Original subtitles

(upbeat music)

Ooh, our commercial is on!

Hello, I'm Rudy Gillespie, the sensei of the Bobby Wasabi Dojo.

Oh, no, some bully just stole my calculator.

I wish I knew karate.

I'll teach you. (fake whispers)

Thank you, handsome sensei.

(fabric rips)

Hey, you, give me my calculator back.

(grunting)

Oh, no.

You must have learned karate at the Bobby Wasabi Dojo,

conveniently located at 3316 Ma... (gulps)

...Main Street.

(high-pitched scream)

Hey, I was watching you from over...

there.

What do you call those moves you do so well?

They are called karate, friend.

Because life without it... just doesn't add up.

Wow, you wear karate well.

- Can I please be your girlfriend now? - (bell dings)

Sign up today!

Call 1-5-5-5-0-1-ya!

Oh, yeah!

See, now everyone in Seaford will know that I'm the King of Karate.

Uh, Rudy, you may want to see this.

I'm Chuck Banner, the Karate King!

Chuck: And if you love America,

you'll sign up at my new Seaford Karate King Dojo today!

Hiyah! Call within the next 30 minutes

and you'll receive this free Karate King clock.

Men and ladies love waking up next to me.

What time is it?

- Half past awesome. - (explodes)

- Jerry, what are you doing? - I'm getting that clock.

I want one too.

(scoffs) Please, guys, Chuck Banner is a joke.

Jack is right.

Nobody is calling Karate King from my dojo!

- But-- - You guys go stretch out. Get to work.

- Oh, Rudy. - All right.

Fine.

(whispering) Yes, hello.

Can I order one of those free Chuck Banner Clocks?

Wait, what? Ninety-nine dollars for shipping and handling?

I'll take two!

(theme music)

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we could have a ball Run up the wall ♪

♪ That's just how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

♪ Here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ Chop it up like it's karate ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we could have a ball Run up the wall ♪

♪ That's just how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

(upbeat music)

Hey, Rudy, there's something I want to talk to you about.

Hang on, I just have to finish my Shin Do practice.

Okay, I'm good.

Check it out. The big sensei tournament

is going to be at the Seaford Civic Center.

The final round is going to be televised.

Oh.

Winning this tournament in my hometown would be even better publicity

than when I became a hero by jumping into the bay

and saving that man in a wheelchair.

He was only in the bay because your car bumped into him--

A hero!

I was thinking that

maybe I could enter the tournament.

What?

(chuckles) Jack, you're not a sensei.

Rudy, I'm a second-degree black belt, I win all of my tournaments,

I really think I'm ready to take the next step.

Jack, just because you have a donkey in the barn

doesn't mean you know how to plow a field.

- What does that mean? - No idea.

Now the point is there's just so much more I have to teach you.

Do you want to learn the ancient martial art

of Shin Do?

(scoffs) I Shin-don't.

- It looks lame. - Lame?

You harness your opponent's energy and use it against them.

Rudy, why would I do that when I can do this?

(grunts)

Jack, there's more to being a sensei than flying sidekicks.

It requires a level of maturity that you have yet to achieve.

- (door opens) - Ooh! Ooh! They're here, they're here!

(excited squeals)

- (laughs) - Chuck: It's time to kick butt! Hiyah!

It's time to kick butt! Hiyah!

Oh, Chuck Banner is a poser, but this clock is "half past awesome"!

All three of these foods are brown.

How do I know which is which?

The broccoli's got the congealed fat,

the mac and cheese has got the mold,

and the pot roast's got the fat and the mold.

Uh, look at Jerry's meatball. It's like a rock.

No, it's not.

- (thuds) - You can eat a rock.

You know what? Something has got to be done

about the food in the cafeteria. I am sick of it.

- Marge? - You guys want seconds?

All: No!

Look, Marge, there's no nice way to put this,

so I'm just going to be blunt.

Marge, your food stinks.

There better be another woman named Marge standing right behind me.

We want better food!

Hey, am I right, people?

(chanting) Better food! Better food!

- Better food! Better food-- - Oh, that's it!

You think it's easy putting 500 lukewarm meals out every day?

Peeling onions, chopping carrots, erasing expiration dates.

You know what? You guys don't appreciate me?

I'm outta here. I'm removing my apron,

my gloves, and my hairnet-- Where's my hairnet?

Uh, where...

It's in my soup.

Gimme that! (grunts)

Come on, people, let's go. (snaps)

Hey, guys, you know what?

With Marge gone,

Principal Funderburk is gonna have to find a new replacement.

So trust me, this is gonna work out great.

I can't believe we're the new lunch ladies.

I can't believe I have to wear a hairnet.

I can't believe I have to wear three.

(upbeat music)

Hey! I recognize you from your commercial.

Oh! Thanks. You know, we're really proud--

It was horrible.

But you were good.

Well, thank you.

You're, uh, you're Chuck Banner, the Karate King.

How'd you know? (chuckles)

Just a guess.

Jack, you remind me of Young Me.

I remind you of you?

No, Young Me, the Chinese Grandmaster.

He was a sensei at 16.

Wait, really?

Well, I'm 16, but I'm not a sensei.

Well, you know what I say to that? Boo hoo.

You gonna cry?

No. Boo Hoo, the black belt

whose master never let him become a sensei.

You come over to Karate King and I'll make you a sensei.

And with that comes honor, prestige, and ka-ching.

Let me guess.

Ka Ching is another sensei who works for you?

Ka-ching is an expression for making a whole lot of money.

What's wrong with you?

(mouths) What?

♪ Kickin' it with you ♪

As you all know, they're holding a sensei tournament right here in Seaford.

And one student amongst you has risen above all the others.

I think someone's about to become a sensei.

(chuckles)

- Jack, I would like to officially ask-- - Rudy, hang on one second.

I'd like to say something first.

Although I'm about to become a sensei,

I will always be your friend-sei.

Jack, I was gonna ask you

if you'd be my cornerman in the tournament.

What?

You want me to empty your spit bucket and carry your shoes?

Congratulations, friend-sei.

(upbeat music)

Ooh!

Ahh, Chicken Florentine with mushroom risotto.

Now that's a lunch.

Great! We're just going to need 499 more plates.

What?

(gasps) It took me five hours to make this one!

What? What are we gonna do? We gotta feed them something.

(whimpering)

Who's ready to serve up some famous Martinez gumbo ya-ya?

I can't believe it! This stuff smells so good.

Jerry, you saved us!

I didn't know you knew how to make gumbo.

Ah, gumbo is just a Cajun word for...

(Cajun accent) ..."Throw it in there."

Yeah, a little bullion, a little onion, a little chick-on...

(regular voice) ...and some ketchup.

Excuse me. (grunts)

(growls)

Whatever is in that pot just growled at me.

(growls)

This gumbo's fighting back.

- (splashes) - (rumbles)

Ah, don't worry, I'll get it. (sighs)

(shrieks) Help! Ah, help!

I'm in a bit of a situation.

- Stop! Aah! Aah! - (growling)

(upbeat music)

Good, Jack, I'm glad you're here.

Let's work on our spit bucket technique.

If I get dazed out there,

spit could be coming at you from every angle.

So, try to follow my mouth.

I'm not gonna be your cornerman, Rudy.

(gurgles) What do you mean

you're not going to be my cornerman?

I'm gonna be competing.

What?

(scoffs) You can't compete.

It's only for senseis.

I am a sensei.

At Karate King.

- You're a who at where now? - I'll see you later, Rudy.

Wha...

Chuck: (through clock) It's time to kick butt! Hiyah!

- It's time to kick butt! Hiyah! - Aw, shut it!

Chuck: It's time to kick butt! Hiyah! It's time to kick butt!

- Hiyah! It's time to kick-- - (grunts)

- It's time to kick butt! Hiyah! - (screams)

It's time to kick butt! Hiyah!

Say what you want about that Chuck Banner.

The man knows how to make a clock!

♪ Kickin' it with you ♪

(upbeat music)

Oh, look who's here to sign up for tomorrow's tournament.

Everybody bow, it's sensei Jack.

No, he's not a real sensei! Stop bowing!

Well, Chuck Banner thinks I am.

Oh, really?

Um, was Chuck there when you broke your first board?

Or, or when you got your black belt?

Or when you were so nervous you wet your pants before Nationals?

That wasn't me, Rudy. That was you.

Stupid hotel with that all-you-can-drink lemonade bar.

The point is I know you.

And I want you to become a sensei, but when you're ready.

Well, I think I'm ready now.

Excuse me. I have a tournament to sign up for.

Um, as your sensei,

I am removing your name from the sign-up sheet.

Well, as my own sensei,

I am putting my name back on the sign-up sheet.

Can't sign up without a pen! Ha-ha!

Your problem is you're jealous of Chuck.

Why would I be jealous?

Maybe because he owns 55 dojos across the country and you own one.

I could own 55 dojos.

I just have neither the money nor the ability.

Just face it, Jack. The guy's a pompous blowhard.

No, he's not, Rudy. He takes his karate very seriously.

Whoo! The King is in the house! Hiyah!

Here's your Wizard Weenie.

We make magic in your mouth!

- Marge, we need you back. - Milton: We tried to do your job

- and we realized how hard it is. - And how good my food is?

We realized how hard it is.

Please consider coming back.

I'm not coming back. You guys didn't appreciate me.

Besides, I've never been happier.

Pushing around a Weenie Wagon?

You don't know what makes me happy, little girl.

Besides, my dream is dead.

Your dream is to marry Denzel Washington.

That is not a dream. D-Wash will be mine.

I'm talking about opening up a restaurant.

Marge's Homestyle Barbecue.

Ooh, I need a bathroom break.

They make you do everything in this stupid wizard code.

Base, this is Marge. I need to use the cave of despair. Pronto!

Why do they call it the cave of despair?

Have you been in the food court bathroom?

You guys, we're gonna make Marge's dream come true.

(upbeat music)

- Knock, knock. - Who's there?

Worst ninja ever!

(giggles) Get it?

'Cause he just knocked,

and he literally said "worst ninja ever."

That is so not a good ninja, am I right?

Wow, nice gi, Jack.

Uh, uh, uh, what dojo are you with again?

Right?

You got your fancy gi, your matching wrist bands,

bet you're even wearing "Karate King" underpant--

Yes, unfortunately I am.

You know, you're going up against Byron Kavanaugh on the first round.

He's a master of Muay Thai. He's probably gonna come at you--

I don't need your help anymore, Rudy.

Be that way.

But I am not telling you the hilarious joke

I've been telling all the other senseis.

- Worst ninja ever? It's not funny. - It is the way I tell it!

(lively music)

(cheering)

(both grunting)

- (bones crack) - (groans)

(both grunting)

(crowd cheering)

(upbeat music)

You sure Marge is gonna show up?

I sent her a text that should get her attention.

Where is he? Where's my beautiful Denzel?

- He's not here. - What?

You lied to me?

That's it. I'm tired of this, okay?

- (shrieks) - No, no, no, Marge, Marge, calm down.

We know you gave up on your dream of opening Marge's Homestyle Barbecue.

But we didn't.

What are you talking about?

(country music plays)

(gasps)

This is exactly how I pictured it in my dreams.

Okay, look, your restaurant's gonna be filled

with hungry customers in an hour

and we got you something.

(gasps)

I can't believe you guys did this just for me.

You children better turn away. I'm an ugly crier.

Oh, aw...

- You're crying 'cause you're happy - (sobbing)

and that's just beautiful...

(sobbing)

She is an ugly crier.

For lunch today, we're having barbecued ribs,

baked beans, and Marge's special cornbread.

Dig in, I'm going to make seconds, everybody. Whoo!

Well, the best part of this food is that we didn't have to make it.

It actually looks pretty good.

It smells pretty good.

You think we should give it a try?

(all gagging)

All right, people. Don't panic.

There are barf bags under your seats.

- Marge: Who wants dessert? - Boy: Oh, no!

Please proceed in a calm, orderly fashion.

Exit in a single-file line. Bathrooms are out to the left.

♪ Kickin' it with you ♪

Wow, Jerry's really getting into being Rudy's new cornerman.

Oh, look, he's going to do that

old globe trotters gag with the spit bucket.

It looks like he's gonna throw it on the crowd,

but there's nothing in it but confetti.

Oops. Sorry, wrong bucket.

Both: Gah!

- (dramatic music playing) - Whoo-hoo!

Yeah!

Ladies and gentlemen, you all know me,

I'm Chuck Banner, the Karate King, best new dojo in town.

Please welcome my new sensei

and the man who's gonna bring home the gold,

Jack Brewer!

(rock music playing)

(crowd cheers)

Ladies and gentlemen,

from the Bobby Wasabi Dojo, Sensei Rudy Gillespie...

(echoing) Espie, Espie, Espie.

- (boom box clicks) - (pop music playing)

- Rudy. - Jack.

- Go, Rudy!

- Go, Jack! - Go, Rudy!

(applause, cheering)

(grunting)

(bell dings)

(applause, cheers)

He's countering every one of my strikes.

Do you have any martial arts advice?

Try to win. It's good for business.

Wait, hang on a second,

you're not even a real black belt, are you?

Well, I'm a black belt at making money, I can tell you that.

Now get out there and make me look good.

(bell dings)

(both grunting)

(mystical music)

- Ah! - (bell dings)

(crowd cheering)

Rudy, what was that form? I've never seen anything like it.

Sure you have. That's Shin do.

Wow, man. You know, I owe you an apology.

You were right. I'm not ready to be a sensei yet.

You will be.

Great job, Jack.

The camera got some great logo shots.

You know what, Chuck? I have a lot more to learn

and I want Rudy to be the one to teach me.

Okay, fine. Moving on.

Rudy, nice moves.

- What do you say you join-- - Uh, not interested, Chuck.

All right, fine,

But I'm the one leaving in a Ferrari with two supermodels and an orangutan.

I'll see you losers later.

Rudy, none of that's important.

The important thing is is that you're leaving here

with four kids who absolutely love and respect you.

And you know, the moral of the story is that... Rudy?

Wait up, Chuck! I call shotgun!

(upbeat music)

- Jack: Hey, Rudy, where you been? - I finally did it.

I destroyed the Chuck Banner Clock.

(chuckles) Yeah. I dropped it off the third story,

hit it a few hundred times with a cinder block,

then I ran over it with my buddy's steam roller.

I'll never have to hear Chuck Banner's dumb voice again.

Chuck: It's time to kick butt! Hiyah!

Rudy: What?

- I don't believe it, it still works! - It's time to kick butt! Hiyah!

That's it, I'm finding a volcano and I'm throwing it in!

Chuck: Hiyah! It's time to kick butt! Hiyah!

It's time to kick butt! Hiyah!

It's time to kick butt! Hiyah!

Jerry.

Okay, don't you people judge me.

That clock really is half past awesome.

- Chuck: It's time to kick butt! - Hiyah!

(closing theme music)

Man: Poor soul.

(dog snarls, barks)

Boy: Yes!