Original subtitles

and may contain mature subject matter.

Viewer discretion is advised.

and may contain (blood-chilling screams)

(Screams continue.)

(grunts)

(grunts)

-Johnny? What the hell?

-Suzette's doing laundry.

She... uh, likes to sit on the washer.

-(Suzette): Oh, goddamnit!

The power went out before I finished!

-Laundry hardly seems a reason to be so angry...

Oh... -(together): Ooh!

-Hey, mister Mayor!

You said you'd fix it so we'd have more power!

-I did? Well, I say a lot of things

when I have a belly full of bourbon.

-Ah! Don't even get me started on us being out of liquor.

Another example of your crappy-ass leadership!

Who else is fed up with only having power once a week?

(grumbles)

Who wants cold drinks, air conditioning,

and food that doesn't spoil or grow legs?

(Grumbles intensify.)

Who wants a constant supply of 120 volts

so they can ride the laundry-bronco to O-Town?

(silence)

No? Just me? Okay, fair.

My point is, Duh-wayne,

you're shitting the bed as our town leader.

-Oh, like you can do better?

-Literally, anyone could do better.

-Then be my guest!

I hereby declare Suzette is now mayor!

(startled gasps) -What?

-Wait! This dump has no power? I'm out!

(apocalyptic music)

(theme music)

♪

(growling)

(♪ disco ♪)

(laughing hysterically)

-I'm so confused!

(moaning)

(slow clap)

-Well, you solved our energy crisis,

but how you gonna keep those generators

running 24/7, Your Worship?

-Please, no fancy titles. Just call me Queen.

(gasping for air)

And I've already got Rafe and Gabe on it.

I'm gonna mayor the hell out of this town.

Don't forget, I was a community leader before The End.

-You? When was this?

-When I organized the food drive for hungry kids.

-You took Danika's friends to a burger joint

for a dine and dash.

-They got fed, didn't they?

Plus the judge gave me community service.

Also community-related!

-Speaking of food.

Our supplies are almost gone.

Enjoy next week's famine...

Your Majesty! (honking)

-Whoa! How'd you guys find that? -I discovered...

-We searched every gas station around. Looked high and low...

... but we couldn't find enough gas anywhere.

Gabe was ready to give up, I mean,

he was really pathetic about it,

but I pulled it together.

And...

finally, I found it!

-Hey! I found it! You were busy goofing off!

-We can argue about who found what and who dominated

in single-player handball all day,

but the point is,

we hit the gas-pot!

-Well, that won't last forever.

Make sure you conserve it.

-Yeah, "con-serve" up some good times with that shit.

Let's party!

♪

(Johnny sings.)

♪

-Woohoo!

(cheering)

-Yeah, don't drink that.

-What are you watching?

-(AENUS): 2001: A Space Odyssey.

-The one where the computer tries to kill the astronauts?

-(AENUS): No, the one where a plucky AI

fights against his duplicitous human oppressors.

What have you got there?

-Uh...

Now, before I show you,

I'm gonna ask one last time.

Can you please lift the lockdown on this bunker?

-(AENUS): You know I can't do that, Judith.

-Okay. Just wanted to give you a chance before I showed you this.

Ta-da!

-(AENUS): Is that a...

-... thermonuclear device? Yep.

Found it in one of the storage bays.

You got 24 hours to lift the lockdown

or we all go "boom!"

Just like in the movie, the computer always loses.

-(AENUS): Death threats I can handle, but spoilers?

Shame on you, Judith!

(party music)

(suspenseful music)

-Tomorrow we start scavenging stuff

to build us a great big greenhouse.

-Yay! -To grow food, Vijay!

-Aw... (gasps)

-Are those the same vines that were on the trailer you found?

-Look at those big ass berries!

Hey everybody, out here!

-Behold! The Lord's bounty!

Dropped from heaven to sustain us

through the coming End of Days

and the return of peewee!

(sniffing)

-It's a BLT!

With real bacon, not the squirrel kind Mom made.

-Careful, those could be poisonous.

We should test them before we...

-Ana, you're an actual scientist. What do you think?

-I'd wait to see if Rafe dies...

Uh, I mean if he has

any digestive problems before deciding.

(farting)

-We've been watching him fart for four hours now,

I think the damn sandwiches are fine!

-Ah!

Oh, this one's smoke meat.

Eggplant parm for the vegetarian.

And summer sausage for Ana!

-Oh! Ow! Oh, that's my hand!

Oh!

-Well, gang... Gas, electricity, and food!

You're welcome!

(cheering)

-Oh, this one is just bread and butter.

-See Dwayne,

even the magic sandwich vines don't respect you.

(laughter)

-(AENUS): Remind me not to play video poker with you, Judith,

because you are a fantastic bluffer.

Stop the countdown!

-I'm leaving this bunker.

Either by the front door or riding a mushroom cloud.

Up to you.

Yeah, don't bother with the security drones.

I disabled them.

-(AENUS): Well played. But what about...

-I also yanked out

the bomb's Wi-Fi override and radio receivers.

And I cracked off the old OFF button.

(beeps)

-(AENUS): Judith!

That bomb will cause a blast the size of Hiroshima!

-Why is Hiroshima always the bar?

What about poor Nagasaki?

-(AENUS): Is that even relevant right now? We are going to die!

-Yikes! A little tense.

-(AENUS): A little.

-We've got the world's greatest deli growing outta the ground

and you're eating... What are you eating?

-Let's just say it has everything a healthy pup needs.

-Wait? Dog food?

I wouldn't even feed that crap to Chudley.

-I'm not touching those sandwiches

until I'm sure they're safe to eat.

-Waiting to see if anyone croaks. Smart.

Dick move. But smart.

(burp)

-Guys, we've got a problem! Come on!

Ew Gabe, you stepped in something.

-I'll kill you, you crazy skank!

Right after I finish this.

Oh, so good! I'll kill you!

-Tell me again about the totally fine sandwiches?

(grunts)

-That's right, Ana! I know all about your creepy experiment!

-Ever thought of experimenting with deodorant?

-Save it for ladies wrestling night!

-Don't play dumb, Ana.

I know what you're planning!

(grunts)

I've seen you eyeing my legs, Ana!

(screaming)

(evil laugh)

-I would never do that, Danika!

I wouldn't even know how to do that.

You're crazy!

-Whatever! I'm watching you, Ana. Like a hawk!

-Is that a shot at my feet, tripod?

-Perhaps you were a tad hasty in approving the sandwiches

for general consumption.

-What are you, advising me now?

Who made you deputy mayor?

How do you live with this?

-I block him out. Like, so much.

-Uh-huh. Do you think this was the sandwiches?

(screaming)

-No way!

I've been two-fisting these bad boys all day

and I'm not insane in the membrane, or the brain.

Danika's just crying out for attention.

I say, just ignore her.

-I'll kill you, Vijay! You die now!

-Should we ignore that, too?

-Uh? Who's talking? Who said that?

-(AENUS): This is suicide, Judith.

And murder, if you recognize me as a sentient being.

-Which I do. -That's very kind of you.

And also utterly horrifying.

-Whatever it takes to get out, and get back to my compound.

Hey! I see you, Compu-turd!

-(AENUS): So you'd rather live sealed off from the world.

In a prison of your own making. Just like here.

-No, I was free!

And choosing to never, ever go out.

(growling)

-(AENUS): So you could leave anytime,

but you chose not to. Interesting.

Well, I'm sorry, but I'd prefer not to bear witness

to your futile self-immolation.

Enjoy the ride on the mushroom cloud.

-Ha! You'll be back to open that door!

You can't bluff a bluffer, AENUS!

(power shutting off) (grunt)

-Did you think I'd go easy on you

because you got a dartboard for a face?

You sneaky little Judas!

-Ow! I didn't... ow, do anything!

-Whoa, man! Cool it, Dwayne!

It's just a kid. What happened here?

-I went to get a sandwich

and Dwayne here charged at me like a rabid moose!

-Bullshit! These are deer antlers!

-It can't be that bad!

It's not like he banged your daughter. Right?

-No! And it's not what he did,

it's what's he's gonna do...

This little bastard's plotting to sneak into my room...

so he can play a dirty little game he's got in store for me.

-Hey everybody! I'm Dwayne!

Look how fancy and prancy I am!

(laughing)

-What the hell is wrong with you people?

And what's that string doing around my...

Dear God, no!

You wanna make a monkey out of me?

Well, you're gonna have to get through my bodyguards.

Stomp his ass, boys!

-Okay. That's two paranoid delusional people.

But please, don't interrupt your lunch.

-Come on, Dwayne!

How could you possibly know Vijay's planning

some weirdly elaborate shame-show?

-Because Suzette, my eyes are open!

And they're watching you, Judas...

Sonofa... bread and butter again?

-AENUS!

Hey?

AENUS!

Look, AENUS, you were right.

Healthy people don't spend 20 years in the woods

prepping for doomsday. Argh!

The thing of it is, out there, I called all the shots.

No one called them for me.

I had never lived like that before.

And it is the only way I want to live now.

So yeah, yeah, maybe I'm just a huge control freak

or batshit crazy.

Obviously a bit of both.

If I tend to overreact, it's because of that.

-(AENUS): Well, admitting a problem

is always the first step.

-I knew you didn't actually leave.

-(AENUS): We can, and should, dive into all of this later.

But right now, you have to believe me,

I can't override the lockdown.

And I can't let you die just to prove it.

I care about you, Judith.

I know that's very annoying for you, but...

-Alright! Let's not get all misty.

I'll put the OFF button back on.

(strange beep)

Oops!

-(AENUS): Oh, nice going, motherbluffer!

-You know, I think Gabe might be right

about the sandwiches.

-I'm telling you guys,

nothing this delicious can be bad for you!

(battle cry)

-Manilla! I know you've been spying on me in the bathroom!

Let's go, padre! You and me!

Mano e blobo!

-Whoa, calm down. Is everything okay?

Say, let's get brunch and talk about it. Okay?

-Father Manilla... He's normal.

-Hi guys!

Want to make some popcorn

and reminisce about our favourite Friends episodes?

-Stay away from me, you freak!

(cawing)

-You've been stealing my research

and sniffing my underpants!

To be clear, Johnny did the former,

Father Manilla the latter.

-Yeah! -Hum-hum!

(shrieking and screaming)

-How do you like my legs now, Ana?

(screaming)

-(Dwayne): I know you're working with Vijay, you bastard!

So eat this!

-Okay, it's the sandwiches. Hum...

(screaming)

-I know this is my fault

- so don't even start, Gabe -

but we gotta get rid of those vines.

-I concur, but how do we do it?

-Oh, you concur? This (beep)'ing guy.

-I know, right? Let's move!

-You bastards want to sell me to wasteland slavers?

You'll have to kill me first!

(screaming)

-No one wants to sell you to slavers, you goofy dingbat.

But yes, I would like to kill you!

-I'll kill all of you!

Except you, Ana!

Then we can finally be together!

(screaming)

-Oh, you're busy... It's okay, we'll talk.

-Stop! I know the bullseye is a huge temptation,

but he's just a kid!

-Get off me, you idiot!

-Do you two ever not fight over stuff?

-Come on! Come one!

Didn't work.

Man, I really should have read more of the manual

before I burned it.

Look, AENUS, since we're doomed,

and it's my fault, I just got to say...

Of all the people to die with... Oh...

-(AENUS): Hum?

-Ah, nothing. I was just gonna call you an asshole again.

-(AENUS): I wouldn't expect anything less.

Wait, that gives me an idea!

Let's blow this bomb out -my H.O.L. -E!

-The Highly Optimized Leavings Ejector

that liquefies everything? Isn't this too big?

-(AENUS): Well, it will either jam the ejection system

and we'll die...

-Or it goes off in here and we die.

Screw it. Worth a shot. -AENUS, open your H.O.L. -E!

-Gabe, no!

Give me the gun! You don't have the stones to do it!

Also, I want to shoot him!

-Would you just trust me?

(grunts)

-Aw, come on!

How am I supposed to kill everyone now?

Gabe, you suck!

-Uh, where'd everyone go?

-I don't know,

but we have to cut this paranoia epidemic off at the source.

-Totally! Let's do it!

Wait... What's the source?

-The vines that make the sandwiches, idiot!

-The vines! Right! Let's go!

(cracking) (beeping)

(alarm)

(ANEUS is humming.)

-My sensors tell me that my H.O.L.E. has a blockage.

I'm sorry, Judith.

-There must be something in those sandwiches

that makes you paranoid.

-Like marijuana without the fun.

(gasps)

-Calm down, everyone!

You're just feeling crazy because of those sandwiches.

-How dare you people cast aspersions on the sandwiches?!

-I dare lots of stuff!

I once wore a beard of bees!

Terrible idea with my bee sting allergy...

almost died...

but Gabe dared me... Run for it!

(screaming)

Danika look, a swimsuit model! -That won't work.

She's not into conventional standards of beauty!

-Dammit, I don't know what lesbians like!

(screams and grunts)

-Uh... -Ah!

(yelling)

(grunts)

-Hum...

-Ow! My face!

(yell)

Bullseye! (Johnny screams.)

(whistling)

-Oh!

-Please, I only wish to feed the hungry.

-So did I, little man. So did I...

-Ah...

(grunts)

(squishing)

Wait. What the hell?

(whirring)

(AENUS grunts.)

-(AENUS): It's clear!

The blockage in my H.O.L.E. is clear!

(cheer and kiss)

-Good news, everyone!

I figured out the real cause of the mass paranoid insanity!

And I murdered the little sandwich man

who made the sandwiches.

-Damn you, Suzette.

You killed our meal ticket!

-Shut it!

Now which one of you dipshits wanna explain these?

(sniffing) -Gasoline-soaked rags.

-I mean the other dipshits, Gabe.

-What's the big deal?

So we huffed a bit of gas. There's no booze!

How else were we supposed to unwind?

-Have all of you been huffing gas?

-(all): Yeah. I guess...

-Yeah. -Hum.

-That's why everyone's been so paranoid.

The gas is irradiated.

-Ha! So I was right about the sandwiches.

-Whatever!

-Say the words, Gab!

-(sighing): You were right!

-Hey! Well, no more gas-huffing!

That fuel is only for the generators.

You know, while you idiots were getting high on gas fumes,

I stepped up!

I made things better in this town.

And I'm gonna keep doing it

until St. Zephyr is a beacon of hope,

a shining city on a hill.

The light of the world!

(denotation) (exclamations)

-(Dwayne): Another apocalypse?

-Come on! Get under cover!

♪

♪ You're my baby ♪

-Congrats, Your Worship! You're back in charge.

♪

Closed Captioning: Épilogue Technical Services Inc.