic. - Heroin chic,

waif-looking, you know? - Horrible.

My girls don't feel that.

- You know, it's not an easy time to grow up.

Imagine being a teenager...

- Teenager and having to deal with it? Horrible.

- And having to deal with social media.

Like, we had a mirror to deal with, basically, right?

- It's hard out there. It is not easy.

The pressure's a lot to be perfect.

Have my girls had a rough time of it? Yes.

- All I cared about was the skinniness.

It's hard, and I don't want what happened to me

to happen to other people. - I know.

Your image was in a mirror, you saw yourself,

and you judged yourself off of that or your friends.

- Yep. - That's it.

- That's it. - All I've tried to do,

more than anything, is to teach my girls self-love

and how to love yourself no matter what.

No matter how you look.

- Do you think women are more pressured,

like, in LA and Hollywood than anywhere else?

- I don't know anymore. - When I'm not

taking care of myself, it really takes away

my motivation, my drive, everything.

- Yeah. - I look at myself

as an art project,

and I'll create whatever I want till I wanna stop.

- I like that.

- ♪ Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya ♪

- Okay, yeah. all: ♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪

♪ Kumbaya ♪

- Next time, on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills."

- You're gonna love the kitchen.

- Oh, I'm so excited.

- Are you ready for this? - Oh, my gosh.

- I have to get going cause I have to get to the airport.

- Mom, why are you crying?

- Because this is a big dance and I feel bad

that I'm not gonna be here to see you leave.

- I wish there was a way I can help.

If you were to come to my wedding,

which you know I would love for you to be there,

I would want you to feel comfortable,

so, will you come?

- I mean it is packed. - How fun right?

It's packed.

[mic squeals]

[mic squeaks]

- That's a disaster. - (BLEEP).

- She's ----ing pissed off right now.

- To learn more about the housewives,

go to bravotv.com.