Original subtitles

(upbeat music)

The joust is a highly-specialized combat technique.

It's all about control, balance and grace.

(yelling)

Stop! You're beating the Grace out of him.

Hey, hey, hey, put down your pugil stick.

Forget that! I'm taking this thing on the bus with me.

What are you... ow!

Rudy!

Ty?

What are you doing here?

I was over at the nail salon getting a power pedicure.

Which, by the way, is manly because it has the word "power" in it.

And when I came out, I found this under my windshield wiper.

What is it?

It's the thing that goes back and forth on your car when it's raining.

It's amazing.

What's amazing is you're 19 and still in the seventh grade.

This is what I'm talking about.

Your Bobby Wasabi flyer was on my car.

This is a declaration of war, Rudy.

This isn't about flyers, Ty.

It's about the feud that started between us 15 years ago.

What you did to me was wrong!

But it doesn't matter.

Because I'm still the best Sensei in this town.

You up for a little joust?

I never walked away from a joust in my life.

Now, if you don't mind,

I'd like to take a moment to harness my chi.

I'll do the same.

Om...

(Ty grunts)

Ha-ha!

I'm the King of the world! Yeah... Whoa!

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we could have a ball Run up the wall ♪

♪ That's just how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

♪ Here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ Chop it up like it's karate ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we could have a ball Run up the wall ♪

♪ That's just how we do ♪

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

Hey!

(sighs) Thanks for meeting me, Kim.

Well, you said it was important. What do you want to ask me?

Sorry, I'm a little nervous.

I've been wanting to say for a long time but I haven't had the courage.

Milton, are you sure you really want to?

Kim, I finally feel like I'm ready to go out with a girl...

Milton, stop.

I don't... I don't want to hurt you

or talk about this ever again...

but, uh, I only think of you as a friend.

Wait, you thought I was talking about you and me?

I'm sorry, that is hilarious.

Wait, why is that funny exactly?

No offense, Kim. I'm sure you're somebody's type.

But you're just not mine.

Oh, good.

I like this girl named Julie.

The first time I saw her in chemistry class, my heart stopped.

(sighs)

(romantic music)

I'm terrified to ask her out. What if she says no?

Gah!

Relax, I got this.

I'm really good at helping people find love.

Thank you.

I just... (scoffs)

Um, one thing and it's not like I really care or anything,

but, uh...

how am I not your type?

Let it go, Kim.

It's never gonna happen.

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool As kickin' it with you ♪

(clears throat)

Still mad at me for beating you in the joust yesterday?

You cried like a little girl.

I wasn't crying. That was a Colombian war chant.

(wails)

- Okay, you should have been terrified. - Huh.

Besides, there's nothing you can do better than me.

Huh, really?

I'm a better rapper than you are.

I even got a job at the mall, rapping for Falafel Phil's

to help him drum up some business.

He only got that idea

because Captain Corndog hired me to rap for him.

You got nothing.

Please. I can spit rhymes about anything. Call it.

Okay, food in the cafeteria.

Gimme a beat.

(beatboxing)

♪ Uh, yo, the food here's moldy, Bland and green ♪

♪ It's scarier than the monsters On Halloween, go ♪

♪ The items on this menu Go from bad to worse ♪

♪ Get your tray, pay your bill Then you hit the nurse ♪

♪ Oh, for dessert sometimes I like to eat cake ♪

♪ I cut it with my fork And then I eat it ♪

Mm-mm, mm-mm.

All right, I got nothing, okay?

Hey, I'm Julie.

Hey.

I pass by your locker every day.

I can't believe I finally got the courage to talk to you.

(chuckles)

Okay.

Okay, well, this is all kind of new to me.

What the heck, I'll just say it.

I really like--

Whoa, whoa, wait a second.

We don't even know each other and...

I was going to say I like your friend Milton.

Oh, oh, Milton!

I thought you were gonna say you liked me.

(laughs)

You and me? That's funny.

You are so not my type.

I like a manly man.

Okay then.

The first time I saw Milton in chemistry,

it was like I was watching a movie and he was the star.

(upbeat music)

I'd love to go out with him.

But what if he doesn't like me?

Gah!

You know what? You guys would be great together.

- Let me see what I can do. - Really? Thank you so much.

Eh, no problem.

So, uh...

Uh...

I'm not a manly man? I mean...

nothing here or here works for you?

Let it go, Jack. It's never going to happen.

So Milton likes Julie and Julie likes Milton?

- Do you know what this means? - Yes, I do.

It's a perfect storm of nerd love.

This isn't a joke, Jack. We have to help them.

Today he tried giving her flowers and, uh...

it didn't go so well.

Uh, what are those?

(mouthing)

They're...

my lunch.

I've got an idea. Okay, Falafel Phil's tomorrow night.

I'll bring Julie and you bring Milton.

And do not let him bring roses.

He was passing gas all afternoon.

It was disgusting.

And kinda nice.

♪ C-O-R-N-D-O-G ♪

♪ We got the best corndogs in history ♪

♪ So check out our meal deals Then make your pick ♪

♪ It's a golden battered weiner On a stickety stickety stick ♪

- ♪ Oh... ♪ - (music stops)

What are you doing?

- My job. - (clicks)

♪ Falafel Phil's is the place to chill ♪

♪ Where the food is really slamming And the service is so jamming ♪

♪ Phil's hummus is the best Give it a whirl ♪

♪ Way better than some corndog Made from a squirrel ♪

That's it.

(both grunting)

(groans)

(exclaims)

(both groaning)

Oh, no!

Attention, all officers, food fight!

All right. Break it up. Break it...

So, Milton, Julie.

I hear you guys have chemistry together.

(laughs)

Julie, I'm sorry. If you want to go home, I get it.

I don't want to go home.

So you wanna stay here?

Does an object in motion tend to remain in motion?

Unless there's a friction coefficient....

(both laugh)

(fake laughter)

Guys, we're good if you wanna sit at another table.

- Pshaw, no. - Yeah, no, I think we should probably...

We wanna be alone.

Oh, yeah.

I see.

Yeah. (chuckles)

- What just happened? - I'll tell you what just happened.

They just broke up with us.

(both giggling)

Rudy: Milton.

Maybe you'd like to introduce me to your lady friend?

Rudy, this is Julie.

And like me, she feels that Pluto

was unfairly downgraded from planet status.

- Asteroid, my butt! - (both laugh)

Meeting Milton was the best thing that's happened to me since I moved here.

While Julie's parents are in Europe, she's living with her uncle.

See, that's what families are all about.

Your Uncle sounds like a great guy.

There you are.

- Frank told me he saw you two together. - Yeah!

- What are you doing here? - I came to get my niece.

- Ty is your Uncle? - Julie is your niece?

Yes, she is. And I forbid her from seeing him.

You can't forbid her from seeing him,

because I forbid him from seeing her.

- Well, I forbid them first. - No, I forbid...

Forbidden!

♪ La la la la la la la la! ♪

Milton!

Julie!

Rudy would freak if he knew we were helping Milton and Julie.

I don't care. We have to help them.

I believe in a thing called love.

(romantic music)

- Oh! - Hmm.

I'm sorry we have to meet in an alley.

I don't mind the alley.

When I'm with you, I can ignore the smell of the...

(retches)

(coughs)

No, I'm sorry.

That dumpster smells like where diapers go to die.

Frank: Here they are!

Guys, get out of here.

(both grunt)

You probably shouldn't have done that.

Again.

(grunting)

(tense music)

(groans)

(grunts)

The joke's on you.

I landed in all these soft diapers.

- (squelching) - (grunts)

So after all of the forbidding I did,

Milton and Julie are still sneaking around and seeing each other?

They can't see each other anymore. You know why?

Because of you and Ty! (scoffs)

But I got news for you, mister.

- Okay, okay, thank you. - It's not...

Thank you, Kim.

Rudy, you've been feuding with Ty for 15 years.

How did it even start?

Well...

we were both studying with the Grand Master.

But only one of us would be deemed worthy of being his apprentice.

Rudy: We stood at the top of a mountain for our final competition.

The ancient clash of the antlers.

(blowing air)

(groaning)

We battled for hours,

trying to knock each other off those stumps.

(farts)

Oh, gross!

Whoo! Whoa!

No fair! He cheated.

I was distracted, Grand Master.

He tooted. He tooted!

So I became his apprentice,

and Ty vowed that he would never rest until he got his revenge.

- So you stunk him off his stump? - No!

It was the grand master.

(farts)

Rudy, it's time for this thing to end.

Let me arrange a sit-down so you and Ty can talk things out.

Do it for Milton and Julie.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Maybe it is time to move on,

and finally bury the hatchet.

All right, no more rapping wars!

Now we're gonna squash this beef

by letting the crowd decide who's number one, okay?

Now, up first is Eddie,

The Rhyming Falafel Ball.

♪ Let me be frank, homey You're a weinie ♪

♪ Couldn't get me to eat A corndog if you were a genie ♪

♪ I'd use all three wishes Just to make you go away ♪

♪ 'Cause you're nothing but A sucker and i'm here to stay ♪

Crowd: Ooh!

Okay, okay, okay. All right.

Up next is Jerry,

The Rapping Corndog.

♪ Uh, get a real job, you slob You smell like a kebab ♪

♪ I'll never eat at your place Because I'm a food snob ♪

♪ Your falafel is awful And your pita is a pity ♪

♪ If you were smart, you'd roll your butt To a different city ♪

Crowd: Ooh!

Gee, I'm sorry.

You call that "bringing it"?

(scoffs)

These people came here to hear some real rap,

am I right, everybody?...

(crowd cheer)

All right, yeah! Let's do it!

(crowd cheering)

Threads, uh-huh!

Whoop de-doop bah-da-boop bah bah bah.

Oh, yeah.

(humming) Uh-huh.

♪ Sit back, relax, turn off your phone ♪

♪ I welcome all y'all to the Joan zone ♪

♪ Rappers step to me And like trees they fall ♪

♪ Forget these clowns, I'm Queen of them all ♪

(crowd cheering)

♪ Joan to base, Joan to base ♪

♪ Just destroyed two suckers Put them in their place ♪

♪ Joan to base, Joan to base ♪

♪ I just destroyed two suckers Put them in their place ♪

(crowd cheering)

♪ Come on! ♪

We're here tonight to put aside our differences

because we care about Milton and Julie.

(sighs)

Now, if anyone would like to say something, now is the time.

I really like the way Kim's hair smells.

That's all I got.

(mouths) Wow!

Rudy, maybe you'd like to say something.

Fine!

(sighs sharply)

What Jack said is true.

Tonight is about Milton and Julie.

I'd like us to, you know...

- let bygones be bygones. - Hmm.

(scoffs)

Jack: Excellent!

Sensei Ty, maybe you'd like to say something.

(clears throat)

(sighs sharply)

Maybe we should just try and get along.

Great! I think we've settled things.

Now, let's just all enjoy our meal.

Uh, excuse me, what are you doing?

- I'm taking the last falafel ball. - No, no.

This is my ball. My fork was on it.

My fork was on it first. Get off it.

Never going to happen.

(suspenseful music)

(both grunting)

(yells)

(screams)

(Rudy thuds)

(Ty grunts)

(clanking)

(yelling)

(groans)

♪ Kickin' it with you ♪

- They could be anywhere out there. - Anywhere.

- We found 'em. - Where were you two?

We were worried sick.

They have something to say.

Milton and I have talked.

And we're not going to see each other anymore.

Goodbye, Julie. I'll never forget you.

Goodbye, Milton. I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Wait! I want to say something.

No. No, I want to say something.

You and it's... I feel someone...

Something and you're...

But then, and you all just went... (groans)

But it's here, and it's here, and then I...

I want to say something!

Rudy: You know what?

I finally understand Ty completely.

We've let our problems become your problems.

Milton, Julie, we won't stand in your way.

Thank you, Rudy.

I got Milton and Julie together. My work here is done.

- Julie. - Milton.

- Rudy. - Ty.

- Kim. - Frank.

(gasps, grunts)

Did I imagine that or did she just flip me?

Oh, you must have imagined it.

Come on. You know what?

- You should go give her a hug. - Okay.

- Kim. - Frank.

(Kim grunts)

Oh, Frank, you're gonna be in seventh grade for a long time.

♪ Kickin' it with you ♪

You know what? I'm glad we're not fighting anymore.

Yeah, me too. Rapping's about expressing yourself,

not about selling falafels and corndogs.

Yeah.

I think taking this class together is really going to make us better rappers.

All right, here we go, y'all.

Jerry, Eddie, give me a beat.

(both beatboxing)

♪ I'm jam master Joan School is in session ♪

♪ Get the money upfront That's the first lesson ♪

Seriously, I'm gonna need $11.95 from both of you right now.

Come on.

(closing theme music)