All language subtitles for The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - 03x05 - Its Comedy or Cabbage.ION10+STRiFE+SKGTV.English.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,975 Buy yourself some driving gloves. 2 00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:18,309 Whew, it's hot. 3 00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:20,520 Watch the bag guy, watch the bag guy. 4 00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,522 - Right. Uh, please put those on the bottom. - Those shoes need a shine, kid. 5 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,441 - Those are hats. Hats on top, right-side up. - Yes, ma'am. 6 00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:26,526 - Hats on top. So you remember. - Thank you, sir. 7 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,862 Maisel and Myerson. You got a girl? Take her to a show. 8 00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:31,351 - Thank you. - I'm sweating my ass off. Are you sweating your ass off? 9 00:00:31,352 --> 00:00:33,555 - Take off your jacket. - How's that gonna help my ass? 10 00:00:33,556 --> 00:00:35,160 - Welcome to the Fontainebleau. - Susie Myerson. 11 00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:37,452 - Buy yourself something pretty. - We're here with the Shy Baldwin tour. 12 00:00:37,453 --> 00:00:38,705 Ah, yes. Follow me. 13 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,732 - Susie Myerson. Remember the face. - I will. 14 00:00:40,733 --> 00:00:42,167 - Susie Myerson. Remember the face. - Absolutely. 15 00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:43,918 Susie Myerson. Remember the face. 16 00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,712 You don't have to tip everyone, you know. 17 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:48,006 Eh, to be a big shot, you got to act like a big shot. 18 00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:49,090 Big shots tip. 19 00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,508 But that guy doesn't work here. 20 00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:51,718 What? Shit. 21 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,636 Hey! Give me that back! 22 00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,327 Oh. 'Scuse me. 23 00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:28,421 - Hello. I'm Miriam... - Got it. 24 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,923 - Oh. - Maisel and Myerson. 25 00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:31,674 That's for you. Get yourself a hokeypokey. 26 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:34,177 - Welcome to the Fontainebleau. We have you in a... - Standard room, 27 00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,678 - twin beds. - Facing the ocean, not the pool. 28 00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:37,263 - Away from the elevator. - And the ice machine. 29 00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,015 - But near the cigarette machine. - And the emergency exit. 30 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,183 - What floor? - Tenth floor. 31 00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:41,377 Ooh, too high. 32 00:01:41,378 --> 00:01:42,560 Room service gets cold. 33 00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:44,229 - And you can't jump out if there's a fire. - Mm. 34 00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,564 - Third floor. Away from families. - Kids scream. 35 00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:47,774 - She swears. - No kids. 36 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,067 Oh, no first-time fuckers. 37 00:01:49,068 --> 00:01:50,321 - Pardon me? - Newlyweds. 38 00:01:50,322 --> 00:01:52,034 - They scream, too. - Anything else? 39 00:01:52,035 --> 00:01:54,405 Yes, do you have a set of hotel schematics we could look at? 40 00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:56,324 We're most interested in the kitchen ventilation system 41 00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:57,575 and the routing of the ductwork. 42 00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,077 Remember the Ambassador in L.A.? 43 00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:00,912 Whole place smelled like chlorine 44 00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:02,372 and discount cocaine. 45 00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:03,915 I'll go ask. 46 00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:06,405 How many of the words in that request 47 00:02:06,406 --> 00:02:07,452 do you think she understood? 48 00:02:07,453 --> 00:02:09,254 Not everyone outside of Manhattan's an idiot. 49 00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:12,549 - Well... - Okay, Fontainebleau. 50 00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:16,052 What things can I playfully lampoon about you in my act? 51 00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:17,554 Susie. 52 00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:19,097 A staircase to nowhere. 53 00:02:19,098 --> 00:02:20,515 A what to where? 54 00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:22,517 See that staircase? It's there just so the ladies 55 00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:24,143 can walk down in their finest dresses 56 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,145 - and everybody can watch them. - Well, there you go. 57 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,815 You can do an entire act on that completely asinine... 58 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,567 Oh. You don't want to make fun of it... 59 00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,402 - you want to walk down it. - Well, that new green dress 60 00:02:32,403 --> 00:02:34,028 is just dying for some attention. 61 00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:35,697 Uh-huh. See, I never know 62 00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:37,699 when Borscht Belt Barbie's gonna come back out. 63 00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:39,868 Okay. Go ahead. Walk down the staircase. 64 00:02:39,869 --> 00:02:42,412 I'll be in the bar, wondering why I never used my law degree. 65 00:02:42,413 --> 00:02:44,497 - Your what? - Okay, I could not find 66 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,999 schematics or a ventilation plan, 67 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,991 but here's the emergency exit layout, 68 00:02:47,992 --> 00:02:50,044 which actually shows you a good portion of the ductwork. 69 00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:51,379 Wait a second, you're competent? 70 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,672 You got to get out of Florida. 71 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,090 Seriously, get on a bus 72 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:55,758 and get to New York. You do not belong here. 73 00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:57,719 Take it. Go. Don't even check us in. 74 00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,554 Third floor. I'll have your bags follow you up. 75 00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:00,972 And then you'll leave? After the bags? 76 00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:02,473 - Come on, Susie. - Save yourself! 77 00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:04,475 Did you say you had a law degree? 78 00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,644 Huh? Hey, hold the elevator. 79 00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:08,104 - Ooh. - Hold the elevator! 80 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,235 Hello? 81 00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:15,445 I'm home! 82 00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:17,280 ... Kitty Carlisle, 83 00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:20,450 Don Ameche and Polly Bergen 84 00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:22,869 on To Tell the Truth, 85 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,871 with your host, Bud Collyer! 86 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,958 I got some of Moishe's prune Danish, 87 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,044 - like you... - What is your name, please? 88 00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:33,797 My name is Judy Delp. 89 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:37,216 My name is Judy Delp. 90 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,635 Zelda, what are you doing? 91 00:03:38,636 --> 00:03:39,969 - My name is Judy Delp. - Watching TV. 92 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:42,221 - But what are you wearing? - Clothes. 93 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,223 - Street clothes. - Talk to her. 94 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,559 - Shirley? - I don't want people to think I have a maid. 95 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,728 That uniform was a dead giveaway. 96 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,384 But Zelda is a maid. 97 00:03:50,385 --> 00:03:51,680 A maid wears a uniform. 98 00:03:51,681 --> 00:03:52,857 Well, she can wear it at night 99 00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:53,858 if it'll make you feel any better. 100 00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:55,318 - Night? - When it's dark. 101 00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:57,028 - And the lights are out. - I can wear it to bed. 102 00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:59,030 - Yes, she can wear it to bed. - This is unbelievable. 103 00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:01,282 - I step out of this house for five minutes and... - Shh! 104 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,450 Did you just shush me? 105 00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:03,701 I have money on this. 106 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,370 - You have... - I think it's one. 107 00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:07,830 She looks like she's been brained by a baton a few times. 108 00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,290 - I have no idea. - Would you mind running through 109 00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:10,375 that again for us, please? 110 00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:11,417 I don't think we got it all. 111 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,919 Anyway, the votes are in, 112 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,504 such as they are. Let's see which one... 113 00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:16,172 - Should I get that? - Would you? 114 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:17,882 ... baton twirling champion. 115 00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:22,470 So will the real Judy Delp please stand up? 116 00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:24,305 - Skurwysyn! - I told you. 117 00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:28,226 Oh, wait. Mrs. Weissman? 118 00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:29,352 Yes. 119 00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:31,688 Can I have next Friday off? 120 00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:33,690 I think... 121 00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:36,025 I think nothing would be better than... 122 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,781 I just want to say, I fucking hate Florida. 123 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,399 - You should take your jacket off. - No. 124 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:44,675 You should take your boots off. 125 00:04:44,676 --> 00:04:46,160 I think you'll regret that request. 126 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,453 You want some lemonade? 127 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,080 No, I don't want any fucking lemonade. 128 00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:50,623 Does it look like I'm sitting here thinking 129 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,672 about some goddamned ass-licking, cock-sucking, 130 00:04:52,673 --> 00:04:53,751 dick-whacking lemonade? 131 00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:56,254 Just one, please. 132 00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:58,256 I don't understand this place. Why is it here? 133 00:04:58,257 --> 00:05:01,009 Well, the Atlantic Ocean opened up about 200 million years ago, 134 00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,260 pushing North America westward, 135 00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:05,263 away from the supercontinent Pangaea. 136 00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:06,305 It's in the brochure. 137 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,682 You want a smack in the mouth? 138 00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:09,350 I did not tell you to come to the pool. 139 00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,185 You did, too. You told me to come down here 140 00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,270 and sit with you and relax. 141 00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:13,938 When does the relaxing start? 142 00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,690 How can you relax? 143 00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:17,525 It's boiling. It's humid. 144 00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,547 There's bugs and snakes 145 00:05:19,548 --> 00:05:21,738 and birds and bats and alligators and sand. 146 00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:23,740 There's sand everywhere... in the sandwiches, 147 00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:25,575 in the room, in my hair, in my ass. 148 00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,910 I haven't been anywhere near the beach and I have sand in my ass. 149 00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,329 That says more about you than it does about Florida. 150 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,665 That was a big mistake, kid! Big mistake! 151 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,083 Remember the face! 152 00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,650 You have to calm down. 153 00:05:35,651 --> 00:05:37,003 Seriously. 154 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,465 Why do Jews do this to themselves? 155 00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:42,717 Why do they find terrible places and go live there? 156 00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:44,635 "Hey, here's a piece of the desert surrounded by people 157 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:47,346 who hate us. Where do I sign?" 158 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,849 I'm gonna die on this chair. 159 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,517 Susie, go in the pool. Cool off. 160 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:52,935 You'll feel so much better. 161 00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:56,023 You do know how to swim, don't you? 162 00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:58,316 Are you kidding? 163 00:05:58,317 --> 00:05:59,859 You grew up in the Rockaways. 164 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,569 Your house was on stilts. How do you not know 165 00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:02,987 - how to swim? - 'Cause my drunken whore 166 00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:04,655 of a mother never taught me, okay? 167 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:05,907 What if you fell in the water? 168 00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:07,867 Well, then Christmas came early that year. 169 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,786 Okay. That's it. 170 00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:11,204 Get up. 171 00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:13,620 - I am gonna teach you how to swim. - No way. 172 00:06:13,621 --> 00:06:15,568 I was a certified swimming instructor in the Catskills. 173 00:06:15,569 --> 00:06:17,085 - I am an expert. - Get out of here. 174 00:06:17,086 --> 00:06:18,753 Swimming's fun. It makes your tush tight. 175 00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:20,338 I like a nice loose tush. 176 00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:22,264 Hey, we are on tour now. 177 00:06:22,265 --> 00:06:23,546 We will be flying in planes. 178 00:06:23,547 --> 00:06:25,009 And if one of those planes goes down in the water, 179 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,511 you are gonna have to know how to swim. 180 00:06:26,512 --> 00:06:28,930 Oh, good. You found a way to make flying even worse. 181 00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:30,223 Come on. 182 00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:32,475 I am not swimming or traveling with you anymore. 183 00:06:32,476 --> 00:06:34,894 Once you get in, you'll see. It'll be fun. 184 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,688 Now, you are gonna need a bathing suit. 185 00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:38,689 - Jump! - No. 186 00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,108 - Susie, I'll catch you. - Fuck you. 187 00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:41,109 - You won't. - I swear I'll catch you. 188 00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,193 - No, you won't! - I will. 189 00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:43,611 - You're lying! - Susie, just jump! 190 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,446 - You jump! - You're acting like a four-year-old. 191 00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:47,115 - You're acting like a four-year-old! - Just jump to me! 192 00:06:47,116 --> 00:06:49,033 - You jump to me! - No, you jump to me! 193 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,701 - Kick! - Oh! Do not let me go! 194 00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:52,703 - I won't let you go! - Water up the nose! 195 00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:54,288 - I got water up my nose! - I've got you! 196 00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:56,023 Just fucking relax and kick! 197 00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,048 You fucking kick! 198 00:06:57,049 --> 00:06:58,292 There are children here! 199 00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,428 Stop saying "fuck"! 200 00:06:59,429 --> 00:07:00,962 You stop saying "fuck"! 201 00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:02,380 What are you staring at? 202 00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:03,714 What are they staring at?! 203 00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:04,715 Here we go. 204 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:06,092 - One. - Do not do this. 205 00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,510 - Two. - Miriam, I said don't. 206 00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:09,262 - Big breath. - I will kill your children. 207 00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,097 I will kill them and I will dress up in their clothes 208 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,348 - and I will haunt you. - Three! 209 00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,766 Oh, God! 210 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,768 Oh, God. Oh... 211 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,603 Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. 212 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,438 Susie, you're doing it! 213 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,357 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 214 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,568 Who peed? Who peed in this pool? 215 00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:25,570 Well, at least you're honest. 216 00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:27,363 You're doing great! Keep going! 217 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,698 Turn me around. Turn me around. 218 00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:31,306 Good girl. Good girl, Susie. 219 00:07:31,307 --> 00:07:32,493 You're swimming! 220 00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:33,744 What are you doing? 221 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:34,745 - I'm coming. - No... 222 00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,038 I'm coming for you. 223 00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:37,623 - Stop it. - No, it's gonna happen. 224 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,916 You're being ridiculous. 225 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:40,543 You should be happy. 226 00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:42,588 This is good, Susie! 227 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,549 Well, that was fun. 228 00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,893 God, it's fucking hot. 229 00:07:48,894 --> 00:07:50,219 Susie Myerson? 230 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,555 - There's a call for Susie Myerson. - Mm. 231 00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:53,639 Over here. 232 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:54,724 Susie Myerson? 233 00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:56,559 You need to see a birth certificate? 234 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,769 Here. Remember the face. 235 00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:00,188 Susie Myerson here. 236 00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:01,564 Rehearsals are a disaster. 237 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:04,567 A complete, unmitigated disaster. 238 00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,402 - Why? - A million reasons. 239 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:09,030 For one, what's-his-face, the director, hates me. 240 00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,072 I don't believe that. 241 00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:12,074 I haven't had anyone look at me that coldly 242 00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,910 since I had my mother deported. 243 00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:15,244 It is not working. 244 00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:16,954 We should find someone else. 245 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,707 Sophie, this guy is the hottest director on Broadway. 246 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:22,126 He has three plays running. Two are The Cherry Orchard. 247 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,544 He could have his pick of projects, 248 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,296 and he wanted to do this play with you, 249 00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:26,505 with Sophie Lennon. 250 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,925 Well, Sophie Lennon doesn't like him. 251 00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:30,635 He's bossy. 252 00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:32,220 - What did he do? - I wanted to sit 253 00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:34,472 on one of my lines, and he said stand. 254 00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:35,890 Then he told me I had to wear a wig, 255 00:08:35,891 --> 00:08:37,516 so he obviously hates my hair. 256 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,976 He said no to the nudity, 257 00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:41,444 and he told me I had to memorize my lines. 258 00:08:41,445 --> 00:08:43,522 Well, you were planning to memorize your lines anyway, weren't you? 259 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,441 Yes, but now I don't want to. 260 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,110 I despise being told what to do. 261 00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:49,487 That's kind of his job, Sophie. 262 00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:51,322 Oh, and he loves Gavin. 263 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:53,741 Oh, Gavin is his favorite. 264 00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,660 They talk and they laugh. 265 00:08:55,661 --> 00:08:56,911 Probably about my hair. 266 00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:58,871 And did you hear about Gavin's movie? 267 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,832 - No. - Gavin is doing a pirate movie 268 00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:04,460 in the fall, and, apparently, he has a hard out. 269 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:07,546 And now they're telling me our opening date isn't flexible. 270 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,547 It's not flexible. 271 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,758 - Everything's flexible. - Sophie, 272 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,343 the theater's been booked, the date's been announced, 273 00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:13,928 money's changed hands. That's it. 274 00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,596 But what if it's not ready by then? 275 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:16,931 What if it needs more time? 276 00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:18,849 And by "it", I mean "me". 277 00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,559 You'll be ready. You'll be great. 278 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,561 I am not happy. I feel unsettled. 279 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,480 I need my manager here. 280 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:27,484 I will be there as soon as I can. 281 00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:31,195 I promise. 282 00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,447 Very, very soon. 283 00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:36,451 Like... by the end of the week. 284 00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:39,870 I'm packing now. 285 00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,249 Was that so hard? 286 00:09:44,258 --> 00:09:46,116 Hey, could you un-teach me how to swim 287 00:09:46,117 --> 00:09:47,628 so I can drown myself? 288 00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,130 The font is electric. 289 00:09:49,131 --> 00:09:51,407 Trotsky used the same font in his earliest pamphlets. 290 00:09:51,408 --> 00:09:52,652 This font could change the world. 291 00:09:52,653 --> 00:09:53,718 Right, Abe? 292 00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:55,136 - Abe? - Huh? 293 00:09:55,137 --> 00:09:56,887 Oh, yes. Great font. 294 00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:59,974 Uh, hey, can we talk about the size? 295 00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:00,975 The size of what? 296 00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:02,310 The size of the paper. 297 00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:03,311 What about it? 298 00:10:03,312 --> 00:10:04,854 Well, it's... 299 00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,605 I mean... 300 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,691 This doesn't look strange to you? 301 00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,651 - Your outfit? - No. What? 302 00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:12,653 Not my outfit. The paper. 303 00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,196 The paper is enormous. 304 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:15,781 Big ideas need space, Abe. 305 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:18,322 I understand that, but this is a lot of space. 306 00:10:18,323 --> 00:10:20,828 I mean, it's not even shaped like a newspaper. 307 00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,496 You mean it's not shaped like The New York Times. 308 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,165 The fascist New York Times. 309 00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:26,625 Forget everything you know about a newspaper, Abe. 310 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,626 We're changing all the rules. 311 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,919 It's the '60s, man. 312 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,756 Yes, thank you for... reminding me of that. 313 00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:34,008 Uh, one more question here. 314 00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:36,093 Uh, where's the title? 315 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,095 - It's on the fourth page. - The fourth? 316 00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,805 You have to care enough about the cause to find it. 317 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,016 Keep going. Keep going. 318 00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:43,351 Keep going. 319 00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:44,977 Keep go... Oh, wait, you passed it. 320 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:45,978 I did? 321 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,396 Oh. Yes. 322 00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:49,315 There it is. 323 00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,150 "Title to come". 324 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,735 Says it all. 325 00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,453 Did we settle on that or are we still pitching? 326 00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:55,529 Abe. 327 00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:58,367 May I see you in the kitchen for a moment, please? 328 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,290 Who are they? 329 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,084 My friends from the paper. 330 00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:10,586 Did you ask my permission before you invited your friends over? 331 00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:11,837 I thought I did. 332 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:12,922 Well, you didn't. 333 00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:15,424 Well, I'm sorry, Shirley. 334 00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:18,844 But I did ask Moishe last night, 335 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,513 and he said it was okay. 336 00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:21,555 He did? 337 00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,182 - Yes, he did. - Ah. 338 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,392 He never mentioned anything to me 339 00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:25,726 about you having your friends over. 340 00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:28,312 Well, maybe he forgot to tell you, but he did. 341 00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,147 - Should I ask him? - What? 342 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,066 He's upstairs. I can ask him right now. 343 00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,275 I don't think... 344 00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:34,735 Moishe! 345 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:37,863 Moishe, could you come down here, please? 346 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,323 Sh-Shirley, this is completely unnecessary. 347 00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:40,783 - Moishe! - Shirley. 348 00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:42,368 - Someone's in trouble. - Shut up, Alan. 349 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,828 - Moishe! - Yeah?! 350 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,871 Can you come down here, please? 351 00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,248 Shirley, I assure you... 352 00:11:47,249 --> 00:11:48,791 - Moishe! - I'm not wearing pants! 353 00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,501 I need to ask you something. 354 00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:51,794 You can't ask me from there? 355 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,754 - No. - Do I need to put on pants? 356 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,381 - Yes! - All right. 357 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,258 Even though it's Wednesday, and Wednesday's the day 358 00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:59,301 I stay home and work without pants! 359 00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:01,303 Shirley, we're just sitting in the dining room 360 00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:02,805 discussing the paper. 361 00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:04,515 We'll be another half hour at the most. 362 00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,100 All right, I'm down. 363 00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,436 - What do you want? - Did you give Abe permission 364 00:12:08,437 --> 00:12:10,146 - to have his friends over? - No. 365 00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:11,605 You did, too. 366 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:13,795 - Remember? Last night? - No. 367 00:12:13,796 --> 00:12:15,484 - Abe says you did. - I did what? 368 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,236 Say that he could have his friends over. 369 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,320 Ah. No. 370 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,989 So, Abe, now you're lying to us? 371 00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:22,241 I am not lying. I asked. 372 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,160 He doesn't remember; it happens. 373 00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:26,120 - You didn't ask. - All right, fine. 374 00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:27,705 I won't argue with you. 375 00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:31,208 But at this moment, my friends are here, in the dining room, 376 00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,461 which I told you they would be, 377 00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:36,172 and you forgot, but since you agreed 378 00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:37,923 that it would be fine for them to come, 379 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,259 and since they are here... 380 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,803 there... already, 381 00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:45,367 what am I supposed to do? 382 00:12:45,368 --> 00:12:47,683 I don't think we need weather. If they want 383 00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,268 to know the weather, they can look outside. 384 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,937 That's crazy, man. 385 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,939 Something wrong, Abe? Again? 386 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,566 I thought you'd be happy. 387 00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:56,817 We agreed to move the title back 388 00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,110 to the front page like you wanted. 389 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,321 I can't believe this spelling. 390 00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:03,449 How many Ls in latitude? Anyone? 391 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,300 Too long a pause. 392 00:13:05,301 --> 00:13:06,994 W-What are you doing? Are you correcting it? 393 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,537 Apostrophe "S". 394 00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:11,624 We're fighting against fascism, not punctuation. 395 00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,167 Wow. Dig the cap and gownship. 396 00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:14,460 I feel like I'm back in school, man. 397 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,128 You should be back in school. 398 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,797 This looks like it was written by a pack of jackals. 399 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,549 You know what, Abe? You're becoming a bit of a drag. 400 00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,218 Drag, drag, drag. 401 00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:23,844 We just finished our first paper. 402 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,262 That's right. 403 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:28,225 And Ezra has outdone himself. 404 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,644 I thought you were Alan's girlfriend. 405 00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:34,730 No woman is any man's property. 406 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:35,981 You should be looking at the ideas. 407 00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,399 Not the spelling. Not the grammar. 408 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,694 - Look, people... - Ugh. Old man lecture time. 409 00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:44,156 The greatest threat to humanity is ignorance. 410 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,617 That's why the free press is so important. 411 00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:47,619 Abe. 412 00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:52,957 This is not a corporate, sanitized, proofed paper. 413 00:13:52,958 --> 00:13:55,709 It's real, it's raw, it's ragged. 414 00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,419 Who cares about spelling and punctuation 415 00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,046 - and clarity? - And page numbers. 416 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,215 You're not taking this seriously. 417 00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:03,551 In my day we took things seriously. 418 00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:06,095 Yes. And then there was World War I. 419 00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,805 What the hell does that mean? 420 00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,974 Next stop, 53rd and Lexington. 421 00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:11,517 - Next stop, 53 and Lex. - Okay. That's it. 422 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,310 I'm gonna blow this pop stand. 423 00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:14,603 We're not done. 424 00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,230 I've had my fill of your negativity. 425 00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:17,898 Plus, my mother's gonna do my laundry 426 00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:19,692 and if I get there before 6:00, there's chicken. 427 00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,528 Your mother makes great chicken. 428 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:23,938 Can we stop at Bloomingdale's? 429 00:14:23,939 --> 00:14:25,023 I need pantyhose. 430 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:32,538 They spelled "New York" with a "C". 431 00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,958 Vive la r�sistance. 432 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,168 I told you to get out of the sun. 433 00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:39,795 And I told you to go fuck yourself, 434 00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,547 so neither one of us takes direction very well. 435 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:42,840 We'll find a pharmacy. 436 00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,300 Some calamine lotion, an aspirin, 437 00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:46,927 an ice bath... you'll feel much better. 438 00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:48,887 I didn't mean you should go fuck yourself. 439 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,848 - I know. - I'm just very hot here. 440 00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:52,266 I know. 441 00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:54,602 - I'm sorry. - You're not going to die. 442 00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:56,312 Are you sure? 'Cause I feel like I'm gonna die. 443 00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:59,023 - You'll be fine. - I look scary. 444 00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:01,066 - Children are running from me. - They do that anyway. 445 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,735 Has nothing to do with the sunburn. 446 00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:05,195 Am I walking funny? Like I have elephant balls? 447 00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:09,241 No. You're walking like you have your normal-sized balls. 448 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,701 You think that old lady's mad 449 00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:12,119 I shoved her and took her umbrella? 450 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,912 Well, you did tip her, so... 451 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,914 But she was getting back up when we walked away, right? 452 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,250 - Absolutely. - Those sirens weren't for her? 453 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,836 You want to look at the water? The water's pretty. 454 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,212 The plane ride back to New York's 455 00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:23,631 gonna be a real treat. 456 00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:24,923 You sure you have to go back now? 457 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,425 You can't wait a day? 458 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,011 I promised you I wouldn't talk about her. 459 00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,429 Can I give you some advice? 460 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,680 Stay out of the sun. 461 00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:33,766 No, some real advice. 462 00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,643 About Sophie. 463 00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,645 You need to be strong. 464 00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:39,647 - What are you talking about? - Sophie's a bully. 465 00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:41,440 A bully only responds to other bullies. 466 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,182 Where'd you learn that, on the mean streets 467 00:15:43,183 --> 00:15:44,485 of the Upper West Side? 468 00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,528 She hired you to guide her the way you guide me. 469 00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:48,280 You don't pull any punches with me. 470 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,157 Sometimes I wish you would. Sometimes I think, 471 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,992 my God, if only Susie wouldn't mention 472 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,940 every single thing that I did wrong. 473 00:15:53,941 --> 00:15:55,456 Every joke I missed. 474 00:15:55,457 --> 00:15:56,557 Every laugh I jumped. 475 00:15:56,558 --> 00:15:58,082 Every town I pronounced wrong. 476 00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,416 Hoboken. How hard is that? 477 00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:00,959 But you don't let up, 478 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,170 and you don't back down, and you don't lie to me. 479 00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:04,546 You're tough. 480 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,798 You're tough with me. 481 00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,966 You have to be tough with Sophie. 482 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,968 Okay. You're right. 483 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,638 I'll be tough. 484 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,848 Ow. Ow. Ow. 485 00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,475 Yeah, a little tougher than that. 486 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:20,270 Okay. 487 00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,272 That's gonna stay put. 488 00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:24,358 50-50 shot. 489 00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:25,776 Well? Did you find it? 490 00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:28,237 - No. - No. Of course no. 491 00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:30,614 The only word I ever hear in English in this place is "no". 492 00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,449 - Who was that? - Plumber. 493 00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:34,076 There's a rumbling in the walls 494 00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:35,869 that's either rusty pipes or a golem. 495 00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,996 Let's hope for rusty pipes. 496 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,040 - Come grab some buns! - Excuse me? 497 00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:42,501 Red bean buns. They have healing qualities. 498 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,878 I thought you'd need them after the plumber gave you the news. 499 00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:46,171 - What news? - He didn't tell you? 500 00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,340 - No. - Have a bun. 501 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,801 - Tell me what he said. - No, I'll let him tell you. 502 00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,636 I don't want to become the face of bad news. 503 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:55,472 When you look at this face, all I want you to think is... 504 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,107 - You know it's not fair when you do that. - I do. 505 00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:06,608 * I'll always love you, darlin' * 506 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,610 * Come what may... * 507 00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,696 Paint... that. 508 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,573 I'm studying. 509 00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:14,950 Fix things quietly. 510 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:17,661 Okay, let's start with the... Hey. 511 00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,413 What did the plumber say? 512 00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:20,497 Working. Studying. 513 00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,207 Ooh! Cancer. Fun. 514 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:25,169 - You do have a type. - Yes, I do. 515 00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:27,087 Are we using the word "girlfriend"? 516 00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:29,089 - No. Not yet. - Okay. 517 00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:31,216 She did give me a phone number. Not sure it's hers, 518 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,968 but there's the right amount of digits. 519 00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,769 Every great love story started just like that. 520 00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:38,682 - Golem? - That's him. 521 00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,809 So, when the exorcism is done, 522 00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,208 how long till you can open the place? 523 00:17:42,209 --> 00:17:43,520 I don't know. Why? 524 00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:45,689 Well, as a friend, I take an interest in your success. 525 00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,232 And? 526 00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,859 Imogene's getting a little less tolerant 527 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,611 about my time here. 528 00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:53,071 I bought her a new blender, but the novelty is wearing off. 529 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,990 So, just wondering, what do you think will get me 530 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,534 to the opening, a new set of bar glasses or something bigger? 531 00:17:57,535 --> 00:17:59,161 - Bigger. - Dishwasher? 532 00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:00,945 If this liquor license doesn't come through soon, 533 00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:02,015 there won't be a club. 534 00:18:02,016 --> 00:18:03,874 The guy in charge is a pain in the ass. 535 00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:06,084 I'm gonna go down there tomorrow to appeal in person. 536 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,920 - Try the charm offense. - Mm-hmm. 537 00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,588 So, car. Convertible or hard top? 538 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,048 I'd go summer home. 539 00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:12,341 - By the lake? - With a boat. 540 00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:13,926 And Cary Grant as her new husband. 541 00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:16,261 I think that you are shaking. 542 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:20,849 A big strong fella like you, and with such arms. 543 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,726 This is very exciting. 544 00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:24,144 It is. 545 00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,189 Can't you sit still? 546 00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,690 There, now. There. It is gone. 547 00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:31,568 You're giving off a lot of heat. 548 00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:35,364 Miss Julie, listen to me. 549 00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:38,408 Christine has gone to bed now. 550 00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:40,077 Won't you listen to me? 551 00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:42,371 Kiss my hand first. 552 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,747 Listen to me. 553 00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:46,124 Kiss my hand first! 554 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,543 Too loud again? 555 00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:48,961 Well, there's an exclamation point, 556 00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,420 so I thought I'd do that. 557 00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:53,298 Play tennis. 558 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,591 Continue. 559 00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,134 For what? 560 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:59,096 - Are you still a mere child at 25? - Mm. 561 00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:01,723 Don't you know that it is dangerous playing with fire? 562 00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:05,728 Not for me. I'm insured. I... 563 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,611 Lob the ball. 564 00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,364 Continue. 565 00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:21,869 Not for me. 566 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,996 I am insured. 567 00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:26,540 No, you are not. 568 00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:27,958 And even if you were. 569 00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:29,918 there are inflammable surroundings 570 00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:31,420 to be countered with. 571 00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:34,716 You, I suppose? 572 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:37,843 Is that me again? 573 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,177 Yes, it's me. 574 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,221 - Sophie. - Yes. 575 00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:44,225 Serve and don't volley. 576 00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:47,561 Manager. I need my manager. 577 00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:48,979 Yep, Sophie, right here. 578 00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:50,355 I'm not feeling safe. 579 00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:52,065 And I can't create if I'm not feeling safe. 580 00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:54,109 As long as we're stopped, I have a question. 581 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:55,611 What am I doing offstage? 582 00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:56,737 Am I still asleep? 583 00:19:56,738 --> 00:19:57,863 Who are you? 584 00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:58,906 I'm Moira. 585 00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:00,032 I'm in the play with you. 586 00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,783 She's playing Christine. 587 00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,327 Who's Christine? 588 00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:06,663 The third character in this three-person play. 589 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,041 All right. This is exactly what I'm talking about. 590 00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,126 I need to be told things. 591 00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:12,961 I should have been informed that there was 592 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,296 a third person in this play. 593 00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:16,214 I read with you for my audition. 594 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,675 Let's return to the top. Who wants to serve? 595 00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:20,761 No! No, stop. No serving. 596 00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:23,482 No one's listening to me. No one respects me. 597 00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:25,140 - Everyone respects you. - Oh, really? 598 00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,434 Then where is my set? 599 00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,853 Other leading ladies get sets. 600 00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:31,062 Where's mine? 601 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,148 The set is still being built, Sophie. 602 00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,192 We taped out the dimensions of it on the floor. 603 00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:36,610 I need more than tape. 604 00:20:36,611 --> 00:20:38,236 I am creating a reality. 605 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,614 And at the beginning of the play, I enter. 606 00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,491 How do I enter? 607 00:20:42,492 --> 00:20:44,534 Well, that's the door there. 608 00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:46,036 That is not a door. 609 00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:48,455 That is more tape. I cannot open tape. 610 00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,999 I cannot feel tape in my hand. 611 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,752 And when I come in, I am opening a door. 612 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:56,129 How do I know what it feels like 613 00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,256 - to open a door? - Sophie. 614 00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,384 If I may? Over there is a door, 615 00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,053 why don't you just remind yourself? 616 00:21:38,548 --> 00:21:40,841 This could be more entertaining than the play. 617 00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:42,175 Mm. 618 00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:44,929 Oh. God bless you, sir. 619 00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:02,280 Room service. 620 00:22:03,865 --> 00:22:05,198 Finally. 621 00:22:05,199 --> 00:22:07,200 You come from Jersey? 622 00:22:07,201 --> 00:22:08,453 You want to eat? 623 00:22:17,045 --> 00:22:19,337 Beer's in the bathtub, booze is on the sill. 624 00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:22,967 Thank you. 625 00:22:25,428 --> 00:22:27,012 Here you go. 626 00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:29,264 Got a bathtub full of ice. 627 00:22:29,265 --> 00:22:31,016 I like cold beer. 628 00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:32,476 How do you shower? 629 00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:34,352 There's showers at the pool. 630 00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:36,354 That's ingenious. 631 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,357 That's 15 years on the road. 632 00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:44,112 To someone with tits to talk to. 633 00:22:44,113 --> 00:22:47,116 I was gonna go with "new friends", but yours is better. 634 00:22:48,534 --> 00:22:50,619 What didn't you order? 635 00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:52,537 The fish. Stinks up the drapes. 636 00:22:52,538 --> 00:22:54,790 You pay for all this on your per diem? 637 00:22:54,791 --> 00:22:57,125 No. I charge it to Howard's room. 638 00:22:57,126 --> 00:22:59,336 - You're kidding. - For the last three years. 639 00:22:59,337 --> 00:23:01,004 Does he know? 640 00:23:01,005 --> 00:23:03,173 Howard doesn't know anything but how to tune a piano. 641 00:23:03,174 --> 00:23:04,716 And by "tune a piano", you mean... ? 642 00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:06,593 He's the piano tuner. 643 00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:08,261 Oh. Okay. 644 00:23:08,262 --> 00:23:09,971 So literally tune... 645 00:23:09,972 --> 00:23:12,599 Sometimes words mean different things. I got it now. 646 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:17,813 - Oh. - Mmm. 647 00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:19,773 This is good. 648 00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:22,317 I'm so exhausted after these shows, 649 00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:24,194 sometimes I can't even dial room service. 650 00:23:24,195 --> 00:23:25,904 I know. 651 00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:28,532 At least behind a bandstand, I can take my shoes off. 652 00:23:28,533 --> 00:23:30,158 You can take your shoes off? 653 00:23:30,159 --> 00:23:31,827 I keep slippers back there. 654 00:23:31,828 --> 00:23:33,954 Fuzzy ones, rabbit ears. 655 00:23:33,955 --> 00:23:35,497 Lucky. 656 00:23:35,498 --> 00:23:37,582 15 years. 657 00:23:37,583 --> 00:23:40,043 - Cute kids. - Thanks. 658 00:23:40,044 --> 00:23:42,420 That one's gonna be a huge asshole. 659 00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:44,214 How can you tell? 660 00:23:44,215 --> 00:23:47,509 He's just like his dad... who was a huge asshole. 661 00:23:47,510 --> 00:23:49,719 Do you miss them? 662 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,347 I mean, I know you miss them, but... 663 00:23:52,348 --> 00:23:55,809 They're with my mother, who is the queen of apple strudel, 664 00:23:55,810 --> 00:23:57,686 so they have a pretty good life. 665 00:23:57,687 --> 00:23:59,938 I send home the money. 666 00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:02,357 Nancy's starting ballet next week, 667 00:24:02,358 --> 00:24:04,234 so I'll be supporting her forever. 668 00:24:05,695 --> 00:24:07,863 Yeah. I miss 'em. 669 00:24:07,864 --> 00:24:10,824 You ever feel guilty? 670 00:24:10,825 --> 00:24:13,034 My dad was a traveling salesman. 671 00:24:13,035 --> 00:24:15,120 Gone six days out of seven. 672 00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:17,914 Nobody thought twice about that. 673 00:24:17,915 --> 00:24:20,000 What about your kids? 674 00:24:20,001 --> 00:24:22,043 They live with their father while I'm gone. 675 00:24:22,044 --> 00:24:24,421 Really? He takes the kids? 676 00:24:24,422 --> 00:24:26,298 - Yup. - Shit. 677 00:24:26,299 --> 00:24:27,757 Is he single? 678 00:24:27,758 --> 00:24:29,509 I don't think so. 679 00:24:29,510 --> 00:24:31,303 So, you're divorced. 680 00:24:31,304 --> 00:24:33,346 Yes. 681 00:24:33,347 --> 00:24:35,098 Who you got your eye on? 682 00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:37,475 I don't have my eye on anyone. 683 00:24:37,476 --> 00:24:39,394 What are you saving it for? 684 00:24:39,395 --> 00:24:40,633 The Smithsonian. 685 00:24:40,634 --> 00:24:43,148 Gonna put it right next to "The Star-Spangled Banner". 686 00:24:43,149 --> 00:24:45,859 You've had sex since your husband, right? 687 00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:47,861 Well... yes. 688 00:24:47,862 --> 00:24:49,988 With my fianc�. 689 00:24:49,989 --> 00:24:52,657 Oh. Where is he? 690 00:24:52,658 --> 00:24:54,784 He's back home wondering what happened. 691 00:24:54,785 --> 00:24:56,244 What happened? 692 00:24:56,245 --> 00:25:00,207 Shy Baldwin asked me to go on tour. 693 00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:04,377 Okay, well, here's the skinny on one-night stands. 694 00:25:04,378 --> 00:25:07,172 If it's a guy in the band, keep it simple. 695 00:25:07,173 --> 00:25:08,840 No feelings. 696 00:25:08,841 --> 00:25:11,092 They can't think you're a girly girl. 697 00:25:11,093 --> 00:25:13,136 Go to their place, never yours. 698 00:25:13,137 --> 00:25:14,763 That way, you can leave. 699 00:25:14,764 --> 00:25:17,390 And if the place is a slum, don't screw him. 700 00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:20,101 If his room's dirty, imagine how clean the rest of him is. 701 00:25:20,102 --> 00:25:21,645 Ew. 702 00:25:21,646 --> 00:25:23,396 - You have a gun? - What? 703 00:25:23,397 --> 00:25:25,398 It's not necessary. 704 00:25:25,399 --> 00:25:27,234 Keys are a good weapon. 705 00:25:27,235 --> 00:25:29,778 High heels are great, and they never see it coming, 706 00:25:29,779 --> 00:25:32,948 and most hotels have an on-site shoe repair. 707 00:25:32,949 --> 00:25:36,034 Sometimes, if the guy seems really sketchy, 708 00:25:36,035 --> 00:25:37,911 but I just got to have some, 709 00:25:37,912 --> 00:25:40,706 I'll shove a matchbook cover in the door for an easier getaway. 710 00:25:42,416 --> 00:25:44,417 You look scared. 711 00:25:44,418 --> 00:25:46,127 Gee, why would that be? 712 00:25:46,128 --> 00:25:48,171 Sorry. 713 00:25:48,172 --> 00:25:50,548 I should've eased you into it. 714 00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:52,801 It's just... 715 00:25:52,802 --> 00:25:54,844 it gets lonely sometimes. 716 00:25:54,845 --> 00:25:57,597 A lot of people can't stick it out. 717 00:25:57,598 --> 00:25:59,599 They get worn down. 718 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,811 Tired of the travel, the food. 719 00:26:02,812 --> 00:26:06,314 Your clothes are never as clean as you want them to be. 720 00:26:06,315 --> 00:26:09,734 The pillows are either too hard or too soft. 721 00:26:09,735 --> 00:26:13,321 But on the other hand, 722 00:26:13,322 --> 00:26:15,448 you see the world. 723 00:26:15,449 --> 00:26:18,034 You answer to no one. 724 00:26:18,035 --> 00:26:21,913 The audiences, when they're great, 725 00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:24,165 are really great. 726 00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:26,543 And you're not having to go to your grave 727 00:26:26,544 --> 00:26:28,504 not having done anything interesting. 728 00:26:32,591 --> 00:26:34,802 I would get a gun, though. 729 00:27:00,161 --> 00:27:01,703 Where's Ethan? 730 00:27:01,704 --> 00:27:03,121 I thought he was playing 731 00:27:03,122 --> 00:27:04,873 with the little boy across the street. 732 00:27:04,874 --> 00:27:06,791 - Jimmy Junior? - I don't know. 733 00:27:06,792 --> 00:27:08,209 The little boy across the street. 734 00:27:08,210 --> 00:27:09,627 Petey Stritch? 735 00:27:09,628 --> 00:27:11,254 I don't know. 736 00:27:11,255 --> 00:27:14,049 Jacob Cohen? Patrick Matthews? Ollie Brice? 737 00:27:14,050 --> 00:27:16,677 How many little boys live across the street, Shirley? 738 00:27:29,398 --> 00:27:33,651 Ethan Maisel, where are you? 739 00:27:33,652 --> 00:27:35,779 Ethan! 740 00:27:35,780 --> 00:27:38,615 Ethan Shimon Maisel! 741 00:27:38,616 --> 00:27:40,658 It's Grandma! 742 00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:43,244 Grandma Shirley, not Grandma Rose. 743 00:27:43,245 --> 00:27:44,996 I'm making lunch! 744 00:27:44,997 --> 00:27:46,748 What would you like? 745 00:27:46,749 --> 00:27:49,667 I have chicken, I have peanut butter. 746 00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:52,670 I have peanut butter with jelly, I have soup. 747 00:27:52,671 --> 00:27:54,881 Chicken soup, tomato soup, 748 00:27:54,882 --> 00:27:58,176 vegetable soup, chicken vegetable soup! 749 00:27:58,177 --> 00:28:00,011 Hey lady, shut up! 750 00:28:00,012 --> 00:28:02,680 You shut up! I'm talking to my grandson. 751 00:28:02,681 --> 00:28:04,182 The whole neighborhood doesn't 752 00:28:04,183 --> 00:28:06,101 want to hear about your goddamn soup! 753 00:28:06,102 --> 00:28:07,602 Then don't listen! 754 00:28:07,603 --> 00:28:09,687 Ethan, I have potato leek, 755 00:28:09,688 --> 00:28:11,898 I have beef barley. 756 00:28:11,899 --> 00:28:13,817 Nobody cares! Shut up! 757 00:28:13,818 --> 00:28:15,693 - You shut up! - You shut up! 758 00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:17,195 Both of you shut up! 759 00:28:17,196 --> 00:28:19,030 - Shirley! - Oh, God. 760 00:28:19,031 --> 00:28:20,657 Rose, you scared me. 761 00:28:20,658 --> 00:28:23,363 What is the matter with you?! We have neighbors! 762 00:28:23,364 --> 00:28:25,139 And right now, they are all looking at you 763 00:28:25,140 --> 00:28:26,996 like you're insane, and therefore, they're looking at me 764 00:28:26,997 --> 00:28:30,250 like I'm insane because I live here with you in this house! 765 00:28:30,251 --> 00:28:32,312 We are the insane house on the street! 766 00:28:32,313 --> 00:28:34,049 The house that people talk about at barbecues, 767 00:28:34,050 --> 00:28:36,047 and tell their children to avoid at Halloween. 768 00:28:36,048 --> 00:28:39,008 We are the loud, uncouth, terrifying, 769 00:28:39,009 --> 00:28:41,177 disturbing house that ruins it for everyone! 770 00:28:41,178 --> 00:28:43,430 With the screaming and the yelling and the leaving for work 771 00:28:43,431 --> 00:28:45,223 at 5:00 in the morning, even on Saturday! 772 00:28:45,224 --> 00:28:46,975 And we're Jews! 773 00:28:46,976 --> 00:28:49,269 Abe and I came here normal people. 774 00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:52,647 Educated, cultivated people with pride and dignity! 775 00:28:52,648 --> 00:28:55,024 And now, I live in Queens, and I smell like onions 776 00:28:55,025 --> 00:28:56,443 - all the time. - Shut up! 777 00:28:56,444 --> 00:28:58,319 Oh, you shut up, putz! 778 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,622 Can't you recognize a complete psychotic break 779 00:29:00,623 --> 00:29:02,468 - when you see one?! - I'm calling the cops! 780 00:29:02,469 --> 00:29:03,950 Oh, go back inside! 781 00:29:03,951 --> 00:29:05,452 You want to see a show? 782 00:29:05,453 --> 00:29:07,412 Get in your car and drive to Manhattan. 783 00:29:07,413 --> 00:29:10,165 Why isn't there a movie theater in this godforsaken wasteland 784 00:29:10,166 --> 00:29:12,083 you people call a neighborhood? 785 00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:15,378 There's one on Metropolitan, asshole! 786 00:29:15,379 --> 00:29:17,255 You have got to get ahold of yourself. 787 00:29:17,256 --> 00:29:19,757 Me? Me?! 788 00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,926 If you don't mind my saying so, 789 00:29:21,927 --> 00:29:24,512 I think you're taking this relocation very badly. 790 00:29:24,513 --> 00:29:26,055 Maybe you should talk to someone. 791 00:29:26,056 --> 00:29:28,279 Now, normally, I don't believe in psychiatry, 792 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,597 but in your case, it might be a good idea, 793 00:29:30,598 --> 00:29:31,603 because you're nuts. 794 00:29:31,604 --> 00:29:33,062 Just don't talk about us. 795 00:29:33,063 --> 00:29:34,731 Freddy's gonna stay for lunch! 796 00:29:34,732 --> 00:29:36,149 Oh, what do you want? 797 00:29:36,150 --> 00:29:38,526 I got chicken, I've got peanut butter, 798 00:29:38,527 --> 00:29:41,404 I've got peanut butter and jelly, I've got soup. 799 00:29:41,405 --> 00:29:44,491 I've got chicken soup, tomato soup, 800 00:29:44,492 --> 00:29:46,242 vegetable soup... 801 00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:52,415 Miguel, is this funny? 802 00:29:52,416 --> 00:29:54,751 "This humidity in Florida is so unrelenting, 803 00:29:54,752 --> 00:29:56,920 even my mother thinks it should calm down". 804 00:29:56,921 --> 00:29:58,421 No. 805 00:29:58,422 --> 00:30:00,006 Really, take your time. 806 00:30:00,007 --> 00:30:01,799 One more. And one for yourself. 807 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,259 It'll seem funnier then. 808 00:30:03,260 --> 00:30:04,761 * In love... * 809 00:30:04,762 --> 00:30:06,179 - Good book? - Not yet. 810 00:30:06,180 --> 00:30:08,306 - Can I buy you a drink? - Got one coming. 811 00:30:08,307 --> 00:30:10,308 - Put it on my tab. - Oh, no thank you. 812 00:30:10,309 --> 00:30:11,768 Very sweet, but I'm working. 813 00:30:11,769 --> 00:30:13,520 Really? Working? 814 00:30:13,521 --> 00:30:16,231 Well, this hotel certainly draws a nicer class of working girls. 815 00:30:16,232 --> 00:30:19,150 Yeah, look, Mom, I'm not a hooker. 816 00:30:19,151 --> 00:30:21,945 I'm working on my act, and I can pay for my own drink. 817 00:30:21,946 --> 00:30:23,821 Okay. Modern woman. 818 00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:25,490 Maybe I should just keep you company 819 00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:27,825 so no other man makes the mistake I just did. 820 00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:30,537 I appreciate you wanting to be the savior of my reputation, 821 00:30:30,538 --> 00:30:33,081 but I'm busy writing dick jokes, so if you don't mind... 822 00:30:33,082 --> 00:30:35,500 Number three really paints a picture. 823 00:30:35,501 --> 00:30:37,252 What on earth are you doing here? 824 00:30:37,253 --> 00:30:39,671 - I am living here. - In Florida? 825 00:30:39,672 --> 00:30:42,257 At some point, every Jew must live in Florida. 826 00:30:42,258 --> 00:30:44,259 - It's in the Torah. - Wow. 827 00:30:44,260 --> 00:30:46,844 You know, it's weird, I never picture you living anywhere. 828 00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:48,263 You just exist. 829 00:30:48,264 --> 00:30:49,931 Well, sorry to disappoint you, 830 00:30:49,932 --> 00:30:52,350 but I do live places, and right now, it's here. 831 00:30:52,351 --> 00:30:55,353 I got a key, I get mail, I wear an apron. 832 00:30:55,354 --> 00:30:56,980 Must go good with that tie. 833 00:30:56,981 --> 00:30:58,523 I heard Shy was in town, 834 00:30:58,524 --> 00:31:00,942 so I thought I would stop by and say hello. 835 00:31:00,943 --> 00:31:02,944 Hello. 836 00:31:02,945 --> 00:31:04,404 Good-bye. 837 00:31:06,448 --> 00:31:08,616 You want to sit? 838 00:31:08,617 --> 00:31:10,618 3:00 in the afternoon... 839 00:31:10,619 --> 00:31:14,205 a pen, a notebook and a drink. 840 00:31:14,206 --> 00:31:16,291 All you need is a social disease, 841 00:31:16,292 --> 00:31:18,293 and you are officially a road comic. 842 00:31:18,294 --> 00:31:20,545 How long are you in town? 843 00:31:20,546 --> 00:31:22,380 - Two frizz-filled weeks. - Good. 844 00:31:22,381 --> 00:31:24,632 I am heading out of town for a couple of days 845 00:31:24,633 --> 00:31:26,009 - to make some money. - Oh. 846 00:31:26,010 --> 00:31:27,802 Apparently, "alimony" means "money". 847 00:31:27,803 --> 00:31:29,554 I did not know that. 848 00:31:29,555 --> 00:31:32,098 When I get back, we should grab a drink. 849 00:31:32,099 --> 00:31:33,766 I would love that. 850 00:31:33,767 --> 00:31:36,269 I will give you a ring. 851 00:31:36,270 --> 00:31:38,396 I was serious about number three. 852 00:31:38,397 --> 00:31:40,398 The comparison to William Frawley 853 00:31:40,399 --> 00:31:42,317 is particularly inspired. 854 00:31:42,318 --> 00:31:45,570 * Would be a crime... * 855 00:31:45,571 --> 00:31:47,238 Hmm. 856 00:31:47,239 --> 00:31:49,450 * 'Cause nice... * 857 00:31:51,243 --> 00:31:53,953 * The man I used to be * 858 00:31:53,954 --> 00:31:56,581 * A happy man was he * 859 00:31:56,582 --> 00:32:00,627 * And aimless as a leaf in a gale * 860 00:32:00,628 --> 00:32:03,075 * You can never find * 861 00:32:03,076 --> 00:32:04,126 Get in. 862 00:32:04,127 --> 00:32:06,215 - * The man you used to be * - Rose? 863 00:32:06,216 --> 00:32:08,343 Get in the cab, Abe, right now. 864 00:32:08,344 --> 00:32:10,053 But where are we going? 865 00:32:10,054 --> 00:32:12,138 It's dinner time. I'm hungry. 866 00:32:12,139 --> 00:32:13,931 - She's made stuffed cabbage. - Move over. 867 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:22,148 * You can never find * 868 00:32:22,149 --> 00:32:27,279 * The man you used to be. * 869 00:33:31,051 --> 00:33:32,885 Mama? Papa? 870 00:33:32,886 --> 00:33:35,304 Oh, thank God this is the right hotel. 871 00:33:35,305 --> 00:33:37,306 I know you told us, but I wasn't sure, 872 00:33:37,307 --> 00:33:38,766 and your father wasn't listening. 873 00:33:38,767 --> 00:33:40,017 What are you doing here? 874 00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:42,186 Well, I hate Moishe and Shirley. 875 00:33:42,187 --> 00:33:44,564 Yes. But did something specific happen? 876 00:33:44,565 --> 00:33:46,399 Shirley was screaming in the street, 877 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:48,192 and then I started screaming in the street, 878 00:33:48,193 --> 00:33:50,820 - and I called a man a putz. - I wasn't there for that part. 879 00:33:50,821 --> 00:33:52,947 I was on the subway, because they won't let me 880 00:33:52,948 --> 00:33:55,616 - have my friends over. - She made Zelda take off her uniform. 881 00:33:55,617 --> 00:33:59,012 And she is using stuffed cabbage in a very punitive manner. 882 00:33:59,013 --> 00:34:01,164 So, the next thing I know, I threw some things in a suitcase, 883 00:34:01,165 --> 00:34:03,040 I grabbed your father, we got in the cab. 884 00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:04,667 Took the cab to the train station. 885 00:34:04,668 --> 00:34:06,294 - Got on the train. - Headed west. 886 00:34:06,295 --> 00:34:08,745 We hit Dayton and thought, "Cows?" 887 00:34:08,746 --> 00:34:10,170 - So we headed south. - And thought of you. 888 00:34:10,171 --> 00:34:11,722 - So we headed east. - Then south again. 889 00:34:11,723 --> 00:34:13,050 And here we are. I'm sorry, we should've called. 890 00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:14,427 We just didn't want to stop moving. 891 00:34:14,428 --> 00:34:16,596 In case they were coming after us. 892 00:34:16,597 --> 00:34:18,452 Well, I think it's great. 893 00:34:18,453 --> 00:34:19,703 You can stay here. 894 00:34:19,704 --> 00:34:21,179 We'll have a mini family vacation, 895 00:34:21,180 --> 00:34:22,935 and you can finally see my show. 896 00:34:22,936 --> 00:34:25,188 - Oh... - It's comedy or cabbage. 897 00:34:25,189 --> 00:34:27,273 Rose. 898 00:34:27,274 --> 00:34:28,441 Okay. 899 00:34:28,442 --> 00:34:29,942 Well, you'd better be funny. 900 00:34:29,943 --> 00:34:31,277 There you go! 901 00:34:31,278 --> 00:34:33,571 Okay. Tonight you'll stay in my room. 902 00:34:33,572 --> 00:34:35,410 You relax, shower, order room service, 903 00:34:35,411 --> 00:34:36,894 and then tomorrow you'll come to my show, 904 00:34:36,895 --> 00:34:39,410 and then I'll introduce you to Shy Baldwin. 905 00:34:39,411 --> 00:34:41,120 Take my key. 906 00:34:41,121 --> 00:34:43,381 - Wait, where will you sleep? - Oh, don't worry about me. 907 00:34:43,382 --> 00:34:44,665 I'll bunk with one of the girls from the band. 908 00:34:44,666 --> 00:34:48,085 Now, anything you need, get it and sign it to the room, and... 909 00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:50,671 What smells like onions? 910 00:34:50,672 --> 00:34:52,006 All right, we're off. 911 00:34:52,007 --> 00:34:53,508 Abe, get the bags. 912 00:34:53,509 --> 00:34:54,967 Thank you for the room. 913 00:34:54,968 --> 00:34:56,970 Can't wait to see your show. 914 00:34:58,722 --> 00:35:00,598 Shit. 915 00:35:00,599 --> 00:35:02,683 I know I've talked a lot 916 00:35:02,684 --> 00:35:04,185 about my parents tonight, 917 00:35:04,186 --> 00:35:06,103 but that's just because they are here. 918 00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:07,814 In Florida. 919 00:35:07,815 --> 00:35:09,774 Can you feel it? 920 00:35:09,775 --> 00:35:11,692 They're coming to my show tomorrow, so I need 921 00:35:11,693 --> 00:35:13,653 to get all this out of my system tonight. 922 00:35:13,654 --> 00:35:16,614 Tonight I can talk about sex and men 923 00:35:16,615 --> 00:35:19,325 and sex with men and sexy men 924 00:35:19,326 --> 00:35:21,369 and sex with sexy men, 925 00:35:21,370 --> 00:35:23,780 but tomorrow, that's all off limits, 926 00:35:23,781 --> 00:35:25,621 because my parents don't know I'm not a virgin. 927 00:35:27,084 --> 00:35:29,460 You'd think my two kids might have been a tip-off. 928 00:35:29,461 --> 00:35:32,588 I'm amazed the "those are my cobbler's apprentices" story 929 00:35:32,589 --> 00:35:35,132 has held up for so long. 930 00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:37,426 Maybe my parents think that when I got divorced, 931 00:35:37,427 --> 00:35:39,512 it made me a virgin all over again. 932 00:35:39,513 --> 00:35:40,930 Like, the judge says: 933 00:35:40,931 --> 00:35:42,723 "I grant your divorce 934 00:35:42,724 --> 00:35:44,267 and restore everything up your skirt 935 00:35:44,268 --> 00:35:46,686 to its original condition". 936 00:35:46,687 --> 00:35:48,729 And then bangs his little gavel. 937 00:35:48,730 --> 00:35:52,066 But my parents are people who do not like change. 938 00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:54,443 When my husband left me, my father said, 939 00:35:54,444 --> 00:35:56,028 "Go get him back". 940 00:35:56,029 --> 00:35:58,489 Like I'd accidentally left the barn door open 941 00:35:58,490 --> 00:36:00,992 and Bessie the cow had wandered off. 942 00:36:00,993 --> 00:36:03,244 And when I didn't go get him back as instructed, 943 00:36:03,245 --> 00:36:05,288 my father was furious. 944 00:36:05,289 --> 00:36:06,789 My mother still hasn't heard he's gone, 945 00:36:06,790 --> 00:36:08,499 so she hasn't reacted yet. 946 00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:11,627 I mean, she's been told. She just hasn't heard it. 947 00:36:11,628 --> 00:36:14,422 And now they're here, 948 00:36:14,423 --> 00:36:17,135 in Florida, to watch their divorced daughter 949 00:36:17,136 --> 00:36:18,843 stand on stage and tell jokes. 950 00:36:18,844 --> 00:36:20,303 About them. 951 00:36:20,304 --> 00:36:22,513 Because they know that will kill them, 952 00:36:22,514 --> 00:36:24,473 and I'll feel bad forever, 953 00:36:24,474 --> 00:36:27,226 and then finally they will have won. 954 00:36:28,687 --> 00:36:31,355 I'm Mrs. Maisel. You've been a great audience, 955 00:36:31,356 --> 00:36:33,274 and to thank you for listening, 956 00:36:33,275 --> 00:36:36,319 I give you the one, the only... 957 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,446 Shy Baldwin. 958 00:36:49,041 --> 00:36:52,251 * What a day this has been * 959 00:36:52,252 --> 00:36:54,962 * What a rare mood I'm in * 960 00:36:54,963 --> 00:36:56,255 * Why, it's * 961 00:36:56,256 --> 00:36:58,424 * Almost like being * 962 00:36:58,425 --> 00:36:59,800 * In love * 963 00:37:01,178 --> 00:37:04,180 * There's a smile on my face * 964 00:37:04,181 --> 00:37:05,932 * For the whole * 965 00:37:05,933 --> 00:37:07,558 * Human race * 966 00:37:07,559 --> 00:37:08,684 * Why, it's * 967 00:37:08,685 --> 00:37:10,394 * Almost like being * 968 00:37:10,395 --> 00:37:11,854 * In love * 969 00:37:11,855 --> 00:37:13,814 * Being in love * 970 00:37:13,815 --> 00:37:16,567 * All the music of life * 971 00:37:16,568 --> 00:37:19,779 * Seems to be * 972 00:37:19,780 --> 00:37:21,280 * Like a bell * 973 00:37:21,281 --> 00:37:23,157 * That is ringing * 974 00:37:23,158 --> 00:37:25,576 * For me * 975 00:37:25,577 --> 00:37:27,453 * And from the way * 976 00:37:27,454 --> 00:37:28,996 * That I feel * 977 00:37:28,997 --> 00:37:30,456 * When that bell * 978 00:37:30,457 --> 00:37:32,124 * Starts to peal * 979 00:37:32,125 --> 00:37:33,751 * I would swear * 980 00:37:33,752 --> 00:37:35,419 * I was falling * 981 00:37:35,420 --> 00:37:36,879 * I could swear * 982 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:38,297 * I was falling * 983 00:37:38,298 --> 00:37:41,676 * It's almost like being * 984 00:37:41,677 --> 00:37:44,513 * In love * 985 00:38:00,195 --> 00:38:03,197 * Almost like being * 986 00:38:03,198 --> 00:38:05,866 * In love * 987 00:38:05,867 --> 00:38:08,995 * All the music of life * 988 00:38:08,996 --> 00:38:12,039 * Seems to be * 989 00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:13,666 * Like a bell * 990 00:38:13,667 --> 00:38:15,584 * That is ringing * 991 00:38:15,585 --> 00:38:17,878 * For me * 992 00:38:17,879 --> 00:38:19,755 * And from the way * 993 00:38:19,756 --> 00:38:21,465 - * Ah, ah... * - * That I feel * 994 00:38:21,466 --> 00:38:22,758 * When that bell * 995 00:38:22,759 --> 00:38:24,552 * Starts to peal * 996 00:38:24,553 --> 00:38:27,388 * I would swear I was... * 997 00:38:27,389 --> 00:38:30,016 I thought you were gonna call when you got back. 998 00:38:30,017 --> 00:38:31,642 I opted for a sneak attack. 999 00:38:31,643 --> 00:38:33,477 There's a lot of that going around. 1000 00:38:33,478 --> 00:38:35,521 Gin martini, up, with olives. 1001 00:38:35,522 --> 00:38:37,106 You should have seen my set. 1002 00:38:37,107 --> 00:38:38,441 I saw your set. 1003 00:38:38,442 --> 00:38:40,276 You did? How was I? 1004 00:38:40,277 --> 00:38:41,694 Wow. Just like that? 1005 00:38:41,695 --> 00:38:43,529 I usually start with some small talk. 1006 00:38:43,530 --> 00:38:45,787 How have you been? Who's got gout? 1007 00:38:45,788 --> 00:38:47,199 Nope. Life's short. Talk about me. 1008 00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,827 - Excuse me, Mr. Bruce? - Uh, Mr. Bruce is my mother. 1009 00:38:49,828 --> 00:38:51,829 - Lenny. Please. - Could I get... ? 1010 00:38:53,123 --> 00:38:54,665 You want hers? 1011 00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:56,417 That's okay. 1012 00:38:56,418 --> 00:38:57,418 That's showbiz. 1013 00:38:57,419 --> 00:38:59,003 Thanks. 1014 00:38:59,004 --> 00:39:01,547 I am very famous and important. 1015 00:39:01,548 --> 00:39:03,090 Yes. We were talking about me, remember? 1016 00:39:03,091 --> 00:39:05,342 I do. Uh, what are you doing tonight? 1017 00:39:05,343 --> 00:39:06,761 Listening to you critique my act. 1018 00:39:06,762 --> 00:39:08,345 I have a proposition for you. 1019 00:39:08,346 --> 00:39:09,972 I have a work thing I have to do, 1020 00:39:09,973 --> 00:39:12,683 but I was thinking, tag along, you might find it interesting. 1021 00:39:12,684 --> 00:39:14,101 Could I work it into my act? 1022 00:39:14,102 --> 00:39:15,603 The one you liked? Or didn't like? 1023 00:39:15,604 --> 00:39:17,271 Afterward, I'll buy you dinner. 1024 00:39:17,272 --> 00:39:19,398 - Deal? - Deal. 1025 00:39:19,399 --> 00:39:21,650 - You ready to go? - I have to change. Ten minutes. 1026 00:39:21,651 --> 00:39:23,652 And then you'll tell me what you thought about my act. 1027 00:39:23,653 --> 00:39:25,654 Depends on how good the outfit is. 1028 00:39:38,335 --> 00:39:39,960 Oh, how fabulous. 1029 00:39:39,961 --> 00:39:41,629 Cameras in your living room. 1030 00:39:41,630 --> 00:39:42,838 Mr. Bruce. 1031 00:39:42,839 --> 00:39:44,715 Oh, no. Mr. Bruce is his mother. 1032 00:39:44,716 --> 00:39:46,511 Very good. Yes, hello there. 1033 00:39:46,512 --> 00:39:47,995 Lenny Bruce reporting for duty. 1034 00:39:47,996 --> 00:39:49,261 - You're late. - Well, I'm here. 1035 00:39:49,262 --> 00:39:51,555 That's early for me. Uh, this is Midge Maisel. 1036 00:39:51,556 --> 00:39:54,266 - She's going to watch. Yes? - Of course. Uh, follow me. 1037 00:39:54,267 --> 00:39:55,684 One hour, then I'll feed you. 1038 00:39:55,685 --> 00:39:57,186 I'm starting my stopwatch. 1039 00:39:57,187 --> 00:39:59,021 Brian, please get Miss Maisel situated. 1040 00:39:59,022 --> 00:40:01,579 - I'm actually Mrs. Maisel. - Oh. You're married. 1041 00:40:01,580 --> 00:40:02,983 No. Well... yes. 1042 00:40:02,984 --> 00:40:04,110 I'm getting divorced. 1043 00:40:04,111 --> 00:40:05,694 Again. From the same man. 1044 00:40:05,695 --> 00:40:07,404 But Mrs. Maisel's also my stage name, so I'll... 1045 00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:09,636 - Sit here. - Okay. I'll finish the story later. 1046 00:40:09,637 --> 00:40:11,579 You were clearly on the edge of your seat. 1047 00:40:11,580 --> 00:40:13,744 He'll do the intros, throw it to Jem, then you're next. 1048 00:40:13,745 --> 00:40:15,746 You sit here. We'll get you a drink. 1049 00:40:15,747 --> 00:40:18,999 Later on you'll be joined by Bella Abzug and Zsa Zsa Gabor. 1050 00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:21,585 That can't end badly at all. 1051 00:40:21,586 --> 00:40:23,004 Uh, thank you. 1052 00:40:27,843 --> 00:40:29,427 You'll spoil your dinner. 1053 00:40:31,879 --> 00:40:33,737 Places, everyone. Places. 1054 00:40:33,738 --> 00:40:35,284 That's places, everyone. 1055 00:40:35,285 --> 00:40:37,059 Ladies, on either side of Mr. Bruce. 1056 00:40:37,060 --> 00:40:39,271 We go live in 20 seconds. 1057 00:40:45,152 --> 00:40:47,653 Five, four, 1058 00:40:47,654 --> 00:40:49,656 three, two... 1059 00:41:25,066 --> 00:41:26,734 Hello there. 1060 00:41:26,735 --> 00:41:29,695 Welcome to Miami's hippest party, Miami After Dark. 1061 00:41:29,696 --> 00:41:31,447 A gathering of the best, the brightest, 1062 00:41:31,448 --> 00:41:33,490 the coolest cats and kittens in town. 1063 00:41:33,491 --> 00:41:35,368 Grab a drink. 1064 00:41:38,872 --> 00:41:40,915 - Jem. - Hello, Brye. 1065 00:41:40,916 --> 00:41:42,291 Good turnout. 1066 00:41:42,292 --> 00:41:44,043 This is Jem Moreland. 1067 00:41:44,044 --> 00:41:46,587 He's composed some of the most beloved songs of all time. 1068 00:41:46,588 --> 00:41:49,131 How old were you when you wrote your first hit, Jem? 1069 00:41:49,132 --> 00:41:50,966 - 18, Brye. - 18. Boy, oh, boy. 1070 00:41:50,967 --> 00:41:52,676 What was I doing at 18? 1071 00:41:52,677 --> 00:41:54,970 All the things I wished I was doing at 18. 1072 00:41:54,971 --> 00:41:57,806 I wasn't, and that's why I wrote my first hit. 1073 00:41:57,807 --> 00:42:00,184 - Well, ladies like a success. - And a love song. 1074 00:42:00,185 --> 00:42:02,519 Speaking of which, you have a new one coming out soon. 1075 00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:06,190 I do. It was just recorded by Mr. Frank Sinatra. 1076 00:42:06,191 --> 00:42:10,277 And, uh, it goes a little something... like this. 1077 00:42:10,278 --> 00:42:11,403 Three, four. 1078 00:42:15,158 --> 00:42:17,284 * Who knew one kiss * 1079 00:42:17,285 --> 00:42:19,161 * Could kick like this * 1080 00:42:19,162 --> 00:42:21,121 * As smooth as a whiskey * 1081 00:42:21,122 --> 00:42:22,790 * And served up neat * 1082 00:42:22,791 --> 00:42:25,417 * That kiss was fine * 1083 00:42:25,418 --> 00:42:27,127 * But make mine * 1084 00:42:27,128 --> 00:42:28,880 * A double * 1085 00:42:30,674 --> 00:42:32,591 * One taste of that * 1086 00:42:32,592 --> 00:42:34,927 * And you've knocked me flat * 1087 00:42:34,928 --> 00:42:36,845 * Just like a Manhattan * 1088 00:42:36,846 --> 00:42:39,181 * But twice as sweet * 1089 00:42:39,182 --> 00:42:41,642 Marge, I'll get back to you in a minute. 1090 00:42:41,643 --> 00:42:43,519 * Make mine a double... * 1091 00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:45,020 Marjorie Merriweather Post. 1092 00:42:45,021 --> 00:42:46,230 You should see her house. 1093 00:42:46,231 --> 00:42:48,649 Mar-a-Lago is as elegant as she is. 1094 00:42:50,777 --> 00:42:52,736 Hello, girls. Having fun? 1095 00:42:52,737 --> 00:42:55,072 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1096 00:42:55,073 --> 00:42:56,324 Okay. 1097 00:42:59,369 --> 00:43:01,578 You all know notorious comedian Lenny Bruce. 1098 00:43:01,579 --> 00:43:03,580 - You enjoying the party? - Not bad. 1099 00:43:03,581 --> 00:43:06,375 Uh, well, Zsa Zsa just won 20 bucks off me. 1100 00:43:06,376 --> 00:43:08,877 She plays a mean game of truth or dare. 1101 00:43:08,878 --> 00:43:12,256 A-And a very adult version of hide-and-seek. 1102 00:43:12,257 --> 00:43:15,009 If I ever need to get drugs to Mexico, I know who to call. 1103 00:43:15,010 --> 00:43:17,011 - I wonder if I can get a drink. - Well, I'd give you mine, 1104 00:43:17,012 --> 00:43:18,220 but Zsa Zsa drank it. 1105 00:43:18,221 --> 00:43:19,888 Like a really sexy camel. 1106 00:43:19,889 --> 00:43:21,307 Careful, Lenny. 1107 00:43:21,308 --> 00:43:23,935 - Or I'll marry you. - Ho-ho. 1108 00:43:24,853 --> 00:43:26,687 Oh, great. Thank you. 1109 00:43:28,648 --> 00:43:30,274 I think she likes you. 1110 00:43:30,275 --> 00:43:32,818 She's just never seen a circumcised schmeckle before. 1111 00:43:32,819 --> 00:43:34,820 Uh, but actually, 1112 00:43:34,821 --> 00:43:37,531 Brye, I'm here with someone special tonight. 1113 00:43:37,532 --> 00:43:39,241 Someone I love dearly, 1114 00:43:39,242 --> 00:43:41,368 almost as much as I love myself. 1115 00:43:41,369 --> 00:43:43,454 Uh... uh, sweetheart? 1116 00:43:43,455 --> 00:43:44,705 Where are... 1117 00:43:44,706 --> 00:43:46,790 Ah, there you are. 1118 00:43:46,791 --> 00:43:49,376 Lenny... Looks like we have a wandering Mr. Bruce. 1119 00:43:49,377 --> 00:43:50,794 What are you doing? 1120 00:43:50,795 --> 00:43:53,005 Well, it's time everybody knows, don't you think? 1121 00:43:53,006 --> 00:43:55,049 Uh, I need to powder things. 1122 00:43:55,050 --> 00:43:56,884 - What is on your hands? - Frosting. 1123 00:43:56,885 --> 00:43:58,969 - Other hand. Other hand. - Oh, he's back. 1124 00:43:58,970 --> 00:44:00,304 Well, who have we here? 1125 00:44:00,305 --> 00:44:04,120 Brye, I'd like you to meet my wife... or possibly my sister. 1126 00:44:04,121 --> 00:44:05,976 What are you, my wife or my sister? 1127 00:44:05,977 --> 00:44:07,770 Depends on what state we're in. 1128 00:44:07,771 --> 00:44:09,188 Let's go wife. What the hell? 1129 00:44:09,189 --> 00:44:10,773 Well, it's nice to meet you, whoever you are. 1130 00:44:10,774 --> 00:44:12,173 It's nice to meet you, too. 1131 00:44:12,174 --> 00:44:14,485 She's a very big fan. She called in sick 1132 00:44:14,486 --> 00:44:16,904 - to work tonight just to be here. - Oh? What do you do? 1133 00:44:16,905 --> 00:44:19,073 - I'm a Mountie. - Yes, she's very good with horses. 1134 00:44:19,074 --> 00:44:20,866 - And moose. - And squirrel. 1135 00:44:20,867 --> 00:44:23,369 A female Mountie? I didn't know there were female Mounties. 1136 00:44:23,370 --> 00:44:24,912 Are you kidding? Have you seen the hats? 1137 00:44:24,913 --> 00:44:26,914 There's only female Mounties. 1138 00:44:26,915 --> 00:44:29,666 So, how long have you two been married and/or related? 1139 00:44:29,667 --> 00:44:31,335 Oh, it's been six... 1140 00:44:31,336 --> 00:44:33,587 Uh, seven. You forgot our time at sea. 1141 00:44:33,588 --> 00:44:36,173 Yes, lost at sea. I almost killed you and ate you. 1142 00:44:36,174 --> 00:44:37,841 But then we remembered fish. 1143 00:44:37,842 --> 00:44:39,551 - Seven fun-filled years. - Weeks. 1144 00:44:39,552 --> 00:44:42,012 We got to rehearse this next time. 1145 00:44:42,013 --> 00:44:43,680 Well, you make a very handsome couple. 1146 00:44:43,681 --> 00:44:45,224 Oh, well, we get our looks from our mother. 1147 00:44:45,225 --> 00:44:46,850 Ooh! They just put out some new onion dip, 1148 00:44:46,851 --> 00:44:49,728 and I heard Betty Bacall is a notorious double-dipper. 1149 00:44:49,729 --> 00:44:50,938 I've got to go. 1150 00:44:50,939 --> 00:44:52,398 Well, it was nice to meet you... 1151 00:44:52,399 --> 00:44:53,816 - Rhoda. - Scheherazade. 1152 00:44:53,817 --> 00:44:56,860 Scheherazade Rhoda Maisel. 1153 00:44:56,861 --> 00:44:59,864 Quite a culturally confusing mouthful. 1154 00:45:01,574 --> 00:45:03,826 Great girl. 1155 00:45:03,827 --> 00:45:07,579 Well, you should see her rob a liquor store. 1156 00:45:07,580 --> 00:45:09,039 Hey, that's Tennessee Williams. 1157 00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:11,250 - Tennessee! - Screw you, Bruce. 1158 00:45:11,251 --> 00:45:13,293 Tenn, my God, what's with the hostility? 1159 00:45:13,294 --> 00:45:15,337 You know very well, you son of a bitch. 1160 00:45:15,338 --> 00:45:17,506 Hey, what happened to the Southern gentlemen bit? 1161 00:45:17,507 --> 00:45:19,091 I'm not talking to you. 1162 00:45:19,092 --> 00:45:21,468 - Why? What did I do? - You're a prick. 1163 00:45:21,469 --> 00:45:22,553 Now, watch it, boys. 1164 00:45:22,554 --> 00:45:23,679 - We're live here. - Shh. 1165 00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:25,681 Did I tease you? Did I call you names? 1166 00:45:25,682 --> 00:45:27,850 Did I get drunk and say The Rose Tattoo 1167 00:45:27,851 --> 00:45:30,269 was a piece of overwrought, substandard melodrama? 1168 00:45:30,270 --> 00:45:32,062 - What? - I said I was drunk. 1169 00:45:32,063 --> 00:45:34,106 I should come over there and just kill you. 1170 00:45:34,107 --> 00:45:36,525 - Tenn, I'm sorry, please. - You're not. 1171 00:45:36,526 --> 00:45:39,361 You're an ugly, lowlife, mean-spirited bastard. 1172 00:45:39,362 --> 00:45:41,029 Always with the poetry. 1173 00:45:41,030 --> 00:45:42,948 You hate me 'cause I'm Southern. 1174 00:45:42,949 --> 00:45:44,825 Well, it's not my favorite thing about you. 1175 00:45:44,826 --> 00:45:47,786 - Go away! - I don't believe this. 1176 00:45:47,787 --> 00:45:49,872 This is nuts. I'm having a fight 1177 00:45:49,873 --> 00:45:52,291 with Tennessee Williams on the television. 1178 00:45:52,292 --> 00:45:54,251 Brye, this is a great show. 1179 00:45:54,252 --> 00:45:56,670 Sure as hell is! 1180 00:48:01,796 --> 00:48:03,589 You're staring. 1181 00:48:03,590 --> 00:48:05,173 Am I? 1182 00:48:05,174 --> 00:48:07,426 Do I have a hair out of place? 1183 00:48:07,427 --> 00:48:10,013 I didn't know how to tell you. 1184 00:48:15,226 --> 00:48:17,144 What do you think? 1185 00:48:17,145 --> 00:48:21,399 I just wish it had a little more atmosphere. 1186 00:48:24,402 --> 00:48:27,404 You're still staring. 1187 00:48:27,405 --> 00:48:29,365 So are you. 1188 00:48:33,369 --> 00:48:35,371 Come on. 1189 00:48:36,706 --> 00:48:38,707 We're gonna dance. 1190 00:48:38,708 --> 00:48:40,834 You dance? 1191 00:48:40,835 --> 00:48:43,420 Well, we're certainly gonna find out. 1192 00:49:18,456 --> 00:49:23,335 * There were bells on the hill * 1193 00:49:23,336 --> 00:49:28,215 * But I never heard them ringing * 1194 00:49:28,216 --> 00:49:32,511 * No, I never heard them at all * 1195 00:49:32,512 --> 00:49:37,432 * Till there was you * 1196 00:49:37,433 --> 00:49:42,396 * There were birds in the sky... * 1197 00:49:42,397 --> 00:49:45,941 What's the matter? I'm not that bad. 1198 00:49:45,942 --> 00:49:48,985 I just can't think of anything funny to say. 1199 00:49:48,986 --> 00:49:51,321 Yeah. 1200 00:49:51,322 --> 00:49:52,948 Me, either. 1201 00:49:52,949 --> 00:49:55,242 * Till there was you... * 1202 00:49:55,243 --> 00:49:56,827 It's kind of nice, isn't it? 1203 00:49:56,828 --> 00:50:00,414 * And there was music * 1204 00:50:00,415 --> 00:50:04,668 * And there were wonderful roses * 1205 00:50:04,669 --> 00:50:07,671 * They tell me * 1206 00:50:07,672 --> 00:50:12,008 * In sweet, fragrant meadows * 1207 00:50:12,009 --> 00:50:16,471 * Of dawn and dew * 1208 00:50:16,472 --> 00:50:21,184 * There was love all around * 1209 00:50:21,185 --> 00:50:24,312 * But I never heard * 1210 00:50:24,313 --> 00:50:26,106 * It singing * 1211 00:50:26,107 --> 00:50:29,943 * No, I never heard it at all... * 1212 00:50:29,944 --> 00:50:31,945 I really thought if we stayed long enough, 1213 00:50:31,946 --> 00:50:33,196 there'd be a human sacrifice. 1214 00:50:33,197 --> 00:50:34,823 Oh, no, that's on Wednesdays. 1215 00:50:34,824 --> 00:50:36,366 Well, we'll just have to go back. 1216 00:50:36,367 --> 00:50:38,369 Anytime you like. 1217 00:50:40,747 --> 00:50:42,247 I had a good time. 1218 00:50:42,248 --> 00:50:44,666 That was the intent. 1219 00:50:44,667 --> 00:50:46,918 Here. Last puff. 1220 00:50:46,919 --> 00:50:50,005 Such a gentleman. 1221 00:50:50,006 --> 00:50:52,007 Is this your apartment building? 1222 00:50:52,008 --> 00:50:54,801 Uh, no, this is my hotel. 1223 00:50:54,802 --> 00:50:56,928 I thought you said you lived here now. 1224 00:50:56,929 --> 00:50:58,054 I do. 1225 00:50:58,055 --> 00:51:00,474 - In a hotel? - Yes. 1226 00:51:00,475 --> 00:51:02,058 You're living in a hotel? 1227 00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:03,268 Who are you, Willy Loman? 1228 00:51:03,269 --> 00:51:05,562 Hey, this is a very nice hotel. 1229 00:51:05,563 --> 00:51:08,190 I've got a pool. They bring me towels. 1230 00:51:08,191 --> 00:51:10,442 The little soaps are adorable. 1231 00:51:10,443 --> 00:51:12,110 But it's not permanent. 1232 00:51:12,111 --> 00:51:13,653 I didn't say permanent. 1233 00:51:13,654 --> 00:51:15,238 I said I got mail. 1234 00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:17,449 I just assumed when you said you lived in Florida 1235 00:51:17,450 --> 00:51:19,117 that you meant you had an apartment. 1236 00:51:19,118 --> 00:51:20,535 Does it matter? 1237 00:51:20,536 --> 00:51:23,163 No. No, it doesn't. 1238 00:51:23,164 --> 00:51:25,540 You like a man who has a lease. 1239 00:51:25,541 --> 00:51:27,334 Depends on the man. 1240 00:51:27,335 --> 00:51:28,752 Depends on the lease. 1241 00:51:28,753 --> 00:51:30,462 I'm paid up through Friday. 1242 00:51:32,799 --> 00:51:35,091 Oh, it's nice being on the water. 1243 00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:37,427 Where are you living, by the way? 1244 00:51:37,428 --> 00:51:40,931 I'm not actually living anywhere. 1245 00:51:40,932 --> 00:51:44,351 Well, I'm on tour now, so I live wherever the tour is, 1246 00:51:44,352 --> 00:51:46,812 and when I get back, I'll have to find a place. 1247 00:51:46,813 --> 00:51:48,396 I suppose I can stay at my in-laws'. 1248 00:51:48,397 --> 00:51:50,273 Well, ex-in-laws'. 1249 00:51:50,274 --> 00:51:52,442 My parents are there now. Well, no. 1250 00:51:52,443 --> 00:51:54,277 They're actually here now since they can't stand them, 1251 00:51:54,278 --> 00:51:57,072 so I probably can't live there, either. 1252 00:51:57,073 --> 00:52:00,243 A hotel's looking pretty good to you right now, isn't it? 1253 00:52:01,953 --> 00:52:03,954 All right, this is me. 1254 00:52:03,955 --> 00:52:06,665 Nice, shiny number three. 1255 00:52:06,666 --> 00:52:09,709 Yes. Uh, it was actually 13, 1256 00:52:09,710 --> 00:52:11,211 but the one fell off. 1257 00:52:11,212 --> 00:52:12,629 If you lived in an apartment, 1258 00:52:12,630 --> 00:52:14,130 you could call the super about that. 1259 00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:15,966 And what would he do? 1260 00:52:15,967 --> 00:52:17,467 Nothing. 1261 00:52:17,468 --> 00:52:19,887 But you'd have somebody to call. 1262 00:52:23,808 --> 00:52:26,394 - Key. - Ah. 1263 00:52:31,691 --> 00:52:34,693 - And it works. - Yes. 1264 00:52:34,694 --> 00:52:38,030 The evening is going swimmingly so far. 1265 00:52:46,038 --> 00:52:48,040 So, what did you think of my act? 1266 00:52:49,625 --> 00:52:52,044 I thought it was sensational. 1267 00:52:53,212 --> 00:52:55,214 Thank you. 1268 00:53:03,598 --> 00:53:06,600 I'm gonna get a cab. 1269 00:53:06,601 --> 00:53:09,437 - I can get you one. - I'm okay. 1270 00:53:15,484 --> 00:53:17,486 Catch. 1271 00:53:22,491 --> 00:53:24,243 Hey. 1272 00:53:29,248 --> 00:53:31,875 Maybe someday. 1273 00:53:31,876 --> 00:53:33,878 Before I'm dead. 1274 00:53:35,630 --> 00:53:37,632 It's a date. 90567

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