Original subtitles

♪ Here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ Chop it up like it's karate ♪

Okay, Jack, you've mastered this move.

Now focus on a spot and kick through it!

( deep breath, grunts)

(laughs) You did it!

I got my nacho nuggets.

Guys, you're not gonna believe it.

My dad and a whole bunch of my family are coming

to watch me in the tournament this Saturday.

I'm gonna train extra hard. My dad's never seen me fight before,

Except this one time at the petting zoo. This goose ate one of my flip-flops.

It was on, yo! And it was all "honk". And I was all.

And it was all "honk."and I was all. (screams)

(theme music)

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we could have a ball Run up the wall ♪

♪ That's just how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

♪ Here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ Chop it up like it's karate ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we could have a ball Run up the wall ♪

♪ That's just how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

(upbeat music)

- What's up? - Aren't you supposed to be in detention?

Yeah, I blew it off. I'm sparring with Eddie.

Do you know where he is?

He said if he was going to spar with you he needed to go to the library first.

- Why would he do that? - Okay.

Let's do this quick.

That book alarm went crazy when I walked out.

Wow. Jerry, a human sparring dummy.

This will be the first time I've ever seen you hit the books.

(grunting)

(snickers)

You hit like my grandmother.

- (Eddie laughing) - Ho-ho-ho, that's it.

- (grunting) - (screaming)

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Take it easy.

Man, you hit him right in the Grapes of Wrath.

Yeah, I know, man.

I'm gonna be in sick shape for the tournament Saturday.

I'm ready. I'm focused. And nothing can distract me from--

Yo, what it do, girl?

What's going on here?

I'm out.

Oh, Martinez! I've been looking all over for you.

You were supposed to be in detention.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to blow it off.

I'm in training, but just put it on my tab.

Let's go, you, come on.

Okay, okay,

I'm sorry, Vice Principal Slugman. It won't happen again.

Really? You mean that?

What do you need to hear, buddy?

(grumbles) Come on, you!

(upbeat music)

All: Jerry!

What's up, my peeps?

- (snoring) - Yo, yo, yo. Get her to stop snoring.

Yo, Tony, drop a beat real quick.

(upbeat music)

Hey, Rudy, my friend.

How can I make your mouth happy today?

Phil, your stupid goat

has been relieving herself in front of my dojo.

Great. It means she like you. She leave you a gift of her muflafla .

I don't want her muflafla .

You'll get along fine when you look after her this weekend.

What? Forget it. I'm not babysitting your goat.

Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ha!

You forget the favor... that I did for you?

Phil, I'll never forget this favor you did for me.

Hey, it's no biggie, Rudy.

Your gall bladder not working, so I give you one of mine.

You know you only have one gallbladder, right?

No, that's not how it works, right? Everything comes in pairs, no?

Hey. Hey, Rudy,

You think I can have my gallbladder back?

Sorry. Kind of attached to it.

Nurse!

Fine. I'll take Tootsie, whatever.

Tootsie, Uncle Rudy's going to have party of slumber for you. Yalla!

You know, you take one vital organ from a guy

and you never hear the end of it.

- Yeah. - (goat bleats)

- (upbeat music) - ♪ Kickin' it with you ♪

(fighting grunts)

Whoa! Jerry, you are pumped for this tournament.

I wanna make my dad proud. I'm even on this special training diet.

- Hold this. - Oh, no.

- Please, tell me you're not-- - Yes, I am.

(munch)

(clanking)

What's that noise?

I don't know.

Do you think Rudy's trying to squeeze into his skinny jeans again?

- Ugh, I hope not. That's a three-man job. - Oof!

What's going on, fools?

Wow!

Your butt looks like they shrink-wrapped a couple of cantaloupes.

- Thank you. - (clanging)

What's going on with my office?

We don't know. We thought you were in there.

Oh, no, Tootsie!

No! Bad goat.

Bad goat!

(telephone ringing)

I think she ate my phone.

- (goat bleats)

- (telephone ringing) - (beeps)

Hello. Hello.

Whoever's calling, you're in a goat.

- (upbeat music) - ♪ Kickin' it with you ♪

Hey, what's this thing holding your books together?

I got banned from using my backpack by my orthopedist.

Orthopedist? What are you, 80?

Man, this thing's crazy.

It's like a big giant rubber band for your books.

Or a big giant slingshot for these pucks.

Yo, five bucks says I can nail Larry right in his blowhole.

- We're gonna go for it! - Yeah.

Not with that angle of trajectory you can't.

It's simple physics. Force equals mass times acceleration.

All right, so...

You just have to stretch it.

Don't stretch it too far until you align it.

- (screams) - (clangs)

(gasps) Holy Christmas nuts!

What happened to your head?

I've been de-wigged!

Who is responsible for this?

I... I am.

You?

You're the poster boy for good behavior.

Milton didn't do it. I did.

What are you doing?

Dude, he can't handle heat like this. I got it.

I'll report to detention or as I like to call it, Club Jerry.

You are headed for maximum-security-lockdown detention.

With Captain Coburn. See you on Saturday.

No, no, no. Saturday's actually not gonna work for me.

I've got a karate tournament.

You should have thought of that before you hair-jacked Miss Davis.

(upbeat music)

Jerry, your family's gonna see you in this tournament.

I have a plan.

Dude, you heard what Slugman said.

This isn't regular detention.

It's maximum-security-lockdown detention.

No, man, this guy Coburn.

He's never seen you before.

I'll say I'm you, do the time, and you can go to the tournament.

- That might work. - Yeah.

Room 214.

I've heard about this place.

(sniffs, blows)

You can smell the stink of delinquency.

That's not delinquency.

(knocking on door)

- Martinez. - Yep, that's me.

(clanging)

Ah, the de-wigger.

You have quite a rap sheet.

You stuffed a meat loaf into Tommy Ward's trombone.

(wheezy laughter)

And you spread atomic glue on the toilet seat in the faculty lounge.

Yeah, yeah, yeah! I remember that one. That was my best one.

Mr. Harper walked around with the seat on his butt for three days.

Oh, really, Jerry, really?

- This way, Martinez. - Camarones a la plancha!

(upbeat music)

- (speaking indistinctly) - Uh-huh, yeah. No, I gotta go, ma.

No, I gotta go. I'm hanging up my goat now.

- Bye-bye. - (beeps)

Come on.

Come on, lousy machine.

Come on. Daddy needs his nuggets. Come on!

- (screaming) - (clangs)

(whimpers)

- (thuds) - (groaning)

Really?

(groaning) This is how I'm gonna go?

I don't believe it. I'm too young to die. I'm too young--

Holy smokes. Chili Whoppers come with free tattoos?

And I'm never gonna get one!

- (goat bleats) - (Rudy groaning)

Tootsie.

You saved my life, you beautiful, beautiful goat.

I gotta call my mom back and tell her all about you.

(gagging)

Thanks. I'll just use the phone in my office.

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

Captain Coburn is focused on one thing and one thing only,

Kids breaking out.

What he's not expecting is someone breaking in.

Okay, you guys make the switch, one Jerry for another.

Whoa! Where are we going to find another Jerry?

Whoo!

Who ordered the swag, yo?

Wow! That's pretty good,

but are you sure he's ready?

Let's find out.

Kim, pretend to be an attractive girl, okay?

Okay, I'll try, but I don't know

if a heinous troll like me could pull it off.

Show her what you got, Jerry.

A little cologne.

(coughing)

- (coughs) - Yo, 'sup, girl?

What it do?

Your cologne makes my eyes burn is what it do.

All right, listen, mamacita ,

you want a nice hot slice of Jerry pie or not?

What are you talking about?

Sorry, let me slow down.

Forgot I was talking to a blonde.

That's it!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa! - (whimpers, screaming)

Both: He's ready!

(upbeat music)

♪ Kickin' it with you ♪

Can I go to the bathroom?

- No! - But I really have to go.

You weren't thinking about peeing when you pulled the fire alarm,

were you, punk?

Actually, when the sprinklers went off, I kind of--

- Shut it! - (knocking on door)

- Can I help you? - Kim: I was told to report for detention.

I'm a little late. I had to steal a bus to get down here.

You stole a bus. Who are you?

I'm a whole lotta trouble.

Let's see. I don't think I have a "Holotta."

I have a Karen. I have a Carol.

I have a Regindra.

I have a Doll.

A Jerry,

A Randy.

I have a Debbie.

And a Timmy.

Sorry, if you're not on the list, you're not getting in.

That's the policy.

Play it your way.

I'll just go down to the pet store and teach the parrots bad words.

Oh, you're trouble, Holotta.

A whole lotta trouble, Holotta.

(upbeat music)

- (Tootsie bleating) - Tootsie, daddy's home.

Hey, Phil, I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow.

Oh, I came back early. I miss my tootsie. Where is she?

She's... she's not here.

What are you talking? She's right there.

Phil, we need to talk.

I never thought I would hear myself say these words,

but I have developed some very strong feelings for your goat.

Okay.

She saved my life.

I can't just give her back. I won't.

And you've discussed this?

Is this what she wants?

She doesn't know what she wants. She's just a crazy mixed-up kid.

Okay, okay.

Well, then there's only one thing left for us to do.

We leave her alone and let her heart decide.

(sighs)

(gasps) Come here, Tootsie baby.

Tootsie baby, come here.

- Who's your daddy? - Who's your daddy, Tootsie?

- You know you wanna come over here. - I take such good care of you.

- You know I love you. - (indistinct yelling, cries)

(goat bleating)

- Okay. - (goat bleats)

Okay. I...

I guess you've made up your mind.

I Hope you two have a nice life together.

I think he took that really well.

Oh, my God! (sobbing)

Or maybe not.

My heart has come out!

After my commander got shot in the leg,

I put him on my back and let him ride me into battle like a horse.

What's up, Martinez? You look a little different.

Hit puberty, yo. Sprouted some new pit hair.

Check it.

- Wait a minute. - Ow!

This isn't real pit hair, and you're not Jerry.

You're that nerd Milton.

Hey, guys, fresh nerd meat.

What? You don't need your boys. We can work this out ourselves.

(indistinct stuttering) Oh!

Okay, fine, I'm a nerd.

The nerd who masterminded the only escape from maximum security lockdown detention.

Whoa! You're right. How'd you do it?

Laundry cart? Bribe somebody? Dig a tunnel?

No, man, we went up.

Spaceship.

(upbeat music)

(somber music)

- (goat bleats) - What's with the get-up?

This is traditional hahmah mourning garb.

We wear it when we are grieving the loss of a goat that we loved.

Okay.

Can I get a number four with some baba ganoush poppers?

(in strained voice) Number four with baba ganoush popper.

And some pickled carrots.

(in strained voice) And some pickled carrot.

For 15 cents extra, you can supersize your drink.

(sobbing) Why, Tootsie?

Phil, I think you should have Tootsie back.

Huh?

It's the right thing to do. She belongs with you.

- Oh! - No, no, uh...

Oh! (scoffs)

Could I just have a moment to say goodbye?

Yes, of course.

You're fired, Phyllis. Tootsie's back.

- (somber music) - We didn't stand a chance, Tootsie.

- (Tootsie bleats) - No, you let me get this out.

Of all the karate joints in all the world,

you pooped in front of mine,

but you also pooped on my heart.

I have a picture of us.

I want you to have it.

- Let it be a reminder of-- - (chomps)

Or you could just eat it. Sure, that works.

Tony, you don't have to cut gym.

Just show up with two left shoes and tell coach you have to sit out

'cause you're waiting on a foot transplant.

Next.

Hey, all you kids sitting back here listening to his every word,

I wouldn't put much stock in it. He's sitting here in detention.

How smart can that be?

Smart enough to outsmart you.

In 32 years of business,

no one has ever outsmarted me.

Think about that, punk.

Okay, two thoughts occur...

One, You have what looks like a wad of pepperoni in your mustache.

And two, this punk just outsmarted you.

I'm not Jerry Martinez. I'm Milton Krupnick.

That's right. I busted him out.

What? No kid has ever escaped from my detention.

My perfect record was all I had.

That and the love of sweet labradoodle Irene.

Oh, yeah, and the wife.

Listen, Harvey, maybe nobody has to know about this.

What do you mean?

Everyone will keep their yaps shut, right, fellas?

All: Yeah.

If... you make some changes around here.

Changes? What kind of changes?

(upbeat music)

You know, uh, Milton,

I should fix you up with this girl, Holotta.

She's trouble, but I think you'd like her. (giggles)

Randy, don't even think about it.

(upbeat music)

Come on, Eddie! Come on, Eddie!

(fighting grunts)

- Winner! - Who's a mama's boy now?

Look, mommy, I won!

(cheering, chanting) Crowd: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Where did Jerry go? His whole family's here and he's up next.

- I'll go talk to him. - Crowd: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Jerry, what are you doing? Your whole family's waiting.

Rudy, I was so excited about my family coming to watch me.

That... I didn't think how they would feel about me if I lost.

They don't care if you win. They're here because they love you.

Thanks, Rudy.

Hey, I got something for you. Maybe it'll inspire you.

It's a picture of us at your first tournament.

I want you to have it. Let it be a reminder--

Or you could just eat it. Sure, that works.

Sorry, Rudy, I'm a nervous eater. I'll see ya.

Crowd: Jerry!

Bow! Ready? Fight!

(grunts) Ay, papi!

- Winner! - Crowd: Ooh...

(cheering, chanting) Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

(cheering, chanting) Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

♪ Kickin' it with you ♪

♪ Kickin' it with you ♪

- Tootsie! - (clicks)

♪ I see it in your face ♪

♪ The look in your eyes ♪

♪ You just can't look away ♪

♪ No matter how I try ♪

♪ You turn me inside out when I need you ♪

♪ I'll never be the same ♪

♪ I'll never be the same ♪

Oh, no, no...

(closing theme music)