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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:03,000 1x10 'Praise be praise' 2 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,400 Transcript by Aimee www.tusseries.com 3 00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:10,500 Synch by Aimee www.tusseries.com 4 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,100 Here's the funny thing about restaurants: 5 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:26,300 the way you eat in the dinning room, 6 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,900 it isn't exactly the way we eat in the kitchen. 7 00:00:30,300 --> 00:00:31,800 Pretty gruesome, right? 8 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,900 These empobrished parannos are commonly known as waiters. 9 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:39,300 And it is their priviledge to eat my food for free 10 00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:41,100 so they can better sell it to you. 11 00:00:41,404 --> 00:00:43,001 And the garlic and the *** 12 00:00:43,005 --> 00:00:45,405 does things that garlic has never done before. 13 00:00:45,703 --> 00:00:47,102 It sounds delicious. 14 00:00:47,309 --> 00:00:49,101 And the spinach, is that very creamy? 15 00:00:49,107 --> 00:00:51,602 I have no idea. I wasn't fast enough. 16 00:00:51,707 --> 00:00:53,900 Now this is a typical staff meal, 17 00:00:54,007 --> 00:00:56,900 which some might call cruel and unusual punishment. 18 00:00:57,105 --> 00:00:59,401 But it is made with love. 19 00:00:59,405 --> 00:01:01,301 Chuncky, chuncky bits of love. 20 00:01:01,405 --> 00:01:03,000 You're gonna have to help me with the staff meal, 21 00:01:03,007 --> 00:01:05,700 because I think they found out which part of the cow we're serving. 22 00:01:06,206 --> 00:01:07,200 Good morning, chef! 23 00:01:07,206 --> 00:01:09,100 If they don't like it, they can buy a jar of peanut butter. 24 00:01:09,407 --> 00:01:13,102 So chef, last night I practised my tornedos d'agneau. 25 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:15,700 That's your solution? - Well, they can bring jelly from home. 26 00:01:15,806 --> 00:01:18,702 Which is primarly composed by, you sure may know, lamb, 27 00:01:18,805 --> 00:01:23,002 c�tes d'agneau, one onion finely chopped. 28 00:01:23,707 --> 00:01:26,101 No, no, no, sliced, finely sliced. 29 00:01:26,407 --> 00:01:27,803 Stupid, stupid. 30 00:01:29,108 --> 00:01:31,101 And we all crave love, don't we? 31 00:01:31,107 --> 00:01:32,601 Yes, sliced. 32 00:01:32,906 --> 00:01:34,202 Love of approval. 33 00:01:34,906 --> 00:01:36,301 That's the greatest hunger of all. 34 00:01:38,008 --> 00:01:39,702 Did Jack talk to you today? 35 00:01:40,507 --> 00:01:42,003 He talked near me. 36 00:01:43,005 --> 00:01:44,502 There you go! 37 00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:50,503 Come on! What did I tell you? 38 00:01:51,806 --> 00:01:53,300 Baby steps. 39 00:01:58,307 --> 00:01:59,401 Jim, you are in my right. 40 00:02:00,606 --> 00:02:02,002 Hang to me that sauce pan. 41 00:02:06,306 --> 00:02:07,903 Do you have any burn cream? 42 00:02:10,108 --> 00:02:11,102 Burn cream? 43 00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:14,300 Yeah, or any ointment? 44 00:02:14,508 --> 00:02:16,701 Ointment? Steven. 45 00:02:19,708 --> 00:02:22,402 One Mississipi, two Mississippi 46 00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:25,002 Let me explain something to you about pain in the kitchen 47 00:02:25,408 --> 00:02:26,802 It doesn't exist, 48 00:02:27,907 --> 00:02:30,502 which is why we don't have any burn cream 49 00:02:30,508 --> 00:02:33,300 or ointment or chafes 50 00:02:33,705 --> 00:02:35,400 or even bums? 51 00:02:35,507 --> 00:02:38,101 Ten Mississippi! We have a new world's record. 52 00:02:41,406 --> 00:02:43,803 Your skin! I can smell it! 53 00:02:43,808 --> 00:02:45,903 Table 8 sent back this special. Says it's undercooked. 54 00:02:45,905 --> 00:02:47,802 Do not worry, chef. I will just throw it back... 55 00:02:47,807 --> 00:02:49,901 ...on the pan for you. - What are you thinking, Jim? 56 00:02:50,808 --> 00:02:52,400 You know what they say, "the costumer's always right". 57 00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,100 You know what? No. 58 00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:57,600 This dish 20 out of 30 in the Zagat guide. You wanna know why? 59 00:02:57,605 --> 00:02:58,400 Because I know what I'm doing. 60 00:02:58,406 --> 00:03:00,101 So she gets it the way I made it. 61 00:03:00,108 --> 00:03:02,801 And as of now, no more send backs at Nolita! 62 00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:04,303 Yeah, you're my hero. 63 00:03:05,605 --> 00:03:07,402 Bold. I like it. 64 00:03:07,706 --> 00:03:10,801 Also waitresses. Topless Tuesdays? 65 00:03:12,506 --> 00:03:15,002 No, no. I think it's great you wouldn't cook it for over 2 seconds. 66 00:03:15,006 --> 00:03:18,203 Sure! All I got was a 3% tip on a party of 8, 67 00:03:18,205 --> 00:03:20,601 but you stucked to your guns, 68 00:03:20,607 --> 00:03:23,000 whereas I must continue to live with my mother. 69 00:03:23,005 --> 00:03:24,602 You're thinking small, Cameron. 70 00:03:24,708 --> 00:03:26,702 No send backs are great for business. 71 00:03:28,006 --> 00:03:29,601 People respond to confidence. 72 00:03:30,205 --> 00:03:31,201 Hold this. 73 00:03:34,607 --> 00:03:35,902 Ok. 74 00:03:36,005 --> 00:03:38,701 I couldn't help but notice there's a beautiful woman looking at me 75 00:03:39,108 --> 00:03:41,101 and I was just wondering if you knew her name. 76 00:03:41,406 --> 00:03:43,201 She's directly behind you. 77 00:03:44,508 --> 00:03:45,802 Has that ever worked? 78 00:03:45,806 --> 00:03:47,801 Once, but she didn't speak English. 79 00:03:49,208 --> 00:03:51,103 I'm Jack. - Jack Bourdain. 80 00:03:51,007 --> 00:03:53,003 You're not gonna give me a subpoena, are you? 81 00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:55,502 I've eaten at your restaurant before, Jack 82 00:03:56,008 --> 00:03:58,102 And that New York Times review was right. 83 00:03:58,305 --> 00:04:00,102 Your food is incredible. 84 00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:02,702 Stop it! Now you're just being accurate. 85 00:04:02,708 --> 00:04:05,000 God! Sometimes I think you chefs should just be able 86 00:04:05,005 --> 00:04:07,300 to walk through his dinning room and tell to certain people 87 00:04:07,306 --> 00:04:10,802 they don't deserve the food they're about to eat, no matter how much they're willing to pay. 88 00:04:10,806 --> 00:04:14,202 Ok, you may be the single most brilliant woman that I've ever met. 89 00:04:15,507 --> 00:04:17,602 I'll tell you something I don't know anything about. 90 00:04:17,608 --> 00:04:19,701 What's that? - Knives. 91 00:04:20,005 --> 00:04:23,703 Just wish there was someone who could help me... 92 00:04:24,805 --> 00:04:26,303 Okay, you see, 93 00:04:26,907 --> 00:04:30,402 this is an example of less is more, 94 00:04:30,805 --> 00:04:33,001 Ok? All you really need is one good strong... 95 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,101 Okay, what's this? 96 00:04:36,405 --> 00:04:38,202 I came here to talk about knives. 97 00:04:46,007 --> 00:04:47,203 So, 98 00:04:47,708 --> 00:04:50,502 I heard there was a bit of a hook-up at the Snake Pit last night. 99 00:04:52,006 --> 00:04:54,900 I don't like to kiss and tell. It's not me. 100 00:04:55,705 --> 00:04:58,403 So, the word is getting out, huh? 101 00:04:58,406 --> 00:05:02,101 Oh, it's out. It's way out. 102 00:05:03,006 --> 00:05:04,701 Wait, what do you mean "way out"? 103 00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:07,500 Like how far? - You don't know who this person is, do you? 104 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,103 I think I know a little better than you do. 105 00:05:09,105 --> 00:05:11,303 So you know abour her website chefhunter.net 106 00:05:11,307 --> 00:05:12,501 chefhunter.net? 107 00:05:12,505 --> 00:05:14,503 Yeah, where she rates New York chefs. 108 00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:16,001 Chefs? She rates chefs? 109 00:05:16,307 --> 00:05:18,001 In the sack. 110 00:05:19,808 --> 00:05:21,000 In the sack? 111 00:05:21,006 --> 00:05:23,001 Service? Presentation? 112 00:05:23,006 --> 00:05:25,003 Yeah, it's on a scale of 30. 113 00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:27,703 You know, it's like her own version of the Zagat guide 114 00:05:27,707 --> 00:05:30,602 Okay, well that's just wrong. Because I didn't consent to that. 115 00:05:30,605 --> 00:05:33,801 I wasn't a willing participant in that. I didn't do... What I get? 116 00:05:36,005 --> 00:05:37,203 22. 117 00:05:37,207 --> 00:05:39,800 22? Who the...? 22? 118 00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,101 How was she even taking notes? 119 00:05:41,106 --> 00:05:43,601 I happen to know her hands weren't available for notes, okay? 120 00:05:43,705 --> 00:05:45,303 God, this is like it's in real time! 121 00:05:46,208 --> 00:05:48,502 Okay, you know what? 22 is pretty good. 122 00:05:48,408 --> 00:05:50,302 Yeah, absolutely. Scrawl down. 123 00:05:51,705 --> 00:05:55,302 Jean Georges got a 28? - Now that's extraordinary! 124 00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:57,001 Keep reading, keep reading. 125 00:05:57,507 --> 00:05:59,403 There's a Noah for Noah's Bagels? 126 00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:03,190 27. 127 00:06:03,205 --> 00:06:05,403 You know there's an everything bagel? 128 00:06:06,608 --> 00:06:09,001 Did you read the summary? - Yes, I did! 129 00:06:09,105 --> 00:06:10,401 How do I turn this off? - Wait, wait! 130 00:06:10,507 --> 00:06:12,700 "Jack Bourdain offers a service of rendition 131 00:06:12,708 --> 00:06:17,203 of an experience we've all had many many times". 132 00:06:19,005 --> 00:06:23,101 Jack, I think that would make you a send back. 133 00:06:27,406 --> 00:06:29,203 Who even uses the Internet? 134 00:06:35,706 --> 00:06:37,101 Here's the thing about reviews: 135 00:06:37,908 --> 00:06:39,503 you can't believe the good ones, 136 00:06:39,506 --> 00:06:43,100 because if you believe the good ones, then you gotta believe the bad ones too. 137 00:06:43,806 --> 00:06:46,802 Now, the problem is, we all believe the good ones. 138 00:07:04,807 --> 00:07:07,501 Okay, I want whoever did this to come forward. 139 00:07:07,506 --> 00:07:10,802 No, not because it's about me, because it's unprofessional 140 00:07:11,107 --> 00:07:13,102 and it was covering the credit card sign. 141 00:07:13,907 --> 00:07:16,500 Yeah, people with credit cards would just walk... 142 00:07:16,507 --> 00:07:19,301 Okay, who's laughing? 'Cause laughing is also unprofessional! 143 00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:23,800 All you guys think about that. 144 00:07:24,304 --> 00:07:25,701 Amateurs! 145 00:07:25,505 --> 00:07:27,205 You can't believe every review, Jack. I mean, I do, 146 00:07:27,203 --> 00:07:31,002 but then again I've never been given anything less than spectacular. 147 00:07:32,409 --> 00:07:36,002 No, no, I get it. It's funny, it's funny. It's my laugh with it. 148 00:07:36,108 --> 00:07:37,903 I know, I just slept with a crazy woman. 149 00:07:38,006 --> 00:07:39,700 I won't be doing that again even if she begged me. 150 00:07:39,705 --> 00:07:42,200 Why would she beg you? The beg guy beat you by five. 151 00:07:53,208 --> 00:07:54,403 Guilty. 152 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:58,202 I came in early and organized everybody's meeze and plus 153 00:07:58,206 --> 00:08:00,403 and sharpened everybody's knives. 154 00:08:00,608 --> 00:08:02,403 There's no need to thank me. 155 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,702 You sleazed my meeze? 156 00:08:07,508 --> 00:08:09,701 You never touch a person's meeze. 157 00:08:12,405 --> 00:08:13,702 Never. 158 00:08:16,308 --> 00:08:17,501 Why are you leaving? 159 00:08:22,906 --> 00:08:26,300 You know? I know change can be scary... 160 00:08:26,307 --> 00:08:27,803 Get him! - Get him! 161 00:08:31,006 --> 00:08:32,602 Not cool! 162 00:08:34,805 --> 00:08:37,703 Nobody panic! Just a little pepper in the eye. 163 00:08:40,006 --> 00:08:43,103 Who would you rather do? Gwyneth Paltrow or Kate Hudson? 164 00:08:43,407 --> 00:08:44,800 Kate. 165 00:08:45,006 --> 00:08:48,203 Can't moan Gwyneth Paltrow. - You moan the last name? 166 00:08:48,208 --> 00:08:49,503 Dude, I'm usually alone. 167 00:08:50,508 --> 00:08:53,000 Queen Elisabeth or Barbara Bush? - Queen Elisabeth. 168 00:08:53,007 --> 00:08:54,801 Woman who wears a crown up for anything. 169 00:08:54,807 --> 00:08:56,503 So we're playing that game, are we? 170 00:08:56,808 --> 00:08:58,100 Let's make it interesting. 171 00:08:58,506 --> 00:09:00,903 If you had to do one guy in the kitchen, who would you do? 172 00:09:04,508 --> 00:09:06,803 Alright, desert island, gun to your head. 173 00:09:07,006 --> 00:09:09,602 Hypothetically, just purely hypothetically, 174 00:09:10,206 --> 00:09:13,002 I'd have to say Jack. For political reasons. 175 00:09:12,907 --> 00:09:15,002 A kiss-ass. One point for Jack. 176 00:09:14,907 --> 00:09:16,601 Don't expect a call the next day. 177 00:09:18,105 --> 00:09:19,900 No, I am not playing. 178 00:09:20,808 --> 00:09:22,601 What's the matter, pastry boy? 179 00:09:22,705 --> 00:09:26,602 So insecure about your manhood you can't play a little game? 180 00:09:27,706 --> 00:09:28,802 Fine. 181 00:09:29,206 --> 00:09:32,303 Steven. He's been to boarding school and I think he'd be sensitive. 182 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,200 Jack. Rodrigo? 183 00:09:35,206 --> 00:09:36,700 Steven. - Jack! 184 00:09:36,608 --> 00:09:38,200 Enzo. - Enzo. 185 00:09:38,308 --> 00:09:40,701 Okay, who hasn't voted yet? 186 00:09:42,306 --> 00:09:45,600 This can't be right. I didn't get a single vote. 187 00:09:46,806 --> 00:09:48,601 And you're hurt. - Of course not! 188 00:09:48,907 --> 00:09:50,301 It's hypothetical, okay? 189 00:09:50,705 --> 00:09:56,203 But if anybody wants to change his vote, now is the time. 190 00:09:57,705 --> 00:10:00,203 Ok, fine. Who cares? 191 00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:07,703 Oh, come on! 192 00:10:07,706 --> 00:10:10,800 He smells like fish. I smell like sugar. 193 00:10:16,307 --> 00:10:17,800 She's moving! 194 00:10:18,205 --> 00:10:19,203 Here's why. 195 00:10:19,807 --> 00:10:23,403 You were exhausted, you had a long night, you were in a strange bed. 196 00:10:24,108 --> 00:10:26,100 You can't be expected to bring your A game. 197 00:10:27,806 --> 00:10:30,002 Everyone on this bar saw her website, didn't they? 198 00:10:30,407 --> 00:10:32,203 Only the people who are staring at you. 199 00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,600 I could use a drink. 200 00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,602 Hey, you know what's sexy? - What? 201 00:10:41,605 --> 00:10:43,503 A man who can just move on. 202 00:10:44,707 --> 00:10:45,900 Sexy. 203 00:09:46,108 --> 00:10:49,000 The problem with reviews, specially bad ones, 204 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:52,201 is that they take a life of their own. Your life. 205 00:10:52,207 --> 00:10:54,500 Sure people respond to condifence. 206 00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:58,900 The trouble is, they can also smell desperation. 207 00:10:59,605 --> 00:11:01,600 I've got to take this call. 208 00:11:03,405 --> 00:11:06,003 I have an audition first thing in the morning. 209 00:11:06,106 --> 00:11:07,701 My ride is leaving. - Good! 210 00:11:08,007 --> 00:11:09,202 Because guess what, 211 00:11:09,206 --> 00:11:11,100 I didn't want to sleep with you anyway! 212 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:18,200 All I'm trying to say is this: I come from money. 213 00:11:18,808 --> 00:11:21,301 You're gonna need it. - What does that mean? 214 00:11:22,205 --> 00:11:23,202 What is this? 215 00:11:23,408 --> 00:11:26,002 Tim made the staff meal and he saved you a plate. 216 00:11:26,006 --> 00:11:29,401 Oh, you know, I'm just stepping up, helping out. 217 00:11:31,708 --> 00:11:33,603 Is that saffron? - Yes! 218 00:11:33,707 --> 00:11:35,400 I knew you would appreciate it. 219 00:11:35,408 --> 00:11:37,903 You have the best mouth in the business. 220 00:11:38,705 --> 00:11:40,100 That's not what I meant. 221 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,000 You know, Saffron costs $40 dollars an ounce. 222 00:11:42,006 --> 00:11:45,203 And what's this pink thing that looks a lot like my $25 a pound caperated salmon? 223 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,400 It's caperated salmon, Jack. - And it was delicious! 224 00:11:47,405 --> 00:11:50,600 I don't know. Maybe has a little too much saffron for my taste. 225 00:11:50,608 --> 00:11:54,003 Take that back. It was perfect. It was the perfect amount of saffron. 226 00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:58,803 I'm sorry, I was just trying to show a little initiative. 227 00:11:59,208 --> 00:12:01,901 I don't need you to show a little initiative. Here's what I need. 228 00:12:01,905 --> 00:12:05,003 I need to be able to ignore you. 'Cause when I can ignore you, 229 00:12:05,006 --> 00:12:06,901 like really trully ignore you, 230 00:12:06,908 --> 00:12:09,901 then you're gonna know that you're not totally expendible. 231 00:12:09,708 --> 00:12:11,301 Jack! - What now? 232 00:12:11,406 --> 00:12:14,802 Table 4 sent this back. Apparently it's a little undercooked. 233 00:12:15,305 --> 00:12:17,001 What did I tell you? 234 00:12:17,006 --> 00:12:20,200 What's our policy on send-backs? - No send-backs! 235 00:12:20,208 --> 00:12:22,302 Well, considering you recent humiliation, 236 00:12:22,305 --> 00:12:24,202 I think you'd be a little less arrogant. 237 00:12:24,208 --> 00:12:27,200 Oh, not a chance. Get out of my way. 238 00:12:29,008 --> 00:12:30,503 Get out of my way. 239 00:12:33,605 --> 00:12:36,500 Look, I think it's him. The one we read about. 240 00:12:37,108 --> 00:12:39,402 So you read about me, huh? Let me tell you something, okay? 241 00:12:39,407 --> 00:12:41,700 Don't believe everything you read, cause a review is a review. 242 00:12:41,708 --> 00:12:43,101 It's one person's opinion. 243 00:12:43,207 --> 00:12:47,002 And the woman who wrote it happens to be lousy in bed. And insane. 244 00:12:47,605 --> 00:12:51,102 But the New York Times' review is the reason we came. 245 00:12:54,306 --> 00:12:56,300 Let me get chef Bourdain. 246 00:12:56,707 --> 00:12:59,303 He's just in the bathroom. Tricky lock. 247 00:13:04,608 --> 00:13:06,201 No booze, no drugs... 248 00:13:06,708 --> 00:13:08,900 Thank God you can't get addicted to those. 249 00:13:08,908 --> 00:13:10,801 You okay? - Never better. 250 00:13:11,808 --> 00:13:15,500 There are 2 things I used to do with such confidence. 251 00:13:16,805 --> 00:13:17,902 Huh, they both end in "k". 252 00:13:18,305 --> 00:13:22,400 Two thing I used to do with such confidence and they both ended in... jail. 253 00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,803 I was so sorry to hear about your grandmother. 254 00:13:30,105 --> 00:13:32,902 What a terrible loss. 255 00:13:33,208 --> 00:13:35,901 I almost forgot! I made something for your grandfather. 256 00:13:35,906 --> 00:13:37,003 Thank you. 257 00:13:36,707 --> 00:13:39,001 Nothing much. Just a tarte tatin. 258 00:13:40,908 --> 00:13:43,201 Yeah, you might just want to have it heat it up 15 minutes before 259 00:13:43,307 --> 00:13:46,100 and then serve it with a hazelnut ice cream. 260 00:13:46,406 --> 00:13:49,803 Or you can just shove it in your mouth right now with your finger. Really... 261 00:13:49,808 --> 00:13:51,700 doesn't matter. 262 00:13:51,707 --> 00:13:54,303 So, gun to my head? 263 00:13:54,705 --> 00:13:56,003 Gun to your head. 264 00:13:56,406 --> 00:13:58,100 Steven. - What? 265 00:13:58,208 --> 00:14:00,003 He looks like he can change a tire. 266 00:14:12,505 --> 00:14:15,201 That's delicious, Jack. - Thank you. 267 00:14:15,305 --> 00:14:17,000 Really. 268 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:21,002 You're a great cook. - Thank you. 269 00:14:21,308 --> 00:14:22,800 And you're funny. 270 00:14:25,707 --> 00:14:28,601 And sex is overrated, 'cause as people age, 271 00:14:28,607 --> 00:14:30,503 they pleasure each other with laughter. 272 00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:36,001 I'm gonna need you to leave the kitchen. 273 00:14:42,805 --> 00:14:45,402 Okay, on the onset let me just say I'm sorry. 274 00:14:45,706 --> 00:14:49,501 Things weren't as hot or as fresh as they should have been, okay? 275 00:14:49,606 --> 00:14:53,501 And we would really like another chance to serve you. 276 00:14:54,907 --> 00:14:58,700 Okay, well I'm sorry, but you don't get seconds. 277 00:14:58,907 --> 00:15:00,501 It's against the rules. 278 00:15:00,507 --> 00:15:02,100 Yeah, but they're your rules. 279 00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:03,903 The rules are a part of a system. 280 00:15:03,908 --> 00:15:07,300 Yeah, the system that you invented. - The system is bigger than the both of us. 281 00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:09,600 You're enjoying this, aren't you? - A little. 282 00:15:10,008 --> 00:15:11,700 And they both end in"k", don't they? 283 00:15:11,706 --> 00:15:14,203 And they're certainly the only addictions that I'm still allowed. 284 00:15:15,705 --> 00:15:18,902 And I'm probably also a little obsessed and compulsive. 285 00:15:18,907 --> 00:15:20,802 Yeah, you actually told me that. - See what I mean? 286 00:15:21,905 --> 00:15:24,703 Okay, enough with this petty party. Play to your strength. 287 00:15:24,705 --> 00:15:26,001 You know what? 288 00:15:26,207 --> 00:15:27,701 Let me cook for you. 289 00:15:28,706 --> 00:15:30,100 Jack, I don't know. 290 00:15:30,106 --> 00:15:31,202 No, come on, come on. 291 00:15:31,705 --> 00:15:34,900 You gotta let me leave this appartment just once knowing I've satistied you. 292 00:15:34,908 --> 00:15:37,500 So, he says mommy and daddy won't be living together anymore 293 00:15:37,505 --> 00:15:39,802 but I'll still see you on the weekends. 294 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:41,402 And? 295 00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:44,400 Apparently there hasn't been a weekend in 17 years. 296 00:15:44,406 --> 00:15:47,103 Yeah, whatever, let's get this back on track! 297 00:15:48,105 --> 00:15:50,300 See if this helps. 298 00:15:52,606 --> 00:15:54,201 Oh, my God. 299 00:15:57,506 --> 00:16:01,602 So I punched him. And then I find out he's a cop! 300 00:16:01,606 --> 00:16:04,400 Oh, okay, but when he is using my cocaine, he's "Paul", you know? 301 00:16:07,806 --> 00:16:10,003 I know, I'm a genious, right? 302 00:16:11,007 --> 00:16:14,300 Yeah, so she says, "Well, you've got pretty hair." 303 00:16:15,006 --> 00:16:16,502 Yeah, thanks, mom. 304 00:16:16,908 --> 00:16:18,303 Screw her! 305 00:16:19,308 --> 00:16:21,201 Come on, she's probably just jealous. 306 00:16:21,508 --> 00:16:23,200 I mean, look at you. 307 00:16:24,306 --> 00:16:27,002 And Jack is back. 308 00:17:12,308 --> 00:17:15,802 That was the best sex I ever had. 309 00:17:16,205 --> 00:17:17,603 Yeah? 310 00:17:18,806 --> 00:17:21,403 So, it's gonna be like, the 30? 311 00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:24,902 Oh, gosh, I can't assign a numeration like that. 312 00:17:25,407 --> 00:17:28,803 And that would demean the whole experience and you. 313 00:16:29,407 --> 00:17:32,003 Oh, God! Demean me, really! I'm fine with it. 314 00:17:33,905 --> 00:17:37,000 What made it so incredible was how intimate it felt 315 00:17:37,007 --> 00:17:39,800 and I don't wanna ruin that. - I don't wanna ruin it. 316 00:17:39,806 --> 00:17:41,400 I wanna celebrate it. 317 00:17:41,406 --> 00:17:45,802 It's a perfect moment, it was perfect. It was like 30 out of 30? 318 00:17:46,307 --> 00:17:49,001 'Cause I'm taking your silence to me as 30. 319 00:17:49,405 --> 00:17:52,001 Jack, I'm not gonna write about it. 320 00:17:52,306 --> 00:17:56,000 No, of course not. I wouldn't want you to. 321 00:17:56,605 --> 00:17:58,903 Who would? Animal, that's who. 322 00:18:01,105 --> 00:18:03,000 I'm going to jump into the shower. 323 00:18:03,407 --> 00:18:04,802 You go do that. 324 00:18:07,606 --> 00:18:10,101 I'm just going to lay back and take it the day. 325 00:18:13,306 --> 00:18:17,202 Hey, cherry feels so good, doesn't it? - Yeah, it's great! 326 00:18:18,407 --> 00:18:20,202 What's your password? 327 00:18:20,607 --> 00:18:23,503 The truth is we all hunger for approval. 328 00:18:23,607 --> 00:18:26,602 So when in doubt, try a little tenderness. 329 00:18:26,707 --> 00:18:28,400 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were in here. 330 00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:31,602 I tried to do it all my chores before you get in so they don't bug you. 331 00:18:31,808 --> 00:18:35,201 You know what? I haven't noticed you in a couple of days. 332 00:18:37,906 --> 00:18:40,302 Good job. - Really? 333 00:18:40,908 --> 00:18:43,900 You were able to ignore me? - Totally invisible. 334 00:18:45,807 --> 00:18:48,602 I've been ignored by Jack Bourdain! 335 00:18:48,607 --> 00:18:51,501 Sweet! You know, a couple of dishwashers 336 00:18:15,008 --> 00:18:53,501 were telling me that they thought you were totally ignoring me 337 00:18:53,605 --> 00:18:56,802 but I didn't allow myself to believe them. - No, I was. Here. 338 00:18:57,606 --> 00:19:00,002 My mentor at the institute gave that to me. 339 00:19:00,408 --> 00:19:01,900 Now it's yours. 340 00:19:03,007 --> 00:19:04,403 Thank you. 341 00:19:05,007 --> 00:19:06,600 Not the paring knife story! 342 00:19:06,907 --> 00:19:09,701 Mentor's knife? He gave it to me 6 years ago. 343 00:19:09,708 --> 00:19:11,503 And to me 4 years ago. 344 00:19:11,507 --> 00:19:14,901 Well, it's good thing his mentor had a lot of paring knives, huh? 345 00:19:16,307 --> 00:19:18,301 I heard about your game 346 00:19:18,306 --> 00:19:22,503 and I just wanted to let you know that if I had to choose, 347 00:19:22,308 --> 00:19:24,502 I would pick you. 348 00:19:30,405 --> 00:19:33,003 You hear that, you losers? 349 00:19:33,307 --> 00:19:36,302 Cameron, a real homosexual, 350 00:19:36,307 --> 00:19:38,702 wants to have sex with me. 351 00:19:38,908 --> 00:19:39,902 That's right, 352 00:19:39,905 --> 00:19:43,503 a man who has sex with other men chose me! 353 00:19:43,908 --> 00:19:46,900 I win! I am the winner! 354 00:19:49,705 --> 00:19:51,402 Hi, Tanya. 355 00:19:51,606 --> 00:19:53,203 Hi. 356 00:19:53,206 --> 00:19:55,402 Congratulations? 357 00:19:56,406 --> 00:19:58,800 I come from money. 358 00:20:04,705 --> 00:20:06,303 Hey, man, here you go. 359 00:20:12,005 --> 00:20:14,502 It's $40 Bluegill over here. 360 00:20:15,208 --> 00:20:16,301 Oh, I get it. 361 00:20:16,307 --> 00:20:18,301 Feed the homeless drunk a piece of uncooked fish 362 00:20:18,306 --> 00:20:20,801 with the potatoes and the leeks all runny together. 363 00:20:20,808 --> 00:20:24,003 I live in a subway grave so presentation becomes unimportant? 364 00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:26,402 I used to be a gym teacher! 28069

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