Original subtitles

107 Let's do Brunch

Transcript: Abby_e Synchro: Sixe

Of all the delicious things on life's menu, nothing,

and I mean nothing, tastes better than the forbidden fruit.

I should really... stop and get ready for work.

Right, work.

Jack you in there?

What? No!

What? Yeah! It's my office! What? Yes!

What do you want?

I think I left my jacket in there last night.

Jack?

Thank you.

Do you think Opey heard us?

I don't know.

My keys were in the pocket...

- Here you go. - Oh, thank you.

- You know what I really need? - Yeah, a pack of smokes.

- Great. And I also need a, - Double espresso?

Done and done.

- You're prepared. - Well once an eagle scout right?

Oh yeah!

- Good day at work. - You too boss.

Sometimes you have no choice but to break your own rules,

because certain pleasures are impossible to resist.

Oh my God!

That's the power of chocolate.

It's nature's brown seductress.

Really?

Chef Bordaine.

Albert, of "Chocolates by Albert".

Here, try one.

They'll melt in your mouth like a secret wish.

I know , says that on your card.

Yeah, I think what he's trying to say is that he has deserts covered by me,

Seth, of ass kickings by Seth.

Seth, these are really good.

It's like I'm being kissed from the inside.

Ok, now you're killing me.

Seth, just lighten up.

The man's just trying to make a living.

But listen, you really shouldn't park your van in our alley mate.

Oh mate! Are you from jolly old England?

Well are you governor?

Chim chim chery!

That is you! You know you have got him down.

You just made a gravest error sunshine.

Eh Gad! Are we going to have a slap fight? Pistols at dawn,

you gonna lock me in the tower?

In manacles.

You gonna take that Steven?

More.

Listen. We never did get to finish that thing we were gonna do.

Mainly each other.

- Yeah, that's off. - What?

Well, the no dating policy. You know Jack's rule.

Sod the rules. Two days ago you gave me a Polaroid of your naughty bits.

Yeah, I'm gonna need that back.

Oh my God! You- You're shagging another bloke aren't you?

Who is it?

That's private, and deeply personal.

Yeah well look, there's no secrets in this kitchen.

Hey, Albert left you these chocolates.

It's Albert! It's Albert isn't it?

Draw your own conclusions.

That chinless fudge maker!

Oh! That is a slap in the face!

I'm sorry. It's stuck in my head man.

Governor!

I thought you were pulling these off the menu.

Oh the sweetbreads, right right, the sweetbreads.

No! We're not gonna pull those off the menu, they're hot.

- Red hot. - You sold one.

Last week I sold none, so, that's 100% increase.

Well actually chef it's impossible to determine what percentage 0 is of any-

Jim die!

Jack, this is vanity meat.

Oh, so I guess it's vanity to wanna go down in history as the man who,

revolutionized cuisine?

I own 5 restaurants, I'm about to open up a 6th,

I can't afford to indulge you anymore.

Oh! So I guess it's indulgent to wanna lead people to a greater under-standing?

What happened to bringing peo- bringing people my genius?

You said it was a profit.

You know I blame you for this.

Why can't we move these?

I don't know, maybe because they're thymus glands,

and they're disgusting.

This is haute cuisine!

- Haute cuisine? - Yeah.

And if you were a decent waitress

you would actually know how to push them.

Jack?

Look at 'em. She could be pitching 'em naked

with a sparkler out her ass and they still wouldn't sell.

Really? Well maybe we should get a sparkler and find out!

He's insane, and it's nice to finally have someone on my team.

Well, girls gotta stick up for each other.

That's what I'm talking about! Up top!

I have pig's blood on my hand.

We'll do it next time.

Wakie wakie hands off snakie.

Mom?

N ice. Open your eyes.

All this cooking first thing in the morning.

I'm not even alive until noon.

Look at this.

Good?

Fantastic.

I know.

When I had my own place we did a kick ass brunch.

You know if Nolita ever decided to do-

You know how you do brunch?

You take Saturday night's garbage,

you shove it in a fritata

and you serve it with a melon that got balled a week ago.

And people pay 30 bucks a plate for it.

THAT'S how you get your sweetbreads back on the menu.

Ok.

What's in it for you?

I need to be in charge of something.

You can be in charge of this.

I'm already in charge of this.

I want a challenge.

Please.

Ok, but how am I gonna sell brunch to my crew?

Oh come on, you're Jack, you're the big man.

It'll be a piece of cake.

NO!

Hey, it's not me! It's all Pino.

What? My father can't do this. I'll go talk to him.

He'll take your credit cards.

Really he said that?

Don't poke the bear.

He wants me to get up at 6AM to cook eggs?

I don't get up at 6AM!

I go to bed at 6AM

cause I am up all night teasing and pleasing Steven style,

unlike our little chocolaty friend Albert.

Yeah, I see my therapist on Sundays, man you do not want me to miss that.

Brunch is aaaawwful alright?

Babies to your left, babies to your right.

And the old people! Oh my god the old people!

They claw you with their spotty hands!

I don't like it when they die at your sweet 16.

You know what? I say we strike.

- Yeah! - Yeah!

Yes.

What are you doing?

I'm taking a stand ok. We can't let Pino walk all over us!

Let's bolt, right now, screw this job!

Yes! Stand up to my father!

Let's not go crazy ok? I kinda need this job.

You know what, we all do.

Specially you. So you might as well get used to it

because I'm putting you in charge.

- No! - Yes!

Anybody else want some extra duty?

Nope.

Ok.

Fine you win, but I am not making muffins!

Muffins are for people who don't have the nads to order cake for breakfast.

God we're good together.

I know it's crazy right?

Yeah.

Like it came so natural.

I felt like I was really in the moment.

That's enough talk.

Ok.

I'm, uh, we don't have any crayons.

You know another word for hell?

- Brunch. - ...and bacon.

Bacon.

More bacon.

And...a giant booger.

Don't push it! Uncle Steven is still hung over!

There are 2 of you right?

Just checking.

You smell like my step mom.

How long do we have to wait?

Oh I'm so sorry, I just can't find my list.

I'm just gonna do this from memory.

It's the...Chinese couple,

the quiet homosexuals,

the older jewish couple and the younger jewish couple.

Sweetheart, we were before the homosexuals!

Ramon! What is this?

I've seen cleaner plates on stolen cars.

Yeah Ramon!

I set 'em up, you knock'em down!

You and me... we take on the tough guys.

Ramon, my dad.

Yeah I'm kinda busy right now cooking for like a thousand people.

Right right right. So I decided. Not gonna let him pay my rent anymore.

That's nice. Four benedicts up!

Of course I'm gonna need to get a roommate.

You know, someone who gets me.

Yeah. Can I actually get you to get these to table 2?

Yes! Right! Because... you and me, teammates.

I'm outta here.

Girl crush!

Oh Becky I love you! Oh Becky I idolize you!

Oh Becky you're my hero!

That is hilarious T-Smooth.

Yeah, whet did I tell you about the nicknames?

Ok, and I would not be laughing about sad little crushes if I was you.

What? You're not still hung up on Tanya are you?

Even if it's against your "no dating" policy.

- Look what he bought her. - What?

No! Smooth let me have that! Smooth let me have that!

Gimme here. Come here.

Dude, you can't give lingerie till after you've slept together.

Well maybe we did.

Ok we didn't.

These are nice. Very nice.

No loose underwear in the kitchen Ramon ok?

It's a fire hazard.

Jack! Where are you?

I need backup on the lochs.

I cannot believe I am slicing lochs for brunch.

- Put Jim on it. - Jim went AWOL.

- What? - He's with his church group.

You can't go to church group during brunch!

Ok I can't do this anymore.

I mean I want my sweetbreads but it's killing my guys.

Alright take a breath, it's only brunch.

Becky! I told Jim that God wanted him to make waffles.

No! It's killing my guys, and it's a mistake, and it feels wrong!

How does this feel?

- That feels better. - Yeah?

Yeah...

- Wait wait wait. - What?

Put these on.

Ok close your eyes.

- No, I wanna watch. I wanna watch. - Alright then.

- Should I take my clothes off? - No you keep your clothes on.

Don't take your clothes off.

Maybe I should just take my shirt off.

No baby, I'm gonna do it all.

You're all glowing and tussled.

A little rendez vous with Albert the candy man?

You need to move on.

You and Becky are a lot like me and Tanya?

We're just a couple of schmo's.

Of course at least I didn't loose out to a dork like Albert.

Right, that's it.

Uh, pancakes for you, and your fruit and granola.

It was her.

You know, who's breast it came from, isn't really the point.

Do you have children?

No.

Oh that's so sad.

Not even a baby?

No, no, not even a baby.

And you must already be, what, at least- Coffee?

Does a banana nut muffin have nuts?

- Yes! You can't have nuts! - I can't have nuts!

What would you like, mother?

Mother?

I am out!

I have been squirted with breast milk and served eggs to the un-dead.

And 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

Brunch is over!

The kitchen is closed!

Yeah!

I feel like we just rushed a sorority.

Great brunch today guys!

I can't wait to see the energy we bring to dinner tonight.

Oh! Who threw a sock?

Come on, it was alright wasn't it?

Yeah, I have to say, having just been through it, you know,

it wasn't as bad as I thought.

You know I could even get used to it.

- What! - What?

You gave-

Which means-

You-!

What do you know? Shut up! What you think you know?

You and Becky, you're sleeping together, and you're in cahoots!

There's no cahoots!

She has brunch, she does you!

We did brunch cause she did you!

Ok, that's just a theory,

not one word.

You broke my heart.

Not one word.

So I lost my therapy spot,

and thus any hope of reconciliation with my parents.

It's cool though. I guess T-Smooth is gonna go back on his meds people.

T-Smooth? I thought you didn't like nicknames.

I changed my mind, Jimminy Licket.

Are we good?

Oh yeah! I'm good!

I'm a good person.

I'm just standing here as a person of integrity

who does not betray his friends.

Outside right now.

Ok so I found us a place, we'd each have our own room,

with an exposed brick wall but if we want it, you know,

we gotta move fast, we gotta act now.

That's great, you can read each other's diaries and have pillow fights!

Yeah, and you should get one of those see through shower curtains.

Ok! This ends right here, right now.

Ok they said they'd hold it for us until we get the-

- How that feel? - Weird.

You a little uncomfortable around me now?

- Very. - You still wanna be my roommate?

No.

Yes!

I'll be your roommate.

We had an understanding alright?

I know! It's just so hard!

- You gotta keep it together. - Do I?

Or what? I'll disappoint who?

The Lying man?!

Seth, listen to me. I did things,

a lot of things, for reasons that I can't explain to you.

I didn't try to hurt you, no no no no. I know you can't wrap

your head around that right now,

but one day, one day it's all gonna hit you.

- Jack! - What?

Oh my God!

What are you stupid?

Look I'm really sorry but ever since my injury

yesterday my depth perception is completly shot.

You mowed down my pastry guy!

I was pelted, with eggs!

In my eye! It was insane!

Hey Jack.

You ok? Remember, not one word.

Ok? Fell better Seth.

Ok he's good to go.

Jack! You tried to kill Seth because you're sleeping with Becky?

- What! - What?

I-I didn't try to kill Seth,

that's crazy! It was an accident, you-

It was an accident! He said I was sleeping with Becky?

He didn't tell me. Doctor Grossbar told me.

Seth's been going in and out since surgery on his leg.

He also says you're wearing his underwear.

That's really crazy! Obviously he's delusional!

We can't believe anything hat he says!

Of course I'm not wearing his underwear!

No it's just immensly not true. Look I have my own underwear.

I got my tighty whities. He wears those tiger prints.

Give it up.

You traded brunch for sex!

That is low!

I have traded a lot of things for sex,

A LOT, but never brunch.

Ok, I didn't do it just for sex.

I did it for my sweetbreads, and for you guys!

Come on, don't we all benefit from working in a restaurant

that serves my sweetbreads?

Hey, Seth is joining us from the hospital.

Seth, buddy, you're on.

Seth, um, I wanted to send you a card,

but I don't know you're last name.

Nurse, is Seth there?

He's here, he's just a little woozy from the anesthesia.

Come on. Hit me with your best shot.

You're a sell out.

- And a hypocrite. - You saddled us with brunch!

Which demeans the restaurant.

All for your carnal pleasure.

And you blamed my father.

Which is my job.

Because you weren't man enough to tell us the truth.

Ok those are pretty good shots.

And you gave the underwear I bought for Tanya to Becky.

Seth, buddy, you are on speaker phone.

I need 4 more vicodin, and a fruit cup.

Seth, I don't wear underwear.

Oh yeah.

You know Jack,

I don't mind being the bad guy when I am the bad guy,

but I wasn't the bad guy. You were, weren't you?

And now my crew hates me.

So let's forget brunch.

Oh no, that's our most profitable meal.

Viva la brunch. You see? Now I'm the bad guy.

Of course you're gonna have to find somebody else

to cook your pancakes for you.

I'm sorry?

Yes I'm moving Becky to my new restaurant.

She told me to let the brunch be her audition and, she got the part.

Really?

So this was all about you getting your own kitchen again.

And great sex with a great guy.

God!

There's nothing you won't do to get what you want.

Sound like anyone you know?

N ope.

Cash bonuses Jack.

The brunch was such a success I want everyone to share in it's bounty.

You see? Now I'm the good guy. It's very confusing isn't it?

And I'm the sell out?

Yes! We're all sell outs!

So, how was she?

Fantastic.

Shut up! I don't wanna hear about it!

Tell me more.

I grew up in London town, mummy said to me.

Bonjour Albert.

It was an accident!

Really! I didn't even see you there!

Oh that's good chocolate.

What is that? **

Yeah it is.

Are you gonna hurt me?

Yes I am.

No!

And now I'm gonna finish your chocolate.