Original subtitles

(BUBBLING)

(THEME SONG PLAYING) One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

La la la la

Ooh

La la la la

Ooh

La la la la

Ooh

La la la la

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOG HOWLING)

(MAN HOWLING)

(CROWD CHATTERING)

Oh, how I love student plays.

Yeah, except acting's for nerds.

-(LAUGHING) -Good one.

Oh.

Oh my gosh, it's the day of the show.

Stage makeup really gets me going.

Okay, calm down, Oscar.

You're an awesome stage manager.

You'll get through this.

Has anybody seen my duct tape and my girdle?

(GROANS)

(SINGING OFF-KEY) La la la la la!

-(GROANS) -How's it going, Jocktopus?

Jocktopus hate musicals!

Well, maybe if someone showed up to rehearsals,

they'd know what they're doing.

(GROWLS) Okay, you know what?

I am not gonna let him ruin this for us.

Hey, everyone, gather round.

We've gotta do our best tonight,

so I created this vision board.

All of the elements will work together

to make this the most magical performance ever.

But don't get stressed.

Tonight is just like rehearsals...

only it's not a rehearsal!

Fish just got real!

There will be hundreds of eyes watching you.

Hu-hundreds?

-Mr. Mussels, anything you'd like to add? -Yes.

I wrote this play with nothing more than words,

so will you all please add the rest of the stuff

and make it good?

Hot dog!

My rap career is settin' off tonight.

Save your excitement for the big number.

All right, everyone, places.

(EXCITED CHATTER)

-Is it over? -(SIGHS) If only we were so lucky.

-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) -It's starting! It's starting!

(INDECIPHERABLE GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Welcome to the town of Au Gratin.

Mm, winter's a-comin'.

There's something in the air.

-(THUD) -OSCAR: Sorry!

In a land where yaks go to die,

how do we survive?

Good question, my friend.

I tell you in one word...

(MUSIC PICKS UP)

KIDS: (SINGING) Potatoes, potatoes

Potatoes

Hey, potatoes!

What is delicious and so nutritious

And can be cooked In a million different ways?

-What? Oh. -KIDS: Potatoes!

Potatoes, potatoes

Potatoes

Hey, potatoes!

Oh, Papa,

this is the most bountiful harvest we have ever had.

Yes, Svetlana, my daughter,

our enchanted spud, the Great Potato,

has indeed been good to us this year.

We must dance for him.

(SINGING) Who is the reason for the happy season?

Who makes potatoes grow?

He's magical and mystical

I think you get the gistical

Potatoes, potatoes

Potatoes

Hey, potatoes!

Oh, Skidoodle! It's magic!

Ho, ho, ho.

I am the Great Potato.

I love you, Great Potato. (GROANS)

I bless this harvest to be the best harvest ever!

(SINGING) Potato chips and french fries Curly fries and steak fries

-Waffle cut and home fries -Give me some of those!

ALBERT: Hash 'em, mash 'em, bake 'em, fry 'em, make 'em any way you like 'em

MILO: You know how this goes!

(SINGING) Potatoes, potatoes

Potatoes

Hey, potatoes!

(CHEERING)

What's this play about?

All right, everybody, now hurry up and get ready for the next scene.

Hey, potato, how you sing good?

Well, my man, either you got it or you don't.

Some people just don't got it and they're never gonna get it.

And I pity them. Derpa derp.

Jocktopus go throw up now.

Mr. Mussels, how do you write such powerful stuff?

You see, one night, I was eating dinner...

(FLY BUZZES)

Oh, okay, that makes sense.

Well, time for the next scene.

Curtains up, places!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

-What happened? -The yak died, m'lord.

Again?

-(GRUNTS) Where are we? -The town of Au Gratin.

VILLAGERS: Welcome!

Well, I don't like it.

Get me one of them filthy peasants to pull the cart.

-Find the filthiest one you can. -Yes, m'lord.

Ooh, I found one!

(HORSE NEIGHS)

You, filthy old witch, pull my cart.

-I'm not a witch. -Well, whatever. Just pull my cart.

I cannot pull your cart, but I can...

(GRUNTS)

Stupid puppet hands.

I can... (COUGHS)

offer you a humble potato.

-I hate potatoes. -(ALL GASP)

But, kind sir, who are you to reject an offer of fine potatoes?

I'm Dandy Princerson, the prince.

That makes me better than all of you.

-No one is better than potatoes. -Oh yeah?

-(SCREAMS) My baby! -(ALL GASP)

Oh, now you did it, buddy.

Your heart is untrue.

I'm gonna put a curse on you.

Until you learn to love a tater, you'll be a beast...

Smell you later!

I thought you said you weren't a witch.

I lied. (CACKLES)

What? I did not see that coming.

Scram.

Why isn't Jocktopus on the stage?

(GRUNTS) That's your cue.

-Uh, Jocktopus changed his mind. -Do it!

-Well, if it isn't King Thespian. -(LAUGHING)

You won't be released from the form of a beast

until you learn to love a potato.

And scene!

(TEETH CHATTERING)

CLAMANTHA: Psst, make with the words.

So, I bet you're pretty darn angry about being turned into a Beastopus.

And as revenge, you want to steal the Great Potato.

Right? Remember?

-(CROWD MURMURING) -(SHUDDERING)

I feel uncomfortable.

Oh! It's because I was sitting on a tack.

Oh my gosh! Look at that!

The Beastopus is stealing the Great Potato!

Jocktopus, what is the deal, my man?

-What? Jocktopus did good. -MILO: (SCREAMS)

-Now that we have lost the Great Potato... -(MILO SCREAMS)

...we'll never have a harvest again. B.R.B.

Do you think this is funny?

This play is so important to me

and perhaps other people, but no, not to you.

Jocktopus has his reasons.

Listen, mister, there's only room for one diva on this stage,

so you'd better start acting.

Remember, the power is inside Jocktopus,

Not there or there or there or...

Man, you ripped!

(FRUSTRATED GROWL)

(SNORING)

-(PIANO PLAYS) -Ah! I'm up, I'm up!

-(ALL SOBBING) -Poor potato!

(SOBBING)

Whoo! I'm the North Wind.

ESMARGOT: Whoo! Oh, sorry, guys!

It washes off with soap.

(WHIMPERS) What are we gonna do?

Yes, with all the potatoes dead,

how will we ever get through the winter?

-(CHUCKLES) Yeah. -FINBERLEY: Psst, Shellsea!

What? Oh...

We're all gonna die!

Come on!

I guess all the potatoes are gonna die.

We'll get through this.

(ALBERT COUGHING)

Oh, Svetlana,

I can see the white potato at the end of the vine.

(SOBBING) No! Papa, don't die yet!

You promised one day you'd give me away at my wedding.

-(GLASS SHATTERS) -Ow!

-And I'd wear Mama's dress. -Svetlana, I...

-Yes, Papa? -I can't last much longer.

I need potatoes to survive.

Stay strong!

I won't let you down.

-Excitement, excitement, excitement! -Oh, oh, did you hear that?

Listen up!

This plucky gal will rescue the Great Potato from the evil Beastopus.

-SHELLSEA: Ow. -OSCAR: Sorry!

(WHISTLES) Come on, Yak number three.

(GRUNTS)

Let's do this.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) So my journey starts

-On the back of a yak... -(GRUNTS)

There are hardships, sure

But there's no turning back

I will change Beastopus's mind

In my own special way

Truth and beauty will prevail

I will save the day

Because of me, potatoes there will be

Because of me, everyone will be fed...

-(GRUNTS) -No!

Yak number three! Why?

You can't die. Should I turn back?

No, I must forge ahead...

-(GRUNTS) Yak-less. -(YELPS)

(SINGING) Because of me, Potatoes there will be

Because of me

Everyone will be fed

It's my destiny

To save the Great Potato

And once I do, I'll find...

True love

(PANTING, LAUGHING)

-(SIGHS) -(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

-ALL: Bravo! -All right, all right, it was okay.

Bea is amazing.

And she looks great in a tuxedo.

That's a scene change, people. Bea, that was fantastic.

Aw, thanks, Oscar. You really think so?

I mean, I did kind of nail it, didn't I?

Truly the most inspired work I've ever seen.

Yeah! You making me look good.

You, daydreamer!

Get out there and make me look even better!

Hold it! Remember what we talked about, okay?

You have to focus.

Jocktopus is a professional.

You worry about your own lines.

Later at Castle Beastopus...

Snap.

You are now a prisoner at my castle.

"You will never escape."

Script says "raise hands and yell."

Nice acting, dork!

Oh, Jocktopus can't do this.

Dude, wait, hang on. The scene's not over.

-(GROWLS) -(GROANS)

Please help me understand what is so great about potatoes.

I thought you'd never ask.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

One potato, two potato, three potato, four

I'm the Great Potato here The crowd go roar!

-(ALL CHEERING) -Ah! Seriously, I said I was up.

Oh, this is still going on?

When I get down, shake my booty around

All potatoes in the town Rise up from the ground

Oh no, he's a hot potato Oh no, he's a hot potato

Potatoes are great Put a few on your plate

Did you know they're filled With potassium?

Oh no, he's a hot potato Oh no, he's a hot potato

I'm a magic spud and a dancing machine...

This is the stupidest play that I've ever seen.

(ROARS)

-(SCREAMS) -(GLASS SHATTERS)

(LAUGHING)

Ugh! I cannot believe him.

That Jerktopus is ruining our show again.

(YELLING)

Drastic times call for drastic measures.

-We need to replace him. -In mid-show?

But how are we ever gonna pull that off?

Hmm.

(YELLING)

Ooh, a trapdoor! I think I know a way.

All we need is a Beastopus costume that fits you

-and you can take over the role. -Wait, I don't know.

You want me to go on stage in front of all those fish?

You'll do it for me, won't you, Oscar?

Give me the suit! I'll do it right now!

Man, I'm trying my hardest out there to rock the joint,

and Jocktopus just leaves me hangin'.

Okay, Oscar, remember, just wait for my signal.

-I mean it. I am so mad! -Got it.

(SIGHS)

What a long journey I had.

But hey, I made it to Beastopus's castle.

BOTH: Oh!

-Is anyone there? -Roar.

-Hiss. -Girl.

-Roar. -Hiss.

Girl.

(SINGING) Theater cats, come out tonight

A girl in the castle Means something's not right

Who is she? Who is she? Who can she be?

Who dares to enter The lair of the beast...

opus?

Okay, Jocktopus,

now be sure to hit your mark exactly where I told you.

(GRUNTS)

And come closer and closer... and stop!

Okay, Oscar, go! Now!

Who dare enter my lair?

Hey said "enter my lair."

-(LAUGHING) -You're dead!

No, Beastopus, come here.

-I have to explain who I am. -Oh yeah.

I am Svetlana.

I have come to offer myself in place of the Great Potato. Now!

Don't even think about touching her, Jocktopus.

It's a play, Piranhica!

Beastopus, seriously! Here now!

-I don't wanna. -Oscar, do something.

-(GRUNTS) -MILO: Whee!

(JOCKTOPUS YELLING)

(CRASHING)

It's go time.

Roar!

Oh, Beastopus, there you are.

Lost you for a sec.

Yes, it is I, uh, Beastopus.

Oh, he lost weight.

It's all about portion control.

-JOCKTOPUS: What the...? (YELLS) -(SMASHING)

That's not my script.

Uh, be right back again.

-What is going on? -Mr. Mussels, I can explain.

Jocktopus was intentionally trying to ruin the show,

so we replaced him.

Oh, Bea, you got it all wrong.

Let me explain.

MR. MUSSELS: I was writing my play

when Jocktopus showed up at my door.

Jocktopus went on to tell me about his secret

and how he needed to be a part of the show.

Then we had a moment.

Then I secretly practiced with the boy, day and night,

until he was a fine-tuned acting machine.

Tonight Jocktopus was supposed to show the whole school his dream come true,

but I guess that won't happen.

(GASPS) What have I done?

Jocktopus had a dream, just like I did.

And I ruined it.

I'm the real Beastopus.

-I have to do something to fix this. -(SMASHING)

(ROARING)

-(CROWD GASPS) -Get 'em, honey! Get 'em, Jocktopus!

Hey, y'all, I don't remember this part from rehearsals.

-(CROWD GASPS) -(YELLING)

(BEATBOXING)

(PANTING)

(SAWING)

(YELLING)

(SCREAMING)

What have I done?

Wow, the show is going amazing.

Maybe.

(SIGHS) All right, everyone, that was only a small setback.

Let's make the finale count.

Good cat dancing out there, Esmargot.

I do what I can for the people.

Hey, Oscar, I liked the way you manhandled that mean old Jocktopus.

Muy macho!

Just promise me one thing.

Never ever take that delicious costume off.

(CLAMANTHA ROARS)

I'm burning it the second the show's over.

-Shh... -I...

Shh...

(INHALES) Shh...

You really have good control of that fake hand.

CLAMANTHA: I've been practicing.

Oscar, we've gotta get on stage.

Our scene's starting and I am itching to do my second rap.

Right. I almost forgot I'm in the show now.

Dude, you're gonna be a much better Beastopus

than Captain Wreck-the-Stage back there.

-(ROARS) -I hope so.

Oscar, um, about Jocktopus...

Don't worry, Bea.

He's all taken care of, just like we planned.

Yeah, okay. (NERVOUS LAUGH)

Well, see you on stage.

MILO: So you see,

-potatoes make the sun rise and set. -(APPLAUSE)

-Jocktopus? -Go away.

(CRYING) Jocktopus doesn't wanna talk to nerd girl.

I'm so sorry about all this.

I didn't know how you really felt.

Doing the play was really important.

See, when Jocktopus only had little baby muscles,

he would listen to Jocktopapa tell him stories.

..."And the magic potato wished them goodbye

"as it flew off into the mountains to continue his life's journey. The end."

Wow, Jocktopapa sure does tell good stories about magic potatoes.

Magic potato stories are the best stories.

My greatest one wish for you, my son,

is that one day you would sing a beautiful song

in a musical about a magic potato.

Jocktopus just wanted to make Jocktopapa happy.

Then why did you try to wreck the show?

Jocktopus tried his best to do good,

but words are hard to remember.

Friends make fun of Jocktopus! Make him angry.

Some things hurt more than punches!

Now Jocktopus can't make potato magic for Jocktopapa.

(SINGING) You've got your dreams

Big ones it seems

You and I, just the same

The dream train's gonna take us so far

Further than a ride

In an old dream car...

What do you say, big fella?

Let's get back on that stage and finish this fish school musical.

Uh, I don't know.

-You really think I can do it? -I do.

Seriously, dude, how can you not love me?

A Beastopus like me shall never know love.

-Let me on that dream train... -(CROWD GASPS)

-He's so scary! -I too have a dream...

Oh no, he's free!

Got to sing and be a part of this

-This crazy thing... -What?

Dream train's gonna take us so far

Now you're gonna see me

For who I are

You and I share wishes

The hopes and dreams of all the fishes

Ridin' on the dream train

You're gonna be a star...

-JOCK: I want my money back! -(GROWLS)

-(LAUGHS) -All right, that's enough!

Dream train's gonna take us so far

Ridin' on the dream train

You're gonna be

A star

Dream train!

(CHEERING)

Okay, guys, let's take it home.

True love broke the curse.

Oh, Beastopus is changing back into a fish.

(YELLS)

Oh my gosh, what's happening?

I'm having an aneurysm is what's happening.

(GIRLS SCREAMING)

Beastopus is gone and in his place is a changed fish.

I guess I'd better get out of here.

Yeah, I think we should totally get married.

Man, how come I don't get to be the prince in this scene?

-Svetlana, do you take the prince...? -I do!

-(GIRLS SCREAMING) -Was that legally binding?

So that was our story.

Yaks may die,

princes may transform into beasts,

but love and family survive,

thanks to...

(ALL SINGING) Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes

Hey, potatoes!

(CHEERING)

-(CROWD CHEERING) -Dad, I did it!

I couldn't be prouder. Now smash some nerds.

Jocktopus!

(ROARING)

(CROWD SCREAMING)

(SNORING)

(MURMURING)

(SNORING)

(SIGHS, SNORES)

(SPLUTTERS) Huh? It's over?

Oh, thank goodness.

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