Original subtitles

(upbeat music)

All right, let's bring up our class valedictorian,

Milton Krupnick.

Milton?

(applause)

Yeah, Milton!

When I was three,

I remember looking up at the moon with a sense of wonder.

Whoo! Great speech, Milton!

I'll get the car.

Rudy.

We are here to support Milton graduating from the Junior Astronaut Program.

We are staying until the end.

And now, a poem.

Get the car.

Milton: Space, oh, space...

You're into space?

Yeah, me too.

I'm gonna be the first guy to walk on the sun.

I know what you're thinking, "It's too hot."

I'm going at night. (clicks tongue)

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to interrupt.

We're not. Where were you two hours ago?

I just got off the phone with the president,

and he's informed me that our friends, the Russians,

are planning on sending a 17-year-old boy into space!

Wait, what?

That would be the youngest astronaut ever.

That's a record that we've held for years,

and we intend on keeping it!

General Jones, what are you saying?

I am saying that you, Milton D. Krupnick,

are going into space!

(cheering)

Holy Christmas nuts!

(theme music)

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we could have a ball Run up the wall ♪

♪ That's just how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

♪ Here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ Chop it up like it's karate ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we could have a ball Run up the wall ♪

♪ That's just how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

(upbeat music)

I can't believe General Jones convinced my mom

to let me go into outer space.

That's the same woman who makes me wear floaties

when I run through the sprinklers.

Your floatie days are over, Milton.

You're better than everyone else.

You're an astronaut now.

That's why we had to give you the whole new look.

(leather squeaking)

Gunnar, thanks for taking me shopping, but I'm not sure I can pull this off.

Sure you can. You look great.

No, I literally can't pull these pants off.

I've had them on for two days.

Milton, you're in the Space Program now, okay?

You gotta walk the walk.

You know, Milton, things are gonna be different now.

We didn't even have to pay for that meal.

We may have eaten at Phil's for free,

but trust me, we're gonna pay for that meal.

Ugh. Smell something burning.

Oh, it's just my pants. I think I was walking too fast.

You know, being an astronaut's a whole new way of life, Milton.

Check this out.

(clears throat)

I'm Gunnar Nelson, astronaut.

(scoffs)

I'm not gonna rely on my title just to get girls.

I'll just rely on the old Krupnick charm.

Hey, girls.

I mean, they don't have to know that I'm an astronaut.

Whoa. Right here.

Yeah. That's the charm--

Milton, I'm gonna say something

I never thought I'd have to say in my life.

Uh...

You gotta help me get girls.

(groans)

I can't make you an astronaut, Jerry.

No, but you can get me a job at the Space Center,

so I can get one of those magic lady badges.

I'll talk to the General, but you gotta do me a favor.

Anything.

Help me get these pants off.

I really gotta go to the bathroom.

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

(Rudy groans)

Ooh.

Rudy, how you doing?

Oh, not good.

You know, I had a weird dream last night

I had a baby alien in me,

and now I got the shakes

and my stomach feels like a roller coaster.

(groans)

What is happening to me?

(yells)

Somebody help me!

Rudy: Help me!

(groaning)

Rudy, we know about the new movie makeup and special effects store in the mall.

You should have seen your faces.

I totally got you!

Ooh, ooh! Here comes Murray.

I'm gonna go scare him.

(groans)

What's the matter, Rudy?

Oh, it's my stomach.

I think I have an alien in me!

That alien doesn't scare me.

Have you ever seen my wife?

Come on. Your wife is--

So what's new, Murray?

Oh, my bingo game is in the toilet.

I was one game away from winning a trip to Spain.

I was gonna run with the bulls.

Anyway, this Bernice shows up about three weeks ago

and she wins every game.

Every game.

A hundred and twelve straight.

A hundred and twelve wins?

Yep.

Well, doesn't that seem a little odd, Rudy?

Yeah, it certainly does.

Do you want us to come down there and check it out for you?

Oh, thanks. I knew my friends would help me out.

(screams)

I love that new store.

So it sounds to me like you're saying they don't exist.

We only have time for one more question, Chappy.

And it cannot be related to hot alien space women.

Oh. All right.

No.

Definitely no.

I have no more questions.

Uh, excuse me, General,

were you able to find a job for my friend Jerry?

Milton, your friend may be the least qualified applicant I've ever seen.

But as a favor to you, I found him a job.

(rock music)

Jerry's going to be watching my wife's cat Wiggy,

while she's out of town.

And I love this little furball.

I got my badge, yo.

Come on, Milton. I'm throwing you a party.

It's gonna be crazy!

There's gonna be celebrities, supermodels,

and I even have a statue of you carved out of cheddar cheese.

Oh, that's pretty ironic for a boy who's lactose intolerant.

Dude, I'm in.

Let me just go change Wiggy's litter box.

Yeah, Milton,

Jerry doesn't really belong at your party, okay?

He's not one of us.

But Jerry's my best friend.

Well then, maybe you should be the one to tell him he can't come.

Jerry: Whoo!

Yo, sorry it took so long.

Look at the size of this hairball, man. It was a real struggle to get it out.

Wiggy finally coughed that up?

Oh, no, I did.

That's the price you pay when you lick your own pits.

All right, let's hit this party.

Uh, Jerry?

See, the thing is, um...

Uh, you're not really an astronaut,

so you can't come to the party.

I'm sorry.

Oh.

I see.

What was I thinking?

Me going to an astronaut's party?

No. It's fine.

No, I'll just stay here and share a can of Furry Feast

with Wiggy the Cat.

Jerry, you know your badge allows you to eat in the cafeteria.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't leave Wiggy alone.

'Cause he's my friend.

You don't do that to a-- (choking)

(gags)

All right.

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

Bernice just got in line behind you.

You think she's involved in some kind of hanky-panky?

I don't know.

But winning 112 games in a row smells like hanky.

And where you find hanky, you're gonna find panky.

Hey, Murray. Here's your card.

- Oh, thank you. - You got it.

Hey, sorry, folks.

Can't let you in.

We've got a strict over-65 policy.

Oh, no, it's okay. We're with Murray.

Don't care.

Very strict policy.

Hey, Ma. Come on in.

Kept your regular spot for you.

Hey, you hear that?

He just called Bernice his mother.

They're definitely up to something.

We gotta get in there, but how?

I got it.

Okay, let's go to the new store in the mall.

Well, what are they gonna do?

You'll see.

(in elderly voice) I can't wait to play bingo.

I'm feeling lucky, baby.

Hey, slow down, you two.

Where's the fire?

(Wiggy meows)

Jerry: Come on, Wiggy.

Where are you?

You don't belong in here.

I got an open can of Furry Feast for you.

(Wiggy meows)

Jerry: Aha!

Bad kitty.

Now, you shouldn't be in here.

Only astronauts allowed.

No, we couldn't possibly be smart enough to be astronauts

and figure out how to press a bunch of buttons.

- (buttons clicking) - (engine powering up)

(door closes)

Automated Voice: Launch sequence initiated.

- (alarm blaring) - Wiggy...

Please tell me you said that.

(meows)

- (Wiggy screeches) - (screams)

(Jerry screams)

(upbeat music)

Sir, you should have been at that party.

The music was bumping so loud,

the floor was vibrating like you launched the shuttle.

Milton: Do you know somebody launched the shuttle?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Somebody manually launched it from inside.

General Jones: We're establishing communications now.

Who would be stupid enough to--

Whoo!

Holy Christmas nuts!

Come here, Wiggy. (chuckles)

Sweet rings of Saturn!

He's got my wife's Wiggy!

- (Wiggy meows) - Meow.

General, what are we gonna do?

Don't worry.

General Jones: I won't lose you. I'm bringing you home.

Oh. Thank you, sir.

I was talking to the cat.

Now you listen up, son.

I'm going to talk you in.

General Jones: First thing's first.

If you look to your left,

you will see a large green button.

Got it.

- (alarm blaring) - Whatever you do, don't press it.

Huh? (screams)

You might want to lead with what I'm not supposed to do.

Oh, he short-circuited the electrical system,

blew the fuel cells,

and caused a giant hole in the heat shields.

The shuttle's too damaged.

It'll never survive re-entry.

There's no way to bring my little Wiggy home.

(yells)

Seaford, we have a problem.

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

(in normal voice) Rudy: You and I will watch Bernice.

Kim, you keep an eye on Zeke.

Should we tell Murray it's us?

No, that's the worst thing you can do.

The man has absolutely no ability to keep a secret.

I have a mole on my butt

the size of a pumpkin.

- Hello. - Hey.

Hi, I'm Bernice.

Would you two fellas like a gingersnap?

(in elderly voice) Oh, no thank you.

I'm still full from lunch.

I had a corned beef sandwich that was so tender

I didn't even have to put my teeth in.

(laughs)

That's nothing.

You know what I had for lunch?

A double prune smoothie.

Now that's the gift that just keeps on giving.

(all laughing)

Ooh, I like turtles.

Don't touch my lucky turtle.

Gingersnap?

So, uh, Mission Control,

you guys gonna tell me how to bring this baby back down or what?

General Jones: Jerry, you're in a situation

we call C-411-7.

Oh, that doesn't sound so bad.

Jerry: Now let's see here.

Okay, uh, C-411-7.

"Bend over and kiss your butt goodbye."

Hmm.

I mean, I don't see how that's gonna help, but I'll give it a shot.

Jerry...

Things aren't good.

We don't have a way to get you back.

But I want to come back.

I mean, there's no food up here, Milton. I'll starve.

Don't worry about starving, Jerry.

Once you lose pressure in the cabin

- your head will pop off like that so... - (pops)

(whimpers)

Get him out of here!

Now!

Jerry, this is all my fault.

Milton: I should have just taken you to the party with me.

If word gets out about this, it'll be an international embarrassment.

We have to stage a massive cover-up.

This is Chappy Chapman reporting from the scene

of what appears to be a massive cover-up.

- There is no cover-up! - Huh.

And even if there is, I'm in no way responsible for it.

Huh! There you have it.

That's General Jones, clearly jumping ship from the biggest scandal

in SASA history.

Back to you, Brittany.

Out!

That's it.

Jump ship.

Jerry, you're coming home 'cause you're gonna jump.

Hoo-rah!

What?

I'm sorry, did you say "jump"?

(upbeat music)

B...

Seven.

(in normal voice) That's ten numbers in a row.

And Bernice keeps tapping that turtle.

It must be connected by a wire.

Kim: Rudy.

I've been watching Zeke,

and he keeps switching the bingo balls so Bernice always gets a match.

That's how they do it.

She uses the turtle to tell him what number she needs.

And then, he switches the balls to match it.

Exactly.

Excuse me.

Everyone.

Put down your markers.

I've got something to say about Bernice.

Well, if it's about her gingersnaps, we know.

They're dry.

No, it's about the scam.

She won the last 112 games

because she's cheating.

How dare you!

Boys.

Uh, maybe you could explain why there's a wire

coming from under the table to your turtle.

I think it's time for you three to leave.

You probably shouldn't have done that, sonny boy.

(grunting)

(grunting continues)

(laughs)

You guys should get some stronger tables.

(grunts)

Help your brother out of there.

Come on. Come on.

- (groans) - Bernice: Come on.

I taught you boys better than this. Get along.

Rudy, Jack, Kim.

I can't believe you did this for us.

Now, let's get back to bingo.

I've got a trip to Spain to win.

- (cell phone rings) - Wait.

Guys, turn on the TV.

I just got a text that Jerry is all over the news.

News?

Jerry Martinez is about to jump

from the space shuttle and freefall back to Earth.

I think I speak for the entire nation when I say,

we only hope that boy's lifeless body

does not land on my new car.

Back to you, Brittany.

Milton: Okay, Jerry.

You got the space suit on?

Yeah.

This is just a simple freefall 11 miles from space back to Earth.

Oh.

I thought it was gonna be dangerous.

When you enter the Earth's atmosphere

and break the sound barrier, you'll hear a big boom.

Don't let it scare you.

Milton, I'm afraid.

Don't be.

(sighs)

When you reach 5000 feet, pull the rip cord,

and the parachute will float you safely back to Earth.

Milton: And I'll be in radio contact with you the whole way.

Wasabi?

Wasabi.

(tense music)

(whimpers)

Milton: Jerry?

How you leave the ship is going to determine your trajectory

for the entire descent.

You've got to be smooth.

Just lean forward and let gravity do the work.

Got it.

All right, here we go.

Ooh.

One...

Whoo.

Two...

Three!

Ow!

(screams)

Come on, kid! We're rooting for you!

Did the boy jump yet?

He's about to enter the atmosphere and break the sound barrier.

(screams)

(static)

We lost radio communication.

Where'd he go?

Jerry, where are you?

Oh, this isn't good.

Come on, Jerry.

Whoo!

(duck quacks)

Oh, he's okay!

- He's okay! - All right!

(cheering)

Yeah!

All right, Jerry, look for landmarks.

Do you see anything you recognize?

Oh, oh, I can see the school football field from here.

Good. Aim for that.

Recovery party, move out!

Hey, where do you think Jerry's gonna land?

Well, if the jet stream gets hold of him,

he could land in Mexico,

Iceland, Florida.

(crashing)

South America.

New York.

He's right behind you.

Bingo hall. That was next on my list.

Jerry!

Dude, we're so glad to have you back.

Jerry!

Milton.

Dude, I'm so sorry I went into space instead of you.

I'm just glad you're okay.

Welcome back, Jerry.

Of course, for me, it's bittersweet because somewhere up in space...

is my wife's little Wiggy!

No, it's not, sir.

(suit unzips)

(meows)

I was jumping for two.

You, my boy,

have the right stuff to be an astronaut.

Doesn't he, Colonel Wiggy?

Hey, guys, let's go to Phil's and celebrate.

On me.

- Oh, okay. - Okay.

All right. Thanks, man.

Jerry.

There's another party for astronauts.

It'd be great if you came, being a... (clears throat)

...hero and everything.

No thanks, Gunnar.

I'm gonna go hang out with my real friends.

- Okay. - Ahh.

Hey, ladies.

You know who this is?

- World-famous astronaut Gunnar Nelson. - Oh, hello.

Thank you.

- Oh, just-- - (women cooing)

(Gunnar shouting) No, no, no!

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

Ohh! We're really proud of you, Jerry.

Yeah, you should be.

You know, the General says I'm eligible for a purple heart.

Wait, isn't that when you get injured in the line of duty?

Do you have any idea what that cat did to me

when we broke the sound barrier?

Oh!

(closing theme music)

Man: Poor soul.

(dog snarls, barks)

Boy: Yes!