Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,975
Buy yourself some driving gloves.
2
00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:18,309
Whew, it's hot.
3
00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:20,520
Watch the bag guy, watch the bag guy.
4
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,522
- Right. Uh, please put those on the bottom.
- Those shoes need a shine, kid.
5
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,441
- Those are hats. Hats on top, right-side up.
- Yes, ma'am.
6
00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:26,526
- Hats on top. So you remember.
- Thank you, sir.
7
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,862
Maisel and Myerson. You got
a girl? Take her to a show.
8
00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:31,351
- Thank you.
- I'm sweating my ass off. Are you sweating your ass off?
9
00:00:31,352 --> 00:00:33,555
- Take off your jacket.
- How's that gonna help my ass?
10
00:00:33,556 --> 00:00:35,160
- Welcome to the Fontainebleau.
- Susie Myerson.
11
00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:37,452
- Buy yourself something pretty.
- We're here with the Shy Baldwin tour.
12
00:00:37,453 --> 00:00:38,705
Ah, yes. Follow me.
13
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,732
- Susie Myerson. Remember the face.
- I will.
14
00:00:40,733 --> 00:00:42,167
- Susie Myerson. Remember the face.
- Absolutely.
15
00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:43,918
Susie Myerson. Remember the face.
16
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,712
You don't have to tip
everyone, you know.
17
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:48,006
Eh, to be a big shot, you
got to act like a big shot.
18
00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:49,090
Big shots tip.
19
00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,508
But that guy doesn't work here.
20
00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:51,718
What? Shit.
21
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,636
Hey! Give me that back!
22
00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,327
Oh. 'Scuse me.
23
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:28,421
- Hello. I'm Miriam...
- Got it.
24
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,923
- Oh.
- Maisel and Myerson.
25
00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:31,674
That's for you. Get
yourself a hokeypokey.
26
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:34,177
- Welcome to the Fontainebleau. We have you in a...
- Standard room,
27
00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,678
- twin beds.
- Facing the ocean, not the pool.
28
00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:37,263
- Away from the elevator.
- And the ice machine.
29
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,015
- But near the cigarette machine.
- And the emergency exit.
30
00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,183
- What floor?
- Tenth floor.
31
00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:41,377
Ooh, too high.
32
00:01:41,378 --> 00:01:42,560
Room service gets cold.
33
00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:44,229
- And you can't jump out if there's a fire.
- Mm.
34
00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,564
- Third floor. Away from families.
- Kids scream.
35
00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:47,774
- She swears.
- No kids.
36
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,067
Oh, no first-time fuckers.
37
00:01:49,068 --> 00:01:50,321
- Pardon me?
- Newlyweds.
38
00:01:50,322 --> 00:01:52,034
- They scream, too.
- Anything else?
39
00:01:52,035 --> 00:01:54,405
Yes, do you have a set of hotel
schematics we could look at?
40
00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:56,324
We're most interested in the
kitchen ventilation system
41
00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:57,575
and the routing of the ductwork.
42
00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,077
Remember the Ambassador in L.A.?
43
00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:00,912
Whole place smelled like chlorine
44
00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:02,372
and discount cocaine.
45
00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:03,915
I'll go ask.
46
00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:06,405
How many of the words in that request
47
00:02:06,406 --> 00:02:07,452
do you think she understood?
48
00:02:07,453 --> 00:02:09,254
Not everyone outside
of Manhattan's an idiot.
49
00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:12,549
- Well...
- Okay, Fontainebleau.
50
00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:16,052
What things can I playfully
lampoon about you in my act?
51
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:17,554
Susie.
52
00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:19,097
A staircase to nowhere.
53
00:02:19,098 --> 00:02:20,515
A what to where?
54
00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:22,517
See that staircase? It's
there just so the ladies
55
00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:24,143
can walk down in their finest dresses
56
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,145
- and everybody can watch them.
- Well, there you go.
57
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,815
You can do an entire act on
that completely asinine...
58
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,567
Oh. You don't want to make fun of it...
59
00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,402
- you want to walk down it.
- Well, that new green dress
60
00:02:32,403 --> 00:02:34,028
is just dying for some attention.
61
00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:35,697
Uh-huh. See, I never know
62
00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:37,699
when Borscht Belt Barbie's
gonna come back out.
63
00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:39,868
Okay. Go ahead. Walk down the staircase.
64
00:02:39,869 --> 00:02:42,412
I'll be in the bar, wondering
why I never used my law degree.
65
00:02:42,413 --> 00:02:44,497
- Your what?
- Okay, I could not find
66
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,999
schematics or a ventilation plan,
67
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,991
but here's the emergency exit layout,
68
00:02:47,992 --> 00:02:50,044
which actually shows you a
good portion of the ductwork.
69
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:51,379
Wait a second, you're competent?
70
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,672
You got to get out of Florida.
71
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,090
Seriously, get on a bus
72
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:55,758
and get to New York.
You do not belong here.
73
00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:57,719
Take it. Go. Don't even check us in.
74
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,554
Third floor. I'll have
your bags follow you up.
75
00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:00,972
And then you'll leave? After the bags?
76
00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:02,473
- Come on, Susie.
- Save yourself!
77
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:04,475
Did you say you had a law degree?
78
00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,644
Huh? Hey, hold the elevator.
79
00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:08,104
- Ooh.
- Hold the elevator!
80
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,235
Hello?
81
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:15,445
I'm home!
82
00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:17,280
... Kitty Carlisle,
83
00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:20,450
Don Ameche and Polly Bergen
84
00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:22,869
on To Tell the Truth,
85
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,871
with your host, Bud Collyer!
86
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,958
I got some of Moishe's prune Danish,
87
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,044
- like you...
- What is your name, please?
88
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:33,797
My name is Judy Delp.
89
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:37,216
My name is Judy Delp.
90
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,635
Zelda, what are you doing?
91
00:03:38,636 --> 00:03:39,969
- My name is Judy Delp.
- Watching TV.
92
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:42,221
- But what are you wearing?
- Clothes.
93
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,223
- Street clothes.
- Talk to her.
94
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,559
- Shirley?
- I don't want people to think I have a maid.
95
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,728
That uniform was a dead giveaway.
96
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,384
But Zelda is a maid.
97
00:03:50,385 --> 00:03:51,680
A maid wears a uniform.
98
00:03:51,681 --> 00:03:52,857
Well, she can wear it at night
99
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:53,858
if it'll make you feel any better.
100
00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:55,318
- Night?
- When it's dark.
101
00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:57,028
- And the lights are out.
- I can wear it to bed.
102
00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:59,030
- Yes, she can wear it to bed.
- This is unbelievable.
103
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:01,282
- I step out of this house for five minutes and...
- Shh!
104
00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,450
Did you just shush me?
105
00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:03,701
I have money on this.
106
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,370
- You have...
- I think it's one.
107
00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:07,830
She looks like she's been
brained by a baton a few times.
108
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,290
- I have no idea.
- Would you mind running through
109
00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:10,375
that again for us, please?
110
00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:11,417
I don't think we got it all.
111
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,919
Anyway, the votes are in,
112
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,504
such as they are. Let's see which one...
113
00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:16,172
- Should I get that?
- Would you?
114
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:17,882
... baton twirling champion.
115
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:22,470
So will the real Judy
Delp please stand up?
116
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:24,305
- Skurwysyn!
- I told you.
117
00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:28,226
Oh, wait. Mrs. Weissman?
118
00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:29,352
Yes.
119
00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:31,688
Can I have next Friday off?
120
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:33,690
I think...
121
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:36,025
I think nothing would be better than...
122
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,781
I just want to say, I
fucking hate Florida.
123
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,399
- You should take your jacket off.
- No.
124
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:44,675
You should take your boots off.
125
00:04:44,676 --> 00:04:46,160
I think you'll regret that request.
126
00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,453
You want some lemonade?
127
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,080
No, I don't want any fucking lemonade.
128
00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:50,623
Does it look like I'm
sitting here thinking
129
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,672
about some goddamned
ass-licking, cock-sucking,
130
00:04:52,673 --> 00:04:53,751
dick-whacking lemonade?
131
00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:56,254
Just one, please.
132
00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:58,256
I don't understand this
place. Why is it here?
133
00:04:58,257 --> 00:05:01,009
Well, the Atlantic Ocean opened
up about 200 million years ago,
134
00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,260
pushing North America westward,
135
00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:05,263
away from the supercontinent Pangaea.
136
00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:06,305
It's in the brochure.
137
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,682
You want a smack in the mouth?
138
00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:09,350
I did not tell you to come to the pool.
139
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,185
You did, too. You told
me to come down here
140
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,270
and sit with you and relax.
141
00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:13,938
When does the relaxing start?
142
00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,690
How can you relax?
143
00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:17,525
It's boiling. It's humid.
144
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,547
There's bugs and snakes
145
00:05:19,548 --> 00:05:21,738
and birds and bats and
alligators and sand.
146
00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:23,740
There's sand everywhere...
in the sandwiches,
147
00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:25,575
in the room, in my hair, in my ass.
148
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,910
I haven't been anywhere near the
beach and I have sand in my ass.
149
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,329
That says more about you
than it does about Florida.
150
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,665
That was a big mistake,
kid! Big mistake!
151
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,083
Remember the face!
152
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,650
You have to calm down.
153
00:05:35,651 --> 00:05:37,003
Seriously.
154
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,465
Why do Jews do this to themselves?
155
00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:42,717
Why do they find terrible
places and go live there?
156
00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:44,635
"Hey, here's a piece of the
desert surrounded by people
157
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:47,346
who hate us. Where do I sign?"
158
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,849
I'm gonna die on this chair.
159
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,517
Susie, go in the pool. Cool off.
160
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:52,935
You'll feel so much better.
161
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:56,023
You do know how to swim, don't you?
162
00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:58,316
Are you kidding?
163
00:05:58,317 --> 00:05:59,859
You grew up in the Rockaways.
164
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,569
Your house was on stilts.
How do you not know
165
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:02,987
- how to swim?
- 'Cause my drunken whore
166
00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:04,655
of a mother never taught me, okay?
167
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:05,907
What if you fell in the water?
168
00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:07,867
Well, then Christmas
came early that year.
169
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,786
Okay. That's it.
170
00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:11,204
Get up.
171
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:13,620
- I am gonna teach you how to swim.
- No way.
172
00:06:13,621 --> 00:06:15,568
I was a certified swimming
instructor in the Catskills.
173
00:06:15,569 --> 00:06:17,085
- I am an expert.
- Get out of here.
174
00:06:17,086 --> 00:06:18,753
Swimming's fun. It
makes your tush tight.
175
00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:20,338
I like a nice loose tush.
176
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:22,264
Hey, we are on tour now.
177
00:06:22,265 --> 00:06:23,546
We will be flying in planes.
178
00:06:23,547 --> 00:06:25,009
And if one of those planes
goes down in the water,
179
00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,511
you are gonna have to know how to swim.
180
00:06:26,512 --> 00:06:28,930
Oh, good. You found a way
to make flying even worse.
181
00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:30,223
Come on.
182
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:32,475
I am not swimming or
traveling with you anymore.
183
00:06:32,476 --> 00:06:34,894
Once you get in, you'll
see. It'll be fun.
184
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,688
Now, you are gonna need a bathing suit.
185
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:38,689
- Jump!
- No.
186
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,108
- Susie, I'll catch you.
- Fuck you.
187
00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:41,109
- You won't.
- I swear I'll catch you.
188
00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,193
- No, you won't!
- I will.
189
00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:43,611
- You're lying!
- Susie, just jump!
190
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,446
- You jump!
- You're acting like a four-year-old.
191
00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:47,115
- You're acting like a four-year-old!
- Just jump to me!
192
00:06:47,116 --> 00:06:49,033
- You jump to me!
- No, you jump to me!
193
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,701
- Kick!
- Oh! Do not let me go!
194
00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:52,703
- I won't let you go!
- Water up the nose!
195
00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:54,288
- I got water up my nose!
- I've got you!
196
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:56,023
Just fucking relax and kick!
197
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,048
You fucking kick!
198
00:06:57,049 --> 00:06:58,292
There are children here!
199
00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,428
Stop saying "fuck"!
200
00:06:59,429 --> 00:07:00,962
You stop saying "fuck"!
201
00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:02,380
What are you staring at?
202
00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:03,714
What are they staring at?!
203
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:04,715
Here we go.
204
00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:06,092
- One.
- Do not do this.
205
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,510
- Two.
- Miriam, I said don't.
206
00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:09,262
- Big breath.
- I will kill your children.
207
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,097
I will kill them and I will
dress up in their clothes
208
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,348
- and I will haunt you.
- Three!
209
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,766
Oh, God!
210
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,768
Oh, God. Oh...
211
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,603
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
212
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,438
Susie, you're doing it!
213
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,357
Fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
214
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,568
Who peed? Who peed in this pool?
215
00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:25,570
Well, at least you're honest.
216
00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:27,363
You're doing great! Keep going!
217
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,698
Turn me around. Turn me around.
218
00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:31,306
Good girl. Good girl, Susie.
219
00:07:31,307 --> 00:07:32,493
You're swimming!
220
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:33,744
What are you doing?
221
00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:34,745
- I'm coming.
- No...
222
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,038
I'm coming for you.
223
00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:37,623
- Stop it.
- No, it's gonna happen.
224
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,916
You're being ridiculous.
225
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:40,543
You should be happy.
226
00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:42,588
This is good, Susie!
227
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,549
Well, that was fun.
228
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,893
God, it's fucking hot.
229
00:07:48,894 --> 00:07:50,219
Susie Myerson?
230
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,555
- There's a call for Susie Myerson.
- Mm.
231
00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:53,639
Over here.
232
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:54,724
Susie Myerson?
233
00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:56,559
You need to see a birth certificate?
234
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,769
Here. Remember the face.
235
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:00,188
Susie Myerson here.
236
00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:01,564
Rehearsals are a disaster.
237
00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:04,567
A complete, unmitigated disaster.
238
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,402
- Why?
- A million reasons.
239
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:09,030
For one, what's-his-face,
the director, hates me.
240
00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,072
I don't believe that.
241
00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:12,074
I haven't had anyone
look at me that coldly
242
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,910
since I had my mother deported.
243
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:15,244
It is not working.
244
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:16,954
We should find someone else.
245
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,707
Sophie, this guy is the
hottest director on Broadway.
246
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:22,126
He has three plays running.
Two are The Cherry Orchard.
247
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,544
He could have his pick of projects,
248
00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,296
and he wanted to do this play with you,
249
00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:26,505
with Sophie Lennon.
250
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,925
Well, Sophie Lennon doesn't like him.
251
00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:30,635
He's bossy.
252
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:32,220
- What did he do?
- I wanted to sit
253
00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:34,472
on one of my lines, and he said stand.
254
00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:35,890
Then he told me I had to wear a wig,
255
00:08:35,891 --> 00:08:37,516
so he obviously hates my hair.
256
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,976
He said no to the nudity,
257
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:41,444
and he told me I had
to memorize my lines.
258
00:08:41,445 --> 00:08:43,522
Well, you were planning to memorize
your lines anyway, weren't you?
259
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,441
Yes, but now I don't want to.
260
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,110
I despise being told what to do.
261
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:49,487
That's kind of his job, Sophie.
262
00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:51,322
Oh, and he loves Gavin.
263
00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:53,741
Oh, Gavin is his favorite.
264
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,660
They talk and they laugh.
265
00:08:55,661 --> 00:08:56,911
Probably about my hair.
266
00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:58,871
And did you hear about Gavin's movie?
267
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,832
- No.
- Gavin is doing a pirate movie
268
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:04,460
in the fall, and, apparently,
he has a hard out.
269
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:07,546
And now they're telling me our
opening date isn't flexible.
270
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,547
It's not flexible.
271
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,758
- Everything's flexible.
- Sophie,
272
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,343
the theater's been booked,
the date's been announced,
273
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:13,928
money's changed hands. That's it.
274
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,596
But what if it's not ready by then?
275
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:16,931
What if it needs more time?
276
00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:18,849
And by "it", I mean "me".
277
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,559
You'll be ready. You'll be great.
278
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,561
I am not happy. I feel unsettled.
279
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,480
I need my manager here.
280
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:27,484
I will be there as soon as I can.
281
00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:31,195
I promise.
282
00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,447
Very, very soon.
283
00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:36,451
Like... by the end of the week.
284
00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:39,870
I'm packing now.
285
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,249
Was that so hard?
286
00:09:44,258 --> 00:09:46,116
Hey, could you un-teach me how to swim
287
00:09:46,117 --> 00:09:47,628
so I can drown myself?
288
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,130
The font is electric.
289
00:09:49,131 --> 00:09:51,407
Trotsky used the same font
in his earliest pamphlets.
290
00:09:51,408 --> 00:09:52,652
This font could change the world.
291
00:09:52,653 --> 00:09:53,718
Right, Abe?
292
00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:55,136
- Abe?
- Huh?
293
00:09:55,137 --> 00:09:56,887
Oh, yes. Great font.
294
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:59,974
Uh, hey, can we talk about the size?
295
00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:00,975
The size of what?
296
00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:02,310
The size of the paper.
297
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:03,311
What about it?
298
00:10:03,312 --> 00:10:04,854
Well, it's...
299
00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,605
I mean...
300
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,691
This doesn't look strange to you?
301
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,651
- Your outfit?
- No. What?
302
00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:12,653
Not my outfit. The paper.
303
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,196
The paper is enormous.
304
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:15,781
Big ideas need space, Abe.
305
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:18,322
I understand that, but
this is a lot of space.
306
00:10:18,323 --> 00:10:20,828
I mean, it's not even
shaped like a newspaper.
307
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,496
You mean it's not shaped
like The New York Times.
308
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,165
The fascist New York Times.
309
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:26,625
Forget everything you know
about a newspaper, Abe.
310
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,626
We're changing all the rules.
311
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,919
It's the '60s, man.
312
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,756
Yes, thank you for...
reminding me of that.
313
00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:34,008
Uh, one more question here.
314
00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:36,093
Uh, where's the title?
315
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,095
- It's on the fourth page.
- The fourth?
316
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,805
You have to care enough
about the cause to find it.
317
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,016
Keep going. Keep going.
318
00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:43,351
Keep going.
319
00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:44,977
Keep go... Oh, wait, you passed it.
320
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:45,978
I did?
321
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,396
Oh. Yes.
322
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:49,315
There it is.
323
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,150
"Title to come".
324
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,735
Says it all.
325
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,453
Did we settle on that
or are we still pitching?
326
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:55,529
Abe.
327
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:58,367
May I see you in the
kitchen for a moment, please?
328
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,290
Who are they?
329
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,084
My friends from the paper.
330
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:10,586
Did you ask my permission before
you invited your friends over?
331
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:11,837
I thought I did.
332
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:12,922
Well, you didn't.
333
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:15,424
Well, I'm sorry, Shirley.
334
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:18,844
But I did ask Moishe last night,
335
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,513
and he said it was okay.
336
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:21,555
He did?
337
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,182
- Yes, he did.
- Ah.
338
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,392
He never mentioned anything to me
339
00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:25,726
about you having your friends over.
340
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:28,312
Well, maybe he forgot
to tell you, but he did.
341
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,147
- Should I ask him?
- What?
342
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,066
He's upstairs. I can ask him right now.
343
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,275
I don't think...
344
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:34,735
Moishe!
345
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:37,863
Moishe, could you
come down here, please?
346
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,323
Sh-Shirley, this is
completely unnecessary.
347
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:40,783
- Moishe!
- Shirley.
348
00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:42,368
- Someone's in trouble.
- Shut up, Alan.
349
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,828
- Moishe!
- Yeah?!
350
00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,871
Can you come down here, please?
351
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,248
Shirley, I assure you...
352
00:11:47,249 --> 00:11:48,791
- Moishe!
- I'm not wearing pants!
353
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,501
I need to ask you something.
354
00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:51,794
You can't ask me from there?
355
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,754
- No.
- Do I need to put on pants?
356
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,381
- Yes!
- All right.
357
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,258
Even though it's Wednesday,
and Wednesday's the day
358
00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:59,301
I stay home and work without pants!
359
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:01,303
Shirley, we're just
sitting in the dining room
360
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:02,805
discussing the paper.
361
00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:04,515
We'll be another half hour at the most.
362
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,100
All right, I'm down.
363
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,436
- What do you want?
- Did you give Abe permission
364
00:12:08,437 --> 00:12:10,146
- to have his friends over?
- No.
365
00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:11,605
You did, too.
366
00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:13,795
- Remember? Last night?
- No.
367
00:12:13,796 --> 00:12:15,484
- Abe says you did.
- I did what?
368
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,236
Say that he could have his friends over.
369
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,320
Ah. No.
370
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,989
So, Abe, now you're lying to us?
371
00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:22,241
I am not lying. I asked.
372
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,160
He doesn't remember; it happens.
373
00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:26,120
- You didn't ask.
- All right, fine.
374
00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:27,705
I won't argue with you.
375
00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:31,208
But at this moment, my friends
are here, in the dining room,
376
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,461
which I told you they would be,
377
00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:36,172
and you forgot, but since you agreed
378
00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:37,923
that it would be fine for them to come,
379
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,259
and since they are here...
380
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,803
there... already,
381
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:45,367
what am I supposed to do?
382
00:12:45,368 --> 00:12:47,683
I don't think we need
weather. If they want
383
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,268
to know the weather,
they can look outside.
384
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,937
That's crazy, man.
385
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,939
Something wrong, Abe? Again?
386
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,566
I thought you'd be happy.
387
00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:56,817
We agreed to move the title back
388
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,110
to the front page like you wanted.
389
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,321
I can't believe this spelling.
390
00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:03,449
How many Ls in latitude? Anyone?
391
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,300
Too long a pause.
392
00:13:05,301 --> 00:13:06,994
W-What are you doing?
Are you correcting it?
393
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,537
Apostrophe "S".
394
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:11,624
We're fighting against
fascism, not punctuation.
395
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,167
Wow. Dig the cap and gownship.
396
00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:14,460
I feel like I'm back in school, man.
397
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,128
You should be back in school.
398
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,797
This looks like it was
written by a pack of jackals.
399
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,549
You know what, Abe? You're
becoming a bit of a drag.
400
00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,218
Drag, drag, drag.
401
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:23,844
We just finished our first paper.
402
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,262
That's right.
403
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:28,225
And Ezra has outdone himself.
404
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,644
I thought you were Alan's girlfriend.
405
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:34,730
No woman is any man's property.
406
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:35,981
You should be looking at the ideas.
407
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,399
Not the spelling. Not the grammar.
408
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,694
- Look, people...
- Ugh. Old man lecture time.
409
00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:44,156
The greatest threat to
humanity is ignorance.
410
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,617
That's why the free
press is so important.
411
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:47,619
Abe.
412
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:52,957
This is not a corporate,
sanitized, proofed paper.
413
00:13:52,958 --> 00:13:55,709
It's real, it's raw, it's ragged.
414
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,419
Who cares about spelling and punctuation
415
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,046
- and clarity?
- And page numbers.
416
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,215
You're not taking this seriously.
417
00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:03,551
In my day we took things seriously.
418
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:06,095
Yes. And then there was World War I.
419
00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,805
What the hell does that mean?
420
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,974
Next stop, 53rd and Lexington.
421
00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:11,517
- Next stop, 53 and Lex.
- Okay. That's it.
422
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,310
I'm gonna blow this pop stand.
423
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:14,603
We're not done.
424
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,230
I've had my fill of your negativity.
425
00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:17,898
Plus, my mother's gonna do my laundry
426
00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:19,692
and if I get there before
6:00, there's chicken.
427
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,528
Your mother makes great chicken.
428
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:23,938
Can we stop at Bloomingdale's?
429
00:14:23,939 --> 00:14:25,023
I need pantyhose.
430
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:32,538
They spelled "New York" with a "C".
431
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,958
Vive la r�sistance.
432
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,168
I told you to get out of the sun.
433
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:39,795
And I told you to go fuck yourself,
434
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,547
so neither one of us
takes direction very well.
435
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:42,840
We'll find a pharmacy.
436
00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,300
Some calamine lotion, an aspirin,
437
00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:46,927
an ice bath... you'll feel much better.
438
00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:48,887
I didn't mean you
should go fuck yourself.
439
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,848
- I know.
- I'm just very hot here.
440
00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:52,266
I know.
441
00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:54,602
- I'm sorry.
- You're not going to die.
442
00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:56,312
Are you sure? 'Cause I
feel like I'm gonna die.
443
00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:59,023
- You'll be fine.
- I look scary.
444
00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:01,066
- Children are running from me.
- They do that anyway.
445
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,735
Has nothing to do with the sunburn.
446
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:05,195
Am I walking funny? Like
I have elephant balls?
447
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:09,241
No. You're walking like you
have your normal-sized balls.
448
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,701
You think that old lady's mad
449
00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:12,119
I shoved her and took her umbrella?
450
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,912
Well, you did tip her, so...
451
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,914
But she was getting back up
when we walked away, right?
452
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,250
- Absolutely.
- Those sirens weren't for her?
453
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,836
You want to look at the
water? The water's pretty.
454
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,212
The plane ride back to New York's
455
00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:23,631
gonna be a real treat.
456
00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:24,923
You sure you have to go back now?
457
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,425
You can't wait a day?
458
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,011
I promised you I
wouldn't talk about her.
459
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,429
Can I give you some advice?
460
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,680
Stay out of the sun.
461
00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:33,766
No, some real advice.
462
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,643
About Sophie.
463
00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,645
You need to be strong.
464
00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:39,647
- What are you talking about?
- Sophie's a bully.
465
00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:41,440
A bully only responds to other bullies.
466
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,182
Where'd you learn that,
on the mean streets
467
00:15:43,183 --> 00:15:44,485
of the Upper West Side?
468
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,528
She hired you to guide
her the way you guide me.
469
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:48,280
You don't pull any punches with me.
470
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,157
Sometimes I wish you
would. Sometimes I think,
471
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,992
my God, if only Susie wouldn't mention
472
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,940
every single thing that I did wrong.
473
00:15:53,941 --> 00:15:55,456
Every joke I missed.
474
00:15:55,457 --> 00:15:56,557
Every laugh I jumped.
475
00:15:56,558 --> 00:15:58,082
Every town I pronounced wrong.
476
00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,416
Hoboken. How hard is that?
477
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:00,959
But you don't let up,
478
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,170
and you don't back down,
and you don't lie to me.
479
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:04,546
You're tough.
480
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,798
You're tough with me.
481
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,966
You have to be tough with Sophie.
482
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,968
Okay. You're right.
483
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,638
I'll be tough.
484
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,848
Ow. Ow. Ow.
485
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,475
Yeah, a little tougher than that.
486
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:20,270
Okay.
487
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,272
That's gonna stay put.
488
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:24,358
50-50 shot.
489
00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:25,776
Well? Did you find it?
490
00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:28,237
- No.
- No. Of course no.
491
00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:30,614
The only word I ever hear in
English in this place is "no".
492
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,449
- Who was that?
- Plumber.
493
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:34,076
There's a rumbling in the walls
494
00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:35,869
that's either rusty pipes or a golem.
495
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,996
Let's hope for rusty pipes.
496
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,040
- Come grab some buns!
- Excuse me?
497
00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:42,501
Red bean buns. They
have healing qualities.
498
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,878
I thought you'd need them after
the plumber gave you the news.
499
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:46,171
- What news?
- He didn't tell you?
500
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,340
- No.
- Have a bun.
501
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,801
- Tell me what he said.
- No, I'll let him tell you.
502
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,636
I don't want to become
the face of bad news.
503
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:55,472
When you look at this face,
all I want you to think is...
504
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,107
- You know it's not fair when you do that.
- I do.
505
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:06,608
* I'll always love you, darlin' *
506
00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,610
* Come what may... *
507
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,696
Paint... that.
508
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,573
I'm studying.
509
00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:14,950
Fix things quietly.
510
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:17,661
Okay, let's start with the... Hey.
511
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,413
What did the plumber say?
512
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:20,497
Working. Studying.
513
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,207
Ooh! Cancer. Fun.
514
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:25,169
- You do have a type.
- Yes, I do.
515
00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:27,087
Are we using the word "girlfriend"?
516
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:29,089
- No. Not yet.
- Okay.
517
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:31,216
She did give me a phone
number. Not sure it's hers,
518
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,968
but there's the right amount of digits.
519
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,769
Every great love story
started just like that.
520
00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:38,682
- Golem?
- That's him.
521
00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,809
So, when the exorcism is done,
522
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,208
how long till you can open the place?
523
00:17:42,209 --> 00:17:43,520
I don't know. Why?
524
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:45,689
Well, as a friend, I take
an interest in your success.
525
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,232
And?
526
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,859
Imogene's getting a little less tolerant
527
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,611
about my time here.
528
00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:53,071
I bought her a new blender,
but the novelty is wearing off.
529
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,990
So, just wondering, what
do you think will get me
530
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,534
to the opening, a new set of
bar glasses or something bigger?
531
00:17:57,535 --> 00:17:59,161
- Bigger.
- Dishwasher?
532
00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:00,945
If this liquor license doesn't
come through soon,
533
00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:02,015
there won't be a club.
534
00:18:02,016 --> 00:18:03,874
The guy in charge is a pain in the ass.
535
00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:06,084
I'm gonna go down there
tomorrow to appeal in person.
536
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,920
- Try the charm offense.
- Mm-hmm.
537
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,588
So, car. Convertible or hard top?
538
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,048
I'd go summer home.
539
00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:12,341
- By the lake?
- With a boat.
540
00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:13,926
And Cary Grant as her new husband.
541
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:16,261
I think that you are shaking.
542
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:20,849
A big strong fella like
you, and with such arms.
543
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,726
This is very exciting.
544
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:24,144
It is.
545
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,189
Can't you sit still?
546
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,690
There, now. There. It is gone.
547
00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:31,568
You're giving off a lot of heat.
548
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:35,364
Miss Julie, listen to me.
549
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:38,408
Christine has gone to bed now.
550
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:40,077
Won't you listen to me?
551
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:42,371
Kiss my hand first.
552
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,747
Listen to me.
553
00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:46,124
Kiss my hand first!
554
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,543
Too loud again?
555
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:48,961
Well, there's an exclamation point,
556
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,420
so I thought I'd do that.
557
00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:53,298
Play tennis.
558
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,591
Continue.
559
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,134
For what?
560
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:59,096
- Are you still a mere child at 25?
- Mm.
561
00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:01,723
Don't you know that it is
dangerous playing with fire?
562
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:05,728
Not for me. I'm insured. I...
563
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,611
Lob the ball.
564
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,364
Continue.
565
00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:21,869
Not for me.
566
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,996
I am insured.
567
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:26,540
No, you are not.
568
00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:27,958
And even if you were.
569
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:29,918
there are inflammable surroundings
570
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:31,420
to be countered with.
571
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:34,716
You, I suppose?
572
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:37,843
Is that me again?
573
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,177
Yes, it's me.
574
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,221
- Sophie.
- Yes.
575
00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:44,225
Serve and don't volley.
576
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:47,561
Manager. I need my manager.
577
00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:48,979
Yep, Sophie, right here.
578
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:50,355
I'm not feeling safe.
579
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:52,065
And I can't create if
I'm not feeling safe.
580
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:54,109
As long as we're stopped,
I have a question.
581
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:55,611
What am I doing offstage?
582
00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:56,737
Am I still asleep?
583
00:19:56,738 --> 00:19:57,863
Who are you?
584
00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:58,906
I'm Moira.
585
00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:00,032
I'm in the play with you.
586
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,783
She's playing Christine.
587
00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,327
Who's Christine?
588
00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:06,663
The third character in
this three-person play.
589
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,041
All right. This is exactly
what I'm talking about.
590
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,126
I need to be told things.
591
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:12,961
I should have been
informed that there was
592
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,296
a third person in this play.
593
00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:16,214
I read with you for my audition.
594
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,675
Let's return to the top.
Who wants to serve?
595
00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:20,761
No! No, stop. No serving.
596
00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:23,482
No one's listening to
me. No one respects me.
597
00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:25,140
- Everyone respects you.
- Oh, really?
598
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,434
Then where is my set?
599
00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,853
Other leading ladies get sets.
600
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:31,062
Where's mine?
601
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,148
The set is still being built, Sophie.
602
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,192
We taped out the dimensions
of it on the floor.
603
00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:36,610
I need more than tape.
604
00:20:36,611 --> 00:20:38,236
I am creating a reality.
605
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,614
And at the beginning
of the play, I enter.
606
00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,491
How do I enter?
607
00:20:42,492 --> 00:20:44,534
Well, that's the door there.
608
00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:46,036
That is not a door.
609
00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:48,455
That is more tape. I cannot open tape.
610
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,999
I cannot feel tape in my hand.
611
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,752
And when I come in, I am opening a door.
612
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:56,129
How do I know what it feels like
613
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,256
- to open a door?
- Sophie.
614
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,384
If I may? Over there is a door,
615
00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,053
why don't you just remind yourself?
616
00:21:38,548 --> 00:21:40,841
This could be more
entertaining than the play.
617
00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:42,175
Mm.
618
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:44,929
Oh. God bless you, sir.
619
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:02,280
Room service.
620
00:22:03,865 --> 00:22:05,198
Finally.
621
00:22:05,199 --> 00:22:07,200
You come from Jersey?
622
00:22:07,201 --> 00:22:08,453
You want to eat?
623
00:22:17,045 --> 00:22:19,337
Beer's in the bathtub,
booze is on the sill.
624
00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:22,967
Thank you.
625
00:22:25,428 --> 00:22:27,012
Here you go.
626
00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:29,264
Got a bathtub full of ice.
627
00:22:29,265 --> 00:22:31,016
I like cold beer.
628
00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:32,476
How do you shower?
629
00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:34,352
There's showers at the pool.
630
00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:36,354
That's ingenious.
631
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,357
That's 15 years on the road.
632
00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:44,112
To someone with tits to talk to.
633
00:22:44,113 --> 00:22:47,116
I was gonna go with "new
friends", but yours is better.
634
00:22:48,534 --> 00:22:50,619
What didn't you order?
635
00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:52,537
The fish. Stinks up the drapes.
636
00:22:52,538 --> 00:22:54,790
You pay for all this on your per diem?
637
00:22:54,791 --> 00:22:57,125
No. I charge it to Howard's room.
638
00:22:57,126 --> 00:22:59,336
- You're kidding.
- For the last three years.
639
00:22:59,337 --> 00:23:01,004
Does he know?
640
00:23:01,005 --> 00:23:03,173
Howard doesn't know anything
but how to tune a piano.
641
00:23:03,174 --> 00:23:04,716
And by "tune a piano", you mean... ?
642
00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:06,593
He's the piano tuner.
643
00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:08,261
Oh. Okay.
644
00:23:08,262 --> 00:23:09,971
So literally tune...
645
00:23:09,972 --> 00:23:12,599
Sometimes words mean
different things. I got it now.
646
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:17,813
- Oh.
- Mmm.
647
00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:19,773
This is good.
648
00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:22,317
I'm so exhausted after these shows,
649
00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:24,194
sometimes I can't
even dial room service.
650
00:23:24,195 --> 00:23:25,904
I know.
651
00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:28,532
At least behind a bandstand,
I can take my shoes off.
652
00:23:28,533 --> 00:23:30,158
You can take your shoes off?
653
00:23:30,159 --> 00:23:31,827
I keep slippers back there.
654
00:23:31,828 --> 00:23:33,954
Fuzzy ones, rabbit ears.
655
00:23:33,955 --> 00:23:35,497
Lucky.
656
00:23:35,498 --> 00:23:37,582
15 years.
657
00:23:37,583 --> 00:23:40,043
- Cute kids.
- Thanks.
658
00:23:40,044 --> 00:23:42,420
That one's gonna be a huge asshole.
659
00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:44,214
How can you tell?
660
00:23:44,215 --> 00:23:47,509
He's just like his dad...
who was a huge asshole.
661
00:23:47,510 --> 00:23:49,719
Do you miss them?
662
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,347
I mean, I know you miss them, but...
663
00:23:52,348 --> 00:23:55,809
They're with my mother, who
is the queen of apple strudel,
664
00:23:55,810 --> 00:23:57,686
so they have a pretty good life.
665
00:23:57,687 --> 00:23:59,938
I send home the money.
666
00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:02,357
Nancy's starting ballet next week,
667
00:24:02,358 --> 00:24:04,234
so I'll be supporting her forever.
668
00:24:05,695 --> 00:24:07,863
Yeah. I miss 'em.
669
00:24:07,864 --> 00:24:10,824
You ever feel guilty?
670
00:24:10,825 --> 00:24:13,034
My dad was a traveling salesman.
671
00:24:13,035 --> 00:24:15,120
Gone six days out of seven.
672
00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:17,914
Nobody thought twice about that.
673
00:24:17,915 --> 00:24:20,000
What about your kids?
674
00:24:20,001 --> 00:24:22,043
They live with their
father while I'm gone.
675
00:24:22,044 --> 00:24:24,421
Really? He takes the kids?
676
00:24:24,422 --> 00:24:26,298
- Yup.
- Shit.
677
00:24:26,299 --> 00:24:27,757
Is he single?
678
00:24:27,758 --> 00:24:29,509
I don't think so.
679
00:24:29,510 --> 00:24:31,303
So, you're divorced.
680
00:24:31,304 --> 00:24:33,346
Yes.
681
00:24:33,347 --> 00:24:35,098
Who you got your eye on?
682
00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:37,475
I don't have my eye on anyone.
683
00:24:37,476 --> 00:24:39,394
What are you saving it for?
684
00:24:39,395 --> 00:24:40,633
The Smithsonian.
685
00:24:40,634 --> 00:24:43,148
Gonna put it right next to
"The Star-Spangled Banner".
686
00:24:43,149 --> 00:24:45,859
You've had sex since
your husband, right?
687
00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:47,861
Well... yes.
688
00:24:47,862 --> 00:24:49,988
With my fianc�.
689
00:24:49,989 --> 00:24:52,657
Oh. Where is he?
690
00:24:52,658 --> 00:24:54,784
He's back home wondering what happened.
691
00:24:54,785 --> 00:24:56,244
What happened?
692
00:24:56,245 --> 00:25:00,207
Shy Baldwin asked me to go on tour.
693
00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:04,377
Okay, well, here's the
skinny on one-night stands.
694
00:25:04,378 --> 00:25:07,172
If it's a guy in the
band, keep it simple.
695
00:25:07,173 --> 00:25:08,840
No feelings.
696
00:25:08,841 --> 00:25:11,092
They can't think you're a girly girl.
697
00:25:11,093 --> 00:25:13,136
Go to their place, never yours.
698
00:25:13,137 --> 00:25:14,763
That way, you can leave.
699
00:25:14,764 --> 00:25:17,390
And if the place is a
slum, don't screw him.
700
00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:20,101
If his room's dirty, imagine
how clean the rest of him is.
701
00:25:20,102 --> 00:25:21,645
Ew.
702
00:25:21,646 --> 00:25:23,396
- You have a gun?
- What?
703
00:25:23,397 --> 00:25:25,398
It's not necessary.
704
00:25:25,399 --> 00:25:27,234
Keys are a good weapon.
705
00:25:27,235 --> 00:25:29,778
High heels are great, and
they never see it coming,
706
00:25:29,779 --> 00:25:32,948
and most hotels have
an on-site shoe repair.
707
00:25:32,949 --> 00:25:36,034
Sometimes, if the guy
seems really sketchy,
708
00:25:36,035 --> 00:25:37,911
but I just got to have some,
709
00:25:37,912 --> 00:25:40,706
I'll shove a matchbook cover in
the door for an easier getaway.
710
00:25:42,416 --> 00:25:44,417
You look scared.
711
00:25:44,418 --> 00:25:46,127
Gee, why would that be?
712
00:25:46,128 --> 00:25:48,171
Sorry.
713
00:25:48,172 --> 00:25:50,548
I should've eased you into it.
714
00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:52,801
It's just...
715
00:25:52,802 --> 00:25:54,844
it gets lonely sometimes.
716
00:25:54,845 --> 00:25:57,597
A lot of people can't stick it out.
717
00:25:57,598 --> 00:25:59,599
They get worn down.
718
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,811
Tired of the travel, the food.
719
00:26:02,812 --> 00:26:06,314
Your clothes are never as
clean as you want them to be.
720
00:26:06,315 --> 00:26:09,734
The pillows are either
too hard or too soft.
721
00:26:09,735 --> 00:26:13,321
But on the other hand,
722
00:26:13,322 --> 00:26:15,448
you see the world.
723
00:26:15,449 --> 00:26:18,034
You answer to no one.
724
00:26:18,035 --> 00:26:21,913
The audiences, when they're great,
725
00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:24,165
are really great.
726
00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:26,543
And you're not having
to go to your grave
727
00:26:26,544 --> 00:26:28,504
not having done anything interesting.
728
00:26:32,591 --> 00:26:34,802
I would get a gun, though.
729
00:27:00,161 --> 00:27:01,703
Where's Ethan?
730
00:27:01,704 --> 00:27:03,121
I thought he was playing
731
00:27:03,122 --> 00:27:04,873
with the little boy across the street.
732
00:27:04,874 --> 00:27:06,791
- Jimmy Junior?
- I don't know.
733
00:27:06,792 --> 00:27:08,209
The little boy across the street.
734
00:27:08,210 --> 00:27:09,627
Petey Stritch?
735
00:27:09,628 --> 00:27:11,254
I don't know.
736
00:27:11,255 --> 00:27:14,049
Jacob Cohen? Patrick
Matthews? Ollie Brice?
737
00:27:14,050 --> 00:27:16,677
How many little boys live
across the street, Shirley?
738
00:27:29,398 --> 00:27:33,651
Ethan Maisel, where are you?
739
00:27:33,652 --> 00:27:35,779
Ethan!
740
00:27:35,780 --> 00:27:38,615
Ethan Shimon Maisel!
741
00:27:38,616 --> 00:27:40,658
It's Grandma!
742
00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:43,244
Grandma Shirley, not Grandma Rose.
743
00:27:43,245 --> 00:27:44,996
I'm making lunch!
744
00:27:44,997 --> 00:27:46,748
What would you like?
745
00:27:46,749 --> 00:27:49,667
I have chicken, I have peanut butter.
746
00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:52,670
I have peanut butter
with jelly, I have soup.
747
00:27:52,671 --> 00:27:54,881
Chicken soup, tomato soup,
748
00:27:54,882 --> 00:27:58,176
vegetable soup, chicken vegetable soup!
749
00:27:58,177 --> 00:28:00,011
Hey lady, shut up!
750
00:28:00,012 --> 00:28:02,680
You shut up! I'm talking to my grandson.
751
00:28:02,681 --> 00:28:04,182
The whole neighborhood doesn't
752
00:28:04,183 --> 00:28:06,101
want to hear about your goddamn soup!
753
00:28:06,102 --> 00:28:07,602
Then don't listen!
754
00:28:07,603 --> 00:28:09,687
Ethan, I have potato leek,
755
00:28:09,688 --> 00:28:11,898
I have beef barley.
756
00:28:11,899 --> 00:28:13,817
Nobody cares! Shut up!
757
00:28:13,818 --> 00:28:15,693
- You shut up!
- You shut up!
758
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:17,195
Both of you shut up!
759
00:28:17,196 --> 00:28:19,030
- Shirley!
- Oh, God.
760
00:28:19,031 --> 00:28:20,657
Rose, you scared me.
761
00:28:20,658 --> 00:28:23,363
What is the matter with
you?! We have neighbors!
762
00:28:23,364 --> 00:28:25,139
And right now, they
are all looking at you
763
00:28:25,140 --> 00:28:26,996
like you're insane, and
therefore, they're looking at me
764
00:28:26,997 --> 00:28:30,250
like I'm insane because I live
here with you in this house!
765
00:28:30,251 --> 00:28:32,312
We are the insane house on the street!
766
00:28:32,313 --> 00:28:34,049
The house that people
talk about at barbecues,
767
00:28:34,050 --> 00:28:36,047
and tell their children
to avoid at Halloween.
768
00:28:36,048 --> 00:28:39,008
We are the loud, uncouth, terrifying,
769
00:28:39,009 --> 00:28:41,177
disturbing house that
ruins it for everyone!
770
00:28:41,178 --> 00:28:43,430
With the screaming and the
yelling and the leaving for work
771
00:28:43,431 --> 00:28:45,223
at 5:00 in the morning,
even on Saturday!
772
00:28:45,224 --> 00:28:46,975
And we're Jews!
773
00:28:46,976 --> 00:28:49,269
Abe and I came here normal people.
774
00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:52,647
Educated, cultivated people
with pride and dignity!
775
00:28:52,648 --> 00:28:55,024
And now, I live in Queens,
and I smell like onions
776
00:28:55,025 --> 00:28:56,443
- all the time.
- Shut up!
777
00:28:56,444 --> 00:28:58,319
Oh, you shut up, putz!
778
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,622
Can't you recognize a
complete psychotic break
779
00:29:00,623 --> 00:29:02,468
- when you see one?!
- I'm calling the cops!
780
00:29:02,469 --> 00:29:03,950
Oh, go back inside!
781
00:29:03,951 --> 00:29:05,452
You want to see a show?
782
00:29:05,453 --> 00:29:07,412
Get in your car and drive to Manhattan.
783
00:29:07,413 --> 00:29:10,165
Why isn't there a movie theater
in this godforsaken wasteland
784
00:29:10,166 --> 00:29:12,083
you people call a neighborhood?
785
00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:15,378
There's one on Metropolitan, asshole!
786
00:29:15,379 --> 00:29:17,255
You have got to get ahold of yourself.
787
00:29:17,256 --> 00:29:19,757
Me? Me?!
788
00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,926
If you don't mind my saying so,
789
00:29:21,927 --> 00:29:24,512
I think you're taking
this relocation very badly.
790
00:29:24,513 --> 00:29:26,055
Maybe you should talk to someone.
791
00:29:26,056 --> 00:29:28,279
Now, normally, I don't
believe in psychiatry,
792
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,597
but in your case, it
might be a good idea,
793
00:29:30,598 --> 00:29:31,603
because you're nuts.
794
00:29:31,604 --> 00:29:33,062
Just don't talk about us.
795
00:29:33,063 --> 00:29:34,731
Freddy's gonna stay for lunch!
796
00:29:34,732 --> 00:29:36,149
Oh, what do you want?
797
00:29:36,150 --> 00:29:38,526
I got chicken, I've got peanut butter,
798
00:29:38,527 --> 00:29:41,404
I've got peanut butter
and jelly, I've got soup.
799
00:29:41,405 --> 00:29:44,491
I've got chicken soup, tomato soup,
800
00:29:44,492 --> 00:29:46,242
vegetable soup...
801
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:52,415
Miguel, is this funny?
802
00:29:52,416 --> 00:29:54,751
"This humidity in
Florida is so unrelenting,
803
00:29:54,752 --> 00:29:56,920
even my mother thinks
it should calm down".
804
00:29:56,921 --> 00:29:58,421
No.
805
00:29:58,422 --> 00:30:00,006
Really, take your time.
806
00:30:00,007 --> 00:30:01,799
One more. And one for yourself.
807
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,259
It'll seem funnier then.
808
00:30:03,260 --> 00:30:04,761
* In love... *
809
00:30:04,762 --> 00:30:06,179
- Good book?
- Not yet.
810
00:30:06,180 --> 00:30:08,306
- Can I buy you a drink?
- Got one coming.
811
00:30:08,307 --> 00:30:10,308
- Put it on my tab.
- Oh, no thank you.
812
00:30:10,309 --> 00:30:11,768
Very sweet, but I'm working.
813
00:30:11,769 --> 00:30:13,520
Really? Working?
814
00:30:13,521 --> 00:30:16,231
Well, this hotel certainly draws
a nicer class of working girls.
815
00:30:16,232 --> 00:30:19,150
Yeah, look, Mom, I'm not a hooker.
816
00:30:19,151 --> 00:30:21,945
I'm working on my act, and
I can pay for my own drink.
817
00:30:21,946 --> 00:30:23,821
Okay. Modern woman.
818
00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:25,490
Maybe I should just keep you company
819
00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:27,825
so no other man makes
the mistake I just did.
820
00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:30,537
I appreciate you wanting to
be the savior of my reputation,
821
00:30:30,538 --> 00:30:33,081
but I'm busy writing dick
jokes, so if you don't mind...
822
00:30:33,082 --> 00:30:35,500
Number three really paints a picture.
823
00:30:35,501 --> 00:30:37,252
What on earth are you doing here?
824
00:30:37,253 --> 00:30:39,671
- I am living here.
- In Florida?
825
00:30:39,672 --> 00:30:42,257
At some point, every
Jew must live in Florida.
826
00:30:42,258 --> 00:30:44,259
- It's in the Torah.
- Wow.
827
00:30:44,260 --> 00:30:46,844
You know, it's weird, I never
picture you living anywhere.
828
00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:48,263
You just exist.
829
00:30:48,264 --> 00:30:49,931
Well, sorry to disappoint you,
830
00:30:49,932 --> 00:30:52,350
but I do live places,
and right now, it's here.
831
00:30:52,351 --> 00:30:55,353
I got a key, I get
mail, I wear an apron.
832
00:30:55,354 --> 00:30:56,980
Must go good with that tie.
833
00:30:56,981 --> 00:30:58,523
I heard Shy was in town,
834
00:30:58,524 --> 00:31:00,942
so I thought I would
stop by and say hello.
835
00:31:00,943 --> 00:31:02,944
Hello.
836
00:31:02,945 --> 00:31:04,404
Good-bye.
837
00:31:06,448 --> 00:31:08,616
You want to sit?
838
00:31:08,617 --> 00:31:10,618
3:00 in the afternoon...
839
00:31:10,619 --> 00:31:14,205
a pen, a notebook and a drink.
840
00:31:14,206 --> 00:31:16,291
All you need is a social disease,
841
00:31:16,292 --> 00:31:18,293
and you are officially a road comic.
842
00:31:18,294 --> 00:31:20,545
How long are you in town?
843
00:31:20,546 --> 00:31:22,380
- Two frizz-filled weeks.
- Good.
844
00:31:22,381 --> 00:31:24,632
I am heading out of
town for a couple of days
845
00:31:24,633 --> 00:31:26,009
- to make some money.
- Oh.
846
00:31:26,010 --> 00:31:27,802
Apparently, "alimony" means "money".
847
00:31:27,803 --> 00:31:29,554
I did not know that.
848
00:31:29,555 --> 00:31:32,098
When I get back, we should grab a drink.
849
00:31:32,099 --> 00:31:33,766
I would love that.
850
00:31:33,767 --> 00:31:36,269
I will give you a ring.
851
00:31:36,270 --> 00:31:38,396
I was serious about number three.
852
00:31:38,397 --> 00:31:40,398
The comparison to William Frawley
853
00:31:40,399 --> 00:31:42,317
is particularly inspired.
854
00:31:42,318 --> 00:31:45,570
* Would be a crime... *
855
00:31:45,571 --> 00:31:47,238
Hmm.
856
00:31:47,239 --> 00:31:49,450
* 'Cause nice... *
857
00:31:51,243 --> 00:31:53,953
* The man I used to be *
858
00:31:53,954 --> 00:31:56,581
* A happy man was he *
859
00:31:56,582 --> 00:32:00,627
* And aimless as a leaf in a gale *
860
00:32:00,628 --> 00:32:03,075
* You can never find *
861
00:32:03,076 --> 00:32:04,126
Get in.
862
00:32:04,127 --> 00:32:06,215
- * The man you used to be *
- Rose?
863
00:32:06,216 --> 00:32:08,343
Get in the cab, Abe, right now.
864
00:32:08,344 --> 00:32:10,053
But where are we going?
865
00:32:10,054 --> 00:32:12,138
It's dinner time. I'm hungry.
866
00:32:12,139 --> 00:32:13,931
- She's made stuffed cabbage.
- Move over.
867
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:22,148
* You can never find *
868
00:32:22,149 --> 00:32:27,279
* The man you used to be. *
869
00:33:31,051 --> 00:33:32,885
Mama? Papa?
870
00:33:32,886 --> 00:33:35,304
Oh, thank God this is the right hotel.
871
00:33:35,305 --> 00:33:37,306
I know you told us, but I wasn't sure,
872
00:33:37,307 --> 00:33:38,766
and your father wasn't listening.
873
00:33:38,767 --> 00:33:40,017
What are you doing here?
874
00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:42,186
Well, I hate Moishe and Shirley.
875
00:33:42,187 --> 00:33:44,564
Yes. But did something specific happen?
876
00:33:44,565 --> 00:33:46,399
Shirley was screaming in the street,
877
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:48,192
and then I started
screaming in the street,
878
00:33:48,193 --> 00:33:50,820
- and I called a man a putz.
- I wasn't there for that part.
879
00:33:50,821 --> 00:33:52,947
I was on the subway,
because they won't let me
880
00:33:52,948 --> 00:33:55,616
- have my friends over.
- She made Zelda take off her uniform.
881
00:33:55,617 --> 00:33:59,012
And she is using stuffed cabbage
in a very punitive manner.
882
00:33:59,013 --> 00:34:01,164
So, the next thing I know, I
threw some things in a suitcase,
883
00:34:01,165 --> 00:34:03,040
I grabbed your father,
we got in the cab.
884
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:04,667
Took the cab to the train station.
885
00:34:04,668 --> 00:34:06,294
- Got on the train.
- Headed west.
886
00:34:06,295 --> 00:34:08,745
We hit Dayton and thought, "Cows?"
887
00:34:08,746 --> 00:34:10,170
- So we headed south.
- And thought of you.
888
00:34:10,171 --> 00:34:11,722
- So we headed east.
- Then south again.
889
00:34:11,723 --> 00:34:13,050
And here we are. I'm
sorry, we should've called.
890
00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:14,427
We just didn't want to stop moving.
891
00:34:14,428 --> 00:34:16,596
In case they were coming after us.
892
00:34:16,597 --> 00:34:18,452
Well, I think it's great.
893
00:34:18,453 --> 00:34:19,703
You can stay here.
894
00:34:19,704 --> 00:34:21,179
We'll have a mini family vacation,
895
00:34:21,180 --> 00:34:22,935
and you can finally see my show.
896
00:34:22,936 --> 00:34:25,188
- Oh...
- It's comedy or cabbage.
897
00:34:25,189 --> 00:34:27,273
Rose.
898
00:34:27,274 --> 00:34:28,441
Okay.
899
00:34:28,442 --> 00:34:29,942
Well, you'd better be funny.
900
00:34:29,943 --> 00:34:31,277
There you go!
901
00:34:31,278 --> 00:34:33,571
Okay. Tonight you'll stay in my room.
902
00:34:33,572 --> 00:34:35,410
You relax, shower, order room service,
903
00:34:35,411 --> 00:34:36,894
and then tomorrow
you'll come to my show,
904
00:34:36,895 --> 00:34:39,410
and then I'll introduce
you to Shy Baldwin.
905
00:34:39,411 --> 00:34:41,120
Take my key.
906
00:34:41,121 --> 00:34:43,381
- Wait, where will you sleep?
- Oh, don't worry about me.
907
00:34:43,382 --> 00:34:44,665
I'll bunk with one of
the girls from the band.
908
00:34:44,666 --> 00:34:48,085
Now, anything you need, get it
and sign it to the room, and...
909
00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:50,671
What smells like onions?
910
00:34:50,672 --> 00:34:52,006
All right, we're off.
911
00:34:52,007 --> 00:34:53,508
Abe, get the bags.
912
00:34:53,509 --> 00:34:54,967
Thank you for the room.
913
00:34:54,968 --> 00:34:56,970
Can't wait to see your show.
914
00:34:58,722 --> 00:35:00,598
Shit.
915
00:35:00,599 --> 00:35:02,683
I know I've talked a lot
916
00:35:02,684 --> 00:35:04,185
about my parents tonight,
917
00:35:04,186 --> 00:35:06,103
but that's just because they are here.
918
00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:07,814
In Florida.
919
00:35:07,815 --> 00:35:09,774
Can you feel it?
920
00:35:09,775 --> 00:35:11,692
They're coming to my
show tomorrow, so I need
921
00:35:11,693 --> 00:35:13,653
to get all this out
of my system tonight.
922
00:35:13,654 --> 00:35:16,614
Tonight I can talk about sex and men
923
00:35:16,615 --> 00:35:19,325
and sex with men and sexy men
924
00:35:19,326 --> 00:35:21,369
and sex with sexy men,
925
00:35:21,370 --> 00:35:23,780
but tomorrow, that's all off limits,
926
00:35:23,781 --> 00:35:25,621
because my parents don't
know I'm not a virgin.
927
00:35:27,084 --> 00:35:29,460
You'd think my two kids
might have been a tip-off.
928
00:35:29,461 --> 00:35:32,588
I'm amazed the "those are my
cobbler's apprentices" story
929
00:35:32,589 --> 00:35:35,132
has held up for so long.
930
00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:37,426
Maybe my parents think
that when I got divorced,
931
00:35:37,427 --> 00:35:39,512
it made me a virgin all over again.
932
00:35:39,513 --> 00:35:40,930
Like, the judge says:
933
00:35:40,931 --> 00:35:42,723
"I grant your divorce
934
00:35:42,724 --> 00:35:44,267
and restore everything up your skirt
935
00:35:44,268 --> 00:35:46,686
to its original condition".
936
00:35:46,687 --> 00:35:48,729
And then bangs his little gavel.
937
00:35:48,730 --> 00:35:52,066
But my parents are people
who do not like change.
938
00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:54,443
When my husband left me, my father said,
939
00:35:54,444 --> 00:35:56,028
"Go get him back".
940
00:35:56,029 --> 00:35:58,489
Like I'd accidentally
left the barn door open
941
00:35:58,490 --> 00:36:00,992
and Bessie the cow had wandered off.
942
00:36:00,993 --> 00:36:03,244
And when I didn't go get
him back as instructed,
943
00:36:03,245 --> 00:36:05,288
my father was furious.
944
00:36:05,289 --> 00:36:06,789
My mother still hasn't heard he's gone,
945
00:36:06,790 --> 00:36:08,499
so she hasn't reacted yet.
946
00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:11,627
I mean, she's been told.
She just hasn't heard it.
947
00:36:11,628 --> 00:36:14,422
And now they're here,
948
00:36:14,423 --> 00:36:17,135
in Florida, to watch
their divorced daughter
949
00:36:17,136 --> 00:36:18,843
stand on stage and tell jokes.
950
00:36:18,844 --> 00:36:20,303
About them.
951
00:36:20,304 --> 00:36:22,513
Because they know that will kill them,
952
00:36:22,514 --> 00:36:24,473
and I'll feel bad forever,
953
00:36:24,474 --> 00:36:27,226
and then finally they will have won.
954
00:36:28,687 --> 00:36:31,355
I'm Mrs. Maisel. You've
been a great audience,
955
00:36:31,356 --> 00:36:33,274
and to thank you for listening,
956
00:36:33,275 --> 00:36:36,319
I give you the one, the only...
957
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,446
Shy Baldwin.
958
00:36:49,041 --> 00:36:52,251
* What a day this has been *
959
00:36:52,252 --> 00:36:54,962
* What a rare mood I'm in *
960
00:36:54,963 --> 00:36:56,255
* Why, it's *
961
00:36:56,256 --> 00:36:58,424
* Almost like being *
962
00:36:58,425 --> 00:36:59,800
* In love *
963
00:37:01,178 --> 00:37:04,180
* There's a smile on my face *
964
00:37:04,181 --> 00:37:05,932
* For the whole *
965
00:37:05,933 --> 00:37:07,558
* Human race *
966
00:37:07,559 --> 00:37:08,684
* Why, it's *
967
00:37:08,685 --> 00:37:10,394
* Almost like being *
968
00:37:10,395 --> 00:37:11,854
* In love *
969
00:37:11,855 --> 00:37:13,814
* Being in love *
970
00:37:13,815 --> 00:37:16,567
* All the music of life *
971
00:37:16,568 --> 00:37:19,779
* Seems to be *
972
00:37:19,780 --> 00:37:21,280
* Like a bell *
973
00:37:21,281 --> 00:37:23,157
* That is ringing *
974
00:37:23,158 --> 00:37:25,576
* For me *
975
00:37:25,577 --> 00:37:27,453
* And from the way *
976
00:37:27,454 --> 00:37:28,996
* That I feel *
977
00:37:28,997 --> 00:37:30,456
* When that bell *
978
00:37:30,457 --> 00:37:32,124
* Starts to peal *
979
00:37:32,125 --> 00:37:33,751
* I would swear *
980
00:37:33,752 --> 00:37:35,419
* I was falling *
981
00:37:35,420 --> 00:37:36,879
* I could swear *
982
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:38,297
* I was falling *
983
00:37:38,298 --> 00:37:41,676
* It's almost like being *
984
00:37:41,677 --> 00:37:44,513
* In love *
985
00:38:00,195 --> 00:38:03,197
* Almost like being *
986
00:38:03,198 --> 00:38:05,866
* In love *
987
00:38:05,867 --> 00:38:08,995
* All the music of life *
988
00:38:08,996 --> 00:38:12,039
* Seems to be *
989
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:13,666
* Like a bell *
990
00:38:13,667 --> 00:38:15,584
* That is ringing *
991
00:38:15,585 --> 00:38:17,878
* For me *
992
00:38:17,879 --> 00:38:19,755
* And from the way *
993
00:38:19,756 --> 00:38:21,465
- * Ah, ah... *
- * That I feel *
994
00:38:21,466 --> 00:38:22,758
* When that bell *
995
00:38:22,759 --> 00:38:24,552
* Starts to peal *
996
00:38:24,553 --> 00:38:27,388
* I would swear I was... *
997
00:38:27,389 --> 00:38:30,016
I thought you were gonna
call when you got back.
998
00:38:30,017 --> 00:38:31,642
I opted for a sneak attack.
999
00:38:31,643 --> 00:38:33,477
There's a lot of that going around.
1000
00:38:33,478 --> 00:38:35,521
Gin martini, up, with olives.
1001
00:38:35,522 --> 00:38:37,106
You should have seen my set.
1002
00:38:37,107 --> 00:38:38,441
I saw your set.
1003
00:38:38,442 --> 00:38:40,276
You did? How was I?
1004
00:38:40,277 --> 00:38:41,694
Wow. Just like that?
1005
00:38:41,695 --> 00:38:43,529
I usually start with some small talk.
1006
00:38:43,530 --> 00:38:45,787
How have you been? Who's got gout?
1007
00:38:45,788 --> 00:38:47,199
Nope. Life's short. Talk about me.
1008
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,827
- Excuse me, Mr. Bruce?
- Uh, Mr. Bruce is my mother.
1009
00:38:49,828 --> 00:38:51,829
- Lenny. Please.
- Could I get... ?
1010
00:38:53,123 --> 00:38:54,665
You want hers?
1011
00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:56,417
That's okay.
1012
00:38:56,418 --> 00:38:57,418
That's showbiz.
1013
00:38:57,419 --> 00:38:59,003
Thanks.
1014
00:38:59,004 --> 00:39:01,547
I am very famous and important.
1015
00:39:01,548 --> 00:39:03,090
Yes. We were talking about me, remember?
1016
00:39:03,091 --> 00:39:05,342
I do. Uh, what are you doing tonight?
1017
00:39:05,343 --> 00:39:06,761
Listening to you critique my act.
1018
00:39:06,762 --> 00:39:08,345
I have a proposition for you.
1019
00:39:08,346 --> 00:39:09,972
I have a work thing I have to do,
1020
00:39:09,973 --> 00:39:12,683
but I was thinking, tag along,
you might find it interesting.
1021
00:39:12,684 --> 00:39:14,101
Could I work it into my act?
1022
00:39:14,102 --> 00:39:15,603
The one you liked? Or didn't like?
1023
00:39:15,604 --> 00:39:17,271
Afterward, I'll buy you dinner.
1024
00:39:17,272 --> 00:39:19,398
- Deal?
- Deal.
1025
00:39:19,399 --> 00:39:21,650
- You ready to go?
- I have to change. Ten minutes.
1026
00:39:21,651 --> 00:39:23,652
And then you'll tell me what
you thought about my act.
1027
00:39:23,653 --> 00:39:25,654
Depends on how good the outfit is.
1028
00:39:38,335 --> 00:39:39,960
Oh, how fabulous.
1029
00:39:39,961 --> 00:39:41,629
Cameras in your living room.
1030
00:39:41,630 --> 00:39:42,838
Mr. Bruce.
1031
00:39:42,839 --> 00:39:44,715
Oh, no. Mr. Bruce is his mother.
1032
00:39:44,716 --> 00:39:46,511
Very good. Yes, hello there.
1033
00:39:46,512 --> 00:39:47,995
Lenny Bruce reporting for duty.
1034
00:39:47,996 --> 00:39:49,261
- You're late.
- Well, I'm here.
1035
00:39:49,262 --> 00:39:51,555
That's early for me.
Uh, this is Midge Maisel.
1036
00:39:51,556 --> 00:39:54,266
- She's going to watch. Yes?
- Of course. Uh, follow me.
1037
00:39:54,267 --> 00:39:55,684
One hour, then I'll feed you.
1038
00:39:55,685 --> 00:39:57,186
I'm starting my stopwatch.
1039
00:39:57,187 --> 00:39:59,021
Brian, please get Miss Maisel situated.
1040
00:39:59,022 --> 00:40:01,579
- I'm actually Mrs. Maisel.
- Oh. You're married.
1041
00:40:01,580 --> 00:40:02,983
No. Well... yes.
1042
00:40:02,984 --> 00:40:04,110
I'm getting divorced.
1043
00:40:04,111 --> 00:40:05,694
Again. From the same man.
1044
00:40:05,695 --> 00:40:07,404
But Mrs. Maisel's also
my stage name, so I'll...
1045
00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:09,636
- Sit here.
- Okay. I'll finish the story later.
1046
00:40:09,637 --> 00:40:11,579
You were clearly on
the edge of your seat.
1047
00:40:11,580 --> 00:40:13,744
He'll do the intros, throw
it to Jem, then you're next.
1048
00:40:13,745 --> 00:40:15,746
You sit here. We'll get you a drink.
1049
00:40:15,747 --> 00:40:18,999
Later on you'll be joined by
Bella Abzug and Zsa Zsa Gabor.
1050
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:21,585
That can't end badly at all.
1051
00:40:21,586 --> 00:40:23,004
Uh, thank you.
1052
00:40:27,843 --> 00:40:29,427
You'll spoil your dinner.
1053
00:40:31,879 --> 00:40:33,737
Places, everyone. Places.
1054
00:40:33,738 --> 00:40:35,284
That's places, everyone.
1055
00:40:35,285 --> 00:40:37,059
Ladies, on either side of Mr. Bruce.
1056
00:40:37,060 --> 00:40:39,271
We go live in 20 seconds.
1057
00:40:45,152 --> 00:40:47,653
Five, four,
1058
00:40:47,654 --> 00:40:49,656
three, two...
1059
00:41:25,066 --> 00:41:26,734
Hello there.
1060
00:41:26,735 --> 00:41:29,695
Welcome to Miami's hippest
party, Miami After Dark.
1061
00:41:29,696 --> 00:41:31,447
A gathering of the best, the brightest,
1062
00:41:31,448 --> 00:41:33,490
the coolest cats and kittens in town.
1063
00:41:33,491 --> 00:41:35,368
Grab a drink.
1064
00:41:38,872 --> 00:41:40,915
- Jem.
- Hello, Brye.
1065
00:41:40,916 --> 00:41:42,291
Good turnout.
1066
00:41:42,292 --> 00:41:44,043
This is Jem Moreland.
1067
00:41:44,044 --> 00:41:46,587
He's composed some of the
most beloved songs of all time.
1068
00:41:46,588 --> 00:41:49,131
How old were you when you
wrote your first hit, Jem?
1069
00:41:49,132 --> 00:41:50,966
- 18, Brye.
- 18. Boy, oh, boy.
1070
00:41:50,967 --> 00:41:52,676
What was I doing at 18?
1071
00:41:52,677 --> 00:41:54,970
All the things I wished
I was doing at 18.
1072
00:41:54,971 --> 00:41:57,806
I wasn't, and that's
why I wrote my first hit.
1073
00:41:57,807 --> 00:42:00,184
- Well, ladies like a success.
- And a love song.
1074
00:42:00,185 --> 00:42:02,519
Speaking of which, you have
a new one coming out soon.
1075
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:06,190
I do. It was just recorded
by Mr. Frank Sinatra.
1076
00:42:06,191 --> 00:42:10,277
And, uh, it goes a little
something... like this.
1077
00:42:10,278 --> 00:42:11,403
Three, four.
1078
00:42:15,158 --> 00:42:17,284
* Who knew one kiss *
1079
00:42:17,285 --> 00:42:19,161
* Could kick like this *
1080
00:42:19,162 --> 00:42:21,121
* As smooth as a whiskey *
1081
00:42:21,122 --> 00:42:22,790
* And served up neat *
1082
00:42:22,791 --> 00:42:25,417
* That kiss was fine *
1083
00:42:25,418 --> 00:42:27,127
* But make mine *
1084
00:42:27,128 --> 00:42:28,880
* A double *
1085
00:42:30,674 --> 00:42:32,591
* One taste of that *
1086
00:42:32,592 --> 00:42:34,927
* And you've knocked me flat *
1087
00:42:34,928 --> 00:42:36,845
* Just like a Manhattan *
1088
00:42:36,846 --> 00:42:39,181
* But twice as sweet *
1089
00:42:39,182 --> 00:42:41,642
Marge, I'll get back to you in a minute.
1090
00:42:41,643 --> 00:42:43,519
* Make mine a double... *
1091
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:45,020
Marjorie Merriweather Post.
1092
00:42:45,021 --> 00:42:46,230
You should see her house.
1093
00:42:46,231 --> 00:42:48,649
Mar-a-Lago is as elegant as she is.
1094
00:42:50,777 --> 00:42:52,736
Hello, girls. Having fun?
1095
00:42:52,737 --> 00:42:55,072
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1096
00:42:55,073 --> 00:42:56,324
Okay.
1097
00:42:59,369 --> 00:43:01,578
You all know notorious
comedian Lenny Bruce.
1098
00:43:01,579 --> 00:43:03,580
- You enjoying the party?
- Not bad.
1099
00:43:03,581 --> 00:43:06,375
Uh, well, Zsa Zsa just
won 20 bucks off me.
1100
00:43:06,376 --> 00:43:08,877
She plays a mean game of truth or dare.
1101
00:43:08,878 --> 00:43:12,256
A-And a very adult version
of hide-and-seek.
1102
00:43:12,257 --> 00:43:15,009
If I ever need to get drugs
to Mexico, I know who to call.
1103
00:43:15,010 --> 00:43:17,011
- I wonder if I can get a drink.
- Well, I'd give you mine,
1104
00:43:17,012 --> 00:43:18,220
but Zsa Zsa drank it.
1105
00:43:18,221 --> 00:43:19,888
Like a really sexy camel.
1106
00:43:19,889 --> 00:43:21,307
Careful, Lenny.
1107
00:43:21,308 --> 00:43:23,935
- Or I'll marry you.
- Ho-ho.
1108
00:43:24,853 --> 00:43:26,687
Oh, great. Thank you.
1109
00:43:28,648 --> 00:43:30,274
I think she likes you.
1110
00:43:30,275 --> 00:43:32,818
She's just never seen a
circumcised schmeckle before.
1111
00:43:32,819 --> 00:43:34,820
Uh, but actually,
1112
00:43:34,821 --> 00:43:37,531
Brye, I'm here with
someone special tonight.
1113
00:43:37,532 --> 00:43:39,241
Someone I love dearly,
1114
00:43:39,242 --> 00:43:41,368
almost as much as I love myself.
1115
00:43:41,369 --> 00:43:43,454
Uh... uh, sweetheart?
1116
00:43:43,455 --> 00:43:44,705
Where are...
1117
00:43:44,706 --> 00:43:46,790
Ah, there you are.
1118
00:43:46,791 --> 00:43:49,376
Lenny... Looks like we
have a wandering Mr. Bruce.
1119
00:43:49,377 --> 00:43:50,794
What are you doing?
1120
00:43:50,795 --> 00:43:53,005
Well, it's time everybody
knows, don't you think?
1121
00:43:53,006 --> 00:43:55,049
Uh, I need to powder things.
1122
00:43:55,050 --> 00:43:56,884
- What is on your hands?
- Frosting.
1123
00:43:56,885 --> 00:43:58,969
- Other hand. Other hand.
- Oh, he's back.
1124
00:43:58,970 --> 00:44:00,304
Well, who have we here?
1125
00:44:00,305 --> 00:44:04,120
Brye, I'd like you to meet my
wife... or possibly my sister.
1126
00:44:04,121 --> 00:44:05,976
What are you, my wife or my sister?
1127
00:44:05,977 --> 00:44:07,770
Depends on what state we're in.
1128
00:44:07,771 --> 00:44:09,188
Let's go wife. What the hell?
1129
00:44:09,189 --> 00:44:10,773
Well, it's nice to meet
you, whoever you are.
1130
00:44:10,774 --> 00:44:12,173
It's nice to meet you, too.
1131
00:44:12,174 --> 00:44:14,485
She's a very big fan. She called in sick
1132
00:44:14,486 --> 00:44:16,904
- to work tonight just to be here.
- Oh? What do you do?
1133
00:44:16,905 --> 00:44:19,073
- I'm a Mountie.
- Yes, she's very good with horses.
1134
00:44:19,074 --> 00:44:20,866
- And moose.
- And squirrel.
1135
00:44:20,867 --> 00:44:23,369
A female Mountie? I didn't
know there were female Mounties.
1136
00:44:23,370 --> 00:44:24,912
Are you kidding? Have you seen the hats?
1137
00:44:24,913 --> 00:44:26,914
There's only female Mounties.
1138
00:44:26,915 --> 00:44:29,666
So, how long have you two
been married and/or related?
1139
00:44:29,667 --> 00:44:31,335
Oh, it's been six...
1140
00:44:31,336 --> 00:44:33,587
Uh, seven. You forgot our time at sea.
1141
00:44:33,588 --> 00:44:36,173
Yes, lost at sea. I almost
killed you and ate you.
1142
00:44:36,174 --> 00:44:37,841
But then we remembered fish.
1143
00:44:37,842 --> 00:44:39,551
- Seven fun-filled years.
- Weeks.
1144
00:44:39,552 --> 00:44:42,012
We got to rehearse this next time.
1145
00:44:42,013 --> 00:44:43,680
Well, you make a very handsome couple.
1146
00:44:43,681 --> 00:44:45,224
Oh, well, we get our
looks from our mother.
1147
00:44:45,225 --> 00:44:46,850
Ooh! They just put
out some new onion dip,
1148
00:44:46,851 --> 00:44:49,728
and I heard Betty Bacall is
a notorious double-dipper.
1149
00:44:49,729 --> 00:44:50,938
I've got to go.
1150
00:44:50,939 --> 00:44:52,398
Well, it was nice to meet you...
1151
00:44:52,399 --> 00:44:53,816
- Rhoda.
- Scheherazade.
1152
00:44:53,817 --> 00:44:56,860
Scheherazade Rhoda Maisel.
1153
00:44:56,861 --> 00:44:59,864
Quite a culturally confusing mouthful.
1154
00:45:01,574 --> 00:45:03,826
Great girl.
1155
00:45:03,827 --> 00:45:07,579
Well, you should see her rob
a liquor store.
1156
00:45:07,580 --> 00:45:09,039
Hey, that's Tennessee Williams.
1157
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:11,250
- Tennessee!
- Screw you, Bruce.
1158
00:45:11,251 --> 00:45:13,293
Tenn, my God, what's with the hostility?
1159
00:45:13,294 --> 00:45:15,337
You know very well, you son of a bitch.
1160
00:45:15,338 --> 00:45:17,506
Hey, what happened to the
Southern gentlemen bit?
1161
00:45:17,507 --> 00:45:19,091
I'm not talking to you.
1162
00:45:19,092 --> 00:45:21,468
- Why? What did I do?
- You're a prick.
1163
00:45:21,469 --> 00:45:22,553
Now, watch it, boys.
1164
00:45:22,554 --> 00:45:23,679
- We're live here.
- Shh.
1165
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:25,681
Did I tease you? Did I call you names?
1166
00:45:25,682 --> 00:45:27,850
Did I get drunk and say The Rose Tattoo
1167
00:45:27,851 --> 00:45:30,269
was a piece of overwrought,
substandard melodrama?
1168
00:45:30,270 --> 00:45:32,062
- What?
- I said I was drunk.
1169
00:45:32,063 --> 00:45:34,106
I should come over
there and just kill you.
1170
00:45:34,107 --> 00:45:36,525
- Tenn, I'm sorry, please.
- You're not.
1171
00:45:36,526 --> 00:45:39,361
You're an ugly, lowlife,
mean-spirited bastard.
1172
00:45:39,362 --> 00:45:41,029
Always with the poetry.
1173
00:45:41,030 --> 00:45:42,948
You hate me 'cause I'm Southern.
1174
00:45:42,949 --> 00:45:44,825
Well, it's not my
favorite thing about you.
1175
00:45:44,826 --> 00:45:47,786
- Go away!
- I don't believe this.
1176
00:45:47,787 --> 00:45:49,872
This is nuts. I'm having a fight
1177
00:45:49,873 --> 00:45:52,291
with Tennessee Williams
on the television.
1178
00:45:52,292 --> 00:45:54,251
Brye, this is a great show.
1179
00:45:54,252 --> 00:45:56,670
Sure as hell is!
1180
00:48:01,796 --> 00:48:03,589
You're staring.
1181
00:48:03,590 --> 00:48:05,173
Am I?
1182
00:48:05,174 --> 00:48:07,426
Do I have a hair out of place?
1183
00:48:07,427 --> 00:48:10,013
I didn't know how to tell you.
1184
00:48:15,226 --> 00:48:17,144
What do you think?
1185
00:48:17,145 --> 00:48:21,399
I just wish it had a
little more atmosphere.
1186
00:48:24,402 --> 00:48:27,404
You're still staring.
1187
00:48:27,405 --> 00:48:29,365
So are you.
1188
00:48:33,369 --> 00:48:35,371
Come on.
1189
00:48:36,706 --> 00:48:38,707
We're gonna dance.
1190
00:48:38,708 --> 00:48:40,834
You dance?
1191
00:48:40,835 --> 00:48:43,420
Well, we're certainly gonna find out.
1192
00:49:18,456 --> 00:49:23,335
* There were bells on the hill *
1193
00:49:23,336 --> 00:49:28,215
* But I never heard them ringing *
1194
00:49:28,216 --> 00:49:32,511
* No, I never heard them at all *
1195
00:49:32,512 --> 00:49:37,432
* Till there was you *
1196
00:49:37,433 --> 00:49:42,396
* There were birds in the sky... *
1197
00:49:42,397 --> 00:49:45,941
What's the matter? I'm not that bad.
1198
00:49:45,942 --> 00:49:48,985
I just can't think of
anything funny to say.
1199
00:49:48,986 --> 00:49:51,321
Yeah.
1200
00:49:51,322 --> 00:49:52,948
Me, either.
1201
00:49:52,949 --> 00:49:55,242
* Till there was you... *
1202
00:49:55,243 --> 00:49:56,827
It's kind of nice, isn't it?
1203
00:49:56,828 --> 00:50:00,414
* And there was music *
1204
00:50:00,415 --> 00:50:04,668
* And there were wonderful roses *
1205
00:50:04,669 --> 00:50:07,671
* They tell me *
1206
00:50:07,672 --> 00:50:12,008
* In sweet, fragrant meadows *
1207
00:50:12,009 --> 00:50:16,471
* Of dawn and dew *
1208
00:50:16,472 --> 00:50:21,184
* There was love all around *
1209
00:50:21,185 --> 00:50:24,312
* But I never heard *
1210
00:50:24,313 --> 00:50:26,106
* It singing *
1211
00:50:26,107 --> 00:50:29,943
* No, I never heard it at all... *
1212
00:50:29,944 --> 00:50:31,945
I really thought if
we stayed long enough,
1213
00:50:31,946 --> 00:50:33,196
there'd be a human sacrifice.
1214
00:50:33,197 --> 00:50:34,823
Oh, no, that's on Wednesdays.
1215
00:50:34,824 --> 00:50:36,366
Well, we'll just have to go back.
1216
00:50:36,367 --> 00:50:38,369
Anytime you like.
1217
00:50:40,747 --> 00:50:42,247
I had a good time.
1218
00:50:42,248 --> 00:50:44,666
That was the intent.
1219
00:50:44,667 --> 00:50:46,918
Here. Last puff.
1220
00:50:46,919 --> 00:50:50,005
Such a gentleman.
1221
00:50:50,006 --> 00:50:52,007
Is this your apartment building?
1222
00:50:52,008 --> 00:50:54,801
Uh, no, this is my hotel.
1223
00:50:54,802 --> 00:50:56,928
I thought you said you lived here now.
1224
00:50:56,929 --> 00:50:58,054
I do.
1225
00:50:58,055 --> 00:51:00,474
- In a hotel?
- Yes.
1226
00:51:00,475 --> 00:51:02,058
You're living in a hotel?
1227
00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:03,268
Who are you, Willy Loman?
1228
00:51:03,269 --> 00:51:05,562
Hey, this is a very nice hotel.
1229
00:51:05,563 --> 00:51:08,190
I've got a pool. They bring me towels.
1230
00:51:08,191 --> 00:51:10,442
The little soaps are adorable.
1231
00:51:10,443 --> 00:51:12,110
But it's not permanent.
1232
00:51:12,111 --> 00:51:13,653
I didn't say permanent.
1233
00:51:13,654 --> 00:51:15,238
I said I got mail.
1234
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:17,449
I just assumed when you
said you lived in Florida
1235
00:51:17,450 --> 00:51:19,117
that you meant you had an apartment.
1236
00:51:19,118 --> 00:51:20,535
Does it matter?
1237
00:51:20,536 --> 00:51:23,163
No. No, it doesn't.
1238
00:51:23,164 --> 00:51:25,540
You like a man who has a lease.
1239
00:51:25,541 --> 00:51:27,334
Depends on the man.
1240
00:51:27,335 --> 00:51:28,752
Depends on the lease.
1241
00:51:28,753 --> 00:51:30,462
I'm paid up through Friday.
1242
00:51:32,799 --> 00:51:35,091
Oh, it's nice being on the water.
1243
00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:37,427
Where are you living, by the way?
1244
00:51:37,428 --> 00:51:40,931
I'm not actually living anywhere.
1245
00:51:40,932 --> 00:51:44,351
Well, I'm on tour now, so
I live wherever the tour is,
1246
00:51:44,352 --> 00:51:46,812
and when I get back,
I'll have to find a place.
1247
00:51:46,813 --> 00:51:48,396
I suppose I can stay at my in-laws'.
1248
00:51:48,397 --> 00:51:50,273
Well, ex-in-laws'.
1249
00:51:50,274 --> 00:51:52,442
My parents are there now. Well, no.
1250
00:51:52,443 --> 00:51:54,277
They're actually here now
since they can't stand them,
1251
00:51:54,278 --> 00:51:57,072
so I probably can't live there, either.
1252
00:51:57,073 --> 00:52:00,243
A hotel's looking pretty good
to you right now, isn't it?
1253
00:52:01,953 --> 00:52:03,954
All right, this is me.
1254
00:52:03,955 --> 00:52:06,665
Nice, shiny number three.
1255
00:52:06,666 --> 00:52:09,709
Yes. Uh, it was actually 13,
1256
00:52:09,710 --> 00:52:11,211
but the one fell off.
1257
00:52:11,212 --> 00:52:12,629
If you lived in an apartment,
1258
00:52:12,630 --> 00:52:14,130
you could call the super about that.
1259
00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:15,966
And what would he do?
1260
00:52:15,967 --> 00:52:17,467
Nothing.
1261
00:52:17,468 --> 00:52:19,887
But you'd have somebody to call.
1262
00:52:23,808 --> 00:52:26,394
- Key.
- Ah.
1263
00:52:31,691 --> 00:52:34,693
- And it works.
- Yes.
1264
00:52:34,694 --> 00:52:38,030
The evening is going swimmingly so far.
1265
00:52:46,038 --> 00:52:48,040
So, what did you think of my act?
1266
00:52:49,625 --> 00:52:52,044
I thought it was sensational.
1267
00:52:53,212 --> 00:52:55,214
Thank you.
1268
00:53:03,598 --> 00:53:06,600
I'm gonna get a cab.
1269
00:53:06,601 --> 00:53:09,437
- I can get you one.
- I'm okay.
1270
00:53:15,484 --> 00:53:17,486
Catch.
1271
00:53:22,491 --> 00:53:24,243
Hey.
1272
00:53:29,248 --> 00:53:31,875
Maybe someday.
1273
00:53:31,876 --> 00:53:33,878
Before I'm dead.
1274
00:53:35,630 --> 00:53:37,632
It's a date.
90567
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.