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Bullwhip, Bullwhip

Bullwhip Griffin

Let villains and ruffians beware

His path never swerved and justice was served

When Bullwhip Griffin was there

(CHIRPING)

(THUNDERCLAP)

(GALLOPING)

(BELL RINGS)

Speaking of California's legendary heroes

Whose praises have been novelized and sung

It's time that we acclaim

A certain gentleman whose name was once upon the tip of every tongue

Back in the gold rush days in wicked San Francisco

He cut a figure dignified and prim

Although extremely frail and physically doomed to fail

He had purity of heart in back of him

Now, to begin our story we must go to Boston

The scene wherein our hero is employed

A home of quality bespeaks of aristocracy

And comfort that is soon to be destroyed

Here is a family friend arriving in his carriage

His person we will presently portray

Attention, first, is due the man in the doorway

Who will be a legend one day

Bullwhip, Bullwhip

PEMBERTON: Good day, Griffin.

-Miss Arabella is expecting you, sir. -Thank you.

I'll take your coat, sir.

Mr. Pemberton. So nice to see you.

Hello, my dear. Thank you. You're looking very beautiful, as usual.

Why, thank you. Griffin, are the others ready?

Yes, miss. They're all in the library except Master Jack. I'll bring him.

Yes, I think he should be there, shouldn't he?

Yes. By all means.

-Isn't it pleasant to have snow again? -Very much, very much...

Roll it about.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

GRIFFIN: Master Jack?

Hey, Griffin. Come on in.

Pour off the water.

Try some soap and water in there sometime if you really want results.

Soap? You don't need soap. This is how you pan gold.

Pan gold?

It tells in there. How to swirl it about...

Gradually pour off the water...

Until you get down to the nuggets.

Oh. Oh. Oh, of course. Well.

GRIFFIN: "Bullwhip Brannigan.

"Or a son of the mother lode."

Bullwhip took Tom Wingay with him to the gold fields.

Tom was just my age and he wrestled with a grizzly bear. Bullwhip did.

But the bear got loose and ran away, so Bullwhip really won!

Mmm. Well, it would be nice, Master Jack,

if you would become better acquainted with the classics

rather than wasting your time upon such trivia.

Trivia? What do you mean, trivia? It's educational.

How?

I bet you can't show me in any of those books

where it tells how to pan gold, or how to wrestle with a grizzly bear.

Hmm. Quite true. They do, however, give an amazing insight

into the rather peculiar behavior of growing boys.

(SIGHS)

Shall we be going? The lawyer is waiting.

LAWYER: "I, Alonzo J. Flagg,

"being of sound mind,

"do hereby declare this to be my last will and testament.

"And I bequeath to my coachman, Harry Silwell Silway..."

Sidwell, sir. Harry Sidwell.

Oh. (CLEARS THROAT) "Uh, Harry Sidwell,

"fifty thousand dollars."

-(GASPS) -Would you say that again, sir?

Fifty thousand dollars.

"To my cook and breakfast table confidante,

"Miss Abigail Gucken kick?"

Abigail Guckennick.

Oh. Miss Abigail Guckennick. "I bequeath $90,000."

Ninety thousand?

"To my housekeeper of many years,

"guardian of my health and custodian of my morality,

"Miss Irene Chesney, I bequeath $100,000."

Oh! What an angel he was.

"To my butler, Eric Griffin,

"who at a young age promises to surpass his father

"and his father's father in doing the proper thing

"in the proper way at the proper time,

"I bequeath $500,000,

"in profound confidence that he will not so much as arch an eyebrow

"when he learns of this bequest."

Half a million dollars?

What a kind, saintly man he was.

LAWYER: "All the remainder of my estate

"plus, specifically, the family residence in Boston,

"together with all of its furniture and furnishings,

"I bequeath to my two grandchildren, my sole surviving heirs,

"Arabella and Jack Flagg."

The document is duly signed, and is quite legal, I assure you.

There never was a finer person born than the old gentleman.

Rest his good soul.

SIDWELL: Amen to that!

So much for the will. Now for the facts.

During the later years of his life,

Mr. Flagg lived not only on borrowed time

but on borrowed money.

(STAMMERING) You mean, he died broke?

Dead broke.

(SOBBING)

Ornery old coot. Probably thought it was funny.

(SOBBING)

Even the mortgage on this house was past due,

long past due.

However, the bank has promised not to foreclose for 90 days.

LAWYER: I'm sorry, my dear.

(SOBBING) Think of poor Miss Arabella. Not even a home to live in.

And a little brother to look out after.

And she's got no training. Never had to go out and face the world.

What's she going to do?

Excuse me, miss. Is there anything I can do?

(LAUGHS)

I'm sorry, Griffin. I know I shouldn't be laughing, but I can't help it.

But, miss, this is a serious matter.

Don't you see? Even writing out his will,

he had to have his own little joke.

Well, if that is what one considers it.

Well, Grandpa used to say people are 98 percent water,

and if you don't stir them up once in a while, they stagnate.

The disturbing thing is, miss,

that he has left you and Master Jack without any financial security.

Unprotected.

Well, I think that's what he wanted most of all.

For us to be free to make our own lives.

But Master Jack is only 12 years old.

Grandpa was only 11 when he ran off to sea.

What about you, miss? It's different for a young lady.

I'm not afraid, Griffin.

There's a lot of Grandpa in me. I'll think of something to do.

If, uh...

If there's anything you want...

-Griffin? -Hmm?

What will you do? Will you get a job somewhere else as a butler?

Well, I suppose so, miss. I really had not given the matter much thought.

Do you remember your ninth birthday party?

When you threw a serving tray through the window

and said you wouldn't ever be a butler when you grew up?

I remember, miss.

But I had rather hoped that others had forgotten.

Oh, how could I forget that, Griffin?

You're the only boy I ever knew in all of Boston

who ever broke a window deliberately.

Thank you, miss.

And now, if, uh, you will excuse me, I shall, uh...

Prepare the dinner menu.

(SIGHS)

I don't know, Grandpa. I guess some people just can't be stirred up, huh?

Miss Arabella! It's Master Jack. Quickly. Where's Miss Arabella?

Miss Chesney! Now, really!

-I was just in Master Jack's room. -Miss Chesney, what is it?

Master Jack. He's gone.

"Dear Arabella. I have set out to seek my fortune

"so you will not have to take care of me.

"When I am rich, I will come back and take care of you.

"Would you please feed my goldfish? Jack."

-Goldfish, indeed. -(SOBS)

Oh! No, not now, Miss Chesney. Go tell Harry to get the carriage ready.

We have to find him and bring him back before it's too late. Go now.

Miss Arabella, look. I'm afraid he has succumbed to the California gold fever.

ARABELLA: Oh, no, Griffin what are we going to do?

I think I know where I can find him, miss, and with your permission,

I shall endeavor to stop him before he gets too far.

Oh, yes, yes, Griffin. Please do.

Oh, uh, yes, miss. Uh, right away, miss.

I have it, gentlemen. A ticket. Gather round, gentlemen, up here.

A ticket for the sailing.

A ticket on the Lady Wilma to San Francisco.

Step right in, gentlemen. Now, this is an unclaimed ticket

that I am going to sell to the highest bidder.

Now, this is your ticket to fortune,

to the gold fields of California. Now what am I offered?

Will some gentleman start this bidding, say at $500?

-MAN: Five hundred. -Thank you, sir, $500.

Remember, gentlemen. This is the last ticket on the beautiful Lady Wilma,

sailing now for San Francisco.

I have five, I'm looking for 550, anybody? $550.

-MAN 2: I'll make it 550. -Thank you, sir. $550.

(AUCTION CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND)

Stay where you are.

-JACK: Are you trying to stowaway too? -Stowaway? Oh, no, lad.

What I needs must shake the murderous hounds pursuing me.

-Are the police after you? -Shh!

MAN: Ah. Here, boy.

In with you. Come on. Give me that.

Who will make it $1,200? $1,200?

-$1,200! -Thank you, sir. $1,200.

I have $1,200. Who will make it $1,250?

Oh, come on, gentlemen.

You can wash that much gold out of your socks every night

-after you get to California. -(LAUGHTER)

All right, gentlemen, who will make it $1,250? Going once...

Going twice... Are you all through, gentlemen?

Oh, you're gonna hate yourselves in the morning.

Going,

going,

-and gone! -Yahoo!

(CROWD CLAMORING)

Oh, yes, sir. Right away. You got a great wagon there, sir.

I'll put that back in the envelope for you. Here. There you are.

Thank you.

-Oh, I beg your pardon, sir. -Oh, pardon me.

-I am sorry. -I'm sure it was my fault.

I'm so excited. I'm going to California for the gold rush!

Good for you! Oh, my hat.

Well, I'm sorry I was... But I... Well...

-Your ticket. -Oh!

The ticket, it's gone.

But I just bought it. Somebody stole my ticket.

(SHOUTING) I've been robbed! Search everybody!

-You, sir. You were over there. -Yes, I was.

He is absolutely right, officer. He bought a ticket. I was there. I saw him.

-You just keep out of this... -I beg your pardon.

I, sir, am Judge Higgins of the appellate court,

and I demand that you search every single man along this...

Wouldn't do any good, though, would it?

Everybody going aboard is bound to have a ticket.

-Let us handle it, Your Honor. -Yes, of course.

Step off the gang plank.

I say, you. Oh, I didn't get your name.

-Brown. Brown, sir. -Mr. Brown.

Why don't you go over there with the aid of these two officers

and carefully...

Carefully now go through all your pockets and see if you can't find it.

You were terribly excited, you know. It's not good to get that excited.

-Yes, sir. Thank you, Your Honor. -Yes. It's quite all right.

-Ready? -Yes, sir.

-MAN 1: Your ticket, please. -MAN 2: Thank you.

You, sir. Are you the captain of this ship?

Captain Swain. If you've any business with me,

say your say and be quick about it.

I have reason to believe that there is a 12-year-old boy

-stowed away aboard your ship. -I have reasons to believe there isn't.

He is the grandson of the late Alonzo Flagg of Boston.

Now, I want no part in no stowaway.

SWAIN: Will you give me your word, as a gentleman,

that you and him'll be ashore before we sail.

Unquestionably.

All right.

I'll show you how to get below.

Thank you.

If the police aren't after you, then who is?

I could a tale unfold whose lightest word would harrow up thy soul.

Freeze thy young blood.

And 'tis better you take heed also, for 'tis true, lad,

he who runneth with the fox must beware the hounds.

Or is it dogs?

(STAMMERING) Yes, well, I think I'd better be going.

(DOOR RATTLES)

(RUSTLING)

Breathe softly and beware.

For it is often said that jackals run in pairs.

JACK: Good grief, Griffin. What are you doing here?

You know him?

You've just knocked out our butler.

Griffin?

Griffin?

-You gave me your word, didn't you? -I have tried to explain, sir.

You took advantage of me good disposition.

Well, you'll work your passage in the bunkers

and you'll rue the day you ever heard the name of Captain Swain!

I am making a formal request, Captain,

that you set us both ashore at your first port of call.

(LAUGHS) I'll put you ashore right enough

but it's what happens between now and then

is what you've got to worry about.

Get away from that. That's not for you.

I appreciate that, sir.

You'll take your scoffings with the crew,

unless I decide to put you on bread and water.

I think I would prefer that, sir, if we have a choice.

We'll leave it to the paying passengers to malign the chow,

if ya don't mind.

If I may make a suggestion, captain.

Rather than waste my talent in the bunker, sir,

if you would permit me to prepare and serve your food

in the fully proper manner, for your own safety, sir,

with the help of Master Jack, my apprentice.

You'll do what I say.

By all means, sir.

Hey.

Have you ever tried your hand at galley grub?

-Galley grub? -He knows all there is to know

-about food. -Knowing and doing

is two different things, especially for a landlubber put to sea.

My grandfather, sir, prepared and served the meals

for Admiral Lord Nelson at the Battle of Trafalgar.

All right.

One chance, I'll give ya. And one chance only.

Oh, thank you, sir.

And if you don't serve me a fair to middling meal,

then it's off to the bunkers for you!

"And while the captain had agreed to set us ashore

"at the first port of call,

"he now refuses to release us from our duties:

"preparing his meals and tending his cabin.

Consequently, we shall continue on to the gold fields,

praying that fortune shall smile upon us

and that you may forgive us the anxiety we have occasioned.

"Master Jack has made friends with a kindly old judge

"who has agreed to post this when we reach Rio."

Doesn't that beat all? The two of them bound for California.

Isn't that just like Griffin? Even if he were assigned to a rock pile,

he'd make himself indispensable.

I can't get over it. Griffin and Master Jack.

All alone in that wild country out west.

Well, we won't let them be all alone. You may start packing my things.

-Don't you say you go. -Why not?

There's nothing I can do here that I can't do in California.

-It's not a right place for a lady. -Oh.

-Oh, sorry. -Some of the stories I've heard.

Men outnumber women 100 to one in San Francisco.

Well, there's nothing wrong with those odds,

especially when a young lady has to earn her own living.

Oh, Griffin wouldn't approve of you going to California.

But I think Grandpa would approve of it heartily.

He wanted me to be free to try my wings.

To find my own place in this beautiful and exciting world.

I'll go lay out my things.

-That's about all. -Oh.

Tell you what, miss. Just to make it a clean deal,

I'll add $5

for the frame and picture.

Oh, I wouldn't part with Grandfather for $1,000.

But if you're going to California, miss...

Oh.

Well, in that case, I'll leave him in your custody.

I'll take the five.

Griffin and Jack who spent their journey in the galley

At last were nearing San Francisco Bay

Their culinary art won over the captain's heart

As the menu grew more elegant each day

As soon as we drop anchor in San Francisco Bay,

every dagblasted member of the crew is going to be over the side

and headed for the gold fields.

Hasn't been a ship left port in months.

Oh.

Do you have any idea, sir, what time we'll get there?

Well, we should get within spitting distance

during the graveyard watch.

Then we should get in tomorrow morning?

Tomorrow afternoon, more likely.

SWAIN: I'm not picking me way through no floating graveyard

-and early morning soup. -Oh.

Now, now, now, sonny.

SWAIN: A few hours isn't going to make all that difference.

Why don't you go and start getting your donnies together?

I'll see you get ashore in the first boat tomorrow.

-You're very kind, sir. -Thank you, sir.

(SLURPING)

(JACK AND GRIFFIN SINGING)

Oh, Susanna Oh, don't you cry for me

For I'm off to California

-Well, well. Griffin. -Uh, by all means, sir.

(LAUGHS) And my little friend Jack, huh?

What a beautiful day for singing.

Watch this.

-(GUFFAWS) -Very good.

Oh, I'll bet you can hardly wait to reach port, huh?

Just barely. Are you going up to the gold fields, Judge?

The gold fields? Oh, I may, eventually.

But there are things in the world more important than gold, son.

This is a new land, and it needs laws and courts and justice.

Laws, courts and justice. Now, those are the things I'm concerned with most of all.

Oh, yes. Laws, courts and justice. Oh, yes, sir.

I really like that Judge Higgins. Don't you?

Well, I don't know, Master Jack.

Sometimes I think he tries almost too hard to be friendly.

What's wrong with being friendly? I thought you told me...

Wait a minute.

(MUFFLED BANGING, MUMBLING)

(GROANING)

-Mr. Bartlett, what happened? -Who did this to you?

-Who did this to you? -They have followed me.

They are on this ship. Ah, the thread of life spins out.

Did you see who hit you?

I was struck down. A coward's blow from behind.

When I came to, I was blindfolded.

I could hear the man ransacking my room.

BARTLETT: I suppose you do know what he was seeking.

(SIGHS)

-But he found it not. -Found what not?

Hidden there lies ample bait to lure the most treacherous of hounds.

A map given to me by a dying man

whom I had befriended in a boarding house in Salem.

A map to the mother lode.

Oh. Yes, well, um...

We will report this to the captain immediately.

Oh, no, it would do no good for I know not mine enemies.

And I do not greatly trust that Captain Swain.

Oh.

Well, sir, I'm afraid that under the circumstances,

there is nothing we can do for you.

Stick with me, you two. If you'll a willing ear incline,

what's mine is yours and what is yours is mine.

-You want us to be partners? -BARTLETT: Aye, lad.

These are the crucial hours as our journey nears its end.

For mine enemies, the time is ripe to strike swiftly,

seize the prize if they can find it and be gone. What say you, friends?

(STAMMERING) Oh, uh...

I'm afraid that, uh, we cannot remain with you here.

We have our duties in the captain's cabin.

Oh, well. No matter.

I will remain locked in here. You can look in on me occasionally.

-Bring me my remaining meals. -Oh, by all means, sir.

And if another living soul should dare to cross that threshold,

t'would be foolishness indeed. I'm sorry.

Griffin! We'll be partners in the mother lode!

-Shh! -Master Jack!

Please?

Very well.

Mother lode indeed.

Don't forget my remaining meals.

JACK: Griffin. Griffin. Hey, Griffin.

-Hmm? -You can see 'em, Griffin.

Lights across the water. Somebody said they're on boats in San Francisco Bay.

-Where do you think you're going? -Don't you want to come and see them?

Oh, yes, yes. All in due time. But you, you should be preparing for bed.

Oh, no. Just when we're getting here? After all these months?

-Don't you realize... -Master Jack,

you're going to have a busy day tomorrow. You need your rest. Obey.

Oh. I stopped by to tell Mr. Bartlett. Boy, is he excited.

Just think, Griffin. If we do find the you-know-what,

and we're partners,

we'll be about the richest people in Boston.

You won't have to be a butler any more. You can buy into a business or something.

Master Jack.

Sit down, Master Jack.

I want to tell you something.

I am proud to be a butler,

as was my father, as was his father before him.

And, uh, I don't understand why everybody...

SWAIN: Fire! Fire in the hold!

Quick! Quick! Quick! Up on the deck! Quick!

SWAIN: Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

(PANICKED SHOUTING)

It's a high and mighty fire, I tell ya!

Make with those would ya! Keep them under control!

Come on! Get back, I tell you!

MAN: Bring that pump over there. That's it. Hold it.

-Excuse us. Excuse me. -Excuse me.

Fire! To the lifeboats! To the lifeboats...

Abandon ship!

Abandon ship! Abandon ship!

To the lifeboats! Fire!

Come on. Be quick. Don't stand there like a fool. The whole ship's afire.

Caution, my friend. Caution.

If you have any small thing of value, you'd better take it along.

Fire! Fire!

Oh. Thank you.

-Turn around. Turn around. -What? Oh.

I think it's the pistol. If you'd be so kind as to hold the pistol

Fire! Fire! Fire!

(ALL CLAMORING)

SWAIN: Man the pumps, I say! Man the pumps!

Lean into it, you heard the captain!

Get them buckets moving! Come on, come on!

MAN: It's a false alarm!

I said it was a false alarm!

Just oily rags. The whole engine room is full of smoke.

A false alarm? What are you saying, man?

Some bilge rat done it on purpose?

Good heavens. It's a trick.

Excuse me.

Belay that line, belay that line. Come on. Get that deck swabbed.

(COUGHING)

-Mr. Bartlett! -What happened?

-Higgins, it was. -Higgins?

-Judge Higgins? -Yes.

I turned my back for a second

and he hit me.

(GROANING)

You stay here. Do what you can to help him.

-Captain Swain. -Captain's on the poop deck.

-Captain Swain? -You'll have to see me later.

Some bilge rats have taken off in my starboard boat.

That's exactly what I was afraid...

(MAN SINGING)

Waiting there just for the findin'

Shinin' bright It's nearly blindin'

California gold California gold

California gold California gold

Waitin' just for me

Gotta claim my golden mountain

Gold that flows just like a fountain

I'll just spend my time a-counting California gold

-Step right in! Free show on the inside! -(SINGING CONTINUES)

Come on in, everybody. Come on in.

California gold California gold

California gold

Oh. Come along. Come on.

Waitin' just for me

GRIFFIN: Come on.

We shan't achieve our purpose by standing there.

I'll bet Judge Higgins won't waste any time getting up to the gold fields.

However, do you realize that if we are to find the scoundrel,

-we shall need a grubstake. -Oh, yes. Hmm.

Look!

Oh! What prices!

My mind will not believe what mine eyes have seen.

Nor mine.

A-ha.

I believe I have a thought which obviously will be of service to mankind

and, I think, gain us the money we need.

(SIGHS)

Permit me, dear friend. I think perhaps I have more experience.

What?

(LAUGHS) All the world is a stage, you know.

Oh. Huh.

Romans, countrymen and lovers.

Griffin, what are you doing? You just gave me a haircut a week ago.

Shh, Master Jack. Not so loud.

Costly thy habit as thy purse.

Hey! Look what's come to town!

There's nothing so becomes a man as modest stillness and humility.

To be...

To be or not to be? That is the question.

Um, I was wondering if any of you gentlemen

happen to have seen a man around town with a scar on his forehead.

His name is Higgins. Judge Higgins.

-I ain't seen him. Have you? -No.

-You? -Uh-uh.

How much you charge for a haircut?

Oh, well, sir. Uh...

For you, I...

Oh, I think the same modest price as a tub bath. $10?

-I'm first in line, then. -Oh.

You go over there and set up as cashier. Sir.

-I'm after him. -Right. Oh.

Oh, sir. I'm very much afraid that for you it will be $15.

-(CLEARS THROAT) Same for me? -Well, yes.

(LAUGHS)

I'll make it ten.

You can even keep your hat on, too.

(LAUGHTER)

Sir?

If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh?

And if you poison us, do we not die?

-And if you wrong us... -(CROWD SHOUTING)

This is a respectable place and I don't want any of your kind coming in here.

SAM: And don't you ever forget it.

Hey, boss.

I go a little while. Mosey around town.

No. I want you to go back inside.

I want to keep you from getting into trouble again.

Aw, gee, boss. You promised me.

All right. But only for a little while.

And remember, keep your hands to yourself.

Sure, boss.

Uh, somebody says you been asking about a man got a scar on his forehead.

Yeah, like down across here, kind of, sort of?

-Yes, yes. -Well, have you seen such a man?

-Sort of a big man, had a beard? -That's right. It's Judge Higgins.

We saw him come ashore in a small boat just about sun-up, I'd say.

Do you know where he went?

Well, he tried to sell us his boat. That's all. We says no.

And then he asks how can he get to Fry Town.

-Thank you, sir. -No, no.

He asked how would he get to Hang Town. Don't you remember?

-Fry Town! -Hang Town!

Oh, you always get everything wrong. Don't you...

Thank you very much, gentlemen. I'm most grateful for your information.

There will be, uh, no more haircuts today.

Why don't you listen? You never listen when people talk!

How are we gonna find out which it is? Fry Town or Hang Town?

Well, now, Master Jack, how do you think it can be done?

Well, one way, Mr. Bartlett could go to Fry Town and we could go to Hang Town.

Exactly. And if either of us picks up the trail, he can inform the others.

Ah.

And we can leave any messages at Sutter's Fort.

Idea, lad, 'tis well said, and t'were better soon be done.

Hmm.

How much do you think it's worth, what we have here?

Oh, well now. I certainly think that's enough to purchase our supplies

and get us started on our way.

Do you have anything to take your share in?

Well I saw no need to buy a poke when I had naught to put in it.

Well now, I think these should do adequately for the moment.

-Would you hold on?

-Oh, yes. -Thank you.

(BLOWS)

BARTLETT: Oh.

-Here you are. -Well...

-Are you the man who cuts hair? -Correct, sir.

Oh, but I have terminated my activities for the day.

No. I want you to cut my hair now. For me.

-Mountain Ox. -Hmm. I reiterate, sir.

I have terminated my activities for the day.

Oh, and uh, well, even if I were to continue, sir,

you see, there are some other gentlemen...

I don't care about other men!

I tell you to cut hair, you cut hair!

Would you please keep your vulgar hands off my apparel?

BARTLETT: You, sir, are a devil.

A born devil upon whose nature nurture could never stick.

Nobody don't call no names on Mountain Ox.

-How dare you, sir! -You big bully!

Why, you little imp! I'll just...

MAN: He knocked out the Mountain Ox!

(CROWD YELLING)

Here's the fella that did it!

MAN: He's out cold!

-MAN 2: You got him a good one! -MAN 3: He knocked the Ox out!

SAM: All right. Coming through. Coming through. What happened?

Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I tell you to stay out of trouble?

All right, fellas, come on. Get back. Give him some air. Give him some air.

Well, what happened? How many were there? Did they gang up on him?

I do hope he's not badly hurt. I am terribly sorry.

You did this?

Well, sir, you see, um...

Well, to tell you the truth, I...

His name's Bullwhip Griffin.

And you oughta see him wrestle a grizzly bear some time.

Master Jack!

(CROWD LAUGHS)

Bullwhip, my name is Sam Trimble.

Oh! How do you do, sir? (COUGHS)

I'm the owner of the Lucky Nugget Saloon.

Oh. Oh, I'm honored, sir, honored. Now perhaps you will allow me...

I'll make you an offer. I guarantee a $2,000 purse.

You take on the Mountain Ox for the bareknuckle championship

of San Francisco. Winner take all!

(CROWD CHEERS)

My friends! My friends.

I am most flattered and I do thank you

but it is impossible as my partners and I must leave for the gold field.

-Immediately. -(CROWD GROANS)

He'll be back and more willing to listen to reason

after he's tramped up enough hills and missed enough meals.

(GUNSHOTS)

How many want to live? Hold up your hands, please.

Now!

Please, do not complain. The land belongs to us.

You come take our gold? (LAUGHS)

We start taking yours!

It don't come out even, though. (LAUGHS)

Eh, Chico? (SPEAKS SPANISH)

BANDITS: Everybody come down. Pronto!

BANDITS: Yoo-hoo.

You come out.

Oh! (LAUGHS)

Turn around.

No funny business! Get in line!

-Judge Higgins! -(LAUGHS)

Yes. Yes, it is, Jack.

Well, how do you do?

Griffin, I... I saw you get aboard and I was hoping we might avoid this.

Oh, naturally.

Uh, please, señores.

First we take care of our business, then you can talk.

Oh.

Hey, Chico? The ring.

Come on.

Gracias, señores. You are most kind.

Now to please take off your coats.

-Now why would he want us to do that? -Move!

Oh!

In the lining is a good place to hide the extra gold coins.

(LAUGHS) I have learned that trick.

No, sir. No, sir.

I have given you my gold, you have taken my watch.

But I refuse to give up my coat. You will have to shoot me first.

You make up the rules, señor, not me.

BANDITS: But I will do anything to make you happy.

-Oh! -(BANDIT LAUGHS)

Gracias, señor!

Muchisimas gracias, señores. You have been, how you say, most generous.

Goodbye!

(WHOOPING)

(GUNSHOTS)

Oh! Now that is marvelous, absolutely marvelous.

-Oh, do stop that! -Stop what?

What you're doing. Oh, by the by,

it is fortunate that fellow did not blow your head off,

for I do believe Mr. Bartlett has a prior claim to that privilege.

-You mean because of the map? -GRIFFIN: Correct.

I now demand that you hand it over, immediately.

-Oh, you do, eh? -We're partners with Mr. Bartlett.

Oh, you are, huh? (LAUGHS)

The reason I didn't want to give up my coat to that bandito,

I had the map sewn into the lining.

And as your friend Bartlett might have said, there's the humor of it.

-Well, I don't think it's very funny. -Neither do I.

Oh, you don't, huh? The two of you working your passage all those months.

(LAUGHS) And the infinite pains I took to get it.

And now we lose it to a bandit who doesn't even know he's got it!

MAN: Come on, you'll get used to things like this,

time you've been here a while.

Will I? You, sir. Will you please hand down our packs?

Right there, sir. The lad and I will not continue the journey.

JACK: But Griffin, we're not...

Don't blubber. As we have no gold. Here, put this on.

We have no heavy coats to keep us warm.

There.

Thank you, sir. It would be foolish for us to continue.

There. Good day. Are you ready? Press on.

I don't see why we couldn't have gone on anyhow.

I mean, even if the map is gone, that's no reason to just...

Shh. I do not think those bandidos will ride very far

with an unwieldy bundle of jackets.

And if they're just feeling around for hidden coins...

(LAUGHS) They may not detect the map. Mmm. Come on.

All right. Let's get aboard. Get that door closed.

No, wait.

Toss it down. That's my bag right there. Toss it down quickly.

Oh, I have a very important engagement.

GRIFFIN: It is.

Oh, see. Look! Look!

(LAUGHS)

GRIFFIN: There we go.

HIGGINS: Why, splendid, Griffin.

Oh, splendid. Oh, I'll take that now, thank you.

HIGGINS: Strange, isn't it, how our paths continue to cross.

Oh, I won't trouble you to help me into it. Just toss it up gently.

No, sir.

I refuse to give you the coat. You'll have to shoot me first.

-No! Don't shoot! -Toss up the coat.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, I have no doubt that you are a scoundrel, Higgins.

But you're certainly not the type who would shoot an unarmed man.

Well, that is purely a personal opinion on your part.

Well, you're certainly not the kind

who would shoot an unarmed man in the back.

Shall we go, Master Jack?

(STAMMERING) Sir? My back was turned.

Shall I count to three?

-One, two... -Wait!

No, no, no, Master Jack! Wait!

-Throw, Jack! -Here!

(LAUGHS)

Oh, smart boy, Jack.

And if I may once again quote your friend Bartlett,

"Parting is such sweet sorrow."

GRIFFIN: Or as he might remind you,

"The path is smooth that leadeth onto danger."

Oh, and I assure you, sir. Our paths will cross again.

Our paths? (LAUGHS)

Going from camp to camp They searched for old Judge Higgins

Who kept himself so cleverly disguised

Their quest would not be through until they found every clue

And every clue was promptly utilized

Let's ask him.

Excuse me, sir.

Sir?

Uh, we wanted to ask if perhaps you had seen

a rather large man pass this way. His name is Higgins. Judge Higgins.

A-ha.

He was wearing a white suit,

and he went through Hang Town, headed this way.

(SPEAKING CHINESE)

Maybe we should go ask some others.

Very well.

You're just wasting your time.

And just what makes you say that, sir?

-Don't none of them talk English. -Oh! Hmm.

Y'all want a dish of chow? Just go in and help yourself.

I always do, every time I pass by.

-Don't they mind? -Well, now, they ain't never said.

At least not so I can understand them. (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS) Oh, yes. Well, I'm afraid we must be on our way.

Now, hold on now. This man you're looking for,

he sure sounds like old Cut Eye up at Shirt Tail camp.

The only trouble is, he's a dentist. He ain't no judge.

Well now, uh Are you sure? Did you meet him?

Meet him? Well, I was the first one he ever pulled tooth for

after he come up to Shirt Tail.

He got me all hooched up so I wouldn't feel nothing. Look here.

Oh.

Ornery skunk pulled every dagbusted tooth that had any gold in it.

We thank you, sir, for the information. Good day.

(MEN SHOUTING)

It's Judge Higgins they're hanging.

I demand to be heard and I will be heard.

Open your mouth.

-In. Inside. -Oh!

Wait!

GRIFFIN: Please! Wait!

Oh, we've come 50 miles. Fifty miles!

We must use your dentist before you hang him.

(GASPS)

(MOANS)

Well, it looks to me like a compound infection of an abscess root.

-HIGGINS: Come closer, boy. -(MOANS)

-Open your mouth. -No! He can't do that.

He can't?

The air. The air. It's very, very bad on the tooth.

-The air. -Oh. Oh, yes.

Yes, yes! The air! The air! Yes.

(MOANING)

Don't touch him! A thing like that could be fatal to a boy his age

if he isn't treated immediately.

Well, boys. What are we gonna do? We gotta do something.

-We just can't let that poor boy suffer. -Please, please.

You must do something to help this poor lad.

All right, boys.

Old Cut Eye been duly tried by miners' court.

And found guilty of thievery, and sentenced to be hung.

-However, this one time, -(CROWD MURMURING)

we gonna temper justice with mercy.

-We gonna let you live long enough -(MOANING)

to pull this suffering boy's tooth.

Why, you'll never regret it, sir.

Thank you, sir. Oh, thank you.

(CROWD MURMURING)

I was never so happy to see anyone in my whole life.

Ow! (WHISPERS) Do you still have the map?

It's where nobody will find it in a hundred years.

Why don't you tell us where it is?

It won't do you any good after they hang you.

Get me out of this alive

and I promise you the map is yours.

You are absolutely ridiculous. How can we possibly do a thing like that?

-They'd shoot us all. -Just give me your word

-that you'll do what you can. -Oh, come along, Master Jack.

HIGGINS: I have it. I have it.

Tell them I can't pull the boy's tooth until the swelling goes down.

It'll take several days.

You.

Give us the map first,

and I promise we'll do everything we can to help you.

-You promise? -I promise.

You said it was where nobody would find it in a hundred years.

That's the first place we would have looked.

Not if I had been buried with my coat on.

(LAUGHS) That's very good.

(GRIFFIN STAMMERING) But this map is no earthly good.

The most important part is missing.

The end of the trail.

Shot away by that insolent varmint who held up the stage.

But you gave me your word to do everything you can.

-We won't do anything. -Master Jack.

Quite right.

Wait, Bullwhip! He tricked us.

Nevertheless, a gentleman does not go back on his word.

Get away from that window, sonny.

Gentlemen, gentlemen!

Now, you simply must wait until another dentist arrives.

But he been convicted. He gotta be hung!

(CROWD ROARS)

Have you ever been awakened in the middle of the night

by an excruciating toothache?

One that throbs and pounds?

Like a thousand hot knives jabbing and searing

until you can feel it down to your toenails?

(GASPS) It could happen tonight.

Yes, it could.

Yes, to you.

Or you.

And you. It could happen to any one of you.

Ah. But how? How will you feel then, tonight,

when you have hanged the only available dentist this morning?

But for the time being, he's worth more alive to us than he is dead.

But he gonna be under guard every minute.

And we gonna get on with the hanging just as soon as another dentist shows up.

Oh, and one thing more.

As head of the miners' committee,

I'm ordering you and that boy to get his grave dug.

MINER: Have it ready and waitin'.

Kind of a reminder to him that we mean business.

Dig her plenty deep, too.

We're gonna get rid of that crook once and for all.

You know what I thought was nice about Bullwhip Brannigan?

Towards the end of the book, after he built his rock palace

and married the Indian princess?

Indian princess?

-Oh! -He told Tom Wingay,

"No matter where you travel in this life,

"you'll always have a home to come back to. Here. With us."

Bullwhip, why don't you get married?

Well, Master Jack, for one thing,

I never happened to meet an Indian princess.

It wouldn't have to be that. What about Arabella?

Oh, now really, Master Jack!

(STAMMERING) You shouldn't talk like that. That's not proper. She's a lady.

-Well, you like her, don't you? -Look, that is not the question.

You're always peeking sideways at her picture when I put it up.

Please, Master Jack.

And she always carries the locket you gave her

-when she was in the sixth grade. -That is enough.

Well I just thought it would make us really brothers. Brothers-in-law,

and then if you and Arabella had a house and you wanted me to...

Oh, look.

(STAMMERING) Look here.

-Do you think it's a mother lode? -Well, you know it could be, Jack.

It certainly could be. Look. Oh!

That's the first time you've called me Jack, not Master Jack.

We're partners. That is gold! Gold!

Nuggets! Look!

Oh! Oh, look!

It is, it is, it is. Look at that. Look.

Oh, We have to get word... We have to get word to Sutter's Fort.

We have to alert Mr. Bartlett.

Oh, look! Oh, we're going to be so rich!

Stop. Careful.

Listen, you promised to keep me alive until another dentist showed up.

Well, we just found out. Old Bixby, there. He can pull teeth.

Why, he's no certified dentist!

Well, he's pulled teeth before. He can do it again if he has to.

-Come on, boys. Let's get on with it. -You're gonna trust your teeth with Bixby?

Cut Eye, I don't know what you're stewing about.

You ain't gonna need no dentist, not where you're going. (LAUGHS)

MINER: Strike! Big strike!

A man and a boy was digging a grave! Hit a vein of pure gold!

Whoa, boy! Whoa! Whoa!

-Come on, come on. -Pete, don't... Hold it.

Pete? Pete? Pete. (STAMMERING) Don't go.

(STAMMERING) Don't let loose!

-Don't... Don't... -(STAMMERING) He'll be all right.

-He's used to this. Don't worry. -Whoa, boy.

Oh!

(WHINNIES)

(SHRIEKS)

Help! Somebody help!

Sailing up through the Golden Gate came Arabella

Of whom we momentarily lost track

At once it must be told She did not search for gold

But to find her butler and her brother Jack

Thank you.

Oh!

Permit me, if you will. My name is Sam Trimble.

Merchant and civic leader at your service.

As one who appreciates the pulchritude

and charm that is so rare in our young city,

may I say welcome to San Francisco.

Thank you.

May I ask what brings such a lovely young lady

all alone to a place like this?

Well, I'm not really all alone. My brother is here.

Oh. Big brother?

Little brother. Twelve years old. Our butler is with him.

-Gold seekers, by any chance? -Yes.

Boys, bring those things inside.

Well, there's no point in staying out here in the wet and cold.

And we'll have to figure out a place for you to stay, a respectable place.

But I'm afraid there aren't too many of them.

Well, isn't there a hotel?

Oh, yes, but you wouldn't want to spend 20 or 30 dollars a night, would you?

Now, there's no telling when they'll be back.

If the rains ease off, they may stay in the hills two or three more months.

ARABELLA: Oh, really?

Winter had blown its icy breath into the mountains

The miners could not tolerate the cold

Their tools were strewn about while their claims gave out

And the gold rush at last rushed out of gold

Bullwhip, Bullwhip Bullwhip Griffin

As homeward their recollections roam

Onboard and afloat Downriver, by boat

Upon their journey back home

Remember the first time we saw the lights of San Francisco?

I sure do. Right after that was when Judge Higgins stole the map.

Now there... There's a lesson to remember.

He was the one with all the clever, crooked, cunning schemes

and yet you, Mr. Bartlett and I, we are the ones to end up with all the gold.

GRIFFIN: Come along. We'll be docking very soon.

I think we should put our things together. Oh, and one other thing.

There is absolutely no advantage whatsoever to wearing a money belt

if you keep fussing around and letting everybody know you've got it.

Passenger Griffin!

HIGGINS: Eric Griffin report to the captain in the wheel house.

Immediately.

Well, now, that is most peculiar. Huh!

I wonder what the captain wants with me.

Excuse me, sir. Did you see somebody just pass by this way?

(MIMICKING CHINESE)

I see. You go back there.

All right! You go to our cabin. And I'll see what the captain wants.

(MUFFLED SHOUTING)

Shh!

-Judge Higgins! -(MIMICS CHINESE)

I'm gonna have to ask a little favor of you, boy.

(STRUGGLING)

Give me your word you won't call, holler or try to run away.

(MUFFLED SHOUTING)

I don't want to hurt you, boy.

Now, we've been good friends, remember?

Besides, I'm very grateful to you and Griffin

for excavating my share of the gold and transporting it down from the hills.

Now you listen, Jack. Listen carefully.

It's a very fine point of the law.

But a man's grave is his castle. Did you know that?

-Mmm... -Did you know?

-No, sir. -Well, it is.

A man's grave is his castle.

If you find gold in my grave,

well, it's no more than right that I should share in part of it, isn't it?

Yes, sir.

You're a smart boy, Jack.

I knew you'd see it my way if I explained it clearly to you.

Now, you understand, of course, that I'm going to have to gag you

and tie you up, huh? But we're still friends, aren't we? (GRUNTS)

Help! Somebody help me!

Help me! Somebody! Help me!

Help me! Bullwhip! Help me!

Help me! Bullwhip, help!

-Somebody help me! -HIGGINS: Part of this belongs to me!

Jack? What's the matter? Jack?

Help!

Thank you.

CAPTAIN: Man overboard! Throw the line!

-(WHISTLE BLOWS) -Another man overboard!

Bullwhip, the gold.

All... It's all right. (COUGHS)

It was Judge Higgins. He was after me.

-Higgins! -CAPTAIN: Haul away, men.

Steady, now. Steady on those lines.

CAPTAIN: Hold. Easy, now. Steady.

That's it. Steady.

Easy, now. Give me your hand, son. Easy, now.

CAPTAIN: Come on. Up we go.

Easy. There we go.

Let me have that blanket. Keep you warm, son.

There's a big man dressed like some others.

But he's Judge Higgins. And he tried to rob me.

Round up all the men, and take 'em to the wheel house.

All right. Break it up. Back to your cabins.

-CAPTAIN: We'll be docking pretty soon. -(SPLASH)

It's not fair. It isn't. Everything gone.

After all we've been through.

-It's all my fault. -Now, now, come on, now.

No, no, no, no. That's silly.

-Come on. Buck up. -(SIGHS)

After all, we are still in California.

And there's still enough gold for all those who know how to get it.

Fortunately, we did not lose our scissors.

MAN: All right, boys. Here's your chance.

As I said, leaving here in two days, the Robert Emmet leaving for New York.

Howdy, neighbors. Where you boys from?

-Charleston, Savannah, New York? -Boston. Why?

Boston! Say, you gentlemen really are in the very best of luck.

Why, I can book you passage on the Robert Emmet leaving in just two days.

Now if you just step in here to the office,

I'll arrange for the passage. We got the tickets all set...

Now, will you wait? At the moment, we are hardly prepared.

$250 each, you can't beat a price like that direct to Boston.

That's quite a few haircuts.

(STAMMERING) Therefore, we had better waste no time

in finding a barrel and setting up shop.

Thank you. Good evening.

JACK: "Haircuts, 50 cents."

Absolutely impossible.

No waiting, gentlemen. Step right inside.

Fifty cents? It used to be $15.

Times have changed, boy.

Thousands of men flocking into town,

willing to do anything just for the price of a square meal.

BARBER: I'm telling you the truth.

I'll make it 35 cents for each of you.

JACK: I'm hungry.

Yes.

Oh, well.

Think about something else.

But how can I when I'm hungry?

Well, concentrate your thoughts on...

What would happen if we went in, ate our fill and then couldn't pay?

We would be thrown out.

And none too gently.

Step inside, gents.

I'm game if you are.

We shall risk the consequences.

All right, gents. Where else but in the Lucky Nugget

can you get the best steaks west of the Mississippi?

See the dancing girls and hear the Boston Belle.

All right now. Step right up, gents.

-Come on, Griffin. -Wait.

(WHISTLES)

If we are going to be thrown out,

at least let it be from the best place in town.

ANNOUNCER: Hear the only piano in San Francisco

and listen, listen to the voice of the Boston Belle!

Come on, everybody!

The best show in San Francisco. Move right on to the inside.

All right, gentlemen. Come right on in.

They ate a big meal inside, run up a big bill...

-Oh, dear. -Maybe we'd better go to the other place.

We will not. Come along.

(SHOUTS)

I'll throw you out.

Will you let us through, please, sir?

-Will you please? -Ah, Bullwhip!

MOUNTAIN OX: I wait a long time.

You come back. Now I fix things good.

I am not aware of anything that requires fixing.

(LAUGHS)

-Who is he? -That's the great Bullwhip Griffin.

I seen him knock out the Mountain Ox once with his open hand.

-Why... -Fight, fight, fight!

You better leave him alone.

This time he might close his fist and you never will come to.

-Jack! -(LAUGHTER)

All right, Bullwhip.

Close your fist.

And show everybody how you knock out Mountain Ox.

Go ahead. Hit me.

Please hit me!

Oh!

You do rather tempt one.

-However... -SAM: Wait, wait. Hold it.

Ox? How many times have I told you

to stay out of trouble? To quit fighting, huh?

Now I'm not gonna tell you again! All right, you two. Go on, get outta...

-Bullwhip? -Yes.

Bullwhip! When did you get back? It's good to see you.

-Oh, thank you. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) -Everybody, Bullwhip Griffin is back!

(ALL CHEER)

Don't fight him here. Not here. Don't hit him. Don't even touch him.

(CROWD MOANS)

Aw, gee, boss.

Everybody say Bullwhip knock out Mountain Ox with one hand.

OX: Not even closed fist.

Now you say don't fight. You break Mountain Ox heart.

(CROWD MURMURS)

There are men who would pay thousands of dollars to see this fight.

Thousands of dollars. You understand, you big ox?

Yeah, boss.

Go back inside and have a drink. I'll talk to you later.

Everybody. The drinks are on the house.

(CHEERING)

You know, as I said the last time you were here,

I'm still willing to guarantee a $2,000 purse.

Winner take all. Now what do you think?

Oh, well, naturally, one must discuss that...

We can't think on an empty stomach.

SAM: Oh, of course not, of course not.

I'll set you up a nice, juicy steak dinner.

-And then we'll talk. -It is a bit past our dinner time.

Good, good! I'll get a table ready. (LAUGHS)

Oh! Oy.

I wish you really were Bullwhip Brannigan,

so then you could go ahead and fight the Mountain Ox.

-Sure you do. -Boy, that'd serve him right.

(LAUGHS)

(MUSIC PLAYS)

Jack, this is not a proper place for a boy of your age

and you certainly should not display such an interest

in, um, the ladies who perform here. (CHUCKLES)

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

LADIES: And now, gentlemen, the moment you have awaited.

Presenting the Boston Belle!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

(PIANO MUSIC PLAYS)

The nights are bright in San Francisco

They're just as bright as gay Paris

Because the girls of San Francisco

Do the dance that you've all come to see

So if you're new to San Francisco

And want some hometown hospitality

Just pull up a chair, boys You're welcome to stare

But open your pokes, boys and pay for the fare

The girls of San Francisco...

Jack! You must not do that!

Griffin. It's Arabella singing.

So pull up a chair, boys You're welcome to stare

But open your pokes, boys and pay for the fare

The girls of San Francisco will treat you right

At the Lucky Nugget tonight

(LADIES SINGING) The nights are bright in San Francisco

They're just as bright as gay Paris

Arabella! Look over here!

Because the girls of San Francisco

Jack!

That you've all come to see

Jack! Oh! Let me look at you.

JACK: We found a whole bunch of gold, but we lost it when I fell in the bay.

Oh!

Griffin! Oh, Griffin, you look so different!

You're tan and I don't think I've ever seen you without a tie.

(STAMMERING) Oh, Miss Arabella, you should not be here alone.

Not in a wild town like San Francisco.

-Certainly not in a saloon. -Oh, Griffin. I'm not alone.

I'm with you and Jack. And as for singing in a saloon, I love it.

Gosh, but you look pretty, Arabella. And you sing good too.

Wait a minute!

(STAMMERING) The steamship Robert Emmet.

It leaves in two days for Boston. And you are going to be on it.

-Oh, Griffin... -You can't do that, Griffin.

Well, well, well. Arabella.

I see you've found your butler and your brother.

I'm very happy for you.

-(CROWD CHEERING) -However, the world cannot stand still.

-You have another number to sing. -Oh, yeah.

Well, you two wait right here, huh?

Maestro.

Last night I was rolling round the floor

With a lot of handsome fellows I had never met before

Then abruptly someone stole a kiss

I couldn't see who it could be

But I can tell you this

If you would kiss me again

Whoever you are

Hold me again, whoever you are

Never again would I let you get far

From your lovin' mama Whoever you are

So if you're fat or you're skinny You're tiny or tall

You come from Virginny St. Lou or St. Paul

Come out, come out from wherever you are

'Cause I'm yours forever Whoever you are

(ARABELLA CONTINUES TO SING)

Bullwhip? How are you gonna get the money for Arabella's boat ticket?

The day after tomorrow, Miss Arabella and you are going to be on that ship.

Yours forever

Or maybe yours forever

Yours forever

Oh, baby

Yours forever Whoever

Whoever you are

(CROWD CHEERING, WHISTLING)

Well, Bullwhip. What about my offer?

One question. If I agree to fight the Mountain Ox,

will you give me $1,000 cash advance immediately?

-No, Bullwhip. Don't do it. -No, we find it makes a better fight

-winner take all. -Oh, a better fight.

(CHUCKLES) Well, we haven't agreed there's even going to be a fight.

Oh, well. If you are reluctant, it really doesn't matter.

Well, wait a minute. Wait. Let's not quarrel over it. Uh, Joe.

It's a gentleman's agreement, then.

You'll fight the Ox, let me set the time and place. Right?

Oh, well, I'd need a place to train, a place to stay.

That's no problem. There's a little room next to the stables at my hacienda.

SAM: It's not very fancy, but...

Why don't you tell Mr. Trimble how you knocked out the Mountain Ox.

Mr. Trimble is not interested in technique.

All Mr. Trimble wants is a match. Right?

-Right. -MAN: Hey, Sam?

Bullwhip, are you out of your mind?

(MOANS) Possibly.

You can't pull that loaded glove trick in a bareknuckle fight.

-That is not important. -You wanna get yourself killed?

-Oh -(DRUM ROLL)

Gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? An important announcement.

I'm very happy to announce that the fight of the year

will take place here at the Lucky Nugget Saloon

one week from tonight!

(CHEERING)

A boxing match? No, gentlemen. A grudge fight

for the bareknuckle championship of San Francisco

between the present undisputed champion, the Mountain Ox!

(CHEERING)

Facing the challenger, the only man who has ever knocked out the Ox,

the legendary and much-talked-about Bullwhip Griffin!

(CHEERING)

SAM: Now tickets go on sale tomorrow for those of you who can afford them.

And those of you with heavy pokes, if you want to sign up now,

go over to the bar. We'll save some good seats for you.

Bullwhip Griffin?

Do you have even the remotest idea of what you are doing?

I have seen the Mountain Ox take three men twice the size that you are

-and destroy them. -He's doing it for money, Arabella,

to send us home. He doesn't care what happens to him.

-Oh. -I wouldn't take that.

That's blood money. What do you think I am?

I know what you are. You are a lady.

And you don't belong in a place like this.

No. And neither do you. Come along.

Come on!

And then he took the glove filled with gold and he swung it.

Swung it like a blackjack.

My brother Jack told me the whole story last night.

Why, that shifty little shyster.

He had everybody fooled, even the poor Ox. He never suspected anything.

So, you see, Sam, you've got to call it off.

Well, it really doesn't matter.

It may not be much of a fight, probably won't last too long,

but they can't say it's my fault.

Sam, he's not a fighter, he's a butler. He could get killed.

What are you getting steamed up about? Why do you need a butler?

Sam, here's your money back. Now call the whole thing off.

Call it off? Are you serious?

Honey, you and I are in a position to make some pretty shrewd bets.

I mean, we know something that those men out there don't know.

Oh. Well, and suppose I just go out there

and tell them the same story I just told you?

No, I wouldn't do that.

No. Because then they wouldn't place their bets.

I imagine they wouldn't even buy tickets for your little fight.

Probably not. They'd be too busy

stringing up your little butler by the neck.

-(CHUCKLES) -Honey,

a lot of bets have been made.

They'd lynch him before sundown.

Well, you'd better think of something, Sam. Or I quit.

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. Uh...

Look, I'll have the Ox go easy on him.

You know better than that.

Once the big Ox gets wound up, there'll be no stopping him. He...

He'd beat Griffin to a pulp.

Well then why don't you stay with me?

It's a lot more fun to be on the winning side.

-You are a beast! -Maybe so.

But remember I'm still your friend and if you ever want your job back...

Oops!

I always thought you were real smart about everything

but this doesn't seem very smart to me.

Master Jack.

Now, I have a feeling that brute force is not always decisive.

I shall endeavor to combine agility

with a certain basic knowledge of fisticuffs.

Fortunately, I once read the Gentleman's Guide to Boxing.

All he'll have to do is land just one blow.

ARABELLA: Griffin?

Griffin? Jack?

I quit my job and I sent word to the captain of the Robert Emmet

to hold places on board for us tonight.

Oh, Miss Arabella, I'm so glad you've come to your senses.

-Yes, well, three places. -Three places.

Well, there's more than enough here for the three of us.

We could sneak on board tonight and we'd be out to sea

before anyone realized you were gone.

Miss Arabella, I couldn't do a thing like that. I've given my word.

What, to Sam Trimble? Why, he'd double-cross himself.

Well, even so.

Wouldn't you rather break your word than have somebody break your neck?

Sure.

Well, I am going right down and book two passages.

Why, you can book as many as you like 'cause I shan't be aboard when it sails.

Neither will I.

Oh, dear.

Well, look, even if you are going to stay here, you two,

you're going to need this to live on.

You go out and get yourself killed

and we sit around, spend your money? Don't be silly.

How are you going to live? Now you have quit your job.

But I can get my job back.

I will not have you singing in a saloon. I will not permit it.

-You will not permit it? -GRIFFIN: No!

Nor do I wish you to associate with Sam Trimble.

Oh, the way he looks at you!

Well, for your information, I like the way he looks at me.

Master Jack.

Griffin is jealous.

Well, since you insist on going through with this fight, Griffin,

I guess we're all in it together.

All right, gents.

You all heard what Sam Trimble said.

He's giving 20-1.

20-1, mind you, on the Mountain Ox to win.

-Joe? -Yes?

This is the new book-keeper I hired to give you a hand.

Oh, good. Start with those pokes. Weigh 'em out, will you?

-And then put 'em in the safe. -Don't you worry.

I will take care of everything.

Gents, gents!

Where's your sporting blood? Come on, get out those heavy pokes.

SAM: I'm offering 30-1 on the Mountain Ox to win.

(CROWD CLAMORING)

I sure hope the Mountain Ox would rather dance than fight.

Very good.

ARABELLA: Oh!

GRIFFIN: Oh!

You know, I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to win

-merely by staying out of his way. -Well, for now, let's just concentrate

-on how you're going to survive. -(MOANS)

The first thing I'm going to do after this is over

is buy three tickets to Boston.

Oh, well, your best chance with the big Ox is to get him angry

so that he loses his temper and then he goes berserk.

-I've seen a sample. -Well, let's get started.

-Fine. -Come on.

Now, I'll be the Mountain Ox.

-Ready? -Yeah.

(GRUNTING)

Mr. Bartlett! Hey! Wait till Bullwhip sees you!

Oh, desist a moment, dear lad.

They hold the stage. Let them play out the play.

You didn't hear about what happened to us, did you?

Coming back from the gold fields?

No, but let us exchange such tales as we have

within the shadows of this rampart

whilst observing yon gladiators.

So this is all we wound up with,

but I'm sure Bullwhip will let you have a third of it.

Well, thank you, but by a happy circumstance,

while being pursued by a grizzly bear,

a great hairy beast,

I perchanced to stumble into a deep hole,

and upon striking the bottom, struck upon a bed of golden nuggets.

(LAUGHS)

Of course, it is not the mother lode we share among us.

And yet, uh, who can gain say?

Might it not lead on to equal fortune?

ARABELLA: Whoa!

Methinks David and Goliath, and at 30-1 odds.

Now, let us take our gold and make haste to the Lucky Nugget.

Don't you want to talk to Bullwhip, meet Arabella?

There is a tide in the affairs of man,

which, taken at the flood, leads onto fortune.

Now, let us not tarry until the tide has turned.

(GRUNTING)

Oh, Bullwhip.

(TRUMPETING)

I'm telling you, it'll be the fight of the year.

-Good luck, Sam. -We can't lose.

Sam. Get them seated, let's get the fight on.

All right, gents. Take your seats. The fight is going to start in a while.

(DRUM ROLL)

Knock him out, Bullwhip. I bets my poke on you!

I got everything I own riding on you, Bullwhip.

You just gotta win.

Good luck, Bullwhip. I'll lose my shirt if you don't win.

Those men who've wagered on me, they expect me to win.

So does Mr. Bartlett. He bet all his gold on you, Bullwhip.

-On me? To win? -At 50-1 odds.

This tent saloon, his gorgeous hacienda,

all his gold, he will forfeit to us.

-And you know that $1,000? -Jack, you didn't.

No. Mr. Bartlett did it for me.

Oh, well, then.

I shall be forced to trounce the scoundrel.

(CHEERING)

Hold it. Save it for the fight. Just one blow and it'll all be over.

(CROWD BOOING)

(BELL RINGS)

Go get him, Bullwhip.

There's gonna be one minute between rounds.

And the round ends when any part of the anatomy touches the ground,

excepting the feet.

Now I don't want no strangleholds.

-(CRACKING) -(BOOING)

And no stomping a man when he's down.

Now, let's have a good, clean fight, and let the best man win.

(CHEERING)

Now that was not fair.

You simply must observe the Marquis of Queensberry rules.

Huh?

Stop using them cuss words! I said a clean fight.

(BELL RINGS)

JACK: Come on, Bullwhip! Hit him!

Come on, Bullwhip!

Hit him! Will ya hit him?

Attaboy, Bullwhip! He can't hurt ya!

Make him stand still so I can hit him!

No rules says he's gotta. Let's get on with the fight.

-Boo! -Boo!

SAM: Come on, Ox! Move in!

All you have to do is land one good blow.

SAM: Behind you, Ox!

(LAUGHTER)

No, Griffin, no. Don't stand there. Move around.

Hit him, you big ox!

(BELL RINGS)

You big bully!

REFEREE: The winner of round one,

the Mountain Ox.

(CROWD ROARS)

Water, quick! We can't let them see that he's out.

20, 21, 23...

-Uh, 22. -22? 22.

-I sure hit him, didn't I? -You sure did.

25, 26...

(TRUMPETING)

MAN: Attaboy! Attaboy!

Now don't let him get you mad. Finish him off this round.

I want to open up the bar.

Dance around. Make him chase you. Get him mad!

-He's gotta catch you to hurt you. -He's terrified of you.

(BELL RINGS)

ARABELLA: Move around, Griffin!

(YELLING)

Will you quit playing around? Get in there and hit him!

SAM: Now! Hit him!

SAM: Ox, will you hit him?

Yoo-hoo! Oxy-Woxy?

You're supposed to be dancing with... I mean, fighting with Bullwhip, not him.

Why don't you just hit him? Hit him!

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

MAN: Watch it. He's coming back.

MAN: Do it, Bullwhip!

You know, there's a lot more where this came from.

May as well be greedy, huh, partner?

(SCREAMS)

Stop! Wait for him!

Ahh!

-Trip him! Trip him! -That's a good idea.

I didn't mean him. Come on, Ox. You're not hurt.

The winner of round two, Bullwhip Griffin!

(CHEERING)

Easy! Take it easy! Take it easy!

-What happened? -Take it easy, Ox!

Oh! I don't know if I can run another mile.

Now, don't get mad.

Who's mad!

Take it easy, Ox. It's gonna be all right.

You're okay, champ. Take it easy.

Go get him, Bullwhip. You can do it.

(BELL RINGS)

He's in back of you, Bullwhip!

SAM: Ha-ha! You've got him now, Ox! Hit him! Hit him!

I got him now.

You've got him now. Finish him off.

Wait, wait! It's not over.

Both fighters has got one minute to reach his scratch line.

Come on!

JACK: Bullwhip, Bullwhip!

Bullwhip, don't just lie there.

JACK: Bullwhip, wake up!

You gotta win, you've just gotta!

Ox. Ox, come one, get up! You gotta win or I'm ruined!

BOOKKEEPER: 21, 22, 23, 24,

25, 26, 27, 28,

29, 30.

-Help me get him to his feet. -Oh, Jack, help me lift him. Uh!

(TRUMPETING)

-(GRIFFIN MOANS) -Come on, Griffin, get up.

-55... -Good heavens!

Good heavens! 56...

-57... -Toe the line, Griffin.

58, 59, 60!

My good man, were you looking for this?

(BELL RINGS)

The winner

and new bareknuckle champion of San Francisco

-Bullwhip Griffin! -(CHEERING)

What are we gonna do, boss? You're wiped out.

Get the gold out of the safe. We'll take it out the back way. Go on!

The bookkeeper! He's stolen all the gold!

He's getting away!

MAN: Fire! Fire!

The gold. It's ours. Part of it, anyway.