Original subtitles

It was pretty cool of Milton's parents

to let him have his party here at the go-kart track.

It's better than last year when he had his party

at the same time as his little sister's.

Teddy bear theme in the front yard,

pirate theme in the backyard.

Hey, I thought his sister's pirate party was a blast.

Whoo.

I think I'm gonna sit it out for a while.

My stomach is up in my throat after that last ride.

I didn't see you out on the go-kart track.

Oh, I wasn't.

I was over in the rocket ship by the ball pit.

They should put a safety warning on that thing.

Guys, you gotta check this out.

The driver in the blue kart is tearing up the track.

- (tires screeching) - (engines revving)

Whoa. It looks like he might break the course record.

You know, I could have broke the course record

if Jerry wasn't driving the wrong way and crashed me into the wall.

Hey, I was going the wrong way

because I dropped my corn dog at the start line.

And my family lives by a code.

(speaking Spanish)

What's that mean?

No corn dog left behind.

Oh, he's on his last lap.

It's gonna be close.

Announcer: Three minutes and 21 seconds.

that's a new track record, folks.

- Oh. That was awesome. - That was amazing.

That was Kim?

Kim, you can really drive.

Were you trying to break the course record?

No, I just really gotta go to the bathroom.

Yo, check it out. There's my corn dog.

- No, Jerry. No! - No, Jerry. Don't!

(cars crash)

(Jerry groans)

Got it.

(theme music)

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we could have a ball Run up the wall ♪

♪ That's just how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

♪ Here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ Chop it up like it's karate ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we could have a ball Run up the wall ♪

♪ That's just how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

Like my shirt?

I got it from Carol Miller for my birthday.

(clicking tongue)

You know, a girl doesn't give a boy a turtleneck

unless she's trying to say something.

(clicking tongue)

Maybe she's trying to say you have an ugly neck.

(gasps, clicking tongue)

Hey, did you guys see what's in Phil's window?

Oh, are you talking about the cockroaches trying to claw their way to freedom?

No. This flyer.

Oh, the Junior National 500 Go-kart Race

is being held here at the Seaford Racetrack.

Kim, you've got to do this.

Guys, do you know how much money that would take?

I mean, the go-kart, the pit crew, highlights for my hair.

What? When I win, I'm gonna look good doing it.

Guys, all we need is a sponsor.

Yeah. That's not gonna be a problem.

Oh, we'll just wait for some crazy man with a lot of money

to come rolling in here.

I'll have a number seven platter.

Oh, and can you make change for this giant sapphire?

Oh, you know what? Just keep it.

Oh, good, Milton.

You've finally covered up that ugly turkey neck of yours.

Bobby, how would you like to sponsor a go-kart team?

Absolutely not.

We'll put your face on the kart.

I'm in. Daddy loves his face.

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Come on! ♪

Hey, Rudy.

I just came by to have you sign a petition I'm starting

to name you the world's sexiest sensei.

Uh, I'd have to be pretty full of myself to sign my own pet...

Do you have a pen?

Yes.

Wait, this is from your school.

You didn't finish your community service?

And now, thanks to your signature, I won't have to.

Jerry, volunteering is very important.

Everyone should do it.

Let me ask you,

when was the last time you did something for your fellow man?

I mean, just today, I was at clown burger

and some lady walked away and left her cheeseburger on the counter.

That's great. So you ran after her and you gave it back?

Oh, no, I ate it immediately knowing she wouldn't want it to go to waste.

(sighs sharply)

Jerry, volunteering can be very rewarding.

What was it that you were supposed to do?

I was supposed to bring meals and help out some old man.

Well, not only are you gonna do it,

but I'm gonna go with you.

Wow, Rudy.

You have a huge heart, huh?

I love helping people.

(cellphone rings)

- Oh, sorry. - (beeps)

Hello, mother?

Ooh. That sounds painful.

No, no, no, I can't.

No, I can't.

Just pack it in ice and drive yourself to the hospital.

Come on, Jerry.

Let's go help some people.

Oh, hey. Kim, check it out.

When you sign up for the big race tomorrow,

you get one of these cool pens.

(engine revs)

It's a "Vroom Vroom" pen. (chuckles)

Look, Jack, I don't care about some cheesy pen.

What I care about is you coming down here to support me.

I mean, it really shows how important I am to you.

And you just want me to shut up so you can play with your pen, don't you?

So badly.

(engine revs)

Hi, I'm Luc Monaco.

Chairman of the Racing Association.

Looking to sign up for a race, son?

Uh, actually, uh, I'm gonna be the one racing.

Hence the highlights.

You can't race in this division.

You're a girl. Tell her, dad.

Tad's right. You're a girl!

Which means you have to race in the girls' division, hon.

But my time is better than almost everyone in the boys' division, hon.

You could put on one of those cute little outfits

and wave the checkered flag when I win.

You'd look really good in one--

But that's not the point.

She has every right to race with the guys.

Not gonna happen.

You know,

you may have taken away my ability to race,

but you will never take away my "Vroom Vroom" pen.

Those pens are for racers only.

Fine.

(grunts)

One "Vroom Vroom" pen for the little lady.

- Thank you. - (engine revs)

You're a smart man.

(loudly) Hello, Harvey.

I'm Rudy, and this is Jerry.

And we're your volunteers.

I'm not deaf!

And you're late.

(groans)

This turkey sandwich is supposed to come with chips.

Uh, it's the boy's fault.

Rudy, you ate those--

Respect your elders, Jerry.

Am I right, Harv?

All right.

Let's just get to your chores.

One of you has to help me with my pottery,

the other one has to plunge the toilet.

Pottery, pottery, pottery!

You don't want to switch, do you?

No, I certainly do not.

All right, you work this with your hands till you get it nice and soft.

So I can sculpt my cups.

That's my hobby.

(grunts)

You know, this clay feels kind of weird.

What kind is it?

Clay? What clay?

- That's my earwax. - (spits)

I want to switch, Rudy! I want to switch!

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

Hey.

Bobby have any luck finding a new driver for our kart?

No, but I know of someone.

- Great. Who? - You, Jack.

You've got the high score at that racing game at Phil's, Spin Out.

And you've got amazing reflexes.

You know what? You're right.

And it would be fun to wipe that smug smile off tad's face.

He embarrassed Kim.

Maybe I'll embarrass him.

And I did just get highlights.

Bobby: Guys, guys.

Guys, I was searching all over the track

and I found two excellent candidates to drive our kart.

Oh, well--

I want you to help me decide.

This is Mike the Missile.

(Bobby chuckles)

And this is Tonga!

Both: Whoa.

Behold...

The Wasabi kart.

- Wow. - All right.

Oh. (chuckles)

What was I thinking?

Now that I see them next to the kart,

clearly, there is only one man for this job.

Mike, take a hike.

Tonga, she's all yours, champ.

Hang on a second. Team Wasabi already has a driver.

Me.

And I'm gonna win.

I'll thank you to get your big giant freak foot

off of my beautiful face!

Oh, look at me.

I'm gorgeous!

- Bobby: Go, go! - Milton: Jack, go.

Both: Ooh.

(screeching)

Very smart, Jack.

He's repeatedly trying to drive through the wall

to find a shortcut across the track.

You know he's crashing, right?

You live in your world, I'll live in mine.

(tires screeching)

Gah! Tad Monaco just won, and some guy named Cam came in second.

You know, that was a very different experience than the video game.

If I'd have just made it around that first wall,

I think I'd have really taken off.

Yeah, right into that second wall.

Oh, hey, buddy. That was nice driving.

Uh...

You must be European. (chuckles)

Jack, it's me, Kim.

Kim, hey.

I didn't know Jack was European.

♪ kickin' it with you! ♪

You know, I'm just posing as a boy

to get into the Junior National 500 and make a point.

You guys, Kim's right.

People should judge you based on ability,

not whether you're a boy or a girl.

Which is why I am trying out for those girly curly shampoo commercials.

- No, you're not. - No, I'm not.

Kim has no chance in that crummy rental kart.

Kim.

Would you do me the great favor of racing my face?

Bobby...

I'd be honored.

All right, guys.

If we're gonna pull this off, Kim,

from now on, you're gonna have to act like a dude.

Jack, trust me. I got this.

Team Wasabi?

All: Team Wasabi!

Oh, my gosh, I'm so excited. This is gonna be so much fun.

I mean, let's do this.

♪ Here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ Chop it up like it's karate ♪

(groans)

I can't believe he's got us cleaning out his refrigerator.

It's disgusting in there.

Oh, I don't know.

Looks like he's got some pretty interesting eats in here.

Don't leave that refrigerator open.

I have a sample of something I need to bring to the doctor.

(gags)

And when you're finished with that, throw out this box of junk.

(Harvey groans)

Whoa.

Jerry, check it out.

He's got a first edition Captain Ka-Boom comic book.

Who's Captain Ka-Boom?

Only the toughest, baddest superhero there ever was.

What's up with his funky utility belt?

No, no, that's his fanny pack.

It's where he keeps his super pixie dust that he throws into villains' faces.

After he does it, he just giggles and skips away.

Sounds awesome.

You know, this comic's probably worth a bunch of money.

We should tell Harvey.

Hey, Harvey.

You know that box?

I said throw it out.

Yeah, but we found something--

I said throw it out, you!

Oh, look!

He's got a Captain Ka-Boom action figure.

Listen, when you pull the string, he says his catchphrase.

Captain Ka-Boom: That's it. You're getting Ka-boomed!

- (chimes) - (coughs)

As your official pit crew,

Bobby and I are gonna make your kart the best it can be.

Come on, Bobby.

Let's rotate the tires.

The key to a good crew is working together.

Now, Milton and I, we are a well-oiled machine.

Done.

Nice teamwork.

So you're Team Wasabi's new driver Cam, huh?

Yeah, he sure is.

That's my boy, cam.

Main man.

He's a guy.

Well, at least this time, you got a dude.

Before you, they had some blonde chick.

I mean, what was she gonna do?

- Ask for directions? - Right.

Oh, you are gonna--

Uh, I'll tell you this about that blonde chick.

She was smart and pretty and knew how to keep her cool.

(clicks)

Whatever. I'm gonna win this thing.

Come on, guys.

Kim, you gotta relax.

You can't let jerks like that get to you.

Oh, he didn't.

I just can't wait to get out there and take his--

(drill whirs)

- then I'm gonna-- - (drill whirs)

- until he-- - (drill whirs)

Now, let's go win this race.

I thought it was best you boys didn't hear all that.

(drill whirs)

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Come on! ♪

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

I can't believe we got a thousand bucks for that comic.

I'm gonna use my money to buy a jet ski.

I'm gonna look so cool pulling up to school on it.

(chuckles)

I'll just take the rest of Harvey's junk and throw it out.

Huh.

Look at this.

My dog Ernie.

The best friend a man ever had.

Oh, look at Harvey.

He's doing something we've never seen him do.

Both: He's smiling.

What?

Well, this must be why he's so miserable.

He lost the only friend he ever had.

That's so sad.

Are you crying?

No.

- Are you? - No.

Good. Then neither one of us are crying.

(both sniffle)

- (whimpers) - (sobs)

(engines revving)

(rock music playing)

(buzzer beeps)

(tires screech)

(screeching continues)

Milton, she's not gonna make that turn.

You'd better tell her to slow down.

Kim Cam,

you're coming in hot for a turn and burn.

Don't clutch much. Watch the throttle, baby needs a bottle.

Gotta slow down the hoedown.

- Give me that. - What?

Kim, you're going way too fast.

I just said that.

I'm pumping the brakes but nothing's happening.

(grunts)

She's going too fast. She's gonna bounce off the wall.

She's not gonna bounce off the wall.

I just bounced off the wall!

Jack: Whoa. Slow her down.

Oh, no. Your brake line must be damaged.

Oh, it's more than that. The brakes are destroyed.

Uh-oh. Is that bad?

It means the race is over.

Oh, did we win?

No, it means Kim can't finish the race.

What?

You're not gonna want to hear this.

(drill whirs)

It's not really working out with you and the other genius.

I don't like you, and I requested a couple of new volunteers.

You poor, lonely old man.

(stuttering) Hey, what are you...

What are you doing? Get off of me!

Look, we know why you are the way that you are.

You haven't had a real friend in a very long time.

(scoffs)

(dog whining)

Harvey, this is your new friend, Casey.

Oh. Look at you, boy.

You're beautiful.

Aw, thank you.

But what about the dog?

I was talking about the dog.

Come to papa. Yeah, yeah. (mumbles)

- Dude. - Jerry, we did a good thing today.

Hey, you know that feeling you said I'd get from volunteering?

I'm feeling it right here.

- (Casey barking) - Harvey: No, boy.

No, that's my turkey sandwich.

Why are you looking at me that way?

Down, boy.

(screams)

Uh, should we go in there and help?

(Harvey yells)

No. We should probably just call someone for help.

Good call.

Kim, you have no brakes.

You can't race.

But I have to beat Tad.

I'm sorry, but without brakes, you'll just spin out.

Wait, that's it.

Guys, you know the game I play at Falafel Phil's called Spin Out?

Really? You think this is a good time to brag about your high score?

No, listen. Sometimes, in the game, you lose your brakes

and the only way to make a turn

is by doing something called the Daytona Drift.

Oh, the Daytona-what-now?

It's a racing move where you slam on the gas

and yank the steering wheel away from the turn.

Got it.

No!

Bobby, she'll be fine.

Who cares?

She just ran over all my piggies.

(tires screech)

(tense music)

- (tires screeching) - (thuds)

All right, Kim.

You're gaining ground, but here comes the big turn.

Jack, it's just a game.

This is never gonna work.

Well, you have a better idea?

Start drifting, baby.

Whoa. Ah, give me that.

What happens in the game if you can't drift?

You slam into the wall and your car explodes.

Kim, you got this.

(tires screeching)

- (cheering) - Yes!

Kim, you did it. You were amazing.

That was crazy. What were you thinking?

- Whoa! - (grunts)

Jack: Yes!

That was some of the greatest driving I have ever seen.

Congratulations, son.

Actually, uh...

- I'm a girl. - (whimpers)

This dude's a girl?

That's illegal.

You know, so is removing somebody's brake line.

Tad.

Who cares about her brakes?

She shouldn't have been racing which means I won.

No, you lost. And you cheated.

I'm suspending you from racing for a year.

The trophy goes to Kim.

From now on, you qualify, you race,

whether you're a boy or a girl.

(Milton and Kim chuckles)

The good news is I fixed the kart.

I tightened up the brakes so we'll be ready for the next race.

Uh, but Bobby, you don't know what you're doing.

I certainly do! (screams)

(crashing)

Oh.

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

How's Milton doing?

I don't think he's gonna make it.

Come on, Milton. You can do it. You're almost there.

Both: Come on, come on.

(dings)

Milton: Oh!

- I did it! I did it! - (cheering)

Milton: I didn't fall off once.

In your face, Donald.

I'm going again.

Whoa.

(closing theme music)

Man: Poor soul.

(dog snarls, barks)

Boy: Yes!