Original subtitles

♪♪ [theme]

♪ Kick, kick ♪

♪ Kick, kick, kick ♪

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick ♪

♪ Kick ♪

♪ Kick Buttowski ♪

♪ Kick, kick ♪

♪ Kick, kick ♪ ♪ Kick Buttowski ♪

♪ Kick, kick ♪

♪ Kick ♪

♪ Kick ♪

♪ Kick Buttowski ♪

♪ Kick Buttowski ♪

[crash]

[grunts]

[dings]

Kick, we should not be fighting like this.

We're brothers,

and I feel bad about constantly brutalizing you,

and I know I can't make it up to you,

but will you accept my apology?

Go on, shake it, brother.

[laughs]

Have a nice trip, dill weed.

[whistling]

I don't know why,

but Brad has really been unstoppable lately.

I need to step up my game.

You'd need to be like a super-ripped pro wrestler to beat Brad.

Too bad there's no wrestling academies in Mellowbrook.

Sorry, boys. No time to talk.

Gotta get back to wrestling academy.

[growling] [blows landing]

Oh, it's hopeless. You'll never beat Brad.

Come on.

So where do we sign up?

[laughing]

Hi-eeh!

What do you want?

I need you to teach me how to wrestle

so I can give my older brother a beat down.

Younger brothers are no match for older brothers.

No wasting my time.

[blow lands]

[Gunther] Wait for me, Kick.

[cries]

Get ready for round two.

He's right, Kick.

We're too small to stand against the big guys,

and, you know, it's not so bad living a life of fear,

like my pet guinea pig.

[whimpers]

Good night, my love.

[screams]

Why is he always so scared?

Come on. Let's go practice darting our eyes around in fear.

Gunther.

Um, huh?

Look at this.

[reads]

That's more my style.

[reads]

[belches]

Papercut Peterson at your service.

You're going to teach me to wrestle.

My older brother keeps beating me up.

I've got to beat him back.

Older brother? I hate older brothers.

All right, I'll teach you.

Great. Let's get cracking.

Get ready, Gunther.

It's time for a training montage.

To the punching bag.

To the treadmill.

[huffing]

It's too fast.

It's... too... fast.

Now you're ready for ring work.

See, I'm in a sleeping bag to make it fair.

Now, show me what you got.

Uh-- [Papercut smacks]

Not good enough!

If you can't win with strength,

find another way.

Work together.

If you can't handle something,

tag out with your partner.

Get each other's backs.

[squealing]

[screams] Tag!

[screams]

[Papercut] See, I trained him.

[meows, purring]

One, two, three, I'm out.

Get ready, Gunther.

[growls]

Oh, yes!

Yes!

Well, I've taught you everything I know,

so I guess, uh, who wants ice cream?

[gulps] Uh, let me just pretend to have money.

I got it. It's the least I could do.

[screams]

Paper is my only weakness.

Don't you forget it.

[groans]

Papercut Peterson? You named yourself after your weakness?

I used to be Piledriver Peterson.

[Kick] That was you? You used to be awesome.

I don't do that anymore,

not since my older brother beat me down,

forced me to quit.

[grunting]

Come on, work those thick triceps.

Ah, so what do we have here?

Beat it, Sanchez.

Why don't you mind your manners, muchacho?

Maybe you should vamanos

because younger brothers

will always lose.

[screams] Frozen cream!

What makes you think

you can boss Papercut around?

I'm allowed to boss him around

because Papercut is my younger brother.

[gasps] Papercut?

It's true.

Shogun Sanchez is my older brother.

That academy of his used to be mine

until he beat me down and took it from me,

kicked me out into the cold.

See? I put a hat on 'cause it's cold.

That's the end of my story. No, it isn't.

Tonight we're going to prove

that younger brothers can beat older brothers.

You may be tough out here,

but Papercut can still beat you in the ring.

And the prize is?

Ownership of the wrestling academy.

And if you lose?

Oh, we won't lose.

You're on, my little Chihuahua.

You can take this guy.

[grunts, trills]

[growls]

I've never beaten my brother.

Every underdog has his day.

Just remember everything you taught me.

Yeah, okay, Kick. Okay.

Let's go!

[audience cheering]

[gasping]

Yeah!

Wait! Wait! Wait!

We should not be fighting like this.

We are brothers,

and I feel bad about constantly brutalizing you.

Wait, where have I heard that line before?

And I know I can't make it up to you,

so, well, will you accept my apology?

Wow, that's actually really nice.

Come on, let's shake on it.

No! It's a trap!

[echoing] No!

Aah! A paper cut!

My only weakness,

just like I said earlier!

Ow-ee.

Younger brothers are no match for older brothers.

That's... true.

Tag me in, Papercut.

Finally, Kick, I really believed him.

You want to take his place at the buffet of pain?

Be my guest.

I'll just tag in my star student.

[whistles]

[gasps]

I should've known.

That's why Brad's been unstoppable.

I'm going to injure your face

in my heart blender.

[laughs] Yeah.

[audience cheering]

Older brothers rule.

It's over, Kick.

We're just not strong enough to beat them.

No. Remember what you taught me?

If you can't win with strength,

find another way.

Gunther, Old Blue.

See, Papercut? Little brothers don't always lose.

That's what I'm talking about.

What's this now?

Oh, no, I'm a stage prop!

He's going to cheat again,

and he's going to throw that little girl.

Watch out, Kick!

[roars]

What?

[growls]

I don't believe it.

Piledriver Peterson is back.

[audience cheering]

[cheering]

Thanks for giving me my old life back, Kick.

Thanks for helping me prove

that younger brothers can beat older brothers.

And thanks for the training montage.

Oh, I almost forgot.

I owe you both a very sincere handshake.

Handshake?

Not the handshake.

Ha. Just kidding.

[together] Ho-ho, Papercut.

[Male Announcer] In a world with no hope,

no heroes,

and lots of zombies,

one man will rise up to protect humanity.

Let's rock.

[screaming]

Rock Callahan is

Rock Callahan in...

Starts Friday.

Rock Callahan.

[Kick] It's finally here, Gunther--

opening night to Rock Callahan's Zombie Motocross.

Starring Rock Callahan.

Number-one fans first in line.

As Rock Callahan would say...

[together] Let's rock.

Well, well, well,

what are you two doing here?

Hello, Mouth.

Huh. You think you're getting in that theater tonight?

Oh, you know this.

Have you forgotten who works here?

I'm not afraid of your screw-head brother.

[Mouth] You ought to be.

Ever since he got promoted to Assistant Manager,

Pantsy runs this theater with an iron fist.

He doesn't tolerate anything.

No whistling! No movie for you!

Step out of line-- [sneezes]

and he kicks you out.

No movie for you.

[bawling]

Some even say he can hear your age.

No movie for you!

No pants for you.

[screams]

But since he's my brother,

I have an awesome movie to watch.

Good luck, suckers.

[laughs]

Mouth is right, Kick.

Pantsy hates us to begin with.

Nothing's stopping me from seeing this movie.

You didn't say "please"!

No ticket for you.

[bawling]

Uh, one ticket for Zombie Motocross, please.

[cash register beeps]

One for Zombie Motocross.

Please.

I know my ticket stub's in here somewhere.

No stub, no movie.

[screams]

My ticket, Your Ushership, sir.

Mm-hmm.

Thank you, Your Ushership, sir.

No running! I wasn't running.

No entrance for you. Next!

What? I have a ticket.

You're too young to see this movie.

Next!

Time for some new glasses, Pantsy.

Zombie Motocross is rated PG.

Ticket, please.

You just tore it up.

No ticket, no movie! Next! [groans]

Then give me a refund.

No refunds, and no movie for you. Next!

I bought a ticket, and I'm going to see that movie.

You're never going to get by me, Buttowski.

[Male Announcer] Wow, what a play. Let's see that again.

Here comes Kick Buttowski on an end run.

Pantsy's right on his tail.

Look at the way Buttowski sets up his blockers here and here.

And look at this move

as Buttowski fakes to the right, cuts left,

completely fooling Pantsy.

And look at this.

Buttowski, he stops for the thumbs up from a fan.

You just don't see that kind of confidence and skill anymore.

The kid's got spunk, I tell you.

I think he's going to make it.

Or not. Huh?

Here's your own private concession stand, loser!

Told you nobody's ever beaten him.

Mouth? Even his own brother.

What did you do to get kicked out?

No!

Here's your own private concession stand, loser!

Oh, that's just cold,

but I'm not letting someone like Pantsy

stop me from seeing that movie.

Wait. Take me with you, please.

I'm begging you.

I'm on my knees in buttery popcorn tubs.

I can't miss this movie.

Why should I take you with me?

I'm a Rock Callahan fanatic.

Oh, yeah? Prove it.

[cracks]

Let's rock.

So you are a fan.

Okay, you're in.

Yes! But how are we going to get past Pantsy?

I've got eyes on the inside.

[cell phone ringing]

Yellow. Slight delay.

Kick? Where are you?

The movie's going to start any second.

I have to sneak in through the delivery dock.

I need you to call me with the whereabouts of Pantsy.

Got it.

[Announcer] Please remember to turn off all cell phones.

Will do, giant screen.

There's our in.

Hey, baby, you look great in 3-D.

[scoffs] Don't you have to sign for a delivery or something?

Oh, yeah.

He's heading for the delivery dock, Kick.

Abort! Abort!

He's heading your way.

I sure hope you're getting my warnings.

Oops. [nervous chuckle]

Now we wait for Gunther's call

as to the whereabouts of Pantsy,

and we're in.

[ringing]

Hello?

He's right in front of you, Kick.

Run!

Go on without me!

Enjoy the show. Enjoy the show!

[sighs]

What are you doing here, Clarence?

Uh, I love this flick.

You love the nuanced French cinema of Marcel Pompeau?

Sure. I love all that... mushy stuff.

Oh, really?

Sure, I-- Buttowski?

You in here?

Ooh.

Oh, wow, Kick,

I didn't know. I-- I--

[gagging]

[pants]

[gasps] [blaring]

Usher. Usher!

Why, you...

Time to go.

It was just getting good.

Come on!

♪♪ [ragtime piano]

Usher. Usher!

Gunther, save us some seats.

I'm going to lose this guy.

I love these 3-D movies.

Stuff really pops out at you.

[screams]

Ooh.

[screams]

Time to step it up a notch.

[siren blaring]

Kick, just in time.

The movie's about to start.

Not now, Gunther.

We've got company.

[revs]

[screams] Liquid center!

Come on, you idiots.

This is precisely why I have 500 ushers on one shift.

Get him!

[growls]

You worthless buffoons.

Forget me. Get him!

Free hot buttery destruction!

[screams]

[growls]

Come on, you bumbling goons.

He's behind the candy counters.

Surround him!

Come on out, Buttowski.

It's over!

How many ushers do you think are out there, Kick?

Lots. Yeah.

Looks like we're not going to get to see Rock Callahan, huh?

Short of a miracle, Gunther,

I'm afraid not.

Sure was fun trying, though.

Sure was.

We may have lost, but it doesn't mean we go down easy.

What do you say, buddy?

Let's go out Rock Callahan style.

[together] Let's rock.

No!

[alarm ringing]

[crowd clamoring]

It's a miracle.

[grumbles]

Show's been cancelled.

Here's your money back.

Have a nice evening.

Oh, shove it.

[Gunther] This is awesome.

You got that right.

[gulps]

Thanks for the help, Mouth.

Set off the sprinklers on your own brother?

Blood might be thicker than water,

but Rock Callahan rocks!

[all] Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo-hoo!

Usher? Usher!

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA