Original subtitles

♪♪ [theme]

♪ Kick, kick ♪

♪ Kick, kick, kick ♪

♪ Kick Buttowski ♪

♪ Kick ♪

♪ Kick ♪

♪ Kick Buttowski ♪

♪ Kick, kick ♪

♪ Kick, kick ♪ ♪ Kick Buttowski ♪

♪ Kick, kick ♪

♪ Kick ♪

♪ Kick ♪

♪ Kick Buttowski ♪

♪ Kick Buttowski ♪

[crash]

For the last time, I did not order 85 gallons

of hair removal cream.

Ah, biscuits.

[kids scream]

[kids groan]

Buttowski!

[pants]

Grab hold of yourself, Henry. You can do this.

One more year, he'll be out of your hair.

[sighs]

Mr. Buttowski, am I gonna have

to write you a detention slip?

Probably.

No! You know I hate paper work.

How about if we just let this one slide?

[all boo]

All right. All right.

Okay, Kick, one more mess like this

and you're expelled.

[all cheer]

Expelled?

Suckers!

Woo-hoo!

Expelled and home schooled.

Expelled and home schooled?

Who wants pie?

Woo-hoo!

Expelled and home schooled by Ms. Chicarelli.

Chicarelli?

[chalk screeches]

Woo-hoo!

Oh, sorry, I was still on the pie.

[bell rings]

Okay, Gunther,

I can't make another mess or I'm doomed.

Not even a scuff mark.

Um, Kick?

[screeches]

[snickers] Starting now.

I'm not gonna do one thing that's even remotely--

Destructive?

Wow, Kick, when did you do this?

I didn't do it, but if the principle see this--

Mm-hmm?

Kick, hurry. He's already here.

Oh.

This is obviously not my work.

Are you kidding? It's got Kick Buttowski written all over it.

No, it doesn't.

Oh, yes, it does.

See, it's written right here.

I'm being framed.

Framed?

Exhibit A: This is a marker cap.

I would never use a glittery red marker.

Can we dust this for prints?

[radio beeps]

Grace, can you hear me?

Alert Ms. Chicarelli that she's got a new student

because I just expelled Kick Buttowski.

[gasps]

Well, almost.

I've got a good half hour

of grueling expulsion paper work.

And you know how I hate paper work.

And then you're expelled.

Enjoy your last hour of freedom, bucko.

Of all the things I've done,

I'm going down

for the one thing I didn't do.

I've got to find out who framed me.

You get to class and execute emergency plan 32-H.

[gasps]

Wait, which one is that?

The one right after 32-G.

[gasps] [bell rings]

Miss Barton.

Here.

Mr. Buttowski.

Mr. Buttowski.

[Gunther] Um, here.

Um, extreme.

Mm-hmm.

[sighs]

Scratch, not deep enough.

Hand writing, not accurate.

Rubber, scuffed not burned.

The work of an amateur,

but which amateur?

[all growl]

Could be anybody.

I'm running out of time.

And that's why the sine wave

represents the hopelessness in my soul.

Uplifting presentation.

All right, who's next?

[air hisses]

Mr. Buttowski,

I will not have you sleeping in my class.

That's better.

Ms. Fitzpatrick, can I use the restroom?

I don't know, can you?

[chuckles]

I mean-- Mm-hmm.

[door open, closes]

Kick.

How'd you get out of class, Gunther.

I told her I had to pee.

Good excuse.

No, I really have to pee.

Focus, Gunther. We need to figure out

who would want to frame me to get me expelled.

The shorter list would be "who wouldn't?"

This is true.

Well, think about it, Kick.

Who has got a reason to take you down--

Today?

Hmm.

B plus.

A minus.

A--

[groans]

[bell rings]

D minus.

I will get you back if it's the last thing I do.

Anyone else?

Hmm.

[electricity crackles]

I'm breaking the record today, Gunther.

Wow, you just generated

578 joules of static electricity.

[electricity crackles]

Nothing cooler than static electricity,

Finally calculated the reality of string theory.

And the only proof is right here on this computer.

Buttowski!

I will get you back if it's the last thing I do.

Okay, so it's either Ronaldo or Kendall.

Or Ronaldo and Kendall.

Huh? Look.

[whispering]

Gunther, you're a genius.

Can I go to the bathroom yet?

Stay focused, Gunther.

That was close call with Buttowski.

Oh, don't worry about Clarence.

So far, our little secret is safe. Aha!

You thought you could get away with it,

but I found your red cap at the scene of the crime.

Their markers both have caps.

[gasps] What the biscuits?

So what Clarence? Is it really so bad that we found love?

What? Love?

[gags]

All right, Clarence, what do you want to keep quiet?

How about nothing?

I know you've been stealing my pretzel rods.

I keep count. I bet if I went into that corner

I'd find some chunky evidence.

I didn't talk your junk, pretzel boy.

And I know you're trying to get me expelled.

[both gasp]

[both] Why didn't you think of that?

Wait, if you didn't frame me, then who?

I don't have much time left to find out.

My darling, I wrote you a poem only using zeroes and ones.

You're the worst secret boyfriend ever.

Oh, Ms. Chicarelli,

oh, I'm so glad you can come out of retirement

to help us reign in Mr. Buttowski.

The capless red marker.

It was the janitor.

[Man] Janitor, come in, Janitor.

You got an up-chuck situation in the AV room.

Nobody gets Kick Buttowski expelled

expect for Kick Buttowski.

[bee buzzes]

[gasps]

[air hisses]

Mr. Buttowski, do you need to use the restroom?

[farts]

I'll take that as a yes.

Ooh, pretzel rods.

Thanks again, Ronaldo. [chuckles]

Busted. Aah!

So I took a few pretzel rods from that pretzel rod.

Big deal.

I think you lost something.

Ooh, why thank you.

And you left the cap at your crime scene.

I, uh, don't know what you're talking about.

Bet you even had a pretzel while you trashed the hallway.

No, not until after--

All right, fine. I did do it.

You've been a railroad spike

in my wisdom tooth for long enough.

And it's time you're expelled.

Not gonna happen. I just caught you red-handed.

Did you? [laughs]

You've got no proof.

And no time.

None at all.

[camera beeps]

Just got to show this proof to the principal.

[crash] [cat screeches]

[screams]

[sighs]

[girls scream]

[bell rings]

[growls]

I got you, Kick.

Oh, thank you so much for returning this.

Because I don't remember giving you permission to take it.

Ronaldo,

that camera contains

crucial evidence of my innocence, so--

Oh, good because I'm gonna erase it.

Call it pay back for the pretzels.

I didn't take your pretzels.

Watch the tape-- Mm-hmm.

Kick, Ms. Chicarelli will be handling

all your paper work from now on. Isn't that great?

But it was the janitor who was trying to frame me.

I didn't do anything.

[Janitor] All right, fine. I did do it.

You've been a railroad spike

in my wisdom tooth for long enough.

So I took a few pretzel rods from that pretzel rod.

Big deal.

[all gasp]

It was the janitor. Kick is innocent.

Still got to pee.

Thanks, Ronaldo.

I don't like you, Buttowski,

but nobody messes with my pretzel rods.

You framed Kick?

Why I ought to--

No, please.

This job is all I ever wanted.

It's my one joy even with all the...

extra work.

He's skateboard tracking the ceilings.

He's scuffing the floors.

Repainting the lockers.

Wrestling alligators.

Wow, wrestling alligators?

That is totally hardcore.

Oh, well-- Well, thank you.

And those were some pretty mad skills

keeping up with me back there.

Well, I guess I picked up

a few moves from cleaning up after you.

You're all right.

Well, none of it matters.

You're fired.

Sir, wait.

My awesomeness pushed this man over the edge.

Anybody who cleans up after me

all the time deserves a second chance.

Mmm?

Plus, keeping him onboard would mean less paper work.

Ooh.

All right, Kick, you've convinced me.

Back to class.

Oh, and you, back to band practice.

♪♪ [instruments groan]

Can I go to the bathroom yet?

And as for you, unnamed janitor,

you've caused a big mess here today.

One more mess and you are out, paper work or not.

Oh, thank you, sir.

This school is gonna be squeaky clean from now on.

[flushes]

Starting now.

Come on, Gunther, let's find you a bathroom.

Ah, already found one.

[Girl] Oh, Tina, this is your most refined tea party yet.

Could a girl even ask for a better princess?

[chuckles]

I'm so grateful for such loyal friends.

It's the girl little ninjas.

Run!

Ninjas, you've crashed the wrong tea party.

Oh, no, it's Tina Sometimes.

Sometimes a princess

and sometimes a spy.

And I'm gonna sparkle you into next week.

[all groan]

Ms. Habershaw.

[screeches]

[ninjas cry out]

[unicorn whinnies]

[Kick] Stunt double.

[Bree] Quiet, Kick.

[Kick] Wires.

[Bree] Quiet, you're running it.

Consider yourself Sometimes.

[audience applauds]

Fake audience.

They sounded real to me.

[audience laughs]

Tina Sometimes is all smoke and mirrors.

Under that pink jumpsuit,

there's some short stunt guy in a wig.

There's no way a girl could do that.

Sit down and give it a chance.

You might like it, Kick.

I would rather gouge out my own eyes.

[Brad] Quiet, I can't hear the theme song.

Brad?

Not a word, dilweed,

or I'll sparkle you into next week.

I feel dirty.

I don't know why you hate that show so much.

I think she's kind of cute.

I can't un-see the horror,

but I can crash it out of my system.

[coughs] Who the--

[both grunt]

[Director] Cut!

Are you unconscious?

[both] I don't do unconscious.

Nice line.

Tina Sometimes?

[gags]

Quick, some one give me

something to gouge out my own eyes.

I'm not Tina Sometimes. I'm her stunt double.

I told you it was a stunt double?

Huh?

Hm-mmm.

A girl stunt double?

Yeah, it's like a boy, but better.

The names Rossetti, Scarlett Rossetti,

professional stunt double.

Kick Buttowski, suburban daredevil.

And I'm Gunther.

Just Gunther.

[audience laughs]

So Tina Sometimes in Mellowbrook.

Isn't that a pretty big coincidence?

[audience laughs]

Of course, we're filming here.

There's only one Dead Man's Drop.

My Dead Man's Drop?

Well, the name's changing

to Girly-Girl Faults.

There's nothing girly about Dead Man's Drop.

Uh, they'll fix it in post.

[computer beeps]

Is this my eternal punishment for a lifetime of awesome?

Watch it, pocket size.

That's my job you're insulting.

So, you like stunts?

I got to get back to work.

And now to commence Operation Get A Date With Tina Sometimes

And Then Think Of A Shorter Name For This Operation.

[audience laughs]

Hey, there. I sure hope you're a bag of garbage

because I want to take you out this Wednesday.

Ew.

I think she likes me.

You will never get away with this, ninjas.

[strains]

I'll use my laser lipstick to free myself.

Cut.

Bring in the stunt double.

[train horn blares]

Action.

[train horn blares]

Cut!

Send in Tina.

And action.

Good thing I had my trusty laser lipstick

and my trusty skateboard.

Cut.

Brilliant, Tina. That's a wrap.

Oh, Tina.

Your stunts are so amazing.

How ever do you do it?

Oh, I, um--

What can I say? Born with it.

She's taking credit for your stunts.

That was your train to face.

And you took it awesomely

for a girl I mean.

I'm a stunt double.

Sometimes you just got to be somebody else.

Tina, can I have your--

Ew.

You're not Tina. You're nobody.

See? No one knows who you are.

Yeah, and I suppose your well known.

Kick Buttowski!

Kick Buttowski!

Kick Buttowski!

I said they know me. I didn't say they like me.

Sweet.

And now I'm gonna get people to notice you for you.

Unless you like being a nobody.

Look out, world. Here comes Scarlett.

Scarlett!

[cheetah roars]

Scarlett!

Scarlett!

Hey, Scarlett.

What's up, Scar.

Nice jump from that airplane.

How goes it, Scar?

See? Everyone knows you for you.

Yeah, for me.

Feels good.

Thanks, Kick. You're okay, uh,

for a boy.

Well, there goes my good deed for the season.

And just in time, too.

Sometimes chop!

[grunts] What is your problem?

The shoot is over.

Tina is leaving town and the show might be canceled

all thanks to you.

Your welcome, Earth.

Everyone saw you with that stunt double today

and now she quit.

Tina can't even blink without a stunt double.

Help, somebody.

You better get things back to normal.

[growls]

Consider that a warning.

The world is much better off

without that stupid, stupid show.

[all growl]

[girls yell]

Scarlett,

why'd you quit?

You showed me I could be my own person.

And I like it.

Wait up.

[girls chatter]

But the show is gonna be canceled.

Your welcome, Earth.

But--

[growls]

You got to get things back to normal.

The world is much better off

without that stupid, stupid show.

[growls]

But I'm not.

What am I gonna do, Gunther? Everyone hates me.

And now she's doing what I usually do.

Ignoring everyone who hates you.

Exactly, I got to get everything back to normal.

Why are you dressed like that?

I was selling the real Gunther and Tina wasn't buying.

So I'm showing her my romantic side.

Your romantic side?

Sometimes you got to be something

you don't want to be.

Be something that you don't want to be?

Gunther, you're a genius.

I am?

That means I'm three things.

[screams]

[audience laughs]

Action.

Send in Tina.

Action.

Ta-da!

Cut.

[crowd clamoring]

To Dead Man's Drop for the big finale.

Well, well, well.

Look at yourself. You're doing exactly

what you told me not to do.

It's the only way I can do stunts.

The shows back on, and the angry mob is happy now.

[cheering]

Remember what you said?

Sometimes you got to be someone else.

I can't let you do this, Kick.

Besides, you're too short to be Tina's double.

They'll fix me in post.

What's the matter? You afraid I'll be better than you.

Better than me?

Not a chance.

Stop this nonsense.

Do you even know who you are?

Sometimes a princess and sometimes a super spy.

It's over Tina Sometimes.

Maybe some day.

But not today.

[Announcer] Will Tina defeat her newest archenemy,

the Scarlett Letter?

Find out when Scarlett Rossetti guest stars on the next

Tina Sometimes.

[cheers]

Aw, they cut out the best part.

That's because you landed on the camera.

Oh, yeah.

So who's gonna be Tina's stunt double now?

Meh, they got some short guy in a wig.

So you got your own character on the show now.

Maybe next time you're in town, we'll find out who's better.

I don't pass through any place twice.

I cruise in, break a few things,

then cruise right on out.

Well, then there's something we got to do.

Yeah, something we must do.

[both] Woo-hoo!

Ms. Sometimes, I've come to date you.

And I won't take go away for answer.

Ugh, fine.

But my stand-in does all my dating.

Pick me up at 8?

[audience laughs]

[Announcer] That's our Gunther.

[cheering, applause]

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA