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1x13 'And the award goes to..."
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Transcript by Gabarra
www.vo.tusseries.com
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Synchcro by Aimee
www.vo.tusseries.com
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There's a saying
we have in the kitchen:
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a sloppy station
equals a sloppy mind.
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Because let's face it. Great food
does not happen by accident.
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Problem with the veal there, Jim?
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What? No, no.
- See this?
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00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:43,600
Your station's a mess 'cause
your head's a mess. Work clean.
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00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,500
You can't blame him
for being a little distracted.
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Hey, Jim. Focus.
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This will end in murder.
- I know.
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It's gonna be great.
- You can't do it like that.
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What?
- You have to put it... What, what, what?
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Come...
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You don't touch that!
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Listen. I have really great news.
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But in keeping with the whole
"we're both the boss" thing
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we should tell the crew together.
- Fine.
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We're finalists for the Epicure Awards!
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So I can't have any joy?
- No, not really.
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What... what's an Epicure Awards?
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Come on, junior.
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Only the most important annual award
in the restaurant world given to...
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the best of New York!
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Wow! That's great!
I gotta go tell Tan...
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Tantou.
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Uh, my imaginary cat... bird.
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It's a cat-bird. Tantou!
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You know, we should really
get that guy a real cat.
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Or a real bird. Doesn't really matter.
- Yeah.
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The judge for this award's gonna be
here Friday? How do you know?
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00:01:51,900 --> 00:01:54,500
Well, sometimes information
just has a way of "trickling out".
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Okay. What the hell was that?
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I can't wink with one eye.
Anyway, the point is
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this award is equally based on food
and service. Etiquette is crucial.
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You are all gonna be
throughly drilled.
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You can't just lay there
like you usually do.
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I'm twice the woman you'll ever be.
- Twice my weight.
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Oh, I did.
- Oh, yeah.
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So, I was thinking that maybe...
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tomorrow night we could do
something special, like...
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Buy an ice cream cake,
then let it melt and then drink it?
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Oh, you do that too? Wow!
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Actually, I was thinking maybe
we could go out on an official...
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date.
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I want this award, Steven.
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This is bigger than anything
we've ever accomplished.
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It's like summiting Everest.
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But without the frostbite and the dead Sherpas.
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Precisely.
- And if we're gonna win this,
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we need to come up
with something...
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fantastic, groundbreaking,
truly unique.
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How do you feel
about pan-roasted panda?
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Get serious.
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No, I know someone
at the Bronx Zoo.
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Can have him here shaved
and ready by 5:00.
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Remember how you told me how much
you loved chocolate cr�me br�l�e?
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Yeah. That was a fun talk.
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You want to tell me about this?
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Portuguese baby eels!
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That's it!
That's what I'm doing!
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Portuguese baby eels?
Check yourself.
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00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,200
Not in season yet.
Not for another couple weeks.
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I guess there's not a river in the Castelo
Branco region where the netting is early.
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Steven.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm on it.
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Of course, I already shaved
he panda, but, you know.
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Oh, that's good.
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Uh, whatever it is, Jim did it.
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You cannot kill this lobster.
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Well, of course not. Absolutely not.
Why not?
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The Virgin Mary? You see the
Virgin Mary in the shell of this lobster?
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Yes.
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Just keep it to yourself, okay?
Because if anybody finds out...
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Santa Maria!
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Santa Maria!
- Oh, great!
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I can't even hear myself think in here.
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Look, if we're gonna have
a shot at the Epicure Award
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I need to go upstairs so I can focus
on the menu without distractions.
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I'll take the helm.
I'll pop up if I need your help.
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Listen. About the eels...
C�llate, muchachos!
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Don't worry yourself, mate.
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By tomorrow morning, my hands
are gonna be dripping in eely delight.
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What? No, this time I was
actually talking about eels.
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So I... I decided the best thing to do
is to tell you, man-to-man...
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That you have strong feelings for Tanya.
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I really want to court her,
but I won't do it without your blessing.
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I'm sorry. I am sorry.
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Is that... What is... so is that a yes?
- Whatever you need to do, kid.
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Oh, I... You are the best friend ever.
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It's what I do!
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Did I miss it? Did you...
Did you destroy him?
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I'm here for you, man.
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Thanks. I guess Tanya's "taken"...
and I am the "loser".
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Nice try, T. Rex!
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He, he took that really well.
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Steven, not now.
I really gotta focus, buddy.
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Hey, stranger.
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I heard you were up for an Epicure.
I thought I'd bring you a congratulatory gift.
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It was either this or a fruit basket.
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Well, can I at least see the fruit basket?
- Sure.
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00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:05,100
Okay, why so pouty?
- I'm not pouty.
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00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:07,400
Oh, yeah? What's this then?
- It's nothing.
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00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:12,400
I mean, I know that, you just set up
your new restaurant and everything,
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but I think you could've called.
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Yeah. I thought the naked apology
would've covered that.
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Well, it doesn't.
I'm still quite upset.
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Not so upset
you couldn't sleep with me.
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Well, I'm upset. I'm not crazy.
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Fine.
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I'm sorry I exploited our relationship
to get my own restaurant.
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I'm sorry I haven't called.
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But I think I've got
another present here for you,
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that I think is gonna
make it up to you.
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Now where'd I put that?
Oh, right.
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Where are you going?
- Oooh, here it is.
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00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:47,400
Oh, has that been there the whole time?
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00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:55,100
Steven. What's up?
- Rebecca.
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Oh, I get it. I picked Jack over you
and you're still feeling hurt.
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00:07:00,001 --> 00:07:03,301
You don't know how I feel.
I'm British. Even I don't know how I feel.
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O, my God. Portuguese eels?
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00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:07,600
No one has those yet.
Where'd you get those?
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Got 'em from a little place called, uh...
"I don't trust you. Go to hell".
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You're so good to me.
Oh, you got the eels!
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Yes. For the groundbreaking dish
that you've been toiling on all night
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00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:31,100
with no distractions
to win us the crucial award.
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00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:34,400
Oh, and judging by your spent smile
and your satisfied little expression,
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you've obviously cracked it.
So tell me. Huh? Tell us all.
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00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:42,900
Since there's so much at stake,
tell me... tell me what it is.
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You saw Becky leaving.
- I saw Becky leaving.
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00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,600
You're somewhat enraged.
- I'm extremely enraged!
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It's not gonna get in the way.
- It already has.
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00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:54,800
She is a succubus with the power
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00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,200
to drag your head out
of the game and into her lap!
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00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,400
Look. She showed up at my
doorstep naked in a trench coat.
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I was weak. I was wrong.
It's over.
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I promise.
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00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,300
Hello?
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00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:14,400
I... I can't.
Fine, fine, fine. I, I, I'll bring the check.
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Who was that?
- Vendors.
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Be right back.
Put those in a safe place.
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I couldn't even make it
to the subway.
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I'll say this. You're making me
a much better liar.
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Taste this.
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00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:50,500
Now you tell me that
that's not an award-winning sauce.
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00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:54,000
Yeah, it's okay. It's certainly not terrible.
It's definitely not the worst thing I've ever...
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00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,700
okay, it's genius.
- So...
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00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:59,800
Who can perform brilliantly both
in the bedroom and in the kitchen?
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00:09:01,801 --> 00:09:03,701
I'm sorry, who?
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00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:05,900
Is this really necessary?
- I belive it is. Yeah.
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00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:09,700
There are no awards for "nice try".
Count it off again!
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From the top! One!
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Here are the menus. Dinner's begun.
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Two.
- I am your waiter. How do you do?
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00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:27,100
Three.
- Let me explain what your courses will be.
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00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:33,400
Four.
- Pull the cork and start to pour.
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Five.
- Old plates go. New ones arrive.
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00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,200
Old plates go. New ones arrive.
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Where the hell are the busboys?
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00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:53,600
Fun's over.
Stop worshipping my entr�e, people.
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00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:56,400
It's holy.
- It is a sea roach, Ramon.
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00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,900
Your best friend wants something.
It's right in front of him.
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00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:03,700
He can't have it, and...
and you think that's funny?
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00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:06,300
Yes. Yes, I do.
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00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:08,500
Very well.
166
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,300
Does that feel good, baby?
- You know it does.
167
00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:17,900
I can't breathe.
- You're right. That is funny.
168
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,400
Hi, dad. Are you here checking up on me?
169
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,800
Only because I think you're not up to the job.
170
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:34,400
Well, thanks for pulling that punch.
But rest assured, everything is going great.
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00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,100
I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
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Everything else is going great.
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00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:41,500
My restaurant has been nominated
for the Epicure Award.
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00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:43,500
And I have every confidence
we're gonna win.
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Confidence. Good.
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00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:47,900
Of course, I'm sure your
competition is confident as well.
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00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:50,700
But it soesn't matter who our competition is
'cause we're gonna kick their asses.
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00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,600
Why? Who's our competition?
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00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,800
My dad's gonna win that award.
- No, he's not. It's impossible.
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00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,300
His new restaurant is also a finalist.
- Look.
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00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:03,500
Becky's the head chef
and she never said anything.
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00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:06,200
You've been talking to Becky?
- No! What?
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00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:09,400
No. That's why she never said anything,
because I've never... I never...
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00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:13,200
I haven't been talking to her.
It all tracks... what I said.
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00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,800
He's such a taker. My whole life,
he's never given me anything.
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00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:18,500
Except this restaurant.
And the convertible.
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00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,400
And the pony. We have to crush him.
- Oh, yeah.
188
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,600
Oh, yeah. No, no, no.
They're both going down.
189
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,700
Don't flip out. Stop it.
190
00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:29,000
Jack, you're flippin' out.
- I am not flipping out.
191
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,100
I am very calmly asking that
you get the hell out of my head.
192
00:11:31,101 --> 00:11:34,101
What exactly do you think I've been doing?
- I think you've been spying on me!
193
00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:37,100
I think that you have an agenda,
quite possibly to steal my chi.
194
00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:40,500
Your chi?
- My mojo, my thunder, my special magic.
195
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,800
Jack, you're crazy.
- Am I?
196
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,900
Then why didn't you mention
that we're up for the same award?
197
00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:46,400
Because I didn't want to make
things awkward. And while we're accusing
198
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:49,500
each other of spying, who's standing
in whose kitchen right now, huh?
199
00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:52,500
Okay, I... I can't...
200
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:57,000
Okay, I'm gonna go figure out how
I lost this argument. I'm gonna come back.
201
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,800
I'm gonna come back,
and I'm gonna argue some more.
202
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,300
My soupspoon is askew.
203
00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:06,000
'Cause you put it that way.
204
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:09,200
In this exercise, I'm the customer
and the customer is...
205
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,400
always right.
- A bitch.
206
00:11:36,100 --> 00:12:15,600
So when the costumer looks away,
you silently, stealthly correct it.
207
00:12:16,701 --> 00:12:18,301
Okay, I'm looking away.
208
00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:27,700
Delicious.
209
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:30,900
What are you gonna be?
One of his nine wives?
210
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,400
Seth, what are you doing?
211
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:36,600
What are you doing?
What is anyone doing?
212
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,900
Buddy, we need you back in the kitchen.
We can't win without ya.
213
00:12:39,900 --> 00:12:43,200
There are no winners in a world
where Jim gets Tanya, man.
214
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,400
Except for Jim. Bastard!
215
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:52,500
All right. That's it. That's it.
Now you man up! You man up right now!
216
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:55,000
Man up?
- Be a man about it!
217
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:59,900
That's it. Man up.
Jack, you're so right.
218
00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:03,400
I'm a p�tissier, damn it!
- That's right! That's right!
219
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:06,000
Now you go back in there
and you bake your pastries.
220
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:10,400
And you bake 'em lighter and sweeter
and flakier than you ever baked 'em before!
221
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,700
'Cause that's how a man would do it.
- Like a man would do it!
222
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:23,900
I thought I'd swing by
and borrow a cup of mojo.
223
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:26,900
I mean, but if you're a little low,
I could settle for a quart of chi.
224
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:29,700
I'm still mad.
225
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,900
I'm sorry I didn't tell you that
we were in competition.
226
00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:37,700
But did it ever occur to you
that the real reason I came back
227
00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:40,100
is because you are
an incredibly charming
228
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:42,900
and gorgeous guy
and I couldn't stay away?
229
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,700
Yeah, it occurred to me.
It's still nice to hear.
230
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,400
Ready? One, two, three, go!
231
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,000
Wait.
232
00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:53,400
Wait. Wait. Did you have...
Do you have a stapler on your bed?
233
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,900
No.
- Great. Let's go have sex there.
234
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,100
Where is everybody?
235
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,300
Okay, guys. Come on.
236
00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:15,500
We got an award to win.
We got a judge coming tonight.
237
00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:18,700
What's going on here?
238
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:21,800
What the hell happened here?
- Oh, I don't know.
239
00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:24,600
Somebody destroyed
our chances, our hopes.
240
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,200
Let's go through the suspects,
shall we?
241
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:29,400
PETA? Nah. They're out. No fur.
242
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:33,000
Eel Rescue?
Probably not. They don't exist.
243
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,300
Becky? Hmmm? How about her?
244
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:37,100
Becky? What does she have
to do with this?
245
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,000
Jack's been shagging her again!
- Again?
246
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,100
Was it good?
247
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:41,900
Just because we were shagging
and she's up for the wame award...
248
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,200
Are you crazy?
- Was it good?
249
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:47,700
I mean, it's not like he brought her in here.
- Well, briefly, but...
250
00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:50,000
Give me a knife,
I'm gonna cut his pretty face!
251
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,200
Sidekick to the village idiot!
252
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:56,400
You're trying to indict an innocent person
here and you have zero... zero evidence!
253
00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:03,500
You defended me?
That was so sweet.
254
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,100
And foolish.
255
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:11,600
How could you screw me over? Again!
256
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:15,300
Jack, this is our thing. This is what
we do. You know that.
257
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:16,600
Or maybe you don't.
258
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:20,800
Because our relationship is all about
sex with you and not about listening.
259
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,600
So... so this is all my fault?
260
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,800
Let's not assign blame.
There are no villains here.
261
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,400
Yes, there are!
You are the villain!
262
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,800
All right. Come on, Jack.
Don't play hurt.
263
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,600
You've been working people
your whole life.
264
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:34,300
Yeah. But I would never
sandbag somebody that I love.
265
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,800
Care about.
Never mind. I gotta go.
266
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:43,900
Are you enjoying your meal?
267
00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:47,200
Hi. Potemkin, 8:00.
268
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,600
Yes, one second.
269
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,700
Are you ready to order?
- Yes. We'll have the tuna tartare.
270
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:55,100
Judge!
271
00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:57,900
Uh, bad choice.
Uh, parasites. Keep thinkin'
272
00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:04,100
Welcome. Welcome.
273
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:18,200
What are you talking about no eels?
What happened?
274
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,300
Jack slept with Becky.
She sabotaged the restaurant.
275
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:23,100
What?
- What? I enjoy mixing things up.
276
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,300
You...
277
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:25,900
Oh, my God.
I knew this would happen.
278
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,600
You blew it. That's your job...
to blow things for me.
279
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,500
You were put on this earth
to diminish me.
280
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,400
I'm sorry. Were you talking?
- Yes, I was talking!
281
00:17:32,401 --> 00:17:33,601
What are we gonna do?
282
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:37,100
We're gonna...
We're gonna stall him. Stall him.
283
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:41,300
Welcome to Nolita.
284
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:46,400
If I may, I'd like to tell you a little
about our tasting menu this evening.
285
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,400
We begin with the bread.
286
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:53,200
Since the dawn of time man has had
a complex relationship with bread.
287
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:58,400
The Etruscans made it in stone ovens,
using mostly spelt... and slaves.
288
00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:02,300
You cannot cook
the mother of Jesus.
289
00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:04,900
Ever think that maybe
this is why she appeared to us?
290
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:08,100
To feed a hungry judge,
win us an award.
291
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:12,100
Come on. Isn't that what
Jesus is all about? Winning?
292
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:15,800
You just can't talk religion
with some people, eh?
293
00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:19,600
The choice is yours. But if you
spare her, a miracle will occur.
294
00:18:19,601 --> 00:18:22,201
No, Ramon.
The choice is yours.
295
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:24,700
It's this or dental.
296
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,000
Would you just do it already?
297
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,900
I can only cram so many breadsticks
into this guy!
298
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,400
I can't, I just can't do it.
299
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,500
Just do it. What do you think
is gonna happen?
300
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:37,100
Can you belive it? It's rush hour,
and I got a cab. It's a freakin' miracle.
301
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,600
Somebody help me
with these eels, huh?
302
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,800
I always knew shagging Becky
would pay off.
303
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:45,900
Forgive me.
304
00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:47,500
Here we go. The main course.
305
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:51,100
Portuguese baby eels,
braised in a light citrus sauce.
306
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:54,000
Really? How on earth
did you get these?
307
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,600
Actually, that is a fascinating story.
- I withdraw the question.
308
00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:58,800
Enjoy.
309
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:02,900
We're gonna settle this now.
310
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:05,400
Settle what?
- See who's the bigger man.
311
00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:07,900
We're having a contest.
312
00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:10,000
A man contest?
- A man contest.
313
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:14,400
Here's what it is: whoever makes
the biggest doughnut wins.
314
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:15,900
Go!
315
00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:20,000
What was that about?
316
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,100
I don't know, baby.
I don't know.
317
00:19:27,901 --> 00:19:32,001
This is spectacular. Really. Outstanding.
318
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:35,000
As far as I'm concerned,
this award is a foregone conclusion.
319
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:39,300
Well, our chef, Jack Bourdain,
is something of a miracle worker.
320
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,800
Santa Maria!
321
00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:50,900
So you kill my eels so I lose,
but then you give me your eels so I win.
322
00:19:50,901 --> 00:19:52,701
Women, huh?
- I know, right?
323
00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,700
I guess the part of me
that's crazy about you
324
00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:57,600
won out over the part of me that
wants to kick your ass all the time.
325
00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:59,500
What's going on here?
You getting girlie on me?
326
00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:01,200
That makes two of us.
327
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,700
So, you think you could
handle this for a while?
328
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,700
I don't know.
You ever gonna get fat?
329
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,900
No. Do you have pictures of your mom?
Did she ever get fat?
330
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:09,000
Oh, shut up.
331
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,300
As long as everyone's getting cozy,
we could just, uh, you know...
332
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,100
Don't ever touch me.
- Okay.
333
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:23,700
Get a room.
334
00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:34,700
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