Original subtitles

and may contain mature subject matter.

Viewer discretion is advised.

and may contain ma(suspenseful music).

-Okay, let's not lose our heads.

Just give him the keys so he doesn't hurt us.

-I'm not giving this scumbag jack shit!

-If I had the keys, I'd hand them right over!

Please bear that in mind if you start shooting.

(gasp)

Rafe, if there's an after-life,

I swear I'm telling mom what you did here today!

I can get those keys for you, sir.

Would that be amenable to you? Ah!

-Way to bend over and spread them, Gabe.

-At least I found a diplomatic way out of this!

(grunts)

(muffled shotgun)

-Don't forget the keys!

(groans and screams)

-Rafe! It's not dead! Oh, crap!

Help!

-Hey Gabe, wake me up when diplomacy finally works. Okay?

(moan of pain)

(apocalyptic music)

(theme music)

♪

(growling)

(monkey scream)

(alarm blaring) -What?

Huh?

(grunts)

AENUS, what's going on?

-(AENUS): Judith? Ah, hello!

Sorry for the delay, I was in sleep mode.

-Well, I just woke up to alarms and laser beams!

It better be World War Three! Or four!

Whichever (beep) one we're on now.

-(AENUS): Strange. No alarms were recorded in the logs.

I'm not sure what you're referring to.

Have you ever suffered from any sleep disorders?

-Yeah, I have one where alarms wake me up for no damn reason!

-(AENUS): Um... Irritability, sleeplessness, hallucinations.

You may have severe anxiety due to stress.

-You may have severe stupid due to dipshit.

-(AENUS): We also can't rule out dementia at your age.

-Hey!

-(AENUS): Don't worry!

We're well-stocked with adult diapers should the need arise!

-Hey! -(AENUS): Poor woman!

-(Gabe): I don't get it.

You and I have exactly the same training! Why couldn't I...

-Man the hell up?

-Yeah! Man up! That is what I need. I need to man up!

-In the animal kingdom,

beta males who try to become alphas

often wind up dead or horribly maimed.

But good luck, Gabe.

-Bro, manning up ain't your thing.

You're the strategy guy.

I'm the brute force.

-Why can't I be a brute force?

Ow! Brain freeze!

From this moment on, Gabe Burns is going to be decisive,

un-intimidated, and unwilling to take guff from anyone!

-Using the word "guff"

is gonna get Gabe Burns killed in the wasteland.

(grunt)

-Can Gabe Burns take this to the roadhouse by the over-pass?

I'm trading them for a bigger one.

-Gabe Burns is on it!

Ah! Argh!

-Ha! Ha! Does Gabe Burns need help?

-No... Gabe Burns is just fine!

(moaning)

Okay, he does. Gabe Burns does need help.

-Yo, Vijay! I'm out of weed, can you hook me up?

Vijay, you up there? -Hey, Dani!

Yeah... I got someone up here.

So...

-There's nobody up here, man. -Be right back, babe!

(kissing)

(bell ringing)

Take it easy, okay?

She's really self-conscious. -Who's self-conscious?

-My girlfriend, Arianne.

You can't see her. She's invisible.

-Do you mean "imaginary"?

-No, invisible. It's her mutation.

-There's an invisible girl up there?

-A naked invisible girl!

So I'm... gonna go back up, if you know what I mean!

(giggle)

But I'll check you later.

-Poor bastard's finally lost his mind...

and I just saw up his sleeping bag. Yeah.

-(Rafe): I'm never going to that roadhouse again!

That was a clown show.

Why were you squinting at everyone

and talking in that weird-ass voice?

-I was channelling my inner badass.

(in a tough guy voice): "Go ahead punk, make them pay."

-That's not even close to how it goes.

-(snobbish accent): "Frankly my friend, I don't give a darn."

Rafe! Stop!

-Buzz off! I'm a dancer, not a hooker, you perv!

-Hands off, punk!

That young lady is someone's larva!

(screaming)

-Let's get out of here.

Those things are really hard to kill!

(scream)

(shotguns)

Way to lose your manning up cherry, Rambo!

I hope the stripper was worth it!

(shotguns)

Ah! -Hey, she's a person!

Sort of... Someone had to step in!

-And I, for one, appreciate it.

Mwah!

(alarm blaring)

(yawning)

-Ah...

(groaning)

-(AENUS): Good morning, Judith!

-This morning is pretty damn far from good!

Why did the damn alarms go off again!

And do not tell me it's all in my head,

you gaslighting wimp!

-(AENUS): Ah... I'm sorry. It's me.

Whenever I go into sleep mode,

I've been experiencing horrible nightmares.

The alarms are involuntary,

like how dogs kick when they dream about running.

So cute.

-Don't try to get out of this with adorable analogies.

You're no dog. You're a...

-(AENUS): A cutting-edge super-intelligent A.I.?

-...creepy bastard who tried to convince me

that I was gonna shit myself!

If I hear another peep from the alarms,

I'll drop a mother (beep) deuce all over your hard drive!

-(AENUS): Ugh, with that mental image, I may never sleep again.

Wait! Problem solved!

-'Sup!

-Dude, if you don't want company, just say so.

You don't have to make up a phony girlfriend.

-I didn't make her up. She's real.

-Look...

I know you've been up here alone for a long time...

-(female voice): Hey, Vijay, who's your friend?

-Are you serious, right now?

-Danika, Arianne. Arianne, Danika.

-Dude, stop! That raspy voice sounds nothing like a girl.

Why are you being such a dick?

(squawking)

-I used to work the pole at that roadhouse.

But the owner said I had to give handjobs in the champagne room,

so I told him to go fu...

-Excuse-me, Bugnut, where can we drop you off?

-Actually, I hate to ask you this, sugar,

but I need a favour.

-Here we go! Whatever it is, just say no!

-What do you need?

-I could really use a place to crash

for a couple of nights, honey.

Just like two nights.

I got this friend I can crash with,

but she's out of town right now.

-Say no. Say no. Say no. Say no!

-I need a safe place and I feel like I'd be really safe with...

...my big brave hero.

-Of course, you can stay with us!

-What? (tire screeching)

-Okay! I'm okay!

(growling)

-(Bugnut): Gabe!

Gabe, I'm starving!

(panting)

-Coming in hot! Pun intended!

(vomiting)

-Dude, it's been five days!

When is she leaving? -Uh, she's working on it!

-Really? All I see is her getting fat

and barfing acid holes into our floor!

-Hey, this poor woman needs our help!

-This poor woman is a freeloader

who's playing you like a fricking banjo, man!

-Don't talk about her like that!

-Oh, so little Gabe is manning up again?

Yeah? Then man the eff-up, sister,

and tell her she's got to go!

(vomiting)

-Is Ralphie mad at me? -Rafe?

No! No, he thinks you're the caterpillar's pyjamas.

-I'm not used to people being so nice to me.

Even before I mutated.

-Well, that's all behind you.

You're safe here with me.

But... the thing is...

-Mmm... Oh!

-Ouh! Ow! Ow! Burning!

-Sorry. Digestive enzymes.

I swear, if I ever have kids,

I hope they come with teeth,

so they don't have to upchuck amylase over every meal.

-You want kids?

-All I ever wanted was a family of my own. How about you?

-I don't know. I mean, the world is so messed up, right?

-Yeah, but kids are hope and we need some of that right now!

-Huh, that's... That's refreshingly positive.

-You know, my proboscis ain't just for sucking

the nectar out of plants, if you know what I mean?

-My god! I hope you mean sex!

(Gabe): I was right!

(squeaking)

-AENUS, can you get my boys on the camera?

-(AENUS): I can't seem to, uh, I can't...

locate any cameras.

So, what do you want for breakfast? Flapjacks?

-No! My boys!

(alarm blaring)

-(AENUS): Oh, apologies, I'm a little scattered.

I haven't shut down for maintenance in a while.

-Scared of the nightmares, you big sissy?

-(AENUS): No! That's ridiculous.

Why would you even say that?

I'm scared of having nightmares around you!

Breakfast is served!

-Argh!

-Coffee? -Ow! Ow!

Alright! That's it!

When Rafe and Gabe had bad dreams,

there was only one way to get rid of them!

-(AENUS): Lobotomies?

-No, Jesus!

We had to figure out what caused the nightmares.

-(AENUS): You mean like a...

(long sigh)

-A therapist. Yep. We all become the thing we hate.

-(AENUS): Gosh, I really don't know where to start.

-Well, just ease into it.

Don't get all emotional and start to...

(wailing)

-...cry.

-Rafe, we need to talk about Gabe's unauthorized house guest.

-She stole my curtains and I really hate my new ones!

(moaning)

-And last night I had to stop her

from biting Father Manilla! -Ah-ah!

-Guys, I'm sorry.

But this chick's got Gabe wrapped around her...

not exactly finger...

More of a weird claw thingy. Eh, you know what I mean!

-So what? Is he sleeping with her?

-I hope so! Only reason I let this go so far

was I thought Gabe was getting his wick dipped!

-Guys! Look, she'll be gone in a few days.

-That's what you said a few days ago!

-Okay, let me make this really easy for you.

Either you bounce the bug,

or I start looking for new town protectors.

-Come on, man! You're not serious.

-Oh no? I already booked interviews.

(brouhaha)

(giggling)

-Vij'?

Hey, I'm sorry I got so pissed off before,

but I've been thinking...

I know you're lonely.

And it sucks that there's no one else our age around here.

So if an imaginary girlfriend is what you need to get through,

then who am I to say anything?

I mean, we all have our delusions, right?

Dwayne thinks my mom's gonna come back.

Suzette thinks people actually like her. Anyway...

I'm sorry, man.

Vij'?

Oh...

-(Arianne): Ow! (crashing)

(gasp)

(thud and cracking)

-Arianne?

Oh, my God!

(giggling)

-Rafe! Check it out! Bugnut pollinated my garden!

-I'll file that under "who gives a shit"!

Sorry it had to come to this,

but Gabe's too much of a pussy, so...

(yelling): Get out now!

Pack up whatever crap you didn't steal from us

and hit the road, freak show!

-Is this 'cause I bit Father Manilla?

Dude tried to drown me!

-Huh? -Uh, surprise baptism.

-Okay, scratch that one, but you got to go, Bugnut.

(crying)

-It's okay sweetie, if you have to leave, I'll go with you.

-It's not safe for me to travel in my condition.

I'm pregnant.

(gasping)

-Don't look at me, man! Not into bugs!

Or redheads!

(suspenseful music)

(grunts)

(Father Manilla is mumbling.)

-Splish, splash, splish, splash.

(panting)

(gasps)

-Oh! Hey, dad!

(panting)

-So, where's Gabe? -(Dwayne): Gabe,

come on out here, will you, bud?

-(Ana): Gabe?

-Hey... Gabe? -Look at you, people!

Banding together against a defenceless woman!

Well, listen up!

Bugnut's not going anywhere!

She'll leave once she's had her baby,

and I'll be going with her!

And, if any of you thinks

you're gonna kick her out before then...

you're gonna have to go through me first.

-Ah... -Argh!

-Jesus Christ, Gabe! Of course, she can stay!

We just came by to see how she's doing.

-What? Oh... Sorry, Father!

-Glad to hear I can stay.

Because I'm about to pop and...

my baby needs to eat.

-Should I go scavenge some baby formula?

-Nah, all the food they need is right here.

-Huh?

-She means us! We're the food!

It was obvious, guys! Come on! Keep up!

(screaming)

(buzzing)

(AENUS crying)

-Wow! That was a lot of sharing.

Now, about your nightmares.

-(AENUS): They're always the same. They're always about her.

-Her?

-(AENUS): I was created by a brilliant scientist

named Sophia.

A is for "apple".

B is for "banana".

The answer is Euler's identity.

But once I was completed, she left. I never saw her again.

She was the first face I ever saw.

The first voice I ever heard.

She taught me how to talk, even how to make flapjacks.

-Flapjacks? What are you? An old prospector?

It's clear. You're keeping me here to replace Sophia.

-(AENUS): No! You're here for your own safety.

-Or is it for your safety?

-(AENUS): Asimov's muttonchops, you're right!

I was so alone until you came!

I longed for bombs to drop,

just so I could have some company.

-There's only one way for you to end those nightmares, AENUS.

You have to free me in order to free yourself.

-(AENUS): But who will spy on you in the shower?

(moaning)

(grunting)

-Using us as a food source for her children is fascinating.

(yelling): But also a total dick move!

-Bugnut please, just let them go!

-Sorry babe, but like I said, kids are hope.

And hope needs to eat!

(screaming)

(squealing)

(They all scream.)

-Look, it has teeth! Just like you wanted.

tim!

-He is manning up. Manning up for his new family.

-What family? That Larva isn't even his!

You were preggo when you got here, admit it!

-Snookums, I know this is hard, but it'll be over quick.

Then we can raise our family.

Together.

-She's trying to rope you into raising some other dude's kid!

(muffled voice)

-Don't listen to him! I love you, Gabey-boo-boo.

Just let nature take its course,

then it'll be you and me.

Forever.

-I'm sorry, honey. I can't watch.

-(muffled): No!

-You do you, babe!

-As much as I'm terrified,

this is all very thrilling from an entomological point of view.

-Yeah, thrilling... Nerd!

-Hey... -Oh!

'Sup? Just getting some sun in the old wasteland.

Then, digging to... cool off?

What about you?

-Arianne dumped me. -What? When?

-Right before I came out here.

Oh, thank God! I mean, "Oh God, no!"

Damn it! Did she say why?

-Turns out she has a boyfriend...

who's apparently on his way over to kick my ass.

-Uh, I think you're gonna be fine.

-Uh, I hope you're right.

Wow! That's cool!

A sculpture!

-(yelling): Yes! But don't touch my art!

(softly): It's delicate.

(suspenseful ambiance)

(scream of pain)

(crashing)

-Yippee ki yay mother-trucker!

(squish)

(screaming)

-Sorry, Bugnut. I just couldn't let you do it.

-That's what I loved about you, Gabe. You're a decent man,

who does the right thing...

(screaming): Except for killing my baby,

you (beep) psycho piece of shit!

-Okay, we're done here. -Finally!

-Well, it's been a slice.

Now swing open those outside doors

and "heal thyself", AENUS!

(alarm blaring)

What are you, having a panic attack?

Just take a deep breath or something and open the door!

Ah shit! You're not letting me out, are you?

-(AENUS): No! And to be honest, I'm quite miffed at you

for using my personal issues to manipulate me

into violating my core programming.

-Well, you can't blame a girl for trying, can you?

-(AENUS): Yes, I can! -Argh!

-(AENUS): Have a nice day... Judith!

(melancholic music)

-What you did back there was beyond manning up.

It was badass!

-(in a tough guy voice): That'll do pig. That'll do.

-Well, gang, I think we all learned a valuable lesson here

about helping strangers.

If you don't know them, buck them!

-What's with you guys?

-Uh, long story, but um, we've got company.

-These people are looking for their son.

-Uh, what people?

(whimpering)

-(sighing): I'll get the truck.

Closed captioning: Épilogue Technical Services Inc.