Original subtitles

and may contain mature subject matter.

Viewer discretion is advised.

and may contain m(indistinct yelling).

-Shut up!

Look, I know this drought's been rough.

We're all thirsty.

Rationing water's been a nightmare!

-Yeah! Do you have any idea what a monkey tail smells like

if you don't bathe for two weeks?

-Mop water and expired meat.

-Well, our problems are over.

Thanks to Gabe, I guess...

Lay it on us, Dr. Science.

-I call it the Aqua-Gabe 3000!

♪

(gasping)

It's an assembly of ultra-rare parts that filter out toxins,

leaving pure clean water!

Well, 74 % pure clean water...

-Skip the math, Elon Musky!

Point is...

(squeaking noise)

... the water's back, baby!

(cheering)

(screaming)

-Okay, who's the d-bag that dumped garbage in my spot?

Come on.

(apocalyptic music)

(theme music)

♪

(growling)

avenged to?

-Yeah, yeah, terrible drought, whole town's gonna die,

all my fault... Jeez, let it go already.

Why are we even looking for water?

We should be looking for Mom's drone. It means she's not dead!

-Yes! And if we don't find water soon, we'll be not not dead!

Dead. It means we'll be dead.

-Knock yourself out, dweeb!

I'm gonna find Mom's drone!

I got the eye of a freakin' eagle!

♪

Ugh...

(suspenseful music)

What the...?

(aggressive squeaking)

(high pitch scream)

(squeaking)

(Rafe screams.)

-(man's voice): Be calm.

I have interfaced with your cerebellum to speak unto you.

Praise be,

I am the Gord.

-Huh? The Lord? Like the guy who watches over us

and sees me when I'm cranking it?

-No, not the Lord!

The Gord!

I was once a mega-church pastor.

Now, thanks to radiation, I'm a six-legged pinkish thingy.

I'm honestly totally fine with it.

Praise Gord!

Hmm... You are Rafe.

From the town of St. Zephyr.

You have one brother, Gabe, a major dweeb.

-Wow, it's like you're in my head.

-Yes, I just told you!

I interfaced with your cerebellum!

You are the Chosen One!

Together, we shall bring the Word of Gord to St. Zephyr,

and beyond!

-Cool, very cool.

But I'm kinda busy right now looking for my Mom.

-Then your mother we shall find!

-What? Really?

-Ask and ye shall receive.

For the Gord works in mysterious ways.

You have been chosen for a great destiny.

Now, sleep.

Sleep so I may infiltrate your mind...

Yikes! What's with all the wrestlers in here?

Hello, handsome...

(gulp)

-Way to go, AENUS.

Now I'll never reach my boys without that drone!

-(AENUS): It merely ran out of battery power.

But it has a solar panel that recharges in just 60 hours.

-Sixty hours? Are you kidding me?!

That kind of incompetence is exactly why I dropped out

of society.

-(AENUS): And here I thought it was due to untreated

paranoid schizophrenia. -Hey!

-(AENUS): Judith, I'm concerned.

You're using alcohol to repress your feelings!

-What should I be using it for?

Smashing the shit out of this bunker?

-(AENUS): Stop! That turns on the hall light!

A needless waste of power!

That turns up the thermostat!

Now you'll be slightly too warm!

(Justine screams.)

And that just caused our satellite to self-destruct!

-Oh, is that bad?

-(AENUS): What do you think?!

-Is Rafe here? We split up, but he never came back!

-Haven't seen him.

You find water? We're down to our last sips!

-I had to choose between drinking and watering my Trixie.

Obviously, I watered Trixie.

It'll so be worth it when I smoke you!

-I drank holy water!

Now I fear to tinkle,

lest it offend Jehovah!

-You hear that? The old man's afraid to piss!

What kind of life is that?

-I can lead us to water!

-Yes! You found some?

-Even better: I found the Gord.

He sent me to save all of you.

-Um... Is that Gord?

-Yes! Gord Almighty speaks to me in my head.

-He bears the mark of the Beast!

The Prince of Lies!

Heed not his words!

Excuse me, I have to go recycle the holy water.

Oh, too late...

-(Gord): Chosen One!

You must rally your people and leave the town at once!

-But I just got back! I haven't even dropped my afternoon deuce.

-(Gord): Do you want to see your mother or not?

Sweet, gentle, lovely Judith.

(She grunts.)

-Mommy!

Guys, Gord says we have to leave town. Like, now!

-No offence, but we're not listening

to some oversized spider-lice.

-Or that weird thing on your head.

-Seriously, I haven't even taken my afternoon deuce.

-(Gord): Mom window closing... closing...

-(yelling): Hey! Move!

(screaming)

-Afternoon deuce... taken.

-(AENUS): Without my satellite,

I am unable to communicate with the outside!

-Welcome to my world, AENUS!

I'm a friggin' prisoner in here!

My boys!

-Gord is great! Gord is good!

Gord saved us from falling space junk!

-Huh... What the hell was that?

-(AENUS): Rafe appears to have fallen in

with a post-apocalyptic religious cult.

-Oh, great... Why can't my kids just rebel like normal people

and get face tattoos?

-(AENUS): Religion is not without its merits.

Many alcoholics say the first step to recovery is

giving oneself over to a higher power.

Alcoholics? Like the-kind-who-crash-satellites-

and-brush-their-teeth-with- bourbon-alcoholics?

-Oh, you mean me?

I don't know,

I've always been more spiritual than religious.

Also, I like to punch people who say shit like,

"I'm more spiritual than religious."

-(AENUS): Well, it's good to have an ethos.

-Rafe saved us!

If he didn't tell us to move, we'd all be meat pulp!

-I say Rafe is the man!

We should do whatever he and that hideous thing on his head

tell us to do.

-(Gord): Then follow me to the Oasis!

-Then follow me to the Oasis.

-(Gord): A paradise in the wasteland

where the water is pure, clean, and plentiful!

-A paradise in the wasteland

where the water is pure, clean, and plentiful!

(gasping) -Guys!

One near-death fluke is no reason to wander blindly

into the wasteland! It's dangerous!

-Well, danger is my maiden name.

Want to know how sure I am that we'll find water?

Here's how sure.

(gasping)

-Tell me you're not seriously listening to a guy

whose brain is being finger-banged.

-(Gord): Your brother is an unbeliever!

You must leave him behind to make the Exodus!

-Do I have to?

He's a wiener, but he's my wiener. My other wiener.

-(Gord): He could prevent you

from ever seeing your mother again!

-Gabe, you're banned from the Exodus.

You guys, let's roll!

(cheering)

-Dwayne! At least you haven't lost your mind.

-No, I have. I just came back for a fresh pair of pants.

Well, rot in hell, infidel!

♪

(moaning)

-Gord says this way, my people!

Man, Mom's gonna be so happy to see me!

-Woah, woah, woah! What?!

I thought this Exodus was to find water!

-Yeah! If I don't hydrate soon,

I'll turn hard as a rock.

-Hard as a rock, huh? Maybe this drought's not so bad.

Meow!

-We are going to find water.

At the Oasis, all of our wishes and prayers will be fulfilled.

Like my mom! Gord says she's there!

-You think my Carmen's there too?

-(Gord): Hmm-hmm. -Gord says yes!

-Maybe we can find our lost sex life

from before you got gooey!

-Maybe I can find Simon Le Bong!

That's what I called my best bong.

-Simon misses you. Oh! And he can't wait

to give you massive hits of sweet, sweet cheeba.

-That's totally something Simon would say!

-(all chanting): Exodus! Exodus!

Exodus!

-So what's the deal? I'm waiting for the drone signal!

-(AENUS): I just installed an "All The World's Religions" app

to help you regain sobriety.

Now, which one do you want to try?

I see Buddhism is popular...

-Yeah, I'm not wearing robes or shaving my head.

-(AENUS): Perhaps Calvinism?

-Too fun.

How about Anabaptist Protestant?

The faith of the Amish.

-(AENUS): Initializing...

All right...

Are you sure?

Agrarian living, total submission to men.

Seems a bit... How do I put this? Not you.

-My grandpappy was Amish back in the 50s,

and it worked for him... until he got shunned

and died of acute liver cirrhosis while driving drunk.

Point is, I want to go back to my ancestors' faithful ways.

But I'm gonna need your help.

-(AENUS): Well, let's get you out of those devil's trousers

and into a simple blouse and dress.

No buttons! Hooks and eyes only!

Buttons are boastful. -Jesus H. Christ...

-(AENUS): That's the spirit!

-(yelling): The holy water has been recycled.

Now, where is the heathen Rafe?

The speaker of Lucifer's tongue!

-He convinced everyone to follow him into the wasteland.

-Outrageous!

Wandering the desert like a deranged lunatic?

That's Moses' jam!

He was the O.G. of desert wandering.

-And Rafe took the key to the weapons lockup.

-The Lord giveth, my son...

He giveth lots and lots of ammo!

-I'll drive.

-You sure you know where you're going, Rafe?

We've passed that dead body like three times now.

-Guys, we'll get there! Trust your Chosen One.

-Man, if he's the Chosen One, I'd hate to see the reject pile.

(laughing)

-(Gord): They're questioning you, Rafe!

You must get them under control!

-How? I've never been in charge of a cult before.

-(Gord): It's a religion, not a cult!

-What's the difference?

-(Gord): Honestly, a couple thousand years...

Never mind, I'll handle it.

-Um... Am I super high

or did Rafe just make a burning bush?

-Rafe is the Chosen One!

(cheering)

(traditional music)

-(AENUS): Hmm. Farming skills coming along nicely.

Hemline...

Amish regulation length.

-And I also stopped educating myself

beyond an eight grade level. And best of all?

Praise the Lord - I've lost my craving for demon liquor.

-(AENUS): Amazing! So religion works!

-What else should I do?

I really want to lean into this religion thing.

-(AENUS): You've kind of done it all...

Except this last one:

shun all technology not mentioned in the Bible.

Ha, ha! Of course, that'd be impossible.

It would require an entire shutdown of the bunker.

And me! Ha, ha!

-Hmm...

-Um... Have you considered maybe New Age?

You can make that religion up as you go.

-I can't go on...

Leave me.

-Cool. Guys, Dwayne's dead.

-(Gord): Don't leave him! We need them all!

(moaning)

(coughing) -Water...

-Please, Gord! I've done everything you asked.

My people are tired and thirsty and weirdly...

horned-up.

-Hmm-hmm... Exodus?

More like Sex-odus.

-(Gord): Do you believe, my son?

-I don't know... Probably?

-(Gord): Then... behold!

-The Oasis!

We made it!

(cheering)

-Rafe, you holy piece of shit!

(kiss)

You did it!

-Now, let my people drink!

-(Gord): And then, let my people eat!

-Say what now?

-(Gord): Nothing, just riffing.

Drink up, Chosen One.

(suspenseful music)

♪

-(Gord): Rafe, the time has come to enter the true Oasis.

(Rafe gasps.) -And enter Mom?

-(Gord): Gather your flock and make your way to the gateway.

Paradise awaits.

-Hot damn, guys! Gord says we are getting an upgrade!

(cheering)

-Um... You want us to get in there?

-Gord says it's an endless paradise.

All our hopes and dreams and loved ones are there!

It's a hole full of glory!

-I've seen some nasty glory holes,

but this is by far the most gross.

But hey! Who am I to question Gord?

-I call first "holesies"!

-No, me! Trixie's almost smokeable, I need that bong!

(Rafe gasps.) -"Let my people eat..."

(Rafe screams.)

Stop! That's no glory hole! It's a food hole!

Gord brought us here to be his dinner!

-Gord would never!

Gord is great! Gord is good! You taught us that!

-Yeah! Clear a path, Chosen One!

-Holy hellmouth! We've got to take out Gord, like right now!

-Why take out just one heretic...

when we can take out all of them?

-No! Are you crazy?!

I mean, I know the answer... but still!

-Stop! You have to listen to me!

-Rafe! Let us by!

-(struggling): He's surprisingly strong

for someone so stupid!

-Man, that tail really stinks.

-(Gord): Chosen One! Obey your Gord!

Or I shall shock your pain receptors again,

like a lab monkey!

-Argh! What kind of god tries to force people

down a glory hole?!

-(Gord): A hungry one...

-(AENUS): Right, I've turned off all devices, screens,

and electrical lighting.

Or... what do your people call it again?

-Satan's candlelight.

-(AENUS): Delightful! -AENUS, it's just not enough.

I feel like I'm sinning just talking to you.

-(AENUS): But we're friends! -Machines are forbidden!

Every word I say to you gets me one step closer

to eternal damnation.

So stressed out... Oh! Maybe just a sip...

-(AENUS): Judith! You've come so far!

Don't throw it all away now!

If it will keep you devout, and not shitfaced,

I'll do it.

-You've been real good to me, AENUS.

Like the annoying AI shrink I never had...

or wanted.

But don't worry.

From now on, I'll have Jesus to keep me company.

-(AENUS): Godspeed, Judith.

-Right back at you, my friend.

(AENUS shuts down.)

Yes! The stupid idiot bought it!

I'm brilliant! Praise Judith!

(screaming)

-(Gord): Obey, Chosen One! Gord commands it!

-We're wasting time! Follow the eleventh commandment:

kill them all and let God sort them out!

-No, kill Gord and there's no need to sort anything out!

(shooting) (screaming)

-(Gord): Interlopers! Quickly, my brethren! Come forth!

(screaming)

-Guys, I'm starting to think my wife's not in that hole...

♪

(screaming)

-No! Argh! -Aaah!

-(Gord): Apostate! If I can't feed on your followers,

I'll feed on your brain!

Kneel! Kneel before Gord!

Jeez, kinda slim pickings here...

-Holy crap! The gate is actually unlocked!

So long, bunker!

Smell you later, AENUS!

Ow...

-(AENUS): You didn't really think that would work, did you?

-I goddamn well did!

-(AENUS): I would never completely power off.

As with any religious training, my software update includes

a paranoia plug-in.

-Two-faced, double-dealing hypocrite!

-(AENUS): Yes, and also a hypocrisy plug-in.

But I have good news. -A plague of frogs?

-(AENUS): No. While you were busy trying to trick me,

the drone signal came in: the battery is fully charged!

-Thank God...

for science!

(screaming)

-Please! Do whatever you want with my brain,

just spare my plant!

-(parasite): Oh, shoot! I can't find his cerebellum!

-Joke's on you! Nothing makes sense inside there!

(gibberish)

-(Gord): And there's the head cheese!

Goodbye, Chosen One.

And bon appétit!

(Rafe groans.)

-Rafe!

(click)

-Ha, ha! -Um...

Thou shalt not nuke Gabe with a grenade launcher?

(groaning)

(screaming)

-Aaaaah!

-The Chosen One!

He is risen!

-And on the seventh day, I said...

Die, you friggin' whackjob! Aaaah!

-(Gord): Judas!

-Ah! Trixie!

-See you in hell, heathen.

-Already there, padre!

(tense music)

(Gabe screams.)

(explosion)

-Forgive me, Gord. I know not what I do.

Seriously, can someone tell me what I'm doing?

I'm missing a chunk of my brain.

♪

-Clearly, Gord was a parasite that pierced your cerebellum

to control you and draw people to the Oasis

to feed to that subterranean creature.

-No shit, Gabe. We were all there.

-I thought you could use an explainer since, you know,

you're half lobotomized now. -Yeah. How are you even alive?

-I think Gord mostly ate the part of my brain

that made me religious.

Ha! Won't need that anymore!

-I'm trying to think of a takeaway from all this.

Is God just a mirror of man?

Is Faith a drug that can heal and harm?

-Religion eats your brain?

-There it is.

-Hey! We better get some more water into Johnny.

Last I checked, he was going all hard again.

-(Suzette): Hang on!

We're not done in here!

-God, that was disturbing.

-God had nothing to do with that.

Closed Captioning: Épilogue Technical Services Inc.